Ater seeing The Bad Guys short: Maraschino Ruby last June, I decided to rewrite this with my OC as well.
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Intro
Mr. Wolf: Yeah! I'm bad!
Mr. Snake: You're bad!
Ms. Tarantula: He's bad!
Mr. Hornet: She's bad!
Mr. Piranha: We're bad!
Mr. Shark: Who's bad?
The Bad Guys: Yeah!
We're the Bad Guys!
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Wolf and Snake were walking out of a convenience store, while Wolf was looking at a news article that was displayed in the front of the paper. The image was of a beautiful red, shiny ruby held on a little pedestal, and above the picture was a title that said, "Maraschino Ruby On Display At The Museum."
While looking at the newspaper over Wolf's shoulder, Snake commented, "Come on, Wolf. It's too dangerous. Why would we steal the Maraschino Ruby? I thought we had a clean slate."
Wolf pointed out to a side article that had a picture of the chief, who had a smug smile, while on top was the sentence, "The ruby is safe from those stupid, lame, and stupid Bad Guys" while saying, "Look at what the chief said about us. The ruby is safe from those stupid, lame, and stupid Bad Guys'?"
Snake was surprised, and said, "Woah! Two stupids?"
As they both entered the car, where Shark, Tarantula, Piranha, and Hornet were already sitting in, Snake replied, "Okay, I'm in," he took put a red Push Pop and started to lick it.
Wolf noticed the frozen treat and asked, "Hey, did you pay for that Push Pop?"
"What? You want to see a receipt," Snake replied, defending himself.
On cue, a huge group of police cars arrived, surrounding the Bad Guys, while an officer shouted through a megaphone, "Freeze!"
Wolf turned on the car engine and said, "Let's do this," he drove the car off somewhere, with his name showing up right next to him.
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Wolf began to explain the plan, saying, "Okay; first, to get to the ruby, we're gonna need disguises."
A scene showed Shark, who was dressed up as an officer, talking to two police officers, who ran off, while he smiled and winked at the fourth wall, with his name showing up next to him.
"I got this," replied Shark.
"Next, we need to keep an eye on the area if it's safe," Wolf suggested.
Another scene showed Hornet clinging on the ceiling, using his helmet at the HUD effect to spot intruders and interference, with his name next to him.
"All clear," stated Hornet.
Wolf then addressed, "Then, break our way in."
A new scene showed a huge metal door, where Piranha, dressed in his black bodysuit, easily broke in with three mighty kicks, breaking the chains, and making a way in, while his name appeared beside him.
"Blammo," Piranha exclaimed excitedly.
"Hack the security system," Wolf instructed.
A new scene showed Tarantula, in her black bodysuit, as she typed on her laptop before pressing a button that made all the lasers around her disappear, as her name showed up next to her.
"Done and done," Tarantula answered.
"Crack the lock," Wolf added.
A new scene showed Snake, in his black bodysuit, using his tail to turn a knob that unlocked th case where the ruby was held, as his name appeared next to him.
"Hands-free!" Snake said.
"And then finally..." while a scene showed Wolf, in shadow form, about to grab the red, shiny ruby, when a flashlight shined on him, courtesy of the police chief.
Seeing that she had caught Wolf, or so she thought, Chief Luggins chuckled, "Aha! Gotcha! I knew you couldn't resist after calling ya stupid twice, ya-,"
Suddenly, she took a closer look and saw that away from the shadow, with the light on him, she hadn't caught Wolf. In fact, it wasn't even Wolf who was holding the ruby, but it was another male police officer, one she knew, as she commented, "Officer Bob? What are you doing here?"
Officer Bob showed her the newspaper again while answering, "The city news report the Maraschino Ruby is possibly fake. And it does seem like it's made of.." he sniffed the ruby and added, "Candy," he even licked it to see if he was right. And he was, as it tasted sweet, just like candy.
Chief Luggins approached him, and explained, "Well, of course it is. I made it myself. The real one is with me at all times," she held the real ruby, placing it back in her pocket, answering, "This is all an elaborate plot to catch the Bad Guys!"
Officer Bob then commented as he placed the fake ruby back on the pedestal, "I thought they'd gone good, but it turns out that they were arrested earlier today."
"What?" the chief exclaimed, shocked to hear this.
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Just to see if he was right, she zoomed all the way, in her police car, to the police station to see for herself. And in the interrogation room, what did she see? Wolf, Snake, Tarantula, Piranha, and Hornet, who waved his hand at her, sitting there, at the table, handcuffed.
Wolf, seeing the chief, showed her the newspaper and pointed to the quote she stated, saying, "That's two stupids too many, chief."
The police chief couldn't believe it, asking in shock, "I-I can't believe my eyes! How?!"
Officer Bob answered while looking at a clipboard with a report on them, "They were taken in this morning for stealing a... a Push Pop."
Snake replied, "Allegedly," he licked the Push Pop he had before he placed it back down, realizing it was a bad time.
