My Tears Ricochet // Alicent Hightower

30. Invite It In

Davinas mind was running wild, she didn't know what to do. She loved Harwin, she swore he was the truth, the light, the path she needed to take. So she felt guilty being moved by Daemon still. Feeling this utter rage towards him when she loved Harwin completely. But Harwin was dead. Davina did need to move on. She just wasnt as good as Rhaenyra at moving on apparently. 

"Cant sleep?" Davina pondered when she saw Laenor outside. 

"A lot on my mind." Laenor agreed. 

"I assume you heard." Davina remarked as she sat beside him. 

"Yeah." Laenor agreed. "You said it or was Rhaenyra spinning bullshit again?"

"I said it. I regretted it but I said it." Davina agreed. "In that moment... Gods in the moment." Davina rasped. "I hated her so much. I hated everything and everyone and... I wish I could un say it like that."

"I understand. We all act out when we are mad, sad... all the feelings." Laenor offered. 

"You hid in the waters all day." Davina countered. 

"We all deal with grief differently." Laenor added. 

"I'm a monster." 

"You are not." Laenor corrected. 

"I am." Davina corrected him. "Gods I shouted it and I..." she huffed out a breath as she looked to him. He held up a jug of whiskey. She took it from him taking a long sip. Laenor listened to the waves crashing in before them. "I dont like your nieces either." Davina added. "This would not have happened if they were-"

"More like Laena?" Laenor pondered. Davina gave a slow nod. "Laena wanted a dragon more than anything else in the world." Laenor corrected. "The girls were the same way it seemed. They got that from her."

"I dont remember Laena being aggressive." Davina countered. 

"You should have seen her when she was little." LAenor corrected. "WHen I took her toy or stole food from her plate she shouted, pitched a fit, punched me a few times." Laenor admitted. "She had a temper but she was my little sister and I love her." 

"I'm the baby of the family. It comes with the territory as youngest." 

"Does it?" Laenor mused. 

"Yep. I was everyones favorite until it really matters." Davina agreed. 

"Gael strong was the boys father." Laenor rasped. 

"He's dead so you dont have to worry about him." Davina offered taking about swig from the jug. "I also told Rhaenyra and Daemon if they came to the capital, Fury would greet them and promptly tear them limb from limb." Davina added. 

"Am I included in that massacre?" Laenor pondered. 

"No." Davina assured. "The boys either if you ever want to visit... I dont know if they forgive me but I told them the truth."

"I'm glad you did. Even if no one will admit it you did the right thing." Laenor assured her. 

"It doesnt feel like the right thing." Davina countered. 

"Thats how you know you did it." Laenor agreed. "If it were easy everyone would do it. Tell the truth, stand up to the crown, love the unlovable."

"What do I do if it never feels like the right thing. If it just hurts me and the people I love more and more." Davina whispered. 

"All you can do is be ready for the good, so when it comes, you invite it in. Because you need it. I need it."

"I hope you find your happiness Laenor. I know its not with Rhaenyra." Davina remarked. 

"She tell you that too?"

"I see how you look at me." Davina remarked. "i'm hot stuff even on my worst days." Laenor chuckled. "You know it. But I know you are not my type and I'm not yours." 

"And you are okay with that?" Laenor questioned. 

"Find a man that treats you right. Like Harwin treated me." Davina suggested. "And when his fine ass comes knocking, you invite him in."