Don't open my phone yet...?
There was something different in Deku's voice—something raw, something worried, something—god, maybe even panicked. But now, his phone was burning a hole in his pocket, and Katsuki wasn't sure he wanted to look after just hearing that ominous tone.
"Deku, what's—"
"We're getting off at a different stop," Deku said, clearly trying to keep himself as calm as possible. "U.A.'s going to be safer for you, even if it's a bit further away than Ochako and Kirishima's place. Do you have a jacket? A hat? I guess it's good that it's raining because not as many people will be out, so—"
"What the hell is going on!?"
For as much as Deku's rambling was starting to freak him out, nothing was worse than the utter silence that followed.
"Everything... e-everything's gonna be okay," his boyfriend finally said, less convincing than Katsuki had ever heard him before. "I'll take care of it, it's fine, s'just—fuck, I-I..."
Wait... no, don't tell me...
"Th-This just speeds things up a little! I-I mean, I was gonna give it another day or two, but I guess we can just take care of it now, s-so..."
Katsuki swallowed back the cold, awful nerves eating at his stomach, and pulled out his phone as Deku kept rambling, rambling on. The cell service was shitty as hell, but after a moment or two of waiting for whatever it was to load—texts, calls, notifications—it spasmed in his hand, message after message after message still flooding in.
...you're kidding me, right?
Deku might've made some sort of panicked warning sound. Might've tried to stop him, tried to tell him not to open it, tried to do something, anything bar grabbing the phone from his hand himself.
"Kacchan, it's..."
Katsuki didn't hear whatever it was he said next. All he could do was stare—stare, stare, stare and hope that he was still napping, that this was some sort of cruel nightmare instead of cold, bitter reality.
This is... oh, god, this is...
But looking back at him from every link his friends and acquaintances had sent him, looking at the emails U.A.'s staff had sent him only conjured up the same image and same headline over and over again.
"...at. At the train station this morning." His mouth went dry, each word lead in his throat. "I-I didn't think... I mean, you only kissed me for a couple seconds, it—it shouldn't have..."
The grainy photo in front of him told no lies, though. Bleak skies, gray concrete, low light—and yet, there was no way it could be anything but—
Us. Together. Kissing.
A part of Katsuki wanted to cry. Scream. Shout to the world his frustrations and hope it'd answer back with more than hollow words of senseless comfort.
The other part, though, was numb.
"...m'sorry," came the voice beside him, tissue-paper thin. "I... we—we just need to get through this next day or so, 'kay?"
He's... is he crying? No, not yet, not yet...
"Yeah. Okay," he said, with the most mechanical nod he could muster. "Okay."
It was still raining—he'd napped through a decent amount of the storm, always a heavy sleeper—but now, the roaring cadence of it against the train window was the only thing drowning out the nausea broiling in his stomach.
I... this isn't real, it's...
Deku's hand was on his leg. One squeeze, then another.
"Let's, ah... let's just talk about what we're going to do when we get closer, alright?"
Let me forget about why we're having to do this.
But Deku's weight was right there, right against his body, and his other arm came up to wrap around Katsuki's shoulders like some sort of shield. And for as much as his boyfriend's voice was shaking, as much as he was forcing every movement of his to be still and calm, Katsuki knew it had to be so, so incredibly hard for him. But that only made the truth of the matter more vivid, because after all...
He's trying to stay strong for me, isn't he?
"So," Deku started, fumbling. "S-So, there's a stop about ten minutes before the one we were originally going to get off at, and another five minutes after that. I-It's a bit further from U.A. than I'd like, but I think it's our best option."
Katsuki nodded blankly, trying his best to even process the bare minimum.
It's our anniversary, and his birthday... we were supposed to go back to his place.
Right now, all he wanted to do was slam his fist through a wall and then cry for a few hours in solitude. It wasn't fair—none of this was fair, not to him, not to Deku, and yet—
"I-I think we'll be best off if you exit at the ten minute stop," Deku continued, too steady for the situation at hand. "The main goal is to get you back to U.A. safely, so being further from where the media may be will help your chances. Don't let anyone stop you, don't let anyone talk to you, and try your best to stay away from the cameras."
Wait... "You're making it sound like you're not coming with me," Katsuki said, confused.
Deku squeezed his leg again, shook his head. "Because I'm not."
...oh.
"It'll be safer for me to get off at the next stop, the one five minutes after yours," he explained. "At worst, I can climb up to the rooftops and get to Ochako's and Kirishima's place from there, so don't worry about me. Okay?"
He nodded again. Doing much else was too hard.
"We've got about half an hour before we reach your stop, and before we get there..." Deku pointed towards his phone, finger just barely trembling. "It'd be best if you could get one of your friends to meet you there. Tell them to bring a jacket you can throw on, and keep your head down and get on the train back as fast as you can."
Get a friend to meet me there... hide on the train back... make my way to U.A. as fast as possible.
Katsuki wanted to throw up.
