Parineet's POV
What the hell just happened? He tried to kiss me and did I just let him? When I should be miles away from him, when I should not be thinking about him, all I can actually process is Taran.
Taran's presence has been very effervescent in my life. He came, like a storm and changed the colours of this world around me. He made me saw the things in a different light, with a new vision. He made me fell in love with life again. I never had enjoyed so many small and big moments in my life before. Certainly, Neeti always tried to make me come out of my shell, but I used to turn down her offers, because I have been raised in a traditional family. But right now being in Delhi, all by myself, and having only bhaiya with me who trusts Taran more than anybody, it made things easier for me. Easier to enjoy the little joys, easier to live in the moment and easier to like Taran despite knowing the bitter truths.
I don't know when it started happening and how. I have always felt comfortable around him, more secure and confident. He made me do all those things I have been missing out in life, and I am truly thankful to him for that. But love? Isn't it a lie anyways?
Though I love love but I have lost the ability to trust someone who's more than a friend. It seems like, if I will put someone in that category, he will become a stranger to me. I won't know him anymore. But isn't it true?
People do change in love. They hurt you, they betray you, berate you of your own self, make you feel weak and vulnerable. And I, now hate that feeling. Letting yourself be bare and vulnerable in front of someone, I hate it. People in love do things you can't think of. They even know the art of unloving you, which I don't master. And I guess that's what happening with me and Taran. I don't know him anymore. Though not a betrayal, but the things he does to me, are not normal. He makes my heart flutter when he holds my hand, he makes me feel special with all the attention he gives me whenever I am around him. I have never felt so wanted, so needed by anyone, in my life. Whenever we are together, it seems like he forgets the world, and I am the only centre of his gravity. The way he looks at me, cares about the smallest of the things, it just makes me forget everything. Our families, the reality of our relationship, I let it all slip off my mind, when he is around. His charm makes me swoon from inside, his constant smirks, that eyebrow raise when he teases me, challenges me of something, when he unknowingly lead our conversations, and assert his power over me, though that's a rare case, I like it. The precious smile he gives me every time, I feel a surge in my emotions. An uninvited blush creeps on my cheeks when Taran compliments me. A seemingly permanent smile leaves my face when I return home after meeting him.
"Parineet you are looking beautiful." He told me last day, and I actually felt that. Being pretty under his gaze, I know is not right. It is not normal and it is not good for both of us.
And the feeling of betraying myself, of cheating on my ethics is greater than this feeling of being loved. The thought of falling in love doesn't scare me, but the prospect of playing the same role again, in his life this time, does.
I don't want to dwell there. I don't know about him, whether he does it organically or he feels the same way I does, I don't know. I don't want to know. The latter is more frightening possibility. He should not feel the same for me, because the whole idea of us is corrupt and mal. It won't give us anything but pain and sorrow for lifetime. In his case, it would be more brutal. He will lose himself. And I may lose a friend I gained. I don't want that.
But even after all this, what happened in Ayaan's room between me and Taran felt right. It didn't feel like I'm cheating on someone. The only thing I remember while being in his company is, us. I forget the world, I tend to overlook that people exist, our families, our past, our present and the future. I seize to notice the other things but us. It looks like that there is only me and him. Aroused, needing, in love.
"Parineet you know what I mean" I don't know what answer he wanted to listen from me at that second. Or did I know and I just played along that I didn't.
"Shhh! I know I am just your friend. I was teasing." He turned his face away from me and winked. Turned his face with helplessness of our situation and winked to fake his charm? I was blank.
"I said stop fidgeting. I am not even touching you." I didn't even realise when he removed his hold from mine and tried to tease me.
"Now you aren't." I looked back, I wanted to win the conversation and go away. But I failed miserably, my feet were plastered to the ground.
