Writing is a great way to let out everything that you are feeling. Often when we feel something new, we do not know what it exactly is. Writing helps you identify your feelings and label it, making it easier for you to understand yourself.
However, as Perrie was writing, flashbacks of her painful past came to her like a surge of flood during a hurricane.
"Are you a nurse here?" Jade asks.
"No."
"A doctor?"
"No."
"Then what are you doing in my room? I don't know you."
"I'm just...visiting you. I'm Perrie."
Jade shifts on her bed, and since she's still groggy from the drug that the doctors injected in her, she's a bit weak. Perrie was kind enough to hand her a glass of water. Jade stares at her for a second before taking the glass from the blonde.
"Thanks." She mumbled. Perrie smiled and grabbed a chair to sit beside Jade on the bed. The brunette just observed her. "I don't get visitors. It's strange to have you in here."
"You're gonna be seeing me more often."
"I'll be out of here in two days."
"Then, I'll be following you around in two days."
Jade shrugged, "Suit yourself." Jade tries to lay flat on the hospital bed. Her head was still spinning, but for some reason, she already feels better with the blonde stranger in her room talking to her. "My name is Jade."
Perrie smiled even if she already knows her name. "Hello, Jade. Nice meeting you."
Jade looked at the blonde through her peripheral, "You're weird."
"What do you mean I'm weird?" Perrie asks, tilting her head to the side at Jade's statement making the brunette smile for the first time since Perrie came into her room.
"Never mind." Jade answered. Perrie smiled back at her and stayed beside the brunette.
They talked about the most random things, oftentimes nonsense things because of the medicine's effect on Jade. They'll just laugh at whatever Jade felt like saying until the brunette fell asleep.
Perrie stayed, just like what she said. She watched Jade sleep and thought to herself, this girl doesn't need redemption, she just needs comfort. And that's exactly what Perrie is doing.
Guardian angels don't sleep. They are assigned to protect and guide people, groups or nations all day and all night. They can't be seen, too, unless they wanted to be seen. They may be the lowest order of angels, but they play a prominent role and are the most recognized celestial beings. They are at the lowest rank because they bring the divine message to us terrestrial creatures.
From the beginning of time, every soul was assigned a guardian angel the moment it was put into a body, Christian or not. The Creator of the universe gave us an angel so that we would never be alone. It's like having your own personal Batman following you around for protection and to tell you when you should not do something you'll regret later on.
Angels are super-geniuses, even smarter than Tony Stark and Bruce Banner combined. Angels don't think like humans do. Humans use logic to get from one thought to the next. While Angels don't take any intermediate steps, they just reach the conclusion. They have insights constantly. Because of this, they are constantly contemplating things such as humans, other angels, and God.
Contrary to popular belief, Angels can't get bored. Because they are outside of our space-time, angels have no chronological time, which means they never wait, and they can't get bored because they are part of the immaterial world. Not only that, but guardian angels are never bored because humans are the subject of their attention, and humans don't end, they just keep going.
Two days have passed in the hospital and the doctor finally discharged Jade. Just like what Perrie said, she stayed with the brunette.
Jade isn't aware that the nurses and doctors can't see Perrie. Sometimes, the nurses turn their heads at Jade whenever she talks on her own, most of them don't pay much attention. They always think it has something to do with the effects of the medication that she's taking.
After she got out of the hospital, Jade hadn't seen Perrie. Little did she know that Perrie was always with her. And no, she's not hovering above Jade. She just surrounds the brunette at all times.
One day, Jade decides to head to the library when she notices an ice cream cart by the park. She stopped to buy one.
"What does it taste like?" Jade turns her head behind her to see Perrie staring in awe at the ice cream she's holding on one hand as she's handing the vendor her payment.
"Do you want some? I'll buy one for you."
"No, but thank you...just tell me, what does it taste like?"
Jade spun around so she was now facing the blonde. "It's cold. Smooth. Sweet like candy. It's also creamy – it tastes like heaven to be honest." Perrie laughs. Jade smiled at her sudden burst of laughter and asked, "What's funny?"
"Have you tasted Heaven?" Perrie asks.
This caused Jade to chuckle as they continued to stroll. "It's a word I use to describe when something is so darn good. Like this ice cream, for example. Sometimes, there aren't enough words to describe how good it is, so we use 'heaven'."
"So you believe in heaven then?"