All around them, the rain was still coming down, down, and Katsuki contemplated for a moment if he'd be better off jumping out of the train and making a run for it.
They saw us. They know about us. Everybody... everybody knows about us.
Since talking to Deku the week before about what had been going on at school, he'd let his friends and Aizawa in as well, and things had become slightly more bearable. It'd been easier to shut the voices off, to pay no mind to the ignorant words and cruel comments. They weren't right, none of them were, but now...
They'll just keep getting louder now, won't they?
He didn't like going to Deku for help if he thought he could handle it himself—this time, though, Katsuki was staring at a dead end and legitimately had no idea what to do.
Stay calm. Staying calm comes first, he reminded himself. I can't afford to panic right now.
"...Kacchan?"
No panicking. No panicking.
"Hey, Kacchan, are you—"
"M'fine." Katsuki sucked in a breath, muffling his screaming soul for just a little longer. "You said text someone, right?"
He didn't wait for an answer and instead opened his phone again, trying to wipe the glaring headlines from his memory and shove that damn picture of them down, down the drain. Texting someone was fine. Texting someone was easy. So many people had already sent messages to him, after all, so why was this any different?
[Camie] holy shit babe have you seen the news???? hope ur doin okay, and ill order your fav for dinner if youre coming back here tonight
[Yaoyorozu] Katsuki, are you doing alright? I hope you haven't had to see that terrible article so many times already... let me know if you need anything, okay? I'm here for you.
[Todoroki] i know you can take care of yourself, but if anyone gives you shit for all this, im going to light their ass on fire.
[Todoroki] (the "all this" was referring to you and midoriya. and that article.)
But for as kind as their words were, just being reminded of what was going on was enough to make him feel worse. Opening up their group chat and trying to think up a coherent question was almost enough to push him past his limit, much less attempting to comprehend the whole of the situation they'd been thrown in.
What do I even say...?
"Katsuki, do you need some—"
"I've got this," he bit out, trying to convince himself of it more than anyone else. And to his relief, Deku didn't push. Heavy thumbs hit the keyboard—once, twice, three times—in the hope that something at least partly legible would come out of it.
"Deku, which station is it?"
"A-Ah, Platform Nine, right off of Fence Avenue."
"And you said we'll get there in...?"
"...about twenty-five minutes, now."
Right. Right. It'll be fine.
Katsuki stared at the message for a long moment, barely reading the words he'd thrown onto the screen before working up the courage to hit send.
Gonna be fine. Gonna be fine.
The train kept moving, and a part of him couldn't help but envy how blissfully unaware their ride was as it rumbled, rumbled on. If nothing else, the thunder and lightning had calmed down, leaving only wind and rain to throttle the sturdy windows.
"Just treat this like a mission, okay?" Deku said, and squeezed his shoulder. "You've got your objective, and we just need to call in a little backup!"
"Like a mission," Katsuki repeated, as if it held the answer to something. "R-Right. Yeah. Just a mission."
If nothing else, that line of thinking helped him to separate the whole situation from himself to some degree. But his phone buzzed in his lap not a moment later, and as much as he wanted to ignore it, he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Katsuki forced himself to open it again, ignoring every bullshit notification that wasn't from his immediate friend group.
"Oh..." he bit his lip, still staring at the group chat. "They're, uh, coming."
"Wait. More than one person?"
"Yeah, it looks like, uh..." Katsuki's eyes went wide. "All of 'em. Camie, Yaoyorozu, Todoroki—they all responded, said they're on the way."
Thank god. Oh, thank god.
"That's good, that's good," Deku said, "So you should be in good shape going back, then?"
He nodded.
Deku smiled a little, kissed the top of Katsuki's head. "You've got some great friends. Seriously."
"Pfft, no shit," he mumbled, and forced some fake, hollow smile back. "They ain't assholes. They're good company. They..." Katsuki trailed off, one glance at Deku's face reminding him that he really was lucky in comparison. "They're—they're good to me."
Around them, the air fell quiet again, and the rain morphed into a steady drizzle the closer they got to the station. Deku checked the weather again fifteen minutes later after nothing but small words and gentle touches to report that the worst of the system had passed—with any luck, it'd still be strong enough to provide some level of cover and deterrence to the press when they arrived.
"How much longer?" Katsuki asked, numb tension curling tighter in his stomach the longer they sat there. "Friends said they were about five minutes out from the rendezvous point."
Mission terms. Mission terms. That's easier to understand than anything else right now.
"Ah, looks like... uh, six or seven minutes out." Deku murmured, one hand around Katsuki's shoulders as the other held his phone in what appeared to be a death grip. "Timing looks like it's gonna work out, so hopefully you won't have to wait around by yourself for long."
"Mm. Yeah."
Get to the next point. Move to the next goal.
"O-Oh, also," Deku stuttered, clearly trying to not let the nerves get to him too. "Will you text me when you get on the train back and confirm the arrival time with me? I'm going to have Ochako and Kirishima keep a distant eye on it in case something happens."
In case something happens to the train. 'Cause something... something could happen to it.
