C H A R L O T T E
written by animationchic/aOK706
round seven ||
February 22nd
11:15am
I huff as I duck behind another barrier. I sigh and lean my head back against the tin wall as I hear paintball after paintball pelt the thin material. It's been like this all day. This random guy has made it his mission in life to just target me for what feels like no reason. The guys on my team haven't seemed to notice it though, so I can't actually be sure if he's doing it on purpose but as the twelfth paintball explodes against my barrier, it sure feels purposeful.
The sound of exploding paint falls silent for a moment and I take my chance, moving from the thin wall to a large cement tube, running into Nico as I finally get there.
"Ooof, sorry," I pant as I crouch down beside him.
He shoots me a smile, his teeth white against his dark camouflage. "No problem, Charlotte. Having fun out there?"
"You could say that," I pant looking down at my gear. I easily have twice the amount of splatters on me than him.
"Oh, Little Lady, come out!" a male voice calls out over the course and I can't help but roll my eyes. Really?
Nico chuckles. "Sounds like you've found yourself an admirer."
"Not exactly a wanted one though," I confide and sigh, looking around the safe spot I've made for myself so far. I just duck back to safety in time when a paintball splatters where my face just was. I prepare to move to the next cover when the whistle rings out across the field. I blow out a breath of relief. "Finally."
"Yeah, enough practice, let's get on with the real courses," Nico grins widely at me.
I can feel my eyes widen. "That was just practice?!"
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I blow out another breath of relief as Levi drops our first ball into our basket. I was not expecting paintball to be such an intense date. I guess I was picturing more of the paintball course from 10 Things I Hate About You. Instead, my brother booked us at a course that is reminding Levi of basic training.
I had mixed feelings when he told me that. On one hand, it was the first time Levi's ever talked to me about his time in the Coast Guard. On the other hand I can tell it wasn't all camaraderie and training camps. I want to know more but it doesn't feel like something I can just ask about. It feels like something I have to wait and hope Levi eventually trusts me enough to actually open up. I hope we get there one day.
In fact, the more I talk to Levi, the more I want to know.
I'm jolted out of my thoughts when Levi shoves a football at me. I shake my head. "I can't take that."
I can feel my eyes bugging at the prospect. I just know that if I even try I will be hit. Probably multiple times. By the same guy. But Levi gives me a small, teasing smile.
"Sure you can, princess," he tells me like it's simple, like it's so easy. Of course, he hasn't been targeted all day. But then he adds, "I'll cover you."
I glance up at him then as he suddenly stands, knocking out the other team member who just dropped their football in their basket. Something about the swiftness and confidence with which he takes out the other team members, I believe him. I hesitate for a moment though and Levi looks down at me. "Charlotte." I meet his eyes and there's an emotion there that I can't quite place. But soon I forget about it as he adds, "Go on, I'll protect you."
A jolt shoots through me at those words. I have people around me all the time whose job it is to protect me. I shouldn't doubt another one. But Levi is different. I don't pay him. He's offering to protect me... again. Like he did the night of the storm.
I take a deep breath and nod my head. "Okay."
I dart from my hiding place to the next, trying to make sure that any angle I'm open from is facing my teammates. I want this win. I want it so bad. I need to make it to the basket. Several shots hammer the canvas sheet I'm currently behind. Not the best hiding spot. It clearly shows my shadow but it was the next nearest thing and I'm just a yard or two away from the base of the stairs. I glance back at Levi, checking to see he's prepared for me to be out in the open. He nods once and I take off again.
The first set of stairs I try I pull back just in time as paintballs splatter the landing. I take a deep breath and trust Levi to have my back. I backtrack to another option: this set of stairs is steeper than the others, the steps spaced a little further apart. My legs shake as I take the stairs as fast as I can while not actually falling. Somehow, well, most likely all thanks to the cover from my teammates, I make it to the top. Worried I will drop the ball or be struck out, I rush my way to the basket and as soon as I drop the football into it, I feel like I can breathe again. I laugh lightly to myself, still panting and to the sound of cheers from my teammates I raise my arms in celebration briefly before heading back down to join my other teammates. That's when I hear it.
"Get her!" The shout comes from my left and before I can comprehend what's happening, a paintball slams into my left arm.
Did you know those suckers hurt when you're hit with them? Yeah, I really don't think Luc planned this date out well. I'm going to have to wear long sleeves and pants for the next week or cover myself with makeup to hide all the bruises I'm sure to have.
I sigh, not surprised to have been out and keep heading down the stairs. What I'm not expecting are the next two shots, one to each leg. I almost trip a step but am able to keep myself steady as I glance around looking to see exactly where Mega Jerk is lurking, but I can't find him. I can practically feel his laughter though and I know I'm right when yet another shot lands right where I was about to place my foot.
I can't help but let out a surprised yelp. At this point I'm almost used to being hit by the paintballs. But I'm not used to this level of him toying with me. I grit my teeth and am grateful for my mask as I finally hear my team return fire. I quickly make my way back to the can to tag back into the game. I really need this date to be over.
I almost feel guilty for the thought when I return to my team. They all give me high fives and Noah even hugs me in congratulations. They seem to be having a good time, even as they groan at the celebratory cheers from the other team as they drop another football into the basket. It's a tied game and all of a sudden, I have never wanted to win a game more than I do now.
Levi seems to sense my need for the game to just continue as he takes over, handing the football to Noah. Noah heads toward the raised platform, the football neatly tucked under his arm and we all notice the other team has also regrouped and is inching towards the nearest set of stairs. I find my tormentor in the shadows, waiting and I move forward, heading to a space where I can get a good shot off but also have cover.
He must see me coming because shots start coming my way. But this time I'm determined to return to fire. We banter with our shots as I continue moving but he has the advantage of being planted in one spot. He must play this a lot though because it feels like he's playing with me again, herding me to the spot he wants me in. Suddenly a shot hits the tin can in front of me, splattering perfectly across my mask so I'm blinded.
