"Watch you shaking..."
♫ Sextape by Deftones.
✰ ✰ ✰
When we left Leo's, my father departed from us to fall back to Aurora, and Zayn, Harlow and I all went back to the Lake House.
Naomi, Koi, Mikey, Niko, and Kris were outside on the back patio, smoking, drinking, and eating dinner when we got there. They lit a bonfire on the sand below the deck and even found some marshmallows and chocolate to use for S'mores.
They were trying to make peace out of the evening.
But, Harlow dragged me away to the beach.
And we took a minute for just us together, and slow danced by the shore to Sextape by Deftones, playing on Kristen's radio.
The ride back to there felt so... heavy.
It was hard to believe just how much we had ahead of us. It felt like we were in an apocalypse movie and it was the scene where the humans had their last night on earth. They did all of their favorite things, hung out with all of their favorite people, fucked, drank, and partied till' the sun rose.
Then, when it did, that was when the danger came and they had no choice but to bid their farewells.
Everyone was on edge.
The plan was to take Aurora in, and by order of Zayn, take Jess, out.
My dad confirmed that my sister's 'watching eyes', her claimed backup, was all a hoax, a scare tactic - but that Jess was a willing participant in her scheme.
Which meant, it was the two of them to deal with.
Even that was hard for me to wrap my head around.
Jess was a loser and a pretty shitty person. But, to think he was plotting with her for revenge against me? Against Harlow? To think he would aid in hurting me, or... killing me? It shocked me to my fucking core for many reasons, and didn't, for others.
Amara was the one who taught her to be, but Aurora was manipulative. She had this way about her, this perverted, sadistic attitude from months--possibly years of grooming and toxicity being forced inside her head. Amara's ideals and friends' alike, all inflicted so much psychological damage on her. They taught her how to be a monster, and she was just naive enough to follow along and take their words of 'wisdom' with faith.
She knew how to poke at the holes in peoples' confidence, and get them to listen to her, no matter what the cost. I had no doubt that she was able to convince Jess that hurting us would solve his problems, or make him feel better, or that violence was the answer to his grudge against us.
Or maybe she didn't have to manipulate him at all.
Harlow wasn't shy about reminding me that sometimes, it didn't take much for people to want to hurt you.
Some people were just bad.
Granted, Harlow humiliating Jess in that trailer park was more than likely the icing on the cake, and he felt guilty about it. He felt like it was his fault. That if he hadn't gone there and said what he said to him, it wouldn't have opened the gates for Aurora to snake in and use him for her own advantage. I told him not to think that. I told him he was protecting me. I told him that he had no way of knowing what would come out of doing something like that, but like always, he didn't listen to me.
My headstrong, stubborn man.
He was being quiet, but there wasn't much to say.
We had this one night together to prepare, it was hard not to stress.
We had no idea what was coming.
I was scared, we all were.
But as long as we had each other, we'd be alright.
He sang to me softly, his voice sweet and silky, his pitch, perfect, creating a calm ambiance and atmosphere around us that was much appreciated.
I closed my eyes against his chest and he kissed the top of my head. I could both smell and hear him blow out the smoke from his cigarette.
"What's goin' on inside that head now, Cherry-bomb?" He muttered lowly, running his fingers through my hair, "You're too quiet. Talk to me."
"I keep thinking about Zack. That's all." I murmured, tightening my grip around his torso, "I don't like that he's with her. That he's in danger. I don't wanna..." Saying out loud felt like I was jinxing myself, "Lose someone else."
"Hey..." He patted my back, signaling me to pull back from him a bit and look up with my chin rested on his chest.
He quickly did a french-inhale, pulling smoke through his nose while he brushed my bangs back with his black, chipped fingertips, "Everythin' is going to be just fine... relax..."
"Yeah, right, I'll be sure to take your advice Mr. Anxiety. You have some nerve to be talkin' about anxiousness. You're not the one who's gonna be doing any killing-"
"And neither are you. Cher, my darling girl. I love you, I don't doubt your capabilities in the slightest. I'm actually quite terrified of you most of the time." He smiled, "But let Niko take care of it. Let him be in control. Don't traumatize yourself if you don't have to. It's scary and he's a — well, he's not a professional, but it wouldn't be his first time seeing that shit, y'know?"
"I'm not just gonna sit by and do nothing. I'm gonna help, it's my family who has roped you all into this crazy mess..." I sighed, closing my eyes momentarily as my stomach twisted once again, "I wish we didn't have to kill anyone."
