Hyunjin was losing his mind. What was a night that he'd anticipated to be filled with warmth, laughter and a well-spent time with his mother and Felix, turned into horror. Once the ambulance came, the medics were left confused at the sight of a boy passed out on the ground, instead of the middle aged woman that they had been called to help.
Only after they confirmed that Felix seemed to have lost consciousness due to tiredness and there was nothing visibly worrying, did Hyunjin gather himself a bit so he could explain everything that had happened.
'I guessed that it might be something like that', one of the medics said, making Hyunjin frown in confusion. When the others nodded, he and his mother shared a look full of wonder and lingering fear.
'What do you mean? What exactly happened?', the brunette insisted, still kneeling next to Felix while his mother was now sitting down on the couch and getting her condition checked by the medics.
'You guys seem to be unaware but...fairies have, um, powers'
Hyunjin's eyes widened as he thought back on the golden light that was coming out of Felix's chest and surrounded the blonde and the elf's mother.
'They can heal others. Some of them can only help with small wounds and pain but other more gifted ones can even heal and erase serious illnesses', his mouth parted in shock and he whacked his brain for what to say before his mother spoke up before him.
'If fairies can do that then how come they aren't forced into hospitals to cure diseases? It would save lives.', the woman asked without any malice and simply out of curiosity. Hyunjin looked back at each of the medics' faces as he waited for their response. The two men and woman looked away and fiddled with their hands before the female was the one to sigh and speak up.
'This had been attempted, many years ago. However, the consequences for the fairies were not the best. Some lost all of their powers after having to deal with a deadly illness, others even lost their lives. So the fairies started refusing to help and since the elves were the species which demanded their presence in the hospitals the most, the whole situation caused a lot of tension which eventually...led to The War.', the silence in the room was cunning and the only thing Hyunjin could hear was the rapid beats of his heart and the soft breathing of the elves around him.
'I thought that the war started because the fairies refused to send advanced technology that they had gotten ahold of but I would've never thought it was the fairies themselves that they were protecting', Hyunjin's mum said quietly while the brunette rubbed his forehead, feeling a growing headache as he thought about all times he'd heard elves calling the fairy species 'selfish', 'heartless' and 'greedy'.
'The reality behind the situation was protected for many years but it still ended up being spread, I'm actually quite surprised that you two haven't heard of the real story.'
But that was the thing, wasn't it? The Hwangs have never cared about rumours, didn't even listen to them, they didn't turn on the news to grim their mood with what was being said and Hyunjin never listened to his classmates, too immersed in his own world and the desire to stay as far away from everyone as possible.
However, a scarier thought interrupted his previous ones and Hyunjin's body tensed as he looked at one of the medics.
'M-my mother has cancer...If Felix healed it completely then does it mean that he-', something tight was gripping Hyunjin's throat but no matter how much he tried to breathe it wouldn't loosen.
'We still need to bring your mother to the hospital for a full examination of her current condition. If he has erased her cancer than there are possibly consequences', a pathetic pained whimper escaped Hyunjin's lips as he looked down to Felix's sleeping form, 'but rest assured, if he was going to die, he would've been gone already', the medic said bluntly, making Hyunjin flinch back while his mother glared at the older man.
'There's nothing that can be done besides waiting for him to wake up. If he's lost his powers, we can't find this out unless he tells us, so it's just about waiting now.'
Hyunjin buried his face in his hands and his heart hurt so badly that he couldn't make sense of anything else, the worry for his mother and Felix's condition making him feel as if he's being hit by a truck over and over again while sitting motionless on the floor of his living room.
Soon after, the medics and his mother left. The woman had convinced Hyunjin that she's in good hands and doesn't need him there when she's getting examined. The results wouldn't be out for a couple of days anyway.
'Lix here needs you more. If he wakes up all alone, imagine how it would feel for him?'
She suggested for Hyunjin to call Claus and let him know as well but the brunette couldn't find it in him to do so just yet. He promised himself that he'd do so if Felix is still asleep after hours but at that moment, the elf was so overwhelmed that he couldn't imagine making that phone call, especially when he still had no idea what would happen to Felix.
