<>Long chapter incoming<>
Tw: sexual assault, self-harm
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y/n:
A light knock on the door woke me up the next morning. I quickly sat up and stretched. "Come in!" I said and Wilbur opened the door. He just smiled at me what made me smile as well. "Sorry, did I woke you up?" he asked. A small chuckle escaped me as I nodded "Yeah, you did. How late is it though?" "It's already 12.30pm, that's why I wanted to check on you" "Oh... well thank you then" He just nodded and walked out again. I quickly stood up and raised the shutters, before I put on my jeans from yesterday. I kept on the tshirt from Will though. Then I finally walked out into the living room, where Wilbur sat on the couch. I sat next to him and got on my phone. I just checked a few social media pages as Wilbur suddenly broke the long silence between us. "y/n?" he asked what made me look over to him. "Mhm?" I just hummed as response. "I wanted to stream later, would you like to come with me? It's not a stream with someone else. I just thought that it probably would be nice since you probably also wanted to start streaming, right?"
A smile appeared on my face as I nodded "Yeah I love that idea. Probably it'll give some more experience before I start with it. I really hope it works out for me and that I can make money with it. I- I don't want to go back to my current job" "And you won't have to. I'll help you with streaming and support you wherever I can, alright?" he said softly. I nodded "Okay, I appreciate that a lot" He smiled "Okay, we will have to go to the office later then. But like, today's evening, how does that sound to you?" "Sounds good. Oh and I have to call someone because of my door" I said and sighed as I leaned my head back so I was facing the ceiling. "I can call someone, don't worry about it" Wilbur suddenly said. I looked over to him, surprised. Would he actually do that for me? Why would someone be this nice? It's like he would do everything for me. And in fact, he actually kind of did. I just couldn't figure out why.
"W- what? Would you really?" I asked, still looking at him. "Yeah of course, I know how much you hate it to talk to strangers. I'll take care of that" he responded with a lovely smile. "T- thank you" I said and leaned in for hug. He doesn't have to do all of these things, but he still does. That can only mean that he actually likes me, right? There is no way that someone would do this without liking someone. I liked that thought. I was now completely sure he wouldn't leave me. Not necessarily. I had doubts at the beginning, if I could trust him, if he was joking with me and he actually doesn't like me at all. But now I knew that he was nice, caring, supporting, just perfect. Like, how could someone actually be this perfect? I knew that he would do his best to try and help me with my problems.
I buried my face in the crook of his neck. I didn't want to part from him. And surprisingly he seemed to not want it neither. He didn't say anything, and didn't do anything except that he hugged me back. I just stayed like this. Everything seemed so nice in this moment, that I never wanted it to stop. And it didn't. We stayed for a while like this. No one talked, nor moved. Everything I heard was his breathing and his heartbeat.
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I still sat on the couch while Wilbur was in the kitchen, talking to someone that could open my door, on the phone. I was just a bit on my phone, watching Tik Toks and stuff like that. It was now already 3pm and we did nothing today. We just sat a bit around, doing stuff on our phones while we talked a bit. It was calming and I was actually grateful for a day where I could just relax a bit. For my surprise I didn't even felt guilty for doing nothing, as I normally did. "Okay, you have to go to your house at 5.30pm. There will be a man who can open your door, are you fine with that?" Will asked as he walked over to me. I nodded and smiled "Yeah, thank you again so so much"
I knew that I still had to speak, and interact with a stranger later, but Wilbur did the worst part for me. "No problem, really. Probably you could go to the office afterwords, so we can stream a little bit?" he asked whereupon I nodded once again. "Yes, that would probably be the easiest way" I agreed with a smile. After that we just continued our conversation. It was still relaxed since we didn't talk about any too serious topics, except streaming. Wilbur just explained a bit what it was about and what exactly he was doing. He also talked about all his friends. Tommy, for example, he was just 18 years old but was friends with Wilbur for over three years now already. Or Philza, who is a good friend of Wilbur too. They seemed all to be very nice and I hoped to meet them sometime. I would need some time, and I also couldn't meet a lot of people at one time, but I really wanted to be a part of the things that Wilbur did.