"Caught me?" Taran chuckled. How heartily and tunefully. I love when he laughs like this. But I can't tell him this, so I looked everywhere but him and might be he didn't like it. Taran held my chin delicately as if I am a glass doll. He made me look up at his gorgeous face. Some water droplets could still be seen racing down from his peripheral hairs to chin. I would not lie but when he appeared in front of me, bare chested, the sight was bewildering and enticing. I had never seen a man a like that, looking so good in just a trouser and wet hairs. Taran is exceptionally handsome.
There! He leaned into me more, for what? To kiss me? I don't know. But I know one thing, I wanted him to descend his lips onto mine. I waited for him to do the deed, though at the back of my mind, I knew it's amoral. I felt like living there in the moment forever. Taran has become so much important for me, that I didn't realise when it started happening. But he didn't kiss me. Instead, a placid smile played on his lips and he moved away, denying the tension. I like it. I like that he is the smart guy between two of us, who does not give up at the hands of emotions. Not just that, I have seen him, observed him multiple times, Taran pushing himself away, when we get close. I have seen his muscles tired, eyes closed and words being gulped down by him, words which can create a havoc in our lives. Like today, despite of me, not moving from under his hold, and demanding a kiss subtly from him, by staring hungrily at him, he pushed himself back and stepped back. He didn't let it happen for good. He always stops himself from crossing the line. He isn't in love. We aren't. Thank God. It is not love. It can never be. I don't want this. And maybe he too and I admire him for that. And that's why a part of me, still feel he's so special. My friend. My buddy. Ninety times out of the daily interaction we have, I find the vibe, same as ever. Cool, sorted and genuine. But rest of the times, in the heat of the moment, it gets all corrupted. Our thoughts, our feelings, our souls.
"At seven. Sharp." That moment, I saw something changing in his eyes. A flicker of an ambition. Taran is upto something and he wants me to be a part of it. Because he has never asked me to get ready like this before. We have had so many car rides but never did he sound so dark and affirmed. There was a glint of excitement and enthusiasm, both in his voice and black orbs, when he asked me today. In front of Ayaan, I could feel the sexual tension cutting through us. I had a hard time, handling my feelings and emotions. I had no control over my heartbeat. And I know Taran saw that.
Day by day, this mess is increasing by folds, conjuring my mind and sanity. I am stuck at a crossroad between my mind and my heart. At least it seems like a crossroad when actually I know my decision, my conscious.
It is not like I love him. But this is not only friendship, that exists between us. It's much more than that and I hate it. The feelings, the troubles, the confusion I had in mind and from which I had been running from past one month, have now become more evident.
Despite of all these conflicting thoughts in my mind, i got ready at time. Wearing that violet shimmery shirt dress, with half sleeves. I paired it up with my black sandals and curled my hairs, with a little loud makeup. I looked at myself in the mirror and it was so not me. It is my first time, wearing something like this. I was conscious but gathered myself for Zainab. She has gifted me this dress with so much of love, i had to wear this. And i won't lie that I loved it too. I am excited about Taran's reaction to my this look. But he has his own priorities today..
____________
Taran blowed the horn and messaged simultaneously to come downstairs. He was waiting for me in the car. I was nervous. After checking myself and taking my clutch in the hands, I headed downstairs to find his black Volkswagen parked outside the gate of society. I walked upto it and saw him. Only him?
"You are going alone in the party?" I looked around as I dumb foundedly occupied the seat next to him. There was no one in the car except Taran and me. Not a single soul.
"Yeah!?" Taran was clueless at my question.
"I mean Aunty and.." I almost stuttered. I wasn't expecting him to come alone.
"And?" He looked at me excitedly. Taran seemed happy today.
"Your wife? I thought we all will go to the party together." I finally said with a small smile. I had been waiting to meet her today. She is the lucky one after all.
"Wait! What are you saying? I don't get you." My eyebrows twitched at his reaction. He was still smiling though? Was he kidding?
"Why did you ask me to come with you when you should be with your family?" I asked seriously because I didn't want to tag him along purposely when he has a family.
