"Soph. Sophie. Soph. Hey, I'm here. Soph, it's just a dream."
I shot up in bed, feeling around for the switch on the lamp and looking next to me for Leah. She wasn't there, of course, but she was still on the phone. I wiped the tears that had accumulated under my eyes, lifting the phone to look at a concerned face looking back at me. 3.01am.
"Did I wake you?" I sighed.
"It's okay; I'm here. I'm right here, okay?"
"I'm sorry. I was just having a bad dream."
"I know. Do you want to tell me about it?"
"I wish you were here." I began to sob.
"I wish that too. All I want to do is protect you. I really think I should come home, Soph."
"No, don't be silly. I'm just a big baby." I chuckled, trying to stop her from worrying.
"You're not. I bet yesterday was really frightening. You're the strongest person I know, and I don't need you to joke about things to protect me. I know you're hurting, I know you're scared, and I know you need me. Let me be there. Please." Leah closed her eyes in anticipation of my answer.
"I promise if I need you home, I'll say it."
"Okay you." She smiled, focusing on my face like she wanted to remember every detail.
"Wait - how come you're still on the phone?" I chuckled.
"You caught me. I wanted to fall asleep beside you, too. I thought I'd hang up tomorrow before you woke up."
"You can be so cute sometimes." Butterflies.
"Only for you, Soph."
Over the next few days, it became obvious that I wasn't being a baby. I was suffering from a delayed reaction to what had happened, and I wasn't going to shy away from that. I felt sick when I gazed around the office, I felt unsafe when I was around the building alone, and I felt anxious before work—well, more anxious than I usually do. Almost like a guardian angel had sent her, I bumped into Holly while shopping for some new clothes in the hope of retail therapy working. We decided to grab a coffee, although I spent more time trying to hide from the stares of the people around me, all desperate to find out the backstory to my facial injuries. Holly was kind, the type of person who accepted me for who I was, and never one to decide whether she liked me or not based on where Leah and I were in our relationship. I wasn't stupid; I knew that she noticed the tremble in my hands, the glazing of my eyes, and the softness of my voice, which were the standard symptoms of my own anxiety issues.
"Leah told me what happened; I hope that's okay for me to say." She trailed off, likely afraid she had said too much.
"Yeah, she told me. I just can't believe it. You hear these stories, but you don't ever think it'll be you."
"I can imagine it's hard to come back from. Especially when you have to return to the same place every day."
Holly made it easy to talk; she didn't stare to wait for my reaction to her words; she just casually sipped her coffee as if we were talking about the weather.
"Yeah. I think that's the part I've found the hardest. I've always hated that place; I always get myself into a state before I go in. This has just amplified it, I think. I'm hoping when Leah is back, I'll start to find it easier."
"I once had a customer at work scream in my face, really aggressively. It terrified me; they didn't, like, do that or anything. I don't know why I'm saying this; it's obviously not the same."
"It basically is. What did you do? You know, how did you deal with it?" I asked.
"I didn't. I got a new job." She chuckled.
"I wish I could do that." I sighed.
"Can't you?"
"It's hard to keep switching around firms. If you leave, they tend to badmouth you to other people, and then you have to start from the bottom again."
"Would you not go back to your own firm? Didn't Leah buy your shares or something?"
"Yeah, she did. She's amazing." I smiled, thinking about Leah.
"Sounds like you have a way out, if you ask me."
"I just worry. Leah and I are great—more than great—we're perfect. I just don't want to rush it, if that makes sense."
"I get it. You have to remember, though, that—and I don't mean this negatively towards Leah—you have been the one to make yourself vulnerable. Lose your safety! That's what I mean. Leah knew that. She knew that when your relationship ended, you had to give up everything you had built here to feel safe in Ireland again. That was definitely part of her reasoning for buying you out; she always hoped you'd come back to her, and I guess she wanted to have something that she could make you feel safe with again. It sounds to me like right now you need something to make you feel safe in London."
"Yeah, I think you might be right. Thank you."
"Talk to her, Sophie. Leah knows you better than most people; she'll know if it's the right thing for you and for both of you. Trust me, if she thinks for one second that it isn't or that it'll risk what you two have, she'll just simply say no. She won't risk losing you again." Holly placed a comforting hand on my own.
I stepped into the office the following morning after thinking about what Holly said. I knew that she was right; I knew that I needed someone to make me feel like I was safe right now, and I knew that Leah, without my knowing it, had sacrificed herself to make sure I had that chance should I need it. The thing that made Leah and I strongest was that we often both felt the same emotions at the same time; we both worried about each other more than we worried about ourselves. That night's events didn't surprise me, and the text conversation with Lia didn't surprise me.
Lia
Hey mate. I heard what happened to you, hope you're okay! I don't want to worry you, but Leah is struggling to be away from you at this time. She said you told her not to come home. I think she's a bit scared that if she comes home anyway, you might think she's being too much. It might be best that she does come home, though, she's not in the right headspace, and it could impact her getting picked to start next season. X
I knew Lia could see I had opened the message and not replied for 28 minutes, but I had to be sure that my response was the correct one. I had to be sure that I was making the right decision and that I wasn't shutting Leah out of making decisions with one of her best friends behind her back.
