- Nathan -
I walk up to the main entrance door and knock twice; my heart is beating like crazy. I can feel my cold hands shaking as a catch a deep breath to control myself. I wait agitated for someone to answer the door. My nerves only spike more as I hear someone approaching. The door opens, revealing the face woman in her forties, with long caramel hair and brown eyes. She smiles back at me.
- Nathan, hi. I didn't know you were coming. Please, come on in. – she greets me, opening the door for me to enter.
- Thank you, Ms. Haynes, nice to see you. – I say nicely. I was doubtful but accepted her invitation.
- Nadia, sweety. Nathan came to see you. – she called louder; her voice echoed through the house.
I could hear Nadia standing up from her bed and readying herself with my wolf senses. I didn't tell her I was coming over, just showed up. I hope I'm not interrupting anything important.
- I haven't seen you in a while, how's everything going? – she asked politely, making small talk until Nadia arrived.
- All good. School's going fine and we just won the football game. – I respond politely. She's always been nice to me.
- That's nice to hear. Nadia's been stressing a little over school, but I guess that's just from extracurriculars. – she says.
- Yeah. – I chuckle a little. Nadia loves keeping herself busy, always joining clubs and events as if the school wasn't complicated enough.
It took Nadia almost no time to get downstairs. I thought she would take longer to get ready or finish her work, but I was wrong. She has her hair wrapped in a ponytail and is wearing jeans with a casual T-shirt. What's even best, she's has that beautiful smile that always makes her look pretty.
- Nate, I wasn't expecting you. – she greets, walking up to me and giving me a quick peck on the lips and a hug. Before I had time to respond, her mother's voice made itself present again.
- I'll leave you two alone. – Miss Haynes said, leaving the room and entering the kitchen.
- So, what brings you here? – she asked, a little flustered.
- Just wanted to see you. – I said casually, delaying the inevitable.
- Great. – she beamed a smile. – Let's to the living room to hang out. – she offered nicely.
- Actually, let's go outside. I've been feeling a little lightheaded and I think fresh air will do me good. - I lied, making up a pathetic excuse to go outside.
- Are you okay? You never get sick. – she said concerned.
- Yeah, don't worry. I just need fresh air. – I say once again, my hands cold from the nerves.
- Okay, I'll just go get my phone. –
So, as she went to grab her phone in her room, I made my way to the door. Guilt started to invade my body. I'm about to break up with her and I feel horrible about it. She's such a kind person, really sweet and nice to everyone. This isn't fair for her; she doesn't deserve this. But she also deserves someone that will love her completely and that can't be me. Not anymore. I see her rush down the stairs with a smile purse in her hand.
- Mom, I'm going out. I'll be back in a while. – she screamed so her mother would hear, and she agreed. – Let's go. – she says exiting the house.
- Okay. – I say and follow her, closing the door behind me.
- Where do you want to go? – she asks happily.
- Ummm, I don't know. Let's just walk for a while and then we'll see. – I say and she nods. – So, what were you doing? – I ask, trying to make small talk. We start walking on the sidewalk.
- I was just studying, nothing important. – she says and reaches for my hand.
I hesitate to grab her hand, but I do, nonetheless. I sigh in silence. I can feel her hand on mine. It's so small and it feels so smooth against my skin. I find myself staring at my hand. It doesn't feel right, not anymore. Before, I liked to hold hands with her, I would look down at her tiny hands and think they were so fragile. I felt like protecting them, like protecting her. But since Caleb and I developed the mate bond it doesn't feel the same. There's no electricity brushing against my skin when our hands touching. They just feel cold and foreign.
- On a Saturday? – I ask, conflicted by her words. No one studies on Saturdays.
- Well, yeah. There are a lot of things I need to supervise. So, I study on Saturdays to get ahead of things. – she responds with a small laugh. She's so responsible. – Not everyone can be the star quarterback and skip homework. – she jokes a little, making me smile.
- What were you studying? – I ask nervously. I don't know how to bring up the subject.
- I don't want to talk about school, Nate. I haven't seen you this week other than in classes. What's up? – she asks, trying to change the topic.
