I got bored at home by myself, it was 10 and I already had a bubble bath and tried having a quiet night. But, my boredom was on another level. I found myself hanging off of my bed backwards, staring at my wall. I was completely dissociating at this point. 'hot girl bummer' by blackbear played in the background on my speaker. I had partially cleaned my room earlier, but my motivation got lost under a 2 foot pile of laundry. I sat up remembering the Crown Royal Apple Whiskey that resided somewhere in the kitchen, 'Ouu,' I thought as I made my way into the kitchen.
The bottle was on top of the fridge, so I put it on the counter and grabbed the apple juice from the fridge. There wasn't much liquor missing from the bottle. I debated between mixing a little bit of the whiskey into some apple juice, or taking massive shots and drowning the burn with the apple juice instead. My toxic traits egged on the latter. I tipped the bottle over my open mouth and kept pouring until my mouth was practically full. I swallowed a couple of times until it was gone, and immediately took a gulp of apple juice.
It turned into one of those moments where you realized your mistake immediately. But the regret vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared. I began to dance and turned the music up from my phone, "We go stupid, we go stupid, we go- And you want me to change? Fuck you! Fuck you, and you, and you-" My head bobbed loosely from side to side as my hips followed suit. I mentally muted myself, focusing on the music and the feeling. I grabbed the bottle again, pouring slightly less into my mouth this time. I chugged apple juice and grabbed the bottle as I made my way to the living room, "This that hot girl bummer anthem, turn it up and throw a tantrum." The song ended. I paused and waited for the next song to play, "You were with your friends partying when the alcohol kicked in-" I resumed bouncing my hips side to side wildly as I sang along to "Maniac" by Conan Gray.
My drinking antics continued for half an hour, simply bouncing around the house by my lonesome and drowning any negativity. The loneliness settled in again after a while, and I had the bright idea to order an uber to this Chinese takeout place down the street from the club that Judah works at. My plan was to surprise him with his favorite order on his lunch break. He usually had his lunch at 11:30, and it was currently 10:47. After the ride was placed, I ran into my room smiling at my wonderful idea.
I threw on some random, ripped skinny jeans I found on the floor and a cute white tube top with my white air forces. After a quick glance in the mirror I decided that my hair and makeup were satisfactory. I had looked for my favorite hoops for almost 10 whole minutes when I finally realized they were still in my purse from the other night. I made my way to the couch where I had left it, grabbed my hoops and put them in. My phone dinged from the kitchen counter, my uber was outside. I chugged the bottle one last time and grabbed my purse, rushing out of the house I locked the front door behind me.
Once I was situated in the back seat of the car, I called the take-out place and ordered our usual. This wasn't the first time I had done this, so my timing was nearly down to a science. I swayed my head side to side, listening to the music in my uber the whole rest of the way there. I arrived at the restaurant 10 minutes before Judah's lunch. I went inside and grabbed the order before heading over to the club. The walk was usually about 6 minutes long, but I decided to stop at a mini mart along the way.
"Hey, wanna grab me that shot of Fireball?" I asked the cashier as I set the takeout bag on the counter, "And actually you know, I'd like a shot of that Jack as well."
"ID, please," The older gentleman said as he grabbed the shots from the clear casing. I pulled my ID out of my purse, and smiled as he slid the bottles over to me. I tapped my phone on the card reader and opened the fireball, "Receipt?" he asked.
