It should be over. I convinced myself that all I needed was to talk to her to feel better. It's okay. Everything will be okay. That's what I've been telling myself that for months since I have been getting better. It's a little scary to think I was even able to get through a date without thinking of her. Which makes a bit of a hypocrite for getting mad at I guess. Extra points on the douche factor since I had sex with her after. I shouldn't get mad at her for doing the same. I'm such an asshole.
Taking a deep breath, my progress is looking real pointless right about now. For example, this is pretty counterproductive. Sitting on a couch at a graduation party. Which is honestly just a regular fucking party that they stuck the word graduation in front off. The only difference is last year seniors where invited which is why I'm here. Usually I'd look forward to these. Parties I mean. I barely go anymore since Benji doesn't let me go too often or he'll drag me out. I'm not on a permanent ban. That would be fucking ridiculous, I go when he goes. If he has plans and he can't go then I better change mine since I'm not allowed to go either. It's frustrating but I get it. I wouldn't have changed if he didn't force it.
He's not here right now so I have absolutely no supervision. No limits, no nothing but instead of enjoying that freedom I chose to sit and watch her. What a waste. Staring at the back of her head this would be a lot easier, and I would go along my way, if she had picked up on the hint I dropped yesterday evening. I wanted her to chuck that ring. If I never saw her wear it would be a wake up call telling me to move the fuck on but no. She's wearing it on her ring finger. Not only that but she's elaborately paired it with a dress and necklace to match it too.
Bringing my cup to my lip I gently chew on the plastic in seek of cognitive relief. The relief doesn't come. Maybe it's delayed.
There's a chance she had already planned to wear that outfit and I'm giving myself too much credit. Me giving her the ring that matched might've been an odd connivence. With my luck I don't doubt that's what happened.
'Does that not effect you? You're drinking it like it's water.' Colton take the plastic cup I away from away from me. 'That's your fourth one in only thirty minutes and you seem completely unaffected. You're filling it up to the fucking brim Damon.'
'I guess my tolerance got better...No parents to think about really does one on you. Especially as a first year. Weird to say right? We're basically freshman.' I allow him to take it from me as long as he doesn't question it but I keep my eyes on Brylan.
She's still talking to Zayn. Except there's a change. I could tell from the get-go that their conversation wasn't pleasant. It's was actually what made me start watching in the first place. Them arguing was bringing me so much joy and I don't even care how that makes me look as a person.
'Stop staring at her.' He must've seen where I was looking. 'You don't want to rekindle any old feelings.'
Correction. 'You don't want to make your feelings worse.'
'Yeah you're right.' I smile at him before unintentionally lingering my eyes back to the two. Sitting up when it becomes clear that he's upset he grabs her before pulling her into a more secluded closet. The fuck?
'I'll be right back.' Alarmed, I excuse myself before moving towards the closet door without a care of who I shove or bump into. Pressing my ear against it I calm down when I hear both their muffled voices yelling at each other. They're arguing? Score. One point to me.
Going to turn and walk away I pause when I hear him yell something loud. My ear wasn't against the door this time so I don't quite catch what he said. It's silent now. Stepping back when I notice the door nob twisting. I don't erase myself from the area fast enough because the door flies open and Brylan immediately crashes into my chest.
Wincing when she looks up at me her eyes are red. Mortified, she pushes herself off me before shoving past. Feeling as if my heart stopped beating for a second I fight the urge to go after her. Ouch. That's a look that I'm never going to get used too.
Peering into the closet-room I make eye contact with a not so happy Zayn, he seems almost infuriated to see me. 'Fuck off man?! This isn't any of your business.' He also shoves past me. It takes every bone in my body to keep myself grounded and to not pull him back in here, because he's right. It's none of my business. I don't even care all that much. About him at least. Because again, this whole scenario brings a smile to my face. Letting him go I wonder where Brylan is. She's where my focus is at.
Swinging my head when I notice her rushing up the stairs they're so many people in this house so it takes me a bit to even reach the damn staircase. Taking two steps at a time I climb them in a matter of seconds. It's pretty damn silent up here. As silent as a party can get anyways. The only reason people come upstairs is to engage in other things. I know because some of these doors aren't closed all the way. Jesus.
