It's not awkward at lunch the next day like Dahlia stayed up all night thinking it would be. They just talk about the show, and what they thinks gonna happen, and she gives her half of his brownie again. It was nice, and it leaves Dahlia excited for her to come over again tonight.
Dahlia gets home with a bag full of snacks: chips and salsa, pizza rolls, sodas, and a bag of Chex Mix. She's putting it all away, when Maddie comes through the kitchen and makes her way to the door.
"Are you going to get food or something? Because I already got some stuff at the store," Dahlia asks, turning to look at Maddie. But she notices she has a duffel bag in her hand.
"Didn't I tell you? I'm staying the night at mom's tonight," Maddie tells her with a shrug. "My grandpa's eighty-seventh birthday is tomorrow, so all my cousins are up here. They wanted me to stay over."
Dahlia feels instant dread wash over her at the fact that she's going to have to tell Jenna that Maddie's not gonna be there, and then she's not going to want to come, and now her entire Friday night is ruined.
"What's wrong?" Maddie asks, furrowing her eyebrows.
"Nothing, it's just...Jenna was supposed to come over tonight, but I think it'd be weird without you here," Dahlia sighs, pushing her fingers through her hair.
"Oh shit, Dahlia, I had no idea," Maddie tells her, shaking her head. "Do you want me to just stay?"
"What? No way," Dahlia laughs, before sighing and putting away the rest of the snacks in the fridge. "You should see your family. I guess I'll just text her and let her know. We can do it tomorrow I'm sure."
"Yeah?" Maddie asks, obviously feeling bad now.
"Yeah, don't worry about it," Dahlia laughs and hugs her, before saying, "Now go. You know how your mom gets when you're late."
"Yeah, you're right," Maddie nods and laughs too, before pulling her bag over her shoulder. "See you tomorrow."
"Have fun," Dahlia waves and smiles, as Maddie shuts the door and leaves.
As soon as she does, Dahlia puts her face in her hands and sighs. Not only did she want to see Maddie tonight, but it's now going to be extremely awkward to have to text her and tell her that oh yeah, Maddie's not going to be here to diffuse the awful awkwardness, so I guess you shouldn't come!
Jenna's probably on her way now too, so she has to come up with something fast. Dahlia grabs her phone and opens their text conversation up, before starting to type out hey, sorry to tell you this so close to time, but-
"I've had the stupid "wanna be on top?" theme song stuck in my head all goddamn day," Jenna walks in and laughs, throwing her back into the corner. Then she sees Dahlia frozen in place, then looks at the salsa on the countertop, then looks down at the salsa in her hands that she brought, then looks up at Dahlia. "I almost said "great minds think alike," but I think we both know that only one of us has said great mind. I guess we can eat straight from our own jars now without worrying about double dipping, though."
"I was just texting you about Maddie, actually," Dahlia forces a laugh, now having to tell her in person. "She's going to stay with her mom tonight."
"Yeah, I just passed her on the stairs," Jenna nods, walking over to the cabinet, opening it, and then grabbing their bag of chips. She doesn't seem bothered by the fact that it's just going to be them. "So are we gonna start this show or not?"
And so they do. Complete relief floods through Dahlia at her words, because she was terrified that she would get awkward, and then she would get awkward, and then she'd leave and they would be back at square one.
But now they're halfway through their second episode, and nothing feels weird or off at all. It feels like them again, and Dahlia even stops worrying long enough to forget that it ever was weird at all.
They actually end up doing that "just one more episode" thing about five times, but since it's a Friday night it's completely justified. They end up finishing off the season that night (well, morning now) and by the time it's over, it's almost five a.m.
Neither are even tired.
"I should go," Jenna stands up from the couch, brushing off the chip crumbs from her lap. "God, I can't feel my legs right now. Plus that stupid song is still stuck in my head."
"It's late," Dahlia tells her, standing up too. She doesn't want to ruin a perfect night with a could-be-taken-as-suggestive comment, but she also wants to be nice and give the option. "You could stay here if you wanted to. Just crash on the couch or whatever. If you wanted."
Since this night has been so fun and normal, Dahlia thinks she might actually say yes. But as soon as she asks it, the atmosphere changes, and she feels that awful sickness in her stomach like she knows she ruined everything again. And then there's another long silence again between them.
"I...don't think that would be best, Dahlia," Jenna tells her softly, trying not to hurt her feelings by it. "Sorry, but I should go."
"No, don't be sorry," Dahlia gulps and laughs, rubbing the back of her neck. "I totally understand."
"Okay," Jenna laughs a little too, taking in a long breath. "Okay, good."
But just like last night, Jenna doesn't move. She just looks at Dahlia, and she's looking at her, and it feels just like the first night they messed around; the night when they were so drunk they had stumbled back to their room. It's happening again, and she should have known it was inevitable to after she confessed her feelings. Their "normal" act could only be kept up for so long before they both remembered everything that happened, and her embarrassingly-personal-confession, too.