He grunted in some form of acknowledgement. All they had left to do was wait—normally, his boyfriend was a chatterbox, filling the space with sound even if it wasn't anymore more than inaudible mumblings and observations.
Now, he was dead silent.
Now, Katsuki wished the thunder and lightning would return again.
Now—
"It's the next stop," Deku finally said, voice completely unreadable. "Are your friends there yet?"
"A-Ah, looks like they're close," he relayed, only giving his phone the barest of glances. "You're gonna text me when you get to your—uh, Uravity and Red Riot's place, right?"
"Absolutely. I might have to snag some dry clothes off them when I get there, hah..." Deku's face fell again as he tried to force a laugh, that wall Katsuki hated to see struggling to stay up. "We're going to come up with a plan for tomorrow for sure, but just remember who all you've got backing you up too, right?"
My friends, my family, U.A.'s staff, and Deku... no, I'm alone. Not this time. Not ever.
The train slowed, stilled—and just before it stopped, Deku kissed him again.
"For good luck," he said. "Not that you'll need it."
Beside them, the doors slid open, and Katsuki could only yell one last stay safe as he ran out of the train and under the cover of the station. Gray clouds, gray concrete, gray skies; nothing to help and nothing to hurt. Nobody else, save a couple other people who had gotten off at that stop were at the station right now—not that that was much of a surprise, considering it was the last stop of the day and the train was only sparsely filled to begin with. But even with the clear non-threat, Katsuki couldn't help the heavy chill crawling along his spine as he searched for his friends.
Where are they, where are they...
Not against the wall, not anywhere in the open platform. Aside from a small, strange group of people to his left and the stragglers from the train to his right, there was—
"Hey!"
Huh?
"Hey, over here!"
That group of people had started waving. Katsuki wasn't sure if it was reporters or stalkers or whoever else in casual clothes, though, so he started walking faster in the other direction with the hope that he'd run into his friends on the way back. Had he told them the wrong station? Did they go to the wrong location? Worry was settling deeper in his stomach, and Katsuki began to resign himself to getting back to U.A. without them.
Come on, guys...! Shit, this is important!
"Over here!" came the eerily familiar voices again. "Come on, over here!"
What the hell is that group—
All of a sudden, a warm, heavy hand grabbed his shoulder, and Katsuki wheeled around and punched the fucker that'd touched him before he even bothered to look at their face.
"Fuck off!" He screamed, and broke into a sprint. "Leave me the hell alone!"
Gotta get to the train. Don't have time to find my friends. I can't afford to—
Something cold, hard, and familiar materialized just beneath his feet, and in a split second, he realized what was going on.
"Katsuki," Todoroki whispered, "Over here."
The ice around his feet melted away, and Katsuki grabbed the hand reaching out to him. Todoroki still didn't appear too happy about being punched in the stomach, but didn't look like he was about to hold it against him. Speaking of appearances, though—some weird wig of sorts had been shoved over Todoroki's too-distinct hair, coupled with a shirt he'd never seen him in before.
What's going...
"Didn't mean to surprise you like that," Todoroki apologized. "That said, I forgot how hard you punch. Even unaimed, that was enough to throw me off for a few seconds." He shook his head. "Glad you didn't start running off, though. That would've added a whole new set of problems."
"I-I mean—it was just, you look—" Katsuki stumbled, trailing off as Camie and Yaoyorozu walked into his field of view. "...wait. Are these supposed to be disguises?"
"Yep!" Camie announced, her hair tied up in a strange manner and looking like some fashionable businesswoman of sorts. Beside her, Yaoyorozu had adorned herself in an wine-red dress, hair wavy and flowing over her shoulders. "We figured that it'd be better than a group of well-known U.A. students walking the streets at night! So c'mon, babe!" Camie threw an arm around his shoulders and steered him towards the shitty station bathrooms. "Let's get you fixed up a little, too!"
He was still shaken up, but allowed Camie to drag him into the bathroom with little resistance. Every inch of him was screaming to go home, go home, but this idea of theirs, admittedly, wasn't bad. Especially when the disguises were being provided from Yaoyorozu, who had set aside her desire to buy goods honestly in favor of helping a friend.
I was fairly recognizable before, and now... shit, don't think about it.
"Let's just throw a little gel in your hair, flatten it out... oh, that doesn't look like it'll stay for long.
"Just give me a hat," he mumbled, shoulders hunched forward. "It'll be easier."
Nonetheless, they slicked his hair down the sides of his head before shoving a baseball cap on top of it, and gave him a jersey to match.
"You can like, pretend you're all sad cause the game you were gonna go to got rained out!" Camie explained. "Gives you a reason to look all mopey, too!"
...ah.
"How about glasses?"
"Ooh, that'd be nice on him..."
"Sneakers instead of those loafers?"
"Yes, definitely!"
Last of all, they gave him a pair of plain, brown contacts. He put them in without a word, but staring at the man looking back at him in the mirror only made the pit in his stomach grow heavier.