Walking down the hallway I notice Brylan on the ground in front of one of the beds. She's facing the door which I think she assumes she had shut but there's a slight gap. Her eyes are glossy but she's not exactly crying. Watching as she fiddles with the ring on her finger, I unconsciously bite my lip. When she sees me she's quick to cover it with her other hand as if I hadn't seen it on her already. As if it's not why I've been staring at her all night.
Taking that as my cue to enter the room I slowly close the door behind me. Once it's shut neither of us say anything. She doesn't even ask me to leave either so I take it as a 'yes Damon you can stay with me.'
'You were right.' She's quiet. 'He sure does love his fuck buddies.'
'What happened?' My question comes out unsure because I don't know if I should be asking.
'Urm.' She suddenly seems uneasy. 'I opened my acceptance letters yesterday, after you left. We both got into one of the same schools...he wanted to go with me. I didn't. I didn't because I wanted to end whatever was going on between us. I felt more fucking emotion when you were giving me a ring you didn't want then when he kissed me. I don't even want him to touch me and we argued and—and he said he was just using me for my body in the first place.' She takes a breath in order to keep her voice in one piece. 'He was never going to actually go to the school with me anyways. The offer was only proposed in hopes I'd finally...finally let him fuck me.' She croaks. 'I thought he was just being rash so I waited for him to take it back or apologize but...'
Sighing I lock the door before sitting down next to her. As happy as I am that they're not on good terms it pisses me of that he did that. She's too fucking perfect to be disrespected in that way. Reaching my hand over her body I gently wrap my hand around the back of her inner thigh so I can pull her onto my lap. Allowing me to do so, she almost expects it and moves before I can lead her. Leaning into my shoulder for what I hope is comfort I place my hand on her upper back to avoid sexualizing her.
'I'm so sorry.' I apologize. I know I wasn't the one who said it to her but she still needs to hear an apology. One from me included.
'You get used to it. Being used.' Her words crush me. She shouldn't be used to something like that. Drawing shapes on her back, as I always do, it relaxes her. 'I'm not really upset. I'm just disappointed.'
Opening my mouth to speak she stops me with her words. 'I joined the school volleyball team.'
'What?' She made it clear how much she didn't want to be on a school team. Explaining how she was happy with the club I don't see why she'd join.
'Because you suggested it...coach said it would be hard to get into.' She whispers. 'It was so easy.'
Smiling, I shake her gently which forces a laugh out of her. 'They are designed to be hard. You're just good at what you do.' Going to kiss the top of her head I pause before pulling away. I can't do that anymore. 'Did you have to do the closing games? The ones you can get scouted on?' Now I regret suggesting her to join. I'll admit, I asked out of self intent. I wanted her to get into UCLA through sport but I'd rather take out an eye than have her go through the stress I had to endure. It was rough.
'Yeah. They were last week.' I feel her nod on my shoulder.
'How were they? The games I mean.' Now she's unresponsive. Shaking her again, she shudders. Letting me know she's still conscious, she's just choosing not answering my question.
'Who were you calling.' I don't understand where her question came from. I haven't been on my phone all day. 'When we were still dating, you'd always go off to talk someone on the phone. You were always so secretive about it, it made me feel a little insecure.'
'I was talking to Jordan's friends.'
Pulling off me she searches my eyes, hoping they'll snitch on me. 'Why. Are you friends with them?' Her hands grow heavy on my chest. When she notices it she raises them off me. Picking them up I move them back on me but it's not the same. I liked how comfortable she was with me just a second ago.
'I'm the reason he admitted.' I immediately tell her the truth. I don't want her to run away again. 'I found shit on him that would be way worse than an assault charge so I forced him to get Jordan in for what he did.' Affectionately, pressing down on her hands. I didn't feel comfortable knowing she'd be here with him after she went back home. She wouldn't be safe and I'd be delusional to think otherwise. 'I didn't want to involve you so I got him to talk about a girl who's been publicly trying to get to him. She stopped trying so when I called to find out why, it turns out he tried to assault her again so she moved out to LA. I met with her and she was okay with it, ecstatic even. She wanted to be the reason he was handcuffed.'
