🧪TW: mention of death, suicidal thoughts
🧪Here's a longish chapter 😙
🧪there's a shatter me reference in there too🙄
Suddenly, Eren tapped you, "Hey, we're here."
You blinked like you had just woken from a deep slumber. He noticed you flinch when he touched you and cautiously asked, "Hey, you okay? I thought maybe the beach would make us feel better."
Perhaps your mind was playing tricks on you because you were almost certain you were close to your dorm. Nevertheless, you nodded, "Mhm."
Not saying much else, you got out of the car. He circled towards you and noticed you shivering. He grabbed his sweatshirt, "Here, it's cold."
He began to bunch up the material as to put it on you himself, but he raised his brows when you simply made a grab for it.
"Thanks," you mumbled, pulling it over your head and slipping your arms into the hoodie.
The two of you walked onto the sand, you were several paces ahead and your head was down. Eren eyed the golden sand, reflecting specks of crystal-like white from the moonlight.
The sand was a nuisance, it slowed his pace and sometimes it felt like no matter how hard he tried to speed up, the texture of the sand would slow him down. Certain steps felt stagnant, and others felt as if he would slip through the ground, into the very cracks of the earth. Life was a lot like that, he thought.
When you stopped in your tracks, he sat down. Wordlessly, you plopped down too.
The wind, this time of year, always blossomed into a vindictive turbulence. The beaches always abided alone during the tentative season of autumn blooming into winter. The crisp evening air pricked your nose, the shells of your ears begun feeling rigid as well.
You gaped at the moonlight hitting the sea, ribbons of silver coiled and uncoiled like serpents glistening in the water. It sparkled ever so majestically, and your eyes flicked between the tides and the moon.
"The moon looks perfect," you murmured after a long silence.
You were right. It was perfect. A crescent, all pale and white in its glory. It looked distant tonight compared to most nights. Much smaller and further away.
Eren looked at it with a tender smile. It felt a little amusing to stare at it when the person he believed was the moon reincarnated sat right beside him, staring at the stars like they were her companions. Like she wished to dance among them.
"She always does," he mumbled, his eyes peeking from the corners at you.
Not having heard what he said, you asked, "Hm?"
He shook his head, "Nah, nothing."
You continued to observe the moon, how it was turned away from the sun and hiding itself. You felt for it. The moon understood what it meant to be human. To be cratered with flaws. To feel half or whole. To hide away or reveal itself according to mood. To be left alone in the dark, begging to be seen.
The two of you sat in silence for a while longer before you said, "Do you think the moon wants to ever go to the other galaxies?"
Eren cocked a brow, "Huh? I think the moon is sick of chasing the sun, so it stays right where it is waiting for something to come to it."
Not responding right away, you closed your eyes, "Nothing ever will though. Do you think it knows what it feels like to be loved?"
"It might not know it's loved," Eren said, his voice barely above a whisper, "but it is."
You smiled to yourself. He was right, something as glorious and spectacular as the moon lives in ignorance if it truly believes it's unworthy of love. You felt for the moon, yes, but you also envied it.
You thought about the past few days. You and Pieck had been apartment hunting but keeping it a secret from the others. Throwing out a personal hope at others was a detrimental practice, the disappointment weighed heavy when that wish would be crushed.
"Pieck and I went out a few days ago. We've been going out to look at apartments and the other day we found this really amazing one downtown. Right by school and just down the street from you. The rent's manageable but it fulfills our needs, so we liked it."
Eren straightened up. The idea of you living just down the road had kickstarted his heart. A growing desire for you to live close garnered in his soul. "Hey, that's great. You're taking it, right?"
"I don't think so," you looked down at the sand, studying the dips and curves in it.
"What?" he snapped. "Why not?"
"I just don't think there's really any point. I told you this already, I need my car. I've got to focus on spending my money right," you said.
"Bullshit," his nose scrunched. "You're just scared of pissing off your family."
As usual, he saw right through you. He always did. Your entire life, your family had hindered just about any of your personal plans. Any dreams you had were turned rancid because of their interference. So the idea of buying your first home was terrifying. You feared one of your family members would do something to ruin it.
You kept your eyes low, quiet for a moment, "I don't want to disappoint them."
Eren frowned, watching you as you looked anywhere but at him, "If you live your life in a constant fear of disappointing them, you'll never understand what it means to be happy."
"I know," you looked at him. "But they're my family. What they think matters to me."
"What good is coming out of holding onto what makes them happy?" he pressed. "I don't get why you don't take the chance and talk to them. Your relationship is more strained because you stay close. If you move away, your relationship might actually be healthier."
"They're my blood, I can't just treat them according to my mood," you stated sternly.
Happiness was the best at deceit. It misled and delivered fatal hope. To indulge in happiness is a ticket to purgatory.
He didn't speak so you then sighed softly, "You know, the night Aria died we had this huge fight."
He stared at you gravely, "Why?"
"It was," you paused to breath, "so stupid. There was this awful guy she was into and I tried telling her it wasn't good for her to chase after him. She went off on me and said I was just jealous cuz I'm not capable of expressing romantic emotions." You almost laughed at how stupid it sounded. "She was sort of right though."
"About what?" curiously, Eren asked.
"About me being shit at emotions," you rasped. "My parents weren't really that expressive growing up. My dad spoiled me, yes, but with money. I never really have many conversations with him. I see a lot of girls that are close to their fathers and text and call when they need to, but it wasn't like that for me or my brothers. My parents have hated each other forever. My mother never really held me or told me she loved me. She used to call me into her room at night because that's when she would cry her heart out. She'd cry like the love of her life bled to death in her arms or something."
Eren raised a brow as he listened.
You spent your days hiding your severely flawed family. Blood had lost its color to you overtime. The viscosity of it had become thin and it flowed from you at a lethal rate.
"My dad slept in a different room so Mom would call me to her at night," you explained. "To cry. She would tell me that she wanted to kill herself every night and she would ask me to mix something in her drink or hand her a bunch of pills to put her out of her misery."
Eren's brows furrowed, "Every night?"
"Yeah, since I was ten. She wouldn't let a day go by where she didn't remind me that she wished she had killed herself before she had children," you said.
The past few minutes you hadn't made eye contact with him. Then, when you finally did look at him, he was staring at the sand like it had equations traced into it. His eyes narrowed like he was deciphering algorithms and all the universe's problems.
"She has severe depression though, refuses to do anything about it," the words just kept coming from your mouth and you didn't know why you were telling him so much. All you knew was that it felt so good finally letting it all out. "Pretty sure she passed that trait to me and my brothers too."
"Has she ever been treated or looked for treatment?" Eren asked, leaning in a bit.
"No," you almost scoffed. "My family doesn't believe in mental health. If they did, they would've gotten my brother checked out and learned that he's clinically insane."
Your family believed it was for the weak—to have poor mental health. Your father chalked it off as someone unfit of life if they were 'depressed' or had anxiety. You had to put on a show your entire youth and continue even in your adult life.
Who knew when you'd be free?
"So, Aria was right. I learned not to show emotions other than happiness or spouts of anger here and there," you murmured, propping your chin on your knees. "I told her that I was going to take her back home and that I never wanted to see her ever again after that fight. Five minutes later, my wish came true."
His breath hung in the air like smoke before he said something, "You're saying it like you cast a spell or hexed her or something."
You rolled your shoulders back, "I was so upset I didn't realize what I was saying. The last thing she heard was that I wanted her gone. I wonder what was going through her head when she was dying."
His eyes seem drained, tired and it was obvious. But he wanted to wrap his arms around you more than anything, "Do you . . . have thoughts like your mother's?"
To this, you raised your head to fully face him. The silence had served as an answer, but you spoke, "You know how I said the accident made me wish I were dead? I wanted it long before then."
"How long?" his breath breaks.
"Long enough."
"Stay with me," he suddenly said.
"What?" you gasped.
"Stay with me," he repeated as if you didn't hear the first time. "Forget everything and just live with me."