I shouldn't... I shouldn't have to...
"Katsuki?" Yaoyorozu asked. "You look a little pale, are you—"
"Let's go." Katsuki bit his lip, cutting off the almost inevitable are you okay question. "Don't have time to be standing around."
He rubbed his eyes as he walked out the bathroom door, and told himself that they were only watering because of the contacts.
The train station to the school was only a few minutes' walk away. People were beginning to crowd the streets again as the rain thinned out, but with it already being close to nine, the dim light helped to hide them anyways. Katuski slunk along in the middle of the group—not because he wanted to, but because his friends refused to go anywhere else. He wasn't someone who needed to be protected, not at all, but when they passed by a window full of TVs broadcasting the latest news, all he could do was stop and stare.
No... no, don't tell me, are they...
Two newscasters were talking, and displayed behind him was that photo—that photo—of him and Deku kissing.
"...disappointing. So, so disappointing." One of the newscasters shook his head. "Valiant has been doing just fine in regards to his actual victories aside from a few slip ups, but to see him attempting to seduce a student before he has the opportunity to step onto the hero scene himself?"
It was raining again.
"It's absolutely disgusting. But, they'll get what they deserve—after all, Bakugou Katsuki is bound to fail as soon as he gets out of high school if the rumors about Valiant helping him cheat his way to the top are true."
"Baku, I think we should keep going." Camie urged.
"And who knows how long they've been together?" The other newscaster questioned. "Looking back at the records state that Valiant's debut involved Bakugou's rescue, which could mean they've had this horrific relationship since Bakugou was in middle school."
"...Katsuki?" Yaoyorozu said. "The station is just ahead, let's keep going."
"Valiant is a stain on the name of Pro Heroes—though his agency has made no official statement on the matter, much less himself, it'd be a miracle if anyone can still hold any ounce of respect for him after this." The first newscaster scoffed.
"Katsuki, we should go." Todoroki grabbed his shoulder. "Don't watch. Don't listen to them."
"A part of me feels for Bakugou," Fake sympathy creased the newscaster's face. "At his age, it would be difficult to stop a famous Pro Hero from coming onto him. But he's let himself be wrapped up in this game, and if he ever had the intent to go pro, showing how vulnerable he is right from the start is a bad omen for any future of his."
He didn't remember running to the alleyway right next to the store, nor throwing up in an already disgusting pile of trash.
"We're going to get on the train, okay?"
He didn't remember sitting down, nor his friends forming some sort of protective stance around him again.
"Hey, it's the next stop. U.A.'s almost here."
He didn't remember getting off the train and walking back through the school gates, oblivious to the stares and jeering pointedly aimed in his direction.
"Sit down, babe... shh, it's gonna be okay, we'll get you some water and food. Anything you want in particular?"
"Actually, we should get him something easy on his stomach—it may just be from stress, but I think he's actually getting sick."
They brought him food. Katsuki couldn't force himself to eat.
It could've been a minute or an hour that passed, a day or a week. That damn broadcast was playing in his head on loop, and with each poisonous word, the few defenses he'd managed to pull together were crumbling, crumbling down. He could deal with schoolyard bullies, he could deal with sword-sharp looks, but to hear someone declare to the whole country that he was nothing but a fraud and that his boyfriend was a freak?
What the hell is wrong with us loving each other? Why does everyone care in the first place!?
Right now, he should've been in Deku's apartment. At his kitchen counter. In his bed. It was their damn anniversary, his boyfriend's fucking birthday, and after the highs and lows of meeting his mom earlier, they'd earned a goddamn break.
Wait. Deku. Fuck. I told him I'd text him, didn't I?
Katsuki forced himself to sit up and pull out his long-since-silenced phone, only to see a flurry of worried texts from Deku at the top of his screen. He was supposed to have messaged him when he got on the train—with a curse, he realized that he'd probably scared the shit out of him by failing on that promise, too. All he could type out was a short im home, srry for not texting earlier before shutting his phone off again and shoving the worst of his thoughts to the deepest corners of his mind. He couldn't let himself break now, couldn't stop fighting, couldn't—
"Katsuki, look at me."
...Todo—
"Katsuki." Todoroki sat down on his bed next to him and shook his head. "It's been an hour since we got back, and you've done nothing but lay here."
"I'm allowed to lay here," Katsuki mumbled, and pulled his legs to his chest. "F-Fuck, what else am I 'sposed to do?"
"Eat, for one." Todoroki raised an eyebrow. "Drink. Shower. Call Midoriya."
I really should call him back... god, I wish he was here right now. I wish he hadn't had to split up back there.
"Did you hear me?"
"O-Oh, uh... yeah," he said, but couldn't find it in him to meet Todoroki's eyes. "Really don't wanna leave my room right now, I... I-I feel like shit."
Don't wanna see anyone. Don't wanna have a breakdown in the bathroom. Don't wanna... god, I don't wanna leave!
"Why do you think I'm telling you to go do this stuff?" Todoroki pushed, steely eyes burning into his skin. "Do you really think that moping around is going to help?"
