STAMP OF APPROVAL - a selection story

tell me it'll be okay

C H A R L O T T E

written by animationchic/aOK706

round eleven ||

April 9th

2:30 am

"What do you mean you haven't talked since?" Hellie asks me, her tone sharp. I wince at her voice. It's late. We're both tired, I shouldn't have her up this late at night, but she's the one who wouldn't hang up with me an hour ago when I tried. And when I went ahead and did it myself, she just called me right back.

"I mean, we haven't talked. I don't know how else to say it." I shrug my shoulders.

"So he's just avoiding you?" Helena narrows her eyes. "That doesn't seem fair."

I shrug again and hide a yawn behind my hand. "Hel, I don't know what to say. It was awful, he got so drunk and she was just videoing him the whole time. I don't know where those images would have landed if Levi and I hadn't heard them at the bar. I don't know what's going through his head."

"He is a teen still, you have to remember that," Hellie sighs and leans against her headboard. I can see her stomach in the frame and I can't help but smile. "You were a bit of a wild teenager too. I seem to recall a semi-intoxicated night that ended in a tattoo parlor."

"Me? You ran off and got married!" I accuse her and she screws up her face at me. Hellie narrows her eyes at me and I lean my head against my closet wall. "Okay, I get why you did it, I think."

"Trust me little sister, soon, you will understand completely," she says it like a threat and something in me clenches. I know she's right, or well, I hope she is. I want a love that I would throw everything away for. I want a love that will drive me crazy and terrify me at the thought of losing it. If I don't find that, what is all this for?

Helena yawns and I frown. "Hellie, you need to sleep."

"No, I want to sleep, I need to talk to you," Hellie says stubbornly but even I can see her eyes drooping.

"Hellie, my niece or nephew needs lots of rest to grow strong," I tell her, pleading for her unborn child, hoping to get her to see reason.

"You just want to get off the call," she accuses through another yawn and we both chuckle.

"Hey, if it's a girl, you're naming her after me, right?" I ask her and she starts laughing.

"Huh, what's that, Char? I can't hear you, I think it might be the tunnel," she fakes static sounds and now I'm really laughing. Wow, it really is late. She sobers a bit and looks straight at me. "I love you, sister, you know that?"

"How could you not?" I ask her, ever the stubborn little sister. She chuckles but I nod. "Yeah, I know and you know I love you."

"Yeah, I know." She yawns again and I know it's time to say our goodbyes but as soon as I close my computer, I feel alone all over again.

—

"You look tired," Xander says, sitting across from me at breakfast and sneaking a hashbrown off of my plate.

"Hey, that was my last hashbrown!" I complain, reaching forward to grab it back but he pops it into his mouth with a grin.

"It was the last hashbrown period," he tells me as he chews and normally I would be grossed out, but Xander is so boyish, it's almost charming. Once he's swallowed he looks up at me. "Let me make it up to you?"

"What did you have in mind?" I ask him, skeptically. He grins again and I worry about what I might have ahead of me.

"I finished another piece," he tells me conspiratorially and I instantly sit up.

"Nuh-uh," I say, excited now.

"Mhmm, will you be my model?" He raises his eyebrow as I nod enthusiastically. Xander holds out his hand, "Let's go then."

—

"You know, when you asked if I'd be your model, I didn't realize you meant for like, an actual photo shoot," I say through the dressing screen, nerves evident in my voice.

"I won't use the photos if you don't let me, but I thought this could be fun," Xander calls over the screen and I can hear him shifting things around in the room. I had been expecting him to lead me to his room once more but I was surprised when he led me to the Rose Conservatory.

It's the least used conservatory in the palace and it's easy to see why. Through the years, outdated furniture has filled it and I'm surprised to see it's lent a certain Wonderland vibe to the room. Half of the room has ivy covering the windows, giving very atmospheric lighting and when I notice the ancient chipped tea set set out for a party, I'm not at all surprised to find that I will be playing the role of Queen of Hearts.

I am surprised to find Madeline hiding behind the curtain, ready for a complete hair and makeup overhaul.

"Xander told me about the photoshoot and I double checked with Audrey to be sure you'd have the time today, I'm so glad you said you'd do it," she confides in me as she laces up the corset top.

It's the same three piece set as before and I'm impressed to see that the additional piece Xander has finished is half corset, adding to the whimsy the room is providing. When I'm fully in costume, I come out from behind the screen.

"Well, maestro, what do you think?" I ask him, spreading my arms wide and giving a slow turn. When he doesn't respond right away, I worry and meet his eyes. "Is something wrong? Is it not what you were picturing?"

"No," he says, seemingly in a state of shock. Shame shoots through me, upset that I'm not living up to his vision when he looks me in the eye and corrects himself, "I mean, no, I could never have pictured this. You're perfect."

His words bring a flush to my cheeks and suddenly I find that I can't meet Xander's eyes. "Oh," I say softly and I'm surprised to find my voice thick. "I— thank you."

The moment settles over us, making us both hesitant to break the silence. It's like we're both back in middle school, admitting to our school crush that we like them. And I do like Xander. He's one of the guys that I feel most comfortable around, comfortable enough for me to let him do a photoshoot of me, and that's saying something.

I shift, breaking the silence, "So, uh, who's our photographer?"

"Oh!" Xander rushes to the far table and picks up a fancy looking camera. "Bax, from media, let me borrow this, so I guess I am, if you're okay with that."

"I trust you," I tell him honestly and I watch another blush color his cheeks. I try to give him an encouraging smile as I move into the set.

It starts off a little awkward. I don't know what to do or how to pose. Most of the photo shoots I've been part of up until this point have all been proper. Trying to make me look like the crown princess I am and more general shoots with the family. This... this is art. Xander takes a minute to come into his role too. At first I can tell he's not getting the shots he wants. He frowns everytime he looks at the results. Finally, Madeline steps up, rearranging me and when she steps back she says something in Xander's ear. He shoots and when he sees the results he snaps into it. Soon he's directing me more and I fall into the poses he wants. Then my dancer side takes over and I finally feel the connection. The best poses feel the most tense, at least for me. It's not as easy as sitting there and looking at the camera. No, so many of my muscles need to be engaged.

The photoshoot takes hours. Especially as we take pieces off and replace them later, showing off all of the different combinations of Xander's genius.

"Wow, that took more effort than I thought," I admit as I sink onto the resting chair beside Xander, finally in my own clothes once more.

"Modeling isn't easy." Xander nods knowingly.

"That was a lot of fun though," I tell him, bumping into him lightly.

"Thank you, Charlotte," Xander tells me, his voice going soft. "You were amazing."

"You made me feel amazing," I admit to him, just as softly.

Xander's eyes snap to mine then and he seems to take me in. I don't know what he's looking for but just when I'm about to say something, he leans forward and gently presses his lips to mine.

It's not a long kiss, but it's soft and sweet and I would be lying if I said I didn't melt a little.

When he pulls away, his cheeks are fully pink and something tells me that was really hard for him to do. So, I return the favor and before he can second guess himself, press my lips to his, just as softly. This time, I pull away and he's smiling. That perfect Xander smile.

I don't want to ruin the moment so I don't say anything else as I get up and head back to my room. I'm grateful for the quiet as I sink into my bed, ready for a nap. That really was a lot of fun.

April 11th

12:23pm

"Have you seen this trash?" Danil asks the room and I startle. I hadn't noticed a group of the guys had moved in here as I sat and read. This week has been surprisingly relaxed and it's allowed me more time to relax around the guys. Well, some of the guys. I haven't seen much of Levi since our date.

I frown but I soon realize that Danil isn't talking to me. He's talking to Ambrose, Frankie, Linus and Rhett who followed him into the room. Danil moves to stand in front of the large mounted television and flips it on, quickly finding the channel he's looking for.

There, surrounded by studio lights sits five former Selected men and as the sound bites play, I notice the caption scrolling along the bottom of the screen.

FIVE FORMER SELECTED TELL ALL ABOUT THEIR TIME IN THE PALACE INCLUDING THE CLEAR FAVORITISM AND WHO THE CROWN PRINCESS REALLY IS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.

I feel my stomach drop as James and Dean's voices come from the television talking about how unforgiving I am and I just know this is bad. We knew this was a possibility but I thought legal had this all sorted out.

When James hints at our date and how I was completely over-dramatic about the whole thing, my book falls from my hands. Five sets of eyes swing around the room and land on me.

"Charlotte—" Ambrose steps towards me, concern flooding his face, but I'm already moving to the door shaking my head.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there!" Danil calls after me. His voice moves in the room but I'm running now and luckily none of them follow.

"Was no one going to tell me?!" I burst into the room, out of breath. Where before five pairs of eyes were on me, an entire room's attention is now on me.

"Charlotte, calm down," my dad's deep voice says, the only one who dares to say anything at this moment.

"Calm down? They're slandering me out there!" I cry, spinning on him.

"Yes, but we knew this was a possibility. Right now, we need to gauge how many people believe them. Then we can start to work out our response, if we'll have one at all," Dad says, moving more into the room to sit next to Micha, our head of PR.

"You mean there's a possibility we'll do nothing?" I ask, incredulous.

"Princess, your ratings are higher than they've ever been. Since the Selection, the people are more invested in you than ever before," Micha responds and I can tell she's trying to be soothing but her words bristle more than anything. "We need to be very careful about damaging all the hard work we've done so far. If we respond, we lend credit to the things they're saying."

"But if we say nothing, people will believe the things they're saying," I say, sinking into a nearby chair myself.

"We don't know that, not yet," she says softly and turns to the bank of monitors on the wall. "Right now, only time will tell."

—

I hole myself up in my room for the rest of the day with my computer. I don't let anyone in as I doom scroll what the media is saying at this point. Micha and my father must have decided to not respond as of yet because still the awful reports are going out, and growing by the minute. Now on every article and interview I've done since the start of the Selection, there are negative comments. People on Twitter are tearing apart my remaining Selected, and me even worse. I know it's probably not as bad as it feels but it feels bad.

I hate that I care so much.

I hate that it feels like my life has been reduced to a celebrity dating show. I hate that the people care more about who I'm dating, who I might marry, than the policies I hold near my heart. I hate that they're dissecting everything I've done, looking for ill intentions. And then I come across one message amongst all the others.

I don't know what these guys are talking about. I'm one of the eliminated Selected as well, but this was not my experience at all. In fact, in the limited amount of time I got to spend with Princess Charlotte she was not only kind and caring, she was one of the best people I had ever met. These guys need to remember that she's putting her entire life and future on the line here. It's not a game to win, she's not a prize. She's a human being and I will defend her as such until the very end. Some of these guys don't want the true story of their actions in the palace to get out, but they need to be reminded that we know what really happened and the fact that Princess Charlotte has held her tongue only speaks to the grace of her character. I am honored to have spent even a minute with her. You are not alone Charlotte and not all of us are complete idiots.

