The smell of lilies and carnations is still fresh in your mind.
The first time that sickening scent had wafted in your nose, it was at the funeral of Stanley's father. He was a nice guy, even though you had only met the now-deceased man about two times at most. But he was the one who taught Stanley how to use and hold a gun. He loved and cared for him, like a proper father.
For Stan, he was his role model.
Even though you had hadn't seen Stan shed a single tear as he stood emotionless at the funeral, you could see the slight tremors of his tiny shoulders. Xeno probably noticed it too, but didn't point it out either.
Stanley didn't say a word, only nodding at everyone who would offer their condolences. You did, however, see him grit his teeth after he saw them giving him a look filled with pity.
He hated being looked down upon, even if it was at his father's funeral.
The young boy wasn't known for showing a broad range of his emotions, especially grief. You knew that; Xeno knew that; even his relatives knew that. But that didn't stop people from circulating those harsh whispers, talking about the lack of an emotional response from the ten year old Stan.
Yet when you and Xeno stayed over for the night after the funeral, you felt him grip your hand as he drifted off to sleep... just a little bit tighter this time.
—————
The second time your trio was hit with the griefs of death, it was at Xeno's house.
It was his family dog, Roxy.
You watched with a distant ache in your 12 year old chest as Xeno's father lowered the poor dog in the grave.
You can vividly remember playing with Roxy in the blazing heat of summer like it was yesterday. She always liked you more than the boys, probably since Xeno almost never played with her. He opted using her as an assistant to get things for him.
Even though Xeno kept saying that it didn't bother him, since every living being will die one day. But you can remember Xeno leaving later in the afternoon, only returning with a single white lily to place on Roxy's grave.
Once again, grief struck the three of you when at age 15, Xeno lost his mother.
You're not sure if you had ever seen such dead eyes on a living person's face. It was like a part of Xeno had died alongside his mother, that day. You and Stanley didn't dare leave his side. While you tended to Xeno, Stan took care of everything else involving the funeral.
The fragrance of lilies and carnations on her funeral was a grim reminder that you all had yet again, lost someone dear.
You certainly hoped that it would be the last time you would ever smell that sickening scent.
If only you knew...
—————
You never had a good relationship with your mother.
After your father had left her, she had become deranged, constantly picking fights with anyone she saw. That anyone usually ended up being you, and since you were the older one out of you and your sister, there was no other choice but to take on your mother's brutal words and harsh slaps.
Protecting your sister was something that you did, not just because you wanted to protect her, but also because it was your duty. She was young; nothing but a child.
Children her age should be playing around and enjoying their weekends. Instead, she was met with a broken home, a deranged mother, and an older sister who clearly didn't sleep more than 2 hours a day just to put food on the table.
You didn't make enough money to afford a proper apartment, and you couldn't just leave your sister in that hellhole, so you really didn't have any other choice but to put up with your mother's abuse. You had considered CPS, but you had realised the harsh truth that once you would be in custody of the police, chances are that you might be separated from your sister. The thought alone was enough to scare you.
At the very least, you were the only one she'd beat up, and not your sister.
Sometimes when you laid awake at night, unable to sleep due to your insomnia, your gaze would fall upon your peacefully sleeping sister. It would light up a fire inside of you; the passion to give her the life that she deserves.
And sometimes now... you wonder what you could have done to change the fate that befell you on that day...
It was a rather cold day. A blizzard had just hit Texas in the early days of February and you already had a hard time getting back home.
You couldn't wait to get back home to your sister, if only the snow wasn't such an annoyance. Having missed your last bus to home, you had to walk your entire way back.
When you walked just a bit closer to your house, a blood curling scream rang in your ears.
Your closest neighbors rushed out of their house, a frail old lady and her daughter, Connie. When they caught sight of you, they helped you get in since your front door was locked. The old lady was calling the police and ambulance while you and her daughter broke in.
There she was. Your mother was kicking the black and blue body of your 12 year old sister.
Your feet stuck to the ground, too heavy to take a single step. But you're sure it wasn't because of the cold. It wasn't until Connie tackled your mother to the ground, did you finally break out of your stupor and rushed over to your sister.
Taking off your coat, you wrapped the article around her damaged body, cradling her in your arms like a new born child. You picked her up and didn't waste a second to take your sister outside, your gaze falling upon your mother being tied up by your neighbor.
