C H A R L O T T E
written by animationchic/aOK706
round eight ||
March 7th
2:15 pm
"Hey, Charlotte? Do you have a minute?" I spin on my heel, looking for the source of the voice. I'm surprised to find Xander standing there, looking a little nervous.
"Xander, hey, what's up?" I smile up at the young man. He's not much taller than me, but he's still tall. Or I'm just short. It's probably that I'm just short.
"Um, I actually have something for you," his words are hesitant and quiet but I still hear them.
"For me?" I ask him, surprised, excited, and a little nervous all at once.
"Yeah, I uh," he mumbles and ducks his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "I wanted to have it done for your party, but I wasn't able to finish it in time."
"So it's homemade?" I ask, taking a step closer to him.
He smiles, finally and it lights up his face. "Yeah, it's homemade."
"Well, now I'm even more excited," I tell him and his smile widens. He glances around us, checking for the coast to be clear and takes my hand.
"Well," he says, pulling me down the hall. "Come on then."
Xander leads me all the way back to his room. I hesitate for just a moment outside of his room, a little weirded out. I haven't been to any of the guy's rooms. Well, besides Bard. But Xander seems too excited and completely harmless. So I take a deep breath and follow him inside.
Then I stop dead.
In front of me stands the most beautiful gown I have ever seen. It's regal and fitted and just so... queenly. It's a deep red, a color I rarely dare to wear because it makes a statement, but this dress was designed to make a statement. The top is structured like a blazer with militaristic buttons running down the front. A tapered waist is belted and I just know it's going to make my waist look stunning. And then the skirt. Ugh, it billows out and commands attention but is still so completely feminine looking.
"Xander, it's perfect," I whisper, scared to touch it.
His face lights up as he takes a step towards it. "And look, the top comes off." I marvel as he removes the blazer-like top from the dress form. Underneath it is a simple black corset top. Xander looks at me for my reaction and he must like it because he keeps going, "Oh yeah, and I made the skirt completely detachable."
He unhooks something from the back and suddenly the skirt falls away, revealing a pair of red trouser pants.
"Xander," I say, tilting my head in disbelief. "Did you— Did you build me an entire suit?"
"Yeah!" He moves excitedly now, like a little kid showing off his work. "I figured this way, you can mix and match the pieces. You can use just the top and the skirt or the blazer and the pants or the blazer, top and skirt. It all works together and separately. It was my first time making something on this level, but it was really fun!"
"I'm glad." I smile as I step forward and run my fingers along the hem of the corset stop.
Xander holds out the blazer. "Want to try it on?"
"Do I?" I say excited and step forward. Xander helps me put the blazer on and it's heavier than I thought it would be. I run my fingers over the double breasted buttons and giggle in excitement. Xander pulls my loose hair out of the collar and tickles the back of my neck. I giggle as goose bumps erupt over the back of my neck.
"It suits you," Xander says as he circles around in front of me.
"Is that a pun?" I tease him and his cheeks pink. It's cute.
"Maybe," he says softly. "But I'm not wrong. It suits you. I'd like to see the other pieces on, make sure they fit, if you have time?"
He's shy now, realizing what he's asking. Now it's my turn to blush.
"Um, yeah, let's do it," I say and his cheeks flare even redder. I cough lightly at my choice of words.
Xander just shakes his head and leads me to his walk-in closet. "Here, you can change in here."
"Thanks," I murmur as he carries the trousers and corset inside after me.
"Of course," he says and nods. When he looks at me, he blushes. "If- uh- if you need help, just let me know."
"I will," I assure him and wait for him to exit the walk in. Once he's outside, I begin to undress and I cannot believe how awkward it is. My every move seems ten times louder. But I make it through and honestly, Xander has thought of everything. Instead of the corset having a tie up back, as is tradition, the side zips, making it so much easier to get on than I was expecting.
I exit the closet and look at Xander, holding my arms up. "Well, what do you think?"
I'm expecting Xander to look at me like someone I'm dating. Like he's surprised to see me there, or something, I don't know. But Xander is in full work mode. He turns, instantly zeroing in the slight imperfections in the pants. They're just a touch too big.
"Do you mind?" Xander asks, kneeling down in front of me. I just nod and he hums as he pulls his pins from his pocket and starts marking where the trousers need taken in.
"So this is really the first time you've made something like this?" I ask him, trying to make conversation.
"Yeah," Xander says, grinning up at me briefly before turning back to his pinning. "I mean, I never really considered formal wear. Not formal-formal wear anyway. I've done a few homecoming dresses here and there, but this is an entirely new level."
"That's amazing," I tell him honestly and a bit jealously. I've never been able to create anything like that.
"Now, I will admit, and gosh this makes me sound creepy," Xander mumbles into the hem of the trousers. "I asked to borrow an old gown, just so I could figure out how the skirt worked, but overall it was all me."
"I'm impressed," I tell him and he looks at me doubtfully. I laugh. "No, I mean it! I am! I've never sewn a thing in my life."
"Actually doing this has inspired an entire line of multi-functional formal wear," Xander confides.
"Yeah?" I ask him, a bit surprised and when he nods I grin. I look down at him and shift. "Can I see some of your other designs?"
"You want to?" He seems shocked and it melts my heart a little. I really should have been making more of an effort with him. He stands quickly and rushes to his desk. For the first time, I'm able to really take in his room. It's a bit messy, with papers and fabric strewn all over. I can't help but wonder if this is what it's like inside Xander's brain.
Xander hurries over to me holding his sketchbook. He shows me sketch after sketch of designs. Skirts and tops, another blazer and even another set of trousers. Some drawings are more about construction while others go more into detail.
"These are amazing," I tell Xander as he flips through them. He grins at me but says nothing else. He flips the page once more and my hand reaches up to stop him. "I'm sorry... is that a cape?"
His grin widens. "Yeah, I thought I would make it out of the same red as your skirt and put military embellishments on it. But I haven't ever made a cape before so the logistics are still a bit of a mystery to me."
"Well, when you figure it out, let me know," I tell him. He raises his brow and I grin at him, "I've always wanted a cape."
March 10th
12:05am
"Charlotte?" Bard knocks on my door again as I rush to open it. I had just been getting ready for bed, brushing my teeth in my bathroom when he first knocked.
I smile but the look on his face tells me this isn't a good conversation. Well, not a good conversation for me. Bard sinks into my sitting chair. He sighs and my heart sinks.
Nope, this conversation is not going to go well for me at all.
March 10th
8:45 am
I stand awkwardly in front of the lesson's room. Fourteen pairs of eyes are all glued to me and it makes me want to run away. Fourteen because last night Bard told me that he wanted out. Well, not really. He mumbled that he wanted our ruse to be over. He wanted to go back to his old position as a guard, he no longer wants to be undercover.
I'm not surprised. I'm the one who offered him the out. I was just selfishly hoping he wouldn't take it. But Bard's right. It's time. I glance around at the guys sitting in front of me and know that these guys are the good ones. At least, I think so.
"Morning, Charlotte," Ambrose smiles at me softly and stands from his chair. "Are you joining us this morning? Would you like a seat?"
"No, um, thank you," I smile weakly and Ambrose gives me a weird look. He knows something's up. Levi also looks up at me, curious. I give them both a small smile.
"Hey, Charlotte, where's Bard?" Linus asks, breaking the awkward silence. Or maybe the silence has only been awkward in my head. I don't know. It's hard to tell.
"Right," I say, clasping my hands in front of me. "That's what I'm here to talk to you guys about."
"About Bard?" Nico asks, leaning forward.
"Yeah." I wring my hands together as I shuffle.
"Charlotte, what's going on?" Ambrose asks me, his eyes full of concern.