"Because mom was denying to come and I thought we can go together though if she would have come, I still would have picked you up -"
"Why me?" I cut him off for frustration was rising inside me. Has he no duty towards his wife? Why he acts so oblivion to her? These questions bugged me.
"Who else then? Parineet. It has always been you since all these months. Please what -" no way I was waiting for him to say this today. No! No! No! My worst fears can't come true.
"You should have come up with your wife for god's sake. If she wasn't ready, then you could have made her understand that it's Ayaan's wedding and she should be there." I said in a go not letting him speak.
"Wife?" He laughed as if I was joking. I was damn serious.
"Oh! So now you even have the audacity to forget about your wife? Great Taran! Great!" I mocked him for its enough. I can't let this happen nor can I let him go with me to the party when his wife is at home. Though we were now crossing the next metro station, as he drove.
"Will you explain me -" he looked at me while driving but I was just growing restless with questions popping in my mind.
"Don't you love her? Is there any problem in your married life that you resorted to all this? Me? Is she not loyal?"
"What the fuck are you saying? It's pretty laughable actually." Taran sounded a little offended. But he still laughed.
"Woah! Laughable! Right! Women are always a subject to laugh for men. Do you like me Taran?" Wait! I was more offended than him. How can he forget about his own wife? No! If it was because of me, then it should end here.
"I don't know what are you talking and where is this conversation heading but I have always said this to you and won't lie today also - yes I do like you. Why won't anyone?" He halted the car as it was good traffic jam.
"I can't believe this. I'm feeling like a home wrecker again! Just because of you I am going through what I was trying to overcome Taran! Why did you do this to me? This shall not be happening. No! Never!" I yelled. My eyes went wide with horror. I feared this all along. I have already ruined things for Neeti now I can't do this with another woman. I can't also lose my special friend now. No no no!
"What did I do? I don't understand."
"You won't understand anything. Ofcourse. Because you are a heartless person. Despite of being my doctor, my friend, you didn't care about my pain and feelings. Oh you didn't care about your wife's feelings, what am I to expect something from you!" I said sounding so angry and unreasonable. I knew this was harsh of me but Taran should have not done this.
"Will you stop it?"
"I won't. Taran I am feeling miserable. Broken. Again. I was an idiot to trust you. I was a complete idiot to invest my emotions in our friendship." Tears rolled down my cheeks on the realisation that I am again playing the same role of a third party in someone's story. I am the one who is again helping a man in cheating on his spouse.
"Do you think I have been fake with you all along. Stop thinking so low of me. Please." Taran wiped my tears with his thumb but I jerked off his hand. It wasn't our time.
"I don't know. I am a failure Taran Ahuja. I always fail to make good connections. I always fail in recognizing good people." My eyes were looking at nothing. I was just blabbering.
"You think I am not a good person?" Taran started the car again and I saw him parking it to one side of a secluded road. Okay!
"I don't trust you anymore. I mean? How can you cheat on your own wife?" I said, not being able to process that he could do this.
"You are taking it all wrong. The bullshit stories you have created in your head, I am seriously not getting them." Taran held my hands in his but I struggled to be free of his hold. I wanted to clear this.
"But I do get everything. I am not dumb. And stop lying Taran Ahuja. All this time, you were double crossing your own wife who must have been loving you, waiting for you at home when you were with me. Oh god I helped you in cheating on her. I am so dumb. I have always been dumb." I almost freaked out.
"Parineet I have no idea what you are talking about. It's all alien to me. Trust me!"
"Trust you? Never. For the second time in life, I have got tricked by the man, I trusted the most. I am feeling like a bloody who*e." I cupped my face in pain and more tears adorned my cheeks.
"Shut up Parineet. Shut the fuck up or I know different ways of stopping you!" Did he just say that? How can a man think of kissing a woman who knows his wicked lies. The audacity!
"You are disgusting! I can't even stand your presence now!" I struggled to open the gate of the car but Taran immediately enabled the child lock. I saw him with anger in my eyes.
