I dug around my bag with shaky hands for my phone. I wanted to book a cab as quickly as possible and get the hell away from Mitchell. I couldn't believe my eyes – my mind kept playing back the same image repeatedly.
If someone told me that Mitchell would've jumped into bed with someone so soon after we broke up and after claiming he still loved me, I would've never believed it. But I saw everything with my eyes and began to doubt if I ever knew Mitchell in the first place.
He slept with someone after he walked out on me the first time even though he was in love with me. I don't think I should be that surprised.
I would've done anything to get the picture of Mitchell in bed with another woman out of my head. I didn't see her face but all I knew was that she slept on her stomach with blonde hair covering her face. It hurt even more because she lay on what was once my side of the bed.
"Mila!" Mitchell called out to me and I heard his footsteps from behind.
I panicked and my phone slipped before I was able to book a cab. Nevertheless, I doubted a cab would've arrived quick enough before Mitchell caught up to me. Christmas Eve was always busy with last-minute shoppers crowding the roads and streets. My heart raced and I wanted nothing more than to just disappear.
My eyes landed on Mitchell's car keys that sat on the kitchen counter. In a state of desperation, I grabbed it and bolted for the front door.
Just as my fingers were about to close around the doorknob, Mitchell grabbed my arm. He spun me around and his face was not of the man I loved anymore. I couldn't look at him without feeling betrayed and disgusted.
I pulled my hand out of his grasp. "Do not touch me!"
Mitchell immediately pulled back and rubbed his temples. He squinted his eyes and grimaced. "Alright," his voice was a little groggy. "I won't touch you but please hear me out."
I'd only seen Mitchell hungover once before but this time he looked the worst. If I wasn't so hurt and upset, I would've felt bad at how pathetic and almost uncomfortable he looked.
"It seems you aren't about ethics but it's bad manners to chat with your ex while last night's leftovers are still in your bed," I spat.
Mitchell couldn't look at me and I wasn't sure if it was because of guilt or how shit he felt. A tiny part of me was relieved that he was dressed but that didn't mean nothing happened the previous night.
"Let me explain," he muttered.
"Nothing you say will make me stay so save your breath!" I didn't give him a chance to reply, opened the door, and stormed out.
I headed straight for the elevator. I repeatedly pressed the button for the elevator to arrive sooner. Thankfully, it was only two floors away and arrived soon. I heard Mitchell call after me and his steps were a little sluggish or he would've caught up sooner.
I hastily got in, pressed for the underground parking lot, and hastily clicked for the door to close.
"Mila wait!" With his hand out, Mitchell quickened his steps.
"Close puta madre!" I snapped at the elevator and just as Mitchell approached, the door shut in his face.
It wasn't difficult to find Mitchell's black SUV. His car was parked in a reserved space and once the elevator took its sweet time to reach the basement parking lot, I rushed to the vehicle. Whatever logic and ethics I had left in me disappeared the minute I saw Mitchell in bed with another woman. The only thing I wanted was to get as far away as possible from Mitchell and everything else.
I unlocked the car and got into the driver's seat. I put on the seatbelt and was about to start the car but froze before my finger was able to touch the start button. My mind rewound time and I was in Mithell's G Wagon all over again. I left in the middle of the night in December, and it was snowing too.
Every little hair on my body stood and my stomach churned as I mentally relived the moment the car crashed. I tumbled upside down and the sound of shattering glass and metal crushing hurt my eardrums.
I squeezed my eyes shut, my breathing came rapidly, and my heart raced while that moment played back on a loop in my head. I controlled my breathing but couldn't get rid of the mental image.
It's been years Mila, get it out of your system. You're okay, you're safe.
A loud bang startled me, and I covered my ears. Two more bangs forced me to open my eyes and I met Mitchell's wide gaze. He looked frantically between me and the steering wheel. I couldn't hear what he said from the thick glass windows, but it sounded as if he yelled at me to get out of the car.
His face calmed me down and for a split second I was ready to listen to him but just like that, his disheveled hair reminded me of what I walked into. He looked and sounded like my Bitchell but he was not that person anymore.
The hurt and pain I felt from what I had just witnessed drained out the trauma from the accident and I gathered the courage to start the car. Mitchell yelled furiously but I shook my head, gripped the steering wheel, exhaled through my lips, hit reverse, and gestured for Mitchell to move out of the way. He was stubborn but I was filled with so much hurt and rage that I didn't care for anything at that moment.
I acted on impulse and pressed my foot on the accelerator. Mitchell's reflexes forced him to move out of the way and that allowed me to get away.