So he carefully carried the fairy to his bed, taking off his jacket to tuck him under the blankets. He sat on the other side of the bed, his back to the headboard while his teeth chewed on his lower lip anxiously, the events from this evening insistently replaying in his head. He occasionally stole glances to Felix's relaxed sleeping face, watching as his long eyelashes created a gentle shadow over the top of his freckles cheeks, as soft puffs of air escaped his pink lips and his chest was slowly raising up and down.
The hours passed by, his mother returned from the hospital and called Claus. The old man had come over immediately, sitting by Felix's sleeping form and pressing the back of his wrinkly hand against his cheeks as he let out a deep sigh.
'I'm not surprised that he's done this', Claus murmured while Hyunjin and his mother pointedly looked down to their feet.
'I'm so sorry Claus. It's all my fault...If I hadn't collapsed he wouldn't-', the woman started but the white-bearded man lifted a palm up to stop her from proceeding.
'Don't apologise, Mina. It wasn't in your control and beyond that, it was his decision to do what he did. He knew the possible consequences better than anyone', Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut, the flashing memory of widely smiling Felix passing in his mind and bringing a pang to his chest.
He felt so many contradicting emotions that he didn't know what to do with himself.
Relief that his mother was alive and possibly well-them and the doctors were guessing that her illness had indeed been healed but they're all just waiting for the last official results to confirm it.
Guilt that Felix had risked his life for the well-being of Hyunjin's mother.
Fear for the fairy's state and the low but still possible chances that his mum still carries the cancer.
After a few stretched moments of silence, Claus released a long exhale and slowly got up from the bed with a grunt.
'If you want me to, I'll bring Felix back to my house, even if I wouldn't want to jolt him awake from the cold when he still needs to rest and regain his energy', there was a deep frown on his face, one that Hyunjin had never thought he'd see on the usually always cheery and smiley Santa Claus.
'He can stay here, we'll look after him. It's the least we can do', Hyunjin's mother said while the brunette nodded his head in agreement.
'Alright then...I'll take off both Felix and Hyunjin from work tomorrow, even if he wakes up tonight you both need the day to rest after everything that happened', Hyunjin blinked in surprise.
'Are you...sure? There's only a few days left until Christmas and still a lot of work to do. I can cover Felix in the Workshop to wrap his presents if needed', the brunette insisted, his words making both his mum and Claus look at him in shock that lasted almost a minute until the old man chuckled and shook his head.
'No need, I told you that those three will eventually be punished for bullying my grandson. I'll give them the extra work and I'll replace you at the desk for tomorrow'.
Hyunjin sighed with relief before he and his mum bowed low in gratitude.
They both decided that it'd be best to call it a night after that, so after Hyunjin washed up and changed into his pyjamas, he laid on his bed, as far away from Felix as possible as to not disrupt the fairy. Expectedly, he could barely sleep. He would be turning to his back, on his side, then facing Felix while focusing on the blonde's breathing to calm himself down with the fact that he was indeed alive.
By the time he fell asleep, he could hear the first birds beginning to chirp outside.
By the time he woke up, Felix was crying.
'What...Fe-Felix? What's wrong?', Hyunjin spoke with a rough morning voice, raising himself upright on the bed fast enough to make his head spin from the suddenness of it. His hands hovered over Felix, afraid to touch him and somehow make it worse.
'Hyunjin, I'm suh-sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up', the blonde stuttered through his cries, making the elf's heart crack a little at the sound of it.
'No it's fine I- Felix why are you crying? Are you in pain? What can I do?', Hyunjin fussed, his heart already starting to beat louder all over again.
However, he didn't respond to any of those questions. Instead he furiously wiped his tears while more kept coming out of his eyes and gracefully trailed down the sides of his face.
'How is your mum? Is she okay?', Felix questioned back and Hyunjin's eyebrows scrunched up as the inside of his chest squeezed painfully.
'Yeah, she is. Thanks to you.'