"You can't leave the car without telling me what have I done Pari."
"Stop acting innocent and stop calling me Pari!" I hissed.
"Tell me Parineet."
"Tell you what?"
"What you want me to say, confess? Exactly?? What do you want to listen from me?"
"Didn't you tell me and bhaiya that you have a wife?"
"When and why would I say this?" He doesn't remember? Wow!
"When I did suicide. You told us that day in your cabin. Didn't you? Stop lying Taran please! I beg of you! Stop making a fool of me as if I am imagining things." Till now I clearly remember his words. When I was sitting in his office for the discharge, he said how his one of the friends was jealous of his wedding and was still pursuing him.
I didn't understand how people can easily forget their own confessions.
"Parineet wait. What the hell. That was a joke." Taran gave out a lethargic laugh. Ofcourse he is done with me because now i know the truth.
"Joke? You made my joke by making me come with you here. You made a fool of your wife, all this while by cheating on her "
"I didn't do anything of that sorts. And there's no wife. It's all in your head. Are you imagining people or what?" He can't be saying truth! No! Was it a lie? How can it be a lie? But he sounded genuine.
"You did cheat on her. I helped you unknowingly!" I still said with a poker face.
"Look. I have told you what was true. And if you still choose to believe otherwise then it's your problem." Taran said gritting his teeth in irritation. Was I thinking too much?
"When did you say the truth to me Taran. Now everything looks like a lie. Our friendship, our bond.." i voiced out. Our friendship was getting stained by his lies and i couldn't handle it.
I was trying to be sure that Taran was covering up for the things he had done untill he said
"You remember what I told you in our first meeting, but you don't remember what I told Vikram when I dropped you at your home the first time. Wow! How convenient of you Parineet."
"I do remember everything and not once you mentioned that you were joking. So stop lying now!" My voice weakened.
"No you don't remember anything. You only know what you listened. You were ill. You were suffering from depression. Physically you were there, but mentally you were lost in your past. You were hardly there Parineet when I told Vikram that I was fooling around to shoo away my ex girlfriend.
She was clinging to me unnecessarily and I lied. That's all. That is all Parineet Kakkar."
"When did you -" i was dumb founded. Why did I not trust him? And when did he tell this?
"I wonder how Vikram didn't tell you all this."
"He didn't. Because you are lying. You never said any such thing." I held my ground. I clinged to my misunderstanding because I was feeling guilty.
"You still think I am lying? Really Parineet!? Ask you brother. Damn!"
"I can't believe this." I cupped my face in horror. This whole confrontation had become ugly and I did this. I accused him of infidelity.
"I can't believe YOU Parineet. All this time you were hanging around with me, spending half of the day time with me, despite of your confusion that I was married. How is that justified? Before asking me, ask yourself! What is happening with you? Don't you like me at all? Didn't you trust me with yourself despite of your misunderstanding that I have a wife?"
"What are you saying? I like you or not is not the concern of our conversation right now."
"It's not anymore a conversation. You made it an argument!
And no honestly tell me, why did you hang around, spend time with me, came so close to me, never asked about my imaginary wife directly? Why? Special friend? You make a married man your special friend and then wait for him to kiss you?" He was right but i wasn't in right frame of mind to handle all this. Tears streamed down my face and I sobbed.
"Can you stop putting blames on me? I am feeling so disgusted with myself. Atleast Rajeev never blamed me."
"He fucking didn't blame you because he was cheating. I am not cheating at anyone. Oh my God! I don't know why am I giving an explanation for something I haven't done. And you actually compared me to that bastard. Really Parineet? I thought we were better than this shit."
"Taran I didn't-" what am I even doing to this guy? He doesn't deserve all this hate and useless arguments. I never ever can compare him to Rajeev but I did. I just did.
"Don't I DIDN'T MEAN THAT me. First of all, I don't want to blame you at all. I am just showing you the mirror. That if I am wrong, you are wrong too. Though I am not." Taran breathed and continued "You crossed limits with me didn't you? We did that together. "
"That's why I am saying I feel like a who-" i said running a hand through my hairs. I was bewildered. Without knowing the whole story and facts, i accused him of such a big fault.
