- joes Pov -
«So can I ask how things ended between you and Taylor?» I ask harry as we are getting ready for a day out. It's the weekend so we don't have classes. We wanted to explore the city a bit, so on today's agenda is Central Park. It's only a block away from the school, so we can get there quickly. Then we might take the subway somewhere else, but it depends on how much time we spend in Central Park. We all want to get in some practice time later. Even though it's the weekend its encouraged that we try to get some practice in on the stuff we learned this week.
«Well we dated for two years, and I thought it was going great. But then she ended it. She said it was because she needed to go here with a fresh start and that she doesn't know what she wants at the moment. But I think it was a mistake, she could still figure out who she is while still being with me» he says, and I struggle to keep a straight face.
The thing is that I catch myself staring at Taylor a lot. She is beautiful and I long to hold her close. But I don't stand a chance when her ex is here too, right? I haven't talked to her about their relationship, I don't feel like it's my place so early in our friendship, but she might still love him. Harry seems to still love her; it might still be a two-way thing. Or maybe she didn't really love him? A dark part of me hopes for that so I might stand a chance, but I'm not holding my breath. I've never really been crushing on anyone like this, I feel totally out of my comfort zone.
«I'm sure it's going to work out the way it was meant to all along» I say. But I hope it ends up with them not together, he doesn't need to know that though.
We head outside where Taylor, Selena and tom are waiting for us. «Let's do this» Selena beams. Since we already ate breakfast, we can just head over to Central Park.
- Taylors Pov -
«I love Central Park. Sometimes when we came to New York to see a Broadway play or a concert we would grab some to-go food and sit in the park to eat» my parents have always supported my love for music, so I've had plenty of chances to see tons of plays, concerts, and ballets. New York City ballet is amazing, and I'm so excited we get discounted tickets there since we are students at Juilliard. I'm totally watching nutcracker this Christmas season, it's one of my favorite ballets they have. And since I'm here anyway I want to watch the radio city Rockettes preform. I'm not a good dancer, so I could never do that stuff, but it's amazing to watch.
I've taken dance classes because it was a good addition when you do musical theatre, but I was never the best student in the class. I never wanted to be a dancer anyway, so I was just there to learn the basics and how to remember a combination. It did help me though.
«How many times have you been here? I have only been here once, for the audition» Selena asks.
«We are only three hours away from Boston, so I've been here a few times a year. And sometimes my mom or dad had some stuff to do here for work, sometimes we tagged along if we had a few days free from school or something»
«Remember when we saw lion king and you almost screamed when the elephant came down the aisle» harry tease me and I can't help but blush. «Give me a break, I was a kid. you threw up outside the theatre once because you were so excited, we got a signature from one of the cast members of Mathilda»
Harry came with us sometimes when we headed here to watch something. Even when we were only friends, we would bring him because he was my best friend. He was the only real friend I had, so I loved spending time with him. It made me feel like I wasn't alone in this world, and that means more to me than anything else.
We reach the edge of the park and head inside. Its early September, so fall has just started. But we are lucky that today is a pretty warm day here. I can get away with a thick cardigan today. I'm someone that's cold most of the time, so it's much needed. Later in fall the colors of the leaves will change, and the air will get even more crisp, that's my favorite part of the year. I feel like most people's favorite season is summer, but mine has always been fall. Exactly why I don't know, but maybe it has something to do with all the pretty colors, knit sweaters, cardigans, and all things pumpkin flavor.
The others are ahead of us while I end up walking in the back with Joe. He is really comfortable to be around, and I have the slightest of crushes on him. It makes me feel guilty that he is Harry's roommate, so I don't know what to do about the growing attraction. As much as I don't want to be with harry, I still don't want to hurt his feelings either. What I want from him is the friendship we had before we got lost in a relationship. Honestly, I think it was a mistake to get together In that way, we took a beautiful friendship and risked it all for an attraction. Then I felt trapped, I felt like I couldn't end it because he was my best friend. If I ended it, I would lose my boyfriend and best friend at the same time, that was a heartbreak I couldn't take. But after school ended, I knew it was time. It hurt a lot, but it was the right thing to do. what makes me feel guilty is that it hurt more losing our friendship than losing the relationship. Living without the relationship was easy, but it was a hard summer without my best friend to hang out with.