"I mean, it's—"
"You mean what?" came the retort, just as firm as everything else. "Don't you remember what we've been telling each other for years? That we're not going to accept each other's bullshit?"
Katsuki fell silent, unable to do much of anything in response.
"Look, I..." Todoroki hesitated, "I don't have the right words. I don't feel what you're feeling, because I can't. But I do know that letting yourself believe the garbage people say about the both of you isn't the sort of thing you'd ever be okay with. You know the truth about all this, don't you?"
Of course we do, but...
"S'not like knowing the truth is gonna help," he said, holding back tears for the tenth time that day. "We've both known the truth since day one, but it's not like we're the ones they're asking...! I-I was kinda confused when Deku said he was gonna go public about it himself, but I think... I think I get it now. It'd be easier that way."
"But he didn't have the chance to."
"...yeah."
Quiet, again, but the silence didn't feel as crushing as before.
"How about this," Todoroki started after a moment, "I'll go check the showers and see if anyone else is in there right now. Would that be—"
"I don't understand why the hell you're trying to get me to do this. Can't I just rest?" Katsuki asked, more a plea than a question. "I'll eat in the morning." Maybe. "I'll shower tomorrow." Maybe. "I'll—I'll go to class tomorrow."
I won't. I won't. I won't.
His limbs were still stiff, still shaking from that god-awful train ride, and he hadn't even bothered to peel off his shitty disguise since he'd walked through his door. Gel caked his hair, the contacts were starting to irritate his eyes, and the clothes were uncomfortable and unfamiliar against his skin. Maybe a shower was a good idea in theory, but even the thought of leaving his room was enough to make him nauseous again.
"That's not—no, that's not what I'm trying to say you should do." Todoroki ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "I think you'd start feeling better if you at least try to retain some sense of normalcy. Rotting away in your bed isn't going to help, and I know Midoriya is going to need you at least somewhat mentally there for the next few days. I... I think there's a time and a place to crash, and now isn't it."
A time and a place...
He really did feel disgusting.
"...where did Camie 'n Momo go?" he asked instead, trying to divert the conversation.
"Left half an hour ago to go study. Camie was struggling with the latest history lesson and wanted some extra help, considering exams are next week." Todoroki pursed his lips. "I told them I'd stay with you."
Oh.
Katsuki's toes curled into his sheets, and his dulled mind realized that he'd had to wash them after laying in them while dirty. Now, not even his own bed felt like comfort.
Should I... fuck, I really should. I should. He's right.
He bit his lip, and tried his best to settle the nerves welling in his stomach. "...could you check the bathroom for me?"
Getting help isn't weakness. Needing help isn't weakness.
To his relief, Todoroki nodded almost immediately—got up, and made sure to shut the door behind him on the way out. No one would bother him in the main parts of the dormitory, hopefully; if nothing else, nobody in his homeroom had said anything to his face about the rumors in the past. And right now, he didn't think anyone else in the building would dare to approach him while he looked like he'd just dragged himself out of a dumpster.
In the back of his mind, Katsuki wished that he could wake up in the morning and find that all of this was just some cruel, twisted nightmare. He still didn't know how anyone had even seen them kiss—Deku had checked the area right before, and Katsuki had scanned it all upon arrival. Realistically, he figured it could have been taken with the help of any quirk or specialty item; maybe a stealth quirk, the fault of a camera that could see miles, or even a hijack of the station security cameras. Not that the cause mattered much, not when everything had already made its way onto the news and weaved its way into every headline and discussion segment around.
Katsuki wasn't one for murder, but the thought of wringing out the necks of those goddamn newscasters and reporters was one of the few things able to put his mind at ease. The heat of anger was better than sickening grief, and if it was spite and defiance that got him the energy to take care of himself, then so be it.
I gotta... gotta show that I'm okay, that this isn't going to beat me down.
Theory was one thing. Practice was another.
The knock at his door shouldn't have startled him so much, though. Every muscle in his body was coiled and ready to spring at a moment's notice, just as it'd been when he got off the train. Had he known it was Todoroki approaching him then, his friend probably wouldn't have wound up with a fist to the stomach.
But he opened the door to welcome his friend back inside with an equal mix of thankfulness and fear when he told him that the bathrooms were indeed, empty. No excuses now—not doing the bare minimum to take care of himself would only hurt him later.
I can't let myself believe them. I can't—god, it's so hard, but I can't let them believe that I'm some fake...!
That wasn't to say he didn't check every corner before going down the halls, and he definitely walked a little faster than usual through them.
I can't let it get to me. I don't have time for this to get to me!
He slammed the stall door and checked the lock three times before jamming the bottle of shampoo in his hand and scrubbing it into his hair with a fury. That gel needed to leave, the dirt and the rain needed to come out, and everything—even the last few touches that Deku had left on him—had to be washed off, washed off. The warmth of the water was some relief after being stuck in the midst of filthy rain, but somehow, it still didn't feel as if the searing burns from those watching eyes had faded. Katsuki wished his paranoia would disappear after feeling a bit better in his own skin, but even making the short trip from the shower to his room had his every nerve standing on end.