Startled, I lose my grip on my gun as I reflexively reach up to clear my vision. I sink back behind the wall I was just crouching behind and wipe frantically at my mask, trying to get the pink paint off of it. I pant to myself and am relieved to find Levi had followed my path. He nods once at me and I give him a small smile before taking a deep breath and reaching out into the open to retrieve my gun. I swear I practically know how this guy thinks at this point as I pull back just in time to avoid another hit as my gun is now splattered with paint.
"Charlotte, hold on," I hear Levi call out and I look over at him. "I'll get it," he tells me but I can tell he's not going to be able to. My gun is too out in the open, no way Mega Jerk lets him. Sure enough, I'm right when he tries but instantly retreats, shots ringing out around us.
"It's okay, Levi." I shake my head at him as he tries again. "It's almost over."
Please let it almost be over. I glance up and notice that Noah and Nico are still making progress. Mega Jerk doesn't let up but neither does Levi. He returns fire but it's pretty much a stalemate. Neither one is actually hitting the other and I know I need to get my gun. I reach out for mine once more and something in my gut tells me that this is the time Mega Jerk is successful and gets me out. Instead though, I feel Levi's hand wrap around my wrist and pull me forward, toward him.
I jerk forward, completely pulled off balance and fall forward into Levi. He tries to recover but isn't quite able to and the next thing I feel is out masks banging against each other. I chuckle as I look down into his mask.
"You saved me," I can't help but quirk my lips into a smile.
He huffs, "We still fell."
The words bring our ice skating date to mind and I can't help the smile that splits my face at the memory, "It was worth it."
I open my mouth, to say what, I don't know, when more shots ring out around us. I'm not really able to think as Levi flips us, covering my body with his. My heart breaks then for just a moment, thinking about how awful of a date choice this was for him. Then again, as he winces above me, I almost don't know who else I'd rather be here than him.
Mega Jerk must have found something else to distract him, because quickly the shots fall silent. I look up into Levi's mask and give him a small smile. "You didn't have to do that."
He didn't. I could have taken those shots. What's a few more bruises at this point? But something about the way he took them for me, without any thinking. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't read into it.
"I wanted to," he replies softly and I wonder at his words.
I don't get to dwell on it for too long though as cheering erupts from the other side of the course. Somehow, Noah and Nico were successful in sinking our last football into the basket, winning us the match. I chuckle as I take in their victory dance.
I glance back at Levi as he watches the other pair and it warms me that he seems as amused as I am. Maybe he's not as affected by this date as I thought.
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"Charlotte! Oh, Charlotte!" I don't know who told Mega Jerk my name but I am already so sick of this guy. I remind myself not to grind my teeth as Noah openly mocks him back. The guys all seem to think Mega Jerk is funny, but this guy is on my last nerve.
"Charlotte, watch this patch here," Nico whispers to me and I glance down at the large pile of twigs scattered about. I nod to Nico and hold my breath as I gently maneuver my way through the obstacle. Not for the first time, my dance has come in handy today. Nico holds out his hand to me as we cross the last bit of distance to the oversized tires, our only source of cover on this field. I take his help and sink below the sightline of the tire as one of the other team members makes a break for the flag.
We all shoot at once, each of us hitting him at least once. He lets loose a string of expletives and I smirk to myself, happy to know he's at least as frustrated by this outing as I am.
"Chill, Gray, there's a lady present," Mega Jerk mock chides his teammate and when we make eye contact he blows a kiss in my direction. I see red and in that moment I want to take a shot at him so badly but Nico beats me to it.
"You're not my type man, sorry," he says boldly as he takes his shot and misses. He drops down next to me muttering a soft, "Shit."
"It's okay," I tell Nico as Mega Jerk responds but I tune him out for now. I give Nico my best sympathetic look. "I'm starting to think he works here and has these courses memorized."
His lips quirk but I can tell he's still annoyed he missed his shot. He glances around and turns to me, his eyes serious. "Stay down and cover me if you can."
And before I can respond he's off— making a break for the flag. I growl in frustration that he just abandoned me like that but I cover him as best as I can. I do find some satisfaction when I nail Mega Jerk in the mask, giving Nico the last bit of time needed to get back to our base. As I pass Mega Jerk, I can't help but smirk, but the look in his eye brings me up short. Something tells me I'm going to regret that shot.
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Regret it I do as I crouch beside Levi, panting for my life. I lost count how many times I've had to return to base before getting back into play on the field and at this point now, I think I'm more paint than anything else.
"Come on, Charlotte," Mega Jerk taunts and I pray he loses track of me in the hustle. "Come out and play, Charlotte."
Gah, I am so over this. How many more games are there? And at what point does our guide just call this match a tie?
Mega Jerk's voice rattles around in my mind, circling and taunting me. Levi crouches beside me, taking shots when he can, but we're so pinned down, it's stupid. Finally, I take my chance, lifting my head, readying for another shot. Just as I do, a shot hits my mask line, just under it, actually hitting the side of my neck.
It takes all of my willpower not to yelp in pain, but it's useless. Mega Jerk mock pouts about the pain at me even as he takes another shot, hitting me in the elbow. I swear I don't feel it though. I'm too numb or too busy trying to catch my breath. Finally, I feel like I can breathe again and I rise to head back to the base... again. I'm not really sure what happened. I hear the mocking laughter and then a shot being taken. I prepared myself to be shot in the back, again. But instead of the hit, something worse happens.
I glance to my side to where Levi went down, a cry of pain on his lips. His gun at his feet and that's when I notice the look of intense pain on his face.
Instantly, I drop to my knees next to him. "Levi? Levi, talk to me. What is it?" Panic flares through me as he doesn't respond. Instead, he groans again and clutches at his right shoulder. "Levi?" I try again and this time his focus seems to be a bit steadier. So I ask him again, "What happened? What hurts?"
I fight the flush at my question but he just grunts in response. That's how I know it's bad, really bad. I swing my head around, looking for our guide, wanting to call the match off but the whistle beats me to it.
Levi moves to stand and it takes everything in my not to help him. One, he doesn't seem to want my help and two, I'm pretty sure I would crumble under his weight. Nico approaches, the victorious smile falling from his face as he takes in Levi's pained face and my panicked one.