"Okay," I say, sighing. I pull out a chair and swing it around to sit in the front. "So, when the Selection was announced, I was nervous. I was so nervous."
"I think we all were," Quentin jokes, smiling softly.
"Well, yeah," I huff a quiet laugh and look down in my lap. "But I was super nervous. I had 35 men coming into my home, to date me. I was scared. So... scared. And it might seem stupid, but it's a lot."
"It's not stupid," someone says but I'm unsure who. I'm still too busy staring at my hands.
"So anyways," I clear my throat, nerves making it harder and harder to speak. "So, I thought that it would be a good idea to have someone I could rely on. Inside the Selection." I pause but this time no one speaks. "Then I had the idea to ask a friend to help me. Someone who could kind of keep an eye on things and help me make decisions and get to know you guys better. So... I asked Bard."
"You asked Bard?" Noah asks, not quite understanding or not quite wanting to understand what I'm saying. "To do what exactly?"
"I asked him to be a Selected, the Angeles Selected to be exact," I tell them.
"To spy on us you mean," someone else says and I blush even harder.
"I mean, on a certain level," I sigh. I had worried they would see it like that. "I wanted someone who would be able to get to know you guys more. Who would be able to help me figure out who would be most compatible, most fitting."
"To spy on us," Noah leans back in his seat and I realize he's been the one talking most of the time.
"I guess, yeah," I shrug, losing my train of thought. "It was for my protection. I was worried about being alone with so many strangers, about having so many strangers in my home. I was scared. And I think rightly so. But now, I'm more comfortable, more confident. I feel like I know you guys and that I don't have as much to worry about."
"As much?" Ambrose asks, his brow raising.
"Well I mean, I still worry, but it's other things now," I admit. My cheeks feel like they're on fire. "And as you can imagine, hiding the truth took a toll on Bard. It's taken a toll on both of us as we got closer to all of you. It got harder to keep it a secret and harder to justify it at all. So last week, I approached him about ending our arrangement."
"Because now all of a sudden you trust us?" Noah asks and I can tell that he's visibly upset. I hate it. I hate that I made him feel that way.
"I always wanted to trust you, I just—"
"You don't need to explain, Charlotte," Quentin interrupts and I can not be more grateful for him. He turns to Noah. "Honestly, if I were in her place I would have done the same. Think about it, all those strangers coming in and demanding your attention and on top of all of that, there's more at stake than just your heart? It makes sense to have someone who we might open up to more be amongst us."
"Thank you," I whisper, giving Quentin a small smile.
"So you approached Bard about ending the arrangement where he was spying on us," Nico chimes in and I see him and Noah exchange a look.
"Yes," I admit and I sigh, looking down at my hands once more. "I went to him about ending it all. And he agreed with me last night that it was time to bring it to an end. He is going to spend this weekend resting and re-acclimating to his full normal job here in the palace."
"So, he's still going to be around?" Levi asks and I can't tell his emotions on this one. It makes me nervous not being able to tell what he thinks.
"Yes," I tell them. "Bard is actually a part of my personal guard normally. He's very good at his job. We are pretty good friends outside of this Selection."
"So was he ever actually in the running?" Ambrose asks me. Him I can read. He's curious, but doesn't seem mad. If anything, he seems pleased that there's now one less guy to have to compete against.
"No, not really." I shake my head. "There was-is only ever friendship between us."
"It was smart," Kais says from the back of the group. "A little hurtful, but smart."
"It really wasn't my intention to hurt anyone," I promise them and just hope that they get it.
"We know," Levi assures me with a nod.
"Yeah," Quentin adds with a shoulder shrug. "We'll get over it."
"Well, I just wanted to be honest with all of you," I tell them earnestly. "I also didn't want you all to be surprised when you see him around the palace."
"Well, thank you for being so honest," Ambrose says and I don't miss the absence of judgment from his tone.
"Thank you all for listening to me," I say to him more than anyone else. I see out of the corner of my eye, my uncle coming into the room. "Well, I'll leave you guys to your lessons. As always, I am available to talk more, whenever you guys might want to."
"Thanks again, Charlotte," Ambrose gives me a small smile as I leave and I do my best to return it. It's harder than I thought it would be.
||||||||||
"So he's just gone?" Wynnie asks me, her arm linked through mine as we make our way to lunch.
"Well, not entirely," I tell her. "Bard is taking a few days to himself, to relax. While we're gone for the weekend, he's going to go back to his regular job. And then he'll be back."
"But he'll be a guard now?' Wynnie asks, tilting her head.
"Yes, what he was before the Selection," I tell her and she hums more to herself than anything else.
"Well that's goo—"
"Charlotte?" We both startle as we turn and find Noah standing there. I take him in. He doesn't look angry or particularly friendly. But something tells me I'm not going to like what he has to say.
"Noah, hi, are you joining us for lunch?" I ask him, trying to be polite. Wynnie tries to pull away, but I hold tight to her arm.
"Maybe in a moment." He nods and glances at Wynnie before turning back to me. "I was hoping we could talk for a moment, in private?"
"Oh, yeah of course," I drop Wynnie's arm and cross to an open office. "Will this be okay?"
"Yeah, this works," Noah says as he walks through the open door ahead of me. I follow him, throwing a glance at Wynnie behind me and being sure not to close the door completely behind us. I can never be too careful.
"So how can I help you?" I ask Noah when I finally turn to face him. I take him in and I know exactly how this is going to go. This must be how I look everytime I eliminate someone.
"I don't think this is going to happen," Noah says bluntly, motioning between us.
"No?" I ask him, a little surprised. I had actually thought we'd been getting along.
"No," Noah sighs and paces away from me. He rubs at his brow and turns back to me. "I'm just not feeling a connection here. I mean, are you?"
"Well, I don't know," I shrug. I mean I can't really say if I am or I'm not. There's still so many of the guys left but then again, we're already more than halfway through them, it's hard to say. "I mean, I think?"
"See, so clearly I am not the one," Noah motions at me as if proving a point. I give him a look and he returns it. "Oh, come on, Charlotte. We can all tell you have your favorites. And that's fine, I guess. I mean, you're bound to have favorites. But I am not one of them. And after everything this morning, I just think it's time to call it."
"Oh, okay," I look down at my shoes, crossing my arms. I really don't know what to say. I mean no one has actually asked to go home since Kynan on day one. "Well, does that mean—"
"I think it's time for me to go home," Noah cuts me off, nodding.
"Is this because of the whole Bard thing?" I ask him, squinting.
"Well— yeah." Noah nods and turns a critical eye towards me. "I'm not a fan of being lied to."
"I didn't mean to lie," I mumble, feeling more than a little ashamed of myself.
"Yet you did," Noah says bluntly and it hurts a bit. "So can I go?"
"Oh, yeah, of course," I say, still not meeting his eyes.
"Good," Noah says as he crosses the room to the door. At the last second he stops and turns to me. "Good luck, Charlotte. Something tells me you're going to need it."
"Thanks," I mutter, feeling especially small. And then he leaves. It dawns on me then that this is it. It's going to feel like this, or worse, from now on every time someone leaves.
I don't know how I'm going to get through this.
||||||||||
"Your Highness, have you met Johnathan Daily? He's one of our newest representatives for the clean energy department," Church Grayson says proudly, clapping a younger man on the back.
Well younger is a bit of an exaggeration. He's still older than me but he's not quite gray haired yet.
"No, I don't think I have," I smile forcefully and turn to the man in question. "How are you enjoying the clean energy department?"
"It's a lot to catch up on but it's been a passion project of mine for years, so I'm hoping I do my nation proud," Jonathan says amiably. I smile and nod my head in response, giving the same pleasantries as I have to everyone else in this thing.