I sit up in my bed and wipe the tears from my eyes. I'm not sure which Selected wrote this but his words... I almost regret eliminating whoever he is. I gasp as I scroll some more and find another.

I too was there, but not for very long. In fact, I was eliminated on the first night. Not because I did something, but because I asked. I had found my long lost love, and I knew I had to be with her. I was so scared to tell Princess Charlotte, but I knew it wouldn't be fair to any of us had I stayed. So I put on my big boy pants and despite it being very late, her birthday, and the start of her journey to find the love of her life, Princess Charlotte was nothing but graceful and even happy for us. She's even checked in several times to be sure we've settled in and was the witness at our wedding. Princess Charlotte is a kind, wonderful woman and an even more amazing friend. What these guys are putting out into the world is just plain injured male egos.

Kalen. I almost cry as I read Kalen's words again. He didn't have to do that. He didn't have to put himself out there like that, and yet here he is, defending me. I can't believe it. I mean, I probably should, but I can't either. I wipe the tears from my eyes, so grateful to him for putting himself out there like that.

This is silly. I shouldn't be sitting here, crying about what a few guys say about me in the press. I shouldn't let their words, the words of people who don't even know me, dictate my mood or how I view myself. But I can't deny it hurts.

I take a deep breath, more calm and rational now. I need to figure out how to move on from this. I need to figure out how to respond to this. And it won't be from lying in the dark, wallowing in the negativity. I feel my stomach rumble and I wince. Nothing good will come from me starving myself either.

I glance at my clock, it's late. Too late to join everyone for dinner, that's long over. But, the kitchen is never empty. I swing open my door and start to head towards the kitchen when all of a sudden, my foot catches on something solid and I'm falling. Why am I always falling? I slam into the hallway floor, luckily catching myself with my forearms, but it hurts. A lot. And my mind is still trying to catch up and figure out what exactly just happened.

"Ow," I whimper pathetically, moving onto my knees, holding my arm.

"Charlotte! Are you okay?" Quentin startles, pushing his glasses up his nose and rushes towards me.

I take him in, surprised to see him here. He too is on the floor and I struggle to remember whether I ran into him or knocked into him, trying to figure out if I know the reason that he's on the plush carpet with me. Then I take in the book, tossed to the side, and the pile of snacks. He was...

"Were you sitting out here?" I ask him, my voice still laced with pain.

He ignores my question and instead takes my arms and pushes up my sleeves, looking for any obvious injuries. When he seems sure that no bones are obviously sticking out he leads me in stretches, watching to see how much pain I'm in.

"Quentin, I'm fine," I tell him even as I wince. "I'm sure I just bruised my elbow or something."

He nods and then finally looks me in the eye once more. "Yes, I was."

"Huh?" I ask him and I swear I feel dumb.

"To your question earlier, yes, I was sitting out here." Quentin smiles at me and moves back to what I assume is his original place. Then I notice it. The way he's sitting, it must have been him that caused my fall.

"You tripped me!" I accuse a touch too loudly and Quentin laughs.

"Not on purpose, I promise." He holds up his hands in surrender as I move towards him and swat at him. He pats the spot next to him, asking me to sit and I settle into it. His voice drops as he takes in my face. "I was waiting for you."

"Waiting for me?" I ask him, confused. I shake my head. "I don't understand."

"We've been taking shifts," he explains. "We saw the media and we figured it might be hard on you. It's not fair and if we could we would scream from the rooftop how wrong it is what they're saying. But we also know that might not be our place, so we want to be here for you and we didn't want to rush you... so we've been taking shifts."

"You've been taking shifts, waiting for me, to cry it out?" I ask him, confused.

"I hate that you were crying because of those idiots." Quentin frowns and a line forms between his eyes. He reaches out to me and I'm surprised when he pulls me to his side. I rest my head against his shoulder and I feel him shift, angling more towards me. It's nice.

"I hate that I was crying over them too," I admit to him softly.

Quentin wraps his arms around me and squeezes, whispering into my hair, "Those of us who know you, really know you, know how untrue their words are."

"I just hate that you have to 'really know' me to know it's not true," I tell him and it feels like bearing my soul to him.

"You don't," Quentin tells me and I know he believes it, but there is so much evidence to contradict him. I give him a self-deprecating chuckle and he sighs. "Charlotte, you and I both know that the internet is a very toxic place. People want to believe the worst in someone, even someone they've never met. You can't listen to the internet."

"I have to though," I protest, pulling back slightly and looking up at him. The tears are back in my eyes but I'm fighting them. I so badly don't want them to fall, I want to be a stronger person than that. "I will never be able to meet everyone I need to meet, talk to everyone who should have a say. To do my job, I need the internet so people can have that access to me. But if they think they can't trust me—"

He pulls me closer so I'm almost sitting in his lap and sighs. "I get that. I do, but there also needs to be a line. Create open forum websites and have moderators. Make them spaces for the real issues, not petty discourse. You can't control the internet, but we can control the parts of the internet we interact with and affect us."

"'We'?" I ask him, a bit bashful and his cheeks flush a bit.

"I don't think it's a secret I like you, Charlotte," his voice is soft but his words are serious. "So yes, we, if you want it. I can't fix things but I am more than willing to help in any way I can and support you, for as long as you'll have me."

"Thank you," I say softly. He nods and looks down at me. We're so close, there is so little distance between us right now he could reach down and kiss me. It would be so simple and something tells me Quentin wouldn't mind. Not with the way he's looking at me or with the way his eyes keep darting to my lips. But it's not right. This moment isn't right.

I pull back a little, hoping that he doesn't notice how much I noticed his attention, and instead glance around us. He wasn't lying when he said they'd been taking shifts, the pile of snacks is evidence enough. I grin seeing it all. By now, I know them well enough to know that each snack left behind has someone's signature very firmly on them. For example, I can tell that the gummy worms left behind were from Danil and the trail mix would have been Bowie. Ambrose probably brought the chocolate covered almonds while I'm willing to bet Quentin brought the jerky, though I can't figure out who brought the fresh baked cookies, or if the cook baked them or the man himself.

"Well, I'm starving," I tell Quentin and begin to pull myself out of his lap. It doesn't feel like he wants to let me go yet and I can't lie, it feels nice to be wanted. I smile at him as I gather a few of the snacks in my arms and nod toward my door. "Want to come eat these with me and watch a movie or something?"

He smiles. I don't think I've ever seen him move so fast as he nods, gathering the other snacks in his arms and tells me, "There's this great new nature documentary out—"

We settle onto my couch, the snacks between us and around us as we flip through my channel guide. It's weird for a moment when I realize I've never had a boy in my room. Well, that's not true. Levi's been in here, and Ambrose the night of that storm. I've never had a boy in my room to just hang out, though and it somehow feels different. I try not to let it unnerve me but all of a sudden, I'm grateful for the pile of snacks between us and the few feet separating us.

I glance at Quentin to see how he feels, but he seems completely unbothered as he finally finds the documentary he was looking for. He grins at me as I take in the title. "What do you think? Up for it?"

"Let's go for it," I tell him and reach out for the fresh baked cookies. They're still warm, which means whoever it was that made them, had to have come back with them.

"Oh, thank God, those things have been torturing me with their smell for half an hour." Quentin sighs as I reach the container out to him, offering him one.

I chuckle. "You could have had one."

"Nah, that felt weird since I didn't make them." Quentin shakes his head as he presses play. He groans as he takes a bite. "Mmmm, chai tea eggnog, not something I would have thought to try but they're amazing."

"Who made them anyway?" I ask him, taking a bite myself. I have to hold in a groan as well. They're soft and gooey and just the right amount of vanilla and warmth to soothe my soul.

"No idea." Quentin shrugs. I squint at him and he holds his hands up. "I'm serious. I was in the middle of a really good part of my book and then they were suddenly there. That's also why I didn't notice you coming out of your room."

I laugh. "That sounds like you."

"That feels like an insult." He narrows his eyes at me but I can tell he's joking as he dramatically pushes his glasses up his nose.

"Here, does this make it up?" I ask him, holding the container out to him.

He grins, taking two more. "Consider us even."

April 12th

8:35 am

Walking through the lesson room's door, it strikes me just how many men I've sent home. At the start of all this, the room was full, overflowing really with men sitting on ends of tables and just wherever they could. Now, there's just ten men left and according to my gut and emotions one of them is my future husband.

Several men's faces light up when I come into the room and my uncle welcomes me with a hug. Even he must be aware of how hard yesterday hit me, because he never hugs me.

"How are you today?" he asks me softly and I just nod. There's really nothing to say, he already knows. They all do. They can read it on my face and by how I locked myself in my room last night.

"I came to join your lessons today," I tell him with a weak smile. This had been my father's suggestion, so really I had no choice. "It seems I need a refresher on how to handle bad press as well."

"Ah yes," Uncle Phillip clears his throat. He shifts and looks towards the rest of the room. "Take a seat wherever."

He motions towards all the empty tables and suddenly I feel like I'm ten again, moving to my new boarding school and not knowing where to sit. Looking around, I'm surprised there are only two men sitting at tables alone, with books piled up around them, Levi and Ambrose. I wonder what they've been working on lately before my bout of bad press interrupted them.

I look at each for a moment. Ambrose smiles and pulls out the chair next him for me, a silent invitation but when my eyes catch Levi's he quickly averts his gaze. Quiet humiliation courses through and I can't figure out why. I frown more to myself as I sit down next to Ambrose, prepared to ignore the next two hours of my uncle's talking. As he talks, I take note of Ambrose's books he has pulled in front of him. They're a variety of topics but one of the things that stands out is the book on Selection History. Huh, I never took him as much of a history buff.

When the lesson is finally over, I wait until my uncle and Wynnie have both left before cutting Levi off from slipping through the door right after them.

"Before you all go," I say standing from my seat. Levi stops and turns and seems to look everywhere in the room but at me. It hurts so I focus my attention on Linus and Quentin and the others. "I just wanted to thank you all for last night. I missed dinner so the snacks really came in handy, but most of all, thank you guys for being there for me, even when I wasn't letting anyone in. It- it means a lot to me."

"Of course, we're not any happier about it than you," Danil's the first one to say anything and walks towards me, his arms open. "Bring it in."

He wraps me in a hug and I can't help but laugh. His arm lifts and I can feel it wave to include someone else in the hug and then someone else joins the hug. I continue to laugh as I feel another and another and another join until eventually, I assume, all ten men have joined in the most absurd group hug known to mankind. But I'm laughing and so are they and it's like a balm to the hurt that I felt all of yesterday. I'm grateful for these men.

It's not until everyone is pulling away that I realize I can smell the faint hint of chai and eggnog on someone. I glance around, trying to figure out who my mystery baker is, but whoever it was is already gone and so are more than half of my remaining Selected.

Shame.

