I woke to the soft voice of Leah, turning around to see her sitting at the edge of my bed.
"Le? What time is it?"
"4am. Can I get in?"
"You don't have to ask."
Leah got into bed beside me, her voice lined with telltale signs that she had been crying since I left her downstairs. She turned onto her side, placing her head on the edge of her pillow closest to mine. She gently stroked her fingers across my face, almost as if she were trying to lock my memory into her brain.
"I wish you knew how much I love you." Leah spoke softly.
"I do, and I love you too."
"Do you know how many times I've had to force myself to train? How many times have I faked a smile on the way to a match when all I have wanted to do is give up?"
"Why?"
"It's the best job in the world, but it keeps me from starting a proper life with you. I know if I tried to quit, I know you would leave me before you let me go through with it."
"Only because I would never let you give up your dream for me."
"I won't let you give yours up for me either. You love it here, Soph. You love your family, and you love being close to them. If I wasn't a part of this decision, you wouldn't even have to think twice about it."
"What're you saying here, Leah?" I felt my heart sink to my feet.
"I'm saying that maybe in the future, when my life doesn't have to be in London, maybe then this will work. Maybe we'll find each other again; maybe I can move here." Leah spoke through her tears.
"Yeah, maybe. Can we stay like this for a while, though?" I asked, cuddling into the girl I thought I'd spend forever with.
"Please." Leah agreed.
We fell asleep after a lot of tears, both wanting this moment to last forever. Leah was right; I would never allow her to give up football for me. I knew that if it was meant to be, life would make it happen, but I also knew that the chances of us both never moving on until Leah was old enough to retire from football were slim.
The following morning, I drove Leah to the airport. As we said goodbye, she gave me the most love-filled kiss I have ever received, wrapping me once more in her arms.
"You've been my favourite part of life, Soph." Leah whispered.
"You've been mine too, Le." I whispered back.
Watching Leah walk away from me, knowing that I had chosen safety over adventure, was the hardest moment of my life. I knew I needed to be around my family, so I drove to my dad's.
Olivia greeted me at the front door, her little face lighting up when she saw me. She jumped into my arms, her little hands draping over my shoulders.
"Daddy said you are going on an adventure with Leah." She smiled.
"He did?" I asked, confused.
"Yeah, I did. I'm just an overprotective big brother that didn't know how to say I would miss you." Rhys appeared from the living room.
"She's gone." I mouthed back to him, his eyes giving me the sympathy that he couldn't vocalise in front of Olivia.
Dad took Olivia to the shop, probably to give Rhys and me an opportunity to talk. He hated when we argued, even though we hadn't argued in a long time. The last time we fell out was over Rhys' ex. He kept letting her away with things so as not to drag Olivia through court; we argued often about it because I wanted him to have legal rights over the little girl he loved so much.
"Did you leave, or did she?" Rhys asked.
"She said the words because of my actions." I sighed.
"Want to talk about it?"
"I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave you all. If I were to go and you weren't okay, well, I'd never forgive myself."
"That's not your responsibility, though, Sophie. I know what I said. I didn't want you to get hurt, but Leah isn't like Hannah."
"She said she would give up football if she thought I would let her. To be with me."
"I know." Rhys said, making me pull a confused face.
"What do you mean, you know?" I asked.
"Don't kick off; I texted her." He looked at his feet.
"You what? What the fuck did you say?" I raised my voice.
"I was just looking out for you." He said, holding his hands up with a look of regret in his eyes.
"Phone. Now." I demanded.
Rhys pulled his phone out of his pocket, walking towards me while unlocking it. He pulled up the message thread with Leah. I snatched it from his hand, my heart beating at a rate I didn't even think was possible. As I scrolled to the top, I saw the happy birthday message that she had sent him, making me more angry than I already was. Leah had always been so nice to him.
Leah
Happy Birthday, Rhys! I hope you have a great day🥳 I can't wait to see you all again. Tell Olivia I said hello x
Rhys
Thanks Leah. Thanks for the present too, it was far too much!
Leah
I've got to make sure I look after Sophie's favourite family member🥳
Rhys
Thank you for making my sister so happy. If you ever tell her I said that, I'll kill you.
Leah
Wouldn't dream of it. Thank you for letting me be her person x
These messages alone should've been enough to show Rhys that Leah wasn't a bad person. She was a person with a job that was impossible to do from anywhere else but England. I could hear his footsteps pacing the room as I continued to scroll through the most recent messages.
Rhys
Don't let her do this.
Leah
I can't make her mind up for her. She will choose whatever she feels is right.
Rhys
No, she won't. She will choose to go be with you because she won't want to be the person who breaks your heart. Sophie doesn't think of herself in any situation; she always thinks of the person she's with. You have to make her stay; she would never leave her family, not if she felt she had a choice.
Leah
How am I supposed to do that?
Rhys
I don't know, but you have to find a way. She will only resent you in the future for the move.
Leah
I can't end it, I love her. If you really think that she will only move for me, then I will speak to her. I'll tell her to stay put, and I'll do something with my degree. I don't have to be a football player my whole life.
Rhys
She will never let you do that.
Leah
So I have to choose between letting her move to a country she doesn't want to be in or breaking her heart.
Rhys
I'm sorry. I have to protect her. She's my sister.
Leah
I know. I'm not angry at you. I just never want to be without her. I'm actually on my way to surprise her now, I'll tell her when she gets home. Any idea where she is?
Rhys
She left here about 10 minutes ago. Please don't tell her I texted you.
Leah
It's done. Promise me you will look after her? She won't say she's struggling, but she will be. Please don't ever let her say I didn't love her.
The realisation that Leah had done this for me, not herself, was too much for me to handle. I couldn't believe I had just let her go. I tried to call her, but there was no answer. I noticed she had blocked me on social media, something she had said she would have to do to get over me.
"What the fuck have you done, Rhys?" I shouted at my brother.
"I was just looking out for you." He pleaded for my forgiveness.
"I don't need you to look out for me! I'm a grown up; I'm not that little kid that gets bullied anymore, Rhys."
"You're still my little sister. I didn't want her to hurt you like I got hurt."
"Deal with your own trauma, Rhys. Stop trying to prevent my happiness because of your own hang-ups about being treated like shit!" I shouted as I stormed out to go home.
After an excessive number of attempts to call Leah, her phone was switched off. I knew she wasn't doing this to hurt me; she was doing it so that I wouldn't try to change her mind. She was doing this for me. That was the part that hurt the most.
I returned home, throwing myself onto my bed and smelling Leah on my pillow. I think I cried myself to sleep in the end, knowing that tomorrow I would be telling Liam that my decision was to stay in Ireland for all of the wrong reasons. A decision that had been taken out of my hands by two people who loved me unconditionally.
I guess Christmas miracles don't last forever.