"Say that word again and I'll kiss you right on your little mouth that keeps on blabbering a lot nowadays." How can he still be loving towards me? I felt like crying more and more. He hates it when I call myself names. And here I am not able to look at him.
"Why can't you understand that what we were, what we did, wasn't wrong, because there was no third angle between us. I am single, unmarried, a fucking bachelor. Why don't you get that you did all of that because you trusted me and still do. And I am not married Parineet. News flash! I told Vikram and I am telling you too that I am not married. Even the nurse to whom I said this, knew my marital status and laughed at my stupid lie. My ex girlfriend was bugging me unnecessarily so I lied. Everyone in the hospital, okay forget everyone. Ayaan! Ayaan and Zainab know that I am single. Ask them. " He banged his hand on the steering wheel in despair. I actually let him down. I should not have.
"Taran -" words died in my mouth as I ruined everything with my own hands.
"Parineet do you realize that we are having the most useless, senseless and futile argument of this decade because what you are accusing me of, I haven't done that. We can easily come over this topic but no! We are yelling the hell out on each other. And it's useless."
"I can't believe that for five long months you have been thinking that I am married but not a single time you mentioned or asked me or Ayaan or anyone else about that "wife" thing. Kudos to you Parineet!" He added and I drowned in guilt. He was right. He never was wrong at first place.
"I want to go back. I can't -" i said for i couldn't face him anymore. I was embarassed.
"Go! You must be feeling suffocated in here with a certified liar."
"No! I don't mean -"
"Parineet! Look. I don't want to ruin my mood further because it's already very nice you see. Zainab and Ayaan have been waiting for you and me and I don't want them to get sad on their special day because of us. Please. Come to the party and I promise I won't irritate you anymore. I won't even talk to you or look at you in the party."
"Taran you don't irritate me." I said with a weak voice.
"I made you feel like a who-. Aaaa! Fuck that word."
"Taran I am -"
"Sorry. I know. But right now all I need is a little break. You know that I can't stay angry with you for long. I'll find my way back to you. Already this baseless allegation fucked up my plan!" Surprisingly his voice softened and he said.
"Plan?" This time I looked at Taran. His eyes looked tired and i could feel how done he was with me.
But did he plan to propose me or what? Does he like me the way I happened to?
"Yeah! I had planned things for you today but -"
"Taran I am sorry."
"It's okay. Now stay in the car and let's go! I don't want to get late in my best friend's bachelor's because of this mess."
"I created this mess in my mind."
"Whatever! Parineet." Taran sighed defeatedly. "Actually let's not talk." With that he roared the car engine to life and drove us to the party venue without uttering a single word.
___________
It is deafening. The silence screaming in my head. The eerie quietness I am recieving from his side is killing me. I know I deserve this but I want to make amends with Taran. I did a huge blunder by cooking up those nonsensical stories in my head, and then comparing him with Rajeev. It was the worst I did. Taran has been away from me, since the moment we stepped inside the venue. He faked a smile when we entered and walked away from me as if he, no more can stand me and my presence and rightfully so. I am stranded alone in this crowd of people. I don't know anyone. Ayaan and Zainab are busy with their relatives and friends and Taran is just so..