You blinked. A warmth filled your body and spread across your face. You could hear your own breaths with how quiet it was.
"You're an idiot," it took a minute before you told him. "I can't just do that. Would you ever leave your family if I asked?"
"Yes," he said, zero hesitation.
"Oh, shut up," you rolled your eyes. "I'd never ask you to do that."
"I know," he sniffed a little from the cold.
You looked at him, getting lost in his eyes like you always did. The beauty of his eyes always made yours want to water.
"Do you remember what you said back in the cardio wing?" you asked. "About the boys and that they were lucky to die one after the other? Were you thinking that about you and your mom?"
He froze, brows twitching. His eyes moved to yours as he nodded. When your eyes closed, you could hear his voice, "I stopped talking to everybody when she died. Armin, Mikasa, everyone. My dad got back with Dina, and I truly felt like I lost it."
Your eyes softened, "How long was he even seeing her before?"
"Around the last four months my mom was in the hospital," he told you. "He kept meeting with her and my mom seemed unaware. I didn't want to add more stress on her."
Your brows furrowed at him. Now you understood why he resented his father so much. He rekindled an old flame as his current one was dying, coughing her lungs out in a hospital bed.
"He, uh, made me go to therapy. I never spoke. I'd skip sessions and then the doctor told me to write in a journal instead of talking about my thoughts," his eyes were on the ground. "So I kept a journal, wrote about whatever."
Images of him writing in a journal felt awfully peculiar. When you first met him, you saw a kid too unbothered by the world. Now, after learning so much more about him, you learned that he too had been burying his emotions. Like you.
Picturing him sitting somewhere alone with a pen and notebook in his hands, jotting down the things he thought about seemed quite ominous. You wondered what sorts of things he wrote about—if you were ever in it.
"You have a diary?" you cheekily grinned.
Eren rolled his eyes, "Journal. Diaries are for girls."
You mocked in a high pitched voice, "Dear Diary, my name is Eren Jaeger and I—"
Eren shoved your shoulder and you fell back laughing. His biggest weakness was your laugh. Even in times where he was pissed off or upset, your laughter felt like it reached towards him, embracing him with warmth.
"Do you still write in it?" you asked, sitting back up.
He looked up at the stars, "Not as much as I did before. I found other ways to tell my truth."
You looked up as well, smiling softly that he actually did what you told him about. You silently asked them—the stars—if things would always be this way. If you could stay and watch the moon and listen to the tides and feel his warmth next to you.
In silence, you confessed to the stars that you had no idea what it felt to be loved. But you wanted to be loved by him.
If he loved you, he would have just told you already. If he wanted an actual relationship, he wouldn't be so weird about dinner with his family or have acted so uncomfortable while you both were with his father.
He shook his head, "Let's just talk about happier things. Like what you want in life."
"What I want in life?" you questioned.
"Yeah," he nodded. "Like something you want to do or something you want to have."
"Hmm," you sat up straighter, a much softer look on your face that he was relieved to see. "I don't think anyone has ever asked me that before."
"I guess I'm the first," he said. "So, shoot."
You bit your lip in thought, "Um, well, I love to write so at some point in my life I want to publish a book. Even if it's one under a pen name, I'm fine with that."
Eren nodded and nudged you to keep going, so you did, "I want a beautiful house somewhere sunny and a library in it. A velvet emerald green armchair right by the window where I do all my reading and writing. The chair is a must. There needs to be a record player. And a cat, I've always wanted a cat."
Eren watched you, smiling from ear to ear now as you rambled. He listened to the way you laughed in between wishes you thought seemed ridiculous. Eren couldn't get over your laugh, he could listen to that sound for the rest of forever.
He focused on the way the moonlight cascaded down your face, embracing you like you had stepped off the clouds. The silvery light rippled in your hair the same way the waves did, and he could not have ever seen something so lovely.
"What are you staring at?" you quizzed, knocking him out of his trance.
"You," he didn't even hesitate.
"Okay," you tilted your head. "What are you smiling for?"
He didn't bother dropping that ever so rare smile, "How could I look at you and not smile?"
Your face stilled for a moment, and you felt yourself gulping down that jittery feeling. He was so strange. At times he was so closed off and other times he was like this. You still hadn't asked him why he was so quick to decline the dinner invite his father made.
"What do you want in life?" you countered, trying to get the attention off yourself.
"Me?" he raised a brow. When you nodded, he pondered, "I'll tell you when we're older."
"What does that mean?"
"What I said," he said it like it added further clarification.
"You can't just drop a line like that and expect me not to be curious about it," you rolled your eyes. "Come on, spill."
"Nope," the p popped in his answer.
"Oh come on," you tugged his arm, whining.
"I'll tell you but not today. What else do you want? Other than all that crazy shit," he elbowed you.
When you realized he was set on not telling you until another day, you decided not to press the matter further.
"It's not crazy," you pretended to be hurt. "Hmmm." You paused to think, recalling those boys from the hospital who would suffer a bleak fate soon, "I'd want someone to lie with my bones when I'm dying. Someone who would care enough to see me or want to be buried next to me."
You tipped your head to make eye contact with him. His eyes were on yours, unwavering and resilient.
"That person would be the luckiest human to ever live," he quietly said.
"The luckiest to die next to me?" you asked, voice just as quiet.
"Luckiest to be loved by you," Eren whispered.
And just like that, time stood still. Silence sang in your ears, and you could do nothing but stare into his eyes. Your body betrayed you, summoning all forms of winged creatures to stir in your gut.
You looked away, unsure of how to even respond. He was by far the most enigmatic man you had ever met. Several minutes of silence go by and you realized neither of you has said anything yet.
"So, you're not close to your mom at all?" he tilted his head.
"It's weird. She feels like a completely different person a lot of the time," you told him. "I don't like being around her."
"At the end of the day, she is your mother," he said. "If you have thoughts like she did, maybe you should try talking to her."
"I can't do that," you said as if the idea was preposterous. "She'd laugh in my face. She hardly even wants me around."
"Have you tried?" he asked. "You never know until you try."
"Why do you care?" you quietly asked. "You make it seem like you want me around too, but you really don't."
Eren's brows furrowed, "What are you talking about? Of course, I want you around."
"Why'd you lie to your dad about dinner?" you snapped at him. Even you were surprised by how the question fled from you.
His eyes were frozen on you, in fact the rest of his body appeared immobile. He had nothing to say.
"That's okay, I was going to say no anyway. But what's going to happen from now on?" you quizzed. "You have all these girls that keep popping up out of nowhere and it's driving me insane!"
"Hold on," he paused. "We're back on this?"
"Yes, we're back on this!" you snapped. "Mikasa thinks I'm at home studying and I'm here with you. She'd hate me." You weren't sure why all these thoughts were bubbling up now of all times. "How much longer am I going to keep this shit up for? What's the point if I keep having to lie to everyone?"
You stood up, "Eren, what the fuck are we doing? Why am I sneaking around with you? Why didn't we stop when we agreed Mikasa and Jean would get hurt? What the fuck is wrong with me?"
Your eyes were wide now with panic. Everything was settling in now, and your heart was beating so fast in your ears.
"Now what, huh?" you pressed. "What do we do now? Keep fucking each other and pretending like nobody else exists? We aren't even in love! We're just purposefully stabbing everyone in the back."
His brows furrowed and his chest rose and fell a lot quicker. Meanwhile, your breaths were still sharp and overpowered any sound in your ears.
"You don't know what you're saying," his voice was deep, eyes dark.
You glared at him, "So we aren't hurting other people by doing shit that's not gonna take us anywhere?"
Not a single word left his mouth. His eyes were sleepy, like they always looked. They veered down slowly, like he was too exhausted to speak.
You thought about the girls from the mall today too. It seemed like just about every negative thing in your life was popping back up in your mind.
"And—How do you think I fucking feel with all these girls from your past coming back around and looking at you like they're in love with you?" you cried.