These cocktail hours are all the same, no matter what province we got to. We're here in Hansport for an East Coast Summit. A check in, really, and usually pretty boring. It's usually just a bunch of old men complaining that they deserve more time and money than the other provinces. But this time, the Selected are with me.
It's been pretty interesting seeing them all dressed up and mixing with the ambassadors and representatives. Some of them have found someone with common interests and have been chatting while others have pretty much secluded themselves in small groups. Both are smart choices with how to deal with these kinds of functions.
Eventually I'm let out of the current conversation of green energy. Usually it would be enough to keep me interested, but this day has already been long enough. I wander around the party, saying hellos to those that I've met at these things before. I head towards where my father is standing and speaking with Andrew Thornhill, my godfather.
"Charlotte!" he beams, his voice booming out into the room as he wraps an arm around my shoulders.
"Hey, Uncle Andrew," I mumble into his chest. He squeezes me once more before letting me go and stepping back.
"How's it going, Charlie?" Uncle Andrew asks me, his mustache quirking up in a grin. He's the only one who's ever been allowed to call me that.
"Oh, you know," I tell him and he nods and looks around the room.
"Your father keeping them in line?" he asks me and glances at Dad.
My father looks at me, his brow raising. "I think she's doing a fine job of doing that herself."
I glance between them, happy. Uncle Andrew is the only one my father has ever truly dropped his hard edge for. They grew up together, went to school together and were best friends. I think it's because he's not actually related to us.
"So tell me, who is the favorite?" Uncle Andrew asks me in a mock whisper and I swear my father leans in to hear my answer.
"I don't have a favorite," I tell him, rolling my eyes.
"No?" Uncle Andrew looks surprised and looks around at the nearest Selected. "Well, I have a favorite."
"How could you possibly have a favorite, you just met them today," My father chuckles, actually chuckles. It always amazes me how he acts around my godfather. Like he's a kid. Like he's actually able to relax.
"Ah, but not all of them," Uncle Andrew motions like he's proving a point to my father.
"That's right, you were just telling me that you knew one of our Selected. You liked him very much when he served under you, but you never told me who," Dad says like he's trying to pry something from my uncle but something about his words catches in my mind.
Served under him? I've read the guys' profiles a hundred times. There's only one who served...
"Yes, he was the perfect man. Dependable, determined, kind, hard-working," my uncle lists off the attributes and yeah, it all adds up. It can only be one guy. "I tell you, I was very pleased when I saw he was one of the Selected."
"Okay, now end this joke," Dad says, clearly tired of asking the same question over and over. "Who is this man?"
"Ah, here he is! Hernandez! How have you been, my boy?" Uncle Andrew grins wide, throwing his hand out to stop Levi from passing by.
Levi looks wide-eyed, especially to be turned around and facing my father. I smile at him, having expected this turn of events, but my father wasn't. He looks like he just bit into a lemon. If it wasn't my father, I would laugh.
"Commander Thornhill, I was not expecting to see you here, sir," Levi's voice is so formal it's easy to picture him as a fresh cadet.
Uncle Andrew beams at him. "Well, a few years ago I retired. But I was bored and so my dear friend Will offered me a position as a Hansport ambassador. And who am I to pass up an offer like that from the father of my goddaughter?"
"And you've been enjoying it?" Levi asks him, not missing a beat.
"More than you know," Uncle Andrew replies, happier than ever.
"But what is the base doing without you?" Levi asks him, a small grin and a flash of a glance at me.
"Barely surviving or so I've been told," Uncle Andrew says, always the flare of the dramatic. He turns back to me and my father. "I hope that you've been treating Hernandez here well?"
"Oh no, I've only treated him horribly," I shake my head and tease. Levi grins down at me while Uncle Andrew laughs.
He opens his mouth to say something else but gets distracted. Soon, his booming voice can be heard from halfway across the room, laughing with my father with some representative or another.
"I didn't know you knew my Uncle Andrew," I say to Levi when we're finally left alone.
"I didn't know you knew Commander Thornhill," Levi responds.
"Touche." I chuckle more to myself and shift slightly uncomfortable. Levi raises his brows down at me. I glance up at him and motion to my feet, indicating that my heels are killing me at this point. He gives me an understanding look as I sigh. "So are you enjoying the evening?"
"More now," Levi murmurs to me and something about his expression makes me blush.
"Good, I'm glad," I tell him, my voice soft as well. We smile softly at each other as the room continues to buzz around us. I shift again and mutter, "I'm glad."
March 11th
4:45pm
I shift in my seat once more, tired of being in this room. It's been a long day of listening to problems. Schools need more money, hospitals need more money, everyone needs more money. I take notes on my notepad in front of me as the guys all huddle over their tablets. They're supposed to be messaging each other about solutions and thoughts about the going ons. Originally, I was supposed to have a tablet myself, but I just wasn't up to it. Not today and it felt... weird. Everything feels weird. I think I'm just getting burnt out.
Morris Gradson is still talking and it takes all of my willpower to not roll my eyes. He's been droning on and on about I don't even know what. I glance around at the guys and several of them are typing furiously while others are actually paying attention. At least they look like they're paying attention. They're doing a better job of it than me.
It doesn't matter. In about fifteen more minutes, this thing will be wrapping up. My family will be heading back to Angeles and we are heading north. I can't wait to get to the cabin.
Ever since I was a little girl, we've been coming here. It's been our escape. My family founded the nearby town and we work hard to visit enough and instill enough that this is our escape. When we're up here we just want to be treated normally. And for the most part, it works.
I'm a little nervous to take the guys up there. But there will be guards and like I told them all yesterday, I'm confident in these guys. Maybe on some level, this is me showing them that. I sigh and glance around meeting my father's eyes. I straighten at his look and turn my attention back to my notes. He's right, I'm not acting very princess-like.
Well, no, I am. I'm acting like the spare. Something I haven't been in a very, very long time.
I don't like it. I take a deep breath and turn back to my notes. Only a little longer. Just a little longer and then I can relax. I need it. I need to relax.
||||||||||
"Finally," I say, dropping my bag as soon as we're through the door to the cabin. I refused to let any of the guys carry it for me, despite the three that offered. I slip the light switches, lighting up the entire living room area and the kitchen. It's large and open floored and just beautiful. Honestly, it's my perfect house. I turn to the guys who are following me in. "Welcome to one of my favorite places in the world."
"A cabin in the mountains is your favorite place in the world?" Nico asks, his brows raising as he steps up beside me and throwing an arm around my shoulders.
"I can understand that," I hear Bowie say from the back of the crowd and I grin.
I duck out of Nico's arm and scoop the strap of my bag back up from the floor. I start heading up the stairs and turn around, facing everyone. "Well, rooms are first come first serve. There's food and drinks in the fridge and pizza is already on the way. I'm going to change."
I wash my face and change as quickly as I can. I throw on some lounge pants and an oversized sweatshirt, grateful for something that I can kind of disappear into. I pull my hair back into a messy ponytail and check myself in the mirror. It's not pretty but this is me when I need to relax. If these guys want to know me, they need to know this me.
I head back downstairs and find several of the guys already digging into the pizza and pulling drinks from the fridge.
"What can I get you, Charlotte?" Ellis asks, his head in the fridge.
"Wine?" I ask, moving to the cabinet to pull a glass out.
"Oh me too," Danil says from over my shoulder. I grin at him and pull a second glass out.
"Wine is for women," Nico says from the other side of the table. I frown at him and he throws his hands up, "Just kidding."
"I like wine." Danil shrugs. "I always grew up having it with every Sunday night dinner."
"Oh, yeah, Sunday family dinners?" I ask him, taking a sip from my wine glass.