"Hey, you alright?" Nico asks Levi, reaching out and gripping his shoulder. I open my mouth to stop him but I'm too late and I wince in sympathy pain.
"I think Levi really hurt his shoulder," I tell Nico a bit guiltily. I know what it's like to want to hide my pain, but I don't exactly think there's much point to it. It's not like he can continue on like this, not in this shape.
"I'm fine," Levi tries but his voice is gruff with pain.
It's almost fascinating seeing him like this. Laid bare with only his pain shadowing him but I think about what Abri would want me to do. She would want me to take care of her big brother. And as Levi steps forward, trying to start the next match, I know she'd want me to save him from himself even more.
"Levi, no," I hold my hand against his chest, stopping him in his tracks. I give him my most Abri look, realize it's being blocked by my mask and reach up lifting it. I look him square in the eyes so he knows I'm serious as I tell him, "You can't go on like this. You need to let me look at you. You— you may need ice or something." I turn to Nico and Noah. "You two go talk to our instructor. Tell him we have an injury. Maybe you guys can play three on three for the next match."
"Charlotte, no," Levi sighs in frustration or pain, I can't tell which. What I do know is he's being more stubborn than he needs to be as he removes my hand from him. Fine, he doesn't want me touching him. Too bad, I'm looking at that shoulder. Levi must sense my argument because he tries to convince me to go with Noah and Nico. "You go play, I'll be okay."
He absolutely will not. It takes everything in me not to snap at him. Or call his sister right now to put him in his place. Instead, I bring myself to my full height and put on my Princess Voice. I turn to Nico. "Go talk to the instructor. We're going to head back."
Nico and Noah each nod and murmur to Levi before jogging to reach the guide. I don't care what they're saying as I take Levi's left hand and pull him to the building we suited up in when we first got here. I glance around and am relieved when I spot the employees lounge. I turn to Levi.
"Sit, take off your gear," I tell him sternly, doing my best to channel as much authority as I can. "I'm going to try to find you some ice."
Levi doesn't say anything, just nods as I leave him. I can hear his hisses of pain as he takes off what gear he can and I hurry, relieved that the lounge has a fridge, stocked with a single ice pack in the freezer. Really, a place like this, I bet players get injured all the time. They really should have a better stock. I glance around, trying to find a towel to wrap the ice pack in but again, the facility is sorely lacking. Paper towels will have to do.
I return and am surprised to see how little progress Levi has actually made. He's just taking his mask off, having only released the clips to his chest piece, and I can still see the pain all over his face.
"Here," I say softly, moving to help him. "Let's get your sleeve rolled up." He glances up at me as we make slow, painful progress, but eventually we're there. Rolling his sleeve had an added bonus of creating a pocket to hold the ice pack so it rests flush against the shoulder in question. It's then that I see it.
Puckered and jagged, the scar is hidden among Levi's many tattoos, but it's still there. When you're looking for it, it's almost obvious. I gasp slightly when I see it. It looks painful and when I unthinkingly trace my fingers along it, Levi winces in pain. I feel a heat flood my cheeks as I jerk back, embarrassed I would just touch him like that without asking.
"I- I'm sorry," I whisper and replace my fingers with the ice pack. Levi grunts at the cold and I glance into his face, worried. "Does that help at all?"
"A little, yes, thanks," he says, his voice still a bit gruff and I contemplate if that means he's bluffing.
I look into his face and have to glance away, realizing just how close we're sitting. I shift a bit, still being sure to hold the ice pack to his shoulder. "How did this scar happen?"
I force myself not to wince because it's kind of obvious but Levi humors me and answers anyway, "A bullet."
I look up at him then, trying to weigh whether to ask the next question. I mean, it's so personal and obviously if it involved a bullet, it wasn't good. But my curiosity wins, "Can I... ask what happened?"
"Perks of being in the Coast Guard, I suppose," Levi lets out a wry chuckle and it sounds so much not like him, I deflate a little. I should have known that was too personal a question. But then Levi surprises me by continuing, "It never healed properly. I can't lift my shoulder completely anymore. When it happened, I waited too long to get it taken care of and when I did, it was with someone with very little experience. It was better than letting me bleed out though, so they did their best."
He shrugs like it's no big deal but I know it is. I keep forgetting how much Levi has gone through, how much he must have seen. I must seem so naive to him, so privileged. It takes me a moment to realize he's still looking at me so I try my best to lighten the mood, "Any more battle scars?"
"None that are visible," his words are said so softly and I instantly want to comfort him. I want to wrap my arms around him and shield him from the world. I want to know everything and then keep it all from hurting him. Because I know. I know with that sentence he must have gone through so much and then he came home and dealt with a whole lot more.
And that more than anything tells me what a good man he is.
I open my mouth, about to say something but we're interrupted. Another instructor comes in to check on us and offers Levi pain meds. By the time she digs them out of her purse the teams are back and Noah and Nico are surrounding us.
"How's our patient?" Noah asks, leaning on Levi's good shoulder and it takes everything in my not to snap at him to get off.
Instead, I put on my best smile. "He'll live."
"Good," Nico grunts and holds out his paint covered arms before draping them around me, adding, "Because we lost terribly and next time, you cannot get hurt."
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"Did you know that Levi was like, really in the military?" I ask Wynnie that night as I collapse onto my lounge.
Wynnie frowns at me. "It was in his file."
"But I mean, was like active duty, was shot and has a scar, in the military," I narrow my eyes looking up at the ceiling. "Besides you know I didn't read the files much. I wanted to get to know them for them, not what they wrote."
"I know you read his," Wynnie says softly.
"What?" I sit up straight, a panic shooting through me. Wynnie looks at me, wide eyed, a hint of panic lacing her expression but she says nothing. "Wynn, what is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," Wynnie tries. I give her a look and she sighs. "It just means that I know that you were given five provinces to choose your own Selected from. And I know that Calgary was one of them."