You lived in a poor neighborhood, and having a car was considered luxury. You didn't know what to do when your old neighbor rushed over to tell you that the blizzard would delay the ambulance and police.
What to do?
With not another thought, you dialed your friends' numbers; Xeno and Stanley. You knew they would come. You trusted them with all your heart!
One beep.
Two beeps.
Three beeps.
Four-
Stanley didn't pick up. You remember him telling you that he'd be gone on a training mission.
You dialed Xeno's number. Surely, he would pick up! He most definitely would! If there's anyone you can rely on, it's Xeno-
No response...
You tried. Again, and again, and again. No response.
You tried messaging him. No response.
All your colleagues didn't live close enough, and you're sure that the blizzard would delay them even more.
With tears streaming down your eyes, you shoved your phone back in your pockets and turned to your neighbor, who was watching you with pity, before turning to your sister's bruised body.
You had no other choice.
With the help of your neighbors, you hoisted [Sister Name] on your back, feeling her blood seep in through your shirt, but you didn't give a damn. Slowly, but steadily, you walked your way through the thick snow and dragged your body forward.
All in the hopes of saving your sister.
The air was burning up your lungs. You had already discarded your coat, wrapping it around your sister, so your body was growing numb with each second. But you didn't let that stop you.
Move.
Move.
Move.
Make yourself move, even if you can't.
That's all you said to yourself as you dragged yourself ahead. Your neighbors helped you to the best of their abilities, but even they could only do so little. With you sister still on your back, you kept your focus simply on the warmth of her body and the track in front of you.
"[N... ame]?" A voice, barely above a whisper, called out. Your eyes widened when you recognized it to be your sister's, but you didn't want to give away your worry, so you chuckled nervously, "Hey, silly. Looks like you got in trouble, huh?"
"Mom... got home... drunk..." She croaked out, her eyes hardly open, "-she... got angry 'cause I... didn't get her... water like she asked..."
"That so? Well, I'll deal with her when we get home. Gotta get you treated first!" You cheered with fake enthusiasm, and your neighbors could only watch in pity.
A low chuckle left her pale lips. Followed by her choking on her blood. You quietened down after her coughing fit, only to start talking a few moments later to keep her conscious.
"Ya' know? I finally got enough money to get our own apartment... It's gonna be a bit far from your school, but we can always transfer you, right? You can call all your friends to our new house there... and have a sleepover, like you wanted."
"[Name]..." Your neighbor called out, but you didn't listen.
"And I wanted to keep it a surprise for you, but I've been savin' up money... for your college! You know that painting you showed me? I... I showed it to my friends! Even grumpy Xeno was impressed! Stan even said that if you become an artist, he's definitely going to buy all your paintings!!" Your voice cracked with each syllable you uttered, tears threatening to spill from your eyes as your sister kept her head buried in the crook of your neck.
"You wanted to because a famous ass painter, right? Well, your big sis has got enough money to send you to art school, so go get your dreams! But just... just stay with me, kiddo..."
"I love you... big sis... I really do. Y-You're... so cool, and pretty... I... want to be just like you..." Your neighbors couldn't bear to watch this anymore.
It was too painful.
"-because my big sister... is the nicest person... ever."
She... didn't utter another word after that.
You tried to keep your tears in as you forced yourself to chuckle, "When'd you get so sappy? But... Big sis loves you too, okay? So stay with me! Don't you dare fall asleep, sleepy head!"
Your neighbor's daughter watched with horror as you kept on rambling, trying to ease yourself with random things, anything you could talk about to [Sister Name].
"[Name]... [Name], she's already-"
"I'll get you some chocolate when you're all better! You like the one with caramel in it, right? Hehe, you're such a picky eater. Ya know what Stan said? He said he'll get you something real nice from Georgia, when he comes back from his training!"
No response.
Suddenly, you stopped walking.
"Mrs. Lee?" You called out to your neighbors walking behind you, a scared smile resting on your lips. Tears began to pool in your eyes as you refused to look their way, and just continued staring up ahead.
"Could you check up on [Sister Name]?" You were shaking. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you finished.
"-her body... is cold..."
Even though the scent of lilies and carnations only brought you pain, you couldn't bear to hate them... after all, they were your sister's favorites.