It's fine. I'm fine. I made it back safe, I'm clean, and...
Katsuki didn't let himself breathe until he was back in his room with the door shut tight behind him. Todoroki was still there, but aside from that, it was as empty as he'd left it.
Nobody else is gonna see anything. I'm safe here. It's just my room, dammit...!
"Do you think that helped at all?" Todoroki asked, only honesty in his intentions. "You look a little more alive, if nothing else."
"If 'more alive' means I'm a zombie instead of a fucking corpse, sure." Katsuki managed a weak scoff and crawled back in his bed. "You gonna stick around?"
"I don't mind, if you want me to."
If... if I want him to.
Katsuki swallowed back his pride, nodded. "I, uh. I think I'd like that."
I don't wanna be alone right now. I really, really don't wanna be alone.
"Well, if that's the case, then I want to see you get something in your stomach before you assume the fetal position again." Todoroki raised an eyebrow. "We've got bread. Water. Other things, if you'd like. But I saw you throw up on the way here, and I know you're only going to get sicker if you don't eat."
"I ain't sick," he grumbled, pulling his comforter up over his legs.
"Not yet, but keeping this up isn't going to help your chances."
Teeth grazed his lip, and with a small, short sigh, Katsuki relented and reached for the water. It was fine, but all it reminded him of was drizzling rain and droplets hanging on dirty windows just in front of TVs spewing lies, lies, lies.
He swapped the water for bread shortly after that realization.
Just have to get through today. Tonight. Tomorrow, he tried to tell himself. It's just the media. I know it's all a lie. Just because everyone knows doesn't mean we're screwed, right?
"Tomorrow's... Monday," he said, half to himself. "I know exams are next week, but did we have any quizzes this week?"
Give me something else to think about, even if it's schoolwork.
"No quizzes, but there's extra study sessions being held by Aizawa on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday after class," Todoroki confirmed. "Think you'll go?"
"I should. I'll try."
Just talking to Todoroki like this was okay. Small comments, quips, but no forced laughter—maybe neither of them could forget the situation at hand, but it could be pushed aside for a little while.
"By the way, did Midoriya make any indication he was going to call you tonight?" came the next question, not even ten minutes later. "I don't know him that well, but he seems like the talkative type. I'd be surprised if he didn't want to reach out to you."
"He probably wants to," Katsuki admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "I... I should call him back. I should."
I want to hear his voice.
"Then why do you sound so scared?" Todoroki tilted his head, apparently unable to comprehend his hesitation. "I'm sure he wants to help and get things resolved as easily as possible, so why would this be an issue?"
"It's not an issue with him, it's—"
"Does the media really scare you that much?"
Huh?
Katsuki's mouth went dry as he tried to comprehend what he'd just suggested. "I-I'm not scared, it's not that, I'm..."
I'm fucking terrified.
When he couldn't come up with an answer, Todoroki tried again. "I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen?"
"Oh, there's a lot of shit that could happen." He grit out, the pressure in his head building, building, building. "A whole lotta shit."
There's too many voices. Too many faces.
"All you're telling me are vague assumptions, though." Todoroki frowned. "Honestly, Katsuki, what's the worst that could happen?"
Worry seeded itself in his stomach, tight and cold. "The worst?" He almost laughed, more out of sheer misery than anything else. "I-I mean, Deku's reputation is going even further down the shitter. Mine's gonna be next. F-Fuck, I dunno if I'm even gonna be able to land a job after graduation if they keep this shit up, because everyone's fucking convinced that I'm—t-that I'm a goddamn failure, some fake, a-and I..."
I'm not sleeping with him to get ahead. I'm not just his bitch. I'm not... no, I'm not, I'm not—!
"I'm tired," his voice cracked, trembling like a leaf in the wind. "I'm so fucking tired. Why is it too much to just wanna love my goddamn boyfriend?"
He was glad the bread had been easy on his stomach, because all the pained dizziness was coming back in a heavy wave.
Don't wanna think about this. Don't wanna deal with this. I just want it to all go away.
"...is it really just your reputation that you care about?" Todoroki said, pulling him from his thoughts. "Since when have you cared what people thought about you?"
Since when have I... "It's—I-I dunno, it just feels different when it feels like the whole country is watching." Katsuki pulled his knees to his chest. "I don't care, I know I'm strong, but when everyone's saying that I'm not..."
When people talk shit about you for so long, you either start believing them or stop caring.
Deku's words came back to him in a rush, and for the first time all day, Katsuki realized just what he'd meant.
Stop... caring?
"You're strong," Todoroki pressed, leaning in close. "Do their words make you any less strong?"
Do their words...? "I-I mean, no," he said, heart thumping in his chest. "I've been training my ass off for years, and I know I'm a good hero. But I mean, it still might hurt my chances with getting a job if people don't think they can actually trust me."
