Only the young// Rickon Stark out now!!
Haezel ran up to Davina and she clung to her, picking her up. Running her hand through her dark black hair. Davina cradled Haezel to her. Her little Haezel.
"How are you honey?"
"Daeron, Ve and I wanted to make a tree house." Haezel remarked.
"I think thats a great idea." Davina agreed. "You have been spending a lot of time with Daeron."
"Yeah." Haezel agreed.
"We never really talked about... driftmark." Davina remarked. "You know Jace and Luke would never... what happened..." how to say they would never hurt her yet they hurt Aemond. Luke took his eye, unintentionally but still.
"I dont want to see them again." Haezel whispered.
"It really scared you to see that... didnt it." Davina whispered. Haezel nodded. "I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry you saw that."
"I dont want to see them again. They can stay far away." Haezel whispered.
"Okay." Davina agreed. "Do you need anything? Can I get you anything? You are safe here. I wont let anyone hurt you. I promise."
"I know I'm safe with you." Haezel assured. "A cookie though about help." Haezel added.
"A cookie would help." Davina agreed kissing her cheek.
+
Davina was pent up with anger and annoyance and lonely. Alicent saw it, they all did. Davina did a better job of hiding her pain from her children but she isolated herself more.
Alicent encouraged Davina to get her emotions out. TO write them down so they wouldnt flood her head. Davina sat down at the desk and Alicent put some parchment paper in front of her.
"I did this when I was young." Alicent remarked.
"You are still young." Davina reminded her.
"So are you." Alicent remarked. "You are not an old hag, dont hide away and become a hermit Davina. I know you are healing but I dont want you to lose yourself in your grief."
"Thanks Alicent." Davina whispered.
"Anything you need. I'm here." Alicent assured. Davina stared down at the parchment before she dipped her quill in the ink. She watched it drip onto the parchment before she sighed letting the words flow.
When I'm not in it, I don't remember it. I remember it's bad. I remember the darkness, but it's... different to feel it again. It's the difference between remembering what a room looks like and actually walking through the door. Being inside it again. Feeling it.
Gods Davina hated walking into her chambers. The place she loved Harwin. She needed a new chamber, she needed to not be there and remember him, see him in every shadow. It brought back the darkness again and she didnt want to be a shell of herself for her children. They needed her.
When the episode starts, it can be slow at first. An intrusive thought of "I don't wanna be here," but then it's gone. Seeing Vaera and Haezel, watching the kids run around getting back to normal again. And I forget. I forget for a moment and that hurts too. Like I'm getting on with my life and he doesnt have a life to live. How could I move on?
Davina shoved her parchment back a tear dropped to the table. Maybe this wasnt a good idea. She felt sick again. She felt sick constantly. She figured it was the loss of Harwin. The uncertainty of the future. She had to bat it away like a fly buzzing around her she needed to keep going, she couldnt push it away. Couldnt push away her feeling, bury them.
Maybe Alicent was right and she needed to get it all out. But when it hits you fully though, that darkness, when you're really in it, it's everything. Its the only thing that consumes you. It's who you are, you're nothing else. But the darkness.
On the outside, Davina looked the same, smiling and pretending is so much work, but smiling doesnt mean you are happy, it means you are strong and that hurt. Because she was Davina Strong. She didnt feel strong, she couldnt smile, these fake smiles forever... while on the inside, it's a different story.
You start to hate yourself. You're so alone, so unbelievably alone. And you can be with someone you love, but you're not really with them.
People thought they knew what's going on with Davina, but they didn't. They never really know what's going on inside someone else's head.
Everyone's fighting a battle you can't see. Alicent, Viserys, little Haezel, Aemond and Davina... fighting silently.
Davina was writing, but A scroll that had been taunting her from dragonstone finally got her attention completely she couldnt stand it just sitting there before her and she opened it.
"Daemon... married Rhaenyra." Davina remarked looking over the decree. "Do you two even have a heart?"
+
Alicent found Davina nursing a bottle of ale. She didnt say anything just sat beside her and Davina leaned into her. She picked up the scroll and a heavy breath filled her. Davina just took another big sip.
"I hate your daughter." Davina remarked as Viserys came in, his cane clicking on the ground. Alicent held out the decree and Viserys huffed out a breath.
"After everything I did for Rhaenyra... she saw the pain he put me through..." Davina let out a deep hot breath as Viserys sat down next to her. "I just don't understand."
"Neither do I." Viserys agreed. 'But then again I never did understand your infatuation with Daemon." Viserys teased as she leaned into ALicent.
"Honestly, I regret every moment I spent on him." Davina told them. He stared down at her as she curled into a ball her head on his thighs. Alicent ran a hand over her back, to love someone that much and then have your niece betray you in such ways, Alicent couldnt even fathom the pain Davina was feeling all while losing Harwin.
"He is our brother. A shit brother but our brother..."
"I hate myself for ever loving him." Davina told Viserys honestly. "He is toxic, and I became addicted to him, he poisoned me slowly trying to kill me too, while he was immune to the toxins within."
"Davina," Alicent coed.
"Daemon asked... at Rhaenyras wedding he asked me to run away with him." Davina informed them.
"He did?" Viserys questioned.
"Rhaenyra begged me to stay." Davina remarked. "She said she needed me and she couldnt do it alone." A silent tear fell down her cheek as she gnawed at her lip. "Then she does this seeing first hand for years how he tormented me..."
"She was..." alicent stopped herself looking to viserys surely he saw how idiotic his daughter was. "The things she said to you before were uncalled for and untruthful." Alicent assured her.
"I feel like my history with dae, makes me... vicious and violent and- stupid, I can be so stupid-' Viserys could hear the sharp breath she released through her clenched jaw. "-I dont deserve you, either of you-"
"We choose you Davina. I dont regret a moment with you." Alicent assured. "No matter what you did or do, know I don't care. I'm team Davina all the way." Davina nodded taking another long sip. "Davina... I would choose you a million times over." Alicent whispered.
"I'm such a fuck up Ali, you deserve better."
"You are already perfect." Alicent corrected.
Alicent stayed with her every night that her children werent with her and it was nice to have a friend.