- You're right, sorry. – I say. – I wanted to talk with you. – I admit, I can feel my heart pounding.
- Okay, tell me. – she said with a smile, carefree, not suspecting anything.
- So, I've been thinking... and I feel like we've been... - I started saying but she interrupted me.
- Oh, my god. You're breaking up with me. – she says with a surprised tone.
How did she? I can see her face, filled with worry. She lets go of my hand and I can hear her heart beating faster. Her scent starts to change, smelling more like fear and worry. She's staring deep into my eyes with that same look, not believing what's happening. I start feeling terrible, my stomach feels heavy; filled with guilt and anguish, I wonder if this is how wolfsbane poisoning feels like. My head starts spinning, thinking of a million ways to answer, but I'm dumbfounded.
- Yeah. – I lamely respond. Her eyes break, but she's controlling herself from crying.
- Why? – her voice a little higher than her usual, almost breaking.
- I... - I stop and think of what to say. – It hasn't been the same, Nadia. With football practices, school, and all the events you organize, we haven't spent that much time together. – I begin saying.
- Oh, so it's my fault? – she says defensively.
- What? No, of course not. That's not what I meant. – I tell her firmly.
- Then what do you mean? – she demands more desperate.
- We're not good together, not anymore. – I say.
- What are you saying? I've always helped you and supported you in every decision, I go to your football games even though I don't know anyone, we don't fight, and I respect your privacy. What doesn't work Nathan? Tell me. – she says more upset. I can hear her heart beating faster.
- It's not that. I've been so busy with everything lately, I... I don't think I can give you the time you need. – I tell her softly, keeping my temper.
- And you just want to break things up like that? You could've come to me, and we could've figured something out. I could organize myself better, not enter all school activities... - she suggests.
- You love all that, it wouldn't be fair to you. – I say.
- No, you breaking up with me with no reason whatsoever, that's not fair. – she disagrees. – Tell me the truth, Nathan. What's going on? –
- It's not so easy to explain. – I say.
- Well, try it. – she demands more fiercely. Her eyes were red filled with anger.
- I... - my eyes turn to the ground.
- The truth. – she says firmly, looking at me expectantly.
I debate whether to tell her or not. Caleb and I are going to be living here at River Valley, there's no point in lying about it. She's going to find out either way. Better by me than someone else. This won't be easy, but she deserves this much.
- I'm a werewolf. – I admit and face her. She sighs deeply, shakes her head disapprovingly, and starts walking away. – Nadia, wait. – I say and she turns around furious.
- I don't have time for this, Nathan. – she says, walking away. I run up to her and put myself in front. She sighs frustrated.
- Please, listen to me. I'm telling you the truth. – I say calmly, despite her tone.
- Yeah, right. I'm an idiot for being with you. – she spats.
- I'm serious. – I say.
- Werewolves aren't real Nathan, stop making excuses. – she says and tries pushing me aside, but I don't move.
- Let me show you. – I say calmly. She looks at me for some seconds before rolling her eyes and nodding. – Just don't freak out. – I say. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and open them, shining them gold.
- What the... - she takes a step back.
- Don't worry, I won't hurt you. I can control it. – I assure her.
- How? –
- Let's go somewhere more private. – I say looking at the street.
We walked to a small cafe a few blocks away. It's small and private, not many people go. And so, I told her, I told her everything. How my parents are werewolves, how many of the guys and girls at school are as well, how I'm the next alpha in line, and most importantly, that she can't tell anyone about this. She understood everything and accepted to keep our secret. It felt weird admitting this to her. I always imagined that if I told her, it would be because I'd marry her, and yet here I am, breaking up with her. She's surprisingly calm and open-minded about it.
- I have so many questions. – she says rubbing her forehead.
- Go ahead. – I say. It's the least I can do, tell her the truth.
- Do you shift every full moon? – she asks. I chuckle at the generic wolf question. – What? – she says confused.
- Nothing, it's just a typical wolf question. – I say and she smiles. – To answer, no. We don't have to shift during a full moon. We can shift whenever we want and have complete control over it. – I respond.
- Sorry, I didn't know. – she says a little ashamed.
- It's okay.