"Personally, I want to kill him. Motherfucker can't find the clit, I think that warrants the death penalty."
"I actually hate you." Laughter bubbled up from my stomach.
"Why? I can find the clit with my eyes closed, upside down, in a plane. Your pussy is home, I know that shit by heart-"
"God, enough." I leaned my head back and groaned.
"The motto for your pussy should be finger lickin' good-"
"You know what? I'm gonna get that tatted on me." I laughed, smacking him on the chest, "Right on my pussy, it's gonna say 'finger lickin' good' and every time you go to eat me out, you're gonna regret ever sayin' that."
"Oh, it's on." He laughed breathlessly.
My smile slipped away slightly and I looked over at our friends all laughing and squealing on the deck.
"I miss life, Harlow. I miss the happy. For a while there, we were goin' strong. And it felt really good."
"I know, baby..." He whispered.
I looked back at him as he slid his hand down my arm and took it tight.
Tilting his head, his eyes drooped solemnly, "Come inside to bed with me. Yeah?"
I nodded and pulled up my slipping cardigan.
We slunk across the beach together and walked up the steps of the deck, receiving whistling noises and thrown Hershey's chocolate bars from our friends.
It felt nice that they were trying to bring light to the situation, Koi and Kris especially. But, it didn't help as much as I wished it did.
Harlow and I crept up the creaky stairs to our room and closed the door once we were inside. It was getting late. Nearly nine o'clock.
We both knew we wouldn't be able to sleep.
So, we settled into bed together wordlessly like old times, cuddling closely. I laid at his side with my head on his chest, and my leg wound tightly around his thigh. His right hand draped down my back and rubbed it gently, while he held my other, brushing his thumb against the back of my hand.
The air in the room felt so stale. It was so dark and cool. It didn't help my tensed up nerves in the slightest. And I imagined them to be like stiff icicles on the rotting roof of my brain.
"Cher?" Harlow's nose nudged against my forehead and I shifted my head up, replying in a whisper, "Yeah?"
"I know it's horrible timing, but I've been thinking about what you said in London. About us. About the way we have sex. About um..." He swallowed and his cheeks flared up with pink. I could tell he could feel it, 'cause of the way he shut his eyes, "Fuck me, I don't know why I'm so nervous about it all of the sudden. It's nothin crazy."
"About us taking things slow?" I quirked a brow.
He opened his eyes and darted them back and forth between mine, "Yeah. And I wanna say that I'm sorry? Really sorry. I shouldn't have dismissed what you wanted when it wasn't even anything bad. I just wasn't used to the idea and all. You're the first person I'd ever be doing anything like that with. I think that's why I was so horrible about it. Intimacy and feelings, and that, I never felt them so like... intensely, until I met you. So, it feels a bit scary to me."
"I forgive you." I didn't hesitate, "And I understand. I just wish you would've told me that. You're such a big mouth except when it comes to your feelings. I wish you'd be louder about them."
"I know, I'm tryin." He huffed out a soft laugh through his nose.
"Thanks for telling me though. Means a lot."
"Yeah." He nodded.
I shifted my head back down and continued tracing my finger over his knuckle.
"Cher?"
I craned my neck yet again to give him my full attention, but before I could get words out, he cut me off with a kiss and stole them. A soft, gentle, slow kiss. Like it was our first. It was shy and sweet. Apprehensive, but needy. And it rattled my brain because of all the ways Harlow had kissed me, he'd never kissed me like that.
I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, toying with the wavy strands to pull him closer.
He swiped his slick tongue against my top lop and let out a soft grunt before we parted, his teeth dragging my bottom out with him. He let it pop back into place gently, resting his forehead against mine.
I exhale. My head felt utterly fucked. "That was nice."
"Was that... good?" He muttered, an infliction of pleading in his voice. Pleading for a yes.
It hit me then that he was trying to be gentle. Try to be slow. And fuck, the notion made my heart wanna crack open.
"It was perfect."
"Good." He nodded once and looked down at my lips again longingly, "When this is all over, we'll try. We'll give it a proper try. I'll work on it and..." His eyes come back to me, "Baby, I'll try, I promise. You do know I only want to make you happy. Right?"
"Hey..." I frowned, scratching my nails against his scalp, "I know that. Of course I know that. Why are you-"
"Because if things go sour tomorrow I want you to know that I love you and that no matter what, I'd... I'd kill for you, and I'd die for you, and I'd try for you." His brows knit deeply and his eyes get soft and big, "I want us to be happy and I don't ever want to have to say goodbye to us. That's all..."