"Oh my god, you idiot! I look at you like I'm in love with you!" he stood up, blurting it with wide eyes.
Your own eyes widened. The cool air whipped in your hair, ignorantly throwing itself in your face. You stared, that's all you could do. The waves thrummed along the shoreline and splashed in the back.
Eren closed his eyes, sighing, "Look, I'm not good with words like you are. But please believe me when I say that you're the only girl I want. I don't want anybody else and I don't even think about anybody else. As for the Mikasa and Jean thing, I'm serious about what I'm saying. If you have doubts about my feelings then, that's okay. But I'm being honest with you. You're the only one I want."
You kept gaping at him. Your lips pressed together as you listened to him. He wasn't the type to go out and declare anything, let alone his feelings. Yes, you had doubts about this entire situation but if you learned anything from the hospital today, it was to accept your feelings and allow yourself to act upon them.
"You . . . do?" you slowly asked, almost as if you doubted anybody could feel that strongly towards you.
"Yes," he firmly said, nodding as well. "I know it's weird because everybody would freak out. But fuck everyone. Right now, it's just me and you—and I'm insanely happy. I . . . swear everything I'm telling you is the truth."
You stepped towards him, reaching for his hands, "I believe you."
Eren looked taken aback, as if he didn't expect this at all. You noticed the way his breath faltered, and his hands hesitantly held yours as well. He quietly said, "I want to do things the right way. I want to take you out on a proper date and do things the way they should be done."
Your eyes flicked between his eyes and his hands in yours. You didn't know what to even expect from him anymore. Eren wasn't one to take girls out on dates. That much you learned from your other friends. His habits were restricted to just getting straight to the point and getting what he wanted. If he wanted to just have sex, he would've just asked you to come over.
"I said what I did about dinner this weekend because Mikasa and Armin's families are coming too. I didn't want them to suspect anything. And I wasn't even planning on going to it," he admitted. "I didn't want to put you in an awkward position."
You sighed, "It was sort of embarrassing. But it's fine."
"It's not," he stated. "I want to make it up to you. I'm going to take you out somewhere nice."
You tipped your head to the side, pondering on what could have been going through his head. You glanced at the water, recalling the night you both swam under the moon, and he was determined on making you face your fears.
"Are you asking me out on a date?" you raised a brow.
"Yes," he nodded.
You felt a smile tugging at your lips. You wanted to hear it straight from his mouth, not just a half-assed question, but a proper request, "Say it."
He closed his eyes, scrunching his nose a bit. He was embarrassed to your delight. "Y/n, will you do me the honor and make me the happiest man alive and go on a date with me?"
You lightly laughed at how shy and awkward he was getting. The last thing you anticipated was him to be so timid. For someone with his reputation to be caught doing something as sappy as asking a girl out, it was almost laughable.
"Yes," you grinned. "I will."
His eyes flicked to yours, they radiated of excitement and his jaw loosened. His teeth showed in a wide grin, "I'll always be there for you. Whenever you need me, I'm there."
"Is that a promise?" your eyes glimmered in the moonlight.
"It is," he used his index finger to cross his heart. "The stars are my witness."
* * * * *
"Theo, I'm fine. I swear I am," you said.
Your little brother raised a brow into the camera. He was only three years younger, but you always looked at him like a baby.
A few days had passed since your conversation with Eren at the beach. You were so caught up and busy with school that you hardly had any time alone with him. You hung out with Sasha and Connie most days, seeing Mikasa and the others as well. In fact, you and Jean had been talking again and it felt nice to be friends with him again, you really had missed his friendship.
"You should've gone to the doctor," he scolded. "You know that's not normal. Like at all."
"Shut up, I said I'm fine. See?" you tried convincing him by smiling. You then winced when you felt a gnawing pain on your side.
"Liar," Theo scowled. You rolled your eyes and he snapped, "You realize you had surgery there, right? Because you almost died in a car crash?! You were supposed to be completely healed by now."
Your younger brother was immature most the time. But there were moments where he seemed like the most composed person in the world. It left you feeling sad quite often because you always saw him as the one person you could still act like an idiot around.
"Hey, I'm fine. I'll just get back on the meds again," you tried to smile.
Theo palmed his head, "I can't believe you went off them to begin with."
"I'll get back on! Okay! Just don't tell Mom and Dad," you groaned. "They would come all the way here and murder me."
"Oh, speaking of," your brother started. "Mom and Dad are thinking of just getting you a new car. The old one is too fucked up to even repair."
"What?" you nearly fell off your chair. "And no one told me?"
"They're planning on telling you when you come back. You skipped Thanksgiving but they know you're coming back for Aria's birthday," you brother said.
You frowned. You had planned to skip out on heading back to Stohess. You weren't up for the stress that came along with seeing your family just yet. So you planned on staying at your dorm and just spending the day alone. Sasha had invited you to come to her house and celebrate there but Nicolo would be coming, and you didn't want to come in the way of his first holiday with her family.
But your best friend's birthday was today. December 3rd.
You had done all in your ability to not go back to Stohess. The people, the places, the memories, it would all be too much. But you hadn't visited Aria's grave in so long.
"Listen, I've got to go. Tell Pieck, Sasha, and Mikasa I said hi. Oh, and Hitch too," your brother winked, hinting at his attraction to the girls you were close with.
Rolling your eyes, you ended the call. You set your head down on the desk, sighing. The past few days, your pain was getting worse on the left side of your body. Which so happened to be the area affected by the crash. Things were all becoming quite overwhelming to deal with.
You clicked through your phone, tapping the one thing that gave you insurmountable comfort,
"Hey! It's Aria! Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, leave a little message for me after the beep and I'll get back to you—maybe—if I feel like it."
You sighed, closing your eyes.
"Say beep with me! Come on! Beeeep!"
A pathetic tear trickled from your eye and onto the desk. It was quiet. You were quiet. The world was quiet. Your brain was awfully quiet.
You stood up, heading to the kitchen. You recalled leaving your medication somewhere in there. Now you just had to find it.
"Hey, sexy," Pieck strolled out of her room, popping skittles into her mouth. "What are you looking for?"
"A drink," you lied, still rummaging through the cabinets.
The past few days, you and Pieck had been looking at apartments and begun saving up. You hadn't told anyone other than Eren just yet because at first you weren't even sure you'd be able to move. But if there was anyone in the world you wanted to move in with, Pieck was that person. Now, you were relieved you would be moving in with her before the start of the next semester.
"Mmm," she mumbled like it was interesting, moving to open the fridge. "Anything specific?"
"Bleach."
"What?" she nearly fell over. She slammed the fridge shut and rushed to your side, "What's the matter? What's going on?"
You looked at her, sighing in defeat. You gave in and just came out with it, "I've been having awful pain where my scar is." You lifted your shirt up to show her. "It . . . I don't why. But it could be because I stopped taking care of it and I rushed back into life so soon after the accident that maybe I didn't give it enough time to heal."
Pieck's eyes were filled with worry as she gawked at the fading scar, "Holy shit, dude. Do you want me to take you to a doctor?"
You shook your head, eyes darting back to the cabinet while lowering your shirt, "No, I guess I'm stressed too. Aria's birthday is coming up so I was planning on heading back to Stohess soon."
Pieck's gaze softened, "Oh. I'm sorry. Going back will feel weird then, huh?"
"Yeah, I'm a little nervous," you admitted. You were dreading meeting your family again but you were also dreading the return to the site of the crash. More than that, you were nervous to tell your parents you were permanently moving to Trost.
You spotted the painkillers your doctor had recommended, and you groaned, "Dammit. Empty. I'm gonna head to the pharmacy."
"I'll take you," Pieck grabbed her keys, not even hesitating as she followed behind you.
Suddenly, a loud banging came from the door. Alarmed, you and your roommate shared an anxious look. Slowly, you both approached the door and you reached for the handle. Twisting it open, you were met with two pairs of wide eyes. Two kids. A boy and a girl. The boy was blonde and the girl was brunette with her hair tied up.