"I chose them blindly," I say but the lie niggles at the back of my mind. Sure, I mostly chose blindly. I closed my eyes and chose a file at random. For four of them. I can feel my heart rate pick up as I wait for Wynnie's response.
Wynnie just tilts her head. "Did you?"
"Yes," I insist. "I closed my eyes and picked a file from each of my five."
"Hmmm," Wynnie hums and I wait her out. I need her to believe this. As long as she does, then everyone else will too. No one needs to know about the one province I couldn't risk on chance. I still don't know why, but that one file felt so important at the time.
Finally, Wynnie shrugs. "I definitely did not blindly choose my provinces."
I exhale slowly, relief coursing through me. I lay back down on the lounge and close my eyes. I don't know why it's so important to me that everyone not know how much of a part I had to play in his choosing, I just do. And for now, it seems my secret is safe.
February 28th
3:45pm
I laugh lightly with Bard at Xander's green face. I reach out my hand, lightly resting it against his shoulder. "Xander, are you sure you're going to be okay?"
"Yeah," he pants. A look crosses his face and suddenly he's hunched over, taking deep breaths in and out. He nods and waves us away. "Can you— not be here for a moment? I'd rather you not see it if I get sick."
"Sure, buddy, we'll just head to the next ride, okay?" Bard pats Xanders back before walking away several yards.
"I feel really bad," I say as we continue on our way and Linus nods in agreement with me. I look at Linus. "Maybe I should have stayed and helped him?"
Linus shakes his head this time. "No, getting sick and being injured are two very different things. It would have just embarrassed him."
I feel a flush color my cheeks at the mention of Levi's shoulder. Of course Linus would know. He is Levi's roommate after all, but still. The thought of someone knowing... it's weird. Not bad, just weird.
"How is Levi's shoulder?" Bard rescues me and Linus perks up, happy to relay that Levi has been taking it easy and it seems much improved. I'm glad. I had noticed he wasn't nursing it as much at breakfast but I hadn't been able to talk to him about it since I insisted he see the in house physician. He'd been very grumpy at the time, insisting he knew how to care for it, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be sure he would be okay. He will be.
The line moves slowly for the next ride and as we move to the front, I notice that Xander is now sitting on the park bench across from us.
"Xander!" I call his name, waving him over.
Xander smiles and joins us in line. "Hey, I probably won't actually ride, but I'll wait with you all."
"Are you sure?" I ask him, concerned. "I can sit this one out with you, we can go get something for your stomach if you want."
"Nah." He shakes his head, smiling softly down at me. He drops his voice, "I know you've been looking forward to this ride all day. I can wait."
"Are you sure?" I ask him, torn. I have been looking forward to this ride. It's the newest one and features a double launch and the tightest drops in the park. It opened a couple of years ago but I've been too busy to come out and experience it myself. When Luc said one of the dates this week was to the amusement park, I made this ride my only priority. I just didn't realize Xander would pick up on my excitement for it.
"Of course—" Xander starts to say something but he's cut off by an angry voice on the other side of the chains.
"Hey! No cutting!" The voice is loud and booming and I glance over seeing a very red faced man standing there with two younger looking boys.
"Oh, hey man, I-I wasn't," Xander holds up his hands and tries to explain to the older gentleman but the guy is having none of it.
"Yes you are! You weren't there just a moment ago and my son said you climbed under the chains!" His face gets redder and redder as he speaks.
"Sir, really, he's just waiting—" I try to help the situation but again the older man cuts us off.
"Shut up, just because you live a privileged life doesn't mean you get to treat us like you're better than us." My stomach sinks. This man obviously knows who I am. I feel Bard shift next to me but it's no use. This guy is on a tirade. Soon he's shouting even louder, turning back to Xander, "Take your little whore and get out of line and let the rest of us just enjoy our days off. Just because her daddy is the king doesn't mean that she should just get whatever she wants. She serves us—"
He's still yelling but I'm too shocked to pay attention. My adrenaline is in high gear now as I feel Bard wrap an arm around me, pushing me down and under the chain but it's too late. Before either of us realize what's going on, the angry man is throwing something at us. That's when I run.
I don't stop to find out what it was. I don't stop to see who's following me. I just know that I need to get out. Out of the situation, out of the public eye, out of line. It's what I was taught.
I turn a corner and am relieved to see an employee only lounge. I know, I know, this guy was just ranting and raving about how entitled I act, but this is how I was taught. If things in public go badly, find the nearest employee only area. Most people won't think twice about going in there, knowing they're not supposed to be there. It's the perfect hiding spot.
I push open the door and am met with a face full of cool air and body odor. It's an employee locker room, stocked simply with a wall of lockers, a fridge and one of the most uncomfortable set of tables and chairs I have ever seen. But it's the perfect hiding spot. So I sit and I wait. And wait. And wait.
It feels like forever until the door bursts open and Bard comes storming in, his face a mask of duty.
"Oh my gosh, are you okay?" Linus asks as he follows closely behind Bard and I'm relieved to see Xander follow him into the locker room. All three look fine.
"Me? Of course, are you okay?" I ask even as I feel tears fill my eyes. Now that they're here and I know they're okay my adrenaline and emotions start to catch up with me. I look up at Bard and he nods once, telling me he's fine and then I look at the other two.
"Of course, we were just worried about you," Linus says as he pulls me in for a tight hug. He holds me for a moment before letting go and he looks me directly in the eye. "Are you sure you're okay?"
I nod, unable to say anything as Xander pulls me in for a hug next. It takes me a moment to control myself once more and I whisper into his chest, "I'm sorry I left you."
"No, you did what you were supposed to do," Xander says as he rubs my back. I nod, glad that he understands, that they all understand but it doesn't ease my guilt. Finally I pull away and just look at these three guys and then the bleak locker room around us.
I sigh. "Let's get out of here."
They each smile at me but each smile is laced with a hint of sadness, disappointment. Because they know I don't mean just the locker room. They know I mean to head home.
So we do.
March 3rd
9:55pm
I knock hesitantly at the door, a bit unsure. I bite my bottom lip, waiting and just hoping another Selected doesn't open their door and see me standing out here in the hall. After the phone call I just had, this conversation needs to happen. And it needs to happen before I chicken out.
