L E V I
round twelve ||
april 23rd
[ 8:12 AM ]
"Oh, Levi." The door creaks open. Helena grins, looking a little too sly for eight o'clock in the morning. Her hair is half-hazardly pulled into a bun, strands messily peaking out around her face. Even with the deep shade of brown, she still looks like Charlotte to me. The same bright smile and big eyes. "Thank you for coming so early." The door opens fully, and she steps sideways so I can enter the room. "If you would like, you can take a seat on the sofa."
The sofa before me is a faded green color, and when I sit, I sink deep into it. I have to shift a few times to get comfortable, but then I realize I won't really be comfortable, not without knowing why I asked in this small room at Helena's request. She takes her own seat across from me, on a much smaller cushioned chair. She crosses her legs, and smiles at me.
I echo the expression, though not as ecstatically. "Am I allowed to ask what this is about?"
She nods. "You are."
I open my mouth to speak, but she looks a little too excited so she cuts me off.
"You are my very first interview of the day."
My brows furrow. "Interview?"
"Yes. I am interviewing all of the selected, who are left, and you are my first one."
I shift again. "I'm going to assume these are going to be questions to get to know us better." Her smile grows, and I continue, "Because you are Charlotte's sister, and therefore interested in her love life."
Abri would high five me for using the words love life.
Helana chuckles softly. "I am very interested in her love life, you are correct, Levi. And I feel in order to help her get down to the men who could truly be the one for her, I need to conduct my own interviews and get to know each of you one on one."
She brings out a notebook, setting it on her lap.
"Are you ready?"
I nod. "What do you want to know?"
"How is your relationship with your parents?"
I let out a dry laugh. "Getting right down to business, I see." I pause, watching her pen poised above the top of the page in her notebook. "Is this just between me and you?" I ask, truly wondering how I'm supposed to answer this question. If this question is any example of the rest of the questions, I'm going to have a hard time. Not even Charlotte knows everything. And Helena looks very curious and keen on knowing all about us.
How many more princesses am I about to keep things from?
"It is. I will not be sharing any particular details with Charlotte... unless, you know, I truly have to." And it's then I know Helena won't share unless she's sure Charlotte already knows. Which is, I'm assuming, what she's already thinking, asking these questions. She wants to get to know us on a different level but still know important things about us.
I lean back against the cushion. "I didn't really have a relationship with my father." Helena shifts at my sudden answer. Her pen is poised again. "He was an alcoholic who didn't treat any of us well." To put it lightly. "My mom was my best friend growing up. She had to be, if I really had to think about it, because it was just us against Dad." I lick my lips. Helena keeps writing. "He died when I was fourteen. My mom died about seven years ago." Tears prick at my eyes, and I'm not sure why. "It's just been me and Abri since then."
She nods. "Are you close with your sister?"
"Very. We're eleven years apart, but that never really mattered. We got especially close after I came home after Mom died."
"And remind me, you served in the Coast Guard?"
"Yes, ma'am," the ma'am slips out before I can help it. "Five years."
She smiles softly. "And your mom died during your time away."
More tears prick at my eyes at the memory of it all. Receiving the letter. Coming home. Finding Abri all alone, at a stranger's house. "Yes. She had actually died almost a year before I received word, and it was eleven months after her death that I made it home."
"What happened to Abri?"
"She was put in a foster home until I could be reached."
Her head shakes. "I'm.. so sorry. And Abri was... ten?"
"Eleven."
"So you came back, and then... what? What happened?"
I continue with my story. Getting into college. Moving to a new house. Working double, triple shifts to pay the rent and pay for school. Late nights and homework projects. Graduating college and finding a job. Working. And more work.
Helena sits straight on her chair, waiting for the pause in my story. "You didn't want to leave the Coast Guard, did you?"
I swallow, my throat suddenly dry. "Uh, no. I didn't. The whole reason I went... I was running. For most of my life, I've always done that. It was easier, to be away, than to be in that house where I grew up. Where he lived. Where he hurt us." My head dips, and I can't meet her penetrating gaze. "I joined expecting to die there," I admit, my head lifting. Her eyes are steady, set on me. "I thought I would serve until I was killed. But when Mom died... I was all Abri had. I couldn't be selfish. I couldn't run. She didn't have anyone else. So, yes, I didn't want to leave. But I made a life in Calgary with Abri."
"So you don't regret it?"
"How can I? She's my best friend."
She grins. Then her expression turns serious. "You mentioned running? Should I be concerned? Speaking of Charlotte and the Selection."
I know what she's asking. If I would run from Charlotte. My immediate answer is no, but I know that's not entirely true. I'm still not convinced I'm supposed to be here. Be the one for Charlotte. I'm still running, just from something else.