"Yeah, mom always made sure she cooked a large meal and we'd all gather and talk about our week. We all had so much going on all the time so it was always a really nice check in." Danil nods, keeping eye contact with me. I smile and nod like I can understand and I kind of can. Too bad my family fell apart.
"I think that's really nice," Ellis says quietly as he pulls his pizza slices from the boxes piled up high.
"It has been weird not being there," Danil admits as he holds the lid for Ellis. "But then again, we all eat together so we essentially have that everyday."
"Yeah, we're one big happy family," Nico calls from the couch and when he catches my eye he grins and pats the seat next to him. "I saved you a seat."
I force a grin and gather my own slices of pizza. I catch Danil's eye and he chuckles. I return the chuckle and roll my eyes. This is going to be a fun night.
March 12th
7:15 am
"Bowie, slow down," I huff and the man in front of me looks back and grins. He holds out his hand and helps me up and over the tree trunk that fell across the path.
"Sorry, I'm just excited to get to the top of the peak," Bowie says as he walks next to me, much slower this time.
"Me too," I admit. "It's been years since I hiked these trails."
"Really? So you're not much of a hiker?" Bowie asks me, frowning just slightly.
"Actually I always loved going on hikes, I just haven't had much time as of late," I tell him, swatting at a fly that keeps hovering over my shoulder.
"I'm surprised none of the other guys wanted to join us." Bowie frowns, glancing back the way we came, like he can see all the way back to the cabin.
"Oh yes, because so many of them strike me as the type to strap a pair of hiking boots on at six thirty in the morning," I say sarcastically. Bowie grins at me.
"Oh yeah, that sounds like all of them, really," Bowie plays into the joke. He glances around us. "So how much further?"
"I'm not really sure," I say, looking around us. "It's been a long time since I've been on these trails."
"Hmm, there's beauty in the mystery," Bowie shrugs and as the path narrows he forges ahead.
I grin as I watch him go, for the first time seeming like he was totally in his element. I glance around taking in the trees and the greenery.
Finally we make it to the peak and the view is everything I remembered it to be. Every so often, Hellie, Luc and I used to come up here, just to get away. Treetops and mountains as far as the eyes can see. It puts everything into perspective, if for only a little bit.
I look over at Bowie. His eyes are bright and he looks like he's trying to take it all in. He breathes deeply and for the first time, it's like I can see who he really is. He's caring and considerate and more than anything very passionate about the environment. More than a few times we've had extensive conversations about green energy and it's been nice to have an outsider agree with me and even offer opinions. I look around us and take a deep breath myself. It's fresh and clean. Yes, this seems very Bowie.
||||||||||
"Hey, Charlotte!" Nico's voice booms up the stairs to me and I have to fight not to roll my eyes. I sigh to myself as I pull a hoodie over my head and head to the top of the stairs. It's not his fault, or well, maybe it is. He's just been so... clingy lately. Everytime I sit on the couch, he's there. Whenever I go for a walk, as long as it's not at six in the morning, he's there. I haven't had a chance to talk to anyone without Nico since we left the summit. He's just been... a lot.
"What's up?" I ask as I stand at the top of the stairs, forcing an interested smile.
Nico's face lights up when he spots me. His grin widens and something about his stance changes. "I was just thinking we could make dinner together."
"Make dinner?" I ask him as I descend the stairs towards him.
"Yeah, I figured we didn't want to eat pizza two days in a row, so I figured we could make something together," Nico says as he moves to the kitchen where I swear he has everything from the fridge splayed across the island.
"I'm really not much of a chef," I tell him, trying to back up and make a break for the couch, where I've been longing to lounge and read.
I'm almost there when Nico crosses the island and takes me by the hand. "Oh, nonsense, I'll show you everything that needs done."
"Really, Nico," I say, shaking my head. I look longingly back at the couch. "You have no idea how bad I am."
"I can attest to that," Ambrose says, walking into the room, his nose in his own book.
"Yes, see, Ambrose has seen my lack of cooking abilities first hand." I wave at Ambrose, emphasizing my point.
"Oh, I'll show you everything. Come on, Charlotte, I'll be beside you every step of the way," Nico says, not taking no for an answer. He takes my hand and drags me to the kitchen. I glance over my shoulder at the couch, and Ambrose on the couch, longingly.
Ambrose glances up and catches my eye, giving me an amused look. 'Help me,' I mouth to him and he grins. Then he must get that I'm serious. He hops up and jogs to the other side of the island.
"Hey, can I help?" Ambrose asks, picking up the nearest onion and peeling it.
"Uh, I think Charlotte and I can handle it," Nico says, not meeting Ambrose's eye and turning away.
"I really think you underestimate how bad Charlotte is in the kitchen," Ambrose says. He ignores his interjection and keeps peeling the onion. "We'll never have the time to eat if you don't have a little help."
"Fine," Nico says, a bit dejected. "All of the onions need diced."
"You got it," Ambrose nods at Nico. As soon as Nico turns his back he shoots me a face and I shoot one back.
I giggle and mouth, 'Thank you.'
'Anytime,' he mouths back, grinning like a fool. As soon as Nico turns back to face us, we straighten our faces once more and get to the tasks he sets us. Ambrose keeps up. I, however, only hold them up. Luckily, thanks to the two of them, we don't starve.
March 13th
2:15pm
"Catch," Levi says, tossing me the keys to the car.
"Oh, ummm, you might not want me to drive," I say, tossing them back to him.
"Why?" Levi looks at me confused but he must trust me because he climbs into the driver's seat.
"Because I haven't driven since I was named Crown Princess," I tell Levi.
"Seriously? And how long has that been?" Levi asks me, looking at me over the gearshift.
"About six years now," I tell him, turning to him in the passenger seat.
"That's a long time to go without driving," Levi comments.
"Yeah," I sigh and lean my head against the headrest.
"Hey, you okay?" His expression is all concern and I can't express how much I appreciate it.
"Yeah," I sigh again. He looks over at me and I can see it. He doesn't believe me but he also knows. He knows why I'm exhausted. He knows why even this weekend is weighing on me, why it feels like a lot.
Levi gives me a weak smile and turns into the nearest empty parking lot. He puts the car in park and unbuckles his seat belt. "Okay," he says, opening his car door. "Come on, get out."
"Why?" I ask him, my brow raising but I make no move.
He looks back at me. "We are reteaching you to drive."
"Oh, I don't need to," I tell him with a wave of my hand.
"Come on, princess, switch places with me," Levi conjoles me and climbs out of the car completely. When I still haven't gotten out of the car by the time he reaches my side he opens my door for me. "Come on."
"Why?" I ask him again, a nervous chuckle in my voice.
Levi chuckles as well. "We're taking back your control."
"My control?" I ask him and I feel dumb. I'm just repeating everything he says. Levi just rolls his eyes and leans over, unbuckling my seat belt. I finally climb out of the car and stand in front of him expectantly.
He hands me the car keys, a giant grin on his face. "Go for it, princess, you're in control now."
||||||||||
Levi and I walk back up to the cabin, our arms full of bags. We'd needed to get more food for dinner tonight because, go figure, 13 men eat a lot of food. It had been nice to get out of the cabin for a little while. Getting fresh air and being behind the wheel again for the first time in six year, it was well needed.
"Thanks for asking me to go with you." I look at Levi and smile softly.
He grins at me. "I figured you needed some fresh air."
"I did," I admit, nodding. "This has been a lot more overwhelming than I even thought it would be."
"Dating is hard," Levi says it like he totally gets it. I tilt my head. From the little Abri hinted at, Levi never really dated. At least not that she knew. Levi shifts his bags as he opens the door for me, "But I can only imagine how much harder it is to date while being royalty."