"Falco, Gabi! What the hell are you two doing here?" Pieck exclaimed.
"Pieck!" The girl shouted. "Thank god! I've knocked on twelve doors to find you!"
"And we went to the wrong building three times," the boy yelped.
You pointed at the children, cocking a brow at your friend, "You know these kids?"
"Yeah," Pieck rubbed her forehead. "I used to be their camp counselor and Falco is Colt's brother and Gabi is Reiner's cousin."
Immediately, you were reminded of meeting Colt at the Halloween party. He looked exactly like Falco, no wonder the child at the door looked all too familiar. They had the same green eyes, blonde hair, and innocent expression. "Sexy cop from Halloween?" you raised a brow at Pieck.
She nodded while her face twisted in aversion, "Ew, he's like my brother. Hearing someone call him sexy is so gross."
"He's actually my brother," Falco piped, his face looking half-disturbed half-appalled. "How do think I feel right now?"
Your brows raised. You could understand where the poor kid was coming from. You'd also be horrified if you heard someone call your brother sexy. Even thinking about it was making you want to crack your skull open.
Pieck faced Gabi and Falco, "I'm still waiting on an answer to my question. Why are you guys here on a Friday at nine in the morning?"
Gabi cleared her throat, "I had a fight at school and got suspended. My mom would flip but I needed your help to get back at the kid."
Pieck crossed her arms, "You came all the way from Liberio because of that? What's your excuse, Falco?"
Falco, with wide eyes, answered, "I couldn't let her come all the way to Trost on her own! It wasn't safe."
"Ah, ever the hero, Falco," Pieck said sarcastically. "You guys aren't in elementary school anymore. You'll be in high school next year."
"We know," Gabi narrowed her eyes. "I just needed to get out of there. It was driving me insane."
"This is literally insane," Pieck looked ready to rip her own hair out. "Fucking hell. You two are going to be the death of me. Your parents are going to kill me. Now I have to get Reiner and call Colt—"
"Wait! Don't tell them!" Gabi's hands shot out frantically. "I'd get in trouble, and I came here to avoid my mom."
"She's lying! She missed you!" Falco blurted.
"Falco!" Gabi smacked his arm and he yelped.
"Aww," you cooed. "Pieck, you have kids. And they missed you! This is so cute. Let me take a picture."
You pulled out your phone and turned the camera on, snapping pictures while Pieck rolled her eyes, "Shut up. And you two, I have to take you home, you know?"
"Yes, but can we stay just for today?" Gabi timidly asked. Her wide brown eyes filled pleadingly, "We'll go home tonight."
Pieck inhaled deeply before exhaling, "Fine, I'm going back for the weekend anyway so you'll come with me. But I can't leave you here alone. I have to take Y/n to the pharmacy."
"Bring them with us," you suggested. "We can pretend to be a married couple. Two hot moms at the pharmacy. We might pick up some hot single dads picking up their cholesterol medication."
You winked at her and she arched a brow, "You do realize I'm in a committed relationship, right? And how would we pick up hot fathers if we're supposed to be a couple of gay women?"
You shrugged and Falco was the one to speak, "That's still possible, trust me. You will not believe the things I've seen on the internet."
You, Pieck, and Gabi shared a concerned look with each other. Gabi pointed at him while telling you, "I promise he's normal most of the time."
You nodded, pupils blown, "I believe you."
Pieck groaned, "Let's go. Before I change my mind and drink the bleach Y/n was looking for. And you two are going to explain why the fuck you got suspended."
"I didn't. It was just Gabi," Falco pointed.
"Whatever. Just come on." Your roommate led the way.
The four of you got into Pieck's car, driving to the pharmacy that happened to be downtown. During the way, you got to know the kids more.
"So, you guys are in middle school, right? How old are you?" you asked from the passenger seat.
"Thirteen," Gabi answered, bouncily. "Turning fourteen soon."
"That's exciting. You guys are classmates or friends or . . . ?" you raised a brow, noticing Pieck smirk.
"Friends," Gabi answered again casually.
"We've known each other since we were in kindergarten, though," Falco chimed in, voice a little shaky as it died off towards the end of his sentence. "So we know each other very well."
Pieck was smiling in the driver's seat, not saying anything as she focused on the road. It was obvious she understood what you were trying to do. You picked up on Falco's demeanor rather quickly. He was in love with the girl next to him.
You then asked, "Hmm, so Gabi, do you think any boys in your class are cute?"
Gabi grimaced, her arms were folded, "Ew, no. I don't like anyone. You'd puke if you saw the boys in my class."
Falco slumped in his seat. And you looked back at the girl. She reminded you of someone. There was a look in her eyes—a fiery glint that reminded you of . . . Eren. You didn't know why but she was a lot like him even though it had been only half an hour since you met her.
"Listen, boys seem like a waste of time but when you get older—you'll realize that the perfect boy is the one who sticks by you through all your troubles," you tried to sound nonchalant while saying it. "Someone who will rush to make you feel better or make sure you're okay."
Falco side-eyed Gabi, smiling smally while he glanced between you and her. He probably realized what you were hinting at, and Gabi's brows raised in thought, like she still couldn't figure out which person was like that with her.
Pieck looked at you briefly, smiling softly at you before she pulled into the lot of the pharmacy. The four of you got out of the car, walking inside the drug store.
"Okay, let's find my wife's medicine," Pieck casually said.
You leered at her, wanting to burst out in laughter, "Aww, so you are role playing with me after all."
"I thought role playing was during sex," Gabi's brows furrowed. "Are you guys actually dating? Does Galliard know?" She paused to gasp. "Is he in on it too?!"
"No," Pieck said as you doubled over laughing. "We're just joking around. You're not like that with Zofia?"
Gabi shook her head, "Is that supposed to be normal?"
"It'll become natural when you get older to act like an idiot around your friends," you told her. "I'd probably go crazy if I had nobody to act like that around."
"I thought role play was only in theater," Falco said as you all entered the pain relief aisle.
"You have a lot to learn, kid," Pieck rustled his hair.
You smiled at him. His innocence was like a breath of fresh air. You could remember when you were around his age and mortified to learn the many things about growing up.
"How come we're at the pharmacy anyway?" Falco seemed to already forget why you all were there. He was lost staring at Gabi most of the time.
Gabi whispered to him, but she hadn't realized how loud her whispering actually was, "I think she's either pregnant or on her period."
You gasped, "What? I'm not pregnant. Why?" You leaned in to whisper with doubt, "Do I look pregnant?"
Pieck set her hands on her hips while sighing, "I guess I'm stuck babysitting three idiots today."
Gabi shook her head at you, slightly smiling, "No, I'm messing with you. Friends do that, right?"
You grinned, nudging her, "Yes, they do."
You felt almost bad for how serious she must be on a normal basis. She probably didn't find the time to goof off and today she seemed to be enjoying herself—although it was at your expense.
"I wouldn't be surprised if you were pregnant," Gabi added, her eyes were on the shelves, and she poked a travel sized Advil.
Your eyes shot open, "What?! What's that supposed to mean? Now you're actually scaring me!"
Gabi grinned, trying not to laugh, "Relax. I just mean that you're really pretty and I wouldn't be surprised if you and your boyfriend did it a lot." She then lost her smile, "Do you?"
Your lips pressed together in a firm line, "No."
She grinned but Falco was the one to say, "You're not a good liar."
Those words immediately reminded you of a teal eyed, messy haired idiot. Eren had been on your mind all day and the whole keeping-it-a-secret thing was making you a bit nervous. You weren't exactly the type to get into serious relationships but keeping it casual with Eren was killing you.
On top of that, you were beating yourself over the fact that at every one of your hang outs with Mikasa, she'd bring him up and you would have to pretend to despise him. You were beginning to despise yourself.
"Hold on," Pieck held her hand out. "Who are you having sex with and why haven't you told me yet?"