"Yeah, because of this ice cream, I believe heaven is real." Perrie stares at Jade. Her answer seemed to perplex Perrie and yet, she finds it amusing how the brunette was so content with her piece of heaven. Jade laughed at her reaction causing the blonde to laugh with her.
They went straight to the library and stayed there the entire day. As Jade finished one book after the other, Perrie roamed near the brunette, making sure no harm would come her way. Jade didn't feel odd by the blonde's presence anymore, she's at peace whenever Perrie is around.
"Why do you like the library?" Perrie asks.
"It's quiet. And it has lots of books, it calms me."
"Calms you?"
"Uh huh." Jade closes the books she's reading and looks at Perrie. "Doctors said I'm really sick. That I may not last a month. The very thought of it scares me. And reading books somewhat calms me. It makes me think of something else, it makes me feel more alive..."
Perrie's face turned serious as she studied Jade's actions. "You're afraid of death."
Jade looked down at her lap and let out a long weary sigh. She's known for quite some time that she's not going to last long, and she's forced herself into thinking that she's not scared and that she's ready. But every time she feels sick and feels the pain, dread envelops her like a dark cloud. She can feel it. And she's scared, but she won't admit it to just anyone...except Perrie.
"I don't know what's going to happen after I die. And not knowing scares me. I've read a lot of books about the afterlife but all of them are just theories," Jade said as she fumbles with her hand. "Where will I go? Will I become a flower? An angel?"
Perrie smiled at her question, "Well, you won't become an angel, that's for sure. Humans can never be angels."
"Why is that?"
"Well, for starters, angels are pure spirits," Perrie explained. "Each and every single angel are snowflakes, which means they are unique and different from any other angel. So much so that each angel could be considered a different species. This means that every angel has their very own, very different personality."
"I've sometimes believed that I would become one when I die."
"People believe in all kinds of things about what happens when they die. One is that people become angels, another is that people become flowers of God's garden."
"That's reassuring. So what do I become when I die then if I don't become an angel?" Jade inquired, her full attention now at the blonde.
"I don't know to be honest. Not a single angel knows what's in the afterlife. All I know is that humans do not become angels when they die. Humans are one kind of God's creation, and angels are another. To say people become angels is to say you stop being human."
"Hmm...That's deep," Jade comments, eyeing the blonde with a raised eyebrow. "And you seem to know a lot about angels."
Perrie smiles at her and points at a bookshelf, "I read, too, you know." This caused Jade to chuckle with the blonde. "Don't stress yourself about the afterlife."
"I just have...so many unanswered questions."
"Some questions are better off unanswered, trust me. You just have to believe, have faith that things will get better in time." Perrie reassured her and rested her hand on top of Jade's. And for the first time, Jade felt something different, but she can't put it into words. Perrie's touch is so comforting and calming.
As days go by, Perrie would often show herself to Jade. Most of the time in the library, other times at the park.
Perrie noticed that Jade doesn't really have a lot of company, she hasn't seen any friends or family of the brunette. Although, that wasn't her primary concern, her mission is just to comfort the brunette until her time finally comes to an end. But she couldn't help but wonder. She wanted to know more about Jade.
She saw Jade at the park in the usual spot where they always meet up. And for the first time, she also saw a guy talking to Jade – a guy with an interesting fashion choice, he had dreadlocks that had a mind of its own, and he was sporting an unpretentious, no-nonsense natural mustache. And it looks like they are arguing.
From Perrie's point-of-view, Jade seems to be pushing him away, but the guy was being persistent, holding her wrists in an attempt to change her mind. In the end, the guy looked somewhat defeated as he walked away with slumped shoulders leaving Jade crying on her own.
Perrie immediately rushed to the brunette's side, "Are you alright?"
Jade stopped crying the moment she heard the blonde behind her. She wiped her tears before turning around. "Yes." She sniffled.
"I saw the man. Was he bothering you?"
"No...he's...uhm...his name is Jordan. He was my boyfriend."
"Was?"
"I broke up with him months ago when I discovered that I'm dying," Jade explains as she tries to fight the sniffle. "I didn't exactly tell him the reason why. I just want him to go on with his life, you know? Not stuck with a dying girlfriend. He's a good man, and I hurt him."
Perrie's expression softened after hearing Jade's explanation. She's thinking Jade has already suffered so much not just with her health, but also her emotions. What's weird about it is that Perrie appears to be affected whenever she sees Jade in pain or any sort of distress. Sure, guardian angels are supposed to feel concern for the person they are watching over, yet somehow this new, profound feeling was something else. She finds it odd in ways that she couldn't explain.
