As we entered another new school year, Theo became more and more intent on his idea of building a career in something to do with space, something we were unsure if we would ever be able to give him, but we would try to do the best we could. I had changed career course slightly, now songwriting for other, more relevant artists that could go on tour without an entire family to leave behind in the process. Today was Leah's day to pick the kids up from school, Finn at 1pm, Theo at 2:30, and Aoife at 3:30. I had just returned to the studio after lunch when a series of text messages began to vibrate in my pocket.
Leah
Come home
Leah
Now please
Leah
Kids in car don't call me
Leah
Asap
Leah
No one's sick.
Without thinking twice, I excused myself from the studio and ran to my car, speeding off to get home as quickly as possible. Leah was rarely so stern with me about returning home, she had never before not told me to hurry but drive carefully, this time she wasn't telling me to be careful; worried about what may be the issue, I arrived home within 20 minutes to find Leah pacing up and down the hallway waiting for me. As I walked in through the front door, Leah gently nudged me back outside, placing her fingers over her lips to shush me before the kids discovered I was home.
"Car." She nodded.
"Kids?" I mouthed.
"Mum's here."
Okay, so Amanda was fine. What is going on?
We made it into the car, Leah making her way to the passenger side leaving me to drive. Her face looked like she was ready to kill dead things, her hands shaking as I pulled out of the drive and pulled up at the side of the road.
"What is going on, Le? What's all this about?"
"Read this."
Leah handed me a letter, now breathing heavily through her nose. It was addressed to the parents of Theo Williamson. Despite not knowing what the letter contained, Leah's reaction was enough to make my own blood boil at the thought of what it could be.
The parents of Theo Williamson,
It has been brought to our attention that Theo may require an assessment for suspected learning difficulties.
As his mentors, it is our responsibility to address these issues should they be overlooked by the parents.
We will write to you for consent in due course.
Kind Regards
Kelly Mason
Principal
My eyes scanned over the words, but only one sentence stood out more than any other.
"Should they be overlooked by parents? What the fuck are they on about? What kind of thing is that to say? Overlooked. I'll fucking overlook them." I ranted.
"He's not going back there. No way. How dare they say we don't know to look for any issues our son has."
"Why would they even write to us? Why not call us in?"
"Guessing they just thought we'd send back our consent." Leah hissed.
"Right, we'll phone and ask for a meeting with the principal tomorrow. He can stay off until this is sorted out. Are you okay?" I placed my hand on top of Leah's.
"I'm just so angry, Alex. He's just himself, he has no interest in the things the other kids are doing because he wants to do his own thing. Why in this day and age are kids still being told they're different for being themselves?"
"Let's go get a hot drink and cool off before we go home, the last thing he needs is us stomping around the house all night. Do you think they've said anything to him?"
"They better not have. How do we even ask him something like that?"
"We'll think of something, together. Like always." I kissed the back of her hand.
"How do you do that?"
"Do what, Le?"
"Calm me down when I think I'll never not be angry again." Leah chuckled.
"Years of discovery." I chuckled back.
Once we had calmed down, Leah and I headed back to the house, Leah wouldn't be calm for long. Amanda let us know that all the children were in bed, she looked disapprovingly at us for not being home earlier, not knowing what exactly had happened. Expecting her to be as angry as we were at the letter, Leah placed it down in front of her, gently rubbing her back as she read it, I couldn't see any anger boiling though.
"So, what's the problem?" Amanda said, confused at our reaction.
"Are you joking me?" Leah scoffed.
"No. If his school failed to notice things wrong with him, then I could understand. This is just duty of care." Fuck. Leah's going to lose it.
"Oh my God! So you think it's right? You think they can say that we overlooked something? You think it's fair to brand him with some kind of disorder just because he isn't mainstream?" Leah flapped her hands about as she spoke.
"I think you need to be a grown up." Noooo.
"That's a bit unfair, Amanda." I piped up.
"Stay out of this, Alex." Amanda snapped.
Wow. Amanda's comment took me aback, even though I knew she wasn't meaning that I wasn't relevant in this conversation, she just didn't want me getting involved in hers and Leah's arguments, I couldn't help but be brought back to the time Leah told me to leave the room over Leah being pregnant with Aoife. Leah knew that though, she knew that would be in my head the second the words left Amanda's mouth.