I knock again, urging him to hurry up and just as I'm landing my last knock, Bard finally opens up. I take him in quickly, noticing the bags under his eyes and the light scruff lining his jaw.
"Charlotte?" His eyes go wide and he glances around behind me before meeting my eyes once more.
"Can we talk?" I ask, wringing my hands, anxious.
"Of course," Bard says as he steps aside, letting me into his room before shutting the door. Once he does he turns to me, confusion and concern color his every feature but I don't give him a chance to ask me what I'm doing in his room at ten o'clock at night.
"Do you want to be done with this?" I blurt out.
"What?" he asks me, confused.
"With this charade, do you want to be done?" I ask him, clarifying myself.
It takes him a moment and then he sighs, sinking onto his stool in front of a canvas he was clearly just working on. He sighs again and looks up at me, defeat on his face, "Captain Aiken called you, didn't he?"
"He shouldn't have had to," I tell him, crossing the room and sinking into the only other chair in here. I bury my face in my hands. "I am so so sorry, Bard. I have been such an awful friend—"
"Charlotte, what? No!" he exclaims as he crosses the room and sinks into a crouch in front of me. "What are you talking about?"
"I failed you," I whisper to him and I swear I hear his heart break.
"God, Charlotte, no." He stands and paces, running his hand through his already disheveled hair. "If anything, I'm the one who failed you."
"That's not true!" I stand now too, ready to argue with him but he cuts me off once more.
"It is," he says and I can hear the weight of the world in his words. "It is, and you know it. If I had been doing my job, if I had been doing it right, James never would have happened. That guy never would have happened at the amusement park. But I got lazy and I failed you. I am the one who should be sorry Charlotte, and I am. I am so so sorry."
"Bard, no," I say softly and I close the distance between us. I wrap my arms around him and whisper it again. "No."
"Charlotte—"
"No, now it's my turn to talk," I cut him off this time. He inhales to say something but glances down at me and nods instead. I point to the chair I was just sitting in and after a moment he finally sinks into it. I sigh again, watching my friend as he tries to hold the world on his shoulders.
"Bard, I asked you to do this because I trusted you. You and I have been friends for a long time and... well, I knew you wouldn't be attracted to the guys. So it felt like a smart option to have you pose as one of the Selected, have an inside guy, a guy on my side. And it has been so helpful.
"I can tell you don't believe me," I say at Bard's skeptic look. "But it's true. I have felt so much safer around these guys knowing that you've been around them first. I pretty much based my whole first round of eliminations based off of your opinion. I knew nothing was fool proof going into this. I knew there was always a risk. But people don't always show their true colors to just anyone. Things happen, but they are not your fault.
"And they're not my fault," I tell him and while I know he's still listening to me I can't tell if he believes me. It's the truth though so I continue, because I have more truths for him. "But what is my fault is that I didn't check in on you more. I didn't make sure you had a safe enough space to take off the mask and relax. I didn't give you real days off. And I let it continue on for too long."
"What do you mean? I said I would do this as long as you need," Bard says and I wish so badly I could read his thoughts because his face is giving nothing away.
"I know, and you have Bard, you have done your job," I tell him, this time I'm the one kneeling in front of him. I take his hand in mine. "You did your job. I think it's safe to be confident in these remaining men. I truly think they're the good ones. That's all I ever asked of you, right? To help me find the good ones?"
"Yeah, but—"
"But nothing. We did it, Bard. We found the good ones. We probably did a little while ago but—" I sigh and look up to the ceiling. "But I was being selfish."
"Charlotte, no," Bard tries to argue with me and I look at my friend.
"I was, Bard." I nod my head solemnly. "I couldn't think of how I would tell the others why we did what we did. Why I would ask that of you. It just seemed easier to keep up the ruse," I bite my lip before continuing, "I just didn't think about how it was only easier for me."
"Charlotte, really, I wanted to do this for you," Bard insists, taking my hands in his.
"And I so appreciate that, but I took advantage of that," I tell him, a sad smile on my face. "So, I am here to offer you an out. We can call off this whole charade and we can do it anyway you want. You can go back to being a guard, I will tell the guys why I asked you to go undercover for me. You can take a vacation, sometime for yourself, however long you'd like before coming back, or if you'd prefer a different posting— really anything you want, Bard. I asked this huge thing of you and it wasn't fair.
"You've taken care of me for this long," I tell him and then add in a whisper, "Now let me take care of you."
March 4th
10:32am
"Oh my gosh, I'm going to die," I say more to myself as I look down the huge zipline.
Apollo laughs next to me. "Weren't you just at the amusement park, riding all the biggest coasters?"
"Yeah, but those are safety checked," I argue as the adventure park guide, Marlie tightens my harness.
She looks up at me, her grin seeming almost sadistic as she blows her blonde hair out of her face. "Our equipment is safety checked every morning, Your Highness. I assure you, it's perfectly safe."
Apollo chuckles and I glower. "Yeah, well," I mumble more to myself than anyone else. "The amusement park is more than a single string keeping me from my death."
"Oh, come on, Charlotte, don't be such a baby," Apollo teases as he steps up to be the first one down the line.
I take a quick inhale, ready to snap back but Danil beats me to it.
"Now all of us have a death wish as our professional, chill, Apollo," he says it so calmly it makes me wonder if this is a common occurrence with Apollo. Danil flashes me a smile as he takes my hand and squeezes it. "I would offer to go down tandem," he tells me and then his smile turns a tad rueful. "But I hear it actually makes you go faster, so I'm not so sure that would make it much better for you."
I sigh. "Just do me a favor?"
"Anything." Danil grins at me.
"If I die," I tell him in mock seriousness, "Tell Luc that I'm haunting him forever and he'll never wake up in a dry bed again."
Then I step forward and let Marlie clip my harness to the death trap. I swear she gives me an extra hard shove and all I can hear the entire way down is my screams and Danil's laughter.
||||||||||
"Mind if I join you?" a male voice says as a mug of hot coffee is placed on the table next to me.