Without hesitation, Perrie pulled the brunette towards her to give her a hug. Little by little, she could feel Jade's arms slowly wrapping around her waist in return.
And for the first time, Perrie felt something " something good that she hadn't felt before. She couldn't help but close her eyes, and feel more of Jade's warmth and embrace.
☆
Perrie's eyes were still close, recalling the first time she hugged Jade. She was still holding her pen, but she had to stop writing to remember the feeling of having Jade in her arms. She could remember very clearly every hug, every kiss, every smile on every lifetime that she shared with Jade. And in that second, her tears start to fall on the notepad where she's writing their story.
She couldn't bear the pain of losing Jade over and over again, even in memory. Every lifetime that she loses Jade, she loses a part of herself – it leaves a wound in her whole being – a wound that never heals.
She hadn't realized it was already dark outside, so she decided to go out and get some fresh air. It was snowing and was a bit chilly, so she had to put on an extra layer of clothing underneath her coat.
When she was about to leave, she stopped by the full-length mirror near the door to check herself out. She twists her body sideways, but she can't see her wings just like what the kid claimed she'd seen.
It's weird because if her wings were back, she should've seen them, too. But why did Althea see it? Jesy didn't even see Perrie's wings when she was waiting for her by the porch. The kid is the only person who saw it.
She shakes her head at the silly thought. Maybe the kid's got a wild imagination, she thought. After all, Althea's still a kid, regardless of what she is and being The Oracle's godchild.
Perrie stepped out of her house and walked to the direction of Leigh's café. As she rounded the corner by the streetlight, she stopped in her tracks when she saw Jade sitting by the bench all alone. The same bench where they last spoke, and where she told the brunette about the novel that she's writing.
She was about to take a step back when Jade looked up and saw her. The brunette's eyes lit up, she instantly got up and approached Perrie cautiously, hoping not to scare the blonde away.
"I was hoping to see you here," Jade admitted. "I went to Leigh-Anne's café, but you weren't there."
Every time Perrie wants to avoid Jade, like this very moment, all she wants to do is run away from Jade, run away and never look back, but she can't do it. Her mind is telling her to leave yet there's this stronger force that's stopping her feet from moving an inch.
"I...I was actually heading there." Perrie stumbled over her own words, and continued to walk up ahead. Jade followed. "I was working on my novel and I didn't notice the time."
Jade hummed, "I like this novel that you're writing. I think this is the best one I've heard so far."
"It isn't finished yet."
"Which makes it a lot more interesting. Have you thought about the ending?" Jade inquired.
"No...I haven't. I'm still stuck in the middle."
"How did they fall in love?"
"In which lifetime?"
"The first time," Jade answered. Perrie casts her eyes down at the trail of snow they were walking on.
"It was the angel who fell in love first. It was the first time she felt it. She didn't know how it happened or when it all started, she just knew. She was so in love with the girl that she was willing to leave everything behind just to be with her. And she did..." Perrie never gets tired of retelling the same story to brunette every lifetime they meet. Only this time, she's telling it as if it's not their story all along. "Slowly...day by day...she started losing her divinity. First, it was her wings. Then, her ability to stay unseen. And when they shared their first kiss, the transition completed – the angel became mortal."
"I thought she never aged nor changed?"
"It was the curse that made her that way."
"Okay. Then what happens next?"
"And then they were happy...but for a very short time, because the girl was sickly and dying. When the girl's time came, the angel prayed to God to keep her alive and heal her. But she didn't get an answer. Until another angel came to take the soul from her lover's body." Perrie couldn't keep her tears from falling, she looked the other way, so Jade won't see it. She could still hear her own voice screaming...
"Bring her back! Bring her back! I'm begging you!" Perrie was looking up at the sky as she's cradling Jade's cold, lifeless body in her arms. "I'll do anything! Just bring her back to me...please!" She kept on screaming and sobbing uncontrollably. Her tears just kept falling like flash floods on her cheeks. Even if she knows that Jade couldn't be brought back to life, she kept on begging, hoping that she would be favored.
"Perrie?" Jade asks, bringing the blonde back to reality. She sniffled quietly and subtly touched her cheek to wipe the tears away. "Are you crying?"
"Oh, no...I think...uh...a snowflake went inside my eyes. And it's getting colder, so..."
"Let's get inside the café before you catch a cold out here." Perrie nodded, and they continued their walk to The Emerald Cafe.
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♫ The Last Time - Taylor Swift ft. Gary Lightbody