"I'm all good, have a lovely night sir," I took the shot of Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey and put the mini bottle in the trash. In case it wasn't obvious I liked dark liquor, whiskey traditionally. I shoved the other shot in my purse along with my phone and ID. I continued on my walk to the club. A few guys whistled at me from across the street, yelling some nonsense that I couldn't understand. I just spun around, stumbling slightly, and waved at them. It was a very busy street, and there was a bit of foot traffic here and there. Traffic increased as I slowly approached the club. I pulled out my phone and noticed it was 11:30. I texted Judah:
Come otside! I have chinnese ☺️
I made my way around the back of the club and towards Judah's car, the alley on the way to the parking lot was very sketchy, so I made a point to stay on my phone. It felt safer, if anyone walked towards me there were less steps to call the cops. I hopped onto his trunk and sat patiently waiting for him to walk out of the back door. I would've gone inside, but they didn't allow any outside food or beverages. I was kicking my feet and humming the song from the uber, it was stuck in my head. A couple minutes passed, and I sang myself into a loop of the chorus over and over. I went on Spotify and hit shuffle play, trying to get the song out of my head. "PRBLMS" by 6LACK started playing, it wasn't very upbeat. But, I still caught a good vibe and sang along enthusiastically. I began to get hungry, so I took out my box of food and opened it on my lap.
The metal door creaked open and slammed shut, "Hey! Look who it is," Judah smiled, his arms were open. His outfit for work was simple, a black collared button up shirt. His sleeves were 3/4 length, complimenting his veiny forearms. He left the top buttons undone, exposing his collarbones and a bit of his chest. The shirt hugged him in all the right places, showcasing his athletic chest and arms. He always did his hair with minimal effort for work, a few strands hung in his face with the rest pushed back loosely with some kind of product. His hair was a nice lighter brown and it was cut in a curtain style. His hair gave Cole Sprouse vibes. The look was finished off with basic black jeans and black vans.
I squealed, "Finally!" I set my food on his trunk and hopped off of the car, almost falling on my way down. I laughed at myself, "Shit! It feels like I've been waiting forever."
"Are you fucking drunk?" He asked me seriously as he put his hands on my shoulders, looking me in the eyes.
"I just got so lonely at home," My eyes avoided his, "And that big bottle was looking at me. You know?" I hugged him, "It said 'I'm lonely too Kyleigh'. So we had a bit of a party."
He hugged me back tightly, "Let's eat in the car."
"Okay," I pulled back smiling and grabbed the food as he unlocked his car. I made my way to the passenger side of his car with my hands full. Judah sat in the car and I paused at the door, trying to figure out how to open it. His head leaned over with a confused look on his face. He realized my dilemma and opened the door for me from the inside, laughing at my mistake.
"Why didn't you just set something on the roof? Or put your bag on your arm instead of in your hand?" He shook his head with a big smile as he grabbed the boxes of takeout from my hands.
"Listen," I dragged, slightly embarrassed, "I just wanted you to open the door for me." I put my purse on the floor of his car and paused the music on my phone, I closed the car door and put my phone in my bag. I remembered the shot of Jack Daniels I had in there and I rummaged around to find it.
"Here," Judah put my food on the center console and opened his, he already began shoveling food into his mouth when he said, "Thank you, I was craving this shit."
I smiled as I found the tiny bottle and opened it immediately, throwing my head back and emptying the contents into my mouth, "You're welcome," I said after I had finished swallowing.
"Christ. How much alcohol does one need? And why didn't you just fill a water bottle with the shit from home?" He was looking at me concerned, still chewing his food.
I shrugged and opened my food, placing the container on my lap, "How's work?" I evaded his questions because frankly, I didn't have any answers for him. I spun chow mien around my fork and took a bite.
"Good actually, tips are nice. Super busy, since it's Friday night," We both kept eating our food. He always got fried rice and this shrimp, chicken thing. I almost always ordered chow mein and their sweet and sour chicken. Sometimes I ordered their mandarin chicken and white rice instead, it just depended on my mood.
"That's good," my mouth was full, "Oh!" I swallowed my food before continuing, "I told Millie to bring Jane and we all go to the club together tomorrow night. I was gonna talk to Cisco too."
He looked at me, groaning slightly, "Ky," he dragged, "I made plans with Kelsey tomorrow night."
I laughed at my unfiltered thought, "Bring her too, you can have a threesome."
"Dear lord, I wouldn't know what to do with myself," he sighed, "I can just ask her to hang out on Sunday if you're cool with that."
I pouted at him, "Self-care Sunday!" I whined. It was tradition that we hung out on Sunday nights, I would do a face mask and force him to do one too. We watched movies, drank, and also cooked dinner together. It was my favorite day of the week.