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"Alright, I will go now, see you later. When will you be at the office?" I asked as I already put on my shoes. Wilbur walked up to me and leaned against the wall. "I don't know, probably at like 6.30pm? Then you still have some time at home" I nodded "Sounds good, alright see you later then" I said with a smile and walked out after he said his goodbye as well. It was cold today, and it was already getting dark. I just started walking to my place. I was a bit nervous about the guy I would have to meet. But since I was already a bit late I just tried to push my thoughts away and to just quicken my step a bit. I would have to interact with this person anyways. He wouldn't be that bad, right? After a few minutes I arrived at my place and I could already see the guy standing a bit away from my door. I took a deep breath and walked up to him. As I came nearer to him I noticed that he was young. Probably even my age.
"Oh hey, are you the person that lives here?" he asked. My eyes widened as I heard him speak. I recognized his voice immediately, even though it sounded a bit different through a phone. It was Jared. I didn't dare to speak. He would recognize me too when I would start speaking, so I just nodded. "Okay, so I will crack your door open now, it won't be broken afterwords, don't worry. So, should I start?" he asked. I nodded again. I started to feel really uncomfortable as he started to inspect me from head to toe. This whole time he had a grin on his face, just like the one I had imagined on him all the time. After a few more seconds where he looked at me, and I looked just somewhere else, he got his tools. He didn't say, nor did something else before he started to open my door. It just took him probably five minutes.
(A/N: okay I just wanted to mention that I have literally NO idea on how this works, so we will just pretend it works like this yeah?:') also, I know this Jared thing is weird, but I needed to do something special okay:/)
"And, that's it!" he said and looked at me again. I immediately looked away again. I couldn't look at him. I was feeling uncomfortable and I really found him disgusting. "Is everything okay with you, my dear?" he asked. I shivered at the pet name, but looked back at him. He had a huge grin on his face. "Uhm, y- yeah, of course. Thank you so much" I said and forced myself to a small smile. I also tried to change my voice a bit so he wouldn't recognize me. And it seemed to work. "Great, so that would be 20 pounds" he continued. I nodded and got the 20 pounds out of my wallet. "Thank you, so, are you doing anything tonight?" he asked and the smirk came back to his face. I gulped. I wanted this to stop. He should go away, leave me alone. "I- I am" I said.
"Oh really? And what if I may ask?" he asked and stepped closer to me. He lay an arm on my shoulder and let it wander down to my waist. I wasn't able to move. I just thought how much I wanted him to leave. "I- I'm meeting someone" I finally stuttered out. "Mhm , okay. So, could I join you probably? To, you know, get to know you a bit?" he asked. "N- no, sorry he's-" what do I do? I just had one thing I could say so that he would leave me. "- he's my boyfriend" He froze "Oh, well we can work around that...?" he asked, his smile fading as if he was unsure and he put his hand away again. I just stayed silent, hoping he would just finally go away. He let out a deep sigh "Well, have a good night then" he said and walked away. I stared at him as he left. Once I couldn't see him anymore I sighed. I felt bad for saying that I have a boyfriend. I lied.
I shouldn't have said that, but that was the only way I could've got rid of him. I just slowly walked in. I was in shock because of what Jared had done to me. I placed my bag on the ground and let me fall onto the couch. Why are there people like Jared? He was an awful person. And I wished I could've done anything. But I was too much in shock. The way he touched me was unpleasant. And his words, or more his whole behavior, made me feel sick. I could feel how I slowly started to tear up. Why did I just stood there like that? Why didn't I do anything? I was weak. Soon a few tears rolled down my cheek. I lay down on the couch and just cried for a while. I didn't mind. No one would notice.
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After a while I finally managed it to calm down again. I couldn't get rid of the things that Jared had done though. It stayed in my mind. I just stood up and walked over to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror for a while. Why am I so weak? I should have done anything. Or at least I could've said something. But I didn't. It was my own fault he did this to me. I could've done something, but I just didn't. I opened the drawer and got a razor blade. I should punish myself for not defending myself. It was my own fault after all. My grip around the blade got tighter as I pulled it into the skin of my wrist. It was painful, but this was what I needed. I sank down to my knees while I continued to pull the razor blade into my skin.