April 14th

1:23pm

"Charlotte?" A knock on the door startles me and I can't help but jump. Since finding Quentin sitting outside of my rooms, I've made it a point to keep the door open during the day. I don't know, I just feel like a closed door is a message and at this stage of the courtship, I want all the guys to feel confident in being open with me. And I want them to feel confident that I'm being open with them. Apparently for me, that starts with an open door.

"Oh, hey Rhett, what's going on?" I smile at the man standing in my doorway but it quickly turns into a frown when I take in his expression. He looks distant, like he's unsure of where he is or what he's doing here. He looks lost. I know instantly something's wrong. This isn't Rhett. I get up from the couch and cross to him. "Rhett, what's wrong?"

It takes him a few tries to say anything and he has to swallow several times, like the words are getting stuck in his throat. I take him by the hand and lead him back to my sitting couch and try again. "Rhett, talk to me please. Tell me what's wrong."

"I just got a call from my sister," he tells me and tears well in his eyes. My heart sinks for him. I know how close he is to his sister and mother. I also know his mother's health has been a serious concern for a long time. I worry instantly that Rhett's mother has passed and he wasn't able to be there when it happened.

"Oh Rhett, please tell me—" I start but he cuts me off with a shake of his head.

"No, not yet at least. I think— I don't know but I guess she took a turn for the worse." Rhett won't meet my eyes and my heart sinks even lower. Her health took a turn for the worse just after she traveled here. Her travels exhausted her and allowed her sickness a stronger hold. It's my fault.

I can feel panic welling in my chest. "Anything you or she needs, just ask, Rhett. Doctors, treatments, anything, it's all at your disposal."

"They've put her on hospice, Charlotte," Rhett's voice is so small and suddenly he's lurching forward. He buries his face in his hands, hiding from me and I think I can see tears leaking through.

"Oh, Rhett," I say softly and lean forward, gently wrapping him in my embrace. I worry he'll push me away but instead he leans into me, letting me hold him. "I am so, so sorry."

He cries for a bit, letting all of his emotions out. I can't blame him. Who wants to lose their mother so young? Who wants to watch her go as her body finally fails her. They've been fighting her illness for so long. Rhett and his sister have built their entire adult lives around it. It's not fair.

Eventually, Rhett's tears stop and he sits up rubbing his face. "I'm sorry. I just— I'm still trying to process what this all means."

"Please do not apologize to me." I shake my head, reaching forward to take his hand in mine. "Anything you need, even a shoulder to cry on, it's yours and I'm not just saying that."

"I know," he says softly and I can tell he's building up to something. He has something to ask for, he knew from the moment he came in here, he just needed the courage to ask. "Charlotte, I need to be with her."

"Of course!" I all but squeak, relieved to be actually able to do something for him. I pull out my phone and begin messaging Audrey. "When do you want to leave? I don't know if we should schedule a return or—"

"No, Charlotte, I need to be there until the end." Rhett shakes his head and covers his hand with mine. "And I know I can't ask you to wait for me. So I won't even entertain the idea-"

"I'm not eliminating you," There's steel in my voice as iron clenches my chest at the thought of it. "No, that's not fair. You need to be there, anyone would need to be there. I won't deny you that right."

"But we don't know how long she might be on hospice, it could be days, it could be months," Rhett tries to argue but I'm shaking my head.

"That's okay, I'll keep your spot," I say and we're talking over each other now.

"You don't know that—"

"I do."

"Charlotte, you can't, I can't ask that of you—"

"You're not asking me, I'm telling you." I stand, trying to convey my point. "I'm not ready to close the book on us. Not yet. You need to be there for your mother, that is more than understandable, but I won't just eliminate you!"

"Okay," Rhett's voice is soft now and that's when I realize I'm the one crying now. He stands too, his hands on my shoulders. He stands so close and I can feel the grief rolling off of him as he steadies both of us, pressing his lips to my forehead and murmuring, "Okay."

—

I told Natalia that I wanted to choose the movie for tonight and gave her a look when she tried to argue. She's literally chosen every single movie since we started movie nights, and it's always a chick flick. At least, that's what several of the guys have told me. In truth, I haven't attended many movie nights. I know they have several a week but I've only been to a couple. Tonight though is different.

Rhett left a few hours ago and I pray with all of me that he makes it in time to be with his mother. But he's also kind of right. Just because he's gone, doesn't mean I stop dating the others. I wasn't lying, his spot will remain open for as long as he wants it, but at the same time, I can't not date while he's gone. Especially because I can't say he's the one for me. I just know he's not not the one.

"Charlotte, I heard you picked the movie tonight, tell me it isn't a chick flick," Danil beams at me from his front row seat. He's got a mouth full of popcorn and I really can't understand how he can still eat after the dinner we just had.

I sit down in the third row, next to Levi and glance at him before answering, "Well, I'm not really sure. I've never watched this movie. I've read the book though."

Levi shifts next to me, avoiding eye contact and I can feel my cheeks flare hot. He's been avoiding me all week, at least that's how it's felt. Every time I've tried to talk to him, he's given me blunt answers and moved away, always finding someone else to talk to.

At least before, when he wasn't speaking much he would at least look at me. Looks that I could feel, looks that were heavy with something. But lately, ever since our date, it just feels completely different. Like he... doesn't like me.

"Ah man, movies based off of books are the worst." Danil sinks back into his seat, not noticing the tension between me and Levi.

"Dude, how can you say that? Lord of the Rings? Harry Potter? The Green Mile? All amazing movies and books," Linus argues and I'm grateful that he's stolen Danil's attention for now because I feel like I can't breathe.

"I chose Pride and Prejudice," I tell Levi softly, trying to bridge the chasm between us. I look down in my lap, fidgeting with my hands, unable to bear his indifference as I continue, "I've never seen it and I remember you mentioning it once."

It takes all of my strength but I somehow manage to glance up. All of the heat in my body evaporates as he gives me a nod, mumbling something about wanting a drink and moves away. It's like someone poured ice water over my head and the rejection stings. I think what hurts most is not knowing what it is that I did wrong.

I turn back to my lap, willing myself not to cry. I can't cry, not with all of the guys here. They'll know something is wrong and I can't explain to a room full of men that I'm crying because one of them won't talk to me. What would they think of me? Probably that I'm pathetic or dramatic or attention-seeking or one of the many other things I've been called online this week.

The lights dim, signaling the start of the movie and I can't help but laugh to myself. Here I am in a room full of men trying to date me and I'm sitting by myself. Just when I think to leave though, Ambrose sinks into the seat next to me. I glance up at him and he gives me a small smile.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to finish something up," he whispers in my ear and I force a small smile. He scooches lower in his seat so he's almost level with me and leans close. "I haven't seen this one yet, you?"

I shake my head. "No, just read the book."

"Me too," Ambrose's smile is easy as he looks at me, not caring that there's a movie playing. All of the distance I've been feeling with Levi, I've been feeling the opposite with Ambrose. It's like every time I've needed someone next to me the most this last week, there he's been.

Like tonight before dinner. I had just told the others about Rhett and his mother. Most thought that meant he was out of the competition and I tried explaining to them that no, that's not what it meant. They weren't getting it, but Ambrose spoke up, asking them to put themselves in mine and Rhett's shoes. He made them realize what I was failing to get them to understand. Afterwards, he hugged me and told me he thought I was doing the right thing. I hadn't realized until that moment how much I needed to hear that.

"Well, let's see what all the fuss is about," I say softly and he grins softly. Then he surprises me.

"Cookie?" He holds up a familiar container and my jaw drops.

"Are those?"

"Eggnog vanilla chai," Ambrose answers, nodding softly and shoving one in his mouth. "I would have never put these two together, but when I was researching Taylor Swift, they kept coming up and I had to try them."

I snort softly. "But you're such a health nut."

"A cookie is a cookie, Charlotte," Ambrose says sternly but I can tell he's pleased he surprised me.

"Shhhhh!" Danil says from the front row and I have to bite back a laugh as I take a cookie from Ambrose. "We're trying to watch the movie."

—

I don't know why but as I watch Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy dance and flirt and fall in love, I'm completely engrossed in their story. I've always liked Pride and Prejudice, sure, but right now, it's like I'm feeling everyone one of Elizabeth and Jane's emotions.

At one point, I even start to cry.

I'm not entirely sure why I'm crying. One minute I'm just watching Mr. Darcy propose to Elizabeth a second time and the next thing I know I can feel tears sliding down my cheeks. I sink lower in my seat and turn my head from Ambrose, trying to discreetly wipe them away when my eyes snag on another.

Levi, and he's watching me. I stare at him, an open book trying to convey everything that I'm feeling. I can't tell if he sees it all but for the first time in days, it feels like he sees me. I'm surprised by my sudden intake of breath and it seems to break the spell between us. He suddenly looks back to the movie and I mirror his reaction, turning back to the screen myself.

"Hey," Ambrose's voice is suddenly in my ear and I turn to him, surprised by how close he is. His forehead creases in concern as he wipes my tears. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" I shake my head, trying to convey that I don't want to talk about it. He looks at me a moment longer before seeming to understand and nods. Then he surprises me even more.

He pulls on the arm rest between us, lifting it so it no longer separates us. I didn't even know these seats did that. Ambrose gives me a small smile as he holds out his arms, welcoming me into them.

I don't even hesitate. At that moment I just want comfort so badly that where I'm at no longer matters. I lean into Ambrose and let him hold me as he gently strokes my back.

"It's okay, Charlotte," Ambrose's whisper is quiet, so quiet I almost can't hear it but it's still there anyway. He rubs my arm, holding me closer and lending me his heat. "It's all going to be okay."

And I so, so want to believe him.

April 15th

3:30 pm

"There you two are!" I exclaim, moving into the mostly empty game room. I glance up just in time to see Wynnie and Bard spring apart, putting a good few feet between them and I narrow my eyes. "Were you two hiding from me?"

"Of course not," Bard's voice starts but Wynnie cuts him off.

"Yes, we were," Wynnie's face stays stoic but Bard flushes from head to toe.

"Don't be mean." I stick my tongue out at my cousin and she chuckles.

"You asked the question." She shrugs and moves to the other side of the pool table to take her shot. "Now, were you looking for me?"

She hits the cue ball and I can't help but marvel at the precision as her shot sinks three of her balls simultaneously. I look at her. "All of those weekends playing weren't wasted on you, were they?"

"No, no they weren't," she says but she's not looking at me, she's looking at Bard.

I glance between them. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Not at all," Bard says hurriedly and I tilt my head, taking him in. But his guard mask is on and when I glance back to my cousin, she's not any better. Neither of them are going to talk, I might as well accept that now and move on with my life.

"Charlotte, what's going on?" Wynnie asks as she moves around the pool table, lining up her next shot.