I opened my mouth to say he wouldn't. That everything would be fine. But, I didn't know that. And making false promises didn't feel right.
I settled on, "I love you too." With an agreeable nod.
He seemed grateful for it.
We both cozied back up together and made our best effort to relax.
For about an hour we laid like this.
The sadness bubble around us shrank some and we enjoyed the time together, mumbling about a little about things that popped into our heads. It was a proper cuddle whore night.
I was hoping he'd fall asleep, and I could tell by the way he was playing with my hair that he wanted me to do the same. We were always looking out for each other. Wanting the best for the other and never ourselves, and terrifyingly conscious about the fact.
But, neither of us managed to sleep and we knew that we wouldn't be able to like this. Not until the sandman snatched us up when we were too exhausted to even blink or breathe. Which would've been hours from now.
So we switched up the tone with a movie and heightened our spirits a bit.
We watched Corpse Bride.
Harlow had a good laugh when Emily and Victor came onto the screen, and he said we looked like them.
Our positions changed variously throughout the movie, and we were very comfortable but still on edge and far from sleepy.
Halfway through the movie we got bored and had a pillow fight which resulted in him hitting me so hard in the boob, I cried.
"Cherry, for god sake, put your... tetas away! Maybe then I wouldn't hit em!" He cooed as he massaged my aching breast.
"Ouch..."
Then, we played tag around the room which was short lived cause we just kept catching each other.
We went back outside to the beach with our friends after that and ate up the last of the s'mores with everyone. Turned out, they were lost without our guidance and fighting with each other about what baby names were ugly and which ones weren't.
"Oh Cherry thank god you're here, can you tell Niko how ridiculous the name Jasper is?"
"It's adorable. Jasper Clifford sounds like the most badass baby ever!" Niko threw his arms up.
"Uh, pretty fucking bold of you to assume the baby is going to be a boy, or have your last name." Naomi scoffed.
"Okay, then if it's a boy, Jasper Wilo. That's even cooler, c'mon Naomi... it's the best name for our little one," Niko begged. He had his head laid on her lap, while Zayn had his head on his.
Mikey and Kristen sat on a chair by themselves on the other side of the fire pit; making out.
We soon took the empty one next to them.
"No, I like Indigo. That's my top one, regardless of if the baby is a boy or girl. Or, if it is a girl, then... Mary." Naomi slyly said.
"Mary?" Harlow groaned as I sat on his lap and laughed.
"Yeah. Yeah, you know... Mary Jane..." Naomi murmured under her breath.
Niko dropped his jaw, "You are not naming our baby Mary Jane."
"It's not ugly! We could call her Janet or something old-lady-like for short. It'd be hilarious!" Naomi replied, looking down at him with a pleading face.
Mikey paused his making out with Kristen to say, "Name him Mikey. And if it's a girl, Michaela."
"Michaela is quite literally the ugliest name I've ever heard." Harlow chimed in with disgust.
"Agreed." Naomi and Niko said, "Sorry Mike."
"Ah whatever, I gave it my all." He brushed it off easily and continued to make out with Kristen.
"Wait, wait shh..." Niko put his finger up in the air and everyone stopped talking. He pressed his ear up to Naomi's stomach, "Oh my god, would you look at that, the little bugger is in there chanting, Jasper! Jasper! Jasper!"
Naomi covered Niko's mouth, "No."
"Indigo Jasper Wilo. That sounds pretty." I admitted, resting my head on Harlow's shoulder.
"Doesn't it? Okay, that's three votes for Indigo and what? One vote for Jasper?" Naomi asked, "I--"
"Two." Zayn chimed in.
"Three. I think Jasper is nice." Kristen chimed in.
"Four." Harlow raised his hand and Naomi dropped her jaw, "He's my best mate, I have to."
"I like Indigo," Mikey said.
"Four votes for Indigo and... four votes for Jasper. You guys are truly zero help." Naomi scoffed with a smile. But soon, she developed a disgusted face as he stared at the s'more in her hand, "You know, this... really looks fucking disgusting the longer I look at it. And the smell is... ew." She gave it to Koi and winced.
"Are you gonna get sick?" Koi asked, passing it to us to see if we wanted it.
I split it with Harlow and licked the chocolate off of his chin when he dripped some onto it.
"I don't know. I thought I was passed that point. God that is literally so gross... I never thought I'd hate the smell of sweets." She palmed her forehead and took deep breaths that soon turned shallow, "I m-miss when I liked the smell of chocolate so bad."
