Roman was getting out of the shower when Marlena woke up. Exiting the bathroom wrapped in a towel. He watched her walk to the closet, intent on picking out her clothing for the day, and he said, "We can't go on like this forever."
Marlena stopped short, turning to face him, "What do you mean?"
Roman gestured between them with his hand, "This. You've allowed me back into the bedroom, but you're still keep me at a distance!"
"You said you would give me time, Roman."
"I have given you time," he said stepping closer to her.
Marlena knew he was going to kiss her. She wasn't sure she was ready for that, but she also knew, if she kept putting him off, she would never know. She watched him warily as he stepped forward, and reached for her, pulling her mouth to his. His lips landed on hers, dry and rough, and his tongue tried to shove inside her mouth. Immediately, Marlena pushed at his chest, as he held her face in the grip of his hands. She pushed harder against him, finally forcing him to step back from her with a stumble.
Roman was angry. He was more than angry, he was downright furious, "All right. That's it. That's it! I've had enough!" Roman told her, watching as she wiped her hand over her mouth, and stepped further away from him.
"You said, you'd be patient!" Marlena told him.
Roman had no patience, "Patient? I have been more than patient, Doc. I have waited seven years! The only thing that kept me going in that jungle was the thought, that maybe you and I might be together again someday! With our kids! In this house!" He stepped closer to her, and she stepped back again. Roman yelled as loudly as he could, "But this? This is worse than anything I experienced in that jail cell! Worse than them making me sit, and watch videotapes of you and John Black! Because now, here I am, this close to you, and I can't even kiss my own wife for crying out loud! Well, that's not right!" He closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath, before he continued, pointing his finger at her, "I love you. I want to make love with you, and I refuse to apologize for that!"
"I don't want you to apologize!" Marlena said, with tears in her voice. "I know this has been very hard for you. I know that this is hard for you, but I need time. You said, you would give me that. You said, you would wait."
Roman looks at her, unmoved by her tears, and says, "How long do I have to wait?"
"I don't know!" Marlena shouts, overcome with frustration. "I don't—"
"—what? What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of hurting him?" Roman says with disgust.
She looks at Roman for a moment, before she nods her head, saying softly, "Yes. I am afraid of hurting him. I was married to him—"
"—you were married to me! You're with me now. I thought your decision was made when we came home from Mexico!"
"It was...it is...but, Roman, I was married to both of you! I loved him. I made love to him. I can't pretend that didn't happen. I can't pretend I didn't have those feelings," she said, wiping at her tears furiously.
Roman watched her, finally acknowledging that this was about more than her hurting John, "You still have those feelings don't you?"
She can't admit it. She can't voice out loud what she knows to be true. Not when she and John have gone in separate directions, so she said, "I don't know...I don't even know how I feel. I don't...I don't know what I'm going to do..."
The bedroom door opened slightly, and Marlena heard Sami's voice, "Mommy? Mommy, are you okay?"
Rushing to the door, Marlena kneeled down, brushing the hair back from her daughter's sleepy face, "Yes, baby. I'm sorry that your Daddy and I woke you. We didn't mean to be so loud."
Sami eyed the man that was supposed to be her father, and she said softly to her mother, "He was yelling."
Roman found himself getting even more angry. Nothing was working out the way it was supposed to. He had spent seven years in prison imagining a life that had yet to come to fruition. Grabbing his clothing, he went back into the bathroom, and slammed the door behind him.
Marlena frowned at the closed door briefly, before she said to Sami, "Sometimes people have disagreements. That's normal. I'm sorry we were loud."
"Why can't I have my other Daddy? My real Daddy?"
Marlena was finding it more difficult to keep the twins away from John. Roman had insisted that he needed time to bond with them. Time to cement their new relationship, but Sami and Eric were making it very hard on him. At eight years old, the only father they had ever known was John. His sudden disappearance from their lives had not been an easy adjustment. The last few weeks had been incredibly difficult. Both of them brought home progress reports indicating that their grades had dropped. Sami had several referrals to school administration for back talk, and bullying her peers. Eric seemed to be withdrawing from his friends, and his family.
Roman had been trying. He was home for dinner everyday. He inquired about their days at school, but he was easily frustrated. He expected the children to fall into his arms, grateful to have their father home after seven long years, but they wouldn't. They sensed that frustration. The twins didn't see Roman's return as something they should be grateful for. They saw his return as the reason they had lost their father. By Roman keeping John out of their lives, he was making his children despise him. Marlena had tried to speak with him about, but in his typical blustering fashion, Roman had said they just needed more time, completely disregarding the fact that Marlena was the trained professional.
Marlena gazed on Sami's face for a moment, and said, "What if I talk to John about spending some time with you and Eric?"
Sami's face lit up, and tears shone in her eyes, "Really?"
Marlena didn't hesitate, "Really. I'm going to see him this morning. I'll talk to him."
Little arms wrapped themselves around Marlena's neck, while Sami cried, "Thank you, Mommy! Thank you!"
Kissing Sami's face, Marlena said, "Go wake up your brother. It's time to get ready for school."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Marlena had been crying on and off since she'd arrived in her office. Roman had overheard her telling Sami that she would make time for John to see her and Eric, and he wasn't pleased. She could still see the rage in his eyes, and hear his voice, when he said, "We agreed that I would have time with them! Now, if I say no, I'm the bad guy. How do I build a relationship with them, if you allow John in their lives, too?"