I sigh and sink into a nearby couch, not needing to watch my cousin play to know she'll dominate the table. She's always been like that, good at almost everything she does, all she has to do is try whereas I always feel like I fail. Just like I'm failing now.

"I'm hiding," I tell them, burying my face in my arms.

"From?" Wynnie coaxes but I can tell she's concentrating on her next shot.

"My father," I whine and sink lower into the couch. Neither Wynnie or Bard say anything and I can tell they're waiting for me to explain. "He wants me to eliminate someone. Two would be his ideal and I just don't want to deal with him."

"But Rhett just went home," Bard argues the same thing I tried to point out.

"Yeah, but he says I should have eliminated him and just be done with it," I say glumly. My chest clenches at the thought of it. "He doesn't understand why I would keep a spot open for him."

"Because you're not heartless, the man went to be with his dying mother," Wynnie mutters under her breath and relief washes through me. Finally someone else gets it. I feel like I've had to explain this so many times and it's made me second guess myself at every turn. I mean, really, can no one see Rhett and I together? I had thought maybe we'd make a good match but if I'm wrong about him, am I wrong about everyone?

It's enough to make my head spin.

"Well, who does he want you to send home?" Bard asks, crossing his arms. Part of me wonders if he feels protective of the remaining guys. He was friends with some of them, still is. I sometimes still find him and Levi and Linus hanging out when Bard's off shift.

"You know the answer to that already," Wynnie tells Bard with a sigh.

"Levi," Bard says lowly and something about even them admitting it out loud makes anxiety course through my body.

"Yeah, Levi," I say heavily and bite my lower lip.

Wynnie takes a look at me and straightens, reading something on my face. "Wait, you're not actually considering eliminating him, are you?"

"I— kind of," I admit and something in my cracks at the words. Wynnie looks shocked and Bard looks about one step above shocked. "I don't want to but—"

"But you always said from day one you wouldn't let your father influence you," Wynnie cuts me off.

"I'm not!" I argue, shaking my head.

"And up until now, you've always refused to eliminate him for no reason," Bard cuts me off again and I stiffen. "Why change your mind now?"

"It's not for no—"

"Really, Charlotte, you were just saying how his date was easily the best date you had despite Luc ruining it," Wynnie sighs and the look of disappointment on her face is painful.

"Levihasn'ttalkedtomesincethedate," I blurt out in a rush before they can continue their interrogation.

They both look at me, clearly surprised and then look at each other. Bard clears his throat. "Sorry, what?"

I fidget with my hands once more, not able to look them in the eye. I take a moment to collect myself and finally look up, but I still won't meet either of their gazes. "Levi hasn't talked to me. I've tried to start conversations but he— I don't know. I think he lost interest."

My stomach sinks even lower and something in my chest actually hurts at the words. I hadn't realized how much it might hurt to be rejected or how much I feared that whoever I chose in the end might not actually like me back. Or worse, like me for a bit and then just stop. I've always intended to be sure that whoever I choose in the end would of course have just as much of a say in our future, but I guess I also always assumed that anyone who wasn't falling for me would say so and bow out. I guess I assumed that by this point any remaining men would have a genuine interest in me. I guess it's true what they say about assumptions.

"No, no way." Wynnie shakes her head, refusing to believe it. I'm surprised. I knew she had a favorite but I never thought it might be Levi. I always thought he was just one of my hidden favorites, but the steel in Wynnie's eyes tells me that's not true. She shakes her head and moves closer to me. "I've seen the way the man looks at you. He's interested."

I roll my head, already tired of the conversation and how much my emotions are battling. "I thought so too. But now, Wynn, it's like he flipped a switch. He's always polite, but anything I ask, it's practically one word answers. If I come near him, he finds the first opportunity to move away. I even picked out a period piece for movie night and tried to sit next to him? He said he needed a drink and never came back. He literally sat on the opposite side of the room as me. Does that sound like he's interested?"

Wynnie bites her lip and I can tell she understands. She sees the signs too for what they are. Levi doesn't want me.

A shiver runs through me when I think that thought and I realize my cousin is no longer looking at me, she's looking at Bard.

"You know something," she says lowly, all accusations.

But Bard holds up his hands. "I know nothing."

"I don't believe you, you look like you have something to say," Wynnie accuses him, coming closer and I can't help but notice how easily she invades his space. "Bard, tell us."

"I can't." Bard shakes his head and my heart sinks. I hadn't realized how much I had been hoping he would have something to contradict all of my fears, but it seems I was wrong. Bard's eyes find mine over Wynnie's head. "I will say I think you should talk to him."

"What's the point?" I whine, laying back on the couch, exasperated. "I've tried talking to him, several times. It's not working, I think- I think I need to just read the signs Levi's giving me and- send him home."

"You can't do that," a voice interrupts me and I sit up, surprised.

"Linus, what are you—"

But he cuts me off, "You can't eliminate Levi."

"Linus I—" I rub my forehead, feeling like a migraine is coming on. "I know he's your roommate and you two have a bond but—"

"It's not that," Linus sighs, pushing his glasses up his nose as he comes to sit beside me. He takes my hand in his and laces our fingers together and I sit up straighter, curious to know what could be so serious for Linus. "Charlotte, please know that I have greatly enjoyed our time getting to know each other, but I think you and I both know that this," here he points between us as he smiles softly. "We're only meant to be friends, best friends I hope."

"Linus, I—" I open my mouth to argue, to say anything because I really, really care for Linus. But he cuts me off.

"Think about it," Linus looks me in the eye and I deflate a little. He quirks an eyebrow in challenge. "Do you want me to kiss you right now? Or is this," he holds up our hands, "the most you'll ever be comfortable with?" I inhale, ready to argue, to say anything but he continues, "I'm okay with this. I am so lucky to have gotten this rare chance to get to know you and come so far. And I'm not asking you to send me home! I kind of want to see how this all plays out, but Charlotte, you can't send Levi home. Not yet. You two— it's different, even I can tell. And I know he cares about you, I know it."

"Ha-has he said anything?" I ask him, my voice small and my throat feeling sticky. I hope so, I really really hope so.

But Linus shakes his head. "No, but I see the way he looks at you."

"Everything changed this past week!" I cry, standing and pacing a few steps away. I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes as a heavy weight settles on my chest once more. "That's what I'm trying to tell you, all of you. Something changed and I don't know what!"

"Sweetie," Wynnie says softly, coming to stand in front of me and placing her hands on my shoulders. I can tell I'm crying now, frustrated and overwhelmed and unsure. She smiles sadly and rubs my shoulders. "It sounds like what they're trying to say is to really find out, you have to get him to talk to you. Don't back down."

"How?" I ask her, feeling completely lost.

"You'll figure it out, if you really want to, you'll figure it out," Wynnie whispers as she pulls me into a hug. I release my sob then and soon, I feel two more sets of arms wrapping around me. For the second time this week, I'm in the middle of a group hug and I am so grateful for my friends.

—

I make my way slowly out to the back garage. It took a lot of asking around, but finally someone was able to direct me back here. I hadn't realized that Levi had asked to help out by working on the cars, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. From his application, it's clear that he spent a lot of time putting himself through school for this kind of work and he clearly enjoys it. I should have thought of this earlier.

I enter the garage without saying a word. I don't know if he's noticed me coming in yet, but he says nothing. The only sound in the garage is my footsteps and the music playing faintly on the radio. I'm surprised no one else is out here, but then again, I'm not. We only have a couple of mechanics on staff and a few drivers, and I'm pretty sure my parents and brother are off grounds.

Levi's on one of those sliding things, under a black SUV and if it were anyone else, I'd be worried. But this is Levi. He makes a living working on cars and he's proven himself more than trustworthy.

Now I just have to trust him to give me the truth.

I move to the desk closest to where Levi's working and sink into the used office chair. I pull my legs up, hugging them to my chest, the cracked leather squeaking in protest and look down at where he continues to work. He still hasn't said anything, hasn't even acknowledged I'm here. Fine, it looks like it's up to me to break this silence that has built between us.

"I need to ask you something and I need you to be honest, okay?" I ask his legs since that's still all I can see. I wait a beat, seeing if he'll react and when he doesn't dread creeps deeper into my veins. When I finally open my mouth to speak, it takes everything in me to not cry, "Did— did I do something wrong?"

The question makes me feel so small, so weak. I slam my eyes closed, waiting to hear his voice, his judgment. Instead I hear wheels rolling across concrete and a hesitant clearing of the throat. I open my eyes and am surprised to find him closer than I was expecting, much much closer.

"No," Levi says softly and he starts to reach out towards me but instead pulls back, knitting his brow together. "Why would you think that?"

"I just," I sniffle, ordering myself to stay in control. I will not cry. Not right now, I need answers too much and finally, he has no excuse not to give them. "It's just felt like ever since our date, something's been different. And I don't know what. I can't figure it out and if I can't figure it out then I must have done something wrong."

"No, Charlotte, you did nothing wrong," Levi sighs, coming even closer. He pinches his bottom lip like he wants to say more but is stopping himself.

"Then what? I don't get it. Levi, please," I'm begging him now and this time, it's me that moves closer to him. He only shakes his head. I can tell by the look in his eye that he's shuttering against me again. Panicked, I reach out and grab his arm, trying to stop him from moving away from me. Desperate, I ask him my greatest fear, "Do you— do you not like me? Is that it?"

"What?" No." Levi looks surprised by me and I don't think I've ever been more confused.

"So... you do like me?" I ask him, feeling like a child asking her crush to check yes or no.

"Yes." Levi nods his head like it's the most obvious thing in the world but I furrow my brow in uncertainty. He cups my jaw and makes me look him in the eye. "Yes, Charlotte, I do like you."

"Then I don't—"

"I've never done this before," Levi admits and now he seems more frustrated with himself than anything as he takes his hand back and rubs at his face. I stay silent, waiting for him to continue and after a few moments he sighs and gives me a defeated look. "I've never been in a relationship before, not a real one. I have no idea what I'm doing and that's— that's hard for me. I didn't exactly have a great example of what this all should be or look like and now that this thing is coming to an end, there's so much more to it. I don't know what I'm doing Charlotte, at all."

"Oh," I say, a sense of relief washing over me. He likes me but he's scared. Of what might happen at the end. He's... worried about what the end of this might entail. I can't fight a small smile as this realization settles over me and I sink to the concrete floor in front of him. "Hey, I'm scared too. Terrified. I have no idea what I'm doing on any given day. But shutting me out, won't make those fears go away. I- I thought you wanted to go home."

"Do you want me to go home?" Levi asks, lifting his brow and panic courses through me.

"No! That's my whole point, I was scared you no longer— that you wanted to go home and I—" I cut myself off and take a deep breath. "But I don't want to force anyone to stay here if they don't want to be. That's not fair to you."

"The only reason I want to be sent home for right now," Levi says softly as he leans forward and lightly touches my cheek, "is for Abri's birthday."

I smile softly, inching closer. "I think that can be arranged."

