Y/n watched as Jennie picked up the last moving box, she didn’t have many things except clothes and a few ornaments so there was no need for a big moving van, most of her possessions were able to fit into the boot of a car- it was like this was never her home, that it was some kind of short stay hotel room that you knew you had to leave first thing in the morning so you couldn’t make it personal or comfortable, just live in the blank walls of someone else’s property.
Y/n's heart began to ache as she saw Jennie hold the box close to her chest, this was really it, the woman she loved was leaving her.
’Are you sure you’ve got everything?’ Y/n asked quietly, her heart beating with longing ‘I don’t want you to leave anything here’
‘I double checked, don’t worry I won’t bother you again’
They stood staring at each other awkwardly, unsure of what to say; they had gone through so much, with all their unresolved feelings and tensions it was a constant struggle but at least they didn’t have to struggle anymore; it was over.
Y/n still felt uncomfortable, how could Jennie leave like this? Like it was nothing, she still loved the girl in front of her more than anything, if romance movies had taught her anything it was that there was no harm in going after what you wanted.
‘I better leave now’ Jennie stated beginning to turn away, Y/n's heart begun to race with some form of new found strength, a found confidence that made her want to blurt out her feelings, it felt like she had some sort of drug in her veins ‘have a nice life Y/n’
‘Jennie wait!’ Y/n called out, not even thinking before she stopped her, it was like her heart was running faster than her brain
‘Hm?’
‘Do you really have to leave?’ Y/n breathed out.
‘Y/n…’
‘I love you Jennie,, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, this is really hard for me since I’m not good at expressing my emotions’ Y/n blushed as Jennie’s eyes widened, her dark pupils lighting up and dilating ‘but I don’t want you to leave, this arrangement is working so why change it?’
‘You know we don’t work well together at all, we’ve hurt each other too much for us to be redeemable’
‘I’m willing to work on that, I’ll listen to you when you tell me I’m doing something wrong’ Y/n stammered, this felt so awfully corny and cheesy, so unlike her that it almost didn’t feel real ‘I know you’ve given me more chances than I can count but if you just give me one more chance I believe that we can be happy’
‘I don’t know…’
‘Jennie, you’re the only girl I can see myself growing old with, you’re the only one I can picture myself happy with so please will you stay?’ She could see a small smile form on Jennie's face ‘is that a yes?’
Jennie dropped the box with a loud thud, not caring that the contents had spilled out over the floor and rushed over to her with light speed, like she’d been saving this energy all day and held her into a firm hug, so tight that you could smell the perfume on her neck.
Y/n smiled as she felt herself pressed up against her, it was the intimacy that she had been craving for a while, she could sense every single one of Jennie’s emotions from the way she held her, she could sense her skin telling her she loved her and that Y/n had just told her everything she wanted to hear.
‘I love you’ Jennie smiled pressing her lips against yours in desperation, Y/n smiled as Jennie grabbed the back of her neck pulling her in closer, their lips moved in a perfect rhythm like they could understand exactly what each other wanted, it all felt so romantic, like something out of a romcom.
She wanted to stay in this moment forever, she never wanted to leave the loving bliss of their lip against the others, uttering words of pure love better light peppered kisses.
Suddenly Y/n's head begun to hurt with a piercing pain, a loud buzzing sound filled her head, it was so loud she could no longer hear Jennie’s affirmations of love.
Her heart begun to race with panic and her body felt light, she looked up at Jennie, her vision was failing her, the image of Jennie was becoming fuzzy and discoloured.
‘Jennie?’ She asked anxiously lightly hitting Jennie's frozen face ‘Jennie?!’
‘Jennie!’ Y/n called out sitting up abruptly in her bed, the alarm screaming next to her on the bedside table. She sighed- it was just a dream, a dream that wouldn’t hurt her.
The bed was empty next to her, it had been a week since Jennie moved out- she’d found this nice townhouse on the opposite side of the city that she’d fell in love with, she took no time moving out and leaving Y/n in a cold empty bed.
But there was one thing that was still wrong- they were still married, Y/n hadn’t come clean; she’d rather die than admit it was over, she needed an opportunity to tell Jennie how she felt.
This was the fourth time that this dream had occurred this week, the fourth time she’d woken up even more heartbroken because that was not what actually happened.