I needed to punish me for being so dumb. I needed to teach myself how to endure the pain. How to be, and stay strong. Tears formed again in my eyes. But it wasn't the pain. I barely even felt the pain. After a few cuts I stopped the cutting. Blood poured out of my skin. Soon the floor around me was also painted in the red liquid, and even more tears rolled down my face. After a few minutes where I just sat on the ground of the bathroom, balling my eyes out, I stood up again. I undressed myself and got into the shower. The hot water, and the soap were extremely painful on the fresh cuts on my arm, but it just reminded me of how weak I was. How weak I was all of the time. I quickly finished showering and started to clean the bathroom floor.
After I was done with that I got dressed. I also put bandages on my wrist. Wilbur should not notice what I had done. It was probably not the right thing to do that, but in the situation this was the only thing that came into my mind. After I was done with everything I checked the time again. It was already 6.45pm, so I was already late. I quickly put on my shoes and got all of my things before I walked out.
I quickly headed to the office. I was really tired now, but I really wanted to see Wilbur now and I also really want to stream with him. The last times where I streamed with him his viewers seemed to like me, so maybe it would actually cheer me up a bit. I already arrived so I walked in and headed over to Wilbur's room. I just quickly caught my breath before I knocked. "Hey, come in" he said as he opened the door. I did as he told me and walked in. "Sorry I'm late, there were a few... complications" I said and sighed. "Oh really? What happened?" he asked and sat down in his chair, while I sat down on the couch. For a second I didn't know if I should tell him, but I trusted him. And I felt like I needed to tell someone, even if I firstly didn't want him to know "Well... okay. There was a guy that was calling me for a while you know. His name is Jared. He always flirted with me, but it was uncomforting as hell and I just wanted him to leave. I also thought that he did but-" I stopped.
My breath was getting faster as I started to think about it again. I kinda regretted it to cut myself. "Well, he was the guy that was opening my door today. He- I don't think he knew who I was, but he flirted with me again, was making me uncomfortable and even touched me. I- I couldn't do anything, I was in shock. And afterwords I felt bad for doing nothing. I felt weak and- and I-" I tried to take a deep breath. I knew what Wilbur could think about me if I was telling him what I had done, but I actually didn't care. I trusted Wilbur enough to believe that he could understand, or at least, accept my behavior. "I- I cut myself, Wilbur" I just whispered that. I felt guilty. I probably shouldn't have done that. Wilbur just stared at me in shock. "y/n" he said what made me look over to him. "I'm so, so, so sorry for you. Are you okay? You- you know that self harm is not the right thing to do, right?"
He seemed like he did his best to stay calm by himself. I nodded "Yeah, I do know that. I already put bandages around my wrists" "Can I see them?" he asked. His voice was quiet and worried. I just nodded again, so came over to me. He put the bandages off again, really carefully. He didn't hurt me at all, since his touches were so soft. "It seems like the cuts are not too deep. They'll heal easily but I think they'll leave scars" he said after a while. I looked up to him. "I really shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry Wilbur" He shook his head "No need to apologize to me. You're right, you shouldn't have done that, and please tell me you won't do it ever again, okay? But you'll be fine" After that I remained silent. He just pulled me into a hug. I really needed this. His nearness, his warmth. It seemed like everything was okay when I was with him. "Promise me you won't do this again" he whispered, and I sighed. "I promise" I replied.
After he parted us again he put the bandages on my wrists again. "How do you feel? Should we stream, or probably not?" he asked. A smile appeared on my face as he mentioned streaming.
"I'm okay, I definitely can stream. Probably it will distract me from... this whole thing" I said. Wilbur smiled now as well and we both sat down in the chairs that stood in front of his desk. While Wilbur started everything I just stayed a bit on my phone. "Alright, my intro is on. We can start in like, one and a half minutes" Wilbur said after a few minutes. I put my phone back into my pocket again and smiled. I was excited, but in a good way. I really hoped that streaming would be a good thing for me.
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"Alright Chat! It's pretty late already, I think we'll have to end the stream now. I hope to see you guys soon, bye!" Wilbur said after a few hours of streaming, I enjoyed the stream a lot, even though I was now extremely done. "It was a lovely stream. Hopefully I will join again one day, bye bye!" I said now as well and smiled at the camera. Wilbur just said 'bye' one more time before he ended the stream. I sighed and leaned back in my chair. I was tired as hell, and everything got just worse when I remembered that I would have to get some food on my way home. I wasn't even in the mood to go home now. I just wanted to lay down and sleep. I didn't want to walk back home, or get some food. Just some sleep. That would be good for me. My day was tough.