"Charlotte? Are you out here?" a voice calls out in the garage, bouncing off of every metal surface. Levi and I barely have time to put any distance between us when Ambrose's face suddenly appears. I force a smile for him and he looks relieved to see me. "There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Is everything okay?" I ask and am surprised to find Levi giving me a hand up. I wipe at any dust clinging to my pants as I move towards Ambrose.

"Yeah, some of the guys and I were wondering if you wanted to have a game night." He glances at Levi then and seems to take him in. "You're invited too of course, but you might want to clean up first. You're covered in grease."

After inspecting Levi, Ambrose's eyes seem to roam my body and catch on my cheek. I rub at it self-consciously.

"That's what happens when you spend any time around cars," Levi says, handing me a rag. I take it gratefully and move to the old, filmy mirror.

"Not all of us are blessed with such a talent," Ambrose says but I'm not really paying attention to either of them now. Finally the grease seems to mostly be off and I turn back to them. Ambrose looks at me expectantly, "Ready?"

"You coming?" I ask Levi, hesitant to leave him so soon.

"You two go on," Levi says, nodding in the direction of the palace. He puts his hands in his pockets and gives me a rueful smile. "I've got some stuff to finish and a shower to get cleaned up."

"Okay, but hurry," I tell him and I can't help the way my eyes catch on his.

I also don't miss the tone Ambrose uses as he adds, "Yes, hurry up. Don't want that grease staining anything."

As I make my way back to the palace with Ambrose, a feeling of unease unravels in my stomach. Something's telling me to go back, that my conversation wasn't over, that I need more time with Levi. But Levi himself told me to go, reinforced it by sliding back under that car. He assured me he'd be up. So why do I still worry I might lose him at any moment?

Ambrose threads his hand through mine and squeezes. I reward him with a small smile as he opens the door for me and before I know it, he's ushering me into the game room, the voices of the other guys drowning out any sense of unease still lingering. But it doesn't finally leave me, not until an hour later when Levi joins us, hair still wet from a shower.

He gives me a smile and finally, finally, I feel like I can breathe again.

April 17th

1:33pm

"Charlotte? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Audrey whispers in my ear and I look up at her confused. This is weird. It's Sunday and I'm currently catching up on reports in my father's study. I know I don't have any meetings today and the guys are usually busy talking to their people at home or out exploring the city. It's their day to do whatever they want with and usually I take the day to decompress as well, or as today may be, catch up on work. But Audrey's eyes look frantic so I nod and follow out into the hallway.

"Audrey, what's wrong?" I ask her hesitantly and am shocked when she practically cuts me off.

"You're sister is here," she says quietly but I still startle and close the door more securely behind me.

"I'm sorry, what do you mean? That's impossible." I shake my head at her, wondering what kind of joke this might be.

"I mean your sister, Helena de Silvas, princess of Brazil, is downstairs in the foyer," Audrey says slowly, letting every word sink in. Too bad for her, every word causes more panic to flood me.

"How does he not know yet?" I ask her, glancing towards my father's door.

"He will soon, I thought you might like to get there first," Audrey says and finally I understand her urgency. She's giving me the chance to make this better, though I'm completely lost as to how.

I take off running, determined to get to my sister before anyone else. Luckily I'm already on the first floor, I just need to get there first.

I don't know what I was expecting. Well, I do. I was expecting me to fail, for my father to already somehow be there and throwing my sister out. I was expecting yelling, maybe crying. I was expecting more hurt and disappointment. For things to somehow get worse.

I wasn't expecting my sister to just be standing there, waiting. When she sees me, her face lights up and that's all it takes. Suddenly I don't feel the fear or the worry about what might happen next. I just see my sister and then I'm running to her and wrapping my arms around her. I'm not at all surprised to realize I'm crying. It's my sister. She's here. It feels right.

"Charlotte," her voice finally sounds right, not tinny from the computer. She wraps her arms around me, tucking me into her body just like old times. Comfort washes over me as I realize her perfume is even the same. She's the same but not. I can feel her belly pushing into mine and I gasp happily, pulling back and placing a hand on it. We both laugh as we feel the baby kick.

I look up at my sister, tears fully in my eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you," she says softly, her eyes as kind as ever. I look at her confused but just before she can explain, a booming voice interrupts us.

"Charlotte, move away," my father demands and instantly Hellie and I stand up straight. We look up to the top of the stairs where he stands, a black cloud already in his eyes. He stares at Hellie and then Enzo and Augustus behind us. "What are you doing here?"

Hellie straightens completely, staring our father straight in the eye. "It's time we put this pettiness behind us and act like the leaders we are."

"Pettiness? You walked out on us," my father reminds her, his stare colder than I've ever seen him before. He glances at me and that's when I realize Hellie and I are still holding onto each other. I know he wants me to let her go but something in me screams to hang on. If I let go, will she disappear again? I can't take that risk.

But Helena makes the decision for me. She takes my hands and gives them a squeeze before moving towards the stairs. "I didn't walk out on you, I walked into the future I wanted."

"You left us behind, no answers, nothing," my father spits the words and although they're not meant for me, I feel everyone like a dagger. "You don't get to come flouncing back in, causing even more drama."

"I'm not the one causing a scene!" Hellie yells and it's the first time in years I've heard her raise her voice. It's the first time in years it's felt like my sister was actually here with me.

"What are you two doing?" My mom comes rushing into the foyer, eyes wide and her cheeks flushed with anger. She stops short, realizing that the daughter my father is so openly fighting with is her oldest but turns back to her husband. "Really, you know better. We need to take this out of the hallway."

"Why, Mom, worried someone will know the royal family isn't perfect?" Hellie says, earning her a glare from our mother as well. They lock eyes for some of the longest moments of my life and I can't believe this is happening. Then something I really wasn't expecting happens. My mother's eyes dip, noticing for the first time Helena's baby bump and her eyes widen.

"You're pregnant," she says dumbly, staring at my sister's stomach.

Hellie shifts and glances over her shoulder where Enzo still stands, holding Augustus. "Yeah, for the second time."

Something passes between my mother and my sister then, something I don't fully understand. But when it ends, my mother simply nods and takes Helena by the hand and leads her up the stairs toward Dad. "Come," she says. "We'll figure this out."

I start to follow but they both stop me.

"This is my fight," Helena says softly and kisses me on the cheek. She looks at Enzo for a long moment and he only nods once before she follows Mom the rest of the way. Together, Enzo and I watch them go, a stupified silence hanging between us.

"So, would you like to meet your nephew?" Enzo asks me in heavily accented english. He grins at me and instantly I can see why my sister fell in love with this man.

"I've been dying to," I tell him, a matching smile on my face. Enzo turns so Augustus can see me and begins speaking fluent Spanish to the young boy. When Augustus turns to me, his wide eyes finding mine, my heart immediately swells with all the love I've been holding back. This is my sister's child, my blood. And I know at that moment, I would do anything for him.

And I would do anything to keep him, all of them, in my life.

—

"So how did it go?" I ask, straightening in my chair as Helena sinks into the reading chair across from me.

She sighs and stretches her legs out. "All this travel has worn me out."

"Hel," I whine, looking at her.

"Char," she returns, blinking at me, almost irritated. She glances around the library. "Where are my husband and son?"

"Augustus was getting fussy so I showed them where the kitchen was," I tell her, feeling a little guilty for not staying with them but I figure we won't keep my father on our good side by neglecting my reports.

"Ah." Helena checks her watch and nods. "It's snack time." She doesn't say anything else for a few long moments and the anticipation is killing me. But then again, that was always Hellie's style. To everyone else, she always seems so kind and caring. But with me and Luc, she's still a big sister, designed to get under our skin. Finally she glances up at me. "We're staying."

"For how long?" I ask her, barely hiding my excitement.

"However long you want me here," Hellie says nonchalantly, looking at her nails.

"How'd you convince Dad?" I ask her, my mind spinning. Dad always said Helena would never step a foot back into this palace. That she disgraced us, left us high and dry and ruined her reputation and damaged our own. For her to get him to come around...

"He's still not fully there but mom put her foot down."

"Mom?" I ask in surprise. "I can't imagine Mom standing up to Dad, ever. They're like... always so in sync."

"I think seeing me pregnant changed something for her," Helena says. I look at her quizzically but she just smiles a knowing smile. "You'll understand one day."

"Okay, but that doesn't answer my first question," I tell her and now it's her turn to be confused. So I explain, "Why are you here Hellie? Why now?"

She sighs. "I don't like what my choices have done to you or Luc. I've always regretted how it impacted your lives. This is me trying to make up for it, to undo some of it." She sits forward and takes my hand in hers. "I want to be here for you, to help you. As much as you'll let me."

"What, like with the Selection?" I ask her, trying not to roll my eyes. Everyone has an opinion on the guys.

"For a start, yes," Hellie says and the more she talks the more I detect Enzo's accent in her voice. I smile to myself. It's sweet that she's picking up some of his mannerisms. But then she grins that knowing grin of hers and I know I'm in trouble. "I've already met one young man and I must say sister, I wholeheartedly approve."

"Who?" I ask her, suddenly curious as to who it was she could have met and approved of so quickly, but she only winks at me.

"I think it's time I go find my husband, show him my childhood home," she says evasively, obviously enjoying the quiet agony she's put me in.

"Hellie!" I call out after her as she exits the library. "Who!?"

April 18th

8:22 am

"Hi, Abri?" I ask hesitantly into the phone, crossing my fingers that I didn't catch her at a bad time. I know some people aren't early risers but I would think she would be getting ready or already heading to school.

"Yeah?" the younger girl asks just as hesitantly and I realize my error.

"Hey, it's Charlotte," I tell her and I hear a woosh of air leave her. I chuckle at myself, "Sorry, I probably should have led with that."

"No, no you're fine, I just— never thought the princess would ever be calling little old me," Abri says and I can practically hear the smirk in her voice.

"First of all, if you're old, what am I?" I ask her, sinking into my desk chair and I can hear her laugh now. "Secondly, I thought we were friends."

"It feels weird to call the princess my friend," Abri says and I think I can hear her shuffling around.

"How about calling Charlotte your friend?" I ask her, worrying at my lower lip.

"I think I can manage that," she says and I have to wonder what a normal morning in her house is like, especially now that Levi has been gone for so long. When I wait too long to respond she asks, "So is there a reason my friend Charlotte is calling me on a Monday morning?"

"Right, sorry," I mumble and shift, pulling my leg up to perch my chin on it. I can feel my cheeks heat up and I'm grateful she can't actually see me. "I was looking for your advice."

"... On?" Abri seems to hesitate and I'm suddenly aware that she's stopped moving around.

I take a deep breath. "So, I don't know if he told you but my date with your brother kind of got cut short by my idiot of a brother and... Well, I was wanting to set another date up with him? And I'm kind of at a loss of ideas. Everything I come up with feels either already done or just completely not Levi."