"Naoms, are you crying?" Harlow asked softly.
"No." She said with a voice crack, covering her face with both hands, "Y-Yes."
"Aww babes, it's okay." Koi held her head to her chest and comforted her, "Only, what, six months left?--"
"Don't say that!" Naomi cried softly.
"Let's go to sleep, c'mon. I'll get you all warm in bed, you need rest and relaxation. There's too much testosterone around here." Koi laughed despite her sympathetic tone.
"Bye-bye baby." Niko kissed her stomach as fast as possible and then picked his head up, helping her get up with one hand even though she didn't need it.
"Bye-bye baby." Zayn rubbed her belly when she walked past.
"Bye-bye baby." Harlow fist-bumped her belly very gently when she walked past.
"Bye-bye baby!" Mikey waved.
"God, I'm so impatient." Niko laid back down and spread out on the blanket with Zayn the second they were gone, "I can't wait to meet the baby... I just... I can't wait. It's gonna be so perfect."
"By the way things are lookin', that baby is gonna have loads of parents too."
"They do say it takes a village." Niko glared at Harlow upside down, "Plus my baby is gonna be the coolest baby so everyone's gonna want a turn hanging out with it. It's gonna have Naomi's eyes and my nose and her lips and my ears and her hair and both of our love for Jimi Hendrix." He sighed in content.
"Tell that to Clementine Rosalía Silver when she's kicking your kids' ass." Harlow flipped him the bird and then looked to me for confirmation in a whisper, "Did you hear me? I said it right!"
"Congratulations." I rolled my eyes.
"Oh whatever that baby isn't even formed. It's scrambled eggs!" Niko huffed.
Harlow gasped, "How dare you? Tinie is gonna be kicking your Jolly Green Giant lookin' ass straight from the cooch--"
"Okay! Enough talk about my vagina please and thank you." I covered his mouth and snorted.
Harlow pushed me off of his lap and got up, walking backward toward the house with his finger pointed at me, "Tu no estás a cargo de mí, perra."
"Excuse me? The fuck did you just say?!"
"Ah!" Harlow screamed and ran, "I was kidding, I was kidding..."
I got up and chased him back into the house, not quite matching his speed but coming close, "Cherry it was a joke, I swear!"
"Oh yeah, I'm sure it was. Did you ask my dad to teach you that?" I yelled as I ran after him up the stairs, gaining speed.
"Maybe - ah!"
Morris chased after us and helped me corner him on the bed and attack him with slobbery kisses.
He got his revenge by spanking me so hard I jumped up into Jesus's arms.
We both rolled around laughing on the floor for what felt like forever.
Then, we ran on our sugar rush and made more desserts. Brownies this time. Which were delicious. Anything to pass the time was worth it.
"These brownies taste better than pussy, my god. That's saying a lot."
"Excuse you, nothing tastes better than my pussy."
We had a air guitar contest to Mississippi Queen by Mountain.
"Cherry, that's not how you play guitar. You don't finger the fucking strings."
"I'm making sweet love to this air guitar, suck my dick!"
I tried to teach him how to play slide and accidentally hit him in the face.
"One, two, three — oh! I'm so sorry!"
"Augh, god are you the fucking hulk?"
That was all in the span of an hour an a half.
"What now?" Harlow asked as we laid side by side staring at the ceiling, pretty much avoiding sleep at all fucking costs.
"I'm not sure..." I muttered, sighing in reply. I rubbed my nose, "We could make a really big bubble bath in the tub? Or have a fashion show? I love doing that."
"Mmm... nah." Harlow replied, "Should we just try to sleep now? I mean, I'm more tired than before."
"I'm not sleepy..." I pulled my body up onto my elbows and looked down at Morris in his dog bed in the corner. He was curled up, fast asleep so I couldn't ask him what to do. Not that he'd answer me anyways. I huffed and got up, "Okay, o-okay, sleep it is."
We wouldn't even be questioning what to do with ourselves if we were home or if we weren't about to commit like a gazillion crimes tomorrow.
"Let's call Ollie too. His first day of school is tomorrow, remember?" Harlow said as I crawled into bed.
I nodded in agreement and we laid down in bed together, his arm wrapped around my shoulder. I swung my leg over his hip and as the call dialed on speaker, he traced little patterns on my shoulder.
The line clicked and my uncle Matt answered, "Hello?"
"Hey Matt, it's Cherry and Harlow. How's it going?"
