Three nervous knocks on the door let me know that Leah had arrived. I pushed my phone into my pocket, collected my keys, and fixed my hair in the mirror before opening the front door. Leah was standing in the doorway, smiling as she looked directly into my eyes.
"Hi, Soph. You look perfect."
"So do you, always."
"You ready?"
"For what?" I smirked.
"Nice try; still not telling you, though."
"Fineeee. I'm ready." I chuckled, feeling her shaky hand wrap around my waist as we headed for the car.
The drive there was filled with talk about our day, the two of us just happy to be in one another's company. It felt strange not reaching over to take her hand; both of us fidgeted about as we tried to avoid the urge.
"Topgolf." Leah chuckled to herself as we arrived.
"I'm so shit at golf, Leah." I placed my head in my hands.
"I know. I'm going to teach you."
I giggled as we got out of the car, Leah waiting for me to join her with that sparkle in her eye that told me she had put a lot of thought into picking this activity, I would later find out why. We headed for our bay, Leah taking time to pick out her club and poking fun at the height difference between us, as she often did. She gave me instructions, knowing I wasn't taking any of them in and instead was admiring her as she eloquently took her first swing.
"Still got it." She playfully stuck her tongue out at me.
"God, you are so cocky!" I chuckled—a proper belly laugh.
"Your turn." She smiled, passing me a club.
"Here goes nothing."
I stepped up to take my first go, failing miserably as I attempted to make all my movements at once. Leah was cheering me on from her seat, but I couldn't actually hit anything half-decent.
"I really am terrible, aren't I?" I beamed at her.
"You just need to practise." She smiled.
Leah took another turn, making another perfect hit and leaning on her club as she pretended to search into the distance. There was something about this, despite how awful I was at it, that left all of our problems at the door of this venue. We weren't the couple who were trying to rebuild our relationship; we were just Sophie and Leah, the two people who had found one another in life against all odds.
"How do you make that look so easy?" I shook my head in disbelief.
"C'mere." Leah smiled.
I picked up my club and walked towards Leah as she motioned with her head for me to take my position. She stood behind me, her body directly against mine, and her breath on my neck caused an outbreak of goosebumps. She placed her hands on top of mine, moving them to the correct position on the club, then placed her hands on my waist to improve my stance. I turned my head to look into her eyes, seeing nothing but adoration in them. This was her reasoning for Topgolf.
"Try it." She smiled, stepping backward to give me a chance.
I swung back, taking my go, and saw my score on the screen. Leah cheered loudly, grinning from ear to ear at me as she giggled lightly at my shocked face.
"I'm a pro." I said, widening my eyes to annoy her.
"Who's cocky now?" She rolled her eyes.
We spent the next hour taking turns whacking shots, some good and some bad. Once our time was up, we gathered our things and headed back to the car. As usual, Leah directed all the heat vents towards me, despite the fact that she was also shivering.
"I had a really good time tonight, Le." I smiled.
"Who said it's over?"
"It isn't?"
"Not yet."
We drove towards the forest again; I could recognise this place from a mile out. Leah pulled in just before we got there, sending a text from her phone and letting me know that it was needed for the next part to work. What's the next part? We walked through the trails again, Leah knowing exactly which way we needed to go, mesmerising me as we ended up in the same place she had told me about her vulnerability.
"Hey Dad." Leah smiled.
"Leah, Sophie." He smiled at us both.
"Hi." I said softly, unsure what her parents thought of me after leaving her and completely unsure as to why her dad was here.
"You ready?"
"Yeah, thanks, Dad."
What is going on?
Leah led me towards a little motorboat, with her dad switching on the engine as we made the two-minute sail to the island Leah had once been trapped on. As we stepped off, Leah placed her hand out to me, allowing me to steady myself to ensure I didn't fall in.
"Text me 15 minutes before you're ready to come back."
"Thanks Dad." Leah smiled as he headed into the distance.
"I thought you hated it here?" I questioned.
"It'll make sense soon, I promise."
As we walked towards the centre, I could see that someone had already been here. There were candles, snacks, and blankets laid out, alongside a little Bluetooth speaker that was playing a host of my favourite gentle songs. I could almost feel my heartbeat in every part of my body as I watched Leah plump up one of the cushions for me and gesture for me to sit down.
"This is beautiful, Le."
"Only the best for you, Soph." Leah whispered as she placed herself on the cushion next to me.
"Why here?"