Jennie's moving out was much more stiff than that, they stood awkwardly staring at each other for a while until Jennie decided to turn around and leave- it was like they both wanted to say something just they were both too shy to say it. The last thing Jennie said to her constantly rung in her ears and made her sick with guilt and lies.
’You know I haven’t heard anything about our divorce being finalised yet’
‘Strange’ Y/n chuckled ‘maybe it was so simple it didn’t need a last word’
Y/n hit her phone hard and turned her alarm off, the silence soothed the splitting headache she had.
The light from the phone lit up her face as she switched it on- no new messages, she hadn’t heard a word from Jennie since she left, yet every morning she checked her phone, hoping for something to indicate hope to the point where it seemed unhealthy.
The only notification she had was a reminder.
Appointment with Dr Im at 9:30am
She frowned at her phone, part of her regretted booking a therapy session but she wanted to become better for Jennie and if that meant working through her deep rooted issues that she didn’t want to address then she was willing to do it.
———
‘So you’ve been having this nightmare for a few days now’ the eccentric person said curiously as Y/n shifted uncomfortably on the couch, she’d been in this session for twenty minutes now and she wasn’t sure what to make of it- the therapist just seemed so forward and loud for her tastes.
‘Its not exactly a nightmare’ Y/n replied as the therapist scribbled loudly in her notepad ‘its just disturbing’
‘Well do you have any unresolved feelings with this girl or past trauma that could have caused this? Because thats usually the reason for reoccurring dreams’
‘I mean I do feel kind of guilty about something but I’m sure its nothing’
‘Tell me’
‘This is confidential right?’
‘You don’t pay me $150/hr for nothing’ she laughed loudly making Y/n wince in confusion ‘so how did you fuck up? I’m dying to know’
‘As you know she was my wife and she gave me the responsibility to send the divorce papers off but I burnt them’
‘Why?’
‘I don’t know if you’ve actually been listening to me for the past twenty minutes but I’m still in love with her, if you couldn’t tell’
‘Right right’ Nayeon trailed busily while she wrote more down in her notepad ‘thats bad, you’re keeping someone in a relationship without their consent’
‘You think I don’t fucking know that!’
‘Theres no need to lash out at me, we really need to address your underlying anger, I think it has something to do with your mother dying at a young age but we’ll circle back to that later’ Dr Nayeon murmured as if they were deep in thought ‘so what do you think you should do?’
‘I’m not paying you for me to try and figure things out myself’
‘Y/n my job isn’t to tell you the answer but to guide you’
‘Well whats your opinion then? What do you think I should do?’
‘Technically it’s against my code to say stuff like this butttt you’ve got to tell her, she could sue you over something like this’
‘I don’t care, I have more money than her, also my lawyers are better’
‘Y/n this isn’t about money, its about whether its morally right, clearly Jennie wants to leave and you need to let her, moving on from this toxic obsession would be healthy for you’
‘You’re making sense and I don’t like it’
‘Because deep down you know its whats right’
‘I can’t, I think if maybe I try to tell her how I feel maybe she would listen to me’
‘You can’t use your dreams as a basis of real life, thats what you want to happen not what she wants to happen’
‘I just don’t know if I can bring myself to do it’
‘Thats what I’m here for!’ She smiled widely ‘I’m here to help you deal with the difficult stuff’
‘Yet you’re encouraging things to be more difficult for me’
‘How else am I suppose to make money! Thats a joke by the way, although I suppose joking about how I overcharge isn’t as bad as you trapping someone in a relationship’
‘Should you even be saying stuff like that doctor? Are you even a proper therapist?’
‘Hm, I used to be a science teacher but that didn’t go too well but I promise you all my clients rate me highly’ she seemed to brush off the question ‘and I thought I told you to call me Nayeon'
Y/n sighed- this was going to be a long session, she wasn’t too sure therapy was her thing, it seemed to difficult and intense so far but she was being told what she desperately needed to hear, even if she didn’t want to hear it.
Later in the day she sat back in her office chair, her head was still hurting from the long therapy session, it seemed to drag on and on as she was pushed to talk about how she felt, she wasn’t sure how it would help her, in fact it just seemed to make her feel worse.
She tapped her pen loudly on her desk, she had so much work to do yet once again she couldn’t bring herself to do it, the procrastination had her far behind with everything, once again she felt like she was failing her father.