At the answer, there was a small and shaky but still very much genuine smile on Felix's face. Hyunjin had to practise all of his self-control to not wrap his hands around his small trembling form in an attempt to protect him from the entire world.
'I'm glad. I'm so glad', Felix repeated again, 'It was worth it', several more tears escaped him and this time, Hyunjin couldn't stop himself from reaching out and gently wiping the corners of his blue eyes.
'Why are you crying Lix?', he asked quietly, his careful voice coming out just above a whisper while he watched Felix tighten his lips and bite down on the bottom one harshly.
'It's gone', the blonde responded just as quietly, his words thick with loud tears. Hyunjin patiently waited for Felix to continue, allowing him to take his time as he kept looking at him and caressing his temple.
Then, a small hand moved to Felix's chest and fisted it.
'My core...it's gone', the blonde's mouth turned down and his eyes glimmered like diamonds with the shedding tears, 'It feels so empty, I- I feel so empty', an uncontrolled loud sob broke out of Felix's throat, making Hyunjin's heart break a little more.
'I'm sorry, I'm sorry', Felix continued while shaking his head to both sides, 'I didn't want to be emotional, I wanted to help your mum and don't regret it but I just- I didn't expect it to hurt so much'.
Hyunjin didn't try to stop himself this time around and pulled Felix close to his chest as he wrapped his arms tightly around his small back and pressed their bodies together as much as possible. He raised one of his hands to bury it in Felix's blonde strands and gently patted and massaged his scalp while the blonde trembled with his cries.
'I'm really no fairy at all anymore', Felix whimpered, the words Hyunjin's feel pressure in his eyes as he hugged the blonde even tighter.
'You are, you will always be a fairy and nothing will change it, regardless of if you have powers or-', wings, Hyunjin thought to himself but didn't allow the word to come out.
Another small whimper escaped Felix and the brunette wished that he could crawl into the other's chest and take all the pain and emptiness away.
'Why Lix? Why did you do this? You- it wasn't your responsibility to erase her illness, you have never even met my mum and, and you've only known me for a few weeks, why risk your life?', Hyunjin spoke in murmurs, not necessarily expecting an answer at that moment, more so just letting his thoughts seep out into existence.
'You could've died', he whispered at the end and felt more than heard Felix's long and unsteady intake of breath.
'It felt right', Felix said after a long pause.
'My life...', the blonde added before taking in another heavy breath.
'I owe it to you, after all', Hyunjin's breath was cut short at the words.
'So if it was taken for your sake, it would've been right'
The elf's chest heaved rapidly and he pulled away enough to look at Felix's red puffy face that still remained just as beautiful as it always has been.
'Felix...what are you talking about? What do you mean by all of this?', he tried to find the blonde's teary eyes that refused to meet Hyunjin's brown ones.
'Hyune...', Felix gulped and after a while he mustered the strength to finally lock their eyes, 'When did we meet for the first time?'
The question drew an immediate confused frown on Hyunjin's face.
'Um, around two-three weeks ago? December the 1st?'
Felix chuckled softly and blinked away the last few tears that had built up in his pearly eyes.
'Well, it was December', the blonde smiled, almost nostalgically, 'But it wasn't this year, nor was it the 1st'.
Hyunjin's mouth parted and he could only stare at the other in shock and utter confusion.
'What?'
-15 years ago, Christmas Night-
Pain.
Pain.
Pain.
The only thing Felix could feel was the agonising, deadly pain.
The only thing he wanted was for it to stop.
The snow under his small body was painted red as he laid on his side and the blood oozed out from his back, easily drenching his thin shirt. He couldn't stop trembling and he wasn't sure whether it was more so because of the ridiculously low degrees, the snow he'd been laying in for god knows how long or the blood he was losing at a rapid speed that made everything feel even colder.
He felt himself becoming weaker and weaker and the memories from this evening kept flashing like a broken record behind his closed eyes.
'It's your fucking fault', a pull, the scream of a child and gold feathers, painted red, splattered on the ground.
