Intro
Mr. Wolf: Yeah! I'm bad!
Mr. Snake: You're bad!
Ms. Tarantula: He's bad!
Mr. Hornet: She's bad!
Mr. Piranha: We're bad!
Mr. Shark: Who's bad?
The Bad Guys: Yeah!
We're the Bad Guys!
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The Bad Guys rescheduled their times of fighting crime at night. They moved their time as vigilantes to 6 pm. Criminals sometimes began doing crimes early at night. That was how the Bad Guys used this advantage to fight other criminals, preventing them from doing something drastic.
Later at 9:30pm, the Bad Guys tiredly limped out of the elevator after their hard vigilant work in the whole city of LA, and stopping other criminals. They were worn out from doing good deeds for the whole night, so it was time for them to rest.
"Ugh! Being vigilantes is exhausting," Snake took off his black body suit, and threw it on the couch.
"Yeah, I think my wings are aching," Hornet lowered himself, and dropped on a cushion, seeing his wings all wrinkly.
"And I'm hungry," Tarantula crawled to the fridge, and when he opened the bigger door, all she could see were just the usual food she and the guys ate everyday, "Ugh, the same food in the fridge. Crickets? Push-pops? Veggie salad? Ham?" She used the force of her body to push the door close before jumping off to the floor, and crawling back to her friends, "We need something new to eat."
"What we need is a balanced meal with meat and vegetables," Shark stated as he imagined the food inside his mind, "I'm thinking tomatoes, and ham served on a bread base for a slow release of energy with melted cheese on top because dairy products are good for growing children's bone structure. It should minimize dishwashing, and be round in shape negating any sharp edges to avoid oral injuries."
"Oh, yeah. Pizza!" Wolf, Snake, Piranha, Tarantula, and Hornet guessed.
"Dagnabbit, I thought I just invented a new food. I was gonna call it "The circular half-sandwich with stuff on it." Shark exclaimed frustratingly, "I guess my greatest invention will remain the potato sticks fried in oil."
"That's french fries, Shark," Hornet reminded.
Snake slithered over the phone, "Okay, then, we'll get pizza delivered," he tapped the numbers on the phone as it rang.
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Same as always, Wolf, Snake, Shark, Piranha, and Tarantula ordered any pizza while Hornet stuck with the vegetarian. After 45 minutes, the pizza guy arrived with six boxes of pizza, and parked in front of the "abandoned" building at the 6th Street Viaduct.
"Okay, so this is the address," the pizza guy looked up, and there were no lights in the building. He looked down at the note again, pondering if this was the right address. Then, read the suggestion note below the address, "'Please leave the boxes here,'" He then saw a sign with an arrow pointing to the circular spot, indicating to leave the pizza boxes there. The pizza guy shrugged, "Okay," When he put the pizza boxes on the spot, he waited if something would happen or if someone would come, but there was no one around, "Guess I'll be leaving now."
When the pizza guy walked back into the car in the driver's seat, the circular spot under the pizza boxes opened, and dropped into the sidewalk. The pizza boxes got sucked into a maze of tubes as it was a long and fun journey, until the boxes flew up to the last floor of the building. The ceiling of the Bad Guys' hideout opened, and the boxes were safely caught by Shark in his fins.
"I got it! Yes!" Shark exclaimed while licking his lips.
"Good installing the tubes, Webs," Wolf complimented.
Tarantula, holding a remote with a red button, shrugged, "Eh, just in case we wanna order by delivery, I decided to have them bring our orders here."
When Shark passed down the pizzas with Snake already opened his, Hornet opened the box, and was excited to eat his vegetarian pizza. Snake glanced at his pizza, and rolled his eyes, "Seriously? Vegetarian?"
"Yes. I still don't eat meat. Remember that," Hornet said.
Wolf then announced while rubbing his pause together, "Okay. Dig in, fellas."
Finally, the Bad Guys enjoyed eating their individual pizza. They happily ate every slice. They even shared each other's pizzas. After eating, all the boxes were empty, meaning they finished eating all the pizza for dinner, and they were stuffed.
