(8:24am)
i woke up to the light seeping through matts curtains. i felt like shit. i had only slept for like 3 hours..
i had forgotten i had moved to matts bed at the last minute, so i was very confused when i woke up. trevor was still asleep next to me. i looked over at matts clock, and it read 8:24.
8:24?!?! SHIT!!! MY ALARM WAS IN MY BEDROOM SO I DIDNT HEAR IT!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK.
i sprang out of matts bed and rushed to my room. i kept my hoodie on and put a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms on instead of my pajama pants. i brushed my hair, and my teeth and washed my face. i didn't have time for my makeup. school was starting in 10 minutes by the time i had done all of this.
i didn't have time to make breakfast, so i rushed to put my shoes on and grabbed my bag, keys and my airpods. i got a glimpse of myself in the mirror and i looked horrific. my eyes, once again were puffy, and i took a look at my wrists and they were getting redder and redder by the second.
i couldn't believe i was going to school like this, but i had to. otherwise my brothers would get even more mad at me and i'd disappoint them even more.
i kissed trevor goodbye and rushed out of the house, speeding to school. it was really cold out and the ground was wet because it was stormy all night. it wasn't raining currently, but it was supposed to later.
boston weather.
(9:12am)
i had finally arrived at school, shivering. it had started to pour with rain as soon as i got onto campus. my hair had gotten messed up on the way and it took me AGES to get there. the corridor was empty as i headed to home room, but then guess who i saw in the hallway.
sophie.
she was walking in the opposite direction to me, heading towards me. she looked awful too, as if she had woken up late and gone through the exact same thing i had this morning. we both slowed down when we saw each other.
"hi" i said.
"hi" she responded, dryly. there was an awkward silence.
"i haven't seen you in a while" i said. she nodded.
"that's because i haven't been in in a while. took a break from school." she said, with sass. i raised an eyebrow.
"you're allowed to do that?" i asked.
why did she need a break off school? if anything, i was the one who needed a break.
"yeah. i needed to." she began. "all because of that fucking argument we had."
woah woah woah.. because of ME? i wasn't doing this again. first with my brothers, now with sophie.
"hold up, why are you blaming ME for your problems? you were the one who started that argument, i'm not gonna let you blame me for it"
"no, maddie. it's because you made me so fucking insecure about myself. you were never happy for me about getting into the cheer team. you know what, you're just so stupid." she said, getting louder. "you can't do anything for yourself. the only reason you're even so famous is because of your brothers. you're such a fucking wimp."
fire built in inside of me.
"you shut your disgusting fucking mouth right now you horrible bitch" i responded, holding my anger in. "why do you think you're so much better than everyone else?"
"oh shut up. i know you're not talking, you fat ugly bitch. what even happened to you? you look awful today. aww, another anxiety attack?"
i was shaking in anger. i could feel myself going red from fury. i swear i could feel steam coming out of my ears too.
"don't you dare say that you horrid bitch"
"why? what are you gonna do? you don't scare me, you crybaby. you're probably gonna ask matty watty to pick you up and save you from another panic attack. you're so sensitive it's actually funny. your whole family-"
without even thinking, i swung my arm, and punched her right in her nose with FORCE. so much force it hurt my fist to do it. she winced in agony, turning her head away with her hand over her nose. i gasped.
holy shit. what the fuck did i just do.
i froze, panicked.
i was gonna be suspended for sure. and my brothers would hate me more. and all my teachers.
"oh my god.. sophie i'm so sorry-"
she turned to face me, tears in her eyes, her nose was dripping with blood and her lip was covered in it. her palm was all red. my stomach turned in fear, as one of the teachers rushed out of his classroom to us. i began to hyperventilate, in shock at what i had just done. i was losing control. i felt like i wasnt in control of my actions anymore. i couldn't believe what i had just done. sophie was crying as the teacher helped her.
"what on earth has happened?? did you do this??" she asked, holding her hand out under sophie's nose as sophie sobbed in pain. i couldn't answer. i ran out of the building, and burst into tears. i didn't look back. i just ran and ran and ran as fast as i could. i didn't know if anyone was chasing me, but the whole time i had the image of her bloody hand and face in my mind, all because of me. again.
i couldn't go home because my brothers were going to be home soon and i could NEVER EVER tell them about what just happened. it was pouring with rain and normally i would care about this but i just needed to get out of school. my hair was all ruined and i was soaking. i was shivering too. i stopped by a tree in the park, and sat down against it on the floor as the rain poured down. i cried and cried and cried with rain, i couldn't breathe. how did i end up like this. what was wrong with me. my wrists were in agony and the swelling was getting worse. still.
i stayed here for around twenty minutes, before i decided to head to elmer's house. if he was home i could talk to him. i know i could. he was nearest to the school so i ran to his. i was soaking wet, if you saw me you would've thought i'd been swimming.
i arrived at elmer's, and knocked on the door. no answer. i did this around five more times before coming to the conclusion that he wasn't home. i shouted in frustration, before deciding to run to alahna's, who was another ten minutes away.
i arrived at alahnas, out of breath and shivering, feeling like i was gonna pass out. i rung her doorbell and waited, shaking, tears streaming down my face. to my luck, alahna was home. she opened the door, and her face paled when she saw the state of me.
"oh my gosh sweetie what happened? what's going on? holy shit come inside, you're soaking wet" she said, pulling me inside as i broke down into more tears. she shut the door and grabbed a towel and wrapped me in it, and brought me into her arms for a massive hug. i hadn't had a hug in what felt like decades. i really needed that. alahna gave the best hugs. she rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head.
"you poor baby. let me get you a dry hoodie and some new sweatpants"
she led me to her room and gave me the clothes. i changed out of my clothes and put them on. they were nice and warm. she sat me down on her bed and brushed my wet hair, then dried it with a towel. it was still pretty wet but it was better than before.
"what happened?" she asked, rubbing my back. i shook my head, sobbing. she wiped my eyes with her hand.
"it's okay to cry, mads. it's absolutely okay. i'm not gonna judge you. i'm here for you, sis, always." she said. i nodded.
"i know" i sniffed, heartbroken. my heart fucking ached.
"do your brothers know where you are?" she asked, trying to distract me.
i shook my head.
"they can't know"
"maddie, they need to know"-
"no, they can't" i cried, shaking. she brought me into her chest and rubbed my head as i cried into her lap.
i told alahna what happened with my brothers and in school eventually. she held my hand the entire time, looking after me and making sure i was alright.
"maddie, i completely understand why you don't want to tell them, but they need to know. they're your brothers, they're gonna be here for you, there's only so long you can hold a grudge against someone. they're gonna be worried about you if you don't tell them because they will find out eventually."
"i know but i'm scared" i trembled. she nodded.
"i know you are, baby. but you don't need to be. they're gonna always be here for you. i know what they're like, and you do too. it's been a hard few days but they're gonna understand everything and help you. you're gonna be okay."
i nodded, and finally let her call my brothers.