Walang habas ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko nang marinig ang sinabi ni Daddy. Sunod-sunod na pag-iling ang ginawa ko at sa tantiya ko ay makasampung ulit na mas matindi ang biglaang sugat sa puso ko kaysa sa saksak na natamo ko mula kay Tito Jeremy.
"Tell me it is not true!" asik ko. Agad na sinubukang tumayo habang isinisigaw ang pangalan ni Nanay Meera ngunit agad akong pinigilan ni Daddy.
"Anak, Aling Meera...is dead."
"No, no, no! How?"
"She did not make it. Nang tawagan mo siya, agad niya rin kaming tinawagan ngunit walang nakasagot dahil nasa kalagitnaan kami ng kasal. Nang hindi kami makasagot, she might have rushed to you. But she texted us what was going on. But later on, nakatanggap kami ng text na nasagasaan siya. Itinakbo siya rito sa ospital din. But she did not make it. Ranz...he said Aling Meera wants you to have her eyes simula pa noong una. He was the one who said it is Aling Meera's final words. To give her eyes to you."
"No, no, no."
Lalo lamang nabasag ang puso ko. Ranz and his sibling, dadalawa na sila. Just like me, they only have Nanay Meera to hold on. They only have her. And now...no. It is supposed to be Ranz's graduation. It is supposed to be a good and happy day.
Wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ang umiyak at pumalahaw. Wala rin silang magawa kung hindi ang hayaan ako. Ramdam kong bumuka na ang mga sugat ko ngunit wala akong pakialam. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. I can only cry and scream, but it still doesn't do anything to what I am feeling now. Ni hindi ko na rin alam kung natuloy ba ang kasal ni Daddy o kung ano pa man. It's just so messed up. Hanggang sa lumipas ang mga oras at naiwan akong mag-isa sa kwarto. There I felt a familiar presence that made me smile. A bittersweet one.
I know I must be dreaming. Nakatulog siguro ako matapos kong umiyak nang umiyak sa loob nang ilang oras.
"How does it feel?" he asked. He even grabbed my cheeks. I can feel his confused look at me. "Ariella?"
"Nanay Meera is dead."
"I don't care. I only care about your lust." he hissed. Kissed my lips but I did not move nor respond. "And my offer."
"Twenty years." I said. "I'll accept the offer after twenty years."
Twenty years because Ranz and Raia are my responsibility now.
He chuckled. Hindi ko alam kung natutuwa ba ang pagtawang iyon o hindi. Naramdaman ko kasi ang paghaplos ng daliri niya sa aking leeg.
"Bargain accepted, Ariella. But I will still visit you every now and then." he said. "Your lust never faded. It only got stronger."
After that, I stopped feeling his presence. Naramdaman ko na ring nagising na ako kasabay ang napakalapit na presensya ng sinuman sa akin.
"R-ranz? Ikaw ba 'yan?" I asked, not even sure if it is the right thing. "I..."
"Ako po. Si Ranz nga po." he said. His voice is cold, anxious, and scared. "Si Nanay po..."
"I'm sorry," agad kong sambit saka agad na naluha. "Kasalanan ko kaya siya nawala. Kasalanan ko."
"Hindi mo po kasalanan." he said. It made me stop for a bit, but not my tears. "Wala po kayong kasalanan."
"Ranz..."
"Sabi ni Nanay po, kapag nawala siya, ikaw po ang puntahan agad dahil masasaktan ka raw po nang sobra."
"Where...is she now?"
"Nasa morgue pa po. Hindi pa po namin nakukuha kasi sabi ng tao doon, hindi pa kami nakakabayad."
Lalo na lang akong naiyak. Nanay Meera...even her death, ako pa talaga ang inisip. Her children, they are just so kind and precious to be in this situation.
"Right, right..." sambit ko na lang at saka inaya ang dalawang bata sa isang yakap. "Come here. Aasikasuhin natin nang maayos si Nanay Meera. From now on, I'll be your Mom. I'll be the one to watch over you two. It might be what Nanay Meera wanted me to do in the first place - her eyes to see you two grow the finest."
Hindi naman sila nagdalawang isip na yakapin ako pabalik. Even Raia, I can feel she's being cautious about my wounds.
"Don't worry, tayo na ang bahala kay Nanay Meera, hmm?"
"Opo." si Raia. "But who's that man? May boyfriend ka na po ba? Kanina ka pa po niya binabantayan, e." she curiously asked na agad naman na sinang-ayunan ni Ranz.
"What? Sino?"
"Leopold daw po ang pangalan niya." sambit niya na agad na ikanakbog ng dibdib ko.
How are they capable of seeing Leopold?