On my way home from work, I started to recollect my thoughts from last night. I had focused on what I felt for Judah and what it meant. I also thought about what I wanted to come out of it, and where I needed to go from where I'm at currently in order to get to my goal.
I came to the conclusion that my feelings probably weren't going to change. Originally I wanted to ignore them, but maybe they deserve to be felt. Knowing that he feels the same way, if not more, just made me feel like I owed it to him to explore what I was feeling. No matter how scary it might be, or how risky I thought it was. So, that meant I needed to get serious about my mental state. I needed to start treating him the way he deserves, and I also needed to think about what I needed to do to make that happen. I decided that I had to take a step back in order to put myself into the right mindset to truly be able to bring what needed to be brought to the table. I wanted to give both of us a chance. 'Not just for him, but for me. I deserve love too.'
I had a little over an hour before I had to get ready for my shift at the restaurant, and I hadn't talked to Judah since before he left for work last night. My plan was to talk to him about where I was at mentally, just so that he wasn't surprised if I acted differently or anything like that. I took a deep breath at the thought of telling him. It shouldn't make me nervous, we already talked about everything before. But it did.
I had just walked in the door and realized Judah was in the shower. 'Perfect. I'm trying to get out of my sexual tendencies and the first thing I think about when I'm within 20 feet of him is him in the shower.' I sighed at my lack of progress. I immediately cut myself some slack, realizing it hadn't even been a day since I made up my mind to try and change. 'Subconscious thoughts will take a lot longer to catch up.' I told myself.
I put all of my things down in my room, taking off my shoes. Afterwards, I made my way to the kitchen. I made myself a sandwich and ate it on the couch. Judah had turned off the water as I finished my sandwich, I was waiting for him to come out so that we could talk. After a few minutes, I laid down on the couch. I started falling asleep, waiting for him.
I was woken up by Judah's hand rubbing my thigh. He picked up my legs and sat down, setting my legs on his lap, "How was work?"
I yawned and then smiled at him, "Good."
"I figured if you were actually trying to take a nap you would've been in your bed. Sorry for waking you," He said, still rubbing my legs.
"No, I wanted to talk to you," I sat up, moving my legs off of him.
He turned to face me, "What's up?"
I took a deep breath, "So, I just wanted to kind of let you know where I was at," I started, looking at the floor, "I've decided that I do need a bit of space. I just want to get in the right mindset, obviously I'm still going to hang out and talk to you. I just think it would be better for me if we just laid back on the flirting and you know," I paused and looked at him, "Stuff. I'm trying to make sure I make good decisions and I don't think I can do that if all I think about is getting in bed with you."
"So 24 hour challenge it is," He joked.
I smiled, "Basically, maybe more than 24 hours. I'll have to see where my head is at. Is that okay?"
"If you can even last for 24 hours," He laughed. I looked at him, cocking my head to the side, "Shit, that was the last one. I'm sorry."
"Asking you to not flirt is like asking a fish not to swim, isn't it?" I laughed.
"Pretty much," He nodded, "I'll do my best. By the way, you said stuff. Does that include like, I don't know, how I was touching your legs earlier? Or just the teasing? Can I give you hugs? Like, I want to be clear."
I thought about it for a second before saying, "Hugs are fine, just nothing sexual."
"Alright, cool," He said, "So you forfeit the bet right?"
I laughed, "No, I'm not a quitter. Just, put it on pause for now. Please?"
He rolled his eyes, "Fine. So what, I just wait for you to press play again?"
I shrugged, "I guess it can be called off, but I won't tolerate being told I lost. Even by forfeit."
He laughed, "Okay. Whatever you say."
I checked the time, there were about 40 minutes until I had to get ready for work, "I do want to take a nap right now though. I'm heading to bed."
Judah's bottom lip stuck out, as I stood up. He pouted like a baby, "Man, you're leaving me?"
I smiled, "You will be just fine."
I laid on my stomach on my bed, hugging a pillow. I set an alarm and took my nap.
~
I had just gotten off work and I was sitting at the bar talking to Millie, "So, how are you and Cisco?"
"Good, he still hasn't made anything official. Kind of weird. But, we haven't hung out one on one since Saturday so," She shrugged.
"It'll happen," I stated.