"How are you?" Wilbur asked. I snapped out of my thoughts and looked over to him. "I'm okay, right now just really really tired. I don't really want to walk back home" I said and let out a soft chuckle. He chuckled as well. "Understandable. I'm also tired to be honest" "Have you eaten something already?" I asked then. "No, not yet. Why are you asking though?" "I haven't as well, what about we get something together?" He nodded with a smile "Yeah sure. Just let me turn everything off and we can get going, alright?" he asked. "Yeah sure, no hurry" I replied and got my phone. I started to look through my Twitter page since I had nothing else to do. I just scrolled around for a few minutes until Wilbur was ready. We simply started a conversation on our way out.
He acted like nothing had happened, what I was happy about. I didn't want to make a scene out of it. I just needed him around me for a while. To feel safe. To know that nothing would happen. We walked to the nearest small restaurant since we were both extremely tired. We just continued talking. Wilbur mainly told me about the Dream smp and all of his friends. The more and more he told me about it, the more I got interested in it. I knew now who they all were because of the videos I have watched, but now I also got to know how they really were.
***
"Thank you so much for everything tonight Wilbur. But I will go home now, my day was tough" I said and yawned. "Yeah of course, should I bring you home?" he offered, making me smile. I liked the idea of him bringing me home. "If you don't mind..." "If I would, I wouldn't have offered it to you" he replied with a light chuckle. We quickly payed and walked out. While we ate something it went completely dark outside. It was again just the light from the street lamps. I loved how the city looked. Everything seemed so calm and peaceful. I liked it this time even more because I wasn't alone. I looked up to Wilbur who just stared at the streets in front of us. I couldn't help it but adore him. The orange like light from the street lamps made him look so god damn pretty. "Wilbur... how...?" "Mhm? Is everything okay?" he asked with a smile. I instantly returned the smile. "Yeah, yeah, everything is perfect" I thought for a few seconds if I should tell him. Everyone likes getting compliments, right? So why not make him one.
"You look so pretty Wilbur. Actually, it drives me crazy" I suddenly spoke up. It was a bit weird for a second and I couldn't really read his look, but then he started smiling, and also to blush. "Thank you so much y/n. It means a lot much to me" he said. Now I smiled and blushed as well. I quickly looked down when I noticed, and hoped that didn't see it. "But you're also really pretty. If not one of the prettiest persons I've ever met. And please, don't deny it, because it's true. y/n, you may not see it, but you are gorgeous" I looked back up to him. I didn't care that I was blushing as hell. I didn't know what to say. Nobody has ever told me that I was pretty. I didn't know how to react on such a compliment. "I- I- t- thank- thank y- you" I stuttered out.
He just smiled and looked back forward on the streets. I just tried to do the same. I tried my best to stay calm, but my heart was racing and my face felt extremely hot. I've never felt like this before. Soon enough we arrived at my place. I didn't really wanted Wilbur to leave me, but I know he had to. I just wished that I wouldn't be alone now. I was scared of me now. I didn't know what I would do to me if I was alone. "Okay, good night Wilbur" I said. It was quiet between us since we both had told each other the compliments. "Good night, try to get some sleep, alright?" he replied, whereupon I nodded "I will do my best. C- can I give you hug?" I asked. "You don't have to always ask me, okay? But sure" he answered and smiled softly. I just wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in the crook of his neck for a few seconds. I really didn't want to part from him, but after a short while, I did.
"Okay, I'll see you" I said with a smile and opened the door. "Bye!" he said and already started to walk away. I once again noticed how tired I was, so I quickly put off my shoes and jacket and rushed into the bathroom. I quickly brushed my teeth and went then over into my bedroom where I just changed my clothes and already lay down in my bed. I opened Spotify on my phone and started to play some chill songs. I placed my phone on my nightstand and closed my eyes. I just got comfortable in my bed. After a few minutes I drifted away to sleep.
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(3947 words)
Okay I don't really know what to think about this chapter, but I hope you liked it:) And I also hope you're doing alright. Please remember that self-harm is not a good thing to do, so please look for anything else that may help<3 I love you, and take care!
- Luma