"It's probably just the pizza talking, but I love you guys," Snake said.
Piranha stood up from the floor after eating all of his pizza, and took a peek at the window. Looking down, he noticed the pizza car still parking beside the sidewalk, "Um, the pizza guy's car is still running outside."
Hornet also looked outside, and observed the pizza guy's car, "Four tires, not one of them the same."
"Is that guy still parking there?" Wolf asked.
"I'll check," Tarantula raised an arm as she sounded excited.
"Let's all check," Shark suggested.
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As the Bad Guys went outside of their hideout, they took a long way up the aqueduct, and rushed outside of their hideout's building where they found the pizza car. When they rushed to the driver's seat door, and looked through the window, the Bad Guys gasped in horror to see the pizza guy lifeless on his seat
"I think he's had a heart attack," Hornet said as he flew through a narrow opening of the window, and checked the vitals on his wrist, "He's dead."
"Oh, no, guys, this is terrible," Tarantula cooed worriedly.
"I know. Now everyone knows we eat pizza here!" Shark squeaked in panic with Snake rolled his eyes, and Hornet facepalmed.
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Later, the Bad Guys dragged the pizza guy's body into the tunnel of their hideout in front of the elevator.
"Okay, we have to get rid of this body so no one would connect us to the pizza guy. I don't want us to be framed again for something we didn't do," Wolf said in panic, "Anybody got any ideas?"
"We could put a yarmulke on him a-and dump him in the town square. Pretend it's a hate crime," Shark answered.
"Shark, come on. Where we gonna get a yarmulke?" Snake scowled, "I saw that you don't have one in your disguise closet."
"We should float him with balloons, like in Up. Then he's the sky's problem," Tarantula added.
Suddenly, they heard a vibration from the pizza guy's pocket, indicating his phone buzzed.
"Ay caramba, he got a text!" Piranha shrieked.
"Wolf, you get it," Hornet commanded.
"Why me?" Wolf asked surprisingly.
Because you're a pickpocket!"
Wolf sighed in defeat as he took out the pizza guy's phone from his pocket, and opened the message. The messenger showed that his boss texted the guy about the other deliveries that he hadn't delivered yet, "Oh, no. This means there are still undelivered pizzas in his car."
"The restaurant's gonna know ours was the last one he dropped off before he disappeared," Hornet said.
"Oh, no, that means we will be accused for sure!" Shark exclaimed fearfully.
"Which means we got to deliver the rest of his pizzas. And we'll leave him and his car at the last stop," Wolf said.
"Good idea, Wolf," Snake nodded as he told everyone, "Now let's get to it before the restaurant might get suspicious if we don't leave soon."
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On their way, the Bad guys decide to use the pizza guy's car instead to deliver the pizza so no one would suspect a thing.
Like their seating arrangement with their car, Wolf took the wheel, Snake was on the passenger seat, and Shark, Piranha, Tarantula, and Hornet were in the backseat with a dead pizza guy.
Wolf looked around the interior of the car as he commented disgustingly, "Wow, this car is depressing. He's got three ashtrays in use."
"Can you put on some music? I left my mp3 player at home," Tarantula requested.
Snake looked at the front, and said, "There's no CD player. Just a Discman with a cassette plug-in."
Shark then took a CD case, and read the label, "You ever heard of a band called Special Delivery? Oh, no. It's his band," he cooed sadly, "Oh, no. Oh, they're all in uniforms, God bless 'em. Aw, 'Dying On A Stranger's Toilet Seat' is bad, but this is real bad."
"Guys, let's get back to the pizzas," Hornet reminded about the mission.
Wolf shook his head to snap out of his thought, "Right. We deliver the pizzas and nobody calls the police. Now, where's our first stop?"
Tarantula looked at the pizza guy's phone, and said, "The police station."
Wolf exclaimed in panic.
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When the Bad Guys arrived in front of the police station, they stayed in the car for a moment, trying to think of a plan to deliver the pizza without being noticed.
"There are cameras everywhere," Hornet looked through the window, and could see the entrance of the police station with his helmet, "We can't be seen leaving those pizzas."