"It's not easy," I admit and forge ahead into the cabin. Almost immediately I bump into another hard body. "Oh, Nico," I gasp, readjusting my grip on the grocery bags. I give him a weak smile. "I didn't see you there."
"Here, let me help." Nico doesn't wait for my permission, just grabs the bags from my hands and takes them to the kitchen.
"Uh, thanks," I say to him and exchange glances with Levi. I shrug and he juts his chin toward the couch. Clearly he's telling me to go relax and I give him a relieved smile. "Thanks."
Finally, a moment to myself. I sink into the couch and pull out my phone. I don't even want to take the risk of going all the way upstairs to grab my book. Too many opportunities to run into someone else. Instead, I pull up my spotify and put in headphones. Just before I push play I feel a tap on my shoulder. Quentin stands there with a box of scrabble. He looks at me expectantly and I nod.
"Sure, let's play," I sigh and look over my shoulder into the kitchen. Levi gives me a knowing look and I smile.
Yeah, this is exhausting.
March 14th
11:15 am
"So, how was the weekend?" Henley asks as she links her arm in mine. Natalia takes my other arm in hers. She beams up at me and I roll my eyes at both of them.
"What do you guys want to know?" I ask with a sigh and they giggle.
"Tell me you finally kissed someone," Natalia begged with a sigh. I remain silent and she deflates. "Charlotte, how are you going to know if you like anyone if you don't kiss them?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe by talking to them and spending time with them?" I ask her in mock askance.
"You know what she means." Henley hip checks me. I can tell she and Nat are a little annoyed. "How else are you going to judge the chemistry?"
They've been bothering me to get closer to the guys, to do more. I get what they mean, but something keeps stopping me. I'm enjoying my time with the guys so far. It's been calm and safe. I've had a couple of kisses, one good, one awful, plus my almost kiss with— Nope, I will not think about that. Everytime I do, I get deflated. But I'm okay with how things are going in this Selection. I'm okay with the pace.
"You guys, I'm happy with how things are going," I tell them, stopping in the middle of the hallway. They turn to me, each looking a little surprised. "I know this might surprise you two, but I don't want to kiss everyone. I'm not ready. This is big. It's not a game, it's not something to bet on. This is my life, my future. And not one that I asked for and yet, here I am. Doing it. Because it's what I have to do. And I promise, I am doing everything I can to make real connections, to have real feelings." Both of their faces fall a bit as I carry on, but I don't stop, "I will tell you when things develop, when I'm comfortable telling you those things. You are two of my best friends. I want to share these things with you. I want to get excited with you. I want to have exciting, hopping up and down moments with you. But those will not be instantaneous and I will not force them. So please, will you just give me a break?"
"Charlotte," Henley sighs, her eyes dimming. She and Nat exchange a look and reach out to me, touching my arm. "Hey, we're sorry, okay? We're just excited for you and we want to share in the excitement."
"No, I'm sorry." I instantly feel guilty and pinch the bridge of my nose. "I'm sorry for snapping, the weekend was a lot."
"It's okay, Charlotte," Nat hugged me from the side. "We're probably pushing you too much."
I sigh and link my arms with them once more. "So, this weekend..."
||||||||||
"Wow, this place is amazing," Ellis says softly, watching his feet as he steps from platform to platform.
"This isn't a museum," I tease Ellis gently. "You don't have to whisper."
"Right," he chuckles more to himself. He jumps on another platform. It turns from blue to red and Ellis' smile lights up with it.
"You know this installment has been here for a few years," I tell him as I follow him, hopping from each platform as well. "But this is the first time I've been able to see it."
"Isn't that the worst?" Ellis asks me, turning around to face me. He reaches out his hand and I take it, hopping with him now.
"What?" I laugh as I begin a whole hopscotch routine even though the steps don't ask for it.
Ellis chuckles with me before explaining, "All these things in your hometown, that people come from miles to see, and it takes almost your whole life to actually go see them. Isn't that the worst?"
"It is," I agree with him with a smile on my face. "And somehow it doesn't seem fair."
"It's not fair," Ellis nods like this is the most normal thing to say, ever. Then he turns to me, a sly grin on his face. "Let's make up for it now."
"Make up for it? We're already here," I laugh at the look on his face.
"Yes, but we have to make a promise," Ellis says, hopping off the light path to another, leading us into the forest of lights.
"A promise?" I ask him, feeling completely crazy.
"Yes a promise," Ellis pulls me along with him and it feels nice. Getting Ellis out of the palace feels nice. There he's quiet and tends to fade into the background. Here, out in the wild he's more relaxed, more carefree. He turns to me with a gleam in his eye. "A promise that for as long as I'm here, we go and do all of the touristy things that other people travel to do but we haven't because it's right in our backyard."
I chuckle at his excitement. "I think I can adhere to that promise."
"Heh, sounds good," Ellis looks down at me and I can feel a blush color my cheeks. This feels like a moment. A moment when something is supposed to happen and I'm supposed to feel something and then excitedly tell my friends.
I pull back a little, giving Ellis a weak smile. He doesn't say anything. In fact he doesn't seem to let it upset him at all. Instead, he pulls me deeper into the gardens, pointing out installations as we go.
It's a good night, a nice night. A perfectly nice night.
March 15th
11:30 am
"I've never been kayaking before," I admit to Apollo as he double checks my life vest. "Actually I didn't even know they made double kayaks."
"No? Yeah, most kayaks are single but canoes are harder to maneuver," Apollo tells me as he straightens up and gently pulls my hair out from under my life vest.
"Does this yellow wash me out?" I ask him jokingly and shift.
Apollo grins and flips his hair out of his own face. "Does this orange make me look fat?"
"Oh absolutely." I nod, trying to keep my face straight.
Apollo matches my expression. "Good, that's exactly what I was going for."
"Good, mission accomplished," I tell him and Apollo laughs.
"Are you stalling?" Apollo asks me as I shift once more.
"Stalling? Me? No, why?" I ask him but now that he mentions it, I am a bit nervous.
"Oh, shoot, Charlotte," Apollo groans, stepping back. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have suggested this."
"No, I had no real ideas so this was great," I tell him in a rush.
"Yeah, but I should have thought about—"
"Apollo, seriously, it's fine," I tell him and shake my head. I never want to remember that day again. I pause, "Just, if I panic—"
"I'll be right there with you," Apollo assures me. He stands and crosses to the lake, pulling the kayak closer to us. He glances up at me. "And I promise that we will stay above the water, the entire time."
"You can promise that?" I question him.
"There will be no flipping because of me," he promises me. He holds his hand out to me. "Now come on, let's get you settled."
I gingerly step across the kayak and sink into my seat. My stomach flips, nerves coursing through my body. I wobble a bit but before I know it, Apollo is there.
"It's okay, Charlotte," Apollo says softly. "I got you."
||||||||||
"So I figured we would take a dance class," I tell Levi as I open the rec hall door.
"Don't you have a dance instructor?" Levi asks me as he follows me in.
"I do, but I thought it would be fun to attend a full dance class," I tell Levi as we step up to the check in desk. I check the calendar on the wall and head to the correct room.
"Oh, princess, I don't know," Levi says, pausing in his steps. He's shaking his head and I'm taken back to when he was first learning to dance. All of his lessons and the frustrations they gave him. And then the late night lesson we had. It was quiet and intimate and fun. It was one of the first times I really got to see him.
"Levi, trust me, please?" I ask him, taking his hand in both of mine and looking up at him. "I promise I will be with you every step of the way."
"And you'll keep me from looking like a fool?" Levi asks, his brows lifting.
"Cross my heart," I vow with a smile. We reach our classroom door and as soon as I open it, my heart drops. Swing music fills the room and a room full of elderly couples dance around the classroom floor.
