We played video games for an hour and talked about Einar. Of all my friends, Charlie always asks how Einar is doing. I thought he was just being nice, but maybe it's more.
Unsure how I would dress to sleep, I waited to follow his lead. While it made me nervous, I was happy to see he sleeps in just his underwear too. I hate wearing shirts to bed. With the lights off and under the covers, I turned away from him to face the door.
I woke several hours later, needing to use the bathroom. I took my chance and took Einar's notebook with me to read it. After I went, I sat on the toilet and flipped through.
Finding the correct page, the first thing I noticed was his handwriting. I've seen him throw out full pages if one word crosses the line. But this was all over the place.
It took me several passes to read it clearly, and what dad did horrified me. He deserves to be in prison for this. What the hell was he thinking? He could have killed him.
I sat there mumbling and crying softly. There was a light knock at the door, bringing me back to the present. Opening the door, Charlie pulled me into a hug.
"Everything will be alright," he said.
I clung to him, feeling grateful. "I've been a terrible brother."
Charlie shook his head. "I'm sure you're a fine brother." Desperate to hold on to the moment, I hugged him tighter. "In success, we learn little. In failure, we learn much and become better people."
"Are you a poet?" I asked, still hugging him.
"No, it's something my mom says," he replied. "Do you want to go to bed, or keep hugging?"
Embarrassed, I pulled away. "Sorry."
"It's okay. You're not my type, anyway," he chuckled.
Climbing back into bed, I turned to face him. I found his eyes staring into mine. Although I knew his eyes were brown, in the dark, they looked like black holes. It reminded me of soul gazing from fantasy novels.
Could he see into my soul now? Would he see what a terrible human I am? It seemed weird to keep staring into his eyes, but neither of us looked away.
What is he thinking? What does he see when he looks at me? Is he reading my mind right now? Should I look away? Well, he could just as easily look away, too.
Charlie's alarm shocked me awake. The unfamiliar sound made me jump. Charlie chuckled and moved to reach over me. His skin of his bare chest rested on mine and it was thrilling. Too soon, he was pulling his phone back with him and shutting it off.
"Ok, out of bed," he said. "No skipping school."
He tossed the blankets off us, and I realized I was excited like I always am in mornings. As fast as ever, I jumped out of bed and crouched over my grocery bag of clothes for the day.
"Do you want to shower?" He asked.
"I'll do it later when I get home," I said.
He did shower and came out fifteen minutes later smelling of lavender. I can't remember ever smelling it on him before, but it was nice. Downstairs, we had wheaties for breakfast. I honestly can't remember ever having wheaties.
On the way to school, I texted mom asking for news. Charlie's mom drove us on her way to work. I don't know why I never knew, but she and my mom work at the same place. Mom is the senior database administrator and his mom is a data engineer.
Upon arriving at school, Charlie and I joined Joey and Simon at our table in the cafeteria before classes began. I noticed the table behind us was unoccupied, so I climbed onto the bench and walked over the seatbacks to take the back seat beside Joey.
"You know, I would have moved over too," Joey said to me.
"Yes, but I prefer the wall."
"How is Einar doing?" Simon asked.
"The doctor says he needs rest and they will monitor his brain every day to ensure the bruises heal."
"All from falling off the bus?" Joey asked.
"Not exactly," I said. I debated how much I should say, but I knew I was going to report my father. "He may have already had the concussion, and that made him fall."
"If it wasn't the fall, what caused the concussion?" Simon asked.
"I'll tell you guys because I will not stay silent on this, but please don't tell anyone." I looked at them one at a time.
"Sure," Simon said.
The others nodded. "I found out my dad hit him with a golf club."
"Jesus!" Simon exclaimed.
"That's fucked up," Joey added.
"Your dad seems so nice at hockey," Simon said.
I shook my head, knowing others would feel this way too. "Yeah, everyone loves him. He is different at home with us. Or at least with Einar."
"Does he hit you?" Simon asked.
"No, only Einar. I mean, I'm afraid of him, but he hasn't attacked me," I said.
Joey moved his hand, signaling me. "You mean he attacks Einar often? And you let him?"
The accusation hurt, bad. But, I have to tell the truth for Einar. "I don't let him. You don't know how terrifying he is. But yes, he's attacked him several times. But even this was worse than normal."
"Why haven't you said anything before? Why haven't you or Einar reported it?" Simon asked.
I looked at the others. Charlie looked the most upset. For the first time, I thought I saw hate in his eyes. "I found Einar's journal, but only recently. He doesn't know I found it. My dad threatened him to stay silent." I stopped myself from saying with what because that would out Einar. "But like I said, I'm not staying silent anymore. I have the journal, and I'm going to turn it in and report my dad."
"Good," Joey said.
"Why does your dad beat him?" Simon asked.
"Um, he doesn't think he is manly enough. And he doesn't like that he quit hockey." That was accurate enough without saying it's because he's gay.
"You mean because he's gay?" Charlie spoke for the first time.
"What do you mean, he's gay?" I asked. I didn't want them bullying him for being gay.
"Come on, it's not like we haven't always known. We don't care." Simon said. "Sure, we mess around and call people names, but that's just what boys do. We don't care."
"We wouldn't care if you were," Joey said.
"Well, that's good to know if I ever decide to come out. But I'm straight," I said. I thought I believed them, but didn't trust it. What if it was all a trick?
"Let's get back to the topic. Your dad is physically abusing Einar for being gay. That's a hate crime, and it's unacceptable. You need to report him," Charlie said firmly. "Or you can be sure I will."
He stared into my eyes, leaving me with no doubt he would not be my friend anymore if I didn't. "I'm going to, and say nothing about the gay part to anyone. He'll come out when he's ready."
"We won't," Simon said.
"But it would be easier for him to find a boyfriend if he spoke up," Charlie said with a hint of a smile. "Sure, some people are assholes, but we'll be his friends. And who knows, maybe someone we know might even be interested in him."
"Like you," Simon asked, laughing.
"Hey, he is hot. But of all of us. I'm the one that's had a girlfriend," Charlie retorted.
"Yeah, well, we all know you like anything that moves," Joey joked. "Some standards you have there."
Charlie looked semi-serious when he said, "anyone can be hot, but only one gets to have me."
I wasn't sure if he was saying he finds anyone good-looking but he only wants to be with girls, or he is open to anyone but he's loyal. Guess it doesn't matter. I like someone else that I doubt I'll ever be with.
"Wait, if Einar's hot, does that mean you think I'm hot?" I asked, smiling at him.
Charlie shrugged. "You're good looking, but you're not hot. Remember, you're not my type."
That confused me. "Wait, my identical twin is hot, but I'm just handsome?" Maybe he is into Einar. I don't know how that makes me feel. But if he ends up with Einar, then I can have Noah.
"Hey," he began jokingly, "I said good-looking, not handsome."
I knew he was being humorous and just joking with me. "Whatever. You'd be lucky to have me."
"I don't mean to break this love fest up," Simon started. "What are we going to do about your father and the journal? Who will you tell?"
"Sebastian's dad? He's a cop," Joey said.
"That's a great idea." Yes, Sebastian is on my hockey team. His dad comes to games and practices sometimes. Then the bell rang, surprising us.