"So... you're asking me to help you plan a date for my brother?" Abri asks stoically and I have to admit this is not the Abri I was expecting.

"Yes?" I say it as a question, unsure of myself all of a sudden.

There's silence on the other end of the phone for a long moment and when Abri speaks again, there is an excited tone to her voice, "Okay, cool. Yeah, I think I can help with that."

"Really? This isn't too weird for you?" I ask her, unsure of myself all of a sudden. It had felt like a good idea to call Abri, especially since I need to talk to her about her birthday anyways, but now that I'm actually asking for her advice, I worry I crossed a line.

"Nope, not at all, and I promise I'll even help you plan a date he will like," Abri says and I can hear a hint of her signature smirk in her voice. This was the Abri I had been expecting to get on the phone.

"Okay, but before that, I also wanted to talk to you about your birthday," I tell her, figuring her birthday is actually the more important thing.

"What about it?" Abri asks almost hesitantly and my heart falls. Surely she doesn't think I would do nothing for her.

"Well, Levi mentioned going home next week for it—"

"No!" she all but shouts and I stop, surprised. She must be too because I can hear her clear her throat. "No, I mean, as much as I would love for big brother to be here, you don't have to send him home."

"Abri, it's your birthday, I think Levi would be hurt if he missed it," I tell her, confused. "And that's not fair to you." When she doesn't say anything I hedge, "Abri, is everything okay?"

"What? Yeah! Everything's fine!" she says in a rush and I'm even more surprised when she adds, "Um, Charlotte, I really got to get to school. Can I call you later?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah just call me on this number when you're free," I tell her, worry now a knot in my stomach. Something doesn't feel right but I can't put my finger on what.

"Will do," she says, sounding infinitely more cheerful. "And don't worry Charlotte, I'll come up with the best makeup date idea!"

"I have no doubt," I say, still a little uneasy about the turn this conversation has taken.

"Okay, bye Charlotte, talk to you later!" she practically sings in my ear before hanging up and as she does, I just look at my phone for a few long moments.

What just happened?

—

I watch as several men approach Hellie or Enzo after dinner. My father insisted on doing a huge formal thing tonight to "announce" the return of my sister. Like the whole palace, no, the whole nation, didn't already know. Ambrose reaches out to shake my sister's and then Enzo's hand in greetings, closely followed by Quentin and Danil. They chat animatedly and I can't help but wonder what exactly they're saying, and if one of them is who my sister met yesterday.

"So I heard you had an interesting conversation with my sister," Levi says softly, ducking his head as he steps up beside me.

"How do you even know that?" I ask him, my eyes narrowed. I thought the guys didn't have access to their phones. That's why they have free access to whatever they need on Sundays.

He shrugs. "Abri has her ways."

"I really shouldn't be surprised," I say with a small smile. Levi glances down at me, takes me in and then stiffens slightly. I frown then, unsure why this keeps happening. I thought we'd moved past this distance. I try to break the lingering tension, "So, what was her suggestion?"

"She actually asked if she could come here that day," Levi tells me and I frown, slightly confused. He just shrugs. "She said there's not many girls who get the opportunity to spend their birthday in the palace and asked me to ask you."

"Ah," I say, understanding dawning on me. Abri had asked to come here for her birthday, not our date. That makes much, much, more sense. "Yeah, whatever she wants. Let me know if there's anything special you want to do or have done for her?"

"Of course," Levi says softly. We stand there, not quite comfortable in our silence, but not wanting to part either. It's awkward, but still better than last week. It gives me hope that we can get back to that, that maybe a makeup date will actually fix what broke between us. I want the old us back. So, so badly.

"Thank you, Charlotte," Levi says suddenly and it takes me by surprise. I blink up at him and watch as he swallows before explaining, "You have gone above and beyond what I ever imagined for me and for Abri. So, thank you."

I soften a bit at his words and I can't stop myself from reaching out to him, "Of course. Levi, of course, you're—" I swallow myself, forcing myself to be more open with him. "You're important to me, and Abri's important to you. So anything she wants." Then I add with a grin, "Within reason, of course."

It looks like it takes a lot for him, but Levi returns my grin. "Of course."

April 20th

2:45 pm

I glance nervously at the gym doors as we approach. When Abri finally got back to me with a date idea, I had to scramble to find a gym with a class and then scramble again to find a gym with an opening in a class. MMA was the last thing I thought Abri would suggest but the more I looked into it, the more it fit the girl. I wavered for just a moment at first, unsure but Abri knows her brother best so I figured why not? Besides it gets us out of the palace a bit more, and some of our best dates have been outside of the palace.

I glance at Levi now and I have to stop myself from gulping. He looks so confident, so at ease with his gym bag slung over his shoulder that I can't help but feel like a child compared to him. Unlike him, I have no idea what I'm walking into. Unlike, I have no confidence in myself that I will be good at this at all.

I take a deep breath as we reach the doors and hope that the nervous smile I give Levi isn't too strained as he holds it open for me.

Crossing into this professional gym is completely different than the one at home. At home there's pretty much all the same equipment but it's usually empty save the random guard or two. I can blast whatever music I want, stay on whatever machine I want for however long I want.

But here... there are people everywhere.

When we walk in I have to swallow down my nerves and replace them with the calm and collected mask of Princess Charlotte. I hadn't anticipated so many people. I hadn't been anticipating so many women. But here they are. All grouped up and chatting, some helping others on a machine or another, some helping each other stretch. Far too many casting appreciative glances in Levi's direction. I feel my cheeks redden as I notice how put together they all look and am relieved when a group of men walk by and into a separate room, apparently where some of the heavier weights are located. For a moment I had worried I had brought Levi into an all-women's gym.

"Can I help you?" A particularly flirty-eyed blonde asks from behind a counter. A quick glance at her name tag tells me that her name, Heather, figures.

I paste on my best smile. "Yeah, we're here for the MMA class?"

Her dark eyebrows shoot up. "The MMA class? Are you sure?" Even when I nod she still doesn't look like she believes me and gives me a fake pout. "I'm so sorry, but that class is full. You have to have a reservation."

"Um, I do," I tell her, shifting uncomfortably. "It's under Grace Hallsted."

She glances at the clipboard in front of her, glancing through the listed names. The fake pout seems to stay there until towards the bottom, her eyes snag on my fake name.

"Ooooh, here you are. I didn't see you since it was such a last minute reservation," her words are normal enough but for some reason with everything Heather says to me feels like she's talking down to me. She glances up at Levi from under lashes. "Does that make you James Hawke?"

"I guess it does." Levi smirks, looking down at me.

"Not Hallsted?" Heather asks him and I can feel my entire flush deepen. Levi looks at her quizzically but Heather only smiles what I am sure is her most angelic smile. "In that case, right this way."

Heather circles around the desk and leads us to a back corner of the gym. As we follow I can't help but notice that she puts emphasis in her steps, making her hips sway just a touch more than what I assume is her normal gait. It takes everything in me not to snap at her as I grit my teeth. Finally she stops in front of a door labeled 'Gents'. "This is the men's locker room. You can change here, James."

"Thanks," Levi says, not moving immediately to the door, staying by my side.

After a moment, Heather shifts, turning to me and pointing over my shoulder. "The ladies room is over there."

I turn to see where she's pointing and find the Ladies locker room across the building from where we are now. I take a deep breath. See this is why I never liked attending mixed classes or full classes at all. This is why I always preferred to work privately with a tutor. Women can be so petty towards each other and dance is supposed to be my safe space. I don't need the extra drama.

"Thank you, Heather," Levi says to the blonde, dismissing her. Then he turns to me. "Come on, Grace, I'll walk with you."

I'm not entirely convinced that Levi knows what Heather was doing, but I am still grateful to him as he places a hand on the small of my back and leads me across the gym. I want to throw a smug smile at her over my shoulder, but that wouldn't be considered very princess-like. Instead, I tip my face up towards Levi. "Thank you, you don't have to walk me though."

"Why don't I see any guards?" Levi asks under his breath, his eyes darting around, evaluating everyone.

"Hey, relax," I say, turning to him, laying my hand on his arm. I glance around the room with my eyes. "There's like three in here and there will be at least one other in the room with us."

He relaxes a bit. "Oh."

"Besides, this is a self-defense class," I tell him. "They really shouldn't be necessary."

"Better safe than sorry," Levi says just as softly, his gaze roaming my face. There's something in his eyes that I can't quite name. Some emotion that makes my heart jump and my stomach clench. For some reason, it makes me relax.

"Well, uh," I clear my throat, breaking eye contact. I hate to leave him to walk back across the gym, but I really have no choice. I hook a thumb over my shoulder. "I guess I'd better get changed."

"Meet you here, right after," Levi nods, smiling softly. He waits until I actually enter the changing room and I can't help the smile on my face when I finally do.

"Yeah, if I had a man as hot as that, I'd be smiling too," an older redhead smiles at me as soon as I enter. I can't help the blush that flares in my cheeks or the hesitation in my steps. She notices and her grin widens as she approaches me. "Don't worry, I'm no Heather. Besides, I don't know if you noticed, but he only had eyes for you."

Great, now I think my blush is permanent.

—

"Okay, that's it," I pant, wanting nothing more than to lie in the middle of the classroom floor and never move again. I look up into the ceiling, into the lights and into Levi's smug face. "I admit it. This is worse than a class with Madame Dupont. I can't do any more."

"Well, that's probably for the best since the class is over." Levi chuckles, holding his hand down for me to grab. I wince as his grip covers my sore knuckles but allow him to pull me up anyway. "And really, I disagree. This was much easier than a class with Dupont."

"What are you, a machine?" I gape at him and happily accept the bottle of water Taylor, our instructor hands me. The stretching had been fine. I'm all for stretching. But then soon Taylor had us moving into different punches and kicks and I don't even know what else. All I know is that my body was not made for it, as became abundantly clear when after the first hit, I most likely bruised a knuckle or two. Luckily, I brought my own personal tutor.

Not surprisingly, Levi was great throughout the entire class. Something tells me Abri purposely gave me something that Levi would be good at, but really so far, I haven't encountered anything he can't do. But for real, he quickly realized what I was doing wrong at every step and kindly and efficiently corrected me, saving me from seriously injuring myself or being called out in front of the class.

We stand there for a few long moments, letting the others file out past us. I had been surprised, walking into the class area, at how many people had come out for the class, and not even just women. I had been surprised and pleased to find out that most everyone else was a beginner as well. It made it easier to settle in to learn, instead of worrying about how I compare to the others. Levi being there helped as well.

"So should we change?" Levi asks me, his voice bringing me back to myself. I realize I'd been staring at him and if my face wasn't already flushed from the exercise, I'm sure I'd blush once more.