"Great! Our last couple has arrived," the young instructor calls out over the music.
I turn to Levi. "I take it back."
"What?" he asks me, looking thoroughly confused. "Take what back."
"I can't keep you from looking like a fool," I tell him, a hint of panic in my voice.
"Charlotte, what's wrong?" Levi asks me, a slight chuckle in his voice and an expression of concern on his face.
"I have no idea how to swing dance," I admit to Levi, trying to pull him back towards the door.
Levi chuckles at me and plants his feet, leading me in the opposite direction. He glances over his shoulder at the instructor and all the couples, now tittering, around us. "Come on."
"But you said—" I object but he cuts me off, pulling me close.
"I know." He shrugs as he mimics the hand position of the couples around us. Then he looks back down at me and smiles. "But at least this way, we'll look like fools together."
"Fools together," I echo, a smile replacing the panic on my face.
"Alright class, warm up is over," the instructor calls out as she turns up the music. "Let's get to business!"
"I mean, why not, right?" Levi asks me with a shrug. I can't tell if he's just saying this to get me to relax or if he actually wants to be here. Either way, I let him talk me into a dance class I have no idea about and something tells me I won't regret it.
||||||||||
"We are terrible," I laugh uncontrollably as I lean over, trying to catch my breath.
Levi is chuckling too as he walks up and hands me a paper cup of water. "We really are."
"Do you think the instructor has ever seen two people more incapable of a simple combination?" I take the cup and drink greedily.
"Probably not," Levi says as he helps me up from the floor and to the nearest bench. He drinks slowly from his own cup and I shift closer to him. He grins down at me. "So," he clears his throat. "Where to next?"
"I was thinking of grabbing a quick meal before heading back to the palace," I tell him, smiling softly. "Unless, you have a better idea."
"Food sounds great," Levi says, standing and reaching a hand out to me. "I'm always a fan of eating."
"So admission," I say as we get back out onto the street. "I did not exactly plan on where to go. I just figured we would find somewhere to eat."
"And you're regretting that now?" Levi asks me as he ambles beside me. I don't miss how he shortens his stride so it's easier for me to keep up.
"Well now I'm noticing there's not much more than fast food in the immediate area," I say, glancing around us.
"That's fine, not ideal but it'll do," Levi says as he too glances around. His face lights up as his eyes land on a building and grabs my hand once more. "Come on, I know exactly where we're going."
"Okay, but how can they call it Five Guys if there aren't five guys working here?" I ask Levi as we sit, waiting on our food.
Levi chuckles. "I don't think there's always a need for five guys to be working. And it would be pretty sexist to only hire men to work here."
"That's true," I grin as I look at him. I look around at the walls, at all the review posters hanging on the walls. "Is this really the best burger in the nation?"
"I mean they are really good." Levi nods. He jumps up and grabs the bags of food and brings them back to our table. Then he goes back to the counter and grabs ketchup, salt, pepper, malt vinegar and sriracha sauce.
"What's all that?" I squint my eyes at the display in front of me.
"Oh." He holds up a finger and crosses to the counter and murmurs to the worker there. He comes back with two cups of mayo and sits across from me. He spreads everything out and mixes some of the mayo with ketchup and some with the sriracha. Then he looks up at me expectantly.
"Levi," I say his name and he grins.
"Yeah?"
I laugh. "Explain."
His grin is the same one I saw on him while we were playing telephone pictionary. It's a nice smile. A happy smile. I like it.
"Okay, so we have our array of dips for the fries. I suggest topping your half of the fries with the level of salt and pepper that you normally like, but I always try mine first. Some people salt their fries more than others," Levi says, pulling the burgers from the bag and glancing at the ticket. He glances at his burger before handing me mine. Then he takes the cup of fries out from the bag and asks me, "So how hungry are you?"
"I'm sorry?" I chuckle. "How am I supposed to gauge that?"
"So the thing about Five Guys is they always put an extra amount of fries into the bag that are equal or more than that of the cup. So if you're starving, which no judgment if you are, then you can have the bag fries. If not, then the cup is all yours."
"And if I say I'm not as hungry and eat all of my cup fries but then want more, what then?" I ask him, unwrapping my burger. The smell makes my mouth water.
"Then too bad." Levi shrugs and I gasp.
"Are you saying you won't share?" I ask in a fake accusing tone.
"You made your choices, woman," Levi grins, handing me the cup of fries and pulling the bag to himself. I narrow my eyes at him and he chuckles and mockingly hands me the bag. "Do you want the bag?"
"No, I'll just steal some of yours if I get really hungry," I say straight faced.
"At the risk to your own life," Levi says.
I straighten up. "I'll take those odds."
Levi and I both crack grins as we turn to our own food. I watch him for a moment and realize how nice this is. It almost feels normal, like I'm a normal everyday citizen. Levi looks up at me and raises a brow and I finally take a bite.
"Wow." My eyes widen. Levi looks up at me and I grin. I take another bite. "This is a good burger."
March 16th
11:57pm
"Why do you look so tired?" Hellie's voice rings out loudly into my closet and I cringe. I frantically turn the volume down. Natalia is in for it when I see her next. She always borrows my laptop and she never turns the volume back down.
"It's nothing Hellie, I just—" I sigh and lean against the wall. "I've had a lot going on recently. I've been trying to go on dates with the guys."
"Ooooh, who'd you date today?" Hellie asks, her eyes lighting up.
"Let's see, I took a barista class with Ambrose," I tell my older sister, smiling a bit thinking about it.
"A barista class? What?"
"Like we learned how to make fancy coffee and cappuccinos," I explain.
"Cool! Can you make me a decaf cap with a cute design in the foam?" Hellie asks and I can tell she's teasing me.
"Only if the cute design is a heart," I tell her matter of factly.
"A heart huh? Is that foreshadowing?" Hellie's brow dances with the suggestion.
"Shut up!"
"I'm just saying! Maybe even the cappuccino instructor is seeing cupid in the air," she sings-songs and I can hear her husband chuckle in the background.
"Do you want to hear about the others or not?" I ask her in a threatening tone.
"Yes, fine, take all of the fun from your pregnant sister," Hellie sighs and I smile.
"How are you feeling?" I ask her, leaning forward. I can see in the computer camera that my laptop lights my face up more, highlighting the bags under my eyes. I cringe and lean back, trying to hide in the dark.
"Oh, I'm fine. Between you and Enzo, I have everything I need," Hellie waves me off. "Don't try to distract me. Tell me about the other date you had today."
"Dates," I correct her and her eyebrows shoot up.
"Dates? As in more than just the coffee class?" Hellie asks and her husband must get up because her camera shakes.
"Yes, in the morning I went to the class with Ambrose. Then in the afternoon I played Mad Libs with Linus."
"He's the writer right?"
"Yeah, and he's really funny," I tell her laying down and setting the laptop next to me. "He's also one of the strongest feminists I've ever met."
"Really?" Hellie sounds impressed. When I nod she makes an impressed sound, "Huh."
"Yeah, he says it's because he ghost writes books and his favorite genre is to write romance. It gives him the chance to write women as strong and asking for what they want and empower them," I ramble and yawn. "So he says he's tried to transfer that over into his everyday life and thinking."
"That's really cool," Hellie says.
"Yeah." I yawn again. "And then the forecast called for possible rain the rest of the week so I decided to ask Bowie to have hot chocolate and s'mores around a bonfire with me."
"Does he take whipped cream or marshmallows?" Hellie asks, getting close to the camera.
"Neither," I admit, scrunching up my nose.
"Oh, he has to go." She shakes her head, disappointed.
