Courtney is standing outside the dressing room waiting for me with her hands on her hips. She has her stage outfit on but her feet are still in her soft, pink slippers.
"Honey, what was that?" She asks with her eyebrows raised.
"What?" I ask, pretending not to know that she is referring to the kiss I gave the handsome man earlier.
She just shakes her head and puts her arm around my shoulder. "Honey, I think it is going to be good for you to get some time away from here. I have told you that relationships with patrons are doomed from the start."
She squeezes my shoulder maternally then turns me to face her. Her big brown eyes searching mine. After a moment she pulls me in for a tight hug and sighs. I feel myself starting to tear up. Courtney knows that I am losing myself here.
"Go home and take a hot bath. I'll tell Phil that you are taking the next few days off and you're only going to work Fridays and Saturdays for a while," She says as she holds me to her.
We pull away from the hug and she wipes my tears away.
After a moment I say, "Court, Phil said we're short staffed--he will never give me time off."
She laughs and says, "oh honey, I will talk to the little creep." I smile at her. Courtney runs this place and Phil would never tell her no.
We enter the dressing room together and she sits at the mirror to slick another layer of mascara on her already heavily clumped lashes.
I change into my sweats, a sweatshirt, and lace up my sneakers. Before leaving, I turn to Courtney and say, "take 'em for all they're worth." She flashes me a megawatt smile then blows me a kiss.
I exit the dressing room and wait to catch Randy's eyesight on the floor. We aren't allowed to be on the floor in our street clothes and I want him to walk me to my car tonight.
As I'm waiting in the wing, trying to catch his attention, the long-haired man I kissed earlier sees me. I blush, slightly embarrassed for my actions earlier and look down at my shoes. I turn away to leave out the backdoor, deciding it best to leave quickly rather than wait for Randy to walk me out.
I push the heavy metal fire door open and begin to power walk to my car. The parking lot is lit with overhead lights but I still don't want to attract any unwanted attention. I am almost to my car, when out of the corner of my eye I catch the handsome man jogging towards me.
I have my keys in my hand and instinctually pull my house key through my fingers in a defensive position, ready to strike if needed. He puts his hands up defensively again and says, "Hey, I thought we had made some progress here?"
I smile hesitantly and he looks down at his shoes. He seems unsure of himself, surprisingly.
"What's up rockstar? You seem nervous." I ask with a teasing tone.
He smiles slightly, looks up at me and says, "I'm trying to ask out a pretty stripper and don't want to sound like a creep."
His reference to me as a stripper turns my stomach and I feel my lip quiver. Tears well in my eyes and I quickly brush them away and turn away from him. This profession has casted a scarlet letter "S" on me. I am no longer a normal girl that handsome boys asks out easily. Now I am labeled: lesser, tainted. I don't think he means this, but my self worth is crumbling
"Hey," he says quietly and reaches to touch my shoulder. My defensive and protective instinct makes me pull away from him quickly and he drops his hand.
"Hey, I'm sorry. I was trying to be funny and I came off like a huge dick." He says to me in a low tone.
"A tiny dick," I say back to him over my shoulder and he laughs.
I turn towards him again, trying not to show that my eyes are teary. But he notices. He is quiet for a moment, his eyes searching my face, then he steps towards me and envelops me in a tight bear hug. My body is as stiff as a board, shocked by his caring display. My fight or flight instinct is heightened and I pull away but he responds by squeezing me tighter. I finally soften into the hug and wrap my arms under his leather jacket.
He rests his chin on the top of my head and begins to slowly rock me. This warm gesture affects me deeply and tears pour down my face. He doesn't say anything and just continues to hold me and rock me under the grotesque neon lights flashing from the club.
I get myself under control and push away from the hug. I wipe my eyes and turn to get in my car when he says, "I'm Sean."
I smile at him then close my car door. I roll my window down and say, "nice to meet you, Sean. Do you want to come back to my place and fuck?"
He laughs then jams his hands into his jean pockets, and rocks back on his heels. His chiseled features are highlighted by the parking lights. After a moment he looks down at his feet then back up at me and says, "yeah, but not like this."
