Skeppy POV
I drag myself out of bed, having no motivation to do anything.
It's been only a week since Darryl passed, but it feels like years.
My friends said they'd come over today, which I suppose is meant to comfort me, but I don't want comfort.
The feeling of emptiness inside of me is growing by the minute, I feel drained and depressed. Broken without my other half.
Not bothering to shower or eat breakfast, I stumble down the stairs.
I sit on the couch, phone in my hand. Though I know it'll only make my grief worse, I pull up my YouTube channel, selecting my most recent video.
It's a simple bedwars video, but Darryl's there with me. Hearing his lighthearted giggles and flirts almost brings a smile to my face, but then I remember he's gone.
I'll never hear that sweet laugh again, see his mesmerizing eyes, feel his lips against mine.
Letting myself fall to a lying position, I curl into a tight ball, unable to stop the tears from flowing.
The video is still playing, our friendly banter settling in my ears.
After at least an hour of allowing my phone to go on autoplay, I hear a knock on my door.
I don't bother to answer it, but that doesn't stop the group of people stepping into my house two minutes later.
"Zak? Are you home?" I recognize Geo's voice.
The floor creaks, and I see Rose standing in front of me. "Found him."
The rest of my friends file into the living room, shaking their heads at my sorry state.
I must look pathetic, wrapped in my dead boyfriend's hoodie, listening to his voice while I cry my eyes out. It's pretty obvious I haven't eaten in a while, and I haven't changed my clothes since the incident.
My eyes have dark bags under them from lack of sleep, as well as a rim of red from crying so much.
Arran picks up my phone, pausing the video that had been playing. He then sits down next to me, sympathy in his eyes.
"Zak, this isn't healthy. Darryl wouldn't want to see you like this."
"Then I guess it's a good thing he won't." I reply, feeling my eyes well with tears.
I bury my head into Arran's shoulder, letting my tears soak his t-shirt. He pulls me into a hug, gently rubbing my back.
Harvey sits down on the floor in front of me. "When was the last time you ate? And showered? You need to take care of yourself."
I just shake my head, not trusting myself to speak.
"Zak." Jacob warns. "We know you're going through a hard time, but this isn't healthy. Mega, help me get him some food."
I pull away from Arran's hold, letting out a sigh as my head hits the couch.
"I can't do this anymore."
Whipping his head to look at me, Rose frowns, "I know it's hard right now, but it'll get better. You have to stay strong."
"What's the point? He was the best thing that ever happened to me, my happiest moments. Now, there's nothing. I have nothing to live for." I speak with absolutely no emotion in my voice.
"No, don't say that." I can see that Harvey is close to tears. "What about us? Your dogs, parents, fans?"
"I guess." I shrug.
Trying to relieve the tension in the room, Arran lets out a nervous giggle, "Maybe we could just watch a movie or something? Or something else fun?"
"Whatever." I reply.
Jacob and Mega come back into the room, holding a sandwich.
"Eat." Jacob instructs, pushing the plate towards me.
I push it away immediately, "Not hungry."
"You never told us when you last ate."
Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I whisper, "A little over a week ago, I think? It was with him."
Geo frowns, "That's really dangerous, Zak. You need to eat something."
"You guys are so selfish!" I snap. "He'll never get to eat food, hang out with his friends, watch a movie ever again! You act like he's still here!"
My voice is hoarse from crying, and I look away as everyone stares at me in shock and sadness.
Harvey frowns, "How can you say that? He was our friend too. We miss him too, but the way you're coping isn't helping anyone, especially not you."
"Harvey's right," Rose says, "We understand how much he meant to you, and it's really hard to get over loss, but this needs to stop. We're saying this because we care."
I just shake my head, "You don't understand, you'll never understand."
"Maybe not," Arran says, "But we can try. Please, take care of yourself."
The whole group wraps me in a hug, which I collapse into.
After a moment, we break apart.
"I'm sorry." I croak.
Everyone mutters comforting words, saying I have nothing to be sorry for, but everything just goes in one ear and out the other.
Mega gets up to put a movie on, but I don't even know what we're watching. The words don't process in my brain and the images on the screen just give me a headache.
Once the movie's over, Arran asks me, "Would it be ok if I stayed the night? I just want to be there for you."
"Whatever. Do what you want."
He puts a hand on my arm, "Well, what do you want?"
"I want Darryl back."
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A few more hours pass by, my friends continuing to put on movies, talk to me, offer food, anything that they think would comfort me.
Nothing really helps, but I'm grateful for the effort.
Once everyone but Arran leaves, I go up to my bedroom, not bothering to shut the door behind me.