"I kind of like how long it's taking, I get to take my time. Except meeting your parents, obviously. But, then again I wasn't introduced as his girlfriend so," She went on, "I guess everything's working out. If anything, meeting them reassures me that he's serious."
"I'm glad you feel that way," I smiled at her.
"So are you finally ready to talk about your bad day?" She raised an eyebrow and leaned onto the bar with her elbows.
I pursed my lips before smiling, "Don't worry about it."
"You and Judah fucked, right?" She asked.
My jaw hung open, "No! Why does everyone think that?"
"Dude, something happened. The sexual tension between you two is thicker than my thighs. I honestly thought you guys had something going on before, but the way you two were acting at your parents house on top of his talk with Jane? There's no fucking way you're about to lie to me right now," She concluded.
I looked at her, 'Shit.' I rolled my eyes before looking away, "You're right. But we never had sex. It's so much more complicated dude. I don't even know how to explain it to you."
"Figure it out, I got time. Don't worry about me reporting back to Jane, she won't talk to me about him. Plus, she has a bunch of other guys she's involved with. It's actually nauseating," She assured me.
I thought for a minute, realizing that it might be cool to have someone to talk to about where I was at mentally. Ultimately, I decided it was a good idea, "I'm going to confide in you, okay? Basically, I got super drunk and seduced the shit out of him. We almost had sex. I didn't even remember because I was so drunk. But, he told me everything the next day. So, it triggered some memories, and I realized that I wanted everything. Like, I realized that those feelings I had that pushed me to act that way was a real thing. Anyway, fast forward to after I've told him all that, and we're both unsure of how to act around each other because I don't want to pursue anything," I sighed, "I mean he said he's had feelings for me for years. He wants a relationship, I've never had one before! I don't even know if I've ever had genuine feelings for anyone before either. Except maybe him. I don't know. I'm trying to figure out how I feel and what I want and how to exist right now."
She took a moment of silence before responding, "So, you both have feelings for each other?"
"Yeah," I gulped.
"Then, why not just go for it? I mean, why don't you want to?" She looked at me confused.
"Bitch, I'm scared! I can't fuck shit up with him. We live together, he is my best friend. Life without him would be so dog shit. If shit went sideways, it would be catastrophic," I went on, "I couldn't risk that dude."
"Everything you just said is the exact reason why you need to get the fuck over yourself and try," She sat up straight, "You have it fucking made. You already know each other's living habits, you get along very well, and you care about him so much that you cannot imagine life without him. If there is no risk, there is no reward. I'm telling you Ky, go for it. It's the best thing for both of you. You'll regret it way more if you don't even try."
"But-"
"No, stop psyching yourself out. You want him. Don't you?" She asked.
I covered my face, groaning, "I do."
"Nut up. Don't be a bitch about it," She convinced me.
I took a deep breath and nodded as I took my hands down, "You're right."
Her smile was the biggest I'd ever seen on her face, "So you'll go for it?"
I couldn't help but smile back, "Yeah. I'll go for it."
She squealed, "Yes! No way, you're saying goodbye to the hoe life? A pig is flying somewhere."
"Hell just froze over," I laughed.
"No, dead ass!" She shrieked.
"Dude, you're more excited than I am."
She shrugged, grinning, "I find joy in seeing those around me win."
"You know what, we're going to celebrate you winning soon enough," I smirked.
She rolled her eyes, "Whatever, if you don't go get your man or something."
"He is not my man!" I giggled, "Yet."
~
I woke up to my bed moving, Judah got under the covers and wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt his chest against my back, his legs molded themselves behind mine.
"Hey," I grumbled sleepily.
"Hey, sorry. I missed you. Do you mind if I sleep here?" He asked.
I smiled and snuggled myself into him, "I missed you too."
I started to fall back asleep immediately. Judah's nose nuzzled into the back of my head, his breath was hitting the nape of my neck. I inhaled deeply as I came back to complete consciousness. With every breath he took, an almost electric feeling shot down my spine. My breath quickened and I opened my eyes. I felt Judah's chest expand more, as if he took a deep breath. The air poured out his nose, and a soft moan escaped me.