'It's your fault she died, if you stupid fucking brat was never born, she'd still be here', another pull, another scream, more feathers.
'You don't deserve to have the wings she gave you, you don't deserve the life she gave you'', pull, scream, feathers, blood, blood, blood.
'Dad, puh-please stop, it hurts', Felix cried helplessly as he laid on the ground.
'You know nothing about pain, you stupid brat'
In retrospect, it was supposed to be a good night. Or as good as Felix's nights could get. After his father has been nearly drinking himself to death for years and years, he'd decided that he's had enough of Felix and no amount of hitting and yelling at him could get him rid of the agony that followed the loss of his wife.
Saeyon.
Long below her hips blonde hair.
Dazzling smile and blue eyes.
Kindness beyond any other.
She'd been Namgil's life, his light, his Sun.
Until she was taken away from him, by a mere child that took her wings, her powers, her life and made it all his.
He'd promised her that they'd raise their child together and they'd be the happiest family, regardless of how looked down upon they were for having married, as an elf and a fairy. But with her gone, so were the promises, so was the love, so was Namgil's light.
He and Felix had spent days travelling from the land of the fairies to Santa's Village. Namgil told his son that he'd take him to his own father-Claus because he'd had enough of looking at his face that resembled Saeyon's too much.
But just when they'd hidden from a blizzard in a small desolate place that Felix couldn't remember much of, barely a few yards away from Claus' house, did everything turn for the worst.
Maybe it was the alcohol that Namgil had brought and decided to drink all at once.
Maybe it was the reminder of the Christmas Nights he had spent with his wife years ago, before Felix was born.
But it all turned for the worst.
'Dad, sto-p, hurts, hurts, hurts', Felix cried, screamed, bled, but Namgil didn't stop. He didn't stop until the very last feather was ripped out of his son's back. Then, once he did so, the man carried Felix outside, throwing him in the snow and closing the door behind himself.
That night, Namgil used the broken glass from the bottles to take his own life.
While Felix was left in the snow to bleed to death in hope to at least finally meet his mother that he'd been dreaming about all of his short life.
Just as he felt his breath slowing down more and more though, he vaguely heard someone's boots thumping down the snow, almost as if they were running. For a mere second, he thought that it was Death coming to take him away.
It had been, in fact, quite the opposite.
Someone kneeled by his side and the high-pitched voice of a child, just like him, reached his ears. Felix couldn't make out much of what the boy was yelling about, everything too muffled, too distant. Suddenly, Felix felt his body being lifted up and he felt as if he was flying.
'You can't die'
'So much blood–'
'Open your eyes, please'
That's all Felix could hear from the one carrying him and as he put all of his strength into opening his eyes as per the stranger's request, he was first met with long ears that resembled his and brown hair hidden by a thick red hat.
'I've got you, I'll bring you to Santa, it's Christmas, Santa will save you, he can do everything on Christmas', the boy spoke quickly, the tension and fear clear in his voice and regardless of the cold Felix could feel in his bones, there was a flicker of warmth that appeared in his chest at the worry coming out of this boy.
The last thing he saw before closing his eyes, was the singular brown spot under one of the stranger's eyes. The last thing he did before closing his eyes was smile.
***********************************
The next time he woke up, Felix was still laying on his side but this time around, instead of snow and cold, cold, cold he felt the softness of a bed and the warmth surrounding him. He could faintly hear the soft cracks coming from what he assumed was a fireplace and let out a soft sigh.
It was quickly after that, when he felt the still present pain in his back. It was less strong and deadly compared to the last time he'd been awake but still very much there. A weak grunt escaped his lips and just a few seconds later he felt the rough wrinkled hands of someone against his cheek and forehead.
'Felix? Felix, are you with me?', there was so much worry behind that deep voice. He didn't remember being close to any old man but he still allowed himself to feel happy over the fact that someone might care.
'W-who?', his voice, even if still child-like, sounded so rough that Felix could barely recognise himself.
'Oh, Felix', the unknown old man spoke with relief before his warm, oh, so warm hands cupped his cheeks.