You bared your teeth shamefacedly, a long pause following. "I could tell you later, it's not really important."
"No," Pieck glared. "Clearly it is if you're concerned about being pregnant."
"Oh my god," Gabi clamped her hand over her own mouth. "So you are pregnant?"
Your jaw dropped as you stared at the three individuals in front of you. Falco and Gabi were sharing the same nervous expression while Pieck's face was a mix of concern and confusion.
"Y/n?" That voice did not belong to either of the three you were with.
You turned to look behind you. Eren's father stood there several feet behind, his right hand clutching a vitamins bottle. He was in a long black coat, the shade contrasting greatly from his lab coat you'd seen in him just a few days earlier. His eyes were widened, and you could see the teal of his eyes even behind his round rimmed glasses.
Your eyes broadened and your heart hammered harshly in your chest, "Doctor Jaeger—I—what a lovely surprise seeing you here."
You tried to smile but it was clear there was panic in your voice. Falco, Gabi, and Pieck got so quiet, you thought that they had run off.
Grisha made a pained expression that looked like a sorry example of a smile, "May I speak with you a moment?"
"Oh," you lost your voice. You felt like your breath had been stripped from you. You then nodded, "Yes, of course."
You stepped towards him as Pieck grabbed the two kids and backed away shakily to give you privacy. Grisha was a kind man, you could tell from your first meeting. He was so good with you the day you met him. Now . . . you were terrified.
You prayed he hadn't heard your conversation.
"Did—um—my son—did Eren . . . get you pregnant?" There went any chance of avoiding that topic. Grisha winced, whispering to you to save you from any embarrassment.
You trembled, shaking your head so quick you were scared it would snap your neck, "No, no. Oh god, no. I promise you, we haven't been—no. I'm not pregnant."
Grisha tilted his head, "Are you sure? Are you feeling alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine," you nodded. "I assure you, Eren and I are just friends."
Grisha raised a brow, "Y/n, sweetheart, my nurse told me she caught you and Eren kissing in the clinic. And if you don't want to seem suspicious, you probably should have used the makeup you used to cover your neck on Eren's neck as well."
You were mortified. This was the most embarrassing conversation you had ever had. A conversation you weren't prepared for and a conversation you could spend weeks preparing for and still somehow fuck up.
You covered your face, "Oh my god. I am so sorry. We . . . we've been careful. And I promise you, I am not pregnant. I just wasn't feeling well so I needed to pick up some medicine for it."
"Not feeling well? Are you experiencing any nausea? Dizziness? Morning sickness? Are you throwing up?" He began listing a bunch side effects of pregnancy.
You shook your head again, "No, it's . . . I was in a car crash a few months back and had surgery. I thought I recovered but it hurts a lot where my scar is. So I just came to pick up Tylenol for it."
This was . . . humiliating. You never thought you'd have to tell Eren's father of all people. About the crash, about the pain. You hadn't even told Eren about your current situation.
Grisha's brows raised and he eyed you with a deep sincerity, "I am so sorry, my dear. Is there anything I could do help?"
You smiled kindly and shook your head, "No. Only—if you could just keep this conversation between us."
"Of course," he smiled. He then looked towards the right, picking up a pain relief medication bottle from the shelf, "I recommend this one. It'll help a lot more. Motrin is good too."
You grinned, "Thank you, Doctor Jaeger. I appreciate this a lot."
"Doctor?" he softly beamed. "Call me Grisha. After all, the girl my son is infatuated with shouldn't have to call me by my official title."
"Forgive me, but it'll still be hard for me to call you by your first name. I already know I'll keep calling you 'sir'," you tried to move past what he so casually dropped about his son.
"Baby steps, I suppose," the doctor shrugged. "It really is a shame I didn't see you at dinner last week. I was looking forward to getting to know you more and Dina would love to meet you as well."
The reason you hadn't gone was because of Eren answering for you. You felt like going would be awkward after that. In all honesty, you were a little embarrassed by Eren stepping in for you. You both had already discussed why he had done that though. He was right, you would definitely have said no if you were aware of Mikasa and Armin being there.
"I know, I'm sorry," you strung together pathetically. "I was set to head home for the weekend. I didn't know how much I'd miss Stohess until I came out here."
Lying to him made you feel guiltier than you had anticipated.
"Stohess is a beautiful place so I can see why. You know, I did my residency there. Those years were quite stressful, but the city made it worth it," he told you.
"Oh, I had no idea. Eren never mentioned that to me," you played with the cap of painkillers.
Grisha looked down, "Well, my son isn't exactly the best conversationalist. But, why don't you give me your number and we could arrange for a decent date to have you for dinner. I'm sure we can find a day where Zeke is free as well."
You pulled your phone out, a little nervous all over again, "Of course, I'd love to."
He began taking your contact information and said, "Great. Well, I don't want to keep you from your . . . friends any longer." You both looked back to see Pieck with Gabi and Falco, all three of them doing a horrible job at acting natural.
You turned back to him, "Thank you so much, sir."
The doctor waved as he walked off and you let out a breath that felt like it plucked the stress out from your body down to your toes. Rolling your shoulders back, you turned around and walked towards your roommate and her charges.
"Who was that?" Pieck hissed. "Was that the guy you're sleeping with? I didn't think you were into older men . . . now it makes sense why you wanted to pretend being an older mom to pick up single dads."
"He was old though, that can't be legal," Gabi was nodding with her eyes enlarged.
"It's perfectly legal," you seethed. You then shook your head, "But no—I'm not sleeping with him. That was . . ." you leaned in to whisper to the three, "his dad."
As if on cue, all three gasped. Pieck clamped her hand over her mouth and the kids looked like they had seen a ghost. "Whose dad?" Pieck questioned. "Wait a second . . . Doctor Jaeger . . . don't tell me . . ."
You gulped, nodding, "Eren."
Dramatically, the three gasped again. You glowered at Falco and Gabi, "Hold on, do you guys even know who that is?"
"Yes—everyone knows Eren Jaeger. He went to our camp too," Falco yelped. "And you're having his baby?"
Again, another theatrical gasp. You then hissed, "I'm not having anyone's baby! Oh my god. Can we move past that already? I established like seven times that I am not pregnant."
Pieck let out a breath, "Okay, but why didn't you just tell me you and Eren were dating?"
"We aren't," you said, sounding a bit sadder that you had intended. "We're just . . . it's nothing serious. Just sex."
"Just sex?" Pieck raised a brow, a little scoff escaping her. "I find that hard to believe. You like him though, and there's no way he doesn't feel the same."
"Ugh," you palmed your head. "Let's just go to the register so I could pay for this and we can leave."
You waved the bottle of pills that Eren's father had given you and the three of you headed to self-checkout to pay for it. On the way, you insisted, "You guys can get snacks if you want. Then we could go out for lunch too."
"Really?" Gabi and Falco's eyes glimmered like cartoon characters.
You nodded and Pieck smiled. Gabi and Falco headed towards the candy and snacks aisle. You spotted Falco eyeing stuff on the bottom shelf while Pieck and Gabi were on the other end of the aisle looking at chips.
You walked over to Falco, he was deep in thought like he was making a crucial life decision. You bent down so you could inspect the shelf with him, "Hmmm, I'd go with sour gummies if I were you."
"Right? I was thinking that too," he smiled, reaching for them. "How long have you known Pieck?"
"About four months," you said. "She's great, huh? You guys seem to really look up to her for you to come all the way to Paradis looking for her."
"Yeah, we do," Falco stood up when you did. "She was always there for us and even though she's not there anymore—in Marley—she's still checking in and trying to look out for us."
Your lips curled, "Can I ask you something?"
"Uh huh."
"When are you planning on telling Gabi you like her?" you whispered.
He almost jumped, "W-what? Ha ha . . . no I don't—what m—makes you . . . think t-that?"
You cocked a brow, waving your hand in a circle to gesture to his face, "Whatever the hell you just did. Look, don't do it now. Wait till you're ready but if you really like her, make sure you do it before it's too late."
