{Reminder}
The Group's decision is:
Head to Cancer's place
November 27th, 2009
8:35 AM
~Cancer~
I felt nervous, walking down the familiar road that led to my neighborhood, once filled with cheery voices and a bustling atmosphere, only now to be nothing but an empty husk, not a familiar face in sight.
I was leading at the front, hesitating with my steps and occasionally thinking about turning back and abandoning this idea. If I had to be honest, I was much less concerned about safety at this very moment—at least the safety of us—and was concerned about the whereabouts of my mom.
God, it hasn't been too long since I've seen her, but the way this night had gone it might as well have been ages. I was dying to know if she was alright and if she had gotten home safely after I made her storm out. Maybe now she wouldn't be as mad..?
My face scrunched up, doubting my thoughts. I had spent the past few minutes thinking up ways to apologize, but it was hard to apologize when you were right the whole time. I mean, she wanted to keep all those sick students hidden, what was wrong with her?
Frustrated, I pushed forward and picked up my pace, trying to wipe the obviously annoyed look off my face before anyone noticed. I was never really good at masking my feelings unless it involved terribly corny humor—which was not needed right now—so I could only resort to hiding behind the thick coils of my hair.
As I continued to cycle through my thoughts, I felt tense as I felt someone grow close to me and I looked up, struggling to hide my troubled expression in the process.
"Snack?" Gem held a bag of chips and waved it in front of my face with a smile.
I eased up a little, shaking my head. "Nah. I'm not hungry."
Gem's smile faltered a little, his eyes briefly shifting to his left. "You haven't eaten yet. Did you even eat last night?" He asked with concern.
I hesitated to answer, honestly not knowing if I had eaten. It had been such a hectic night that I was too scared to even think about food.
"Ah, well Mini wanted a snack, but I told her you might want some and I really don't want to go back and face her so please just take it." Gem pouted, shaking the bag in my face once more.
"Why not just give it to her...?" I asked, looking over my shoulder only to stiffen at the sight of Mini staring directly at us. God, she could be so intimidating.
Gem pursed his lips. "Because she's greedy and already had a bag of Sour Patches. Just take it, you might want something later."
Still being so insistent, I suppose. Reluctantly, I gave in and accepted the bag of chips from him, clutching it to my chest and hoping it wouldn't pop as my grip on it got tighter upon rounding the street corner.
I recognized my street and my heart instantly jumped, beating twice as fast at the nearly deserted area. Abandoned vehicles were parked crookedly in the middle of the road like everyone had gone into a panic and fled without even considering what essentials they might need. The atmosphere was eerie and it felt odd to walk the streets without hearing a cheerful hello from a neighbor.
"You alright?" I looked up at Gem, noticing his concern. He was kind enough to whisper and not catch the others' attention, which was honestly a blessing for me.
"Of course." I lied straight through my teeth and debated on smiling to seal the deal, but quickly discarded the idea at the thought of smiling at this.
No one could smile at this. I'm pretty sure no one has other than Mini, probably. To be scared shitless at the possibility of being attacked by zombies felt draining and all I could picture right now was the comfort of my own bed.
"Mmm, you really think it's safe at your place?" Gem appeared hesitant, looking around at the mess of a neighborhood while frowning.
"Yes. Of course, it is. Why wouldn't it be?" I hurriedly asked, rejecting his doubts in favor of forcing myself to believe it was all okay.
It was a simple and straightforward plan. Get to my house. Apologize to mom. Possibly cry but hopefully not. Safety. It was a perfectly established plan and no amount of words could shatter my confidence in said plan.
...That was a lie, but still.
Gem kissed his teeth, shrugging like he didn't have a specific reason to be wary. "I just...the zombie thing is freaking me out and I really don't wanna see any more right now."
"We won't. Trust me, it'll be safe." As I said that, I felt my stomach knot as I spotted my house in the distance and noticed that things didn't seem quite...right.
I didn't remember how it was when we left, but there certainly wasn't a car parked right in the grass with tire marks dragged through the dirt and all the way into the street. And the craziest part was that it was my...mom's car...?
"What the...?" I muttered under my breath, my pace quickening as I forcibly swallowed the fear swelling my throat.
Excuses were bouncing in my head, trying to logically reason out what had happened. My mom came home...then what? Why was the driveway a mess and why had the car been steered into the grass? Most of it was beginning to make less and less sense and I could already feel my perfectly established plan being tossed out the window.
My pace quickened to the point where I was lightly jogging, approaching my house. My head felt like it was being hammered and I clutched the side of my temple to ease the throbbing pain, approaching the driveway and looking around.
"Cance!" I could hear one of the others calling my name since I sort of left them behind, though paid no mind and frowned at my house.
The lights were off, just as I left it. The doors were closed, just as I left them. Everything was relatively the same other than the car, and yet my mom was nowhere to be found.