He was right, they had agreed to giving Roman time with the children, without the involvement of John. Marlena knew that, and she'd backtracked, promising Sami time with John. Roman failed to see that separating the twins from John so abruptly was hurting them, and his constant insistence that they would adjust was unrealistic. Children didn't adjust. They developed abandonment issues, and trust issues.
Marlena heard the buzz of her intercom, and glanced quickly at the clock. She hadn't realized how much time had passed. Her secretary's voice came over the speaker, "Dr. Evans, your appointment is here."
Wiping at her cheeks fiercely, Marlena replied, "Just a moment, I'll be out." Dashing into her restroom, Marlena checked her make-up, ensuring that her mascara hadn't run down her face, and quickly came out to get John for his appointment.
When the door closed behind him, and he eyed her carefully. She'd been crying. He could tell. Closing the distance between them, John asked her, "What's wrong?"
Marlena looked away, and walked towards her desk, sitting behind it, "Nothing. I'm fine. Are you ready to begin?"
"No," he said, stepping behind her desk, and looking down at her. "Somethings wrong."
"Nothing is wrong, John," she said, reaching for her tape recorder.
He kneeled before her, spinning her chair to face him, "Doc. Don't lie to me."
She found herself getting lost in his deep blue gaze, "It's nothing."
"Nothing? I don't think so. Not if it has you crying," he said quietly. "We're still friends aren't we?"
"Yes, but my problems with Roman aren't...I-I shouldn't be discussing them with you—"
"—are you having problems with Roman, Doc?"
"John...it's not proper for me to be—"
"—I'm your friend first. You can talk to me, because I know you, you're bottling it all up inside you," John said softly, reaching for her hand. "C'mon. Talk to me."
Marlena throws his hands off of her, and pushes her chair back, standing abruptly. She can't breath with him so close to her. Turning away from him, and gazing out her office window, she says, "I got into an argument with Roman this morning. It was nothing, really. He's—he's...frustrated."
John watched her, knowing that she was holding back, and censoring her words, but he didn't push her. His eyes followed the curve of her waist, and the way her jacket fit along the swell of her hips. He could imagine himself stepping behind her, and wrapping his arms around her shoulders; however, touching her right then wouldn't be a good idea. Not when he wanted to so badly.
"Our argument woke up Sami," Marlena nearly whispered. Turning to face John, she said, "This is all been so hard on the twins."
"Doc, it's been hard on all of us," John told her, standing where she'd left him when she'd vacated her chair.
"You're right. I know you're right, but Sami and Eric especially," she replied. She paused for a brief moment, before she asked him, "I was wondering if you might like to spend some time with them?"
"You already know the answer to that, Doc. Those are my kids. No matter what, those are my kids," John said.
"Sami has been getting in trouble in school and Eric...well, Eric seems to be turning inward. I try to engage him, but both of them are struggling with losing you."
"I didn't make that choice, Doc," John said softly.
"I know. I know, and I thought that giving Roman time to form a relationship with them was a good idea at first, but the more I watch them...I realize it's not. They need you, and loving you doesn't take away from the love they could eventually feel for Roman," Marlena said.
"Is that how he sees it? Does he think their love for me detracts from his ability to form a relationship with them? Because that's ridiculous. You know that," John said, stepping closer to her. "The twinners have enough love to share."
"They're—they're pushing him away. They see Roman as the reason for losing you."
"Have they told you that?"
"Do they need to, John? It's obvious," Marlena said, brushing her hair from her forehead, and looking back out the window.
"I can speak with them about it," John said, coming to stand in front of her. "I can do that for them...and I can do that for you. I can ask them to give Roman a chance."
"I'm not asking you to do that," Marlena told him. "I'm not trying to pull you into this."
"If Sami and Eric are hurting...I want to be pulled into this. I want to help them adjust," he said softly.
Marlena looked up at him, and whispered, "If you could. Maybe if they..."
He would do anything for his family, and even though they were apart, Marlena and the twins were still his family. It hurt that he'd lost them. The pain was almost incapacitating at times, but he would do whatever he could to help them adjust to their new lives, even if that meant getting them to try, and form relationships with Roman. "Doc, I don't like Roman. You know I don't...but I don't want Sami and Eric's adjustment to be difficult or painful. I don't want yours to be either." John moved a stray bit of Marlena's hair away from her shoulder, and fixed the collar of her shirt, watching the way his fingers barely grazed over her skin.
Shivering, she looked away, back out over the city, "I'm trying so hard to make this adjustment smooth for the children...for Roman..."
"What about you?"
"What about me?" she asked him, as if her needs had never occurred to her.
"How are you adjusting, Doc? How are you handling this transition into a new life with Roman?"
"I'm...fine. I'm fine," she said, taking a step to move away from John.
He stopped her, blocking her path with his arm, "You're not. I can see that."
"John, this is...this isn't something I should discuss with you."
She's right. He knows she's right. It's none of his business what she does or doesn't do with Roman. It's none of his business, and yet, every night he wonders if Marlena is in bed with Roman. He wonders if Roman is kissing her, or running his hands over her body, and the thoughts nearly drive him mad. Rounding the desk, John takes a seat on one end of the sofa and says quickly, "You're right. It's not my business...but if you ever need to talk, I'm available...you ready to get started?"