I can hear my friend shuffling around downstairs, he'd said earlier that he would try to clean my house the best he could.
It won't matter how disgusting the place is if one resident is dead, and the other will be soon, but I don't tell him that.
After endless amounts of nagging, Arran finally convinces me to shower and change my clothes.
I turn the water up so hot it turns my skin red, but I continue to stand there, drowning in my misery.
I stand there for hours, until the hot water runs out and I'm left in an icy stream.
The change in temperature makes me flinch, but I don't get out.
Once I've been in the shower for an alarming amount of time, Arran knocks on the bathroom door. "Zak? You good in there? It's been a few hours..."
I snap out of my trance. "I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute."
I shut off the water and step out, catching my reflection in the mirror.
It's now that I realize just how sorry I look.
My eyes are sunken and hollow, the frame of my body frail and skinny enough that I can see my bones.
My arms are dotted with scars from the cuts I've left on myself throughout the week, some still red.
I fight the urge to pick up my razor and add to the collection, stopping myself only with the knowledge that Arran is likely nearby still nearby.
Once in my bedroom, I slip on a clean pair of sweatpants and another one of Darryl's hoodies.
The fact that it still smells like him; strong coffee and blueberry muffins makes my tears start flowing once again.
Arran must have heard my crying, because he rushes into my room, holding me as I cry into his shoulder.
"I- I miss him so much. Why did this have to happen? He was my- my everything." I dig my nails into Arran's arms and feel him flinch, but he doesn't pull away.
He runs a hand through my hair, "Hey, it's ok. Maybe you'll find someone else one day who will make you even happier?"
I shove him away, disgusted.
"How could you say that? Why would you- how could you? No one could ever replace him. No one could ever come close to him. He was my soulmate!"
Arran realizes his mistake. "Zak, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"
"I'm tired. You should go to bed too." I interrupt, signaling for him to leave.
"Zak, I..."
"Goodnight, Arran." I say firmly.
He takes the hint and leaves the room, looking guilty.
◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇
I wake up before my friend, glad I'll be able to do what I need alone.
Treading carefully downstairs, I head to the basement.
Darryl always loved to show off his collection of guns and knives, talking about how much he loved using them competitively.
I smile at the memory of him taking me out to go knife throwing, one of our first dates.
Twisting the dial lock to the room holding all his things, I open the door.
Inside is an assortment of different sized knives and models of guns.
I've never really known much about guns, but I take a smaller model.
I make sure it's loaded with bullets, and carefully make my way back upstairs.
Once in my room, I search through my desk for a pencil and paper.
Settling in my chair, I begin to write.
To whoever finds this (probably Arran),
I'm sorry.
I know you guys kept telling me I needed to stay strong, keep trying, live my life to the fullest. I'm sorry, but I just can't do it.
Without him, my life just feels empty. You guys tell me it'll get better, I'll move on, learn to be happy again, but I don't want that. I'll never be able to fully move on, and I don't want to. I don't want to forget about him or find someone better.
So, to my friends, my parents, his parents, I'm sorry.
Please don't feel sad that I'm gone, know that I'm in a better place, I'm happier now. At least now, I'll get to be with him again.
Remember to visit his grave, leave him some flowers for me. His favorites are blue Delphiniums.
They say if you truly love someone, you have to learn to let them go. Believe me, I loved him, love him more than life itself. Still, I don't think any amount of time will allow me to let him go, so, I guess I'll let myself go instead.
Remember to do what I couldn't, and live your life to the absolute fullest.
- Zak
Once I finish writing, u can feel the tears running down my face, some dripping onto the paper.
I carefully fold up the note, holding it as I sit on my bed.
Picking up the gun, my hand trembles slightly, but I know I have to go through with it.
As I press it to the side of my head, I see Arran poke his head in the doorway.
"Zak, are you awake yet? I made breakfast..." He sees the gun in my hand. "Zak, no! Please don't do this!"
His eyes widen, glossy and welling up with tears.
"I can't do it, Arran. It's better this way."
He pushes through the doorway, ready to stop me from what I'm about to do.
But it's too late.
"I'm sorry." I whisper, pulling the trigger.
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1954 Words
*End of Chapter 3*
Just to be clear, not shipping Skeppy with any of his friends here! Just besties comforting each other ^^
(For the ones who don't know names: Finn is Rose, Arran is Vurb, Geo is Spifey, Harvey is TapL, and Jacob is Zelk. Lmk if I forgot anyone)
Please vote if you liked this chapter :)
Remember to eat, drink water, and get sleep because you deserve it <3