Collin
~
It's Wednesday morning, and I still haven't heard from Margo since she texted me on Sunday night.
She refuses to answer any of my other texts, and I'm really starting to think she's been kidnapped or something.
I promised her I wouldn't just show up to her house since I tried that the first time, but I'm starting to feel like I don't have a choice.
I just need to know if she's okay.
My uniform feels suffocating as I step onto the subway to take me to school. I pull at my tie and unbutton the top of my dress shirt- feeling the need to breathe.
I'm about to sit in a vacant seat on the right side of the train, but someone pulls me from the left, causing me to fall into the seat next to them.
"What the fu—" I look up to see a young girl, fifteen or sixteen, staring at me wide-eyed. She looks oddly familiar...
"Hello," she says awkwardly. She smiles with guilt in her eyes and I suddenly see the resemblance. "I'm Marley,"
Realization washes over me and I note the similarities in their features. Her hair is straight but it's wild, brunette, long and full around her pale skin. Just like Margo. Her eyes are brown, yet they are shaped just the same. They have the same nose and lips, yet Marley's feature are more childish, somehow.
"Marley July," I finish for her, sitting up in my seat.
She nods. "Look we don't have a lot of time. I need to get to school and you need to get to my house."
I stare at her blankly. "Huh?"
Marley rolls her eyes at me. Ah. They really are sisters. "Margo hasn't left her bed since she got back from the dance. She hasn't spoken since Monday night. I don't know what to do and I think the only person that can get through to her is you."
I let out a deep breath. "She's okay? She's home and alive?"
"Yes,"
"Fuck," I mutter, rubbing my hands over my face vigorously. "Okay, i'll go see her. How did you know to find me?"
Marley smiles slightly, looking at her hands. "She speaks of you a lot. I saw a picture and your address in her phone. I just hoped you'd take the train to school today."
I chuckle. "Margo told me how smart you are,"
Marley's eyes light up. "She talks about me?"
It's my turn to roll my eyes now. "Of course she does,"
Marley looks away, facing the window now. I know how hard it can be to love someone who's so distant because of their illness. I can't imagine how hard it is to watch your sister go through something like what Margo is going through. One second she's Marley's loving big sister. The next she's unrecognizable, or worse, she's gone completely, locked away in some hospital.
Marley subtly wipes a tear from her eye and turns back to face me. "You need to go to my house now. Before my parents get home from work," she puts a small piece of paper in my hand. "that's the garage code."
"Thank you, Marley." I hold her hand and smile at her. The train comes to a stop and we part ways as I head to her sister.
~
I'm standing in front of Margo's house, about ready to throw up.
I'm honestly petrified to open her garage while she's in there all alone. I don't want to spook her, but if what Marley said is true, she's probably not even aware of her surroundings.
I decide to grow a pair and head up to the house. I go to the garage, looking along the sides for the keypad to put in the code. When I find it, I punch in the code that Marley gave me and the garage starts to open.
I head into the garage and slowly open the door to her house. No security alarm sounds, thankfully, and I try to keep my jaw from falling on the floor as I look around her house.
Her house is a one story home and I can see that there's a long hallway after the kitchen, so I head that way, hoping her bedroom is over there.
I look around seeing a bathroom, a vacant bedroom with a large bed and pretty much nothing else. There's another bedroom with pastel colored decorations. It seems to be Marley's room based on the amount of academic awards I see.
That leaves one room with a closed door, right across from Marley's room. I take a deep breath and put my hand on the handle, slowly twisting it open. I could jump with joy seeing that it's not locked.
I slowly push it open and I immediately know it's Margo's room. Before I can even fully open the door I see the posters of famous novels and the bookshelves that are filled to the brim. She has black shades that completely block out the sun, making her room nearly pitch black.
If it weren't for the lamp beside her that is slowly changing colors, I wouldn't be able to see the corpse-like figure on the bed. She's covered in blankets, but I can see her wild curls peaking out of the covers.
I shut her door quietly and tiptoe over to the side of her bed. I glance at her sleeping face, her soft pink lips plump and turned downward into a frown. I brush my thumb over her cheekbone, missing the gentle touch of her silky-smooth skin.
I watch as her full lashes flutter and her green eyes find mine. Nothing flashes within them, they're dull and vacant as they look back at me.
She doesn't sit up or even seem to register that I'm here. She just sighs heavily, closing her eyes again. "What are you doing here?" She mutters.
"I haven't heard from you in days," I say as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
She doesn't answer, only sighing heavily as a response. Is she really going to ignore me?
"Marley told me you haven't spoken to anyone since Monday," I try again, kneeling down to her height.
