Four months later...
"And so I just left; I just said I've had enough of this, and I left."
"And that was when?"
"27th February."
"And he died in June?"
"Yes. Obviously, if he'd spoken to me about being ill, I wouldn't have left. He didn't, though, and they can't understand that."
Louise Humphries. The woman who changed my perspective.
"And he didn't do that?"
"No. He was being odd, really odd."
"What do you mean by that?"
"He didn't speak to me about things; he just shut me out completely. Now I know that was because he was frightened, and maybe I should've been more aware of that, but I just left." She sighed.
"We can't be responsible for other people all of the time, Mrs. Humphries. Sometimes we have to protect ourselves."
"I know. I just wish I had tried a little harder; now I'll never get to try again."
Louise had been married to Harry for 12 years before his unexpected death at just 57 years old. Harry's children from a previous marriage were now attempting to ensure she didn't get any of his money, which I don't think she even really cared about; she just wanted her place as his wife to be secured. When she spoke of Harry, her eyes would brighten, darkening only when she spoke of her decision to leave him after months of strange behaviour led her to believe he was no longer in love with her. Her situation reminded me of mine and Leah's; I left that day because, in that moment, I believed Leah had met someone else, if I had known that she hadn't, I may have stayed to try to fix things. The truth is, by the time I had travelled home and shown my family the heartbreak that she had caused me, I felt it was too late to go back, no matter how much I wanted to.
Mrs. Humphries left her case in my hands as she waltzed out the door, her grip on her file reminding me of the grip I had on my engagement ring every night before I fell asleep—something small that links us to that person we thought we'd never be without. It had been five months without Leah, five months since I had told her I loved her or climbed into bed beside her on the days when things felt too much. I wasn't sure if she had moved on, ignoring the social media rumours surrounding her relationships with teammates. I pulled out my phone, my emotions taking over as I clicked into our text chain that I kept promising myself to delete. Rereading the last message I had received from her, a full two months ago to the day.
Leah
I know you hate me, and I don't blame you. I just wanted you to know how much I miss you and how much I miss doing life with you. I hope you're happy, Soph. Whatever you're doing now. I won't text again.
I sighed loudly as I read it, attracting the attention of my new coworker, Jasmine.
"You ok, newbie?" She chuckled.
"Yeah. All good. Last client just got in my head a bit."
"Want to talk about it?" Jasmine sat across the table from me, tucking into her soup.
"I'm not sure I would know where to start."
"Is this still about that footballer?"
"How did you know?"
"Why don't you just talk to her? You don't have to get back with her."
"What do you mean?"
"You obviously miss having her around, so why not speak to her?" She rolled her eyes.
"I don't know if I could, you know, be just friends with her." I sighed.
"It's blatantly obvious you can't be without her either." She chuckled again.
"Yeah. Maybe I will. I'll see."
"Eat something, newbie." She grinned, still slurping her soup.
— — — —
The rest of the day seemed to drag on, most likely because I knew what I was doing when I got home today. Texting Leah. I couldn't wait any longer than five minutes after I got through the door, falling dramatically onto my bed and pulling out my phone. I typed and then deleted for what seemed like forever, eventually settling on a message much less interesting than I had hoped for.
Sophie
Hey Le
It was read almost right away, the typing bubble appearing straight after, disappearing for a few seconds, and then coming back again. She didn't know what to say either.
Leah
Hey Soph
I giggled when I read her reply, knowing she was hoovering over her phone just as I was.
Sophie
How are you?
Leah
I'm okay, I think. How are you?
Sophie
I'm okay.
Leah
Is something wrong?
Sophie
No.
Leah
Do you need something?
Sophie
No. I just miss you
Leah
I miss you too. Are you sure you're okay, Soph?
Sophie
Yeah. I just wanted to hear your voice
Leah
So you texted me?
I giggled again, butterflies erupting in my stomach as I smiled properly for the first time since New Year's Eve.
Sophie
Haha. I can still hear your voice in my head when I read your replies.
Leah
Me too. It's comforting.
Sophie
Yeah.
Leah
Are you still in Ireland?
Sophie
No, I'm working in London again.
Leah
Really?
Sophie
Yeah. It turns out it's harder to get work in Ireland when you've basically told the biggest firm to go fuck themselves.
Leah
Haha - I'm guessing you wouldn't want to meet up?
Sophie
I would
Leah
Tonight?
I agreed to meet Leah, settling for a small cafe just down the road from the house we had shared together. I opted to just keep my work clothes on, not wanting to be late to meet Leah, knowing she would begin to think I wasn't turning up. I took a deep breath as I walked through the doors of the cafe, immediately spotting Leah at a table to my left, twirling her ring around her index finger and bouncing her leg against the floor. Her eyes looked up without her head moving as we got a glimpse of each other for the first time in months, a small smile appearing on both our faces, neither really knowing the correct way to act.
"Hi, Soph." Leah said softly, standing up to hug me.
"Hi, Le." I whispered back into the hug, her grip tightening as I spoke.
"I don't want to let go." She whispered into my neck.
"Me neither." I sighed.
But we had to. I took a seat across from her, watching as she tried to control her breathing as best she could. Her eyes didn't move from mine, her mouth opening and closing slightly as she tried to find the words to speak.
"Were you training today?" I asked, trying to make conversation.
"Yeah. You were working?"
"Yeah."
"Where's work now?"
"Campbell's." I rolled my eyes.
"Campbell's? The it's full of pretentious idiots, Campbell's?" She chuckled.
"That one."
Leah let out a hearty laugh, throwing her head back slightly. There go those butterflies again.
"Is Paula there too?"
"No, she stayed when Peter took over. Everyone did, well except me. Obviously. Your Mum still there?"
"Yeah. She's a very silent partner, though, he doesn't let her do anything. She really doesn't like him." She shook her head.
"Neither does Paula." I said in agreement.
"Soph?"
"Yeah?"
"What made you text me today?" Leah finally broke eye contact.
"I just miss you. I don't know how we can ever work as a couple, but I miss you. I hoped we could maybe be friends; we made really good friends, Le."
"Is that all you want? I'm not sure I know how to be friends with you, but I will try." Leah looks deflated.
"I don't know. I can't ever see myself being with anyone but you, Leah."
"But you can't see yourself being with me either?"
"I don't want to rush back into a relationship, Le. I don't want to force us back together, only for both of us to end up heartbroken again." I sighed.
"You know my next question then."
"It was my next question to."
"Well?"
"No. No one else, you?"
"Nope."
"So, how often do friends get to see each other then?" She grinned at me.
"Shut up." I chuckled, rolling my eyes.
And so it began from the beginning.