- Well how is it? Do you turn into a wolf or is it a half-human half-wolf like Van Helsing? – she asks. I laugh lightly.
- Just a wolf, like a really big one. –
- Oh...- she says a bit disappointed. – With a tail and all? – she asks
- Yes, with a tail and all. – I repeat her words and she laughs a little. – Can I ask you something? How are you so calm about this? – I ask. I knew she would be okay, but not this comfortable. Frankly, it freaks me out a little.
- Well... I guess I always suspected you were hiding something. I was waiting for you to trust me enough to tell me, but I never thought this was it. – she says truthfully.
- I'm sorry. – I apologize.
- It's okay, it's a pretty big thing. – she jokes a little, easing the situation. I relax a little knowing she's okay with it. – But I don't understand what this has to do with us. – she says subtly.
- It's complicated to explain. – I say.
- Try me. – she says kindly.
- Well, there's this thing called mates and it's a big thing for us. – I start explaining.
- Like soulmates? – she inquires.
- Yeah, we develop a mate bond with someone. For me to become the next alpha I must find my mate and marry. The thing it's the bond doesn't form with everyone; human mates aren't common or well seeing for an alpha... - I continue explaining but she interrupts me.
- So, your parents don't approve of me. – she says.
- What? No, my parents like you. I mean, not at first but they certainly do now, either way, it's not about that. – I ramble.
- Okay, then what? – she asks calmly.
- I found my mate. – I state, a part of me still can't believe it.
- And it's not me. –
- No. – I say lowly, feeling bad for the situation, but relieved I found my mate.
- I understand. – she nods and offers me a kind smile. – So, who is it then? – she inquires.
- It doesn't matter, the... - I try changing the subject but she doesn't let me.
- You can't be with me because you found your soulmate, Nathan, I understand. – she interrupts. - I'm not angry. It hurts a little, yes, but I'm not upset with you. I just want to know who she is. – she says truthfully.
- Why does it matter who they are? – I say avoiding using a gender-specific pronoun.
- Nathan, I still care about you. I know you won't love me the same way, but it doesn't mean we can't keep talking. – she says.
- I... I can't believe how nice you are. – I tell her. – You're... amazing. –
- Thanks... - she blushes a little. – So, friends? – she suggests.
- Friends. – I nod. I can feel my heart lighter from all that pressure I was feeling earlier.
- Good. – she says. We smile at each other. - You know, a friend would share whom they have a crush on. – I laugh at that. – Come, on. I won't tell anyone. – she says with a smug on her face.
- I can't. No one knows about this. – I tell her, hoping she'd drop everything.
- Not even Mason? He's your best friend. Wait does he know about... - she points toward me.
- Yes, he's a werewolf too. He's going to be my second in command after I become the alpha. – I'm being as truthful as possible, no more lying.
- So why haven't you told him? –
- Well, partly because I just found out two weeks ago... and because I'm not sure how everyone will take it. Actually, I do know, and they won't like it. Especially my parents... – I admit.
- Why? – she lowers her voice, and she has a worried tone. I look into her eyes; they are staring at me with love and concern.
- They won't approve, it's complicated. –
- Nathan, you must tell someone. Keeping it inside will eat you up. You can't tell your pack because you're afraid of what they might think, then tell me. I won't judge, heck I doubt I'll even understand what the problem is. – she tried easing the situation. I consider telling her as I stare into her eyes. - Just tell me. – she puts her hand on top of mine reassuringly
- It's Caleb. – I reveal and sigh deeply.
Saying his name brings me so much joy and relief. My shoulders feels so much lighter, and my chest just relaxes. I've been holding this secret so much it was starting to affect me. Caleb and I agreed to keep it undercover until we figured things out. The truth is, I'm scared about what my parents will think. Nadia's looking at me with no expression whatsoever. Like she's putting together what I just told her and looking back.
- So, your gay? – she says confused.
- What? No, well... I don't know. I guess? – my voice comes off weird. - I like girls and I was really into you when we were dating. I have no control over it, the bond just...appeared. – I tell the truth, and she nods in understanding.
