Ryder's last name may not match the banner because his last name changed from "Gonzalez" to "Grimaldi" in the Rewritten Version!
R Y D E R
4 | my drug
PAIN is physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury; also, mental suffering or distress. I feel both of those right now, mental and physical pain.
My heart burns like it's caught on fire - a fire that even water couldn't take out. My mind is going crazy, thinking of all the things I've done wrong.
Maybe if I had done one thing different, then Anastasia would still be here. Maybe she could be with me, be my girl.
That's a dream now, and in this reality, she's gone, she left to New York without me, and she's not my girl anymore.
I fucked up, just like I always do. My dad was right to call me the fuck up of the family because it's true. I am and I probably always have been.
If only I were smarter, then I wouldn't have been so dumb to let her go. I wouldn't have believed her dad about that modified recording, I wouldn't have cheated on her.
This pain, it's all my fault. I caused it when I let myself fall for Anastasia. She's my first love, and I let her go, just like that...
Maybe if I wasn't such a fuck up, then she could be here with me, in my arms. Maybe she would place her lips against my lips and tangle her hands in my hair.
I miss the feel of her hand in my hand, her skin against my skin. I miss her, and she hasn't even been gone for 24 hours yet.
I should've known not to trust Anastasia's dad, he hated me from the beginning so I should've known. I should've asked her about it instead of believing it.
Her voice was so real, the words came from her mouth, the pain I felt was real. But the recording wasn't, it was fake, modified into what her dad wanted me to hear.
How could he do that to me - to his own daughter? It's as much his fault as it is mine for breaking her heart because it wouldn't be broken in the first place if it wasn't for that recording.
My mind is spinning as my heart is squirming in pain. I want to feel it, I need to feel it. The pain is the closest thing I have to Anastasia now.
I need to hear her voice. To hear her speak, even if it's to say that she hates me. Grabbing my phone, I call the number again to see if it was all a dream. It needs to be a dream.
It wasn't. The automated voice speaks, and all I want to do is throw my phone against a wall.
Walking to my car, I open the drivers' door and get inside. Then I open the glove department and pull out a pack of cigarettes before I pull one out and grab my lighter from my pocket.
The cigarette is between my teeth as I put the flame of the lighter to it. This has been more of a habit now, ever since she left. I smoke all day, and at night I smoke some more, it's the new drug that's got me addicted.
Anastasia was my drug, but now that she's gone I've replaced her with the pack of cigarettes I go through that kills my lungs.
With the cigarette burning between my teeth, I place the car in drive and head to the gang house. Maybe they could help me, just maybe they could find her.
It wasn't long until I arrived at the gang house and pulled up right outside the gate. I pressed the button and waited for the guy whose on gate shift to let me in.
"Who is it?" I hear one of my gang members, Jeff say through the speaker before I reply.
"Ryder," I say, and immediately the gates are opened, and I speed through to the very front and park.
Getting out of the car I put my keys in my pocket as I walk inside to go see if they could help me. A bunch of my guys are out on a mission, getting some weapons that were stolen from us a while ago, so there weren't that many people here right now.
I walk around, to see who's here and there's barely anyone right now. Did everyone leave on that mission? I'm pretty sure it would only require about half of us to take those guys out.
Walking downstairs towards the basement, I find Reece in our gun range. I wait behind the range, in the back room and wait for him to finish his current round from the video cameras that we keep inside.
He's one of my best guys when it comes to guns. When I see that he's about to finish, I walk out of the back room and open the door to the gun range, causing Reece to turn his gun towards me the second I step in.
"Hey man." He says, lowering his gun and checking how much ammo he had left in it.
"Hey, Reece," I say as I walk over to our gun rack.
I feel the need to shoot something right now as I look over a bunch of our guns, deciding which one I want to use. In the end, I go with a one of our Glock 19's and shoot at the target right next to Reece's head.
He doesn't move or flinch. That's how we were trained, so he's used to it. Just like I am.
"Have you tried finding her, like you said you would?" He asked once I lowered my gun, and I shook my head.
"Not yet," I said, placing my gun back in its spot on the gun rack.
"Why not? The longer you take, only allows her to get farther away." He tries to explain, and I sigh, knowing how true that is.
"I know. That's why I came here - to get help from you guys." I said, and he nodded at me in acknowledgment.
"Most of the guys are on that mission to retrieve the guns right now. Carson is leading them, but they should be back soon." He says, putting his gun in the back of his jeans as we both then walk out of the room.
"Is Ron with them?" I ask since he goes on most of our missions to help hack into the security and disable all of the enemy systems.
"Yea." He says as his phone rings, and he answers, putting it on speaker so that I can hear.
"Reece." He answers as I hear Carson's voice begin to speak on the other side.
"We got the choppers in the bags." He says and hangs up.
They succeeded and are on their way back now, according to the message. They've retrieved the guns, and hopefully, no one got hurt too badly.
"I just got an idea," I say to Reece as an idea of how to find Anastasia pops into my mind.
"What is it?" He asks, but I shake my head as I walk up the stairs with him to the main room.
"I got to go," I tell him as I make my way to the door and leave without another word.
I know a way to find her.
✶ ━━━━━ ✶ ━━━━━ ✶
❤︎ FOLLOW ME ON WATTPAD ❤︎
trinitystories_xo
✶ ━━━━━ ✶ ━━━━━ ✶
S O C I A L ❤︎ M E D I A
Twitter: trinitysunalee
Spotify: trinitystories_xo
Instagram: trinitysunalee
Instagram: trinitystories_xo
Website: trinitysunalee.com
Go to the link in my bio for all of my social media & books.
✶ ━━━━━ ✶ ━━━━━ ✶