- Taylors Pov -
This school is exhausting, but also so much fun. I've only been here a few weeks, but I'm already hooked on what we are learning. Any doubts about if this is the right place for me is thrown out the window. I think I was meant to be here.
I step out of the elevator on joes' floor, but I'm meet with harry who is leaning against the wall and looking straight at me. «Hi» I say politely. I'm really trying to be friends with him, but it's hard when I know he wants more from me, more that I can't give him. We can't go back to what we were before, it's not happening. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to see him pining for me.
«Hi Taylor. Go out with me» he says going straight to the point. «No harry, we have talked about this, it's a no. we are friends, we can't date again» especially because I really like his roommate and he give me butterflies when he is around me. Harry used to give me those too, but he doesn't anymore.
«Please give me a chance Taylor, we could be good together again» he tries but I shake my head. «No and please stop asking. I don't want to hurt you, but the answer is no and will always be no. we are not getting back together, or even going out on a date»
After turning him down I head straight into the practice room where I wait for Joe. I did bring my guitar with me because I'm better at the guitar than the piano. I'm really excited for this project, especially working with Joe. Hopefully we can make something really good together, but I'm nervous people are going to hate it. Its vulnerable to put us out there like that, but it's part of the journey here.
«Because I, dropped your hand while dancing» I mumble and play with a few cords. I don't have anything more, but it fits my situation with harry. He wants to hold onto me, but I can't be with him, and I don't want to be with him. Maybe a part of me was curious that being here might set sparks into our relationship, but it's done the opposite. I know that we aren't meant to be together, he will find someone that fits with him better than I ever could. And when he does, I will be there with him as his friend, because if he will let me, I don't want to lose that. We were so close once upon a time, and I don't want to let that go.
The door opens and Joe walks in with that goofy smile that makes my insides warm. Whenever he enters a room it's like I light up in excitement, I'm always on alert to see him. Why I'm like this I don't know, and it scares me. «There is an angry harry in the hallway» he says, and I nod.
«Yeah, he doesn't want to accept that we won't get back together, like ever. I've tried to tell him over and over again, but I don't want to hurt his feelings either and tell him that I don't have romantic feelings for him at all anymore. And even worse, that I wanted to break up with him for a while because I knew there wouldn't be a future between us like that, but I didn't because I didn't want to hurt him» going on a rant to the boy I have a crush on about my ex isn't exactly what I planned to do, but sometimes I can't stop myself.
«He will get it eventually, just give it time. And if he doesn't it's not your fault. You can't spend your life feeling bad about it because it's not on you anymore. You have made yourself crystal clear, and it's up to him what he does with that information» he says, and I didn't expect him to have anything to say about it at all. I don't know how close they are, but they are roommates. but I do appreciate it, someone who seems to understand my rambling.
- joes Pov -
It sucks to know how badly harry wants her back when I want her too. Whenever she enters a room, I light up and can't keep my eyes off her. seeing her has become one of my favorite parts of the day. Sometimes I catch myself itching to touch her, tuck her hair behind her ear, hold her hand or kiss her. Even something as small as laying my hand on her arm has me going insane. It's like a magnet pulling me to her and I don't know what to do with it.
She seems to be over harry, but I don't want to be a rebound either. So I'm nervous to make a move as I don't want to be the guy she uses to get over someone else.
«You seem like you're over him. Are you?» I ask before I can think it through. She looks up at me and nod «I am and have been for a while. In the beginning I thought was in love with him, but over time I realize that we took something beautiful and complicated it. I wanted out but I didn't want to lose my friend, so I kept going. God it makes me sound like a horrible person, but it's true. I think I was more in love with the idea of being in love than with him specifically» she says and turn away from me and strum her guitar.
Fuck yeah, she is saying she is over him. Maybe there could be something, at least a chance to take her out sometime? But I don't want to lose the friendship we have started either. I don't want the situation to be like it was with harry, that she regrets it down the line. And if the date is horrible things will forever be awkward between us, and I don't want to risk it. If I had known what she feels about me, it would be easier.
«I don't think you're a horrible person. It sounds like you have spent time reflecting it and figuring out what you want» it shows maturity that she is able to put those feelings into words in that way. It doesn't sound like something she just came up with, it sounds like it's been reflected on for a while.
«What do you say about getting out of here right now? We could go on a walk or something?» I ask and she eyes me carefully before she nods. «Sure, just let me grab my coat and put away my guitar first»
I will call this two friends hanging out, it can't be a date. It's no harm just hanging out right? I think so. Asking her on a date is a big deal, but this can be just two people hanging out and getting to know one another better.
- Taylors Pov -
We make out way out of the building and onto the streets of New York. I love the sound of the busy city and the crowds of people everywhere. All day and all night this city is alive. It's called the city that never sleeps for a reason.
When Joe asked to head out, I was both excited and nervous. It's not a date, it can't be, but there is no harm in two friends hanging out right? It doesn't have to be more complicated than that.
«Do you mind if we go to the bookstore? We could take the subway there. It's the biggest bookstore in the city and I've been dying to head there. It's called strand bookstore» he suggests, and I light up «yes! I love to read, and I've been dying to go there again» I can't contain my excitement, I love to read and Strand bookstore is probably my favorite bookstore.
«Did you know strand bookstore has over 2,4 million books? It's insane. I love it there. I can show you around. What kind of books do you like?» I ask as we head down to the subway. We both have subway passes because it makes it easier to get around the city. Sure I could afford to take cabs, but it's more fun taking the subway like other New Yorkers. It's like a whole world underneath the city.