I was already getting so horny, I scooted my head forward in an attempt to escape. I still felt his breath, it was just covering a much wider area than before. It was slightly less intense, but it was still very stimulating. I put my head back to its original position as I arched my back. I groaned again, my breath was heavy. I noticed Judah hardening behind me, I was only wearing a big tee shirt and some boy short underwear. I wanted to sink into the feeling. He let out a deep breath and slid himself away from me slightly. His grip around me loosened as he backed himself away, no longer holding me. I rolled onto my back and looked over at him.
"Sorry," He said softly.
I grabbed his arm that was farthest from me and pulled it towards me, "Come back."
He turned towards me, onto his side, "I don't want things to get sexual, you specifically said-"
I pulled his arm around me and scooted myself back into him, "I changed my mind."
Both of his arms wrapped around me, pulling me into him tightly, "Say less," He kissed the back of my neck, I inhaled sharply, "Are you sure, or are you just horny?"
"Why does it have to be or?" I giggled softly, "I was going to talk to you tomorrow."
His nose slid back up my neck slowly, "We only have an hour before we have to get up for work anyway, talk now," His breath traveled up my neck as he spoke.
I bit my lip as my breath quickened, 'Christ I'm probably soaked right now.' I thought to myself, "Well, I determined that if I want you, I should have you. No need to deny myself of my cravings," I moved my hips, rubbing my ass against his quickly hardening penis.
"Yeah?" He asked, his hands started moving. One of them gripped my breast, the other traveled downwards. His breath was still hitting the back of my neck.
"That's so hot," I put my hands on his, he massaged my right boob as his left hand traveled down my thigh. His hips pushed forward into me as I arched my back. He kissed my neck again.
"Fuck," His voice was raspy, I groaned in response. He smiled against my neck before running his tongue across my nape. I let out an audible, sharp breath, "You know what that means though?"
He took his hands off of me and then rolled me onto my back, I spread my legs apart as he hovered over the top of me. I smiled, "What?" I asked, I ran my hands down his chest and bit my lip. His hands were on either side of my head, supporting his weight.
His body dropped as he got onto one elbow, rubbing himself between my legs. I started pulsating, then he said, "The bet is back on."
I whimpered, moving my hips against him, "No, it's not. Come on," I pleaded, pulling him towards me by his neck. But he didn't budge, he moved my hair behind my ear. He finally leaned his face down towards me, only to dart down to my neck. He kissed right above my collarbone passionately. His hips ground against me again, his bulge was landing dead center.
I moaned as he took his time with the kiss, running his tongue back and forth across my skin. Moving his lips up my neck he teased, "No, if you really want it you can have it though. Just let me know." I pulled at his waistband, yanking it down wards, "Cheater," He laughed slightly as he lifted his head, grabbing my hands. I pouted at him as he attempted to pin them above my head in his left hand.
I wrapped my legs around him, deepening the connection between my legs, "Don't be like that, we can both have what we want. Right here, right now," he kissed my neck again and I whined, "This is demoralizing, just fuck me."
"You like being teased," His next kiss landed on my jawline, "Don't lie."
I bit my lip as he moved both of my hands into his other hand to free his left one. His lips hovered right over mine, his nose brushing mine slightly. I felt his hand on my left hip, his thumb slipped underneath my underwear and rubbed back and forth across my skin. I moaned and yanked my hands free, I grabbed his face and leaned in for a kiss. My lips barely brushed against his. He pulled his head back quickly, taking his hand from my hip to push down on my chest.
"Shit, you're a quick one, huh?" He laughed. I groaned loudly, clearly frustrated.
I pushed his chest, forcing him to back away from me. Taking advantage of the space between us, I moved my legs around his body and quickly flipped onto my stomach. Tucking my arms underneath myself, I huffed, "Go away. You're so mean."
I was beside him, laying straight as a pencil. He laughed at me, "If you want me to leave, I will."
"No," I mumbled. I felt him move towards me, his legs were on either side of my legs. His hands ran up my back, pushing my shirt up. He massaged my shoulders, then made his way down my back. I moaned softly with each new muscle he touched. Once he worked all the way down my back, he gripped both of my ass cheeks aggressively. I giggled softly, biting my lip. I heard him chuckle as he worked his hands into my glutes.