My heart raced but I was able to speed out of the parking lot. I didn't miss Mitchell's distressed form via the rearview mirror. My throat ached and my heart hurt but I needed to leave. I assumed Mitchell would've eventually followed but I hoped he understood that I didn't want to see him at that moment... or ever again.
I pulled onto the highway and that was when tears pooled in my eyes. Driving used to ease my mind but this time it didn't work. I couldn't get the image of Mitchell sharing what was once our bed with someone else.
Could what he did be considered cheating? I supposed not because we were broken up. But were two words enough to erase every feeling, moment, and memory we shared so soon? Did over mean the end? I couldn't even think of seeing someone else let alone sharing my body with them so soon. Mitchell still very much lived in my heart and was a part of my every being. I loved him more than anything, yet it was so easy for him to forget everything.
Tears rolled down my cheeks and I pressed on the gas. My heart hurt more than it ever had since Mom's death. I understood at that moment why it was called heartbreak because my heart truly felt broken. It physically hurt and I didn't know how to make it stop.
I took deep breaths and did my best to only focus on the road. There was quite a bit of traffic and some people drove like idiots. My hands shook so I planted them firmly on the steering wheel and cleared my mind as much as possible.
I couldn't go home to my family just yet and needed some time alone to collect myself. I drove to my apartment. I heard the tires screech when I pulled up and only then realized I drove over the speed limit. However, I couldn't care less.
I slammed the car door shut, locked it, and took the elevator up to my apartment. There was a little cabinet on the wall in the hallway at the entrance of my apartment. I kept framed pictures of the people closest to me on it. Despite our breakup, I never had the heart to remove the picture of me and Mitchell. It was a picture we took at Faith and Owen's wedding, there was tension between us but the smiles on our faces were genuine because we laughed at something when it was clicked.
Mitchell stared at me with a bright smile while my eyes were squinted from laughing. He had one hand on my waist and the other was in his pocket. More tears pooled in my eyes and a kaleidoscope of our memories flashed in my mind.
I lifted the frame off the cabinet and tossed it against a wall. Glass shattered and the picture halfway slipped out of the broken frame. I picked it up and ripped the picture in half. I'd never felt so much betrayal in my life.
My feelings felt all over the place and I didn't quite know what to do. I paced back and forth, tugged at my hair, cried, and even yelled into a pillow. It was weird how life worked, when I got up in the morning, I felt pretty good. Being around my family helped and I was confident in visiting Mitchell, but little did I know what I was about to walk into.
I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. "Enough Mila. That Clarke boy isn't worth your tears."
It was Christmas Eve and my family waited for me. We had lunch planned and Abuela was to make all my favorite foods. I needed to be with the people who loved me instead of crying over someone who never loved me as much as he claimed.
I composed myself and made my way to the bathroom to freshen up. However, a knock or more like a bang on my front door stopped me.
"Mila, open the door!" Mitchell yelled from the other side.
I had a feeling it was him. He probably drove over with his other car and chased after me. Couldn't he understand that I didn't want to see let alone speak to him? I remained quiet and hoped he would've thought I wasn't home.
"I tracked my car, I know you're in there," Mitchell said. "Please let me in."
That awful lump was back in my throat, but I kept my emotions in check and squared my shoulders. "Leave me alone."
"Open this door or so help me I'll break it down!" Mitchell exclaimed.
I didn't take his threat lightly and if I didn't have neighbors, I wouldn't have cared. I wiped my eyes once more and before Mitchell took my door down, I opened it.
Relief coated Mitchell's features the second our eyes locked. He looked pretty much a mess and didn't even bother to grab a coat before he left. His eyes darkened and he stormed into the apartment.
"What the fuck were you thinking?"
I shut the door behind me and crossed my arms over my chest. "Watch your tone."
Mitchell stepped closer and anger flashed in his eyes. "What did you say?" He seethed between gritted teeth. "You want to fight me about my tone when you once again took my car and drove off despite..."
"Don't worry, I didn't crash your car this time. You can check, there's not even a scratch."
Mithell ground his teeth and glared at me in rage. "Do you think I care about the fucking car? Did you forget what happened the last time you drove? You haven't driven since and today, in an emotional state, you decided to race off! What if something happe-"
Mitchell frustratingly tugged at the roots of his hair. "Fuck Mila! There is a limit to being reckless!"
I stared at him unbothered even though my heart ached. "Is that all you wanted to say?"
Mitchell was furious but also scared. I noticed the shift in his stance, and it was then he remembered how he messed up.
"Mila, I..." He took a step closer.
I stepped back and put up my hand. "Save it."
"Just listen to me."
I looked him in the eye. "Did you sleep with her?"
"Mila..."
"Yes or no, Mitchell?" I raised my voice. "Did you have sex with her?"