Falco paused, staring at you. He then nodded, "You're right. Does that mean you're going to tell Eren soon that you like him—a lot?"
Now it was your turn to jolt, "What? I don't."
"What are we talking about?" Gabi had popped up beside you.
Falco was the one to say, "Her crush."
"I don't have a crush on him!" You cried, looking at him with betrayal.
"Didn't even say his name," Falco laughed. "So it's true, you like Eren."
"Eren and Y/n sitting in a tree," Gabi sang in a low voice. Pieck joined in, "K-I-S-S—"
"Shut up," you snapped. You tugged Gabi, "Come on, let's go pay."
You dragged the others towards the front of the store, deciding that self-checkout would be a speedier process. As you all stood in checkout, you all took turns scanning the items. Granted, there were only a few.
"That's how I look?" Falco looked at the little camera above the screen. He started to adjust his hair, "Yeesh."
"You look okay," Gabi poked his head, she then pointed towards the screen. "These things make everyone look different than how they actually do."
Falco immediately went stiff. Apparently being called okay looking by your crush does things to your heart. You and Pieck shared a knowing glance, trying to hide your little smirks. You all headed out of the pharmacy and contemplated on where to eat. Eventually, you all decided to head to a Chili's just to have a calm lunch.
You all waited to get seated, so you stood in the lobby area. From a distance, you noticed Historia, Ymir, and some other girls you didn't recognize. Actually, you did recognize one of the other four girls to be Louise. That girl that gave you weird looks at every given moment.
"Historia and Ymir are here," you whispered to Pieck.
"Oh, do you know who the other girls are?" she whispered back as she spotted the girls.
You shook your head and the hostess came back to seat you guys. Luckily, it wasn't near them because you didn't like that Louise girl. You were a little surprised nobody else could tell how conniving she was.
As you were sitting down, you—by chance—made eye contact with Ymir. To pretend like you weren't trying to avoid them, you grinned and acted like you just noticed them as well. Ymir waved at you with a cheesy smile and Historia noticed you as well. Her face lit up and she waved at you to come over.
You whispered to Pieck that you'd be back, and you walked towards the table Ymir and Historia were at, "Hi."
"Hi, oh my god, I was not expecting to see you here at all," Historia cooed.
"What's up with the kids?" Ymir lifted her head in a short nod at Gabi and Falco intensely scrutinizing the menu options.
"That's a weird story," you winced. "They basically came all the way from Marley to see Pieck, so we took them out."
"Aww," Historia beamed. "You'd be a hot mom."
"You know," you started with a smirk, "I was thinking that all day."
Vehemently, you attempted pushing past the little look she had tossed over at your roommate. Her icy blue eyes darkened in a disparaging countenance, a tremor inducing gaze.
Ymir squinted at the kids, "Wait a sec. Isn't that Reiner's cousin?"
Historia began peering at them too, "You're right! That is! She's so adorable—she even does the same thing he does with his eyebrows."
You and Ymir whipped your heads to look at Gabi. When both of you understood what she meant, you hummed in acknowledgement.
"Anyway, you remember Louise," Historia pointed at Louise sitting next to her. She then pointed at the girls in front of her and said names you couldn't bother remembering.
You smiled at all of them, saying hi. Then your eyes met Louise who wasn't even looking at you, she was glaring at her hands like they were the most interesting thing on earth. You looked at your friends, "I'm going to head back. We need to hang out though soon."
"Yes," Historia nodded. "I'll text you!"
Waving as you walked off, a bitter tang of stomach bile burned at your throat. Unnerving sensations meandered in your mind each time you found yourself in the presence of that girl. Louise.
Her exterior became callous whenever you were around, and it was no longer a doubt. This time it was a confirmation. That girl had something against you, and you weren't even sure what.
You sat back down with Pieck, Falco, and Gabi. Immediately, tranquility rushed into your bloodstream, and your limbs loosened. You prayed you didn't look as stressed as you thought you did.
A waiter shortly arrived at your table, a notepad and pen in hand to take your order. The residual thoughts about Louise, Historia, Mikasa, and Eren pattered in different spaces in your mind. You tried to act normal and engaged in the conversation, but you kept falling silent when you thought hard about what you had done to make Louise dislike you so much.
She was odd since the jump. Her smiley and excited demeanor only applied to Historia and Mikasa by the looks of it. Actually, it applied to everybody but you. She had been giving you the cold shoulder since you met her at Historia's pool party months back.
"Hey," Pieck snapped her fingers in front of your face.
You shook off your daze and blinked fleetingly. Eyes widened, you gawked at your dear friend. She wore a perplexed expression as she studied you.
"Are you alright?" Pieck quizzed. "You seem out of it."
Your head felt like it was spinning, but you tried to hold the table to keep yourself grounded. You made eye contact with Gabi who was next to you and Falco who sat across from her in the booth.
"I'm fine," you rasped. "I'm just a little—yeah—actually I feel like I am out of it."
Gabi took a bite of her pasta, "How come? Is it because of Eren?"
"No," you answered. "I think . . . this girl might not like me and recently she's getting close with some of my friends. I guess I'm feeling paranoid."
"That's valid," Gabi replied. "The girl I punched today had it out for me. She was talking about me and then she said something that made me mad. So, I punched her."
"What did she say?" Pieck cocked a brow, setting down her fork.
Falco shrugged, "She's not telling me either. Good luck, I've been trying all day."
Gabi frowned, "It's really not important. Just know, that she had it coming." She turned to you, "You should punch the bitch bothering you, too."
You tried not to laugh, "Punching isn't really my style." You took a bite of your food, "She'd have to come in the way of something I love for me to punch her."
"Like Eren?" Falco sang teasingly.
Daggers were in your glare, "Shh! You can't talk about him here. Those girls over there would burn me alive if they knew anything about that."
"Okay, we won't say his name. We'll give him a code name," Gabi suggested. "Like a food you like or a celebrity or something."
Your face twisted in disgust, "What are you? In middle school or something?"
"Yes," Gabi replied bluntly.
You rolled your eyes, "We won't say his name. No code names or anything either. But love is out of the question."
"Is that a rule you made for yourself, or you actually don't want to be with him?" Pieck wrapped her lips around her straw, her teeth biting down on it.
You retracted a bit at her statement.
Love was imprisonment. This was a horrific truth you took too long to learn. The actual prospect of love had been tainted long ago. At least now you knew, falling in love . . . would be suicide. It always was.
"No," you blankly said. "I can't be in love."
"Has he told you he's in love?" Falco inquired, his green eyes wide with wonder.
"No," you shook your head. "There were many many moments I thought he would say it. But I guess I was wrong. And . . . one of my friends is in love with him. It's not fair for me to do that to her."
"Is it fair to you? You clearly have feelings for this guy," Pieck proposed yet another mind-boggling idea.
You sighed, "I don't know. Was it easy to tell with Porco?"
"If I was in love?" Pieck straightened up. "It's always tricky. Love isn't simple. It's confusing as fuck and you always confuse attraction with it. It took me a while to realize that I wanted more than just physical stuff. I wanted to be held by him when I was lonely and laugh at dumb jokes with him until my stomach would hurt. I guess that's when you know."
Mundane desires were the biggest symptom of love. And you cringed when you realized you were inching closer and closer to a full-blown diagnosis.
Realizing you wanted simple moments to share with someone was a sign of love. You looked down at the brown surface of the table and thought.
Sitting by a fireplace while a blizzard erupted beyond the warmth of your house, you pictured Eren next to you. Waking up in the morning, you pictured Eren next to you. Cooking breakfast in your pajamas in the kitchen, you pictured Eren next to you.
In every reality, he was the one you wanted.
You groaned, "I am going to kill myself."
"A little melodramatic. Don't you think?" Gabi stabbed the final bite of food in her plate.
You rolled your eyes and checked your phone.
Eren🎧
You at your dorm?