Good, I think to myself. That is another check towards him being a good one. I smile at him, then roll my window back up and drive off.
*****
I have been working at Bill's motorcycle shop for three days now and I have to admit, I kind of love it. I love the smell of the new bikes and that sweet smell of new rubber. I love the hours I keep now. I get to wake up with the sunrise and go to bed with the sunset. I have started walking Alki beach every morning, and I love watching the little kids file up outside their elementary schools--eagerly waiting for their school day to begin. I feel normal.
But what I love most of all is that no one touches me here. The men who come into the shop look down embarrassed when I catch them checking me out. Here there are boundaries, I am not a commodity. At the club, they don't hide their leers. They feel entitled to look because they paid for me and they think I am theirs.
"Hey Jen?" Bill calls to me as I am crouched down restocking the motorcycle gloves.
"Yeah Bill?" I call back to him from my position that is obscured by the hanging motorcycle jackets and rise so he can see where I am.
Bill has been great about ensuring that I feel safe in the shop and never sneaks up on me.
"I have to go over to Ron's and pick up a part. One of our regulars is coming in today to pick up a custom bike he ordered. But the bike is missing one of the parts he wanted. I tried to call him to reschedule but he didn't answer. If he comes in while I'm gone, just tell him I left to get the part." He says to me and hands me the customer's order ticket.
My body stiffens slightly and seeing my body language he says, "He's a good dude and James is in the back if you need him to answer any specific questions."
I nod and say, "okay, thanks, Bill."
Bill leaves and I continue to restock the shelves.
After restocking I move on to dusting the helmet displays and I am on the ladder dusting the top shelf when I hear the "ding, dong" door alarm charm as someone enters the front door. I slowly and carefully begin to climb down the ladder to greet the guest, when suddenly I feel strong hands on my hips. I instinctually jab my elbow back into the chest of my accoster and I hear a thick "umph." I turn to look into the dark warm eyes of the handsome man I had kissed last Saturday.
"Jesus, Candy, I was just trying to help you down." Sean says with a laugh.
"What, do you expect Axl? You were being a creep!" I respond.
He laughs and says, "yeah, okay, you got me. So do you work here now?"
"Yeah, I started this week." I answer.
"I heard Bill had a pretty new shop girl...you are pretty... for a girl." He says to me in a silly mocking tone.
"Oh you like boys?" I reply and grin widely at him.
He laughs heartily then says, "is Bill here? I'm picking up an order."
I shake my head no and reply, "no Bill left to pick up a part for an order."
He nods and puts his hands in his pockets.
"What's your name?" He asks while studying my face.
"Guess." I reply cheekily.
He laughs and says, "no, I'm not walking into that trap."
"Hmm, you're smart... for a rock guy." I reply with a smile.
He laughs and says, "tell me your name, damn it."
"It's Jen." I finally say.
He smiles and says, "Jen, it's nice to meet you....even with so many clothes on."
I laugh at his fun tone and reply, "so which butt cheek has the freckle on it?"
He laughs heartily, then leans forward to whisper huskily in my ear, "...the left."
As he leans away from me, I reach out and fist my hands in his shirt then pull him back to me. His eye brows shoot up in surprise but he responds quickly and crushes his lips down on mine. I deepen the kiss and softly touch his tongue with mine. He wraps his arms around my waist and drags me up against him. I push off him and rearrange my shirt.
He looks down at me with a puzzled look on his face.
"Jen, let's get dinner tonight." He finally says.
I smile at him and say, "ok." He grins widely back at me.
Bill enters the shop and calls out to Sean. They embrace and I am surprised to realize that they are close friends.
"Sean, this is Jen, she is our new front shop staff." Sean and I look at each other and smile and Bill says, "oh do you guys know each other?"
I laugh and say "kind of."
Bill nods his head, realizing we know each other from the club then looks over at Sean suspiciously.
Sean notices and puts his hands up defensively, "Hey, I have been nothing but respectful to her."
Bill nods and looks at me. I say, "He is only a little creepy."
Bill laughs and shakes his head then begins talking to Sean about his order.