"But he can," Piranha turned his head to the dead pizza guy.
"But how we can send the pizzas with this guy?" Snake asked.
"Hmm, I got an idea," Tarantula then dropped herself into a bag. Then, she came out dragging out a device that looked like a stick-figure person with blue thick ropes, and white suction cups.
"What is that, Webs?" Shark asked.
"This is a new invention of mine. It's a skeleton controller. It can use to puppet any person, like this dead guy," Tarantula explained. Then, she crawled to the dead guy's back, and stick the suction cups at the back of his hands, feet, head, and whole body, "All I have to do is stick this skeleton at his back, and I'll be hiding under his shirt so I can control him with this," she took out a remote that could control her invention.
"Smart plan, Webs," Wolf smiled, but turned to a panic frown, "I hope this plan works."
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Entering the police station, Tarantula controlled the dead pizza guy with her new invention while she was inside the back of his clothes. She tried to concentrate using the controller by controlling the guy who walked through the station holding the box of pizza. There were other cops inside minding their own business, and Webs, still controlling the pizza guy, dropped the pizza on the desk.
Behind the desk was Chief Luggins herself, happy to see the pizza guy in front of her, "Well, if it isn't Francis, my fourth-best friend, in the weirdly gray flesh. Haven't seen you since I ordered that calzone," Then Luggins noticed the pizza guy's shoes, "Hey, I hate to be the bearer of bad shoes, but your sneaker's untied."
Tarantula sighed silently at the back of the guy as she tried to make him tie his shoe. She lifted the leg with an untied shoe, and could only wave his hands which made him look like he was tying his shoes since she couldn't control her fingers.
Tarantula used the pizza guy to leave the station, but Chief Luggins moved in front of him with a guitar, "Hey, I heard your guitar got stolen, so I swiped you a new one from the evidence locker. It used to belong to Martin Shkreli. Surprisingly soulful balladeer," then she put the strap of the guitar around the pizza guy, "Okay, fine, you can play me a song to thank me," Without expecting of puppeteering a guy playing guitar, Tarantula just made the guy hold the guitar, and strum it with the spare hand, "Hmm, I'm hearing a little Clapton mixed with hearing loss from going to the gun range too much," Luggins smirked.
Just then, another cop approached the chief, and said, "We're one short on the suspect lineup. Know anyone who could fill in?"
Chief Luggins then turned around to the pizza guy, knowing who else would fill in for the suspect lineup.
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At the lineup, the pizza guy was in the middle with the other four suspects, and Chief Luggins spoke through the P.A..
"Well, the perpetrator was doing a highly-choreographed routine during the assault, so number three, please step forward and perform the zombie dance from 'Thriller.'"
"Oh, come on," Tarantula groaned silently at the back, but she had no choice but to do the dance with the controller.
"Five, six, seven, eight," Chief Luggins called as the pizza guy walked forward, and danced the steps from the music video of "Thriller".
It was a tough challenge for Tarantula, especially with a lot of arrows in the remote, but she tried his best to go with it.
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After the interrogation, Tarantula made it out of the police station while still controlling the dead guy. She stepped back into the back seat, and sighed in relief, "Whew. That was close. I'm glad to be done delivering to places that are too risky to walk a dead body into. What's next?"
Pirnaha looked at the phone, and replied, "The cadaver dog training facility."
Tarantula exclaimed frighteningly.
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Later, when they made it to the right address, Tarantula controlled the pizza guy to throw the pizza box over the fence of the facility, and made a run for it.
The dogs managed to jump over the fence, and chased after Tarantula and the dead guy. When she was getting closer to the car, Tarantula made the dead guy jump through the backseat window, but only half of his body got through.
It didn't matter anymore. As long as Tarantula and the dead guy made it to the car, Wolf stepped on the accelerator, and drove away before the dogs reach for them. The dogs behind them just barked wildly and loudly.
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Then, to the third address.
When Tarantula made the dead pizza guy walk towards the house with the pizza box, she rang the doorbell, and the woman opened the door with a seductive expression.
"I've been waiting for you, Francis. I haven't eaten all day."