"Oh, hey guys. It's goin' good. Is everything okay? Harlow told me you had an emergency and couldn't find you for a while."
"Everything's okay. We're fine. I'll explain more um... later. Can we talk to Oliver? Say good night and wish him luck on his first day tomorrow? Or is he already asleep?"
"Are you kidding? I couldn't get this kid to sleep if I fuckin' knocked him out. He's supposed to be asleep but he's awake. Just one second."
The line shuffled and I heard Matt tell Oliver we were on the phone.
"Cherry? Are you there?"
"Hey, I'm right here, babe. Harlow's here too. We're just calling to say goodnight and good luck on your first day tomorrow. How are you feeling?"
"I don't wanna go. I wanna come home. Can I come home?"
Harlow frowned, "Olive... Matt's house is the best place for you to stay right now. And school? It's gonna be so much fun, I promise. You're gonna make all kinds of new friends at recess and you get to tell them all about your trip to London and how you got to be a rockstar. You've got the pictures to prove it, right?"
"I don't wanna be a rockstar anymore." He was pouting, obviously upset.
"You don't?" I asked.
"No."
"Oh. Hm. Well, then..." Harlow sighed dramatically, "You know, that drumset I'm ordering you for your birthday, the super shiny, red, humongous drum set with your very own drumsticks engraved just like mine... will just have to go to some other kid! Butttttt I'm sure I'll find someone who wants it much more-"
"Drum set for my birthday? Really?!"
"Yeah... it was gonna be such a big surprise. But you know, since you're not gonna be a rockstar anymore-" Harlow was smiling already.
"I-I wanna be a rockstar, heck yeah, I do! Mhm!"
"Really? Then good! I don't have to return anything." Harlow said with a laugh, "You're a rockstar, dearie and if you start now you could be amazing one day."
"I'm gonna be a drummer just like you."
I frowned in awe and Harlow slapped a hand over his eyes when they watered immediately, "Y-yep. Just like me, Ol. Why don't you talk to your sister? I've got something in my eye." His voice cracked.
I rolled my eyes at Harlow but held his hand as I spoke, "So... are you ready? You've got your outfit picked out and everything?"
"I'm gonna wear the red jacket Harlow got me and some black pants. Uncle Niko bought me new shoes too, boots!"
"Nice..." I laughed, "Coolest kid in school, no doubt. Hey, do you wanna come over on Friday? Come hang out for a while?"
I'd planned to get tickets for a concert, his very first.
That way, I could talk to him about what was gonna happened with his living situation and apologize for making promises I couldn't keep.
"Yeah! Can we have a party?"
"We're gonna go do something else instead but you bet we'll have another party soon enough," I didn't hate the idea of having a house party to celebrate our hopeful victory tomorrow, "Listen you've gotta go to sleep okay? It's late already."
"But I can't... I'm not tired."
"Well, can you try to lay down? Just try, okay? You need a good nights sleep. All of the best drummers get a good nights sleep, right Harlow?" I nudged him.
"Oh yeah. All rockstars have bedtimes. I'm gonna go to bed soon too." Harlow said, wiping his eyes.
"Okay..." Oliver agreed with a sigh.
"We love you, Ollie. Saturn and back." Harlow kissed my forehead.
"Love you too."
We bid our goodbyes to Matthew when Oliver gave the phone back and then we hung up.
"Fuck, I love that kid." Harlow sighed, placing his phone onto the bedside table, "I hope he makes friends."
"He will."
"Yeah..." Harlow mumbled, staring up at the ceiling with me once more, "You're not tired at all are you?"
"Nope!" I exclaimed and got up from the bed to pace around the room and tire myself out, "I cannot sleep for the life of me! Like my body is just running, and running, and running, and running on adrenaline. I could freakin' kick a bull right now and live to see the day if I put my mind to it!-"
"Okay sit back down. And don't say freakin', you fucking freak. Never thought I'd cringe again after nearly a goddamn year with your cute ass. Sit." Harlow patted the bed.
"Fine." I huffed and sat back on my ankles at the edge of the bed, "Okay, so, what else can we do to get tired?"
"You could do some jumping jacks?"
"Cardio? I'd rather kill myself."
"Okay, then how about we..." He looked to his left, then to his right, "Hmmm, I don't know, have sex....?"
"I'm sold."
"Okay, but this time," He slid off of the bed and took off his shirt, "You're in control."
"Awe, does someone miss his mommy?-"
"Don't you dare start!"
"Ha! You do!"
***