KYLO'S POV
I vividly recall that night. Daily.
It never catches me off guard. It is of use to me.
I was so overcome with anger on that evening, so that not an ounce of doubt was present in my thoughts.
Driven by the darkness.
The power had consumed me.
The death. The gruesome murder. The smell of burning flesh and crumbled ruins. None of it even so much as grazed the walls I had built to aid against the grief.
I have not paused to consider another person since that night. There is no need. It would only stray away from my path.
And, yet...
Your body is limp, cradled in my arms. You are something I've found myself increasingly considering.
I recall what it was like. Finding you there, in a small pool of your own blood, eyes wide as you try to cover the wound with your trembling hands.
Your survival instincts had kicked in, even in such a state of terror, almost blacking out from the blood loss. You are a fighter.
I quickly notice my fingers have been digging into your soft flesh. I relax them.
But my jaw clenches.
I would have killed Ushar if not for the Knights involvement. I can still sense his hands on your body, and the lingering trace of his fingers disgusts me.
I will deal with him later.
Your face is peaceful. You needed to rest, even if it is like this.
You asked me why I am helping you.
The question echoes in my mind even now, 23 minutes after I have finished your stitches.
It's true. You are incredibly useful to me. More useful than you even know. You underestimate your own power. To be able to manipulate that for myself... that energy, so close...
So close. I could reach out and brush it with my fingertips.
Just as I could with you; your lips parted ever so slightly, your cheek resting against my chest.
If I manoeuvre this situation to my benefit, I can have what my heart truly desires.
As long as you stay out of the way.
Until then, I don't know what to do with you.
I stand with you in my arms.
Sometimes I ponder if this would be what I would feel like, had I found a wounded pet and taken it in.
No.
It's more guttural than that. Like gravity, energy, or the universe pulls me toward you.
I know why. I can recognise the Force when I feel it. I would understand such raw power from thousands of lightyears away. Be drawn to it. Crave it.
Frustration creeps up the back of my neck. This is exactly why I shouldn't have fucked you. But, how could I not?
You were so... helpless. Beautiful. Yet, even completely under my control you maintained this proud strength over yourself. I am not able to crack into your mind fully, or recently, at all. I have never witnessed such incredible willpower.
I would usually take whatever I want and be done with it.
With you...
I am not certain I could ever be done with you.
It is as if you're in my head, seeking what I want, then deliberately acting in the opposite. Driving me crazy so that I find myself needing so badly to be inside of you, to shut you up, to consume you, that I will do anything to get there.
I can't help but toy with you. With such a responsive face and body, my choices are limited but to test things out. You wear your emotions on that pretty little face of yours. Though, for someone who so casually gives away their mind through their expressions, you refuse to let me into your head. It's locked away, tempting me every day and just out of my reach.
There isn't much I am not able to retrieve in this universe. And you seem to be one of them. I cannot fathom how you've done it. I have never come across someone able to block me from their mind. Occasionally you even seep through the cracks into mine, something only Snoke has been able to achieve in my lifetime.
I place you on the bed, not caring that your blood smears over the sheets. I almost feel a smile tug at the corners of my mouth. You look so perfectly innocent, but I know the truth.
You're simply... the opposite.
Danger lurks under that soft skin. It sparkles in your eyes and calls to you in your weakest moments.
I eagerly await the day you let the shadows encompass you. I will be stood by your side to show you the way in the darkness.
Despite all that I am... you talk to me. You are as determined as ever. You let your passion overwhelm you, and you submit yourself to me so gorgeously. And, yet, immediately afterwards you're back to the same bratty personality that makes me crave you all over again.
It's like a drug. The more you defy me the more I want to break you. Make you scared of me so that you stay far away. Or see just how strong you really are. How much you can take of somebody like me. If, after you're shattered to pieces, you'll pick them up again like I have had to do so many times before.
On the other hand, the more you submit to me, the more I want to make it permanent.
You'd be such a fun little amusement to keep around... Not that I could ever keep you truly submissive, nor want to, but the sentiment of that turning you on... that makes me consider waking you with my cock right this very second. That is exactly what had kept you alive until this point.
A fucked up thought could enter my mind, of course I would try it, test it out for the fun of seeing your confused or scared face contort in anger... to my shock, all the while, you crave every second of it, pressing your thighs together; trying to ignore your body.
My favourite part of you is that you do not back down from me.
You ensure it is all the more addictive when you let me take control. I have you completely, in my hands, for those lust filled moments.
