"How long do you think she's got?" Harley asks tearfully. She can barely breathe between words and I wonder how long before she passes out.
I draw in a shaky breath and intertwine my hands together to stop them from shaking as my legs turn to jelly.
Hex is tense by my side. He's not looking at any of us and instead is looking out the window, hiding his face from everyone and giving the back of his head instead.
Wyonna's doctor by the name of Dr. Murphy had called Harley early this morning with concerns for Wyonna. Harley had called us just as the sun was breaking the skyline. We had only got a couple hours of sleep after Hex had come inside from the freezing cold, his cigarette not helping him sleep at all.
You could definitely tell that he hadn't slept and not only that, he hadn't eaten today either. He had turned a ghostly white when Harley called him and I was worried about him being sick or passing out but he was only silent as we got into the car and drove to the hospice.
"Based on Ms. Rose's current condition and the rate at which shes's declining -" the doctor sighs and I feel my heart sink "- I'd say no more than a month." I have to place my hand over my mouth as I jerk in place and bile rises up my throat.
Harley audibly chokes on a sob and smothers it with her palm. Hex drops his head into his hands as he rests them on his knees. I want to reach out and comfort him but I can't bring my hand from my mouth without the fear of being sick. It feels like the blood had left my body and the saliva had left my mouth.
I look over at Wyonna as she lies on her bed, hooked up to various wires as she sleeps. Her face is gaunt and her cheeks are hollow, the weight loss making her look like a lady twice her age.
"Is there anything we can do?" Harley finally releases her emotions and doesn't hold back her sobs as she cries into her hands. "I can't lose her yet, I'm not ready" she weeps. I hadn't noticed my own eyes welling until tears are already falling down my cheeks and tickling my skin.
Hex is deathly quiet. His leg shakes as he continues holding his head in his hands and his palms sink into his eye sockets. I can see the hairs on the back of his neck stick to his skin as he sweats.
Dr. Murphy can only offer a sympathetic glance, he must see this every day and I wonder if he ever gets used to breaking bad news to family members. He seems somewhat numb to the sadness.
"Unfortunately there's not a lot we can do besides make her as pain free and comfortable as possible." Dr. Murphy isn't doing anything wrong but the more he talks, the more I want to tell him to shut up as I see Hex tensing with every word that leaves his mouth.
My stomach stirs further and I have the sudden urge to run out of the room.
Harley cries harder, her body shaking.
The door bounces open and hits the wall as Banks appears. He hadn't been allowed in the room because he's not family and the only reason I'm allowed in is because I'm Hex's wife but it seems nobody cares now that he's inside. He must have felt her overwhelming emotions from outside and couldn't sit and let her feel it by herself anymore.
I know Hex would do the same for me.
I'm unable to move, even when Banks' shoulder brushes mine as he takes Harley's seat and pulls her onto his lap.
My limbs feel like jelly and I'm scared if I move I'll fall out of my chair.
"I want to go home" Harley whimpers as her hands cover her mouth. Banks says nothing but stands and leads her out of the room. She can't even bring herself to glance at Wyonna as she leaves.
The door closes behind them, leaving me, Hex and the doctor in Wyonna's room. The only sounds are the occasional beeps from machines that are attached to Wyonna.
"Any questions?" Dr. Murphy asks. My eyes meet his as his move between Hex and I. I look over to Hex but he keeps his head in his hands. I look back at the doctor.
"No, thank you" I mumble, my voice thick and croaky.
Dr. Murphy stands from his chair, holding Wyonna's medical papers in his hands as he makes his way to the door.
"Doctor" Hex calls. He doesn't look up but his voice is just as croaky as mine, if not worse and it makes my eyes water again at the thought of him crying.
"Yes?"
"Only my sister and I are allowed in this room, okay? No one else" his voice shakes even though he's trying to be intimidating.
I hate that he has to think about Ace in a time like this. Ace shouldn't even cross his mind but the asshole had been visiting Wyonna without our knowledge and he had made sure to brag to Hex about it last night.
"Of course; family only" the doctor reassure him. He looks to Hex, waiting for him to confirm that's what he wants and he receives a nod.
"If you have any further questions don't hesitate to contact me. I'm sorry for the bad news" he exits Wyonna's room with the door clicking shut behind him.
As soon as the door closes Hex stands abruptly, his chair flying backwards and landing upside down across the room. I jump at the noise and look towards Wyonna but she's still asleep.
Hex huffs through clenched teeth with his eyes closed. The trail of dried tears can be seen on his cheeks and the red flush of his face shows his overwhelming emotions.
So many emotions that he doesn't know how to handle them. The sight of him reminds me of a child and to some extent he is; a child losing his mother.
His fists are clenched as they go from by his sides to above his head, like he doesn't know what to do with them.
He makes sudden movements towards the table in the middle of the room, like he's going to flip it but last minute he stops himself.
"Hex, don't" my voice breaks and a tear runs from my eye to the corner of my mouth, it slips inside when I speak.
I push past the numbness in my body and force myself to stand. I make my way to him, my arms wrapping tightly around his waist partly to make sure my legs don't collapse beneath me and to also comfort Hex. I don't know if he wants to be held or touched at all but I do it anyway because I know he won't ask for it if he does need it.
His arms immediately wrap around me, pulling me so tight against him that I can feel the rapid beating of his heart through his chest. It's pounding and I worry that maybe he should sit down.
His hands unclench and one wraps around my waist while the other wraps itself in my hair, palming the back of my head and stopping me from moving away from him.
I can't see his face and I don't think he wants me to as he rests his chin atop my head. He's crying, I can feel the tears landing in my hair and the silent shakes that emit from his chest.
I bury my face into his chest and clutch at his shirt. His shirt soaks up the tears that leave my eyes before they have time to run down my face. Neither of us care about the water marks I'm creating on the fabric.
"Its okay" a sob breaks when I talk muffled into his chest. "Its okay."
He doesn't say anything but also doesn't move or loosen his hold on me.
I open my eyes and turn my head sideways on his chest; he clutches me tighter fearing I'm going to pull away; but I just want to look at Wyonna.
Is she even sleeping anymore or has she lost complete consciousness? I guess we should have asked the doctor but it didn't even cross my mind. Is she aware that we're here? Can she hear us even if she can't wake? Did she feel Harley's hand on her own earlier? Or the kiss on her forehead?
Her eyes flicker under her eyelids every now and then but that's the only sign of life besides the slow rise and fall of her chest.
I feel Hex move as he presses his lips to the top of my head harshly, like he can't let me go or I'll disappear.
His chest moves in a harsh sob underneath my head but he holds the sound in. I squeeze my eyes shut.
"I-I can't look at her" his words are muffled against my head. "I can't look at her" he pulls away, wiping his eyes and heading for the door.
I give one last glance at Wyonna, hoping she had moved or woken up but she hadn't.
In my heart I hope she has a month left if not more; but in my soul I know her time is almost up.