Waiting for her to say something. Anything. I begin to worry if I may have overstepped. 'You weren't mentioned. I didn't want to propose an idea like that to you since you don't like people knowing what...the only thing that ties it to you is me...well. I guess I don't either since we're not—'
Pressing her lips on mine it takes me a couple seconds to register what she's doing. Feeling my heart beat out of my chest I urgently lower her onto her back, I kiss her back. Barely moving away long enough for air she taps my neck to breath but I can't bring myself to let go. Jerking her head to the side I bite the inside of my cheek. I've never wanted someone so bad.
Glancing down to her fingers I brush my thumb across the ring. She looks down to my thumb. 'Zayn asked were I got it. I told him what it was because he deserved to know. It's what started the whole thing. He can't control what you give me but was annoyed that I chose to wear it.'
'Why did you wear it.' I don't want to sound like I'm siding with him but I want to know. I need to know. 'I've seen your jewelry. You have lots.' I could be wrong and it's a normal amount for most woman but it's not like she didn't have anything else to wear.
Squirming under me she abruptly remains still. As is she's regretting bringing it up. 'I told him that I loved you. I was just as bad as him.'
Oh. That is not what I asked. I asked why she wore the ring. Trying to match my breathing pattern with hers so she doesn't notice the sudden hick in mine,
I turn my head. Loved you. As in she doesn't love me or is she speaking like that because the conversation was in the past?
For a split second she glances at my lips again so I patiently wait for her to kiss me but she doesn't. Instead I watch as a wave of guilt hits her.
'I'm sorry.' She climbs away from me. 'I need to go find him. I didn't end things properly so I feel bad doing this.' Curling my lips I don't think she knows that she doesn't have to stay loyal. She's putting so much thought into this thing with Zayn. If it's not a relationship it's nothing to him. That's how he thinks. I know because I used to be like him. There was a reason we were once friends. But I don't know what he told her so I move away. Maybe it's not like that. Maybe he's not the same asshole.
'Stay.' I get up. I need to know if he's changed. 'I'll talk to him. You'll just end up arguing again.'
'No.' She wearily grabs my wrist. 'I don't want you to get upset and...if you keep hurting people it'll come back to you if you want to do basketball professionally.' Raising my eyebrows I'm astonished that she thought that far. She's concerned for me.
Squatting down to her I kiss her forehead. No hesitation this time. 'I won't do anything. I can't risk fucking up with you again.'
Negotiating with her she eventually permits me to go in her place so that's what I do. I go find him. If I'm being honest I just wanted to talk to him about Brylan. I don't know how close they are and I want to know.
Making my way around the house I slow down when I see him in the kitchen with another guy I've never seen before.
There's more space this time around so the two are gifted seclusion since most people have gone outside to the pool. They're either fully clothed or in their underwear. I can't help but laugh when I notice Colton on the edge of his seat as he watches to make sure no drunk participants drown.
'No she didn't sleep with me.' Zayn tosses a fruit in his mouth, bringing me back to the current situation.
'Are you serious?' He snorts. 'Wasn't that the point? You committed for no reason man.'
'There was no commitment. I made sure of it.' I don't doubt he's joking. Leaning against the wall I listen in on them. 'I fucked other girls. No relationship status on us so I'm not cheating. It's cool.'
'She was cool with it? Shit maybe I want a turn.' Biting down on my teeth when his friend makes that comment. I cross my arms and squeeze my biceps.
'She knew I talked to girls but she didn't know I was having sex. Didn't tell her.' He reaches for more grapes. 'She was so nervous about it and it was so fucking annoying. I knew she wasn't a virgin or something because she said...she apparently got raped by Jordan or some shit. Dunno. She probably said it so she could use it as a cop-out. She mentioned it when I placed my hand on her waist. How convenient is that? Odd.'
Leaning off the wall I'm shocked that he knows about Jordan? Now I'm pissed. If she trusted him that much, I don't know how she'd react if she heard Zayn speaking about her like that. What I don't understand is why she's tell him if all people.
'Oh my god. She's one of them?' The unnamed one laughs again. It's beginning to get under my skin. 'They're the biggest attention seekers. Acting as if their word is so important or valuable. They don't even have proof they just want everyone to be looking at them.'