"I've wanted to touch your ass like this for so long, you know?" He said, I could practically hear the smile in his voice. His hands moved below the cuff of each cheek, pushing them up. He alternated lifting one, then the other. I could tell he was just trying to watch them jiggle, I laughed at him.
"You enjoying yourself?" I teased.
"Oh yeah, more than you know," He laughed with me before digging his thumbs into the uppermost part of my thighs. I bit my lip again, holding back a moan. My attention was brought back to the pulsing between my legs. He moved his hands and sat to one side of me before slapping the right of my ass.
"Mmm," I groaned, "You just gonna keep me awake and tease me until we have to leave?"
He grabbed my hip and rolled me over onto my back again, "I don't have to. Just ask nicely."
I rolled my eyes, "I'm going back to sleep," I tested him. I situated the pillow behind me and bent one of my legs, getting into a comfortable position.
He laid on his stomach and moved between my legs. He hugged the leg that I had bent and rested his head on my lower stomach, "Goodnight," he said simply.
His shoulder was pushing up between my legs, the pulsing intensified against it, "I know you feel that." I propped myself up onto my elbows, looking down at him.
"I definitely do," I felt his smile against the skin on my stomach, "It's actually very tempting."
"It's all yours," I laid back again, smiling. 'No way that doesn't work, right?'
A few moments passed before a low groan emerged, his head lifted from my stomach. He put his arms under my legs, wrapping around them and gripping my waistband. I gasped as he pulled my underwear down slightly. He kissed my right hip slowly, working his way down the inside of my hip bone. I groaned, grabbing my shirt. I bit the collar of it as I looked down at him. He kissed his way across my skin to my other hip. He repeated the same process, sloppily making his way down the left side. Once he was done, he ran his tongue from the lowest point on my hip back up to the top. He put my waistband back in place before kissing over the top of my clit softly through my underwear causing me to groan deeply yet again.
"I'll save it for later," He said as he rested his head back where it was before on my stomach.
I whined, "You're such a fucking prick sometimes," I slammed my head back onto the bed, "Why even do all that? You're just going to keep playing these games with me?"
"I'm actually trying to get the game over with, if you haven't noticed," He said, rubbing my leg.
"Why can't you just agree that we should forget about the bet? I mean honestly, why do you have to win? Can't we just both win?" I went on, exasperated.
"Why can't you just lose?" He chuckled.
"Why do I have to?" I was getting more and more frustrated.
"You're just mad because you really will lose," He looked up at me.
"No, I'm mad because I've never gotten this horny and knew I wasn't gonna get any dick. It's like cruel and unusual punishment right now, this should be illegal," I argued.
"It's not, I just want to hear you say please. I'll give you whatever you want, and more," Judah insisted with a smile.
"So what, you don't want anything?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow, "You snuggle up to me at 4 in the morning, dick on ass, breathing on my neck for no reason, right?"
He laughed again, "I didn't mean to turn you on, I swear. I just wanted to cuddle."
"My fucking ass! You're a liar. You couldn't have possibly done a worse job at not turning me on."
"I still have to figure your body out! How was I supposed to know the back of your neck was fucking kryptonite?" He defended himself, sitting upright. I looked up at the ceiling.
I practically screamed in frustration before taking a breath and saying, "I can't deal with you."
"Just calm down," He chuckled again, "You're working yourself up."
"No, you did all of the working up by yourself. Did you already forget how I was peacefully sleeping when you walked in?" I was talking with my hands at this point.
"I'm sorry," He straddled my body and lowered himself onto his elbows, his face was inches over the top of mine, "You're right. Since you've successfully guilt tripped me, how about a free kiss?"
I looked at him, glaring, "That's all I get?"
He pushed himself up slightly, "If you don't want it, then I-"
I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down, crashing my lips into his. He smiled against my kiss, putting his hand under my head. Our lips moved in sync, I sucked his bottom lip in between my lips. My tongue ran across his lip before my teeth took a hold of it. My teeth scraped his lip as it slipped out of my mouth. A low groan rumbled in the back of his throat, a soft moan escaped me in return. Our lips molded to each other again, it got a bit sloppy. I ran one hand down his neck and onto his chest. I pushed his chest on one side, signaling him to roll over.