"Where is—" I stop. Moments before, my eyes were frantically searching until they fixated on the car again, specifically focused on the driver's side.
Then I saw it. To even call it an 'it' felt like a stab in my gut, watching in horror as a zombie dressed exactly like my mother staggered around the car, groaning with their chest while aimlessly clawing at the air. Its skin was still brown but was slowly draining of its color and leaning towards a shade of gray, while its eyes were hollow and unfocused, all of the life sucked right out of it.
I staggered back, completely stunned as my brain struggled to process what was happening. I felt my breath hitch, taking shallow breaths and blissfully ignoring the colorful dots dancing around my vision. My mind was forbidding my body to move, trapped in place like a statue as I couldn't help but stare.
This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. That wasn't my mom. That wasn't my mom. That was NOT my mom.
Even with my thoughts trying to contradict what I was seeing right in front of me, I knew. I knew and yet I still couldn't...
"MO—mmph!!" The minute I tried to shout, to call to her and see if she'd miraculously snap out of it, I was suddenly daunted as a hand slapped over my mouth and kept me from making a sound.
I panicked, fighting against their hold on me and repeatedly trying to remove their hand from my mouth, feeling myself getting dragged away in the process. In the midst of flailing about, the bag of chips I was squeezing against my chest suddenly popped, the sound of it bursting echoing across the yard.
Feeling like the wind got knocked out of me, I took quick, shallow breaths as I saw my mom turn in my direction, where I could clearly see her face. I saw her but I didn't see her. There was nothing behind that unfocused, glassy stare of hers as she seemed to peer right through me, continuing to stagger about while her head lolled to the side like she couldn't keep it upright.
The hand covering my mouth muffled my soft cries, desperately wanting to run to her. Call it a child's instinct but I wanted to be in her arms; comforting her and telling her sorry even though it served no purpose now. I felt my vision blur and I momentarily panicked over not being able to see her, stuck with a blurry figure as I was dragged to the side of my house.
Aries had been the one pulling me along, keeping quiet as he followed the rest of the group to the side of my house, where the side entrance was. I couldn't muster up the strength to move and just let him drag me, my heart dropping to the bottom of my gut as my mom left my sight.
She was...gone. Just like that. No amount of excuses could convince me that she wasn't.
"The door's unlocked. Come on." Aquarius stepped inside the house, cautious as she surveyed the inside.
She gave a signal for everyone else to follow and we did just that, quickly piling into my home and shutting the door quickly as if we were breaking and entering. The lights were off, but the sunlight peeking in from outside was enough for us to see what was around us.
I rip away from Aries's hold, startling him but not caring enough to apologize. My mind was still in a state of panic, staggering to the nearest counter as I began to hyperventilate. I could feel myself trembling but fought to suck back in my tears, my cheeks flushed and burning as the room became almost suffocating to stand in.
"Cancer..? Are you okay?"
Despite the ringing in my ears, that question was still able to reach me. I wanted to lash out, to scream and ask what kind of shitty question that was, and yet only a few gasps and a mix of sobs were the only things that left my mouth. I was speechless, reduced to a hyperventilating mess as what I witnessed replayed in my mind in a fast blur, overwhelming me in an instant.
"Cance..." I heard Gem's voice and felt even sicker that that was his way of comforting me.
I heard soft murmurs coming from the others yet I couldn't make out what they were saying, too distracted by the ringing in my ears. I felt someone approaching and I instantly shot up and staggered in the opposite direction, refusing to be close to anyone.
I felt gross. I felt sick. I didn't want to be touched or comforted or sweet-talked or whatever the fuck else people love receiving. I didn't want it.
Instead, I wanted to hide. Without hesitation, I fled out of the kitchen with my hand clinging to the wall to keep my balance, making a beeline straight for the nearest bathroom. I heard my name being called repeatedly, all blending together and soon sounding like mush.
I stumble into the bathroom and immediately slam the door shut, not bothering to lock it and sliding to the floor until I could feel the cold, tiled wall against my back.
"What—what did I...?" My voice trembled as I whispered to myself, soon holding my trembling hands to my chest as I sat there in complete defeat.
The lost and lifeless expression of my mom briefly entered my head and I instantly felt nauseous, hugging my knees to my stomach to settle the discomfort. A heavy weight of exhaustion had mounted onto my shoulders and I felt terribly dizzy, my body teetering to the side after feeling like all the energy had gotten sucked out of me.
...And it had. The things I promised myself I would say and do once I saw her again, all being tossed away like it didn't even matter. Stuck wondering if she would've forgiven me, if she would've hugged me and told me it was okay. Maybe even kissed me on the forehead and told me I was her little girl.
And I would've told her that I was happy to be her daughter. I was happy, I was always happy with her.
But where does that happiness go, now that she's gone because of me?
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