The chief felt so elated, "Haha! A crime is a crime, and you are guilty! Even if it's just for a minor legal infraction, case closed! I win! And you-,"
Suddenly, on cue, Shark, who was dressed in a brown business suit, wearing glasses and a fake mustache, and was carrying a briefcase, came in, under the disguise of a lawyer, and spoke in an accent, addressing, "Attention! Jude Larson! Attorney at law! And I am outraged! OUTRAGED! To see my poor frightened clients being interrogated without their lawyer present, which I am!"
Shark opened the briefcase and pulled out a receipt, showing it to the chief, "Exhibit A: a receipt of 79 cents, thus proving that they are entirely innocent!"
The chief looked at the receipt, shocked in disbelief that the Bad Guys were...innocent!
Shark, keeping his lawyer alter ego, then stated, "Furthermore, planting a fake ruby for them to steal is called entrapment, which is an illegal crime! Officer, arrest this officer," he pushed Officer Bob to arrest the police chief.
The chief couldn't believe this, "What?! That is ridiculous-,"
But then, seeing Officer Bob put the handcuffs on her, she realized that this truly was happening, "Is that–?"
"It's true, sorry. Major legal infraction," Officer Bob explained.
Chief Luggins panicked, almost not being able to comprehend this; she couldn't get arrested!? She was the police CHIEF for crime's sake!
Then, Wolf stepped in, while still handcuffed, as he dialed the phone while saying, "Hold on, chief. We won't press charges if...you'd like to retract a certain statement."
The chief saw him place the phone next to her, and the minute she heard someone on the other line say, "City News. Can I help you?"
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The next day, a brand new newspaper arrived at the front steps of the police station, which Officer Bob picked up and brought inside the station.
In her office, the chief was sobbing in defeat, upset that the Bad guys had once again slipped from her grip, and she couldn't get to enjoy arresting them again, saying mid-cry, "I almost had them!"
Officer Bob tried to reassure her by saying, "There, there, chief. On the bright side, the real Maraschino Ruby has been returned to the museum."
He even showed her the newspaper article to make his point.
The chief was surprised to hear this, as she didn't remember returning the ruby to the museum at all! She grabbed the paper, looking at the article, and stammered, " Wait...bu-but I-I didn't return the real-," Suddenly, she gasped, thinking the one thought she didn't even want to think: did the Bad Guys...do this?!
She frantically fished through her pocket while saying, "No, no, no, no, no," and once she pulled her hand out, to her horror, she wasn't holding the real ruby, but instead, she had a red, frozen, Push Pop.
She flashbacked to what happened yesterday, and the realization came to her like that!
*flashback*
What happened was that, at the museum, where Chief Luggins and Officer Bob were talking, Hornet was clinging to the ceiling where it was too dark, and he was hardly seen by the two cops. He used his HUD effect on his helmet to zoom in to see and hear them clearly while recorded the conversation
"The real one is with me at all times. This is all an elaborate plot to catch the Bad Guys!"
"I thought they'd gone good, but it turns out that they were arrested earlier today."
"What?!"
On that cue, before Chief Luggins and Officer Bob rushed to leave the museum, Hornet speedily flew out of the museum to head straight to the police station before the chief arrived.
At the interrogation room, while waiting, Hornet flew through the vents, and landed on the table.
Hornet took off his helmet, saying, "Guys, I think our favorite chief wants to play dirty with us," before turning on his helmet, showing a large hologram of his recordings for his friends to see what the chief was plotting.
After that, while Chief Luggins was talking to the City News, Wolf pickpocketed her, placing the frozen treat in her pocket and taking out the real ruby.
Then, the Bad Guys performed their big heist, and swapped the candy ruby, which was back at the museum, with the real one, so it was safe and sound.
*End of Flashback*
The chief was once again taken aback: twice they outsmarted her... again!
Officer Bob commented with a smile, "I guess they're not so bad after al-,"
But before he could finish his statement, the chief was so angry, her face was red as she broke the Push Pop in half while exclaiming through gritted teeth, "Don't even say it!"
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Back at the same convenience store, Wolf was reading the new newspaper to Snake, saying as they walked out of the store and into the car, "Lookie here! The ruby is safe from these 'not so stupid' Bad Guys."
As they were in the car with the rest of the team, Wolf pulled out the fake ruby, saying, "It was surprisingly easy."
Snake picked it up with his tail, answering back, "Like taking candy from a large and very angry baby," before eating the candy ruby in one gulp, while Wolf drove off, with his whole team in tow, back home.
"I rest my case," Shark declared happily, with the Bad Guys laughing in response.
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Credits:
Sam Rockwell - Mr. Wolf
Marc Maron - Mr. Snake
Craig Robinson - Mr. Shark
Anthony Ramos - Mr. Piranha
Awkwafina - Ms. Tarantula
Rhenzy Feliz - Mr. Hornet
Alex Borstein - Chief Misty Luggins
Orlando Duenas - Officer Bob
Angie Howard - Phone Operator
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Author
I.M. Rally
Co-Author
MasterClass60
TU4QU0I53T4IAN6L3
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Special Thanks to Masterclass60 for helping me, and to TU4QU0I53T4IAN6L3 too for helping me make coming up with an idea of Mr. Hornet's role in this short.
Hope you like this version of the short. See you real soon.