"Who's employing you, the media?" His friend scoffed. "No. Think about it—the people who are employing pro heroes are the ones who recognize strength. And if any agency is really just looking to bring you on board because of the amount of money you can make them, maybe that's a shitty place to work in the first place."
He has a point...
"I guess that's true," Katsuki mumbled, still unable to meet his eyes. "But us being together so publicly also makes each other targets for villains. I mean, I've already gotten attacked once for it. I'm sure it'll happen again. I don't wanna be a weakness for Deku just 'cause I'm his boyfriend."
"Don't you trust his strength, too?" Another question, another. "I think he accepted you being a so-called weakness after the first time you were attacked. But didn't you guys work that all out? About you both respecting each other's strength? If he's attacked, wouldn't he be able to fend it off?"
...oh.
"Yeah, you're right," he said again, unable to object to those questions. "Deku's strong. So strong. And I am too, so... we should be able to fight off whatever comes our way."
It was nearly impossible to calm his racing heart, but despite the sweat beading on his forehead, a little more clarity had started to lighten the situation than before.
"So what's the problem, Katsuki?" One last push. "Really, what's the problem? If you're able to work through the publicity, is anything going to be able to stop you two?"
No.
"No," he said, as if he'd had some epiphany. "No, no, we're... fuck, we've been through too much shit to let something like this get to us. We're both strong as hell."
And we both fucking care about each other, too.
An honest smile lit up Todoroki's face, and in that light, Katsuki could feel his own burdens start to crumble away.
"So call him, okay?" Todoroki pat him on the shoulder. "I'm here if you want me. Camie and Momo and the school staff are here if you need it, too. You should know I'm not a liar, Katsuki," his friend's hand tightened. "And I know that you two will make it through this, and everything else you put your minds to."
Yeah... yeah, we're...!
"I told him I was gonna stand by his side. Be his partner. All that crap," Katsuki swallowed. "I'm not going back on that promise, either."
Not going back. Not on this, of all things!
And with one last reassurance, Todoroki left the room. That wasn't to say his fears died away—the shadows spilling over his dimly lit room and the corners he couldn't see behind all could've been hiding terrible secrets, after all. But turning his phone back on wasn't as nerve-wracking, and though guilt gnawed at his stomach for ignoring Deku's texts about getting in contact, he hoped his boyfriend would have a little sympathy for him right now. A few new messages sat in his notifications, and with a small, less-nervous touch, he opened them.
[Deku] ahhh good, im glad you got home safe
[Deku] i still need to talk to you though
[Deku] ive been discussing options with kiri and ochako. think we have an idea
[Deku] i wanna talk to you about it before i do anything, though
[Deku] call me when you see this. i hope youre feeling okay, baby
Well. If nothing else, he was more okay than before. Katsuki left no more time for hesitation, though, and pushed the call button before he could think twice.
"Kacchan?" came the worried voice on the other end before the call even had time to ring once. "Oh, thank god, I was getting afraid that you'd gone to sleep already. A-Ah, um, how are you? You did get home unscathed, right? Find your friends easily? Shower? Have dinner? Shit, sorry for all the questions, I just—"
"Yes, yes, yes, and yes." Katsuki replied, the familiar cadence of his boyfriend's rambling enough to put him at ease. "I—I'd be lying if I said I was feeling okay, but... could be worse, I guess." He paused. "You?"
"Ah, well... by the sounds of it, about the same." There was a low chatter in the background, as if someone was talking in the room beside him. "Got rained on running over here, but they let me borrow their shower, made me dinner, gave me some clothes to borrow... aha, Kirishima and Ochako are too kind. I'm hoping to be back in my apartment by tomorrow night, but they're letting me crash on their couch until it's safe to go home."
"That's, uh... nice of them."
"Yeah! I mean, the circumstances could be better, but it's better than holing up in a shitty hotel." Deku sighed. "If you saw my texts, you probably already know, but we've been talking a lot about next steps. I don't want to drag this out any longer than we need to, and I doubt you want to either. Right?"
Katsuki nodded before remembering Deku couldn't see him. "Yeah. Right."
"...A-Aha, yeah. So, um..." he heard a weak, stilted laugh from the other end, as if Deku was clinging onto his last bit of strength too. "I—well, we called a news station earlier. Now that things have gone public, they were willing to accept my request without much debate, and so... I-I'm, uh, gonna go do a live interview. The goal is to try and pull the attention onto myself instead of you without them twisting my words. I-If I go up there, 'come clean,' and talk a bit about some stuff, then I'm hoping they'll forget about you and just come after me instead."
What!? "W-Wait, Deku—"
"It's fine! It's fine, it's... fine." His boyfriend stuttered, obviously not fine at all. "I mean, I've kinda come to expect it at this point. It'll happen, and it'll suck, but then it'll be over! A-Ah, hopefully."
Katsuki couldn't do anything but sit in a stunned silence, dumbstruck by the fact that his boyfriend was willing to put himself in a horribly uncomfortable situation in an attempt to bail him out.