«That's really cool, I didn't know that. And I like mystery, trillers, but also sometimes a contemporary book or a classic. I will admit that I even enjoy a romance if it's a good one» he says, and I nod. «I love romance, new adult romance to be specific. and I also enjoy dark romance from time to time if it's a good one. I've been dying to pick up the new Ana Huang book, but I haven't made my way to a bookstore yet»
Sure I could pick up «king of wrath» on my kindle, but I love her so much, so I want a physical copy. I have physical copies of all her books and I'm in love with her writing. And they are spicy too which is fun. Her last book, «Twisted lie» I finished in a day. Once I picked it up, I just couldn't put it down.
«I have a kindle, but I love to hold a book in my hand too. At home I have tons of books in my room. My parents had a whole wall of bookcases made for me because I read so much» my kindle is amazing here at school because I couldn't bring all my books, but it's good to have some paperbacks or hardbacks here too. And I will admit I even have both a physical and digital version of several books.
«I do both kindle and paperbacks too. I.... I've spent a lot of time away from home, so it's been easier to bring a kindle instead of physical books» he says, and I nod, I get that. When I've been in the hospital, I've used my kindle, so I didn't need to bring a ton of physical books. I've always been a fast reader so I would have had a room filled with books In the eating disorder unit if I didn't have a kindle. I actually got my first kindle in my first admission to the hospital for my eating disorder when I was 12 years old.
«I get that, did the same thing» I say before I think of what I'm saying. But thankfully he doesn't ask me to elaborate, just like I didn't ask him. If he wanted to tell me why he wasn't at home he would, and I'm not going to push him. we are all entitled to keep stuff for us selves, I wholeheartedly believe that.
We get to the right stop and head into the store. «Let's head to the new adult section then. There are some trillers and mysteries there too I think» he says so we head upstairs to the right section. I've been here so many times that I know exactly where we need to go. Every time we come to New York I beg my parents to come here, and I can get lost for hours if they let me. They learned quickly that if we are going to this store, they need to set a time limit for me, or we would spend the whole day here. Usually they give me an hour and tell me how much money I can use to pick out some books.
The book I'm looking for is on display right as we enter the right section, so I grab one. «Can I read the back?» He asks and I nod giving the book to him.
But instead of reading it for himself he starts reading it out loud.
«She's the wife he never wanted...and the weakness he never saw coming.
Ruthless. Meticulous. Arrogant.
Dante Russo thrives on control, both personally and professionally.
The billionaire CEO never planned to marry—
until the threat of blackmail forces him into an engagement with a woman he barely knows.
Vivian Lau, jewelry heiress and daughter of his newest enemy.
It doesn't matter how beautiful or charming she is. He'll do everything in his power to destroy the evidence and their betrothal.
There's only one problem: now that he has her...he can't bring himself to let her go.
Elegant. Ambitious. Well-mannered.
Vivian Lau is the perfect daughter and her family's ticket into the highest echelons of high society.
Marrying a blue-blooded Russo means opening doors that would otherwise remain closed to her new-money family.
While the rude, elusive Dante isn't her idea of a dream partner, she agrees to their arranged marriage out of duty.
Craving his touch was never part of the plan.
Neither was the worst thing she could possibly do: fall in love with her future husband.
King of Wrath is a steamy billionaire/arranged marriage romance. It contains explicit sexual content, profanity, and mild violence. Recommended for mature readers only.»
«Sexual content? Is it 50 shades of gray level?» He says and grin at me and I smack his arm «there is pretty much smut in most new adult books. and does that mean you've read 50 shades?»
«I haven't read it no, but I watched the movie one time because I was curious about what the hype was. Didn't like it though, the whole submissive thing isn't my style» he shrugs. The fact that we are even talking slightly about sex right now makes me blush. He is gorgeous, I'm sure he has had a lot of sex. Me however? I've had it a few times with harry and it wasn't spectacular. But I think my books give me too high expectations about what a good sex life is.
«Is it good though? Or is the content cheesy in these books? Because not every book can be the BDSM shit. There has to be some lovemaking or something in these books, right?» He asks and I nod. «There is some praise stuff, but I don't like it when the plot of the book is the submissive stuff either. I think that's why I DNF'ed 50 shades because I couldn't read it. I wasn't even supposed to read it, but I too wanted to know what the hype was, so I stole it from my mom's book collection»
I was young when I stole that book from my mom, but I quickly put it back because it was just too much for me. At the time I read young adult books anyway so there wasn't on screen sex in the books I read.
**
After a few hours in the bookstore we end up with a few books each and head across the street to a Starbucks. we find a table to sit and use the mobile app to order our drinks. I get a skinny latte and anxiously count the calories. I guess I will just eat a little less the rest of the day so I can make up for it.
When they call our orders, Joe gets them for us before we start enjoying our drinks. Spending a few hours with him alone has been a lot of fun. We have more in common than I thought, and I want to know more about him. But I also don't want our friends to know that we went out on our own, because I don't want to add drama. We will only just be friends anyway, there is no way someone like him could ever want me, but I still don't want harry to know. If he knew he would make a big deal out if it and I don't want to deal with that.
«We need to do this again, it was fun» he says, and I can't help but match his grin «it was. Who knew we had more in common than music» we already knew we had music in common, but I'm really excited that there are more things we could talk about than just playing instruments and planning the songs we are writing together. I love what I do when it comes to music, but it's nice to not do it 24/7. My therapist always reminded me that it's important to have other interest and spend time doing other things.
«I'm up for that, you're good company Joe»
«You're good company too Taylor, really good»
***
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