I glance up from my book and am a bit surprised to find Ambrose standing there, a mug of coffee in his other hand and a book under his arm.
"Uh, sure," I reposition myself so my legs are no longer thrown over the couch pillow and are instead in front of me, effectively clearing space for him to sit next to me on the couch. "Here you go."
Ambrose settles in next to me, leaning forward and placing his coffee on the table. I expect him to open his book when he sits back, but instead he pats his lap and looks at me expectantly. I give him a questioning look and he chuckles. "Throw your legs over," he laughs as my confused expression continues. "Come on, I know you had a rough day, a rough week. You deserve to be comfortable. Just because I took the place of your pillow, doesn't mean I don't make a good one."
"Um," I hum, a slight blush creeping up my cheeks, but I look up into Ambrose's patient eyes and roll my own. I sigh and throw my legs over his lap and we both laugh. "There, are you happy now?"
"Very." He laughs lightly as he pulls his book out from beside him. He gives me a couple of looks as I watch him, but eventually we settle in for the time being. I'm a few pages in when I notice something. He's running his fingers lightly up and down my calf, not quite tickling it but more giving it a light massage. I sigh and shift, unable to help myself. Ambrose smiles softly up at me. "Is this okay?"
"Yes," I giggle lightly and settle further into the position. We stay like that for I don't know how long. Long enough that I'm finally relaxed, most of my coffee's gone, and I'm a good third of the way further into my book, when we're interrupted.
"Oh, I was looking for your uncle," my father's booming voice says from above us.
I don't know when we got so relaxed but suddenly I realize it's not just my calves in Ambrose's lap, but my entire legs. At some point he's leaned more towards me and altogether it must be a very comfortable scene. But definitely not a position we want to be caught in by my father. We straighten, both of us trying to give an excuse but really there's nothing to say that would make this look more innocent. But my father doesn't mind.
"Nonsense." He waves us off. "I'm sorry I interrupted. Carry on, carry on."
And he... just leaves us.
I stare after my dad for a long moment before turning back to Ambrose, only to find him already watching me. The look in his eye... I don't actually know how to describe it but suddenly I want to stay and go all at the same time.
"I'm—" I clear my throat. All of a sudden my throat feels froggy and the need to flee overtakes me. "I'm just... going to head to bed. Um, thanks for the coffee. Goodnight."
I don't think I've ever left the library faster in my life, not even when we would have lessons in here and it was a friday. I'm just at the door when I hear Ambrose chuckle behind me, "Sweet dreams, Charlotte."
And I don't know why, but those words bring a blush to my cheeks all over again.
March 5th
4:00pm
"Surprise!" A chorus of voices cry out when Wynnie finally removes my blindfold. I can't help but be surprised as I look around the gathered group. Everyone is here, all sporting birthday hats and noisemakers. They're laughing and smiling and all seem to be dressed for the pool. I look to Wynnie and she grins as she explains, "The guys wanted to throw you a surprise birthday party."
"But my birthday was months ago," I say in confusion but their excitement is infectious.
"Yes, but we didn't really get to celebrate with you, and then we got busy with the start of the Selection," Quentin says with a shrug of his shoulders.
"So we thought, why not now?" Danil finishes for him and the two grin madly at me.
"I've never had a pool party before," I muse as I look around the party.
"Well, now you can check it off of your bucket list," Nico chuckles, draping his arm around my shoulders. I shift just slightly, unsure if I'm fully comfortable with how familiar he's been with me the last couple of weeks. I know rationally he's not acting much different than Ambrose or Danil or Levi, but it still feels... different.
"Okay boys, let's let Charlotte go get changed and then we can all play a pool game or something, yeah?" Henley says loudly, stepping up to my side and linking arms with me. I smile at my best friend as she leads me away, not even letting anyone form a protest. Once we're out of earshot she leans down and whispers, "You better be quick. I am ready for some of these shirts to come off."
"Henley! You know I'm actually dating all of them right?" I jokingly chide her but she laughs with me.
"Girl, you cannot tell me you are just as excited by the prospect," she challenges, watching me for a reaction. I remain silent and her grin grows. "I knew it. Now if you would just tell me your favorites, I could help."
"No, after Luc's 'help' with these last set of dates, I do not need any help." I shake my head and motion to my arm where a large bruise sits uncovered. Luckily I hadn't bothered hiding my bruises today, it would have been a complete waste.
"You let your brother plan your dates, I really think you're the one at fault here, hun." Henley hip checks me into the changing room. "Now for real, hurry up, Charlotte. Your harem awaits and trust me, they have been waiting to see you in a bathing suit."
Oh no. I hadn't even thought about that. Suddenly, I feel kind of sick.
||||||||||
"You have to hit it from the bottom, like this," Levi says, demonstrating how to properly "set" the volleyball. He tosses it into the air and gives the ball a gentle looking push with his fingertips and then catches it again. I nod to show that I understand and he grins. "Good. Now ideally another teammate will be right there to spike it. It's important to remember that the same player can't touch the ball twice in a row. So I can bump it, you set it and then I can spike, but I can't bump and set the ball while you spike. Make sense?"
I nod again and his smile widens. He's pleased I'm listening, learning something from him and I'm pleased too. Levi's a really good teacher and the other guys have been really good sports about letting me rotate in and then taking the time to explain to me.
"Okay, I think she gets it," Ambrose says from the other side of the net, his tone slightly harder than before when he was talking to me over cake. I glance up at him and he softens a bit. "I mean, she'll never actually learn to play if she never plays."
"Fair enough," Levi says. He tosses the ball to the back of the court, to where Linus is waiting to serve. Just before Linus puts the ball in play, Levi moves me into the right position. He looks at me and smiles. "Okay princess, I'll bump it, you set it and then back up so I can hit it over the net, deal?"
"Deal," I nod and turn. Levi snorts and readjusts me so I'm facing the opposite team before moving off to my left. And then we're off.