I shake my head though. "Honestly, I am so hungry I don't think I can wait." To emphasize my point, my stomach releases a loud growl. "As long as you're okay, I think I saw a diner across the street?"

"Sounds great to me," Levi says, reaching out, I think to take my hand at first but am slightly disappointed when he takes my water from me instead. But he shakes it in front of me, showing me that it's empty as he walks backwards towards the door. He grins, just slightly. "Ready to go, princess?"

I beam at the title. Just something about Levi, calling me princess, it just feels... right.

—

"And for you, miss?" the older woman in a pink apron asks me with a wink. She's already taken Levi's order, mostly because I just couldn't make up my mind. I'm so hungry at this point, the fact that the menu had pictures of almost everything almost did me in.

I purse my lips, glancing between my two top choices. This is decision time. I can feel both Levi and the waitress staring at me, waiting for me to finally make a decision, but it's not that easy. I love breakfast, no matter what time of day, but a turkey club sandwich also sounds just perfect. I purse my lips and make a last minute, completely different, decision, "I'll have the BLT, no tomato please."

"Fries okay?" she asks, scribbling on her notepad.

I crinkle my nose; I really shouldn't. "Um, what's the seasonal fruit?"

"Melon," she says simply and I'm left disappointed.

"No side please," I say almost sadly, but Levi speaks over me.

"Fries will be fine." He smiles at the older lady as he hands her our menus and when she leaves his expression turns more serious. "If you really don't want them, then I'll eat them. Otherwise, have some fries, Charlotte."

"James," I widen my eyes at him and he mocks my expression.

"Sorry, Grace." He chuckles and runs a hand through his hair. "How'd you choose them anyways?

"The names?" I ask him, lowering my voice and leaning forward. He nods and takes a sip of his ice water. I shrug. "I just used our middle names."

"No, that I got," Levi grins, leaning forward on his elbows. "But 'Hawke'?"

"Like the skateboarder." I shrug, flushing lightly. "But I added an 'e' to not be as obvious."

He quirks an eyebrow. "You really named me after a professional skateboarder, who literally changed the way the world looked at skateboarding?"

He sounds incredulous at the thought and I don't understand why. I shrug. "I thought you were a good skateboarder."

He laughs then, a bright and clear laugh full of joy. Levi shakes his head. "No offense, but I am to skateboarding as you are to MMA. A beginner at best."

"You're better than that," I pout but I can't help but smile at how relaxed he seems. Everytime we get out into the real world, Levi just makes sense. He relaxes, comes into himself and is just confident. He has this pull that just makes me want to be around him more and more. He has that too in the palace, but he lets something overshadow it. He's always more content to stay in the background and rarely is the first to speak up. Seeing this side of him, it almost makes me sad.

"You give me too much credit." Levi shakes his head.

"You don't give yourself enough," I reply easily and happily lean back as our waitress brings us our food. I snag a fry off of my plate and chew it thoughtfully. "That was really fun though. You should teach me more."

"You'd really want to learn more?" Levi asks me and it almost hurts that he's surprised.

"Yeah, didn't you see how good I was getting?" I grin at him as I chew on another fry. Yeah, okay, he had been right about getting fries. Now that my food is in front of me, I'm starving. I don't stop myself as I take a huge bite of my sandwich but then I realize, Levi never answered my teasing question. I glance up at him, my mouth still full to find him watching me. I gulp what I can down and wipe at my mouth. "What? Why are you staring?"

Levi just shrugs. "Is the food good?"

"Um, yeah," I tell him, narrowing my eyes at him. "Why?"

"Last time, you told me how it's hard for you to eat in public." Levi shrugs again and my stomach clenches at the reminder. Then he looks up at me and I can tell he means his next words, "I'm glad that you trust me enough to eat in front of me."

"It's not about eating in front of you guys, it's—" I set my sandwich down, hating how his words make me sound.

"No, I'm sorry, I know," Levi says softly. I shift uncomfortably and he clears his throat. "I, I only meant that I'm glad you feel comfortable around me."

I shrug. "You make me feel safe."

I don't intend for the words to have as much weight as they do, but I can't take them back. Because it's the truth. Levi does make me feel safe. Whenever I'm with him I not only feel comfortable enough to try something new, but I feel like even if I fail, I won't be judged for it. He'll laugh, sure, but it's only in the best way, always laughing with me.

Levi doesn't say anything and when I finally look up, I find a war in his eyes. My slight smile turns to a frown at those emotions swirling behind Levi's mask. I watch him quietly as he comes to terms with what I told him. I don't know what I was expecting. Something, anything really, but Levi never seems to get there. Instead, we get interrupted.

"Charlotte, we need to move you, now," Chatham says lowly in my ear and I about jump. I hadn't even heard him coming. I glance up at him, confusion knitting my brow and his eyes drift to the front of the diner. I stiffen, seeing the flashing lights from here.

"How?" I ask my guard, my anxiety shooting up about a million degrees. I can't help but look down at myself. A sweat-stained oversized gray sweatshirt and leggings, and I'm sure my face and hair look even worse than my outfit. Not exactly princess attire. I feel my breathing pick up as the panic sets in.

"I don't know." Chatham shrugs, glancing around the diner. Then he looks down at me with a sorry expression. "And there's no point going out the back. The car is on the street."

Which means no matter what we do, they'll see us.

"Hey," Levi says, reaching out to me, although I can tell it's with hesitation. His face is solemn and I can tell that what I told him at the hockey game is on his mind. He gives me a fake smile. "It'll be okay."

No, it won't.

But I smile at him anyway and nod, signaling that it's time to go. I thank our waitress on the way out. When we reach the door, Levi reaches out to me, taking my right side as Chatham takes my left. As Levi laces our fingers together, I want so badly for it to be for any reason but this. But he knows. The guys must have been taught how to guide me through a crowd. Something about this makes me sad as we head out into the yelling crowd.

I just wanted a good day.

April 22nd

6:20 pm

The chatter around the table does nothing to drown out the thoughts circling in my head.

Royal Crush or Royal Flush?

Battle of the Princesses... and Helena's Winning

Princess Charlotte Steps Out Looking Like a Step-Royal

Tsk Tsk Princess Charlotte, Just Because 35 Applied, Doesn't Mean 35 Will Stay

Even Princesses have to Try

Does Charlotte's Look Tell Us the State of the Crown?

Article after article popped up on every news source possible. Some even posted pictures they happened to get of my sister and Enzo as they got off the plane, comparing and contrasting me and Levi to them. I've tried not to let it get to me. I didn't want this to drive me into hiding once more. But it's been it's own sort of torture.

I should have hidden.

Then I wouldn't have to hear from my mother, how several of them are right. I never should have allowed myself to leave the gym without putting myself back together. I never should have left the gym still dressed for the gym. I never should have ordered fries. I never- I never- I never.

I've barely spoken to anyone in the last few days.

I can't, I don't know what to say. No matter what I do say, it won't be right. It won't compare to Helena. So what does it matter anyway?

Even now, conversation buzzes around me, but I couldn't care less. Food is placed in front of me and I push it around, listening but not, and then it's taken again and more food is placed in front of me.

I just want this over with.

"Charlotte!" My mother's voice snaps through my fog and I jerk my eyes up, meeting her eyes.

I can feel the flush gather in my cheeks and I'm very grateful none of the Selected are here. I blink a few times and when I go to speak, I find I have to clear my throat first.

"I'm sorry, Mom, what were you saying?" I ask her, completely lost and no one is coming to my aid.

"I was asking you when you thought you might end this whole thing." She waves her hand and I have to assume she means the Selection. She frowns at me. "Your father's only lasted two months. Surely you know by now."

"And I was telling mom to lay off," Hellie speaks up from next to me, her eyes narrowing at our mother. She rests a hand on her stomach as she looks at me. "You don't need to rush into this. In fact, it's okay if it's none of these guys."

"It certainly is not," my father's voice cuts in. He shoots a look at me. "This Selection has gone on too long for you to pick none of them."

"They've only been here four months," Hellie points out and a spark of gratitude ignites in me.

"Yes, but it's not like they go weeks without seeing her." My mother shakes her head. "They're around her all the time."

"Still, she's narrowed it down to nine already, stop rushing her," Helena says through gritted teeth and something tells me it's a hill she's willing to die on.

I look to my father, finally speaking up for myself, "Besides it wasn't too long ago that you were on the verge of calling it all off. I just need time."

"You almost called it off?" Mom asks Dad, accusingly.

"After James," I tell her by way of explanation and that shuts her up. That shuts everyone up as they all remember the almost failure. Enzo and Hellie look at me with expectant eyes but I just shake my head. I push back from my seat and lay my napkin on my plate. "And with that, I think I will excuse myself. I'm tired."

I rise from the table to no objections but I only make it down the hallway a bit before I hear my name being called.

"Oh, come on, Charlotte, slow down, you can't make your pregnant sister run," I hear Hellie and I roll my eyes, stopping to wait for her.

"Thanks." She grins at me, huffing as she finally catches up. She links our arms as she steers us towards the gardens. We amble around for a little while, the silence settling over us. I can tell she knows how hard my mind is working, but she's trying to give me space. Too bad, that's not always Hellie's forte. She sighs dramatically. "Okay, out with it, little sister."

"I'm tired," I heave my own sigh, shaking my head, hoping that will be the end of it. But with Hellie, no such luck.

She studies me for a few long moments and then she gets a devilish glint in her eye. She smirks at me. "If you tell me what's wrong with you, I'll tell you the sex of the baby."

She rubs her stomach for emphasis and I narrow my eyes at her. "I thought you said you didn't know."

"The doctor slipped up just before we came here." She rolled her eyes. "Enzo still doesn't know."

"So... would I be the only one to ever find out?"

"The sole keeper of the knowledge," she swears, knowing she has me. And then she tilts her head, amending her statement, "At least until they're born."

I sigh. Do I want to know that badly? Yes. But is it worth telling her everything?

"I'm tired, Hellie," I tell her and when she looks at me she can tell what I mean, but still, I elaborate. "I am so tired of being told that I'm not good enough. That I'm not pretty enough or interesting enough or smart enough. That I'm not a good enough princess, that I won't be a good enough queen. That I can never compare—"

I cut myself off.

We've never spoken of it, this endless comparison between us. It was always there, ever so subtle, in the back of everything anyone ever said. And then she left me and the nation went rabid with the endless comparisons. It was just starting to die down. I was just getting the nation to see me as my own person, my own future ruler, and now she's back. Now they're back to comparing us at every turn, even comparing me and each Selected to her and Enzo as a couple. It's exhausting.

Hellie suddenly looks exhausted too.

"I know," she whispers, her words almost being eaten by the dark. In the little light from the palace, I can see the sorrow in her eyes. "I know they compare us at every opportunity. I know they'd like to see us feud and destroy ourselves in endless jealousy. They would love nothing more than to see us hate and condemn each other for stupid little reasons. But Char, they have always done this to us, to women in general. The trick is, we can't let them."

