The next 3 days passed slowly, and Friday felt like it was never going to arrive. As I exited the plane and hurried through arrivals to find Leah, my stomach was filled with butterflies, and the corners of my lips became impossible to control as they tilted upward. I scanned the waiting faces, eventually seeing the one I was searching for. Leah smiled at me, her eyes softening, and she held her arms out to me. Apprehensive, I walked towards her.
"People!" I mouthed, referencing that someone could spot us.
"Fuck them. Come here." Leah mouthed back.
Still worried, I gently walked towards her and buried my head into her chest, wrapping my arms around her and whispering that I missed her. I felt her grip me tightly before loosening and placing two fingers underneath my chin. She tilted my head back slightly and leaned towards me, placing a soft but loving kiss on my lips in front of a room full of people.
"I missed you too, my Soph." She smiled at me.
She found my hand and walked me to her car. My face showed the happiness that my voice box couldn't communicate. As we got to her car, she winced as she got in, making my heart hurt to see her in pain. I kissed her cheek gently and watched as her face began to smile.
"I could've gotten the train to you, you know." I sighed.
"I couldn't wait any longer to see you. The pain is worth it."
"You're being very cute. Is there something you have to tell me?" I giggled.
"Yes, actually, but not here; let's go home."
Hearing Leah say 'home' in reference to a place we were going to together made me feel something—something that made my heart feel like it had grown wings as it fluttered in my chest. I wondered if she felt it too; was that why she had said it? I reached over to take her hand as she joined the motorway, rubbing my thumb against hers as she spoke.
As we entered her apartment, I could smell Leah everywhere. It was comforting, but not as comforting as being wrapped up in her arms. She began to fuss, wanting to take my bag to her room for me and limping lightly as she went to fetch me a drink.
"Le, stop." I said softly.
"I like looking after you." She said, cocking her head to the side.
"It's my turn, to look after you." I gently removed my bag from her grip and smiled at her, taking the bag to her room.
As I set the bag down, I felt Leah behind me, her arms wrapping around my waist and her head resting on my shoulder. I felt my body sink into hers, and she used this as an opportunity to move me towards her bed.
"Are you tired?" I whispered to her.
"No, I just missed this. I want to talk to you too. Can we get into bed and talk?" She smiled at me.
"Of course we can."
"Can you get the light?"
I flicked the light switch, plunging the room into darkness. I began to feel my way towards the bed until I felt Leah's hand being held out to me, interlocking our fingers and guiding me to her side.
"What's with the light?" I asked as I lay beside her.
"It makes me feel more able to talk. Is that okay?"
"Whatever makes you comfortable." I replied softly, placing my head on the pillow.
Leah's hand found the side of my waist, pulling me gently onto my side as she shifted in the same way. Through the darkness, I could just about make out her silhouette, my hands moving slowly to her hair in an effort to not accidentally hit her nose or something stupid.
"You mean so much to me, Soph. You know that, don't you?" Leah sighed, her arm falling around my back as she traced circles over my top.
"Of course."
"I have thought a lot about what I'm about to say. I want you to know that. I have thought of a million reasons not to say it, but I know it's the right thing." Leah sighed as she moved her hand from my back to my hair.
This was it, I knew it. My heart stopped fluttering, and instead it ached. Leah was about to break up with me. I couldn't understand why she didn't just do it over the phone or why she had kissed me in the airport. Was it so I would know how much I meant before she told me the distance was too much? I didn't speak; I just waited. Knowing that if I tried to speak, the tears I was swallowing back would make their way to the surface of my eyes.
"I'm sorry for all of it. I'm sorry for making you feel like you didn't matter and for making you doubt your place in my life. When I don't have training, matches, or something to focus on, I become really reserved. I pull back, as I always have. Pulling back helped me see more clearly. It helped me to know why I had doubts about us.
You are an incredible person. I remember watching you at Christmas, singing and dancing with Liv. I remember thinking that you were probably the most caring person I had ever met. I remember thinking that if I were ever to get the chance to have someone like you, I would never let them go."
Leah's voice began to break, cementing what I already knew. I still didn't speak, but small tears were now dripping from my eyes, falling sideways across my cheeks.
"I don't know why life does this. I don't know why I had to find someone like you and be separated by the sea. My life is in London, and yours is in Ireland. I have worked so hard to be a part of Arsenal, and you have worked so hard to be the amazing solicitor that you are. I even researched to see if there were teams I could join in Ireland, but full-time football isn't a thing there."
I shook my head. She was right. There were no full-time women's teams anywhere near me.
"I have tormented myself, especially the last few days. I'm thinking of reasons to believe that this might work. I couldn't come up with very many."
I didn't want to interrupt Leah, but this drawn-out breakup speech was only hurting me more. I briefly thought of Hannah and how grateful I was that she left with a simple note. It was the first time I had ever agreed with her decision to do so.
"I don't know how it can possibly work, Soph. I don't know how we can ever do the things that I have dreamed of doing with you, even if it's too early to imagine them. I have been, and I'm not afraid to admit that. I have dreamt of moving in with you, marrying you, and watching you sing and dance with our children. I try not to let myself do it; I try to stop it, but when I close my eyes at night, it's all I can picture. That's how I knew."
"Knew what?" I said, trying to control my breathing so she couldn't tell I was crying.
Leah's hand was shaking gently as she stroked my hair. I could feel the light vibrations that she was desperately trying to hide. I felt her inhale deeply before she spoke.
"That I love you. I love you. God, I have waited so long to say that. I love you, Sophie."
My mind was stunned. I thought that Leah was about to break up with me, that she was about to break my heart, but instead she brought those flutters back to it; it had grown those wings all over again. I felt a rush of heat over my body, and my brain repeated that last part over and over again in my head. I couldn't speak; I simply used my hand to find her cheek and pulled her gently towards me, finding her lips with my own and kissing her with more love than I ever had before. Her cheeks became wet from my earlier tears, making her pull away slightly while resting her forehead against mine.
"Have you been crying?" Leah whispered, concern clear in her voice.
"Yeah, I thought you were breaking up with me." I sighed.
"Why didn't you say anything? I would've just spat it out." She giggled gently, using her thumbs to wipe my tears.
"The longer drawn-out it was, the longer I got to still be yours." I smiled, even though she couldn't see my face.
"I hope you always will be. I hope I'll always be yours too." Leah said as she connected our lips again, pulling me in closer to her as our mouths danced together.
As we pulled away for breath, I placed my hand behind Leah's head once more and pecked her lips. With our lips still touching, I became aware that, despite my knowing that I felt the same, Leah was still clueless.
"I love you." I whispered quietly, feeling our lips brush together as I spoke.
"You do?" She whispered back.
"I do. I love you, Le. I love you."
I felt Leah's smile grow, her arms wrapping tightly around my back, and after one more peck, I moved my head to her chest, listening to her heartbeat and feeling my own align with it.
In this moment, nothing could have interrupted my happiness. I knew Leah was right; to be together, we had a lot of obstacles to overcome. The distance was the biggest one, and it was something we would have to have some hard conversations about. But hearing Leah say she loved me made all of those obstacles seem like less of a mountain and more of an adventure.