The guys really should have left me on the sidelines. I do absolutely nothing to help their game as I fail time and again to properly do anything with the volleyball. The water slowing my movement doesn't help and honestly, I should not be this close to the net. I'm too short. But they keep up the encouragement and good spirits, even as we lose miserably.
"I told you, you didn't want me to play," I tease Levi as we move to the edge of the pool.
"Eh, there's always next time," Levi shrugs as he lifts himself out of the pool. I can't help but watch him as he pushes himself up and out of the pool, his muscles flexing. As his muscles flex so do his tattoos and I realize this isn't the first time I've seen him shirtless, but it is the first time I've been able to see all of his tattoos. Well, almost all of them. The ones covering his chest and stomach are larger and somehow more intricate than even those on his arms. They make a face and I want so badly to ask the story behind it.
"Charlotte?"
I feel my cheeks heat as I'm pulled from my thoughts. And I spin, finding several of the guys from the other team standing there.
"Yeah?" I ask, clearing my throat. I take a few, water-slowed, steps towards Kais, Xander, Ellis, and Nico.
"Up for some Marco Polo?" Nico grins. I laugh and nod, not surprised at all that he wants to continue playing games.
But the game doesn't last long. Marco Polo isn't as fun when you can't use the entire pool, and I cannot use the entire pool. Soon enough the game ends. Ellis and Kais wander to go get more drinks. I go to follow them but Nico holds me back. We chat for a little while, about nothing in particular, drifting along as we talk. It's nice for once, relaxing. Maybe it's all the games we've been playing or the alcohol but Nico is actually relaxed for once. It's a nice side of him to see.
We drift out into the deep end. I can no longer reach the bottom of the pool, but I think nothing of it. I tread water as we continue to talk and for the first time in two weeks, I feel almost completely relaxed. Xander drifts over on a pool floaty, accidentally coming in between Nico and me.
"Xander, where did you find a unicorn floaty?" I laugh good naturedly as I shove the thing in the opposite direction.
"Isn't it the coolest find? When Danil told me we were going full princess on this party, I knew we had to get this," Xander laughs as he slips from the floaty, shoving it to the other side of the pool. He chuckles as he glances around. "Bet you never had a princess themed party before, huh?"
"No I can't say I ever have," I laugh as I glance around the pool area, taking in the decor and admit, "It is pretty perfect."
"Well, I'm glad you like it," Xander grins at me and leans against the side of the pool.
I open my mouth to say something but at that moment I feel something latch onto my ankle and tug, hard. Before I can understand what is happening, I'm under the water and everything is going haywire in my mind. Panic has seized me. I know I need to reach the top, I need to breathe, but I can't. It's like no matter how hard I try, I can't get any upward movement. I can't seem to figure out how to get there, how to save myself. I'm stuck like a weight, sinking further from the surface as I claw at the water desperate for that breath of air. My heart pounds, sounding more like a bass drum in my head. I can feel a pressure sink into my head, causing a pain I've never felt. I try again to claw my way upward but my body continues to fail me.
I'm still panicking when I feel an arm wrap around my waist. I'm pulled through the water against a body and suddenly we're going up. It doesn't take long to break the surface but it also seems to take way too long. As soon as my head breaks the water, I'm inhaling. Inhaling and coughing and choking up the water that seemed so intent on taking me down.
I'm relieved that my savior doesn't let me go. Instead I'm dragged to the shallow end of the pool, coughing up water all the way. I'm still gasping and catching my breath when we finally reach the steps. I don't stop though. I keep going, desperate to just be on solid, dry ground. My savior comes with me, climbing out of the pool at my side and I don't realize I'm shivering until he wraps me tightly in an oversized towel.
I don't meet his gaze but I catch glimpses of tattooed hands and something in me is completely unsurprised that Levi is the one to come to my rescue. Tears well in my eyes and I blink them rapidly suddenly aware of how quiet the area suddenly is. Then we're moving.
I don't know whose idea it was to leave the pool area. It doesn't matter. I'm just so grateful that I'm getting away, that I can hide and cry in solitude. Because I need to cry. This was too much. These past two weeks were so much and then I almost die? Really? I know how to swim. How do I almost drown in my own pool with twenty other people around me? How does only one person notice I'm in distress?
I hear the door click and that's all the signal my body needs. Body wracking sobs tear from me. I almost can't control myself and it kills me knowing that he's still there. No way Levi didn't follow me. In fact I know he did as he wraps an arm around me once more and herds me through another door that he closes behind us. Sobs continue to force their way out of me and it's so so hard to breathe. I wish it would stop. My chest already hurts so much. The panic has already done a number on my body and now this... but I just can't stop. I sink to the floor, leaning against the wall for support. I curl myself over my knees, trying to make myself as small as possible.
I feel Levi wrap his arms around me, pulling me close and it almost makes it worse. How is he still here? How is he not running for the hills? No guy wants to stick around for a girl who is completely losing her shit. Especially not over an incident in the pool she grew up in.
But he's still here.
I wrap my arms around his waist, grateful for his warmth, for his steadiness. For him. It takes me a moment to calm down enough to realize not only is he holding me, he's talking me through this.
"It's okay, princess. You're okay. I got you," he whispers against my hair and I can't help it. I melt.
I gasp back the sob, trying to pull myself back together. "I'm- I'm sorry."
"No," he breathes, surprised and almost horrified at my apology. "Charlotte, no, you have nothing to apologize for." He pulls back and looks down at me and I fight the urge to bury my head in his chest, to hide. Then he asks, "Are you okay?"
My breathing shudders again, stumbling over itself, like my lungs have forgotten how to work properly. I try to paste on a smile, a brave face. I try to nod but he knows. I can see it in his eyes. I'm not okay. So instead of lying, like I do every other time, I tell the truth.
"No," I whisper and even then my voice breaks a little. "These- These entire two weeks have been s-so long and so s-stressful," I gasp as more tears stream down my cheeks and I squeeze my arms around Levi. I take a deep breath and try to gather myself. "I'm sorry- I shouldn't be crying on you."