You
No at a restaurant
Eren🎧
Which one
You
Chilis
Eren🎧
What
I love chilis
Why didn't u tell me before 😒
You
I'm on a date
That's why
Eren🎧
At 1 pm on a Friday?
So this is what you do
when Levi cancels class?
Eren🎧
Who's the unlucky bastard
You
Your mom
Eren🎧
Bro. . .
You
WAIT
IM SORRY
I ACTUALLY FORGOT
LMAO PLS IM SORRY
Eren🎧
Im crying now
You
Pls forgive me
Eren🎧
No
This is unforgivable
You
U have a free pass to
make fun of me
Eren🎧
No
Don't hmu
Only the real ones know 💔
You
Shut up🙄
Eren🎧
No
Ur dead to me
You
I'll give u a kiss
Eren🎧
You really think I'm some
simp don't u?
Eren🎧
When am I getting
that kiss then?
You
When I see u
Eren🎧
Okay once you and my mom
are done having lunch
I'll see u
You
I'm going back to stohess
Why do u need to see me
Eren🎧
Didn't u know?
I'm kidnapping u and
selling u on the black market
You
Damn
Are you really that jealous that
I'm not on a date with you?
Eren🎧
Yes
You
I'm with Pieck
Eren🎧
I figured
Are you having fun tho
You
Yes
Sorry I'm at chilis without you:(
Eren🎧
As long as your happy I'm happy
You
simp
Three bubbles came up at the bottom to indicate he was texting, it then dropped. You cocked a brow but before you texted him anything, he began calling you.
You tried not to smile, but you felt like your face would melt if you didn't, "It's him."
"Pick up," the three of them hissed urgently.
You jerked in your seat and held the phone to your ear as you stood up, walking towards the bathroom, "Hello?"
"How come you have to go to Stohess today?" he said flatly.
You blinked and lightly chuckled, "Hello to you too. It's Aria's birthday today. I haven't visited her grave since I came here. I'm going to come back in the morning though."
He was silent for a few moments. Then, he spoke, "I'm coming with you."
"What?" you froze.
What you meant to say was 'nothing would make me happier', but you didn't want him to feel pressured because it was a somber day for you.
"Are . . . you sure?" you cautiously asked. "I don't want you to think you have to come with me."
"I want to," he said. His response was quick and sounded more than willing. "I want to come with you. Besides, you need a pair of strong arms to hold you when you cry."
You let out a laugh, "You already planned that?" When you heard him chuckle you said, "But, I appreciate you a lot. I'd love for you to come with me."
"Of course," he sounded sincere. "I promised I'd always be here for you."
You recalled the night at the beach just a few days ago. He had made the vow and promised before the stars. Your lips trailed up.
"Thank you," you whispered. "I guess I'll see you once I get home."
"I'll leave right now to come get you," he said. "To the Chili's you went to without me. Traitor."
You rolled your eyes, "You're so dramatic. I'll make it up to you."
"I'm waiting on that kiss when I see you," he was quick to counter.
"Kiss?" you ludicrously repeated. "I'd have to think about it."
"You went on a date with my dead mother and won't even give me a kiss? Damn."
"Alright," you laughed. "I'm going to go finish eating now. I guess we're going back to Stohess tonight. You better be ready to listen to Mitski for the next few hours."
Eren laughed, "Oh, that reminds me, I have a gift for you."
"A gift?" you piped. "Why?"
"Just because," he said airily, you could picture him shrugging as he said it. "Anyway, I'll see you in a bit."
"See you later," you smiled, hanging up.
Eren was going out of his way to not only take you to Stohess but come with you to visit your late friend. You couldn't help but think how horrendously you misjudged him at first.
When you hung up, you turned around but one of the stalls opened after a delayed flushing noise. Louise emerged from the stall and her eyes were wide. They were on you momentarily, but you pretended to be busy in washing your hands.
You hadn't said his name. Had you? You were replaying the conversation back and hoped you hadn't said his name. You couldn't even remember because your heart was beating so fast, and goosebumps rippled atop your flesh.
Louise had her eyes lowered while she dried her hands with paper towels. She walked out the bathroom, her footsteps echoing in the hollow room. You were practically trembling as you walked out right after.
She had to have heard the entire conversation. It was impossible that she hadn't. There was practically no other noise in the room. You were clenching and unclenching your fist repeatedly, ruminating on how the hell you didn't realize somebody else was in the goddamn bathroom.
With the bits and spaces between the conversation, it couldn't have been clear that Eren was the one you were speaking to. Hopefully, she wouldn't figure it out, especially now that she had been growing closer to your friends.
You sat back down at your table and were met with three pairs of wiggling brows. You grunted while covering your face in shame, "He wants to come to Stohess with me."
"That's great!" Pieck flashed a proud smile. She then pondered for a moment, "Does he know why you're going?"
You nodded, "I'd have to ask my parents if he can stay the night. Mason won't be home, at least."
"Stay at a hotel with him," Gabi suggested. "You could have sex without your parents catching you."
You rolled your eyes, then gulped, "I'm actually kind of nervous. We've done stuff—like casual stuff but this is like a big deal. He's going to my dead best friend's grave with me and possibly meeting my family."
"Woah," Falco held his hands up. "I think we missed a couple chapters."
"Who died?" Gabi intervened. "I'm so lost."
"Don't be nervous," Pieck tried to calm you down, ignoring the other two. "He's going because he cares about you."
You nodded. Never in a million years had you expected to have one of the best mornings in your life with your new best friend and two kids that ran away from Marley on your dead best friend's birthday. You smiled at your strange group.
Falco gave a thumbs up and with that, you had wrapped up your impromptu lunch with them. You were quick to grab the bill first and pay for the meal. Met with a whining Pieck, you briefly scolded her.
You had texted your parents earlier about Eren coming over, and to your surprise, they were more than willing to welcome him to stay over. As you stood up, you noticed Historia and Ymir had left. It was a relief without a doubt.
With impeccable timing, you got a text that Eren was outside.
"He's here," you told them.
Gabi and Falco kept their eyes peeled as they followed you into the parking lot. Against his car, Eren stood with a bouquet of flowers in his arms. He was dressed quite nice, you couldn't stop staring.
He was in a navy-blue crewneck, a white collared shirt underneath. He wore black pants and clean white and dark blue Jordan's. His hair was neatly tied back in its bun, and you simply continued to gawk at him.
"What did you do to him?" Pieck whispered in your ear.
You walked over to Eren who was smiling ear to ear. That expression on his face was quite rare, so for Pieck to have seen him smiling like that just at you, it painted an intricate tale.
"Hey," you smiled softly. Your eyes flicked down at the flowers, "Are these for Aria?"
You noticed they were your favorite flowers. You were surprised he even remembered from all your text conversations.
"These are for you actually. There's another bouquet in the backseat for her," he held them out for you. "You look beautiful."
You reached for the flowers, staring at him, "Thank you. You look great too. Black isn't the only color you look good in."
"I look good?" he raised a brow, excited as if he caught you slipping.
You tilted your head, still beaming, "Didn't I just say that?"
Eren couldn't stop smiling at you. But then, one of the kids—Gabi you assumed—cleared their throat. You both whipped your heads towards your other spectators.
"Hey, Pieck," Eren greeted, his tone courteous. "How are you?"
"Good," Pieck smirked. "And you?"
"Great," Eren nodded. "Wait a sec, Falco, Gabi. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in Marley?"
Falco chimed, "Yes, but we wanted to see Pieck. It's nice to see you again, Eren. Zeke missed you a lot."
"Damn Colt ratted him out to you, huh?" Eren chuckled, earning a nod from Falco. "And Gabi, you are so much older now. It feels like it was just yesterday you tried to overthrow my stats at all the games at camp."
Gabi had her arms folded, "I'll end up doing it someday. But I'm telling you now, if I find out you broke Y/n's heart, I'll personally rip yours out."
Eren raised his brows, and you did too before holding your fist out for Gabi to pump it. She did, all while glaring at Eren. Her strange and unexplained rivalry with Eren was clearly one-sided.