"No." The lie pricks at my conscience but I push it away. "I'm trying not to be that person anymore. Not since I came home."
She doesn't push for more. "Levi, did you ever date? Have a girlfriend? Any sort of previous relationship I should be concerned about?"
I shake my head. "No. I never dated. I... if I'm being totally honest, I didn't have time. I was in school, then working, taking care of Abri simultaneously. The thought never really crossed my mind."
"Now entering the selection... besides knowing it was mandatory, was there any other reason for you to enter? A chance at love, perhaps?" Her smile turns sly again, but her words still hold weight.
Another shake of my head. "No. I only wrote my application because I was told to."
This seems to disappoint her, but I don't try to make it any better. It's true, and I won't pretend. If Helena's goal is to know me, she's going to know me. Exactly why I wrote my application with no trace of a lie. But then I also thought it would be a condemning reason not to choose mine. And yet I was chosen anyway.
"Would that answer change now?" She continues in her questioning.
"I don't know. I'm still figuring that out."
She nods. She writes another thing down before meeting my gaze. "One last question, Levi."
I brace myself, not sure what else is going to come out of her mouth.
"Why are you here?"
I shift again.
A look crosses my face, prompting her elaboration, "I mean, you have had every opportunity to leave... And based on your answer, you don't know what you feel. So why are you still here? We're not keeping you here. You can leave any time you want."
She leans forward, and I've never seen her look so serious.
"What's keeping you here, Levi?"
I swallow. "Abri would kill me if I left," I allow, joking, but I swallow that answer. "Helena, I don't know how to answer that question without just saying one word. And everything that comes with that word."
"What word is that?"
"Charlotte."
"Can you elaborate?"
She's pushing with this question. Not like the others.
"I don't know how. All I know is, throughout everything, Charlotte's... looked at me differently." A frown crosses her face. "Everyone here knows I don't belong here. I know I don't belong here. That has always been perfectly clear. I'm not a prince, I'm not a king... I'm not even a politician. Your father knows I don't belong here, and he's all but told me." Helena's jaw ticks. "And yet... even knowing I'm not welcome, I don't fit in, I don't belong... she wants me here, for some reason. And I guess I'm trying to figure out why."
Helena isn't writing any of this down.
"So, yes," I enunciate each word, "when I say that I can only say one word, that being Charlotte, it's the only answer I can give."
april 26th
[ 9:34 AM ]
Knowing that Abri is coming is better than being surprised again, but I have the same feeling in my chest when I see her climbing the stairs to the castle once more, a grin split across her face. She gives me the biggest hug, one that makes me lose my balance and almost fall backwards onto the guard by the door. When she pulls away, she straps a party hat to my head, adjusting her own.
I feel the string, sending her a look. "Your birthday isn't until tomorrow."
She shrugs. "It's actually my birthday week, and it starts today."
"What does that mean?" I ask, letting out a sigh, knowing she has something planned, something that I wasn't told about.
Her grin widens. "You'll see," she sings, walking past me, inside the castle. I follow begrudgingly, unsure if I should be concerned or not, especially as she seems to have a bit of a skip to her steps. Her looks is smug as she tosses it over her shoulder in my direction.
"This isn't some ploy to stay longer at the castle, is it?" I ask, an idea lighting in my head at her intentions to keep the party prolonged. I was even surprised Charlotte let Abri come for her birthday, so I can't imagine Abri will be allowed to stay the week.
"I would never," she retorts, aghast. "I've only started on the birthday celebration, that's all. Which means I have today and tomorrow all mapped out for us, so clear your schedule."
"Oh, it's cleared. I couldn't get out of it, even if I wanted to," I reply, noting her sudden urgency to walk further around the castle. As if she's looking for... "Who are you looking for?"
She turns back to me. "Hmm? What? Oh, no one." She pauses. "Actually, where's Linus? I need to speak to him."
She's been here for all of five seconds and already she has conversations that need to be had. I point her in the direction of the lesson room, where I'm sure all the men are gathered for today's lesson, a lesson I planned to skip out on, as I wanted to greet Abri, and Prince Philip allowed it. But I follow her to the room, where Prince Philip just begins his lesson. His brows raise at our sudden appearance.
I send him a sheepish smile as Abri practically storms into the room, a woman on a mission, eyes intent on the small number of them gathered. Finally, her eyes snag on Linus —who seems intent on writing something down in his notebook— and walks over to him, not even noticing the lesson that is currently going on.
Prince Philip stops mid sentence as Abri takes a seat next to Linus and begins talking to him in hushed whispers. Linus seems surprised at her appearance, but he quickly catches on, continuing to write, just on a separate page. It's when the room is finally very silent that Abri looks up, toward Prince Philip, who still has his brows raised.
