Felix's pov
I am pissed at minho hyung, he messed up too why is he blaming just han?
I spend last night at han's house again, I am worried about what he could do, I know he is hurting, he is blaming himself about what happened with minho and after hearing that the two older boys are going to get divorced he became a mess we cried for the whole night yesterday telling me how it is his fault that we destroyed their family.
I don't know what to say or do with him, if you ask me for my opinion I will say that the three of them did wrong.i wonder what will happen now, I caressed han's fluffy hair after a long night he finally fall asleep a few hours ago.
My phone started ringing making me groan, I know it is 1 pm but han needed more rest I stood up from the bed in a hurry to not wake him up and I answered as soon as I stepped out of the room.
"yes seungmin"I said slowly closing the door.
"hey, lix I called you to tell you that all of us are going to hyunjin's house for dinner later, could you tell hanie too he did not answer his phone when I called him"I said, that's what we needed now.
"I am in his house he is sleeping"I replied taking a deep breath"I don't think that we will make it, sorry seungmin "I added.
"but we did not see hyunjin hyung for days now...aren't you worried?" he asked.
"I visited him yesterday and han was with me"I said, it is true that I did not talk with hyunjin or check on him but it is better this way, I am still feeling awkward because of the kiss, I mean why would he even do that?
"you did, and I thought that you do not want to go because he kissed you"he said in a teasing tone.
"seungmin don't you dare joke about this, he kissed me in front of his husband. Could you imagine how embarrassing it was for me?"I whispered yelled.
"okay, okay, I apologize but channie changbinie hyung, inie and I are going...if you want to check with han first, we would love to meet with you all.you know it is been too long since we have been together "he answered along me bite my lips, he is right it is true that we meet when hyunjin was in coma but not with him...i miss the old days, but us going will only make things awkward.
"I will check with him, no promises though"I said shaking my head
"okay, tell me if you are going...love you"he said making me smile.
"will do, love you too. Bye seungie"I hang up the phone taking a deep breath.
"felix"han said from inside the room, his voice sounding hoarse from all the crying and the lack of sleep, I ran inside the room immediately, his hair was messy he looked at me with big red eyes making my heart break, I hate seeing my friends hurt...i need to do something about this...should I talk with hyunjin? But how I am going to face him after...
The frown on his face disappeared when he saw me"what is wrong ?"I asked walking toward him.
"I thought....i thought you left"he said leaning on the headboard of the bed.
"I didn't "I said sitting next to him.
"I may sound selfish but felix I need you...promise me you won't push me away...i don't know what will the other reaction will be if they found out...but please don't leave me too"he daid
"han, we already have been through this"I said pulling him into a hug."I told you I won't leave your side...no matter what happens"I added.
"what if hyunjin finds out...and then he will hate me, I don't want to get on your way....god it makes me feel so disgusted I destroyed his marriage and now I am asking you to choose me over him...i am sorry "he tried pushing me away but I didn't let him.
"hey, listen to me... I indeed have feelings toward hyunjin but that won't make me choose him over you just because he asked me too...i am your friend since birth, if he doesn't accept my decision it is his problem..."
"but you love him, you will miss your chance with him...."
"han, do you really think that hyunjin will return my feelings...i mean let's be realistic I loved him for more than half of my life but he did not notice why would he now?"I replied, it hurts but it is true...it is not like I did not date but it is always come back to hyunjin, I tried moving on from him...i even fell for other people but my feelings toward hyunjim always come back....it is likely am cursed to love him forever, it is torture, sometimes I wish that I could just move on from him but...how, the boy is making it hard for me, when I thought I will forgive about him he went into a coma, and the first thing he does when he wakes up he kisses me...it is a hell of confusing...
"you told me he kissed you maybe he..."
"han, it was a mistake, he was confused that's it...let's not talk about it please"I said caressing his hair, he leaned into my touch humming."as I told you, I won't choose between you...if he refuses to talk to me because I am with you it is his decision "I added, he clenched into my shirt.
"lix"he said making a hum, I looked down to see him looking at me with big eyes"I am sorry"he added biting his lips.
"about?"I asked confused as his cheeks started to turn red.
"I remember...i mean what happened that night..... I don't know if it is true... but ..,..but if I really did that.... I am sorry"he stuttered, I know what he is talking about but seeing his flustered self made me want to tease him.
"what are you talking about, what happened?"I asked acting confused.
"I...well....i remember...was it a dream?"he asked himself.
"oh, you dream about me now, I am flattered"I said with a smirk.
"what no....i... felix"he said glaring at me" are you making fun of me?"he added I could not hold my laughs any longer.
"I swear, I have never thought you are this mean...apparently I don't know you...i can't believe I call you my best friend when you are hiding many things from me"he said pulling away"I am sorry that I kissed you okay"he added with a pout.
"it is okay"I said shaking my head"but I am confused what did I hide from you?"I added raising my eyebrow.
"you have hidden the fact that you slept with jeongin, changbin and seungmin"he replied making my mouth fell open
"who told you about this?"I asked with wide eyes.
"jeongin, he told me when we..."he stopped mid-sentence as if he regretted his words.
"that little..."I said clenching my jaw"wait a second continue, when you..."I added.
"what nothing...i visited him for dinner with...you know changbin hyung..."he jumped out of the bed.
"oh, you are lying....god, you and jeongin...you hid this from me too, why you are blaming me?"I said walking after him"tell me"I added taking a step toward him as he kept moving back until he has stuck after his back hit the wall.
"what else did he tell you?"I said putting my hands on each side of the wall.