Distant! I never found him unapproachable but today. And it is scary. I think I am loosing him. When the people who make you happy, merry, and who always stay around, checking up on you, get hurt and get silent, it gets frightening. I have hurt the guy, who actually deserve only affection. The only good thing that happened to me ever, I am letting him slip off my hands. Taran Ahuja! This guy deserves only love and love but all I could do to him is hurt him. He is right. I played along my imagination. Why I never asked about the confusion and cleared my doubts? The thing that could have been actually talked and laughed off as a joke, I let it turn it into a large misunderstanding. I did bad to him. I did bad to us. I can see him sipping on his drink in anger and frustration but I can't approach him. I have lost the right to be bossy around my special friend. I can't hold him by his shoulder and tell him to put the glass down and look at me, in my eyes, and see the genuine adoration I have for him. I already feel worthless now that his eyes doesn't look for me any longer, his hand don't hold my hand and make me roam around. I miss his laugh that I have suppressed. I miss him already, he is so far. What am I doing here when I can't talk to the only person who's reason behind my invite for this party. Hadn't been him, I would have never found Zainab and Ayaan. Actually I would have never been able to stand at my feet with so much confidence and zeal, but what was I without him? A walking dead to which he gave life. Taran is the only guy I credit behind my existence for now. It's like he gave birth to a new me, he rejuvenated me into the person I am today. And what did I do? I put blames and allegations on him without giving him a chance to explain himself. I just exploded on him like a bomb. Only I know how much I am controlling the urge that is increasing inside me. The urge to hold him closer, to hug him and end all this stress. But I am helpless. I can't force him to talk to me when he himself asked for some time and space. He has said he will find his way to me. What if he doesn't?
No! I won't be able to take it. Imagining a life without Taran in it is impossible for me now. Yes! If he won't come to me then I will force him to stay. After all he can't leave me alone like this for a small misunderstanding from my side. I am sorry and I will apologize to him a hundred times and more if this is what it takes. But right now, I will give him time. I should leave I guess.
"Parineet darling. Where are you going?" I was stopped by Zainab in my tracks as I headed to the exit. She was looking gorgeous as ever in the full sleeved red sparkling short dress that ended up her mid thigh but had net extensions till her feet. She is indeed a barbie doll. Pretty and perfect.
"I wasn't feeling well and it's been long. I need to head home now."
"I am sorry Parineet. Me and Ayaan got very busy with others. Didn't we? I should have been here with you. I am sorry for not attending you properly. But you can't leave like this. It's only 9. The party has just begun and don't we have to dance and cut the cake? You need to stay pretty girl." Zainab held my hand, not intending to leave unless I agree to stay so I just smiled. I can't ruin her mood, she is the sweetest. She dragged me inside the main arena and then I saw Ayaan coming to us with Taran. I could see how uninterested he is. He didn't once look at me as we all stood together. Ayaan smiled sadly at me, as if he realised that something is off between me and Taran. Ofcourse. He would know.
"It's time for some good music and the beautiful couple of the evening have to dance. Cheers for Zainab and Ayaan ladies and gentlemen." The host hooted for the couple and played a romantic song.
"Go guys. Dance!" I said and Zainab squealed in excitement. She eyed Ayaan and they both did something offbeat.
Zainab placed my hand in Taran's and asked us to dance along. I realised that time, that Ayaan's parents, her sister and his husband everyone was dancing. Taran, for the first time in a while looked at me. His eyes spoke volumes about how much hurt he was. I inflicted so much pain on him that it hurts right here. A gut wrenching pang erupted through my body on seeing him like that. He tried to walk away, leaving my hand when I held it back. I can't let go of him.
"Stay. Please." I almost begged. Bile concentrated in my throat. He looked again at me, helplessly. As if he can't let me be like this. As if no matter how much he wants to stay away, he can't when I am asking him. He hates the effect I have.
In a swift small movement, i had my right hand in his and left hand rested on his shoulder. His other one landed on my waist and we began dancing.
"I am sorry." I mumbled in a soft breathe. But audible enough.
"As I think of it now, you character assassinated me Parineet." My breathe hitched at the words. I never wanted to do anything like that. But accusing him of cheating, not trusting him, is a question on character. He is right.
"You are thinking too much." I said. I had no other reply.
"Not as much as you." His words which have always been a balm to my wounds, all of a sudden have began stabbing my heart.
He twirled me around and I just let him. My body had no control over itself.
"I know I have hurt you. Please forgive me." I said as soon as I landed against his torso.