"Oh," she chuckles nervously, eyes darting around the room. "Am I interrupting something?"
He seems amused. "No, actually. I was just telling them that you were on your way to the castle, but I suppose I no longer need to mention that." He crosses his arms. "Are you joining us for today, Miss Hernandez?"
"Not today." Abri stands. "As much as I would love to learn about," she glances at the board, "Mannerisms in a tough conversation, I'm afraid I have to steal Levi away." Her eyes find me, and it's then I notice the deep blush on her cheeks. I chuckle. It's not very often Abri is embarrassed. But I suppose she seemed keen on speaking to Linus to truly notice what it was she interrupted.
"Thank you again, Prince Philip," I say, cringing at Abri's tight grasp on my arm as she pushes me from the room. "Ow," I murmur to her once we're out of earshot.
"Why did you let me go in there?" she whispers harshly, even though it's just us in the hallway.
"I wasn't expecting you to go right up to Linus in the middle of everything," I defend, still noting her flushed cheeks. "What did you talk to him about, anyway?"
She grins. "It's a surprise."
"A surprise," I mutter flatly. "For your own birthday."
She nods. "Yep," she pops the p.
"How am I the one getting surprised when it's not even my birthday?"
"When you reach thirty, you're left out of the party planning."
april 27th
[ 3:46 AM ]
"Levi."
My eyes squeeze together.
"Levi, wake up."
I mumble something incoherent, even to my own ears. I swat at whoever is touching my hand, and roll over. My pillow is then snatched from my grasp and that's when my eyes open. A bright light is blaring directly into my eyes and I have to squint to make out Abri standing next to my bed, Linus next to her. And she's holding... a candle?
"What the heck is happening?" Is the first thing I blurt out, watching Abri giggle.
"It's my birthday. Get up."
I glance toward the clock and squint. "It's not even four o'clock," I mumble, feeling her tug on my arm, attempting to drag me from my slumber. Usually I wouldn't be too against waking up at this time, as my normal time is four, but it's a bit different being woken up by my kid sister and my roommate, who are already dressed in regular clothes with wide awake faces.
"Here." Abri shoves some clothing in my face and I can only grunt. "Get dressed. And put some shoes on," something hard hits my lap, "and don't forget to meet us downstairs when you're all ready." Then the two disappear out of my room, leaving me alone in the dark.
I'm half tempted to roll back over and go to sleep, but I won't do that to Abri. I slowly but surely pull on some sweats and a tee, pulling on a jacket over it. Then I slide on some shoes and when I stand, I have a hard time finding my door. I trip over a few random items on the ground, but once I reach the doorknob, I'm fine. I twist the handle to the suite and step out. I rub my eyes as I walk down the main set of stairs.
Abri and Linus are waiting for me, looking at me as if they are little kids on Christmas morning, waiting for their parents to finally roll out of bed to open presents.
"Okay." I yawn. "What's happening?"
"We are going to watch the sunrise. While simultaneously going sledding," Abri says.
I blink. And glance down at my apparel. "I'm not dressed for sledding." I look up, meeting both of their gazes. When did she have time to plan any of this with Linus?
"I have that covered. Just follow me." And then they're off, leading me, once again, to someplace I have no idea about. I'm trusting my eighteen-year-old— no, now nineteen-year-old sister to lead me to wherever she wants. Which feels like I'm back at home again.
"Abri, you want to go sledding for your birthday?" I ask in the car that was waiting for us at the entrance of the castle, peering out the window before turning to my sister. "I thought we would be baking today."
"We are," she responds, a twinkle in her eye. "After this. I want to go sledding and watch the sunrise, and I want to do it with my big brother. And Linus, but he had to come because without him you would still be sleeping."
I level him with a glare.
He grins.
"How long have you had this in the works?"
Abri turns back to me. "Ever since I called Charlotte and asked her if I could come here for my birthday. I talked to Bard, who let me talk to Linus and plan it." I glance toward Bard, who has also joined us this morning. "Linus is cousins with a guy who helps run a ski resort. And I asked if we could use it for sledding really early in the morning. Luckily, Linus is very persuasive and asked if he could open it for us." She wags her brows. "So we'll be the only ones there until they open."
I raise a brow at Linus. "And why did he agree to it?"
"He gets to record us going down the black diamond."
"Like... in his book?" I ask slowly, looking between the two of them.
Abri grins. "No. With a camera."
Linus holds up the object in question. I grimace. "Great."
It takes us another half hour to arrive at the ski resort, where we find a sleepy worker nodding off in his car until Linus goes and raps on his window. He proceeds to open up the doors for us (the cousin, I'm assuming), and then promptly falls back asleep in his car. Linus leads the charge through the resort, where he gets us set up in the locker room where he provides all the winter wear we will need. Abri finds the girls locker room, while Linus and I get ready in the locker. I know Bard is around somewhere, but he has yet to make an appearance since we arrived.