"It's gonna happen tomorrow evening. I'm gonna write up some prep stuff, make sure my agency is aware of everything, try to sleep... maybe." The nerves were only rising more and more in Deku's voice, and Katsuki couldn't help but worry. "A-Anyways, um... if you wanna come to the studio, you're more than welcome to. I'll give you the details, and you definitely don't have too, bu—"
"I'll be there," he said, the words out of his mouth before he even realized it himself. "I... I'm not going to let you go up there alone if you're doing all this on my fucking behalf, okay?"
"...what? Wait, you're not going to be in the interview, it's just—"
"Not in it, but I can watch you?" Katsuki asked, not sure where his small drive had come from. "Would that be okay?"
Would that be okay? Would it?
"K-Kacchan..." his boyfriend's voice cracked a little. "Fuck, I... I-I didn't think you'd say yes."
Is he—
"M'not crying. Can't cry yet." Deku answered, just before Katsuki could even ask. "But, um... you being there would help. A lot. A-And you can bring your friends if you wanna, Kirishima and Ochako are coming with me, so it's not like I'll be alone if you'd be more comfortable at home... b-but, yeah. I would... I'd definitely feel a lot better if you were there."
"I'll be there." Careful, so careful and certain for the first time that night. "I'd feel better knowing you were at least within reach."
His boyfriend let out some sort of muffled sob on his end, followed only by a barely-audible you're the best, baby.
I miss him. I wanna hold him. I wanna kiss him and touch him and make us both feel better.
The call soon fell quiet, the both of them clearly trying to recover from that sudden rush of information. Deku would be doing an interview the next day, Katsuki would be going with him, and with any luck, talking about their relationship themselves would calm the rumors down. He wasn't certain what Deku's plan was, but whatever he'd come up with had to be at least marginally better than Katsuki's desire to send an explosion towards each news station in town and shut them up that way.
I'll see him soon. I will.
Katsuki got up, turned off the light, then put in his headphones and let himself curl up under his comforter while still listening to the faint sound of Deku's slightly-steady breathing.
"We... we're going to be okay," his boyfriend repeated, as if he was trying to convince himself of that too. "We're going to be okay. Things are going to be okay."
"Yeah, yeah... they are," Katsuki said, and sighed into his pillow. "I still hate this, though."
"...I know."
"I love you."
"I—I know. I love you too."
Deku cleared his throat, and by the sound of it, was lying down too. "Hey, so... would you wanna go back to that onsen again? Or take another hiking trip?"
...huh?
"Both, at some point," he mumbled, not sure what Deku was getting at. "Those trips were fun."
"I thought so too. So, how about this."
How about—?
"Next weekend, after your exams, how about we go up to the onsen for a few days?" Deku proposed. "Just us, the water, the room..."
What? "Next weekend?"
"Yeah!" Deku said, his enthusiasm absolutely honest. "You're not in the middle of an internship right now either, so escaping for a couple days shouldn't hurt."
Katsuki closed his eyes, let himself imagine that the blanket around him was Deku's arms or the warm water of that perfect onsen. "I guess you're right."
"Aha, yeah... gives us something to look forward to."
Quiet, again. But as his body finally began to relax, one silly, stupid question came to mind.
"...Deku?"
"Mhm?"
His voice dipped, and he wasn't sure if Deku would even be able to hear him at such a low volume. "Would you, uh.. stay on the call with me tonight?"
There was a soft chuckle from the other end. "Like, while we sleep?"
"Yeah...." Katsuki murmured. "I wanna spend the rest of our anniversary together. A-And, uh... just knowing that you're there makes me feel a little better."
Deku laughed again, but seemed to be slipping into sleep himself. "Aha, okay. I like that idea too."
With the dark shielding him, and the gentle rhythm of Deku's voice in his ear, Katsuki felt as if the rest of the world had faded away.
It's just us. Only us. There's no reason to worry for now.
"M'gonna sleep," he said, words as light as the tiniest star in the sky. "G'night, Deku."
"Goodnight, Kacchan," his boyfriend echoed. "I love you... love you so much."
"Love you too, you sap."
"Mm, says the one that wanted to sleep on call together."
All he could do was smile.
"Fair enough." Warmth ran from his fingers to his toes. "S'okay. I don't mind sap."
"Aha, yeah... I figured. Or you would've left a long time ago, wouldn't you?"
"No...!" He protested. "If it's you, it's... s'different."
"Different, huh? Guess I could say the same about you."
God, I wanna kiss you.
"Love you," Katsuki said instead, taking what he could get.
He could practically envision Deku's awkward, beautiful, perfect smile tucked against his rumpled pillow.
"Love you too, Kacchan. Love you too."
We'll be okay.
There were more hushed whispers, more sweet words running through static phone speakers, and more I love yous and good nights alongside every other midnight murmur.
As long as we have each other, we...
A blanket of stars cradled him, and slowly, slowly, Katsuki was rocked into a dreamless sleep.
We can do anything.