"Imagine yourself in my place. Will it be easy?"
"No." I replied without a moment because I know. I have gone through that feeling. The idea of being called out as a cheater by someone you love is pathetic. Though nobody called me that but my conscious mocked me for cheating on Neeti constantly.
"I did bad to you. But all I can ask for is forgiveness. Or you tell me what to do? I will. I can do anything in my power to have you back." I continued looking in his glassy orbs. He was on the verge of crying. I officially hate myself.
"Special friend I am. You can't lose me right?" He chuckled and it sounded like he was mocking me. Definitely I failed to keep up with our friendship. I didn't trust him as I should.
"I was scared Taran. And selfish too. I was scared to see myself in the same light again. I dread the word homewrecker. My past experiences have scarred me for life. So I chose the easier path. I just blamed you for all the non existent things when I could have easily cleared the misunderstanding and it would have been a silly joke." I ran my hand up and down her shoulder while still dancing to the music, ignoring of the people around us. All this time, Taran kept looking at me intently. I felt complete. He was listening so I added "You are right. I am at fault for not confirming and getting closer to you despite. But maybe I was too happy with you. Too cautious about the bubble I was living in. I never wanted to look at the other side of your life because I was enjoying each and every second of our togetherness. I never wanted you to leave me, that's why I didn't ask if someone was waiting for you at home or not. I was loving all the attention you gave me, so I never bothered to think that if someone was getting it or not. Maybe I was too scared to listen a yes from your mouth that you are married and you have a wife, because all i wanted is you to keep to myself." Said too much. Didn't I? But what's there in keeping it to myself.
"But I would have denied." He did put the loose strand of my hairs behind my ear and I leaned into his touch. Melted there.
"But I thought you will say yes. I was under that impression." I said desparately. I have never heard myself like that before.
"You never discussed it with Vikram? Why would a protective brother like him will let his sister roam around the city with a married man Parineet?" Parineet. He is calling me with my full name ever since I asked him in anger to stop calling me Pari. Why he has to be so giving to all my useless demands and not rebel against me? He has all the rights to call me whatever he want but he just doesn't rebel against me.
But on the other side, his point was right. Why did I never notice it? Bhaiya never stopped me, in fact he encouraged my outings with Taran. But as I confessed, I was too trapped in my reality and very scared of an alternate universe, to embrace the reality.
"I am sorry Taran for everything I did to you."
Instinctively, while dancing I leaned in and rested my head on his chest, hugging him, but he didn't wrap his hands around me. But I felt good, listening to his heartbeat and holding him close.
"Parineet. Stop doing this. Because now that I have told you I am not married can't change your behaviour towards me like this." He held me by my arms and detached himself from the hug. The music also stopped and everyone was clapping. The irony! Also could he be a little less rude? It's hurting. And I can't complain.
"Sorry." A sob escaped my mouth. It was overwhelming for me. Getting rejected by him like that, it was a sick feeling.
"I didn't mean..! Fuck!" Taran ran his hand through his perfect black hairs while I wiped my tears.
"I meant. You were loathing on me some hours ago and now that I have come clean, you are hugging me. How should I take this Parineet? I am genuinely confused."
"You are right. Actually it's just i was feeling weak." He was bombarding me with truth bombs and all I could feel is disgusted with myself. He was right and I was so so so wrong. I felt like hiding my face.
"Weak?"
"Yeah..you weren't talking to me so.. I finally found you closer so I just hugged. I am sorry." I managed to say, covering up for my insane actions could be this tough, I didn't know.
"How am I supposed to take this? I don't understand."
"Take your time. If you find it right to be friends with me, again, then start talking to me. Otherwise I won't force you." I said emotionlessly for if I begin to express what am I feeling, i would never let him go. But i have spent enough time being selfish, it's his turn to think and decide. I won't force. Though I'll miss him.
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A/N : Tan tanan! Did you see that coming? A small confusion and such an ugly argument.
Our PaRan need to solve out this mess.
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