Not knowing how, I get dressed and head to the main foyer, where Abri is waiting for us, dressed to the max in snow gear. Her dark colored clothes blend in with our shadowy surroundings, and the only way I knew it was her was her ginormous grin she has on when she sees me.
Linus is right behind me, Bard right behind her. I know there have to be a few more guards posted around, but I haven't taken the time to find them.
"You guys ready?" Abri asks into the quiet. It feels foreign, to be in such a large building without swarms of bodies filling it.
Linus nods, pulling on the camera around his neck. "I am. Is Levi ready, that's the question." He turns to me, brows raised. He looks too excited as he shoves up glasses further up his nose. To see me go down the black diamond must have really got him out of bed this morning.
"Oh, I'm ready," I announce, noting Bard's smirk.
"Sweet. Let's go." Abri leads the charge up to the slopes. She has the sled tucked under her arm as we break out into the cold. The flood lights turn on suddenly, lighting up the otherwise dark morning. As a group, we travel up on the ski lift, in pairs, until we reach the top. I glance down the slope with a pit in my stomach, now realizing why Linus wants to video this. It's beautiful but terrifying, glancing down the large hill I'm about to sled down.
Abri grabs my arm as she sets down her sled. It's big enough for four people, which is perfect because there's no way that Bard isn't also coming down with us. If I'm out and going down a freezing cold hill at four in the morning, he's doing it too. Serves him right, for planning this all with my sister behind my back.
I take the very back seat. Linus sits right behind Abri, who takes the front, and we're about ready to push off when I grab Bard's arm, tugging him toward the sled. "You're coming too," I insist.
Bard easily pulls away. "Oh, no, sorry. I don't do sledding."
"You mean you don't do fun." Abri pouts, then seeing my determined look, turns back to Bard. "You have to come, Bard. And as the birthday girl, I have the authority to make you."
Linus turns the camera toward Bard. "The birthday girl has spoken. And plus, this footage just shows you as a big wuss, and I don't think you'd want a certain someone to see it." He grins cheekily, and Bard looks as if he'd like to whack the camera right out of his hands.
But he relents. "Fine. One trip down the hill. Then I'm done."
"That's what you think," Abri sings, clutching onto the sled. "Alright, Levi! Let her rip!"
I give us a big push, and away we go.
The sound of screaming mixes in with Abri's whooping as we speed down the hill. It's entirely up to her to steer, so I find myself closing my eyes for about half of it, the other half having no choice as snow is sprayed in my eyes. We hit bumps and turns and hills, each time landing with a thud, stopping our screaming until it soon resumes. The hill lasts much longer than I would have thought, but soon we are camped out at the bottom, struggling to breathe because of all our laughter. Abri steps out first, doubling over, while Bard falls out, hitting the snow hard on his behind. Linus almost trips but steadies himself, clutching onto his camera as if it might fall, and I stay seated, trying to regain feeling back into my face.
"Again!" Abri announces.
And up we go. On the ski lift, up to the top of the hill, now choosing a different slope to sled down. Linus gets his camera ready while Abri persuades Bard to take another trip down the hill. Linus and I are already ready, in the sled, as Bard continues to dissuade Abri from joining.
I don't see his push until it's too late. Bard shoves the sled down the hill with one giant push, leaving him and Abri in the dust. I'm not expecting the push, and without the two extra people, Linus and I fall toward the front, each landing on our stomachs next to each other, going down head first. I think Linus screams louder than I do.
Neither of us can steer, so we fly down the hill blind, hitting many more bumps and hills than the first one. When we arrive at the bottom, the sled tips off, and we both land on the cold ground hard, coughing and groaning.
All the way from the top of the hill, I hear laughter.
With all the breath I have in me, I yell, "Bard, you're a dead man walking!"
Linus begins laughing, laying on his back, clutching the camera that managed to stay intact. His laughter is contagious and soon I find myself echoing the sound. We grab the sleds, having found another one, and head to the ski lifts.
"Why all the recordings?" I ask Linus as we sit quietly in the ski lift. He turns from watching the screen.
He shrugs at first, starting with, "It helps me remember," but then he begins to look hurt. "And I realized it's better to have actual footage instead of remembering it all. I have a feeling I won't be getting too much content soon."
I nod, glancing toward the camera, but then his words compute. "What do you mean?"
"I won't be at the castle for much longer. I won't be in the selection for much longer."
My chest constricts. "How do you know?"