Mitchell opened his mouth, closed it, and took in a breath. "I... I don't know."
Not what I wanted to hear.
I swallowed and lowered my gaze for a second. "Then there is nothing left to discuss." I handed him the car key I stole. "Take it and leave."
"Mila..." Mitchell looked at me helplessly.
"You've got what you wanted. We're done from my side too."
"I don't know what happened last night," Mitchell muttered. "I had one drink then Liza showed up unexpectedly at my door. I told her to leave and the next thing I know I woke up next to her in the morning with no recollection of the previous night."
Liza's name was the only thing I heard. It echoed in my ears over and over. I was taken back to Boston on a snowy night in December once again. Liza stood between us and just like then, my heart crumbled in front of Mitchell's eyes.
"Liza," I breathed. "You slept with Liza?"
It just dawned on Mitchell that I didn't know who was in his bed. If there was a word worse than betrayal, it was how I felt. It was surreal that after everything we'd been through, Liza was part of the equation again.
"I swear, I didn't touch her with a sound mind," Mitchell blurted. "Fuck, I don't even know if anything happened. I left without saying a word to her."
Just like when I started the car, the recollection of our fight before my accident flashed in my mind. Mitchell somehow always found his way back to Liza, kind of like how Carly found her way back to Mason while Dad was left with a broken heart.
My legs felt weak, and I had no energy left. What I felt was deeper than heartbreak and betrayal - I didn't think there was a word for it. Mitchell had done me wrong before as I did him, but this was the worst of all.
"Dad was right," I whispered under my breath. "He was right all along but I was too stubborn to listen."
"Mila, listen to me," Mitchell reached for me.
"No!" I flinched back. "Stay the hell away from me! Out of the many ways you could've hurt me, did you have to do the worst?"
Mitchell shook his head. "I told you. I don't know what happened."
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Were you high as well? On weed? Benzo's?"
"No, I only had one drink and that's it. Please believe me. I would never cheat on you."
"But it's not cheating because we're not together. You ended it, remember?" I ridiculed. "Technically you didn't cheat, and it isn't the first time you fucked someone else despite claiming to be in love with me!"
Mitchell lowered his eyes. "Whatever we are, I wouldn't do that to you."
"But you did," I looked at him with accusation. "It hasn't even been a month since you walked out on me and you already have someone else in your bed. Worst of all, your ex!"
"She used another name and came up to see me or I wouldn't have let her in. Mila, please belie-"
"I don't want to hear it," I was exhausted from fighting. "Whether or not you slept with her, the fact remains she was in your bed half naked, and I saw it with my own eyes."
Mitchell frustratingly raked his hands through his hair. "I don't know what happened last night and this fucking headache won't let me think!" He gripped my shoulders and stared desperately into my eyes. "I just need you to believe me and give me some time to prove my innocence."
His eyes looked so sincere and resembled the man I loved but I still couldn't get that morning's image out of my mind. "Dad said you'd only break my heart. He said the apple didn't fall far from the tree and in the end, no one chooses a Brinson. He was right and I've finally learned my lesson."
"Stop bringing up the past that has nothing to do with us!" Mitchell snapped. "This is about you and me... about us. Leave our parents out of it!"
"It's funny that you say it like that considering your past was half naked in bed with you not even an hour ago!" I shrugged him off.
"Milo, I need you to trust me until –"
"Trust?" I mocked. "How can I ever trust you again? How do you think I feel seeing you in bed with Liza? How can you stand there and expect me to understand after what I just saw?"
Tears stung my eyes. "That image was enough to get me to beat the PTSD of my accident and drive! I can't get it out of my mind!"
"I know it looks really bad but I'm telling you that it's possible nothing even happened. I promise I will get to the bottom of this."
"I don't care. I'm done, Mitchell. Whether you were intoxicated or whatever, if you had sex with Liza or anyone else so soon after dumping me, I don't want anything to do with you."
Mitchell gulped. "You don't mean that."
"I do. I'm not a saint and have messed up many times but never to this extent. I can't even look at you the same. Every time you try to touch me, I imagine those hands on her and it makes my skin crawl. You aren't my Bitchell anymore."
Mitchell took a step closer and tried to reach for me but watched how I stiffened and pulled back. "Don't do this... not when we don't know if anything even happened."
"Then until you prove yourself, leave me alone."
"I never wanted to hurt you," Mitchell softly said.
"You used to ask me why I never gave titles to relationships and never used the L word, it's because of this." I stared at him through tear-filled eyes. "I was protecting myself. I knew the more people I allowed into my life, the more disappointment and heartbreak I set myself up for. A life alone is sad, but a life shared always ends in grief."