"I joked about that," I tell her, laughing lightly. "But then he pointed out that by him using neither, there's just more left for me and well, how could I argue with that?"
"Yes, how could you argue with that?" Hellie muses. She leans back in her seat, a smile on her face. "You know sis, I got to say. It sounds like you've got some good guys there."
"Yeah, I think I really do," I tell her, smiling. "I really do."
March 17th
7:25 am
"Charlotte!" I hear my name called loudly just as I'm on my way out the door with Xander.
"Charlotte, wait!" Wynnie pants as she rushes up to me.
I turn to Xander and give him an apologetic look before turning back to my cousin. The look on her face sends a jolt of fear through me. "Wynnie, what's going on?"
"They— fight— bad—" she's still huffing but I'm already not liking what I'm hearing.
"Wynn, slow down. What happened?" I take her hand in mine and squeeze.
"There was a fight in the gym," Wynnie explains. She looks up at me, her eyes wide. "It was Nico and Levi."
"You said the gym?" I ask her, panic wrecking me. When she nods, I turn to Xander, an apology already on my lips.
"Go," he says, waving me off. "Take care of this. The farmer's market can wait."
"Thanks, Xander," I say before kissing him on the cheek and then I take off, making my way towards the gym.
I make it almost all the way there when I hear my name, booming through the hallways once more.
"Charlotte!" My father's angry voice fills the palace. His rage feels every inch between us and my stomach drops. I start to feel my heart race as he charges up to me. "There was a fight."
"I-I know, I was just on my way to—" I stammer but he rages over me.
"Eliminate him," he's not yelling but his every word is stamped with so much anger I flinch.
"Him?" I can feel my body panicking. I don't want to eliminate him, I don't want—
"Whoever started it. I don't care who it was." My father raises his hand as if I were about to interrupt him. "I should make you eliminate them both, but I will be lenient, this one time. Whoever started the fight, eliminate him. Get him out of here, Charlotte, or I'm ending the entire thing. Do you understand?"
I barely nod before he's storming off. I watch him go, trying to catch my breath. I barely get it under control before Bard finds me.
"Charlotte, good." He's panting too and holding a first aid kit.
"Bard! What is happening?" I ask him, stepping forward and taking the kit from him.
"It's not great," he admits and leads me to one of the old butler passes. "I've got Levi in here."
Bard holds the door open for me and I charge ahead. I thought I was prepared, but as soon as I see him, I know I wasn't. Levi sits here waiting and looking at me like he knows what comes next. His face is bloody and there's an anger running through me. I'm angry that someone did this to him. I'm angry he let someone do this to him. I'm angry it happened in my house. What were they thinking?
"Levi, what were you thinking?" I snap at him and I almost feel bad. I turn to the first aid kit, just to give myself something to do. I wet a rag and turn to Levi's face. I don't even realize that I'm still muttering until I almost hear myself admit to him that my father has almost made me eliminate him once before.
I try to be gentle as I wipe at the blood covering his face but the more that I clean off, the more there seems to be. "Geez, why is there so much blood?"
Still, Levi sits there silently.
"Levi, what happened?" I ask him. I can feel the anger simmering, turned low. Now I'm just worried. Why won't he say anything? My frustration builds. I sigh and kneel in front of him. I take hold of his chin and force his eyes to meet mine. "Levi, why won't you tell me?"
I sigh as he looks away. Why is he giving up? Why won't he talk to me? I don't understand. I continue to wipe the blood from his face. First with water, then antiseptic and finally I place the necessary bandages. I hiss as I place them, imagining the pain Levi must be in. But still he says nothing.
It irritates my soul.
I place both of my hands on either side of his face, inspecting it to see if I missed anything. His lips a little busted but there's really nothing I can do without liquid bandage. I meet Levi's eyes for a moment and I hope for just a moment that he'll tell me but then he sighs and looks away from me.
"I'm fine Charlotte," he says softly. "I'm alright. You don't need to clean me up anymore."
I stand up quickly, anger coursing through me once more. Now he doesn't even want me to help him? My hands find my hips as I ask him once more, "How could you fight, Levi?" Still he doesn't meet my gaze. I stare at him a moment longer and suddenly I feel like begging him. "What happened? Tell me."
Still, he remains silent and somehow that hurts me more. Why won't he just tell me? Why won't he trust me with the truth? I can feel my face wanting to release my emotions, to want to cry and that only serves to make me angry.
"Fine, don't tell me," I snap. I'm back to snapping at him. This day is just already awful. I spin, heading to the door. I don't even look back. "I have to go talk to Nico."
I want to slam the door behind me, but I don't. It's too much and gives away too much of the emotions roiling inside of me. I take a deep breath, pausing outside in the hallway. What am I going to do? I don't want to eliminate Levi. I really, really don't. But he won't tell me what happened. And my dad—
"Charlotte."
I jump and spin, searching for the source of my name this time. I sigh in relief, finding Bard standing there.
"Bard, you scared me," I tell him, holding a hand against my chest. I lean against the wall and look at my friend. "What am I going to do? Why won't he tell me what happened?" I sigh, "What am I doing wrong?"
"Nothing." Bard shakes his head. "He's being stubborn and I don't know why, but you're not doing anything wrong."
"You don't know that," I tell him, feeling my eyes well with tears. I can't tell if I'm sad or frustrated or what, but I cannot cry. Not right now. I need to figure this out, I need to deal with Nico. "I thought we were connecting—" I say motioning in the direction we left Levi. "But now— and I—"
"He was defending you," Bard cuts me off.
"What?" I ask him, panting lightly, thrown off by the interruption to my rambling.
"He was defending you. Nico was angry and just spewing his anger and saying—" Bard shifts, suddenly looking uncomfortable. "Well, he was saying some very unflattering things about you. Levi told him to stop and yes, he probably should have not stepped up to Nico, but he was defending you, and then Nico threw the first punch. Levi tried not to fight, he even let Nico get a few more hits in than he should have, but he did nothing wrong. It was Nico."
"It was Nico?" I ask him, my voice breaking a bit. My shoulders sag in relief.
"It was Nico," Bard confirms.
I take a minute to process this. Nico started the fight. Nico threw the first punch. Levi was just defending me. That makes sense, so much more sense. Then it all starts not making sense. "Wait, why?"
"Why what?" Bard asks me, a confused face crossing his face.
"Why did Nico start the fight? Why was he so angry?" I ask Bard, crossing my arms.
"Oh, he thinks you're playing favorites. He was mad you hadn't gone out with him yet," Bard tells me like I should already know this.
"I just hadn't gotten to him yet, these dates were not planned," I rush to my own defense.
"I know that, but he probably doesn't," Bard explains. "It doesn't help that his first one on one date was canceled before you two could get to it."
"Right," I say on an exhale and shift. I think about everything Bard just told me and turn to the hallway. "Which room is he in?"
"I think Chatham took him to the locker room," Bard tells me, motioning down the hallway. I start to head that way when he stops me. "Wait, here."
"Right," I mumble, taking the first aid kit he offers me. I take a deep breath and head to the locker room. Just before I leave I turn back to Bard and look up at him. "Come with me? I really don't want to do this alone."
"Of course," Bard gives me a small smile.
He follows me a short distance to the locker room and just before heading in, I pause at the door. I can hear shouting coming from inside the room and I wince. Yeah, maybe it's a good idea that I do this now. If he gets set off like this...
"He should be out of here! What he said—" Nico's shouting is cut off as I open the door. He sits back down, Chatham glaring at him the whole time. His voice is hesitant. "Charlotte."
"Nico," I say his name matter of factly and move to sit in front of him. I take a deep breath and look into his face. "Want to tell me what happened?"