He sends me a pointed look. "Think about it, Levi. I'm not meant for Charlotte. The only thing really keeping me here is my book and all of you guys. Charlotte included. But we're not meant for each other. I know that. She knows that. I want to be here to see it all turn out, but we're getting close to the Elite, which means that every guy left could end up with Charlotte. Which means I don't belong here anymore."
The pit in my stomach is back. "Will you tell her?"
He nods. "Eventually. Not yet. There's still enough of us left. Which means they won't call the Elite until a few more leave."
The pit grows. I stay quiet.
"You'll still be here, though," he comments, letting out a breath.
I raise a brow. "And you know this, how?"
He smirks. "I write down everything, Levi. You think I haven't written so many things about the looks shared between the two of you? Or the things spoken between the two of you? Or the way you rescued her the night of ice skating, or at her birthday party?" I open my mouth to interject, but he doesn't let me. "Or the way you call her "princess"? And the way she seeks you out in the crowd?" He chuckles. "I think the two of you are meant to be more than friends. I think she's going to become the reason you stay, Levi, if she isn't already."
Helena's question pops back in my mind. Why are you here?
And then my answer. Charlotte.
I barely meet Linus' eye. "My entire book will be about the two of you, I guarantee it."
I scoff lightly, staring up at the sky. What do you say to that?
"She won't eliminate you, Levi. Not when I know how deep her feelings run for you."
The ski lift arrives at the top of the slope. We both exit quietly, our recent conversation hanging in the air between us. I'm quiet until I catch sight of Abri, the present situation now taking precedent in my mind.
"How was your ride?" Abri asks once we come into view.
Bard stands behind her.
I narrow my eyes at him. "I think there's snow build up behind my eyes."
They both laugh.
Linus steps forward, snapping a picture. While the flash hurts their eyes for a moment, I take the opportunity to kneel and scoop up some snow. I form it into a ball, which I aim directly at Abri. She sees it, and jumps away, the snowball hitting Bard directly in the stomach.
"Ow!"
Already, Abri is on the ground, scooping up snow. "Oh, it's on now!" Then a ball comes flying at my face, which I manage to duck away from. But Bard throws one right after, hitting me in the chest. Linus stuffs his camera until his coat and begins making his own.
Soon, chaos ensues. Abri and Bard duck behind some trees, while Linus and I hide behind a couple rocks near the edge of the woods. Snowballs fly back and forth, most of them missing, but we don't really care. Abri starts sneaking toward us through the trees, while Linus continues making more snowballs.
Bard keeps them flying, while I send more his way.
Linus then gets hit square in the face, and he takes a moment to clean his glasses.
Abri comes out of the trees, yelling and laughing as she pelts the two of us with all the snowballs she has hidden in her pockets. I try to fight back, but then Bard runs over, his own ammunition hidden in his scarf, which he begins pelting at us.
Linus and I have no other choice but to run.
We almost trip over a few rocks, but then we make it to their stash, which we begin using against them, meeting in the middle on the top of the hill, continuing to throw and get hit with snowballs. We're all red faced and tired, and it's when Linus takes out his camera and yells at us to stop do we realize it.
The sun is beginning to rise.
And since we're at the top of the large hill, we have a perfect view of it.
The snowballs drop from our hands and hit the ground. We all stare in awe at the light that begins to fill our vision.
Abri comes to stand next to me and leans her head against my arm. "This is the start of the best birthday," she whispers. I glance down at her with a smile, but I soon regret it as she shoves a snowball in my face.
—
I set the fourth set of cupcakes on the counter. I slide off the oven mitt, stepping around Abri to turn off the timer on the oven. It beeps, turning back to the clock, but then Abri hands me another pan. "That has to go on for eleven minutes," she murmurs, licking her fingers full of batter.
I blow out a breath, sliding the cake into the oven, turning on the timer once again. I turn to see Abri at the sink, washing her hands. "This is what, the fourth chocolate we've already made? Don't you think we should make some other flavors?" I follow her to the sink, where she begins to wash the mixing dish. She shakes her head. "Like, maybe, strawberry?"
She rolls her eyes. "No one likes strawberry cake, Levi, except you."
I cross my arms and lean against the counter, facing her. "You don't know that. Everyone can't possibly like chocolate cake."
Her fingers fling water into my face. I push her away, wiping at my face. "I didn't even buy anything to make strawberry cake. I bought vanilla, almond, lemon, and a whole lotta chocolate." She eyes the counter behind us. "And so far we have seven more cakes to make, eight more batches of cupcakes, and a gazillion cookies, so stop complaining."
I duck my head, grinning, letting her shove a few boxes into my arms.