"I'll be back to make dinner, and we can watch a movie while we eat," He reasoned with me.
"Okay," I sighed as I swirled more noodles onto my fork, "You better be home by like 8 dude, or I'll cry."
He chuckled at my childishness, "Well we can't have that, now can we?" We ate in silence for a minute or two. I began thinking about the fact that he's only missed probably a total of 4 self care Sundays in 5 years.
He always made me feel better, the way he treated me like some kind of precious kid sometimes just made me feel so loved. His flirting made me feel attractive and wanted. And the way he worried about me and took care of me made me feel safe. Judah was truly my safe place. I had been in foster care for as long as I could remember, my biological parents had no place in my memories anymore. I had bounced from group home to foster family until I was 14 years old. At first I wasn't placed with potentially adopting families, all of my homes were supposed to be temporary. But when my parents officially gave up custody of me, 4 years later, I started acting out. Nobody wanted to adopt a troublemaker who pushed everyone and everything away. Then after over 5 years of that, I started high school. That's when I met Jean and Robert, my adoptive parents. That's also when I met Cisco and Judah, obviously. If it wasn't for them, my ways might have never changed. They made me want to stay there. Jean and Robert were also very involved, they were persistent and caring. I never got too close with either of them, but they are the only people I recognize as parents in my life.
I subconsciously started to tear up, "You know I love you, right? Like, more than life."
He looked at me, both smiling and sympathetic, "Babe don't cry. I love you too."
I inhaled sharply and wiped my watering eyes, "I'm not, I just really appreciate you. I wish I could put a tiny version of you on my keychain and have you with me everywhere I went."
He grinned at me, "I love your drunken affection."
"But like, I care about you so much. Like, never leave me. Okay?" My eyes watered again, "Because there is only one you in the world. I can't make a keychain! So that just means I'm gonna have to keep the real you forever. You know? I can't live without you. Life without you isn't worth living."
He covered his mouth, hiding his amusement as much as he could, "Kyleigh," He said between laughs, "You need to go home, love."
"No! You can't leave me!" I remembered my loneliness and began to cry.
"That's not it baby girl," He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, "You just need to take a cold shower, and wait for me at home. Go take a nap or something, okay? You can't forget how much I love you. I'll never leave you. I'll always come back for you, okay?"
I sniffled, "Okay," my face was buried in his shoulder, "You promise?"
"Pinky promise," He pulled away and stuck out his pinky. I wrapped my pinky around his and smiled, "As soon as work is over, I'll come home and we can do whatever you want."
"Anything?" I asked mischievously between sniffles, smiling harder.
"Anything," He agreed and kissed my forehead, "But you have to finish your food, and you have to swear one thing to me."
"What's that?" I asked as I focused on my food again, twirling more chow mien around my fork.
"You cannot drink anything except water until I get home," He shoved a few pieces of shrimp and chicken into his mouth.
I frowned, "I guess I can do that," I put my fork into my mouth, "But what if I get lo-"
"Nope."
"What if I wan-"
"Nope."
"Hey! What if yo-"
"Nuh-uh. Now promise me, or else we won't do anything that you want to do, at all," He shoveled fried rice into his mouth.
My eyebrows furrowed, "You know, you're so rude sometimes. Maybe I'll just wanna drink to drink and I'll say fuck you," I began to slur subtly.
"No deal, I'll lock myself in my room," He shrugged.
My jaw dropped, "You wouldn't."
"Try me," He put more food in his mouth.
"Fine!" I turned away from him and stabbed some chicken with my fork, "It's not like you'll notice anyway," I mumbled under my breath before shoving the food in my mouth.
"Hmm?" Judah hummed with his mouth full of rice.
I swallowed my bite, "Nothing." We sat in the car eating our food for the next 15 minutes until we both finished.
"I ordered you an uber, it'll be here in like 15 minutes. Everything is busy tonight. But my lunch is over soon, you should come inside with me until it gets here," Judah looked up from his phone at me.