Tarantula knew what this meant as she turned to the guys with a panic expression, but Wolf waved his hand, gesturing to go with it.
The woman took the pizza guy's dead body with Tarantula inside and shut the door.
Wolf, Snake, Shark, Piranha, and Hornet look up at the silhouettes of the woman and the pizza guy behind the curtain of the bedroom window. She pushed the guy onto the bed, and dove into him. The guys just had their jaws dropped while watching in shock.
"The pizza guy's having a secret affair," Shark said.
"Oh, to be single and dead again, huh, Shark?" Wolf smiled.
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Later, after Tarantula tried to forget the whole thing earlier, especially how she controlled the dead guy at a session with the woman, the Bad Guys managed to deliver the last pizza.
"Last stop," Wolf announced as he looked on the dead guy's phone to read the last address to deliver the pizza to, until he realized where the last stop would be, "Oh."
As he parked on the sidewalk, the last place to be delivered the pizza was the building of their hideout.
Wolf, Snake, Shark, Tarantula, and Hornet slowly turned their heads at Piranha, and gave him sharp glares.
Piranha shamingly admitted, "I ordered another pizza."
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At the tunnels of their hideout, the Bad Guys noticed that the dead pizza guy's body was already rotten, and they couldn't handle the stench and the looks anymore.
"Guys, we gotta fix this now. I couldn't stand this anymore," Wolf said.
"Why don't we just shove him in the sewer, let the clowns have at him?" Shark replied.
"I'm good with anything that keeps Pennywise off my jock," Tarantula agreed.
"Sounds like a plan then," Snake declared.
Wolf and Snake dragged the body out of the tunnel by the legs, and found a sewer hole for them to dump the dead guy's body.
Then Hornet flew out, and told them, "Hold on, guys. This feels wrong. We can't just dump him facedown into raw sewage without saying a few words."
"You're right, Hornet," Wolf dropped one leg down, "I'll do the honors," As Wolf started, the other Bad Guys looked down sadly at the dead pizza guy with Snake removed his hat while holding it down with his tail. Before starting his speech, Wolf put pepperoni on the dead guy's eyes, and finally spoke, "It feels like just yesterday when he came into our lives carrying a pizza we bought. I always loved how he looked around the house a little too much while I was digging the money out of my wallet. And who can forget his license plate number: 5-J-something-something-2. More sweat than you're used to seeing on a fella, but that's what moisture-wicking shirts are for. His nails were dirty, but his heart was pure. Okay, time to drop him in a river of dung."
Wolf then pushed the dead body into the sewer, but the body was too big for the hole, "He's stuck!"
Just then, a small yellow car came by with the headlights shined on them.
Shark gasped, "It's Diane!
Diane parked the car, switched it off, and stepped out of the driver's seat, "Guys, what is going on?" Diane looked down to see a dead guy being pushed into the sewer hole by Wolf. She made a deadpan stare at the Bad guys, waiting for them to say something about it.
"Diane, we can explain!" Wolf tried to talk about it.
But Diane just took a long deep breath, and exhaled for a moment. She didn't want to know what happened, but she understood the Bad Guys didn't kill the guy. Guess this was another thing she had to cover for them, "I'll go get the plunger and the cleaning tools."
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Credits:
Sam Rockwell - Mr. Wolf
Marc Maron - Mr. Snake
Craig Robinson - Mr. Shark
Anthony Ramos - Mr. Piranha
Awkwafina - Ms. Tarantula
Rhenzy Feliz - Mr. Hornet
Ralph Garman - Francis the pizza guy
Alex Borstein - Chief Misty Luggins
Zazie Beetz - Diane Foxington/The Crimson Paw
Tracie Thoms - Francis the pizza guy's lady
Kevin Michael Richardson - Police Officer
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Author
Rally9933
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This chapter was based on Family Guy, The Lois Quagmire where the Griffin Family ordered pizza while Lois attended a High School Reunion party.
Shark imagining a new food was a referenced from the Amazing World Of Gumball, The Pizza
I hope you like this new chapter! Please give some feedback!