«Harry really likes you» Joe mumbles and I furrow my eyebrows because that came out of the blue, but I relax. «We are better as friends, that's all I offer to him now. We are never getting back together; I just want my friend back. he was my best friend, and I want that back»
It's the truth, but I kind of regret saying it. I don't know Joe well enough to be spilling deep thoughts, but I've already said it so there is no taking it back now.
«He will get that with time. I'm sure he wants you back though, but I hope you get your friend back. Seems like you two know each other well»
I chuckle «I've known him since I was seven years old, so about eleven years now, so yeah, I know him pretty well. We didn't go to the same school, but we spent a lot of time together anyway. And when we got our driver's license it was even easier to hang out» he was the person that made the hard days at school a little better. Because I knew that I got to see him several times a week. And when we got old enough to have phones, we texted all the time.
«So there is no chance of getting back together?» He asks and I nod «no chance. I... I can't go back» I don't know why I'm being so honest with him, but there is something really comforting with being around him. He has this calmness that makes you want to spill all your secrets. I still feel vulnerable, but I also don't feel awkward. Talking about this stuff is usually hard for me, but he doesn't make me feel awkward.
«Guys, home on! There is a piano over here» tom calls. When I look forward, I see that our friends are way ahead of us, so we hurry over to them. «Who wants to give it a go. The piano prodigy perhaps» tom suggest, and we all agree that Joe should play something.
He sits down and when his fingers slide across the keys playing an intricate Beethoven piece I'm enchanted as I listen. the piece he plays is Moonlight Sonata and it takes you on an emotional rollercoaster. I don't play too much classical stuff, but I have appreciation for the great composers' masterpieces. Joe is a natural at this, he doesn't even need to pull up sheet music on his phone or anything, he just plays effortlessly. I've seen a few orchestra productions of classical pieces over the years, often accompanied with a ballet piece, but listening to Joe play this solo out here is something else. Looking closer I see his eyes are closet and he is truly living himself into the music. I feel that too when I'm working on something on my guitar or singing something. It's like the world outside stops. Maybe he feels that way too? It sure looks like he does.
When he finishes a bunch of other people are standing around here too and give him a loud applause. When he goes to get up, I can't help but match his grin. For a moment our eyes lock, and his are a beautiful ocean blue that draws you in. My breath catches in my throat for a moment before I feel like I can breathe again.
**
After we get home, I hear Joe tell harry he is going straight to the practice room on their floor to play some piano. So after 20 minutes I sneak down there and knock on the room he is practicing in. I can't hear anything from inside, but he comes and open the door. «Hi, could I maybe... never mind its stupid» I say and turn to walk away. But he lay a hand on my arm and sparks shoot all over my body, so I tense for a moment. Turning to him slowly neither one of us seem to be breathing, but we slip out of the moment eventually.
«It's probably not stupid. You can ask me anything» he says and smile at me. His smile shows off his dimples that I just want to poke. there is this boyish look to his face, and it's really attractive. «Could I maybe come in and listen to you play? What you played out there was beautiful... and I just couldn't stop thinking about it so I would love to hear some more» I say and look down.
He opens the door wider and motion for me to follow him in. «The bench is extra wide, so you can sit with me» he says and grin at me again.
We sit down, and we are so close I can feel the heat radiating from his body. there is a magnet that wants me to move even closer, but I manage to dig up some sort of self-control that makes me stay put.
He starts to play another piano piece that by the sheet music in front of us I can see is another classical piece. I'm sure that's a lot of what they play during classes. I have to take piano here too, and we have so far only done classical stuff. Not everyone gets to play during the class, we don't have time for that, but we go over the sheet music and then we practice on our own. Then we have some theory stuff, so we learn more about the composers and how a classical piece is put together. I have taken piano classes for years though, so I know most of the stuff we are talking about in class.