"I felt vulnerable here, more vulnerable than I had ever been. I still do. I felt vulnerable with you too; it scared me. It scared me to the point that I watched my relationship crumble in front of my eyes because I was too afraid of allowing myself to feel that feeling and embrace it. When you left, I felt broken. I felt like - well, vulnerable. I keep saying that word. Sorry. I had this all planned in my head, and now I'm completely fucking it up." Leah began to get flustered.
I moved my hand from under the blanket, holding it out for Leah to take. She looked at it, then up to my eyes, almost as if she were asking if that was definitely what I was meaning. I clenched my first open and shut, letting her know that it was what I wanted, and watched as her hand slowly made its way into mine. She sighed with relief as I closed my fingers around hers, stroking her thumb with my own.
"Breathe, Le. I'm here. I just want to know what's in your head; it doesn't have to come out perfectly." I said softly.
"I want it to be perfect, though. You deserve perfection." She sighed.
"This feels perfect. I promise."
With a gentle squeeze of my hand, Leah began her truth again, my ears taking in every word of an explanation I had waited so long to hear.
"What I was trying to say was that I thought of you as someone that I could be vulnerable around, someone that would love me no matter what I was feeling, doing, or thinking. I brought you here because it was the one place I swore I would never tell anyone about, a place that I had promised to lock away in my brain. It wasn't the big moments that have impacted everyone else—it was a stupid childhood bully, and I was completely fine, physically, after. But for years, it's been in my head—that feeling that I felt in that moment, alone and scared. I trusted them completely, and since then I haven't trusted anyone completely. I haven't allowed myself to, apart from my family, obviously. Then I met you, and you gave me no reason not to trust you. Even when we separated over the job, you stayed loyal to me in the hope that we would find each other again. Do you know how much I'd dreamed of having someone like that? How much I thought I would never find someone like that? And what did I do? I threw it away because I was too afraid. You said you wanted a baby of our own, and I was so afraid to get my hopes up that I palmed you off and said I liked it just being us. The truth is, sometimes when we're around Liv together, I imagine that that's our life. I watch you singing with her, dancing with her, and making her laugh, and I wonder if that's what you'll be like with our children. I got frightened, so I told Holly that I was leaving you. She tried to list all of the things that you'd done for me, so I got upset. Not because I was only realising, but because I already knew. I already knew that you had been perfect; I knew that you had never allowed me to feel unimportant, but I wanted her to tell me that I should leave. Then I saw you talking to her, and I knew you were probably telling her that you knew something was up with me. I kissed you at midnight and held you closer than ever because I truly believed that the following year you would be sharing that moment with someone else. You said that I didn't feel like you deserved the truth, but that wasn't the case. It was that I wanted you to hate me and feel like I was the worst person in the world because I knew that was the only way you'd move on. Then, when you left, I just wanted you home. Every part of my body felt weak; my head felt so full of negativity; and my heart ached in my chest with every breath I took without you by my side. I've talked way more than I meant to; what I was trying to say was that I couldn't work out a way to make you believe that I was willing to be vulnerable for real this time. So I've brought you to the place that made me promise to never be vulnerable again, onto the island that I was once terrified of being vulnerable on. For you, Soph. And I know you want to take it slow; I respect that. I want you to know that I will wait for you for the rest of my life. Only you. Just you."
Leah exhaled deeply, letting me know her speech was finished. She closed her eyes for a few seconds to help her control the overwhelming freedom she felt as her mind became less cloudy. There were so many things I could've said and so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn't stop thinking about her lips on mine. I couldn't believe that she had been brave enough to risk being rejected twice in this place that had clearly caused her so much pain. So rather than a speech, I gave her a few simple words.
"Kiss me then." I whispered.
"Really?" Leah's voice broke as she asked.
I pulled her gently towards me with my hand that was interlocked with hers, my hand finding her cheek and my mouth struggling to hide the grin that I wanted to allow. I felt Leah's shaky breath as our lips touched, her left hand resting on my cheek while her right found its place on my back. It was slow, both of us savouring the moment for as long as we could without feeling the need to rush.
"I couldn't wait any longer, sorry." I chuckled as I referenced telling her to kiss me, only to kiss her.
"Can I say it?" Leah's eyes began to fill with tears.
"Yes." I swallowed, knowing my heart was about to increase in size.
Leah brought her other hand up to my face, my eyes feeling like they were magnetically connected to hers as a few single tears fell down her cheeks.
"I love you, Sophie." She whispered.
"I love you, Leah. Always." I whispered as I used my thumbs to wipe her tears.
We spoke of what tonight had meant, both agreeing that we would continue to go on dates for a while. Not because we didn't feel the same love or because we didn't want to live together anymore, but simply because we both wanted to relive those first few dates all over again. Relive the beginning of our forever.