The fairy slowly opened his eyes and the first thing he was met with was a long, long white beard.
'I'm your grandpa, Felix, I'm your grandpa', the man nearly sounded on the verge of tears and the young boy wished to ask why he was so upset and how he could help him feel better.
'I'm your grandpa', he repeated once more and Felix felt drops of salty water falling on his face.
'Grandpa?'
******************************
It took many weeks for Felix's wounds to start healing. Even so, he was sure that the grotesque scars would remain for the rest of his life.
During that time, he got to know his grandpa and found out that his father's corpse had been found the day after Felix was brought to Santa's house. The fairy had allowed himself just one night to cry over the death of his father and decided to bury the memory of him under his bed the next morning.
After asking about the boy who had found him and technically saved his life, his grandpa led Felix to the window of the room that the boy could now call his, and showed him a family of three coming out of the house across the street. A woman, man and a little boy, looking close to Felix's age were leaving their home with wide smiles on their faces.
'That's the Hwang's family. The boy over there is the one who found you, his name is Hyunjin', Felix blinked in awe as he watched the way the small elf skipped down the snowy streets. He could hear muffled voices and lightly opened the window to hear better.
'We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year', the boy sang happily, followed closely by his two parents.
'Hyunjin', Felix mouthed his name and watched the family in daze until they turned the corner and disappeared. He felt a certain longing, wishing that he had also been lucky enough to live a life like that, to carry this kind of happiness within himself.
'Grandpa', the boy said after closing the window and looking up to Santa, 'What exactly is Christmas?'
******************************
Apparently the Hwangs had gone to Santa's house to ask about the wounded boy. However, Felix had been asleep at the time so Claus had only assured them that he's survived and will get better. Of course, only after thanking Hyunjin for having brought the boy to him. He didn't mention that he was Felix's grandpa.
In reality, Hyunjin had snuck out of his house on Christmas Night to go to Santa's house in hopes that he'd find more presents there. He'd only done so because he'd lost a bet against one of his classmates, Chan. However, before he could reach the destination, he'd seen the collapsed boy in the snow, completely covered with blood.
As more time would pass by, Felix found himself sitting by the window and waiting for Hyunjin to come out of his house. For some reason, he found comfort in the sight of the other boy and even more so, when he'd open his window and listen to Hyunjin singing the same Christmas song over and over again.
'I can bring you to the Hwangs or ask them to come over so you can meet Hyunjin properly and become friends', his grandpa had once suggested but Felix would think about his own unnatural features that were so different from the ones of real elves and the ugly scars he carried on his back that were a reminder that he was a failure as a fairy as well. He would think about the happiness in Hyunjin's eyes and the beautiful life he seemed to be leading. Felix didn't want to taint any of that.
'It's okay, grandpa. I don't want to.'
He did.
He wished he could be friends with Hyunjin so badly. He dreamt about playing around in the snow with him, about them throwing snowballs at each other the same way Hyunjin had done several times on the street with another boy. He wished Hyunjin could teach him how to sing those Christmas songs. He wished Hyunjin could tell him stories about what it was like to be the child of such a happy family.
But he didn't want to get in Hyunjin's way. The boy had already done more than enough for Felix by saving his life.
*********************************
In the following months, Felix started studying for the first time in his life. He was being homeschooled while still healing and regaining his energy and even if so much time had passed, his favourite part of the day was still to sit by the window and wait for Hyunjin to show up. His grandpa's plan was to send him to a real school in September and he even hinted (with a wink) that he'd try to put him in the same class as Hyunjin, at which Felix had blushed furiously and had ran to his room to hide under the covers.
However, these plans had turned to dust when one day, his grandpa came back to the house and said that bad news was spread about fairies in Santa's Village and it would be dangerous for Felix to go to school there, or live in that town altogether.
So with a heavy heart and no other possibilities, Claus had contacted the Lee family who had moved to another town years ago when they had their first and only child. They had been wishing for a second but had no success in it, so when Santa suggested that they take care of Felix, the Lees took him in with open arms and easily called him their son.