Nico sighs but immediately holds his hands out to me. I hold back a frown as I take his hand and begin cleaning his knuckles. "I was in the gym, just blowing off steam. And apparently Hernandez took offense to that and he started spewing things and the next thing I knew, fists were flying."
He says it all like it's no big deal. Like a fight is nothing to worry about or like I wouldn't have to make a decision.
"That's it?" I ask him, a tad annoyed. I know there was more to it and I'd prefer it if he would just own up to it. Or at least outright lie. Instead he's just glossing over everything.
"Yeah, like I said." Nico shrugs and he ducks, trying to get me to meet his eyes. "I was just trying to blow off some steam."
"I know what happened," I tell him with a huff, setting down the rag I was using to clean his knuckles. "What really happened."
"I suppose you went to him first then." Nico's eyes flash and suddenly I'm glad that I asked Bard to stay with me. A mean grin covers his face, "I should have known that you would. Like you'd ever believe me over him anyway, he is one of your favorites, your precious Levi."
"Hey!" I stand up now, not happy at all with how he's acting.
"What?" Nico stands now too, a mocking smile on his face. I take a few steps from him, turning away, but he follows me. "Is the little princess upset because for ONCE someone is telling her the truth? You going to cry because I know —because we all know— that the only way you're keeping anyone around is because you're sprea—"
"That's enough!" Bard roars, crossing the room faster than I've ever seen him move. I gasp as Bard grabs Nico by the collar and hauls him up, slamming him against the lockers. Bard's eyes dart between Nico's, waiting for a response. When he gets none, he growls, "In case it wasn't obvious, you're gone. You're done. You will never see Charlotte again, you will never speak to her again and you will never deign to speak of her again. Am I clear? Because if I'm not, I'm sure there's a few others who would be happy to make it more than clear to you."
"You're clear," Nico's voice is small and raspy. I can barely hear it but the immense relief that slams over me from those two words...
"Chatham," I don't know where the strength in my voice comes from, but I'm grateful for it all the same. I straighten and all three men in the room turn to me, awaiting my order. I clear my throat and turn to my second in command, "Chatham, please escort Mr. Dinley out. He is done here."
"Yes, Your Highness." Chatham nods at me and grabs Nico by the arm, shoving him roughly in front of him.
I stand there frozen for a moment, waiting for it all to dawn on me.
"Charlotte?" Bard asks me, breaking the quiet. "Charlotte, are you okay?"
I nod and then I realize— Levi. I need to talk to Levi. I need to tell him what happened, that I know. I know it wasn't him. I know he didn't start the fight. I know Nico was the bad guy here, and the way I treated him? I just— I need to talk to Levi. To apologize to him.
I rush back to the room where I left him and am dismayed to find that he's no longer there. I look to Bard, but he's no longer behind me, off to help Chatham deal with Nico or something else entirely. I search the hall, hoping to catch sight of Levi turning a corner or something, any sign of him, but there is none.
I sigh and head back towards the gym, hoping that maybe he went back there. No luck. I try the infirmary next, then the dining room, the lesson room, everywhere I can think of and still no Levi. A pit grows in my stomach. What if he left? What if he decided to leave on his own? What if—
There's only one place left to look for him. His room. I have to ask for directions, and when I get to the Selected hallway, I realize I have no idea which room is his. I glance around me, both hoping to run into someone and dreading it. I need directions but I also don't want to answer any questions right now. I can feel the panic rising up in me but I force myself to breathe. I don't know anything yet. I don't know that he left me. I don't know if he gave up. When I find his room, he's going to be there. He has to, it's the only place left.
Finally, I just start opening doors at random. Probably not the most intelligent move on my part. But I somehow got lucky. Several doors are already open so I rule those out quickly. I can see they're not his, or at least he's not in them. The first closed door I try, I open and instantly find him.
Relief floods through me. He's here. He didn't leave. I can feel a small smile form on my lips at the rush of finding him here. "Sorry I didn't knock, I didn't know where you—"
My words cut from as I spot it. There, on his bed, fully packed and waiting is his bag. I can tell it's his. Instead of real luggage it's one of those oversized green military duffle bags and true to Levi, it only looks about half full. He packed. I can feel my heart sinking as I take in this fact. I have to swallow several times before I can speak again.
"Wh-what are you doing?" My voice is thick and sticky when I finally find it and I am trying, trying so hard not to let every emotion out with it.
"Packing," he says it like it's obvious, like it's not wrecking me to hear him say that one simple word. Levi shrugs like it means nothing, like every moment we've had together has meant nothing. "I thought I'd get a head start—"
He stops though when his eyes meet mine and that's when I realize I'm crying. I hadn't meant to cry, I really hadn't. I had been trying so hard to reign it all in, to bottle it up. If I mean nothing, to where he's so ready to leave, then, I shouldn't be crying. I should be able to hold it together.
"Why are you packing?" Why am I asking? I want to shake myself, especially as my voice shakes as I ask. I take a deep breath and step forward, further into the room. I clasp my hands, trying to keep myself steady. He says nothing so I ask him again, "Levi, why are you packing? Do you want to leave?"
Finally I meet his eyes and Levi looks stricken, "I thought—" he swallows and why does he seem like he's as nervous as I am? "I thought you were eliminating me."
"No," I say but really my voice is barely there. Suddenly my knees feel weak and it feels like a dam breaks. "No, no, I wasn't— I'm not. I don't want you to go." Suddenly I'm babbling and I can't seem to stop. "I mean my father said I had to eliminate whoever it was that started the fight, but I know it wasn't you! Bard told me what happened." I find I can't meet his eyes. They're too kind, holding too much sympathy for me. "Levi, I'm so sorry, I didn't know what was happening, and they told me you were in a fight, and I didn't know who started it, and then my dad told me he had to be eliminated, and I thought it was you, and I-I—"
I feel like a wave is crashing over me, holding me down. It's all so much. I don't know why the thought of Levi leaving is affecting me like this. The thought that he wants to leave, it's like a stabbing pain. I search around me, looking for a place to fall but then suddenly he's there. Levi wraps his arms around me and pulls me close, and then I'm breaking down completely.
I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe my face is pressed against Levi's chest as I break down completely. It's all too much. I'm growing attached to some of these guys. Maybe Nico is right. Maybe I do have favorites, but I can't help if I'm comfortable with certain people. I can't help that certain people have allowed me to let down my walls. To relax and actually have fun. I can't help if I'm actually falling for some of these guys.
Levi's patient, continuing to hold me. He cups my head, holding me closer to him still. He makes quiet shushing noises in my ear, "It's okay. I didn't want to say anything because I knew you ask why and I didn't want you to know what he said—" he cuts himself off and I can feel him steady himself. "I'm sorry too."
"Why are you sorry?" I gasp as I pull away from him, looking up at him. I instantly regret it but I need him to see me when I tell him. "You defended me. You actually fought someone for me, you have nothing to be sorry for. If anything, you should want to leave, with the way I spoke to you..."
"Charlotte, you didn't know," Levi says with a bitter smile. He takes his hands from my waist and wipes the tears from my eyes. The move makes me melt against him, "How could you? I didn't say anything. I thought I was sparing you, but all I was doing was making you worry more, and that wasn't right of me. You were thrown into it. It's alright. I promise, it's alright."
A sob hiccups out of me and I close my eyes in relief. I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear those words until he said them. I want to sink back into him. I want his comfort right now. I don't know if it's right or if he feels the same way, but I just need him to hold me.
"Thank you, Levi," I whisper even though we're alone. "For everything." He pulls me to him, resting his head on top of mine and I smile into his chest.
"Anytime, princess," he murmurs into my hair but I feel it more in his chest. A shiver runs through my body and I hold him tighter.
Yes, this. This is exactly what I needed.