"felix, this is...could you move back?"he said his whole face turning red, it is funny and at the same time exciting seeing him like this.
"if you want me to let you go tell me what that little idiot tell you"I said hovering him.
"nothing, he told me that and he said you were the devil in your previous life whatever that means?"he said trying to look away, I chuckled at his words.
"the devil, what a way to describe me?"I said making him look at me with wide eyes.
"felix"he gulped at I kept leaning in until I reached his ears" felix this is not right"he murmured.
"why? I am single you are too...what is stopping us"I kissed his neck, what the hell I am doing right now...i am going to mess things up, my mind is screaming at me to stop but in the same time I fell blinded because of him...
"because...because you don't love me and I have feelings for another person"he replied, it was like a slap in the face that made pull back a little.
"two people that we will never have"I said looking at him in the eyes.
"if, we do this now...it will ruin our realtionship....i don't want to use you or for you to use me like this...i care about you too much to do that"he said making me pull back completely.
"I apologize for my behavior"I said looking at the ground.
"no, no....lix it is okay...look at me you did not do anything wrong okay"he said taking my hands.
"you don't hate me right"I kind of afraid of what he will think of me now.
"how could I hate my soulmate?"he said with a big smile, soulmate...it made me feel so warm inside, it mad me feel happy somehow...what is happening, I can feel my heartbeat increase.
I cleared my throat looking away"I...seungmin called btw"I said trying to change to subject
"why?"he said walking across the room.
"he wants us to visit hyunjin for dinner later"I said biting my lips, the boy froze on his track as he was back facing me."I told him we won't go.i know you won't feel comfortable there...."
"no, I want to go"he cut me off.
"hanie, you don't need to..."
"I don't want the boys to feel like that there is something between us...Hyun-jin and I grew up together and I don't go it will make them suspicious"he replied with turning to look at me.
"but are you okay with meeting up with him?" I asked worried about what will happen if he meets minho hyung.
"I have you by my side, I will be fine...i am going to have a shower"he said entering the bathroom.
I have you by my side, I know that he did not mean it that way but it made my heart flutter.
"what the hell are you thing about felix"I shook my head leaving the room, now I start imagining things...
Minho's pov
Seeing hyunjin act that way shocked me the past few years he was living like a robot, he had never cried smiled or shown any kind of emotions ....the hyunjin who I fell in love with was gone...the playful boy who was so passionate about life was gone and have been replaced by an iceberg....he was dead emotionally when he started ignoring me I thought he was cheating on me honestly there was no other explanation do I decided to confirm him
Flashback
"hyunjin, damn it answer me...if you have someone else in your life just let me okay..."I run after him as he kept ignoring me, it is 1 am and he just come back from what he said was work but who works this late...
"I said I am not cheating"he entered his room not looking at me.
"I can smell you hyunjin, you were drinking did you go out?"I asked him but he didn't look at me as he better his closet getting his clothes out
"I didn't I was inside my office, check the surveillance cameras if you don't believe me"he replied removing his shoes.
"why would I do that...i am just asking you why are you acting like this...you are making me look like a jealous insecure wife...that's not who I am hyunjin and you..."
"so drop it"he said glaring at me.
"what do you mean drop it...you are ignoring me you are ignoring you kids"I yelled feeling frustrated, they are just 2 years and a few months yet not once I saw him hug them or spend time with them.
"is it their mom? Are you with her....if you don't love me anymore I will let you go"his eyes darkened at my words before he looked away taking a deep breath.
"I said"he stood up "I have work"he added entering the bathroom leaving me like that...what the hell is happening to him?
End of flashback
If he told me he does not love I would have left him but he did not, I was trying to figure out what is wrong with him until years passed but he did not even bug...so I ignored him too, I tired focusing on my work and the kids, I know they were not mine but seeing how hyunjin treated them made me feel the need to protect them...to show them they are wanted and loved, after that I grew to really care about them without even knowing...
"sir"I heard a knock on the door cutting my thoughts
"come on in"I replied the door was opened revealing one of the servants.
"mr Kim have arrived with the others, they are waiting for you down stairs "he said, is it already that late, I took my phone groaning after I saw the time it is 6 pm.
"did you tell hyunjin?"I said getting up.
"I went to his room but he was sleeping, that's why I come to tell you...he will get angry if I wake him"he said scratching his head.
"okay, you can go"I said making him leave why is he sleeping now?
I left the room walking toward him, I slowly opened the door to see him sleeping with hyunsoo inside his arms my lips turned into a smile seeing them like this...it is the first time I saw them hugging like this the little boy tried hugging him but he always pushed him away.
They looked exactly the same when they slept, the boy had some of his features but I will say that minji looks more like him, the features the temper...everything.
Should I give him a chance? I waited 4 years for him to talk to me but he didn't. And after I messed up he wants to give us a chance, it hurt my pride and at the same time I want him...
And the fact that I don't know what he will do if he finds out about what I did makes me scared that he will break my heart again....and han...he is making everything worse, I keep pushing him away not because I am blaming him but because I have feelings for him.i knew about his feelings since college, i watched how sad he was when hyunjin and I got married but he didn't show it...he just watched.
He is so caring and I used his feelings for my own good...but I did it because I wanted to...i am sure that I still love hyunjin...but god, what are you doing to me han jisung?
"minho"hyunjin said as he was awake looking at me confused.
"you are awake, the boys are here...."I said clearing my throat.
"you didn't answer me..."
"they are waiting down stairs, I will go first"I said taking hyunsoo inside my arms"i will take him to his room get ready"I added leaving without waiting for an answer...
This is so bad, and the fact that han could be with them too made it worse...