«You write stuff yourself, right? Could we play some of that?» He asks and I blush. «I'm nowhere near as good as you, but I will give it a shot. This is one I wrote this summer»
I debate playing «this is me trying» that's the last thing I wrote, but it's too personal. I start to play the intro and drag myself into the music, into the story I wanted to tell this summer. It's not my story, but it's inspired by it.
«Vintage tee, brand new phone
High heels on cobblestones
When you are young, they assume you know nothing
Sequin smile, black lipstick
Sensual politics
When you are young, they assume you know nothing»
«But I knew you
Dancin' in your Levi's
Drunk under a streetlight, I
I knew you
Hand under my sweatshirt
Baby, kiss it better, I
And when I felt like I was an old cardigan
Under someone's bed
You put me on and said I was your favorite»
The parts of the songs that's about me are the stuff in the first chorus, it's about me and harry. He always made me feel like I was a priority to him, he was always there for me. He never made me feel like the burden other kids called me, he always told me I was his favorite person. Other people made me feel like I was a dirty cardigan thrown under the bed to collect dust, while harry pulled me out and put me on like it's the most natural thing.
Even with all the hard stuff I went through, he stood by my side and never made me feel like I was a burden to him. There were times where I did everything I could to push him away, but he never listened to that. He knew it was my self-destructive tendencies that took over, so he held me while I cried. He didn't need to do all the things he did for me, but he did.
I finish up the song and we sit in silence for a while «it's not the best, and I'm still working on it. But... its sort of a real story about my life while still being partly fictional. In my mind, the fictional part is a girl being cheated on by her boyfriend, but he came back to her. He regretted what he did to her, and she knew how he always made her feel. she made a decision that one mistake shouldn't ruin their chances of something more meaningful. I don't think cheaters should be forgiven, but somehow it just turned into this. I liked to take some of my own feelings, that has nothing to do with the story I'm telling and shape it into something else» I go on a table.
Playing my stuff for someone is really vulnerable. You're exposing an intimate part of yourself, especially if the songs are about yourself. Playing it for someone is putting your deepest, darkest, emotions out there for someone else to interpret and think about. I've never been a fan of music that's just there for the sake of it being there, I like to make people think with my lyrics. When someone listen to one of my songs I don't want them to just think that its catchy, I want them to listen to the lyrics and see that it goes deeper than that. Obviously not everyone thinks like that about my music, but that's my intention.
«It's beautiful Taylor. How you come up with lyrics that tell a story in that way I have no idea. I'm impressed, and I would love to hear more of what you write. We could be music buddies. I'll play you what I write, and you can play me what you write. I've never really had anyone to bounce ideas off on, so it would be nice» he says and rub the back of his neck.
I'm slightly taken back by the request, for artists that's a personal thing, but it could be good for me. «I would like that. How about we try to meet up at least once a week and do this. To get it into a regular thing. I try to write as I go, but some of the stuff might be old stuff or partly things. It's a good idea» I agree with him. I have never had someone to bounce ideas off either, it's a new concept. We are both doing something personal with this, but he doesn't make me nervous about it. There is something about him that's really comforting, he brings this calmness with him wherever we go.
«I'm excited to get to know how that mind of yours work. Because this was incredible. And partly stuff is important too, the process to get to a finished piece is sometimes the most important part. At least that's what I feel like when I play around with my own stuff. Sometimes I write my own things and then I play a lot of classical repertoire. I do like to play mainstream music sometimes but singing along isn't something I do. maybe I could play sometimes, and you could sing. My singing would break your ears, but your voice is angelic»
Our eyes interlock again, and it sends tingles all over my body. There is a connection between us, and I like how it makes me feel. There is still guilt there when it comes to harry, but I made it clear to him that I won't get back together with him. Can I really cater to his emotions for the rest of our lives and not try to figure out what I like in a man? Not saying that there will be something like that between me and Joe but talking with him I feel comfortable, and it makes me think of what it could be like to have a deep connection with a man.
***
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