"Charlotte," Levi chuckles and his hand runs up and down my back. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I think you're warranted a cry on me. That was a lot and I'm sure being dragged under the water didn't help anything."
"I can swim," I insist, almost more to myself than him but for the first time, breathing isn't quite as hard. Good. Maybe my body can get back to normal after all.
"I know," Levi nods, understanding me completely. Because of course he does. "But you weren't expecting it. That's not your fault."
I fall silent for a moment at his acknowledgement. I never realized how validating it would be to have someone recognize this. Searching for something to say to lighten the mood I mutter, "I never thought that would be how I would go."
"Please, don't say that," Levi's hold on me tightens and I know I've said the wrong thing. His tone is sad and panicked and it's not something I've heard from him before. "Some people do go that way and—"
My chest clenches as I realize what his tone means. He's seen it. He's seen people drown before and the fact that I— I mean, I don't know that I wouldn't have been able to get to the surface but it had felt like I was going. It had felt like something or someone was holding me down. A shiver runs through my body at the thought.
"No, you're right," I whisper as I let him hold me. It feels so nice to be held. "I'm sorry." We sit there for a moment, silence settling over us but it's a comfortable silence. It's nice. A shiver runs through my body, the cold in the room sinking into me, making me realize that I am still very much only in a swimsuit.
"Thank you, Levi," I whisper into the silence. I know I'm being quiet but this moment feels so loud.
"Of course," I feel his words in his chest as murmurs them into my hair. I sink further into him for a moment, enjoying his warmth before I pull back a bit.
"No, seriously, I—" I swallow, my emotions welling up once more. I look up into Levi's face, "You keep saving me."
"And I'm more than happy to, Charlotte," Levi says heavily, looking down at me and a flutter runs in my chest.
"Really?" I ask and I've never felt more like a child.
"Really," he says and he seems sincere. And that settles me. It makes me feel better, less like a child and more like a woman.
I bite my lip, realizing something then. I like him. I really like him. I glance up at Levi and realize he's looking at my lips too. He leans closer to me, angling down towards me and with a flutter in my chest, I lean towards him too. I hold my breath for a moment as we get ever closer. Then I realize what's about to happen. We're about to kiss and my body lights up with excitement.
But then he pulls away.
My eyes fly open and I am so confused. I can do nothing but watch as he pulls further away, shutting down his emotions. Why? Did I do something wrong? Does he not actually like me? I open my mouth to ask him one of the many questions spiraling in my mind when the door swings open and my father enters the room.
Nerves course through me at the sight of my father and when he meets my eyes I can feel the anger and frustration coursing through him. I disentangle myself from Levi and shift, putting some distance between us.
"Levi," my father's voice fills the room and I almost jump at his tone. When he turns to Levi I can see the anger there and I deflate a bit inside. "You may leave us. I need to speak with my daughter, privately."
The words are an order and this angers me. Who is he to speak to Levi like that? Levi just saved me, again. He doesn't deserve to be spoken to like that. I stand up and as soon as Levi leaves, I take a defensive stance against my father.
"What do you think you're doing?" my father growls, storming up to me. The anger coursing through his every word is extremely evident. "You are the Crown Princess, you cannot afford this kind of reputation!"
"What are you talking about?" I ask him, confused. I drop my defensive stance, so confused.
"You cannot afford to be caught alone with that boy! And what happened to not being alone! Charlotte, I told you, after James—"
"You didn't care about my being alone with Ambrose the other night," I tell my father, crossing my arms. I narrow my eyes. He cannot be telling me—
"That was different." He waves his hand at me.
"How?" I ask him.
My dad stops and looks at me, surprised. "How what?"
I sigh, looking at my father, the angry one now. "How is it different? I was still alone with a boy, what makes Ambrose so different?"
"He's just different," he tries and I narrow my eyes. Dad sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I know Ambrose. He's taken the time to get to know us, he's a good man."
"He is a good man," I nod, agreeing. But then I shift the conversation on my father, "But so is Levi. Dad, if you just took the time to get to know him, you would see that."
"That boy isn't right for you." He shakes his head. "I should have made you send him home week one."
"It's not for you to decide!" I yell, shocking both of us. He recovers first, opening his mouth to argue with me but I don't let him. "Dad, stop! I'm tired of this. This is my life. Whoever I choose to love and spend the rest of my life with, it's for me to choose. I don't need you dictating who I send home and who I don't!"
"You are not just looking for a husband here," my dad reminds me and I close my eyes, sighing.
"I know! But I didn't choose who I am! I wasn't supposed to have to be in this position, but now I am. And I have to make the right decision for myself," I tell him.
"I'm not going to let you ruin everything for the wrong boy, Charlotte. I'm sorry, but I can't. He is not appropriate, I never should have let him through the doors," Dad says but his voice isn't as loud.
"What am I ruining?" I ask him, actually offended. "I'm ruining nothing."
"You're ruining your reputation, our family's reputation!" he bellows, getting angry again.
"I didn't ruin our reputation," I whisper as I glare at him. "You did. Hellie might have hurt it by running away, but you ruined it by making it necessary for her to run away and by doing nothing about it since. So you want to talk to me about reputation? Look in the mirror first."
I'm shaking as I leave the room and I refuse to look at my father. I'm ashamed by his words, that he would think less of Levi for whatever reason he's concocted. I'm ashamed that I threw his greatest failure back in his face. But it needed to be said.
In the end, I need to do this on my own. This is my decision to make. Who I love and spend my life with... that's for me to decide. I can't let anyone else decide this for me and the thought that he would take that choice from me and just have refused to let someone into the palace? Something in me revolts at the idea and I find I can't stand it.
I bite my lip as I make my way back to my room. The party's over for me. I need silence and to relax and destress. And I need to think. I really, really need to think.
Only one thought circles my brain as I start the shower. One thing that nags and nags at me. I frown to myself as I glance up at myself in the mirror, the shower steam fills the bathroom around me.
I should let it go. I shouldn't dwell on it, but something inside of me just won't. I mean, I thought everything was going well. I thought maybe he was feeling the same things as I was.
But if that were true, if he was, then why did he pull back?