- Okay... so you don't know how to tell him. Shit, he's dating Maya. – she says, thinking they are humans.
- Trust me, he knows. – I tell her, and she looks at me confused. – He's a werewolf too. – I explain and her looks turn astonished.
- Wait, he's one too? - she says surprised, and I hum. – What about Maya and Luke? – she asks
- All three are werewolves. – I clarify.
- What? I didn't see that coming. – she says a bit dumbfounded. – Wait, so if they know then what is the problem? – she asks.
- They are from another pack and are not like my pack. We've lived here for a long time. They are what we call rogues. - I say.
- Rogues? – she asks, intrigued by the term.
- Yeah, rogues live on the run and mostly survive by raiding small villages and weak packs. – I explain further. – Caleb's pack settled next to ours a couple of months ago. Part of the peace treaty involved them coming to study at River High. –
- Okay? – she says not convincingly.
- The problem is that my pack hates rogues, so I doubt they'll approve of our relationship. – I say truthfully. That and that he's a fucking future Beta in Command, but, you know, one problem at a time.
- Shit. – she says so naturally, it makes me laugh.
- What? – she laughs as well.
- Nothing... I like your honesty. It's nice speaking like this with you... - I tell her meaningfully.
- Yeah, I like it too. – she says back. – Wait, so you're the alpha? –
- Future alpha. – I correct.
- Potato, potatoe. Why can't you just force your pack to accept it? – she asks.
- I mean I can, but that's not the point. An Alpha is supposed to encourage and strengthen the rest of the pack, not control them like dolls and force them to do things. I know that if they gave him a chance, he'd impress everyone. – I explain.
- I see... – she says understanding. – Damn, that's rough. What does Caleb think about it? – she inquires.
- He knows they don't like him, but he's "fine" with it for now. He's more worried about his pack. – I tell her.
- Why? Does his pack not approve? – she asks. By the Moon, doesn't she know another word? She needs to know everything.
- To be honest, I don't know much about rogues. What I know, comes from bedtime horror stories and what our parents tell us. A few months ago, I thought they were killers who didn't care for anyone or anything. Caleb and the twins changed my mind. They're actually pretty cool. – I admit to her.
- Why do you say it? – she asks.
- From what Caleb has told me, his pack is very close. Everyone knows each other and they get along just fine. – I say.
- Aren't you close to your pack? –
- Yes. – I say without a doubt. – It's not the same, his pack is 1/3 of mine. It's difficult to know everyone when they are over 130 members, you know? I know the wolves my age and those close to my father, but I don't know everyone. Caleb does, he gets to socialize with everyone regardless of their age. –
- I understand. It does sound nice. – she says.
- Yeah... - I say lovingly, picturing his face and voice when he talks about his pack. His face just brightens.
- You really care for him. – she states, but it sounds a little like a question.
I care for him. I don't just care for him, I love him; he's my mate, the one person I can fully trust and who gets me like no one. There are no words to describe what I feel for him. Just thinking about him makes my heart melt. He's perfect for me and I'm perfect for him. With him, I just feel... complete.
- Yeah... - I chuckle out.
- How do you feel? – she asks.
- Like I'm the luckiest guy alive. I always thought love was a feeling, you know? Like feeling butterflies in your stomach or nervousness every time you see them. But Caleb made me understand that love is so much more. I can't breathe until I'm with him, I don't feel okay unless he's there. I don't know... I just feel at home with him. – I speak my heart out.
- Wow, that's deep. – she says comically, making me laugh.
- Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to bombard you with these things. – I apologize.
- I'm glad you found someone to love so much. – she says kindly.
I listen to her heartbeat, they're steady. Her scent doesn't give off any weird feeling of anger or jealousy, just pure fresh happiness. She's too good for this world. I just broke up with her and we're talking like we've been friends all our lives. Perhaps that was what we were meant to be all along, friends. I'm glad I told Nadia about me, but I'm even happier I have Caleb in my life.
- So, what now? – she asks.
- What do you mean? – I ask confused.
- How are you going to tell everyone? – she says.
- I don't know... soon. – I tell her, weary of what's to come.
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Picture of Paul at the top (Jake's younger brother)