"Wouldn't dream of it," Eren said flatly. He looked at you, "So, you ready to go?"
You nodded at him and he turned to open the passenger seat for you. You looked back at Gabi and Falco, hugging them, "Thank you so much, you guys. I had so much fun with you."
"We had fun too," Falco smiled. "You really helped us a lot today."
Gabi nodded in agreeance, "I'm really happy I got suspended now. At first, I was kind of jealous Pieck had made a new friend but I'm glad it's you. Keep taking care of her."
You beamed at her and Falco, "You guys have to come visit us again, okay?"
They nodded and Pieck set her hands on each of their shoulders. She seemed maternal in the way she did so. You waved at them and got into the car. Eren shut the door for you and moved over to the driver's side.
"You need to stop by your place to grab anything?" he asked while clipping his seatbelt in.
"I'm coming back in the morning," you told him. "I have all I need at my house. I bought two of a bunch of things so I wouldn't have to worry about forgetting stuff."
"What about your toothbrush?" Eren asked.
"We have a bunch of unopened packs of toothbrushes at home," you shifted your hair. "My mom is pretty organized and keeps stuff stocked up."
You looked out the window. Pieck was stepping back with Falco and Gabi. They waved as they piled into her car.
"You made new friends, huh?" Eren caught you staring.
You looked at him, "Yeah. They showed up this morning and it was the weirdest thing. I'm so sad they're going back to Marley though."
Eren began driving out of the parking space, onto the main road. He looked towards oncoming traffic so he could take the turn, "They were so tiny when I was in my last year of camp all those years back. They're good kids."
You looked down at the flowers, "Yeah, they are." You recalled something that crossed your mind earlier. "Gabi sort of reminds me of you."
"What?" he quizzed. "How?"
"I don't know, she just does," you glanced at him. "By the way, I texted my parents. They're okay with you staying the night."
"Really?" he looked at you. "I didn't think that was even possible with how your brother is."
"Mason's in Marley," you assured. "He's not coming home for the weekend. Thank god. My parents aren't as psycho as they used to be so they were surprisingly calm about a boy coming over."
"See? That's good," Eren rocked his head like he was encouraging you. "You being away made them realize things and be more lenient."
You smiled. He was right, and you felt bad for getting mad at him the other day. You never thought you'd see the day a single one of your family members wouldn't micromanage you.
"I forgot to ask," you sat up straight. "Did you need to go home to get anything? Like clothes or a bag?"
He rubbed the back of his neck and that was when you realized how amazing he smelt. Fresh and clean, like mint and fresh laundry.
"I packed a bag for the night. I was going to stay at a hotel nearby and pick you up to bring you back. But this is better, I get to meet your family," he flashed a charming grin at you.
"Luckily, your nemesis won't be there," you referenced your older brother while continuing to study the flowers.
"What are you talking about? My sweet, beautiful nemesis is right here," he joked, reaching out and holding your face just to squeeze your cheeks together.
You swatted his hand away as he softly laughed. The car jolted a bit and the pills in your purse rattled, making you remember running into his father at the pharmacy.
"I forgot to tell you," you started. "I saw your dad today."
"Where?"
"The pharmacy," you explained. "I was with Pieck and the kids and we were talking about getting pregnant. Your dad overheard and I wanted to die. Like crawl out of my skin and run away. It was horrifying."
"Pregnant?" His eyes widened.
"Oh, I can see where I worded that wrong," you grimaced. "We were joking around. I'm not pregnant."
Your miswording of the situation had nearly trampled over your own composure. You didn't want to scare him off by making him think that you actually were pregnant.
Eren kept looking over at you and you gawked, "What?"
"Nothing," he shook his head. "Just thinking about how our kids would look like."
Your eyes popped. You were fairly certain you would've fell over if you weren't sitting. Not even you had thought about anything like that. His casual demeanor led you to believe . . . he wouldn't mind being tethered to you for life.
"I'd have to see how you looked as a kid," you countered. "Then I'd be able to tell."
"Hold on, first I'll see your baby pictures when we get to your place. Then I'll show you the baby pictures I have on my phone," he offered. "Deal?"
"Deal," you smiled.
You then checked your phone again, seeing a notification from ten minutes ago. You opened the text and gasped.
Eren nearly snapped his neck with how quickly he looked at you, "What? What happened?"
"Your dad sent me a photo of you," you laughed.
You continued staring at the photo. It was a baby picture of Eren, it looked like he was in the middle of walking. His tiny arms were extended out to maintain balance and you felt your heart melt.
His eyes were the same, wide but confused. His lashes were long as well. So he was born with them, huh. He was in a blue onesie and his hair was short and messy.
"Aww. You were the cutest baby," you crooned. "See? It was fate. We were just talking about you being a baby and your father sends me a photo."
In that moment, you were certain that if he were to have a baby, it would have the best genetics known to mankind. That baby would be the cutest thing to ever walk the earth.
"Oh, that guy loves that picture," Eren tried to hide a smile.
You weren't sure when he was going to finally get along with his father. But you prayed it was soon, because you couldn't bear to see him so alone.
"It's the cutest thing I've ever seen," you pressed your palm against your warming cheek. "I'm mad. I was kind of expecting you to be the grossest child."
Eren looked offended, "I was the best-looking kid to have ever lived. I can't believe you would ever have doubts like that."
You grinned, "Relax, I'm messing with you."
Eren rolled his eyes before chiming, "Hold up, he gave you his number today?"
You shrugged modestly like you pulled off some grand heist. He scoffed and tossed his thumb to point in the back seat, "I got you something. It's in the gift bag."
You peered into the back, seeing a purple gift bag sitting on the floor behind his seat, "I thought the flowers were the gift."
You made a grab for the bag, and he simply shook his head. You moved the gift wrap tissue and pulled out a box. Your jaw dropped.
It was the Bluetooth noise cancelling headphones he had owned a pair of himself. A low gasp escaped your throat. Your eyes flicked towards him.
"You're crazy," you softly murmured, opening the box. "You didn't have to get me a gift."
"I wanted to," he shrugged. "You like it?"
You set the box down, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, "I love it. Thank you."
For a moment, he was still. He blinked several times as if he couldn't believe you kissed him on the cheek. You almost wanted to remind him that you already had sex several times. But his child-like disposition was comforting.
You slipped the headphones over your ears and pulled down the visor mirror. While eyeing yourself in the mirror, you kept adjusting them on your head.
Looking over at Eren, you asked, "How do I look?"
Eren glanced over at you, chuckling, "Like a dork."
"Ha ha," you jeered. "Hilarious. You're just jealous I look better in them than you."
He had aux, so he started to play his music. As the song started, you stared out the window, recognizing it to be 'Bound 2' by Kanye West. The windows were rolled down and the music was blasting. You felt his hand on your thigh, protectively yet comfortingly sitting atop your leg.
"You do," Eren added, voice low.
You rolled your eyes, smiling as you pulled the headphones off.
Your eyes flicked between his hand and his face. He adorned the smallest of smiles; it wasn't a smirk but a relieved expression. His other hand rested on the steering and his eyes were transfixed on the road as the wind glided along his skin and through his hair. He'd probably have to fix his hair again before you met your parents.
You couldn't help the way your own lips curled up, your eyes moving from him to the road. In that moment, you could not think of any other sight that made you so happy.
You eyed the flowers in your arms once more. You studied the petals, the shapes, the colors, everything. You noticed that he had brought red roses as well for your friend. You cocked a brow at the fact there were two bouquets of them in the back. Not dwelling much on it, you kept your eyes ahead.
The detrimental thoughts you had all week weren't even bothering you anymore. Doubts of returning after the accident ran amok in your head, making you feel sick the past few days. You weren't scared anymore.
His hand grazed yours and every insecurity, every awful feeling had fizzled away. He was right by your side, fulfilling the promise he made to you on the beach with a smile on his face.