'That's distasteful.' I make myself known. I can't sit here and stay quiet anymore. If I hear another word leave their mouths, I can't promise to keep my hands off their faces. Zayn looks over to me without a care but his friend is scared shitless when he sees me.
'What makes you think your word is so important or valuable.' I play into his fear. Walking up to him I use my height as leverage. Now that I'm closer I don't recognize him at all. I was in the same social circle as Zayn so I should at least recognize his face if Zayn's paying attention to him but I don't. 'Who are you.'
'I came at the beginning of the year.' He admits. He keeps exchanging glances between me and Zayn. 'Uh. Are you Damon.'
'Oh? You know me?'
'You sent like five kids to the hospital.' He stares at his feet. I did do that. He's just exaggerating it, they weren't all sent to the hospital, just the nurses office.
'Do you want a visual.' I tap his chin. 'This bone right here is real delicate.' Watching as his skin grows pale I turn over to Zayn. My patience is very limited with him. It's a miracle we were friends. It must've been in a past life.
'I snapped your best friends leg. That was not a rumor.' I wouldn't be talking if I was him. Him and Jordan where so close which is why I don't know why Brylan told Zayn. He's one of Jordan's number one supporters so I wonder what he must've told her about him.
Standing up to me he's five inches shorter but it doesn't seem to scare him off. Not that I need it. Jordan was my height when I was in high-school but I floored him. I washed the fucking ground with his face. I doubt Zayn will be an issue either.
'So what? Are you threatening me.' He tilts his head. Squeezing the countertop I smile at him which makes him drop his. He's trying to get under my skin and I'm fighting the urge to give him what he wants but I don't. I promised Brylan I wouldn't beat it into them. Just words.
'I'm here to tell you to block Brylan. She doesn't want to talk to you anymore okay? Just sending the message over.' I lift my hand from the countertop.
'And if I don't leave it?' I almost laugh at his question. He must have a death wish.
'Then I'm going to—'
'I would just appreciate it if you did.' We both look over to Brylan. She must've come down after some time.
Walking around the kitchen island I look over to Zayn but he just looks away from her as if she isn't important. Intertwining our fingers, she allows me to lead her away. She's remains silent so I wait until we're outside to ask her if she's okay.
'Yeah I'm fine.' She isn't convincing in the slightest.
'What's wrong?' I turn to her before repeating my question.
'He looked at me like- like I didn't matter.' She looks at her hands. 'It's a little shameful. I keep getting used over and over and sometimes I feel like that's all I'm good for. You know how some people don't really have a purpose? I'm not saying that's me or anything but I wish it was. It hurts to feel like mine is just my body.'
Frowning I'm so fucking glad she didn't hear what Zayn was saying when she was upstairs. If it had been her instead of me who had walked in on that conversation it would've destroyed her.
'He's an idiot. He'll grow to regret it later.' I say it because I have to say it. Obviously I don't want to talk about her and another guy but she's hurt. I hurt her so she felt like she had to find someone else who wouldn't. God.
'I'm sorry.' I lead her to my car. Once we're inside I continue to talk. 'I'm sorry for not explaining anything. I need to learn how—I should've learnt to be a better boyfriend. But fuck Brylan you seriously have a hold on me. Every inch of you makes me feel crazy. Not only what you can do with your body but your voice, smile, how you care, everything. Benji keeps telling me to try over and I'm not useless. I know I can and I know I would if I tried to love again. Except it wouldn't be the same and I know it. I could be married with fucking kids from this really sweet girl but if you called me and told me you wanted to try again I'd...I wouldn't know what to do.'
Hers body is positioned so she's facing me and I can't help but smile at the relief on her face. She needs to hear what I'm saying. 'How's Tessa?' She randomly asks.
'I can tell you don't trust me with your heart right?' I don't want to admit it. 'I haven't spoken to Tessa since the jog because honestly we aren't friends. It was a fucked situation that neither of us wanted to be in and we moved on. I think she has a boyfriend now actually.'
'How are you and Sophia?' The smile that follows her question seems forced. I know what she expects me to say. We got together but it doesn't matter or We fixed our problems but it's nothing.
'I don't talk to her.' The thought of her pisses me off.'She followed me and took photos of me just to upset you and I had to figure it out on my own.'