"No! You don't get to do that. You don't get to tell my wife, the mother of my kids, the only person that actually listens to my concerns, to stay out of an argument I'm having with you. Alex isn't just a puppet that does as we all say, she's a human with feelings, and if she wants to tell you that you're being unfair then I'll back her, always."
"I didn't mean that she couldn't. I just think the two of you should realise that maybe Theo isn't what they describe as normal. Maybe he does have what they think, maybe you need to prepare for that. It won't change anything, but it might just give him the identity that he has, so far, struggled to find."
Leah thought for a minute before she spoke, Amanda and I stood silently waiting for her reaction, knowing that there was every chance it wouldn't be pretty.
"Get out." She said quietly, but aggressively.
"Le-" Amanda attempted to reason.
"I said - Get. Out."
Amanda looked to me for some kind of defence, but I knew I had to respect Leah's decision; and I knew that this wasn't the time to sort out the issues that were going on. I walked Amanda to the door, bypassing the stairs and whispering to her on the step.
"She's just upset, she'll be on with you tomorrow." I smiled.
"I know. I didn't mean to - with you - earlier - I would never - never take your right to defend your family away." Amanda looked guilty.
"I know. Drive safely, I'll see you tomorrow."
I watched as Amanda made her way to the car before I closed the door and turned to walk back into the living room, my heart dropping as I saw Theo sitting on the stairs in his pyjamas.
"How can I be normal?"
Those words shattered my entire heart.
I held my hand out for him to take, his small little body looking like he was pondering every life decision he had ever made. How could we have been so stupid? Arguing when we knew they were just upstairs? I led him into the living room, finding Leah still stood by the sofa, her heart also dropping as she saw him.
"What're you doing awake, baby?" Leah whispered, dropping to her knees to hug him.
"Just came down to ask how I could be normal. I don't want you to fight with Grandma because I am not normal."
Leah picked him up and brought him to the sofa, both of us taking a place at either side of him, spending the first few minutes embraced in a cuddle. Leah's hand squeezed my shoulder, something she often did when she had no idea what to say.
"Do you have friends, Theo? In school and stuff? Who do you play with at break time?" I began.
"Just Peter."
"And who is Peter? What's he like?"
"He is my best friend. He likes space, and he wants to be an astronaut like me! We look into the telescope at break time and try to see how things we can see."
"What else does he like?" Leah added.
"He thinks you are both really cool. He loves Aoife and Finn too. He supports Arsenal, and his mummy is a singer like you." He looked at me.
"Okay, and do you just see him at school?" I probed.
"No he sometimes comes here after school too." He smiled.
"I don't think -" Leah began, not realising what was going on.
"I named him Peter, after Granda." Theo said proudly.
Leah took a large breath in, the realisation that our little boy was clearly the odd one out in his class hitting us for the first time. Peter was just someone he had made up, in an attempt to feel less lonely. I rubbed her back in way of reassurance before speaking to Theo again.
"Do your teachers like Peter?"
"Not really. They try to get me to play with the others, but I don't want to play football, or make fun of the girls."
"I wouldn't want to play football either, it's for losers."
"Excuse me!" Leah said playfully, making Theo chuckle for the first time this evening.
"You are a loser, Mummy." Theo grinned up at Leah.
"Lots of people said that about me when I was younger, you know. I didn't care though, because I was happy. I liked the things that I liked, the things that I wanted to do, and that's why I'm so happy now." Leah said proudly.
"Do you think I'm not normal?" Theo sighed.
"We think you're perfect, Theo. Absolutely perfect. Just the way you are." Leah added.
Leah and I made the excuse of getting Theo a hot chocolate so we could discuss what had just happened, leaving him covered in a blanket on the sofa watching TV. The second we got into the kitchen, Leah's arms wrapped tightly around me, a sign that she was overwhelmed by everything that had just been said, both by Theo and Amanda.
"What do we do now?" She whispered.
"We still go and talk to the principal, we find out why they're only catering for the interests that they think boys should have."
"I'm really not sure that school is best for him."
"Maybe it isn't, if that's true then we'll find him a more suitable one. I know one thing though."
"What's that?"
"Thank God they wrote us that letter." I sighed.
"And thank God for my Mum."