Knowing you listen to what I say, that my words have power in a way they never have before... confuses me. I choose to say little. I can only continue to train you to be my apprentice and hope, for the sake of your life, that you will be smart. Choose the powerful side. Choose me.
I do not worry that if I do something horrible, something monstrous, that you won't want me to touch you anymore.
You will.
I know that you will.
I can still feel you. Even when I'm blocked from your direct thoughts, the Force guides me to exactly what it is you'd like in that very instant. You hate me, but it doesnt stop that primal part of you that begs for me. You crave the darkness, the unknown, just as much as I do.
Hate bubbles under my skin when I think of all you could accomplish should you betray me. I hate you for your beauty and your temptation. I hate that you mirror a younger, naïve version of myself. I despise that you're not on my side yet. I want you next to me, empowered and strong. I want you to want to kneel for me even when you have the option not to. Most of all, I hate that you shut me out. I want back in to that twisted, confused fucked up brain of yours. Even if it's just for the Force to tell me how strongly you despise me. At least then, we can hate each other, and I can continue to fuck you until I feel complete with the knowledge that I have leverage over you.
There are no words to describe my feelings now, as I look at you with your slightly flushed cheeks against my bedspread. I know now, that I hadn't just fucked you for your beauty. But more... your allure, your defiance, your complicated and inconsistently mystifying mind.
There are no proper words. But there is a feeling.
Need.
I need you. Here, now, in my life.
And fuck, I hate to need things. I despise needing people.
It is dangerous. I should kill you on the spot for simply having the thought.
If anyone were to sense this, or hear me, or feel this shift in the Force... I could be bartering with your life either way.
The worst of it is that the need isn't only for the sex. It's the power I gain from it. From you.
Each time I find myself giving in to my urges, a crackling energy surges through me. Like the Force wants this. As if it is foretold. I can feel the darkness inside of you. It is so close to tempting you. You only need to give in. Release.
But there's something in the way. And I'll do whatever it takes so that you're on my side.
I am aware of a boy you used to be with, before. Your old Master.
I sit on the bed beside you, resting my elbows on my knees as I think. This was surely forbidden, a Master and apprentice with relations? I wonder, did you keep it a secret so well?
Skywalker had a son, I am aware of that much. Could this son be the LJ your mind lingers on when left for too long?
My neck cracks as I click it, brushing off the dark clouds that try to settle over my shoulders, heavy and thick.
Perhaps I might infiltrate the base. Or, in the very least, meet somewhere neutral where LJ will be forced to bring support in case of error. In the process, I will be sure to eliminate the problem.
There's no way in hell I'm allowing you to come.
Though it would make for a good test of loyalty... it is too risky.
I am sure it will be the first thing out of your mouth should you hear of the mission. You'll want to come, regardless of the danger or my lack of trust.
Truthfully, I would rather you are not there witness it. If I am to keep you under my influence. On my side.
You'd never be so useful should you witness that kill.
I am waking you up. I need a distraction.
I speak your name, softly, not wanting you to be so jittery as you usually are should you forget your surroundings. It's irritating. I wish you would calm in my presence.
I turn to look at you, but you don't stir.
Huffing a breath, I let my hand fall over your waist. I can't stand the sight of you in my clothes, it's too domestic. I will have to retrieve some for you soon.
The Force rustles through me, and I push it into you with ease, to wake you from your sleep. You gasp almost instantly, your hands gripping onto the sheets as your pupils meet mine in fear.
Power crackles through me. You're scared. I can feel it surging through you.
Only... you're not scared of me. Instead, for Ushar. You worry he's dead.
My jaw locks as I try to contain my anger. Look what he has done.
"What did you just do to me?" You ask, your small voice containing the rage I can hear beneath it. As curious as ever. I assume you refer to the wave of the Force I sent through you. I decide you do not need to know.
"How are you feeling?" I say blandly. I run my finger along the stitches, which causes you to shift away from me. I don't like that. I grab your hip and pull you back toward me. I won't touch it again if it hurts you, but I'll need you to stay close. You're no fun if you're injured... but I feel better just to have you lucid.
"Did you kill him?" You ask, and surprisingly I see no fear behind those eyes at asking me such a thing. A tension builds in my shoulders as the frustration of you ignoring my question sets in. It is only fair since I gave you the same treatment. But I don't bargain for fair.