"Don't say that. You've made so much progress from that girl, don't go back over one incident," Mitchell said.
"I was safer then," I admitted. "I took a risk and what you call progress only left me worse than I was. I allowed you into my life, I opened my heart and life to you. I trusted and loved you more than any living person and what did you do in the end? You broke my heart, more than once."
Mitchell shook his head. "It was never my intention. I'd never willingly hurt you."
"Yet you've done so multiple times and now it feels like you've done the worst."
"Milo..." Mitchell's voice was filled with guilt and possibly sadness.
"Don't call me that!" I snapped. "After what you did, Milo is dead. There isn't a Milo, Bitchell, or M&M anymore. All of that seems so pathetic now when you never loved me half as much as you claimed."
"That's not fair."
"You don't sleep with someone else, let alone an ex less than a month after you break up with someone you claimed to love more than anything!" I yelled. "This is the lowest you've ever stooped!"
"I didn't sle-" Mitchell cut himself short.
"You don't know that but deep down you know there is no other explanation for Liza being in your bed," I accused. "Whether you were intoxicated or not, they are still your actions, and I can't forgive you."
Tears rolled down my cheeks and it hurt more than anything to look at him but not see the man I loved. "All this time I hated Liza but now when I think about it, it wasn't her that I hated." I wiped away my tears. "I hated what she meant to you – what she was in your eyes. I hated that I would've never had the same place she did."
"I can't keep convincing you that she isn't anything to me anymore," Mitchell sighed.
"You don't have to. Your actions speak well on their own."
"You're not thinking straight and speaking whatever shit comes to your mind. You're hurt."
"I feel broken, Mitchell," I cried. "Switch positions for a second and tell me how you'd feel if you walked in on me in bed with someone else?"
Mitchell clenched his jaw and I knew the mere pseudo-image bothered him. He lowered his gaze for a second and huffed.
"I have nothing else to say," I stated. "Just go."
"I can't leave with things like this," Mitchell muttered. "I can't leave you like this."
"You walked away when I was in a worse state," I retorted bitterly. "At least this time I'm physically in one piece."
Mitchell looked at me, hurt. "That was cruel."
"Maybe I just want you to feel an inch of what I feel right now."
"Is that what we've turned into? Competing on who can hurt each other more? That's not us and you know it."
"There is no us!" I snapped. "Not anymore and maybe there never should have been. Clarke's and Brinson's are like oil and water, we don't mix and if forced, it ends in catastrophe."
I humorlessly laughed. "And somehow it's the Brinson that ends up hurt."
Mitchell's mouth opened and he stared at me in disbelief. I knew I was being cruel and awful to him, but I felt wounded, and Mitchell's presence felt like salt on those wounds.
"You're not yourself," he muttered to himself.
"On the contrary, I feel like the Mila I've known for a long time. I've finally woken up from the fairytale you painted me. I admit this reality hurts like a bitch but I'll survive. I always do."
"Mila, I –"
"Go Mitchell!" I couldn't take being around him anymore. "Leave and don't come back. I never want to see you again!"
I ran to the front door and opened it. "Leave."
Mitchell stared helplessly from across the room but didn't move. I wanted nothing more than to be alone and nothing he said or did would've fixed us.
"My grandparents didn't travel from Spain to spend the holidays without me. Please leave so I can spend time with the people who truly love me."
"I can't. Not like this."
"Go!" I yelled. "I'm begging you!"
Mitchell finally saw that his presence only made things worse so he nodded and with one final glance at the threshold, he left. I shut the door behind me, collapsed on the floor, and cried my heart out.
***
I somehow gathered my emotions, fixed my appearance, and decided to leave. Thankfully, Mitchell brought over my phone when he showed up, so I was able to book a cab. Due to bad service in the elevator, I was only able to open the app once I was in the lobby.
My phone buzzed as I walked out of the building and onto the street. I neared a corner and caught sight of the cab. I glanced at my phone buzzing again and it took only a second of lost focus when I heard a loud thud in my ears and a mere second after, a sharp pain spread from the back of my head.
My head throbbed and my eyes felt heavy. My vision blurred and I lost balance. I reached for something to hold onto but instead, someone grabbed me from the back and covered my mouth with a cloth that smelled somewhat like acetone. I wanted to fight back but my head hurt too much and within seconds, my eyes closed, and I slipped into an unconscious state.
A/N I know it looks really bad and many of you are probably mad at Mitch, Mila, or both. There's more to this story and more details will be revealed in the next chapter. Don't give up on them just as yet, we've got to sail some rough waters to reach paradise.
I'm going to try and update in a day or two.
Let me know your thoughts,
Till then,
Tina