‘Mrs Jung' she heard her assistants voice as she looked up; being harshly broken out of her thoughts ‘I brought you the energy drink you asked for’
‘Thanks’ Y/n said still slightly distracted ‘I think I’m going to leave early today, can you make sure everything runs smoothly?’
‘Yeah but first I need you to sign off on that hotel project from a few months ago, I know most of it was handled by Kim J enterprises but I need to to just sign to signify completion on our end’
‘Mhm’ Y/n nodded- yet another chapter in hers and Jennie’s life closing, it was another sign pointing to their end.
‘Whats the urgency to leave so quick? If you don’t mind me asking’
‘I need to sort through my dad’s stuff and decide what to give away, sell, keep, etc etc’
‘Well good luck, it must be hard’
‘You can leave now’ Y/n stated in an ordering tone, she was sick of condolences at this point, she’d heard enough to last her a life time.
She hadn’t been back to her childhood home in a while, it felt odd entering those large doors without her dad there to greet her with open arms and an obnoxious smile, instead she was greeted to Jin who hung his head low as Y/n walked in, they had both conversed at the funeral but it was short and awkward, both of them were grieving in their own way.
‘Hey’ Jin slightly smiled as he pulled Y/n into an embrace ‘how are you kid?’
‘Could be better’ Y/n shrugged out of his arms ‘its weird being back here without him’
‘Its weird even being here without him, I have nothing to do’
‘So whats next for you? You’ve been working for him for ever since I can remember’
‘A friend of his approached me at the funeral, he’s just had triplets and is looking for a full time watcher so I finish here on Monday’ Jin sighed as your face twitched uncomfortably ‘don’t look at me like that, you’re not a child anymore, theres nothing for me to do, everyone has to move on at some point’
‘You know I’ve always seen you as an older brother, I cant help but be sad’ Y/n chuckled emotionally ‘you’ll still call me right?’
‘I mean who else is supposed to keep you in check?’
‘Right.’
‘So you’re here for his things, Ive sorted it all into boxes, you can go through them and pick things out, the rest will be donated or sold’
‘Thanks’
It didn’t take a long time for Y/n to sort through boxes, it was all meaningless possessions most of which held absolutely no value.
Despite having money she wasn’t materialistic, the value these items had didn’t matter to her, sure they were her fathers but she wasn’t going to hoard it- she didn’t need crappy antiques to remember her father, all she wanted was some old jewellery that had been passed down and a few photos.
The last box was small and light, with relief she opened it, wanting to sort through it quickly so she could leave and rest at home, just thinking about sitting on the couch with a glass of wine made her feel relaxed, although she still hadn’t got used to the feeling without Jennie there despite how she kept telling herself she would be back soon enough, she wasn’t sure how long she could keep lying to herself.
The box was filled with old jewellery and keepsakes, she recognised many old family pieces, including the selection of rings she got to pick her engagement ring out of, these were the things she was obligated to keep, she felt if she didn’t she’d be breaking a tradition.
Your mothers jewellery was the most important to you, from what you could make out from old photos she was a very glamorous woman, something which you seemed to lack, you threaded your mothers favourite pearls through your hand as sadness swept over you, this box had you feeling melancholic, unlike the rest it held emotional value, a longing for a woman you barely met.
At the bottom of the box was a photo album, Y/n's name printed in gold letters on the front, she’d seen this book a thousand times since she was a child, it was the album where he had kept photos of when she was a baby all the way up to the present.
She flipped through it delicately looking at all of the photos, there were memories that she remembered and memories she had completely forgotten along the way, the nostalgia hit her hard.
Of course the last photos in the album were her wedding ones, her first dance with her father, the professional photos they had taken and many of her and Jennie “looking happy”.
Y/n could feel tears in her eyes and her breathing start to falter, lately she had been feeling over emotional.
Usually she would push her feelings down, if she acted like she didn’t care then maybe one day she would believe it but Jennie had changed her, she had made her want to open up but now that Jennie was gone she had no idea how to deal with these emotions that she had been pushing up, now she was a complete mess.
She could see the sadness in both of their eyes in their wedding photos, it would always be one of the unhappiest days of their life. Jennie's eyes used to shine when they were close but they had now gone back to that same sad look that they had on their wedding day.