"He damaged you." I respond, letting my hand explore your body a little further. He hurt you, is what I meant to say. But there's no harm in you thinking I don't care. While I do care, it is simply because of how damned valuable you are and I can't have you knowing a thing about that. Not yet. Goosebumps rise on your flesh under my fingers. I can feel your muscles twitch as you contemplate what to do. "I asked you a question, do you care to answer it?"
You scoff, and I fight the urge to grab your face. It's quite entertaining when you disrespect me. I think I'll let it play out.
"Do you care to answer mine, Commander?" Your eyes slit with disgust. I'm aware of the double standard as I contain my anger for you ignoring me again. Speaking my title with such insult, however, does little to keep the temper at bay.
I shift my body over you, swiftly and carefully, a leg in between yours - just close enough that any movement from you could result in either pain or pleasure. You're taken aback by my movement, but do nothing to stop it.
Above you now, I trail the back of my finger over your cheekbone. Just to feel your skin and see those eyes flicker. I can hear your breathing falter, pupils racing as my face edges closer. I won't kiss you. I only do so when I think it will give me more control. In this situation, I doubt I have anything but.
"Get off." You order me confidently, not moving so as not to disturb your wounded leg or touch me too intimately.
I tilt your head to the side. You let me, a quick breath intake indicating that you like it when I do this. My lips brush over your neck until they raise to your ear.
"Is that what you truly want?" I ask seductively, grazing your earlobe with my teeth. A noise catches in your throat.
From your hesitation I know for certain that you want more. Only then, do I pull back to gaze at those wide eyes of yours.
"Yes, it is." You adjust yourself, looking away from me in denial. "I won't beg."
The thought of that makes me want to groan, remembering the times you've done so before. Your stubborn frown before you give in. Your doe eyes as you let yourself submit. Your relief as you consider that you enjoy it. I'm rock hard thinking of it, and I hope you can feel it too.
I almost can't believe it took meeting such a man as me to release this side of you.
I consider that I shouldn't have treated you so badly, though I would have done the same with any other prisoner. I hadn't known then that you'd be integral to my plans. I'd mostly decided on killing you when you got boring. Yet, here we are.
It was a lovely surprise when you liked it. A slap followed by a clench of your thighs and a confused thought lingering through the Force.
"We'll see." I say. There's no meaning behind it, I don't intend to do anything. But it'll make you squirm, which I very much enjoy.
Truthfully, I've never known a better way to make a person respect me other than violence and manipulation. But with you, I can see that it will take more than that. It's been very rewarding testing things out, so while your presence still hinders my current responsibilities, it's worth it for what I can gain in the end.
You haven't backed down, despite being pinned beneath me. You keep my gaze, a thump of tension in the Force as I contemplate your bravery.
"Try me." You respond, your little hands clenched into fists next to your hips. I lazily hold your face, my fingers grazing over your jaw as I inch closer toward you. The heat between us is magnetic, your back almost arching as if it senses my torso nearing yours. I keep my stare steady, challenging, domineering in the confident way that makes you uneasy. You swallow a little too hard as my knee edges toward the sweet spot between your legs, resting it there as a way to state my control.
Our faces are so close now that our breath mingles, yours tickling the edge of my chin. Your jaw feels incredibly breakable in my grasp. You'd be clever not to piss me off right now.
"You forget who is in charge here." I look down at you, feeling the walls of protection to your mind drop ever so slightly as I hear the end of a thought: -fucking asshole.
"Call me that again and see where it gets you, little padawan." I warn. The flare in your eyes enrages once more. That's precisely why I've taken to calling you that. 'Pet', though, well... that's just fun for me. You can get so angry... it's quite admirable how defiant you truly are.
"I'm sorry." You say, breathless. I look down to see I'm grasping at your neck. I don't even remember doing that. I loosen my grip.
Suddenly I'm not in the mood to mess with you anymore, a sour taste lingers in my mouth.
"Be good." I say neutrally, pushing myself up and away from you. You instantly push yourself away, sitting up with your back to the headboard and your knees to your chest. It's interesting how you do that.
I take your chin in my hands, "will you?" looking for confirmation.
You nod, and with that I exit.
It's only when I reach my meeting that I realise I'd much rather be spending this time with you.
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A/N
sorry its late i was doing essays for college!
pls gimmie ur thoughts i crave attention and feedback would be amazing tyty
also next chapter the knights r backkk and maybe somethings gonna go down with kylo and ushar... who knows ?! (i do teehee)