Iiris' PoV
Like my mind wasn't already a hell of a mess then the girls managed to add just another twist into the whole situation, and that was the crush Aleksi was allegedly having towards me. I had my doubts about it, we barely knew each other properly. I mean, he did know a lot about me because I basically cried all my life to him but still, this definitely was not the place for a new relationship.
The whole ride home felt so awkward now, from my side especially. Aleksi probably had no clue what the girls told me and I did my best to just push it all away from my head because I just could not handle it. It was hard to come up with a topic to talk about and it was weird because previously it was not an issue. Aleksi did ask a few times if I was ok since I was so quiet but I just dodged the question with a smile and told him I was just tired. I was tired, to be honest, I was already crying after my bed and I could not wait to hide from the World. But there was no way I would tell Aleksi what I heard because I did not want to get any hopes up, not mine and not his. Any other girl would probably feel over the Moon right now but I felt the total opposite. I did like him though, he is handsome, well mannered, caring, pretty much everything Rauli was not but I could not let that get into me. I could not just jump from being a complete mess to a relationship without knowing what I even wanted. Meeting Aleksi happened probably at the worst time ever but on the other hand he showed up into my life just at the right time. This was all just too complicated right now.
Aleksi parked his car in the driveway and we got out. The air outside was quite cold so I wrapped my arms around my body and fastened my steps towards the door. Aleksi pretty much did the same and when he finally got the door open, Rilla stormed out, as a sign that she needs to have her evening walk.
"Okay.. hold a sec.. " Aleksi sighed and went to get the leash.
"I won't be long." He then smiled at me as he passed me again and walked to Rilla who was now jumping up and down. I just nodded and closed the door behind me. After that, I took my shoes and jacket off and went to the kitchen to make myself one more cup of hot tea. While the kettle was boiling I went to remove my makeup.
"What if I am making a huge mistake here...?" I whispered to my reflection but it did not answer. It looked at me with the exact same, confused, worried and tired face as I was looking at it. In my heart I knew that I should not take any of those small rumors about Aleksi having a crush on me too seriously. There was literally nothing in me that would make me interesting enough for him. I was nothing compared to the other girls, they were all so pretty and had great style and I felt like just a plain Jane.. I was nothing compared to Robyn.. It was not healthy to even think this way but looking at her it made me really clear what type of women Aleksi liked and I was far from that. My confidence and everything has been stamped on the ground for years, I am literally afraid to trust anyone or even go out to have drinks because of everything that happened. Why on earth would Aleksi even want someone like me?
With a deep sigh I removed the remaining makeup and went back to the kitchen. Just when I poured the water into a cup, Aleksi and Rilla came back in.
"Fuck it's cold... " Aleksi rubbed his palms against each other while he walked to the kitchen. He noticed that I had just made a tea so he checked if there was enough hot water to make one for himself too. Once he was confirmed, he took out a cup, put a teabag into it and poured some hot water into the mug. I kept on sitting quietly, sipping my tea.
"Did you have fun tonight?" He then asked while sitting across from me behind the table.
"Yeah... " My voice came out more quietly than I thought it would and it confused Aleksi.
"But..?" He asked and frowned. I put the mug on the table and tried to figure out a small white lie to say so I would not accidentally tell him what the girls told me and how it just made my life a little more harder and my heart ache even worse.
"It's just.. All reminded me of the life I used to have before Rauli got abusive.. I had friends... I went out to have fun with them.. And it has been so long that I had basically forgotten how that felt.. Until tonight.. " I actually managed to tell something that was true because I did miss the time when I had more people around me than just Rauli and Susanne.
"I get it.. But now you do have that again. We're your friends and we're gonna be there for you.. Which leads me to another question.. I'm not sure if I should be asking this now but.. Have you... Considered getting any professional help? I mean.. You went through a lot.. " Why did that sound like a friend zoning again? I was literally getting too confused but the question Aleksi asked was actually very relevant. Searching for professional help should be the first thing on my to do list but instead of that I was looking for a route out of the memories. I did not want to analyze them with a stranger, I did not want to talk about how I felt at that time and how I was feeling now. All I wanted was to fucking forget all of that and take back the time that I lost while being with Rauli.
"I dunno.. Maybe someday... When I feel ready to talk about it.. For now I just feel like I need a break from all of those memories or else I just go crazy.." It felt stupid to be not able to tell Aleksi that by the end of the next week I was not going to even be here and finding a good psychologist now would just be waste of energy. I already had a plan I was going to follow, knowing that it was going to be the one thing I needed the most now.
"Whenever you feel ready for it." Aleksi smiled and a sharp pain went through my heart because I had no idea when that day was going to come.
"Yeah.. " I finished my tea and stood up to put the cup away.
"I'm gonna hit the bed.. Kinda tired.. Doing nothing all day long can be tiring as hell.." I chuckled a little, trying to leave Aleksi an impression that everything was more or less fine and I had nothing to hide.
"Believe me, I know.. But I would really give anything to be like that just for a few days." The man smiled and looked at me. Those blue eyes caught me for a good, long moment. The warmth in them, the kindness.. That man had a way too big heart inside of him.
"Umh.." I realized that we had been staring at each other for a little too long.
"I.. go now.. Good night." As awkward as that moment was, I still flashed him a small smile and got one in return too. Slowly, I backed into my room and closed the door after which I crash landed on my bed. My eyes were fixated into the ceilings and my body refused to move. The guilt inside of me was burning holes into my heart but at the same time I hope that Aleksi would forgive me for everything some day if I had no courage to tell him before I leave. But I was already running out of time.
The next morning I woke up to the feeling of something cold and wet against my cheek. Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked to my right, from where I found Rilla.