Your eyes still shone whenever you thought of her, it killed you to see that look in Jennie's eyes diminishing but you couldn’t keep her trapped, you couldn’t keep her unhappy.
You knew you had to let her go.
Y/n : Hey, can you meet me at the penthouse? We need to talk.
Jennie: I’d rather not, can we meet somewhere else?
Y/n : oh, a café then?
Jennie: k.
Y/n arrived to Jennie sitting beside the door, distracted by whatever she was doing on her phone, she took a deep breath in and sat down opposite her, her heart was racing fast; nothing could compare to how nervous this girl made her.
‘Hi’ Y/n greeted lowly as Jennie put her phone in her pocket ‘do you want me to order you something?’
‘No, I’m not staying for long’ Jennie answered bluntly.
‘Well your lip looks like its getting better’ Y/n tried to make small talk but it felt useless, part of her still felt like maybe this could work in her favour.
‘Why did you want me to come here? I’m busy today so I can’t be wasting time with you’
‘I guess I should get to the point then’ Y/n took another breath in, she felt dizzy with anxiety. ‘I have to be honest with you, I didn’t send the divorce papers in, its just I don’t know what I was thinking and that-‘
‘I know.’
‘Huh?’
‘I realised something was up when I hadn’t heard from my lawyers so I called them and they told me they got nothing’
‘So you just didn’t point out that I’d been lying to you?’
‘I wanted to prove a point.’ Jennie looked seriously into her eyes ‘we’re not good for each other Y/n , we’ve turned each other into terrible dishonest people, do you seriously think lying to me was going to make me want a relationship?’
‘I needed more time.’
‘Time for what? We’ve had time, so much of it, if we had anymore we would have killed each other’
‘How do you know? We just need one more chance’
‘We’ve had so many chances, there’s a reason it probably hasn’t worked out by now’ Jennie lectured, her voice strained with emotion ‘you’re going through a lot, your dad died and you’ve got so much pressure on you. We’re both not ready for a relationship this serious, we were barely adults when we got married’
‘But I’ve started going to therapy, we can-‘
‘I’m proud of you for that, I know how hard admitting you need help can be for you but you really think I’m going to make that process better?’
‘You’re right but-‘
‘No more buts, I love you a lot, I would kill to give us another chance but one of us needs to have common sense’ with tears in her eyes she produced papers out of her bag ‘you sign it and I’ll send them off, I’m sorry Y/n but later you’ll realise this is for the best’
‘I understand.’ Y/n sighed, she didn’t want this but this was the reality. They were young and stupid, she knew Jennie was right but it still didn’t mean that there was no desire for things to change.
She took out a pen and shakily signed her name, she didn’t want her to see how broken she felt.
‘Thank you’ Jennie smiled while Y/n put down the pen ‘I have to ask a favour, I want you and your lawyers to handle publicity, I don’t trust my dad with it- I just feel that will lead to bad things for both of us’
‘I will work on a statement tonight.’
‘Great, I better be leaving now.’
‘Yeah.’ Y/n nodded sadly ‘I wish you luck in everything, I can tell you’re going to go far’
‘Thanks, you too’ Jennie sadly smiled as they both stood up, Y/n was caught off guard as Jennie pulled her into a tight embrace ‘look after yourself’
Y/n could do nothing but stand there as Jennie walked out with the divorce papers, blinking out held back tears and not a single thought crossed her mind, she felt an empty hole form in her chest, one that she desperately wanted to fill. She no longer felt whole, the second the café door shut she felt like a huge part of her was missing, something that she may never be able to get back.
It was time for her to leave and go back to her lonely loveless life, the one where she only had herself.
As soon as she got home she took out her laptop and started typing. One thing she would never understand is why this was everyone else’s business but people would always be curious especially when you are in a spotlight position like she is.
I am sad to make the announcement that Kim Jennie and I have made the mutual decision to split up. This may come as a shock to many people since we both kept our relationship as private as we could but as you may know times have been tough for both of us. Sometimes you need to step back and realise that things aren’t working out no matter how much you want them to, I will always love Jennie but I love her too much to let our relationship continue when both of us are unhappy. I want to finish this by saying that there is no bad blood between us, as much as the media will try to spin rumours our divorce is one hundred percent amicable, there is no other reason for our split apart from compatibility issues and bad timing.