Sophie
Hey Lia. Thanks, I'm okay, just a bit shaken up. Thank you for letting me know about Leah. I'm glad she has someone to look out for her. I didn't want her to come home because I was afraid it would make her miss out on a starting spot next season if she hadn't done preseason training. Do you think if I came over, they would let her out to see me?
Lia
That sounds like an even better plan! Leave it with me, I'll ask a few questions.
I headed home, knowing if I was going to make this work, I would need to pack some things and figure out a way to hand over my cases. As I drove through the streets towards my own home, I felt a sudden urge of decisiveness wash over my entire being. I knew the first thing I would say to Leah. With each item I packed into my suitcase, I thought of how I would tell Leah about my decision, how I would convince her that it was right, and what I would do if she said she wasn't on board with it. Be brave, Sophie. Communication.
I made some calls, figuring out a way to ensure that I could work on my cases from Dubai while also planning for my eventual step out of Campbell's and back into my own firm with Amanda. Just as I was beginning to doubt that this could actually work, my phone buzzed, and a text from Lia cemented that this was really happening.
Lia
I spoke to them, and they said you can come stay with Leah as long as you don't mind being alone while she's training (I told them you'd probably be working anyway). When are you coming? Are you telling Leah?x
Sophie
Thanks Lia. I can fly out tomorrow morning, which gets me in there for 2am though. Flight times are awful. Yeah, I'll tell her, or she'll worry when I don't call x
Lia
Perfect! We have a rest day the following day! See you soon, Sophie :) x
I knew I could've palmed Leah off, but the truth is, I was over the surprises. I wanted her to know that I was flying out and that it was what she wanted. I waited patiently for Leah's nightly call, moving around the sofa as my nerves took over. Finally, that familiar ringtone played out of my phone, a smile unable to keep itself off my face.
"Hi Le." I smiled into the camera.
"Hi Soph. How you feeling now? Your face seems to have cleared up a good bit."
"It has. I'm okay, how're you?"
Every part of me expected Leah to brush over how she was actually feeling. I thought she would hold back because she was worried about me, but I should've believed in her more than that. I should've known that Leah had almost lost me through a lack of communication before, and she had no intention of letting that happen again.
"I'm not holding up too well, Soph. It's hard. I miss you, and I guess I just feel like I should be with you."
"What if you were?"
"You need me?" Leah's eyes sparkled at the thought.
"I do."
"Okay, babe, let me go tell them and book -"
"Are you joking? It's like 10° here. I need the sun and you."
"I don't understand, Soph." She chuckled.
"I spoke with Lia. I'm going to come to you, work from the hotel. It's all organised. I just need you to say yes."
"Yes. Obviously. You're coming here? You're really coming here? When do you arrive?"
"Late tomorrow night, are you sure you're okay with it?"
"Of course I am, Soph." Leah's face was now beaming, her smile filling most of the camera.
"You look like you're going to cry." I said softly.
"I am. Happy tears, though."
— — — —
The travel was made harder by the fact that my flight had been delayed by over 2 hours. Leah had organised a transfer from the airport to the hotel for me, sending me the room number and telling me to text her when I was on my way. I guessed that she just wasn't allowed to leave the hotel at that time of night when she was away with the team. Room 208.
I knocked gently and stood nervously waiting for Leah to open the door, knowing she wanted me there but still getting those typical in love nerves that you hear about in books. Almost as soon as I knocked, Leah quietly opened the door. Her eyes were glazed over with obvious happy tears. Do I just tell her my plans now? Ask her the question? I need to remember to talk to her about the business too. My mind was racing as I stood silently in front of her and felt my own eyes building up tears.
"Soph? Are you coming in?" She said softly, clearly knowing I had something on my mind.
"Yeah." I said in a whisper.
Leah pulled the door further open, gesturing for me to enter, before she pulled my bags in behind her, leaving them just behind the door when it closed. She watched my every move as I made my way towards the window, staring out into the darkness that had fallen across the sky while I was in the air. One deep breath, two deep breaths, and three deep breaths.
"Leah. I -"
"What is it, Soph?" Leah walked slowly closer to me, still trying to decipher my tone.
"I've been thinking, a lot. I know I said I wouldn't - without you - but well -"
"No. Please, no." She whispered so quietly that it was hard to make out.
"I want us to move back in together." I blurted out.
"Sophie Kelly, are you actually trying to give me a heart attack?" She chuckled.
"What do you mean?"
"You come here; I haven't seen you for weeks; you don't hug me; you stare out the window; and then you call me Leah instead of Le. I thought you were going to break up with me!" She chuckled harder.
"I was nervous." I blushed.
"You're adorable, Soph. C'mere."
Leah opened out her arms, laughing again as I threw myself into them and squeezed her frame as tightly as I could. She placed kisses along the top of my head, making her way down the bridge of my nose until she met my lips, but I pulled back.
"Don't I get a kiss?" She stuck her bottom lip out.
"Don't I get an answer?" I raised one eyebrow.
"I mean, technically, you never moved out. Your shoes were beside the bed the whole time."
"Hm." I huffed.
Leah cupped my cheeks with her hands, taking care not to hurt my now lightly bruised cheeks. She brushed my hair behind my ear, bringing her lips barely a millimetre away from mine.
"But for the record, I would love to move back in with you, Soph." She whispered.
"Kiss me then."
And just like all the best deals, we sealed that one with a kiss.