Mom started this tradition when Abri was three years old. Of spending her entire birthday baking in the kitchen until either one of them collapsed. The first time they did it, Abri fell asleep halfway through the day, and Mom roped me in to make the rest. But once Abri got older, she would spend every waking minute of her birthday baking. I couldn't ever get them to leave the kitchen.
It really started because of Dad. He loved that Mom baked, and on the day of Abri's birth, Mom was found in the kitchen, baking, because Dad wanted some cookies she made the best, and because things weren't so bad that day between the two of them, she decided to make them. But she didn't get too far when her water broke and Dad drove her to the hospital.
And as eleven years old, I had to finish making the cookies with the neighbor looking on, who was asked to watch me, and bring them to the hospital to greet my new little sister. And those cookies were the first thing Mom ate after Abri was born. And thus created her idea to make cookies every year on Abri's birthday.
I took up the mantle after Mom passed.
It was the hardest birthday. Abri couldn't get through it without crying. I couldn't either. It had barely been a year since I came home, and we had just moved into our new house, so everything was new. But we made everything we needed to and gave it all away to a veteran's shelter, something Mom decided to do after I left for the Coast Guard.
Any time I bake, I'm reminded of her. She would have been a professional baker if I hadn't been born. But she said she preferred to be home with me, with us, than somewhere else. She was content in that house, and she said it was because of the two of us.
Abri pours the freshly made batter into a pan. For a split second, I envision Mom there in her place, making something, her nose scrunched up at the smell of the food. But then I blink and she's gone.
And Abri's still there.
"Levi?"
Abri waves her hand in my face.
"Earth to Levi."
I blink again. "What?"
"You're staring off in space. You alright?"
I nod. "Oh, yeah, I'm good." I grin. "Just tired."
She smirks. "You'll be fine. Waking up before four will be good for you."
I fake a yawn which turns into a real one. "You won't be saying that when we have all these baked goods to make and I'm fast asleep on one of those chairs." I motion to the closest one, near a large window. "And then you're stuck making all of these by yourself."
"I'll just get Charlotte. Or I'll just wake you up."
I roll my eyes. "Get Charlotte. Don't wake me up."
"Right now? Get her right now?" She starts for the door. "I can if you want. I know you must miss her, not having seen her all day," she teases.
"Abri," I warn. "I have to be asleep first. Give me at least five minutes."
She lets out an exasperated sigh. "I really do want her in here. You said she could join eventually."
"Yes, eventually." I glance toward the clock. "It's been only two hours since we started. You have to let us clean up a little first. And maybe bake a few more things so we don't look like slackers."
"Fine," Abri mutters. "I'll bake one more cake and then I'm getting her."
"I'll make you a different deal." Now I have her attention. "You can get her right now to get her if you let me make four strawberry cakes." I place a giant grin on my face. "Huh? Huh? That's a good deal, am I right?"
"No. You suck at deals."
"Well, birthday girl, at least I like the most preferred cake out of anyone."
—
I jump when Charlotte walks into the room.
I took the opportunity to make the cake I wanted while Abri was gone. She said she wanted to grab something out of her room, but now I know she only wanted to grab Charlotte while I was distracted. But I guess I was so distracted in trying to make the strawberry batter in time that I didn't expect to look up and find Charlotte watching me.
"Princess," the word comes out of my mouth before I can stop it. And so does the bowl in my hands. The pink batter falls in a splat to the ground, all my hard work going down the drain. I tried my best to make sure it didn't spill, but half of the batter is spread all over the ground and my feet. My black socks are now pink. I let out a groan, muttering as I lick my fingers.
I look up again and Charlotte is still there. Abri moves past me to finish her batter she started before she left. "So Charlotte, what do you want to help with first?" She sends me a look, grins, then turns back to the princess.
"Cleaning up the mess?" Charlotte suggests, holding back a laugh as she looks at me. I send her a small smile as she grabs a towel and kneels in front of the pile of pink. I join her with another towel, and together we begin to clean up the batter.
I swallow as Charlotte comes closer, concentrating on scooping the batter into the towel. Her hair, although pulled back, finds its own way around her face as she continues. I glance toward the pile. I'm not even doing anything, I'm just gawking.
I feel Abri nudge me from behind. I glance back at her.
She grins. "Stop oogling," she whispers.
I can't stop my cheeks from heating.
"Is this strawberry?" Charlotte asks, sniffing the towel that is now dyed pink.
I nod, using my towel to clean up the rest. "Yeah. I was attempting to make it before Abri came back. She hates strawberry cake."
Charlotte shakes her head. "But it's so good."
I pull back. I chuckle and Abri can't help but notice. "Charlotte likes strawberry flavored cake too, Abrielle." I stick my tongue out at her.
She does the same. "You're both weird."
I turn back to Charlotte. Her smile is soft.
I echo it.