"Yes, speaking of her. Text her." I chuckled.
"I text her before her car even drove off." Leah giggled.
"I knew it."
By the time the meeting with the principal came around the following day, Leah and I were no longer blindsided by anger, and instead we were interested in how the school had observed Theo, and come to the decision that he required an assessment.
"Our aim was not to upset either of you, or make you feel that we were suggesting that you had not taken an interest in your child's behaviour. It is common that these types of difficulties are much more apparent to teachers than they are at home, because in the safety of the child's home, they don't feel overwhelmed by the atmosphere." The principal began.
"I understand. In terms of difficulties, what are we talking about here? I mean, his work is good, right?" Leah questioned.
"Absolutely. He's actually one of the most intelligent in the class. Often, parents think that when we refer to learning difficulties, a child has to be unintelligent, disruptive, things like that. That's not the case, it can just be that they are unable to make connections with other children, unable to have interest in things that aren't their passion."
"And, why does that have to mean he has these difficulties? Why doesn't that just mean he is just true to himself, so to speak?" I spoke softly, asking a genuine question.
"It doesn't. It could be that Theo is so passionate about space, that he simply finds it impossible to think of anything else. What's important to us is that he is assessed, so that if he is experiencing these difficulties, we can put a plan in place to help him, give him additional support. As I said, none of this has been about making Theo feel not normal, or any kind of negative self image. It is simply about being assured that we are looking after him."
"We appreciate that. Can I ask though, in terms of extracurricular activities here - you offer football, rugby, hockey, music lessons - the standard. What if children aren't into music, or sport, or religion, etc?"
Leah had a point.
"I completely agree. Unfortunately, for those individual needs to be catered for, private school is a more suitable option. We are publicly funded, and as much as we would love to cater for all children, we just cannot afford that. We have guidelines to follow on where we can spend our budget, it breaks our hearts but it's the - excuse my French - shit part of the job."
"Look, we have discussed the assessment, and we're happy for Theo to take part in it. He's happy for that too. I do think though that potentially, he has witnessed both Leah and I having main passions and not needing to have any branch off interests, and he has tried to mirror that with us."
"Yes, absolutely. We discussed that with his teacher too. As I said, we don't do the assessments ourselves, they are outsourced. We weren't trying to offend, or take your place as loving parents away - we care solely about Theo's wellbeing."
"We appreciate that, we really do. We won't take up anymore of your time, thank you for meeting with us. We'll be informed when the assessment is taking place, yes?"
"Yes. You are able to be there, with him. We usually advise that you wait outside, to let the assessor see him in his own space, but we would never tell you that has to be the case."
"Of course. Thanks again." I smiled.
Just two weeks later, Theo had his assessment. We received the report back a few days later, containing a summary of the findings.
I, therefore, do not believe that Theo shows signs of learning difficulties. It is my belief that Theo is passionate about his interest in space, and struggles to find reason for wasting mental energy on things he cannot enjoy. Perhaps, further extracurricular activities may help with this, or finding something else he can focus on to give him a distraction from space. In terms of the presence of an imaginary friend, Theo will eventually grow out of this, as he progresses through the next part of his life, and makes his own friends.
It is important to note, that should Theo continue to show signs of being removed from social groups, he should be reassessed after 18 months, once the necessary measures have been taken to naturally help his social skills.
"You know - now that this is here - I struggle to see why we were so upset at the idea that he might've had it in the first place." Leah questioned, ashamed that we thought a diagnosis would be the worst thing.
"We weren't upset at that, we were upset that someone else might've noticed it first." I chuckled.
"Yeah, you're right. I don't really want him going to a private school, but I don't want him to be restricted by finances either." Leah sighed.
"I know, I wonder how many other kids are feeling like he does. Like they don't belong just because their school can only afford footballs, hockey sticks, and piano lessons." I rolled my eyes.
Leah stayed silent, a look on her face that told me she wasn't done with this topic. I knew what was coming.
"Too many for us to do nothing about it."
"I knew you would say that, Le. What's our plan to change the world this time?" I chuckled.
"That's something we're spending tomorrow working out, tonight I want to spend eating takeaway and being in love with my wife and kids." She smiled.
"Tomorrow it is then."
"You really will back me in every crazy decision I make, won't you?"
"For the rest of my days, Le."