"Hey there.." I laughed quietly. I thought I had closed the door when I came to sleep but it seems that I had left it ajar and Rilla figured that she could join me.
"Did you sleep well there?" I gently pet her. Obviously she did not answer me but she did look very peaceful.
"God I feel so awful... I'm gonna miss you, you know... You've become such a good friend of mine.. " I whispered and scratched her under her chin. She was probably wondering what the hell I was talking about but I am sure she understood at least something from the tone of my voice because her eyes suddenly looked sad. It was not an easy decision to make but it was needed and I really had to clear my mind somewhere where I knew no one and no one knew me.
Few minutes later Rilla heard something from the kitchen so she stood up, jumped down from the bed and made her way out of the room, leaving me there. I took my phone to check the time and I realized that there was not much time left because I had slept so long. Quickly, I got up and pulled on the first clothes I managed to find and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and do my makeup. Once I looked presentable, I followed the aroma of the coffee to the kitchen where Aleksi sat in the exact same place where I left him last night.
"Morning. " I said and took a cup for myself to make a coffee.
"Morning. Slept well?" Aleksi asked and reached for another slice of bread.
"Yeah, I actually did.. " I smiled and waited until the cappuccino was ready. Then I took the cup and sat behind the table. Aleksi had already taken out all the sandwich material so I took a slice of bread and started to smear some butter on it.
"Good to hear that. Tommi will pick us up around one so there's still some time left." Aleksi said and handed me the cheese that was closer to him. He already knew that it was something that I had to have on a sandwich. I smiled as a thank you and added some ham and cucumber to my breakfast too.
"Okay.. Plenty of time to get stuff packed." I took the first bite of my sandwich.
"Yeah. Hope you're fine sharing the room with me, tho?" Aleksi then asked. As all the girls were joining the guys this weekend, it was only logical that the couples shared the rooms. I did not know until yesterday morning that I was going to share the room with Aleksi as I was sure he was going to share it with Olli because he did not have anyone special around. But it turned out that Olli was going to spend his night at his parents so that left Aleksi without a roomie, and then he thought that we could share a room.
"We've kinda shared a room before so it's not a problem. " I lift the coffee mug closer to my lips.
"Good, I was just thinking because of.. you know.. If you did not want to have anyone too close to you after everything.."
"I have no problem being close to you, you're not like him." I knew I felt safe around Aleksi, he would not do anything I did not want to. He had plenty of chances to do so while we were in Tallinn and I was crying in his arms, half naked. He did not touch me like that. He did not even think anything like that and I could sense it from the way he held me those nights.
"I'm glad you trust me.."
"Of course I trust you.. You have already shown what kind of person you really are.. And I appreciate it... " If only things were different right now. I knew being with Aleksi would be amazing... And it brought some tears into my eyes. Quickly, I started to blink to hide my emotions from him. He did not need to know. Luckily I was fast enough and Aleksi did not have any chance to see what was going on in my mind. He finished his breakfast and stood up, after which he said that he was going to pack his stuff. I just nodded and continued to eat my breakfast.
Tommi was always on time so exactly at one, we heard the car signal from Aleksi's driveway. Because there were twice as more people joining the trip this time, then we were going with two different vans. In Tommi's van were me and Aleksi, Niko and Miryam, Tommi and Yasmin. Robyn, Joel and Sophia shared a ride with Joonas, Pauline and Olli. I had no idea how they fit all the baby things into the van but guess they knew what they were doing. I was just happy that at least Miryam was coming with us because I did not know Yasmin as well as her. I only knew that Yasmin and Tommi were about to buy a house nearby Aleksi's.
"Good to go?" Tommi asked as we had put our bags into the back of the van and sat it. Aleksi nodded and Tommi started the car. Miryam was sitting in front of me and looking very nervous. Time was getting closer and closer to the big moment when she will finally tell Niko about the baby, but also Niko was looking nervous. He was leaning against the window and bit his nails, which did not seem to please Miryam at all and she constantly pulled Niko's hand away from his lips.
"Niko please, stop doing that.. You ruin your nail polish... " Miryam pointed out and Niko looked down at his nails.
"Shit.. right.. Do you have any nail polish with you?" He seemed to realize that the nails looked bad and he had to fix them before going on stage tomorrow.
"I do because I know some of you will always fuck up the nails before the show, one way or the other. " Miryam said, making us all laugh. I will never stop admiring the relationship these guys have, no matter if it was just a friendship or a relationship, they just fit together perfectly.
Knowing that the ride from Helsinki to Oulu was going to take more or less eight hours with all the coffee breaks and lunch break, I had downloaded a few movies from Netflix that I could watch. I have never been a fan of long rides so I had to make this more comfortable for myself. So pretty much after the first half an hour of driving, I was already trying to decide what movie to watch.
"Are you about to watch something?" Aleksi noticed that I was busy reading some ratings of the movies I had downloaded.
"Yeah.. Trying to make the drive pass faster.." I smiled and continued reading. It was hard to decide what to watch but eventually I chose Ted. I had seen the movie a few times but I think it was entertaining and the time will pass faster while watching it. The seats of the van were surprisingly comfortable, so in no time I was totally focused on the movie, not noticing that Aleksi was looking at the screen of my phone too before he gently nudged me on my shoulder. I paused the movie and looked at the man.
"Can I also watch?" He asked and since I had no reason to say no, I handed him the other earbud and we continued to watch the movie.
A/N: So.. I managed to get you another chap out... next one will be up someday... Busy week ahead and shtloads of stuff to do at work+school and everything in connection with it... Anyway... Let's see what happens in Oulu...
Thank you for the support ♥♥