—
"Does she usually fall asleep during movies?" Charlotte whispers.
I glance toward Abri again. She's snoring softly against the pillow I snuck under her head after she fell asleep. She's still wearing all of her baking clothes. We didn't have time to change before the movie, so we're all dirty, sitting on the floor against the couch in the movie room, watching her favorite movie, Treasure Planet. We just finished sending off all the baked goods, and we're all pretty exhausted.
"Not usually. Especially not when Jim Hawkins is on the screen." I move away from my seat, snatching a blanket from a chair, standing. I drape it over Abri's shoulders, making sure she's entirely covered, save for her head, with the blanket. "But waking up before four will do that to something." I grin toward Charlotte, finding my way back to my seat. But on my way, I grab another blanket.
As I take my seat, Charlotte murmurs, "You're a good brother, Levi," she whispers softly.
Instead of handing the blanket I grabbed to Charlotte, I do the same thing I did to Abri, and drape it over her legs. She immediately snuggles closer, and even though I feel myself stiffen, I can't deny that I don't mind it. She even shares the blanket, covering my legs with the other half of it.
"Thanks," I reply. "I don't really have anyone else to take care of, so..."
She nods. "Right."
I try to focus on the movie. But every shift, every sniffle, every movement, distracts me, until I'm sneaking looks at the woman next to me. Her eyes are on the screen, but her body is incredibly close to mine, and it takes everything in me to not pull her closer. I just about lose my head as I watch as Charlotte slowly closes her eyes, resting her head on my shoulder. Soon, she's fully putting her weight against me.
I shift closer so she isn't falling. Her side fits next to mine, her shoulder directly fitting under my arm. She fits perfectly, her head now moving to my chest. Ever so slowly, almost as if she's still awake, does her arm find its way to my stomach, where it rests across it. As if she's hugging me in her sleep.
I push away a few strands near her eyes to better see her face. She breathes softly, and I feel the heat of her breath on my skin.
My eyes focus on the movie. But every breath, every touch, distracts me again, until I'm finding myself watching Charlotte sleep next to me, wrapped up next to me, holding onto me as if I mean everything to her.
She's even beautiful in her sleep.
I can't deny anything anymore. The attraction, the longing, the desire. Every part of me wants her now, and it's only a matter of time until I act on it. Until I kiss her. Until I have to tell her.
And in the quiet of the evening, with the only sound of the movie and her breathing filling my ears, do I think that it could happen. That we could happen. That I could wake her up right now and tell her I think about her all the time. I want to be near her all the time. That I can't meet her gaze anymore without wanting to kiss her.
What would she say, I wonder, if I was brave?
(But I'm not brave. I'm still running)
But I'm still here. That has to count for something.
(Charlotte's the one keeping me here)
That has to count for something.
may 6th
[ 2:56 PM ]
I haven't been to a funeral since Dad died.
I didn't cry at that funeral. I cried before and after. I didn't want to shed any tears around so many people; I didn't want them to think I missed him. They all knew how terrible he was. But the loss in my heart was unbearable, and I hated that I cried for him. That his death made me cry.
That I felt anything other than anger at him.
This funeral is much different than the one for Dad.
Firstly, every person who stood to speak about Rhett's mom spoke of her in love and happiness. They knew this woman, and even though I never met her, each person here mourns her loss with genuineness.
Every person who spoke at Dad's was faking.
Secondly, this is a celebration of Mrs. Hester's life.
At Dad's funeral, most people there knew the impact his life had on everyone around him. They knew he had a drinking problem, an anger problem, and they knew it was probably better that he wasn't around to influence us anymore. A few people even told Mom it's lucky that Abri was so young when he died.
So he couldn't influence her.
Like he did me.
And thirdly, Charlotte's here. In support of Rhett and his family.
So are all the remainder selected. The six of us here, the other with his family.
I didn't have a Charlotte then. I had a baby sister and a mourning mother. I had a heartbroken family even though we shouldn't have been. Abri cried at the funeral even though she didn't know what was happening, but that was mostly because Mom was sobbing.
I held strong for all of us during the ceremony.
But after, I was a mess.
I didn't even get to be there for Mom's funeral. I missed it, along with all the speeches and the burial. I missed my own speech for her. I missed the stories that they told of her. I missed ten-year-old Abri standing at her mother's coffin, all alone.
I would have cried at that funeral. As I am crying now.
Charlotte bumps into me as we all stand. They couldn't seat us, the crowd is so large and there aren't enough seats, so we are all standing at the back, looking on as the ceremony continues.
I thread my fingers through hers, squeezing them three times.
She sees my tears when she glances up at me. But my eyes are on Rhett as he takes the stand.