I watch as her eyelids flutter, trying to stay closed instead of looking at me. I know that she's having a hard time, and I don't fault her for that, but I need her to talk to me.
I stare at her longingly, hoping that maybe she'll feel my desperation. She doesn't.
"I need you to talk to me, Margo. Please," I beg, my voice nearly cracking. Seeing her this empty is affecting me more than I thought it would.
I could sigh in relief as her eyes flip open, the dull green a stark contrast to the usual light sea green.
"Go home," she mumbles, spinning herself around so she's lying on her other side, facing away from me.
My heart breaks.
How can so much change in such little time? One night. One stupid dance was enough to strip the personality from the girl I know to a complete stranger. The worst part of this is that I don't know how to bring her back. I don't know how to find the light she lost.
"I'm not leaving until you talk to me." I stand my ground, sitting in her desk chair and crossing my arms to prove a point.
She narrows her eyes at me. "Go away. I don't want you here." She flips to her other side again.
I chuckle humorlessly. "Well that sucks because I'm not going anywhere. In fact, I'll sit right here until your parents get home,"
Margo sighs. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"
"Because I care about you and I know you're hurting. Let me help you, Margo. Please."
"Stop caring then," she mumbles. I would've missed it if I wasn't so aware of her right now.
I shake my head as she turns to look at me again. "Not going to happen."
She groans, smacking a pillow on her face. "Leave!" She screams into the pillow.
I've never really seen this side of Margo before. The side of her that doesn't want to be around me or anyone. Well, expect for that one time she screamed at me to fuck off. That's a fun memory.
I don't care, though. Nothing will make me leave her.
Instead I relax into the chair, admiring the artwork and posters on her walls. She has a big poster of the cover of The Perks of Being a Wallflower right above her bed. As if I could possibly like her more.
I hear Margo sit up and I can feel her eyes on me, but I ignore her presence, keeping my eyes trained on her walls. The black and white tapestry that hangs half on the wall and half on the ceiling is pretty fucking sick. I'm kind of annoyed her room is cooler than mine, though I probably should've guessed that.
"Fucking stop, Collin," she grumbles from beside me. I spin to face her, arms still crossed. "you're so god damn clingy. Get out. I don't want you here."
I smile. "I'm sure you don't, but you're going to talk to me. What's wrong?"
She scoffs. "Who the fuck do you think you are? I don't want you here! I'm not going to fucking spill my guts to you if I want you to leave."
I'm trying to remind myself that it's her depression talking, but damn her words sting.
"What changed, huh? What happened in one night to make you hate me?" I ask, moving my chair closer to her.
She turns away. "Nothing, Collin. Go."
"No."
"Collin. Fucking. Leave!" She hits my shoulder now, her eyes filled with fire.
I look right at her, ensuring she's paying attention. "No, Margo. What is wrong? Talk to me."
"I hate you! That's what's wrong. I hate that we even met! You need to leave like the rest of them and stop pretending to give a shit about me. I'm not falling for it again and I should've never fucking danced with you or kissed you or any of it! It's all fake so why not just cut it off now." She takes a deep breath after haunting her ranting.
I blink, shocked at everything she's said. "It was all fake then, yeah? You never once felt anything real towards me?"
Her face is dull. "Never said that. It's you. It's always you."
"Everything I've said and everything I've ever felt for you has been real. You're the realest thing I've felt in months."
"No!" She screams. "No. No. I can't do this again." I can see her struggling to hold onto the rage and giving into her sadness as her weak attempt to push me turns into her hand resting on my shoulder.
She's afraid I'm going to leave her so she's trying to do it before I can. She's afraid I might hurt her, and she's afraid I might be like X. Saturday night triggered a lot from her past relationships and I'm sure it's triggering this episode she's having. I know she doesn't hate me. And I also know how toxic her mental illness can make her thoughts.
Her eyes are slowly filling with tears and I can feel my heart shattering.
I gently grab her hand and hold it tightly. "You're pushing me away because you think you have to, but you don't. And I'm not going anywhere. I'm not like him. I would never intentionally hurt you. Never."
She rips her hand from me. "Stop it." A tear falls down her cheek and I know that I've found the reason for her anger.
"I'm not leaving you, baby," I whisper.
She shakes her head. "You don't mean that,"
I grab her hands again, my eyes desperately seeking hers but she keeps them hidden.
"I mean it. I fucking promise you, Margo. I'm not leaving until that's what you really want. I can leave tonight if you need time, but I'm not leaving you the way you think I will."
Her tear filled eyes finally find mine and the sight hurts my heart. "Why?" She asks, her voice cracking.
"Because I love you."