Even if at first, he had been extremely sad to leave his grandpa's house and mourned the fact that he wouldn't be able to see Hyunjin anymore, once he moved into the Lee's house and met his new parents and brother, Felix thought that maybe he could finally have the family he'd always dreamt of.
And so he did. His mum and dad were loving and caring, there were always warm home-cooked meals on the table and his brother Minho, even if a bit distant at first, turned out to have a soft spot for Felix and they became the best of friends (while still annoying each other more often than not).
The Lees had promised Claus that they'd go to Santa's Village every year on Christmas and spend the holidays in his house, so he could have time with Felix. The first time they'd done so, less than three months after Felix had been adopted by them, the fairy had been overly excited both to see his grandpa and Hyunjin.
He couldn't wait to see his smile.
He thought that maybe now that Felix was a bit happier of a child, maybe he could actually meet him properly and they could finally become friends.
It didn't go as planned, though.
Because on Christmas Night, while they were all having dinner, there were loud sirens cutting through the peaceful neighbourhood. Felix was the first to jump off his chair and run towards the window, quickly followed by his new parents, brother and his grandpa.
He saw a massive truck with flashing lights parked right outside of the Hwangs house. Saw several big men carrying a bed with wheelies, on top of which something or someone was covered with a blanket.
He saw a woman following right after them while hysterically crying.
He saw Hyunjin, kneeling under the doorframe of his home with tears streaming down his face, skin looking like the one of a ghost and unblinking eyes wide open and staring at the moving bed being carried away and put into that big truck.
'Grandpa? What's happening? Why is Hyune sad?', Felix pulled on Santa's sleeve but once he looked up at him and saw the grim expression of the man, the blonde remained quiet.
It wasn't the time to ask. That much he could tell.
*******************************
After that, each year when Felix would come back to Santa's Village for Christmas, he would see Hyunjin going in and out of his house like always. However, the smile that had once been on his face was no longer there, he would never sing songs or skip down the streets anymore, he wouldn't play in the snow with friends or even be around any of the boys he used to be in the past.
'Grandpa?'
'What is it, Lix?'
'I know what I want you to give me for my Christmas present'
'Oh? You finally decided to ask for one!', the old man said in excitement while the fairy looked at him with pleading eyes.
'Can you please bring back Hyune's smile?'
*******************************
Felix grew up and so did Hyunjin. After his grandpa told him that he can't bring back Hyunjin's smile, happiness nor Christmas spirit anymore, Felix decided that he would become it instead. Hyunjin had saved his life. So Felix would become the happiness, the smiles, the Christmas spirit and give them all to Hyunjin.
It hadn't been hard to become this type of person. It had actually been quite natural. Perhaps due to the fact that his grandpa was Santa Claus after all. He grew up happier than he'd ever thought he could be, immensely grateful for the life and warmth he had been gifted with.
Every year, when he'd come back for Christmas, he'd keep looking out the window. He watched as Hyunjin became taller and more beautiful. He found himself blushing the first time he'd noticed the sudden change, especially when unfamiliar butterflies exploded in his stomach at the gorgeous sight of his saviour.
He asked his grandpa to work in Santa's Workshop every year, hoping that Hyunjin would be there as well, just like almost all young elves were. To his disappointment, he wasn't. Not the first, nor second and third year. It was still enjoyable, though. Felix truly adored working in the Workshop. It was his favourite time of the year. Just the thought of helping kids all over the world receive their presents and imagining their smiles made it all worth it.
He couldn't hide his disappointment every time when he wouldn't see Hyunjin there, though.
Until one day, on the 1st of December, he saw the familiar handsome profile of an elf he'd been looking at his entire life, sitting behind the front desk in the Workshop.
'NEXT', Hyunjin had yelled in annoyance.
Felix's smile at that moment, was his widest one yet.
-Present-
'If it's for you Hyune, I'd risk my life a thousand times'
Hyunjin's heart threatened to jump out of his chest.