Our lips separated and he rolled onto his back, I straddled him. I pulled my hair to one side and leaned back down, grabbing his face with both hands. He ran his hands up my thighs and gripped my ass with both hands. Our lips continued to intertwine with one another. I was losing my mind, I could only think about how I wanted to be closer to him. I lowered my body onto his, he pulled me into him more. My hips rubbed against his, I let out another moan. One of my hands traveled to his neck, just to make its way up again to the back of his head.
I had never been so content with a kiss, it was more than just a kiss. And not just physically, but emotionally. I smiled between our lips crashing, I thought about how stupid it was that we hadn't been doing this for years. I tried to slow the tempo, bringing the heat down little by little. The kisses turned into something slower and more passionate. I was so turned on, but I also had butterflies.
I never got these kinds of butterflies. These butterflies were nauseating, and took over my whole body. I bit his lip again softly, my moans took on a mind of their own. I turned my head to the opposite side as our tongues explored each other. I wanted to live in this moment. The taste of him was intoxicating. His hands were running up my back and down my leg. We used every opportunity to push our bodies closer to each other. The emotion in the kiss was intense enough to overwhelm me, I felt a knot in my throat. I ran my fingers along his jawline, separating our lips for a moment.
I opened my eyes to look at him, the expression on his face was completely different than before. I couldn't help but smile at him, biting my lip. I covered my mouth, touching my fingers on my lips. All of the feelings and emotions lingered as I looked into his eyes. He touched my face, rubbing his thumb over my cheek. I took my fingers and softly dragged them over his lips. He pulled me back down softly, kissing me sweetly. This kiss was slow, the kind that made you melt. I smiled into his lips, and he smiled too. We parted again, still smiling at each other.
I got off of him and laid on my back next to him. I stared at the ceiling. I touched my lips again and giggled softly, "Holy shit."
"Yeah," Judah agreed. We laid in silence, he grabbed my hand in his before bringing it to his lips and kissing it. His head turned to face me, I looked at him as well, "That was-" He said slowly.
"A lot," I finished for him.
"Different," He went on.
I smiled, "Yeah."
"Intense."
"Special," I added.
"I wasn't expecting that," He said.
I laughed again, looking back at the ceiling, "Me either," I paused, "I think that was better than sex."
He laughed, "I mean, if you say so. With a kiss is that good, I can only imagine what the sex is going to be like."
"I meant it was better than any sex I've had before. But," I took a deep breath, "Shit, you're probably right."
He propped himself up onto his side, "No, for sure."
I looked at him to see him grinning widely, "We should check, just to be sure."
He raised his eyebrows, "You gonna ask nicely?"
I rolled my eyes, "You're fucking kidding me. Even after that?"
He reached over and grabbed my jaw, he pulled me in and kissed me again. Every time he kissed me, I swear my body lit on fire. I put my hand behind his head, humming against his lips. As we pulled away his hand rested on my throat, I dropped my hand to his shoulder. I opened my eyes again, slowly. I didn't want to bring myself back to the current moment, I wanted to stay lost in his kisses.
"I'm never withholding a kiss from you again in my life though. I can promise you that," He was looking down at my lips. I bit my lip, wishing he was doing it instead.
Suddenly, my alarm went off meaning it was 4:30. I groaned and rolled over to turn it off. We had to leave for the internship at 5:30. I sighed, looking back at Judah. I laid still, admiring him. After a minute, I laughed, realizing the fact that I've seen the same face for 9 years now. But somehow, in this moment, it made me feel something different entirely.
"What?" He smiled, confused.
"Nothing," I smiled back at him, "It's just crazy. To think we've known each other for 9 years. We've been living under the same roof for 5 now. I don't know, it's so crazy to me. In like a week, everything changed."
"Yeah, it's insane. It almost feels surreal to me," He shook his head and laid on his back.
We laid in silence, side by side, just thinking. After a few minutes I sat up and sighed, "Alright, I need to start getting ready."
"I'm going to take a nap," He yawned.
I laughed as I stood up, "You should've been asleep since you got home. You only have like an hour to sleep."
He rolled onto his stomach, smiling, "I had other priorities."
I admired the definition on his back, walking over towards the side of the bed he was laying on. I leaned over the top of him and kissed between his shoulder blades, "Sleep good."
I walked out of my room and closed the door.