That would have been me. At her funeral. The son who lost his mother. The one who has to take care of his sister now that his mother is gone. I spot his sister at the front, wiping under her eyes as Rhett begins to speak.
A eulogy to the life his mother lived. A speech dedicated to her time with them.
I squeeze Charlotte's hand one more time, but only because I need something to steady myself, memories washing over me. She doesn't look like she minds, her eyes on Rhett. But I'm only taking advantage of the fact that at this funeral, I have a Charlotte, one who will let me hold her hand, keeping me present when I would be sure to float off without her.
A Charlotte who doesn't judge the tears streaming down my face.
One who squeezes my hand back, reminding me that I'm here now, and not seven years ago, coming back to a motherless Abri.
One who smiles softly up at me at the close of the funeral, and in her eyes I see the sadness and compassion she has for Rhett and his family. I release her hand so she can go speak with them.
Linus appears by my side. I wipe under my eyes.
"Hey, you alright?" he asks in a quiet voice. I nod.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm alright." I wipe my cheeks on my jacket sleeve, sniffing. I watch Charlotte hug Rhett, tears in her eyes. He squeezes her back tightly.
"I'm telling Charlotte I'm staying," Linus whispers.
My head snaps to him. "What?"
He meets my gaze. "I'm leaving the selection, Levi."
My chest constricts, heavier this time, heavier than on Abri's birthday. "B-but, why—"
"Rhett's telling her he's not coming home," he murmurs. When I turn a questioning look over to him, he explains, "He can't come home, not now. And she can't wait for him." I look over to see Charlotte tearing up again, expressing a mixture of shock and denial. "I knew when his mom died that he wouldn't be coming home. He needs to be home." Linus crosses his arms.
I glance at my friend sadly. "Why now?" I ask him.
He lets out a breath, one that sounds full of exhaustion I wouldn't have expected from him. "After I tell Charlotte I'm leaving, there's five of you left... which means the Elite. You have top ten, then top five, and that's it. Out of the five of you, Charlotte will pick. And I told you before, it's not me. I was waiting until we reached the final number." He scratches the back of his head before pushing up his glasses. "It's time." He shrugs, but I don't let him push it off, I envelope him into a hug and squeeze.
First the funeral and now this...
Linus lets out a soft chuckle at my tight squeezing. "Oh, boy, I'm gonna miss you," he murmurs before hugging me back with a rigorous force. "I'll need to come back to get a picture of you for my book," he teases as we pull away.
I release a watery laugh, playfully shoving him aside. "Keep me updated with your book. I want to know everything."
Under the sadness, he gives me an evil grin. "Everything? You sure about that?" He eyes Charlotte and wags his brows. I shake my head.
"I'm sure. Just enough so I can tell Abri."
His expression softens at her name. "Tell her for me, will you? And tell her I had a great time planning her birthday."
"She knows. But I'll tell her anyway."
He smiles. "Thanks."
I clutch his shoulder. "I expect you to visit."
He beams. "I'll be a frequent house guest, don't you worry."
Then he's off to speak to Charlotte, who is now standing with Bard, watching Rhett and his sister say their final goodbyes.
I watch their conversation far off. I watch her expression. Their goodbyes. The smiles and the suppressed tears. Once he walks away, I approach Charlotte.
She doesn't seem to expect me. She looks lost in her own thoughts, in the loss of Linus and Rhett, which I'm sure she feels heavily. As soon as she finds me standing next to her, she launches herself into my arms, pulling me into a tight embrace. I hold her as she cries, cupping the back of her head with my hand.
"I'm sorry," she whispers. Then she tries to control herself, tucking away the tears. I produce a tissue for her, and she blows her nose and wipes her cheeks. The tissue is then clutched in between her hand as I interlock her free hand with mine.
"You're allowed to cry," I reply. "It's a funeral, after all," I mutter flatly.
She glances up at me. "Thank you for coming."
She almost sounds surprised. But I know she's not. Rhett is our friend, hers even more so, and no one wants to go through a loss all alone. Especially not a mother's. A mother who survived her husband and raised her children. And from what Rhett has told me about himself and his family, he himself helped raise his sister and take care of his mother.
He took a step I never got to take.
Taking care of Mom.
I clear my throat, blinking to stop the tears from coming. "You're welcome. Rhett didn't deserve to walk through this alone."
"Is that what you did?" her voice is barely audible.
I shake my head. "Not with Mom. Abri had to do that."
"My heart hurts for her," she says numbly, I can tell she's not really thinking about anything except the loss she just experienced. So I squeeze her tighter, letting her stay away from everyone who wants to talk to her to give her a moment to herself.
"You ready to go?" I ask after another moment.
She stares up at me and nods. "Yeah. I am."
We walk away.
She squeezes my hand three times.