Dahlia parts her lips so she can breathe, and Jenna's still looking at her, and her hand is on the top of the couch right next to where her's is. The tension's there again. And although Dahlia tries so hard not to, her eyes involuntarily glance down to her lips, and there's that "it's five a.m. and everything feels romantic" vibe, and all she wants in the world right now is to kiss Jenna again.
"God, Dahlia," she breathes out a bitter laugh, before turning and making her way to the kitchen. "I thought there was an unspoken agreement between us. Or was I just imagining that?!"
"What unspoken agreement?" Dahlia follows her, switching the kitchen light on.
"The one where me messing with you about liking me is off limits forever now, and the one where...where you can't look at me like that," Jenna huffs, pressing her hands flat on the table and taking in a deep breath.
"I don't know what look you're talking about, but-"
"The look where you want to kiss me, Dahlia," Jenna gulps, turning to look up at her. "I've seen it a hundred times-I know what it looks like."
"I'm sorry," Dahlia confesses, shaking her head and running her fingers through her hair anxiously. "I'm so sorry. I promise you I'm trying really hard not to, okay? All of this has just has been difficult, and...I'm trying."
"I know that, Dahlia, but if this friendship thing is ever going to work, you just...you can't," Jenna breathes out, her hands shaking at her sides now. "You just can't."
"I won't anymore," Dahlia nods, desperately trying to assure her. "I'll try harder, and I won't."
"God, Dahlia," she says again, now pacing the kitchen. Dahlia feels awful, and she has no idea what to do to help.
"It won't happen again," Dahlia gulps, following behind her like a sad, pitiful puppy. "Let's just start this over again, okay? The rest of the night was great-let's just...go to sleep and forget this part. And-"
Suddenly Jenna turns around in front of her out of nowhere, before grabbing Dahlia's face and kissing her deeply. It was sudden, and her lips are firm against her's like she needed it, and she's so taken back that she can hardly even enjoy it while it lasts-which isn't long. Dahlia looks at her for a moment in shock after they part, before turning the other way and pushing her hair back with her palm.
"You can't do that to me if you don't mean it," Dahlia gulps, shaking her head. "You can't."
Jenna never means it, either. She told Dahlia herself that them having sex meant nothing to her, so the fact that she's doing this to her now, after knowing how much it hurts her...it hurts even worse. And although Dahlia wanted to salvage at least their friendship, she doesn't even know if she can do that after this.
"I'm gonna go," Jenna replies as she hurriedly walks to the door, grabs her bag, and then leaves.
Dahlia feels slightly lightheaded, so she presses her hand against the table for support, and closes her eyes and gasps for air. This can't be happening. It can't be-it has to be some awful, horrible nightmare she hasn't woken up from yet.
Dahlia hasn't even caught her breath yet when she hears three soft knocks on the door. Dahlia already knows it's Jenna and she doesn't even want to answer it. She's probably going to say she's sorry, and she's going to have to pretend it's okay when it's not. It's not at all.
"Dahlia," Jenna gulps as Dahlia opens the door, and Jenna's eyes are filled with tears and her hands are clasped at her sides, and her bag is on the floor next to her feet. And she opens her mouth to say something, and she hesitates for a moment, before whispering: "I meant it."
"What?" Dahlia asks, searching her face desperately for answers.
"I meant the kiss, and I meant every other kiss on the trip, and I meant the sex," Jenna tells her in a shaky breath, and Dahlia knows she's scared. Terrified. "I meant all of it."
"Jenna..." Dahlia looks at her with wide eyes, trying to process all of this at once.
"I have feelings for you, Dahlia," Jenna tells her quietly, and she's crying, and Dahlia's heart is breaking watching her like this even though what she's saying is good. Dahlia knows how hard it must be for her, but she's doing it anyway despite that. "I do, and I think I have for a while, but I was scared. Because I've been with guys, I've been with girls, but you were right-I only did it to fill some stupid, awful emotional void that I thought my mom and my family left me with. But none of it meant anything-not ever. Not until it was all with you. And it terrified me, and it terrifies me now, and I thought that if I stayed away from you, I'd feel better and I wouldn't be scared anymore. But it got worse, and I haven't been sleeping, and it only got better when I started seeing you again, and talking to you again."
Dahlia doesn't know what to say, so she just wraps her arms around Jenna and pulls her into a hug. Jenna puts her arms around her too, and sobs into Dahlia's chest.
"I'm scared," she cries, and Dahlia squeezes her tighter. "I'm really scared, Dahlia."
"I know," Dahlia gulps and lays her cheek against her head, trying to comfort her. "It's okay, we'll figure it all out. I promise we will."
Jenna pulls back from the hug then, and her eyes are swollen, but she's smiling a little. And then she pulls Dahlia forward and kisses her, and then they press their foreheads together and laugh breathlessly.
"I love you, Jenna," Dahlia whispers, gulping as she says it out loud again.
"It...it might take me a while to be able to say it," Jenna tells her quietly, and she just kisses her again.
"I know," Dahlia nods, using her thumbs to wipe the tears from her cheek. "I know, and that's okay."