"I just want to be seen as my own person," I tell her, feeling more helpless knowing she sees these things too. "I just want to be compared to myself."

"If you were a man, they might do that. They might not." Helena tilts her head from side to side. "But unfortunately, we were born women and as such, this is our burden to bear. It's up to us how we handle it, how we choose to see our sisterhood."

"What do you mean?" I ask her, almost in tears.

"Well, when you think of us, our relationship, what moment sticks out to you? How do you see us?" she asks me, taking my hands. I still don't answer her so she continues, "Like for me, I always remember the time the cousins wanted to play basketball but they wouldn't let us play on the same team, no matter how many times we asked. They didn't want two girls on the same team, weakening one over the other. So instead, we sat and had a tea party in the middle of the court, making it so they couldn't play at all." I laugh at the memory and she chuckles with me. Hellie tucks a hair behind my ear. "See? I always think of us teaming up and conquering them all, stronger together."

I laugh again and think about us, what moment defines our relationship. When it comes to me I grin. "I think of the time at my first dance recital, backstage. Nanny Gretchen had already left and one of the other girls had pulled my braid loose, ruining it. Instead of dancing with your group, you stayed behind and redid my hair."

"Horribly," she adds, laughing lightly at the memory.

I nod. "It looked even worse than when it had been loose, but you still did it for me. You tried, for me. You're always helping me."

"And I always will, however I can," Helena says, hugging me tightly. I giggle with her and we stay there like that, for long moments, just enjoying each other's company.

"Come with me? I need to pick up Augustus," Hellie asks after awhile.

"Yeah, where was he?" I ask my sister as she starts to lead me inside.

She just grins at me. "You'll see."

—

"Wait, you left him with Levi Hernandez?" I ask my sister, more than a bit surprised. I don't know where I was expecting Hellie to lead me, but it wasn't to Levi's door.

"Of course." Hellie shrugs and grins at me. "Augustus loved him when he met him the other day. He keeps coloring his arms to mimic Levi's tattoos."

I chuckle. "Really?"

"Mhmm, it's adorable." Helena grins broadly, taking in my reaction to this information.

"Wait, met him the other day? When did he meet Levi?" I'm asking her the question, but she's shaking her head and opening Levi's door.

"Levi?" she asks as we both stop short in the doorway to his room. All over, on every surface are blankets and pillows, stacked and strung up, creating the most massive pillow fort I've ever seen.

At the sound of his name, I hear Levi's voice softly call out, inviting us into the fort. I glance nervously at my sister but she only grins as she ducks down onto all fours and begins crawling into the fort. Well, I'm not going to be the only one not to see this fort, so I follow. It takes us a few minutes to finally find Levi and Augustus and I have to marvel at the quality of the blanket fort. It's somehow even larger inside than out.

When we finally find the pair, I'm surprised to find Augustus sound asleep, curled up against Levi. The kid is literally always bouncing around the room, even late at night. Hellie frequently says he's her little night owl, he's such an insomniac. I glance up at Levi's face and my stomach flips at the way he's looking down at Augustus. His eyes are full of tender affection and suddenly I can't help but think this was how he was with Abri when she was little.

"I think he may love you more than me," Hellie whispers and I can hear the surprised affection in her voice. She grins broadly at Levi as she crawls to her son. "Not fair, Levi. He's not even known you for a week."

"I can't help it." Levi shrugs and even the way he's speaking is gentler, calmer than before. Hellie moves to pull her son away from Levi Augustus only fights her. They both sigh and I can see the tiny smile of pride on Levi's face. All three of us stand, quietly taking the blanket fort down around us, clearing the way for Levi to carry Augustus to the door for us.

Seeing the way Levi is Augustus it makes sense, how close he is with Abri. It also makes sense why my sister would feel comfortable leaving her toddler son in his care. The way he looks at Augustus, after only knowing him for a week, it's like he would protect him like his own. It's fierce and strong and just... good. There's so much goodness in that gaze as he looks down at my nephew. I feel like I got a rare glimpse into who Levi is.

I watch, silent as my sister thanks Levi once more, taking her son into her arms and heading back to her rooms. Back to her husband, so they can go to bed as a family. Safe and sound and loved.

So much love in that family, even as it continues to grow.

I've never seen Helena so happy. I want that happiness. Watching my sister, I'm reminded of why I'm doing this, even if it's not exactly what my parents had in mind for me.

"I can tell you're very glad she's here," Levi says softly and my gaze snaps back to him. I nod, but I can feel the heat flood my cheeks as I'm reminded of that conversation so long ago. Where I sat across a table with him, abandoned by his sister, and told him how much I missed my relationship with my siblings, and of the one I just had with my sister.

"I am," I tell him softly, so much meaning and weight and words I could never really express. Glad doesn't even scratch the surface of how I feel. Relief, indebted, honored, so many emotions roll through me as I look at Levi and I have to duck my head to focus. I take a deep breath and force myself to smile. "Do all kids love you?"

"Not sure, actually," Levi's returning grin turns sly as his teasing glint enters his eyes. "Why? Are you jealous?"

Gah, this man is attractive and I can't deny that I love it when he looks at me like this. It feels like our old selves, from before this last week. Not carefree, Levi was never truly carefree with me, but just more normal. Not as hesitant or quick to hold back. It's this glint that gives me hope that we're getting back to our normal, to our before. So I let myself relax with him as I respond, "That's low Levi, so low."

I mean, the kid met me at the same time as Levi. For him to love Levi more... Well, I'm not entirely surprised. He's kind and charismatic and interesting, especially if you're a little kid who loves coloring. It's easy to like someone like Levi. It's easy to like Levi.

When he doesn't continue to banter, I head toward the door. I don't want to go, but I can't overstay my welcome. And I know the others are having a game night tonight. I turn to Levi, wondering if maybe he's coming too or if he's staying in. I look up at him, wanting to ask, to say anything but nothing seems to come out.

"Goodnight," Levi says softly, a sad smile decorating as he closes the door. I have to admit, I'm shocked. I mean, I was expecting something, anything besides that. If not the offer to walk with me to the game room, maybe an invite to stay and talk. Or some other words... something more.

My chest clenches as I replay his smile in my head. I know what Linus and Bard said about talking to Levi. I know what Levi said about being nervous about the end of this, and not knowing how to be in a relationship. I get that, but I still feel like he's pulling away from me.

I still feel like every time I want more time with him, he wants less with me.

I can feel the frown lines as I quietly enter the game room to raucous laughter. The other remaining men are all around it, playing some card game or another and Danil seems to be the loudest of them all.

"Dude, no offense or anything, but like, I'm honestly surprised you're still here!" I can tell his grin is wide even from the side as he turns to Quentin. At this the others seem to quiet and Danil looks around at them. "Oh, come on, I can't be the only one! I mean, he's just so... awkward. I can't be the only one to think so!" He turns back to Quentin and I can tell by the color in his cheeks, and the bottles in front of him, he's had one too many beers tonight. "I mean, Q, man, you just zone out all the time and you stutter, I mean, what does she see in you?"

"Honestly, right now, I'm wondering what I see in you," I say more than a bit harshly. All five men at the table startle, not having heard me come in. Quentin's cheeks flush redder at me having seen his embarrassment and Ambrose ducks his head guiltily, for not having stopped it I assume.

"Charlotte, I—" Danil's cheeks color as he steps towards me but I hold my hand up, stopping him.

"Honestly, Danil," I say, exasperated at this point. I narrow my eyes at him. "After the past couple of weeks I've been seeing all these things that people have the audacity to say and put out into the world about me and you're going to sit here and do it to your friend? I can't believe you would be that callous."

"Charlotte, I'm so—"

"No, it isn't me who you owe an apology to. And yes, I may be making this a bigger deal than Quentin but I cannot believe you would sit there and put him, or anyone down," I say, all of my anger and frustration coming up. "And if you have the nerve to say it to his face, I can't imagine what you would say behind the security of anonymity."

"Really, Charlotte," Quentin tries to interrupt me and I turn to him, tears forming in my eyes. His face is flushed but the concern in them is all for me.

"No, who is here to sit there and say those things about you? Who is he to say anything about it all? He doesn't know our relationship just like you don't know his, but would you sit there and admonish him for who he is? I don't think so." I shake my head and turn back to Danil, to the others. "With all the negativity out there in the world, the one thing I don't need from my future is more of it." I stare at Danil. "And since that's how you're going to be, then please, get out of my life. I don't need more toxicity, there's plenty of it surrounding me already."

I turn on my heel, not wanting to see any of their faces any longer tonight. I wipe the tears from my eyes as I march back to my room, my anger filling me with more energy than I've had all day. I meant what I said. I don't need that insecurity and toxicity surrounding me anymore than it already is. I'm going to have people second guessing and criticizing me for the rest of my life. I don't need a husband who will join in with them. I don't need someone who will tear down someone they've been around every day for months and are even friends with. I don't need someone who will tear me down at the first chance they feel comfortable enough to do so. I don't need Danil.

In an effort to burn off some of this extra energy, I quickly change and head down to the gym. I need to do something to get my mind off of everything. As I step into the gym, I'm surprised to find Ambrose already down there.

"Are you okay?" he asks me, sounding almost hesitant.

"How'd you know I'd be here?" I ask him, ignoring his question.

"I remember you saying you sometimes run to burn off steam." Ambrose shrugs and steps up to the treadmill beside mine.

I shrug and turn on my machine, cranking up the speed. Ambrose doesn't say anything, just turns his own on, though not as high as my own. I ignore his worried glances as I press the remote, turning music on and up, filling the room with the angry beats. I take a deep breath, shutting everything but the music out, and I run.

I run and run and run until I can't feel it anymore. All of the hurt and frustration and anger is left behind me, pounded into the rotating platform of the treadmill with every step. I run until I can barely breath and then some more until the breaths are heaving gasps clawing their way from my throat. I break my hold on the treadmill, the machine suddenly slowing as I stumble from the belt. I stumble across the gym to the nearest trash can and heave over it, luckily nothing coming up.

I'd forgotten completely about Ambrose being in the room with me until I feel a hand on my back and then gathered my hair from my face.

"It's okay Charlotte," he murmurs softly. "It's all going to be okay."

I don't know if it's all going to be okay. It doesn't feel like it's going to be.

—

I shift and flip in my bed, trying to find the cool side of my pillow, but my mind still won't turn off. I am so, so happy that Hellie, Enzo and Augustus are here. I finally know, without a doubt, that everything on that front of my life will be okay. I will have my sister. I will be a part of my nephew's life. I will be able to have a relationship with my brother in law. Hopefully I will be able to be there for the birth of my next little—

I sit up, shocked. I can't believe I let her get away with it. She got me to tell her what was wrong, but she never held up her end of the deal.

She never told me what the next baby is going to be!

That brat!