My eyes lit up, 'How does he have such good ideas!' I smiled, "Okay, that sounds fun!"
He handed me a bottle of water that had been sitting in his car for god knows how long, "Don't get any ideas. You will sit right in front of me at the bar," He had a very serious face and a stern tone. 'Okay, daddy.' I thought. I smirked and nodded at him, opening the water bottle. I took a few sips and put the bottle in my bag, "You ready?"
"Mhm," I chimed as I grabbed my bag and got out. I was almost jumping with excitement. Judah followed shortly after me as I slowly wandered across the parking lot towards the back entrance.
"Alright let's go," he grabbed my hand as he banged on the door, someone opened it from the inside.
It was Stefan, my favorite bouncer, "Hey!" I said cheerfully.
"She's just gonna wait for an uber really quick," Judah explained.
"I didn't even see anything, I'm on a smoke break," He continued to walk out of the door and it slammed shut behind him. Judah pulled me through the back and over to their time clock, he swiped a card and led me out to the bar.
He made me face him and pushed my back into the bar, "Stay right here," He leaned forward and said loudly in my ear. I began thinking of all the things I wanted to do, and what he might do if I did them.
I turned around as he walked away, watching him disappear. One of the other bartenders noticed me and walked over smiling, "Hey Kyleigh!" It was Alonzo, "Want a shot? On me."
"Hell yeah!" I cheered.
"No!" Judah's voice boomed from behind him. My expression flipped quickly, I looked at Alonzo and pursed my lips trying not to smile. Judah turned to Alonzo, saying some words I couldn't quite make out over the music. Alonzo looked at me as if to say 'I tried' or 'sorry' as he shrugged and walked away.
"You're no fun," I shouted at Judah and leaned my elbows on the bar, holding my head up.
"Yes I am. You're just wasted," He replied to me. A girl walked up next to me and ordered some fruity drink, he began to make it and I looked at the crowd of people. I began to bob my head and eventually made my way towards the dance floor.
"Hey," a voice said from behind me, I turned to see a random guy. He was cute enough, so I began to dance with him. He pulled me close to him and his fingers slipped into the waist of my jeans.
I looked up at him, as I was about to say something I was pulled away by my waist. Judah had wrapped his arm around me from behind, he pulled me to the side and said something to the guy I was dancing with before walking away. He pulled me into his body and leaned down, "What is your problem? I asked you to stay at the bar. Are you trying to get me fired or something?" He yelled into my ear.
"I can handle myself! You don't need to treat me like a baby!" I screamed back at him.
"You aren't thinking straight. When have you ever gone to dance at a club by yourself?" He asked.
"You're right here, and I'm not as drunk as you think!"
"I cannot watch after you, I'm working Ky! Your ride will be here soon, don't make me tie you up," He put me back where I was before returning behind the bar.
I huffed and waited there, thinking about how he would even tie me up in the first place. It sounded kind of nice, honestly. I watched him do his thing, mixing drinks and flirting with girls. He looked so good behind the bar, you couldn't tell how ugly his jeans were. I put my elbows on the bar and leaned my chin on my hand, admiring his arms and his smile. He would turn around to grab certain bottles or ingredients with a face of concentration, his jaw would clench as he mixed the drink. He was so cute.
Suddenly he looked right at me and our eyes locked. I swallowed as he pulled out his phone and made his way towards me, "Ubers here!" He shouted across the bar, "I told him what you look like. Head out the front." I looked at him, waiting for a proper goodbye. His face became confused, "Hurry up, go!" I walked around the corner of the bar and pouted as I put my arms out, reaching for a hug. He rolled his eyes and cracked a small smile as he hugged me tightly, "You're going to get me in trouble," he tried to let go but I held on, his arms wrapped around me tighter, "Take a bath, wait for me. Water only. Okay?"
"Okay," I mumbled into his chest, he kissed the top of my head and I finally let go. I began to walk towards the front, looking back at him. He smiled at me and puckered his lips. 'I love him.'