Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.
Katsuki was trying his best to convince himself that the sound was just a part of his dreams. Something he could shake off, shut away, deal with later.
I'm tired. Go away.
But his phone kept ringing, kept buzzing, and all he could do was bury his head into his pillow and hope it'd stop.
Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.
Really, though, it was past one in the afternoon, and on this day in particular– New Year's Eve– Katsuki knew that his friends had crafted plans of some sort for them. But, god.
Don't wanna move right now, don't wanna go anywhere right now, and I really, really don't wanna talk to anyone right now.
Some of the grounchiness was simply due to early-morning crabbiness, not helped by his oversleeping during winter break thus far. Yeah, yeah, his friends just wanted to plan something fun, but...
I only got back home late last night... I'm tired as shit.
They'd only left the ryokan around noon the day before, and on the ride back, Deku had suggested getting dinner and heading over to his place for a bit. And after having one of the best getaways of his life, Katsuki had found himself hard-pressed to turn down a little more. Last night had been dim lights, warm water, warm bodies, and of course, his boyfriend, looking sexier than Katsuki had ever remembered seeing him before. The brief continuation they'd had at Deku's place had been filled with much of the same, too– intense makeouts, not-so-innocent feeling-up, and low, suggestive whispers that'd only drawn them closer, closer. It'd been amazing. Incredible. Sensual– almost overwhelmingly so. Katsuki could still hardly believe that they'd done all of that, gotten so close for the night and so far away from all the worries holding them back. But something still nagged at the back of his mind. No matter how good last night had felt, it'd been more like—
Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.
"Holy shit, why won't you just...!" Katsuki hissed at his phone, but finally grabbed and shoved it against his ear if for no other reason than to shut the damn thing off. "Camie, I swear to god—"
"...uh, Kacchan?"
O-Oh.
"Shoot, sorry, did I wake you up?" Deku's voice dipped to a worried wobble, near bordering on panic. "Ah, my bad, I—"
"S'fine, it's fine." Katsuki sighed, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes. "Did you need something?"
"Oh, ah..." His boyfriend paused. "Well, I just, uh... wanted to ask how you were feeling. That's, um, that's all. If that's okay."
When Katsuki didn't immediately reply, Deku continued. "Just cause like, it's pretty normal to wanna see how someone's doing after a trip like we had? I-I don't wanna be pushy, but I noticed you seemed a bit off for a while, and I—"
"I'm fine." I know why he's asking, but... "Promise. Kinda, uh, sore. But that's all."
"Sore?"
"You fucked my neck up, Deku." Katsuki mumbled, yet couldn't stop the slight tingle of thrill down his spine. "I haven't gotten to look in a mirror yet, but you bet your ass I feel it."
"...o-oh. Well, ah... you looked really hot last night. When you let me, uh. Do that."
He sounds so much more nervous than he did before... guess I'm not the only one, huh?
"Wanna see what it looks like?"
"Oh my god, yes."
At the very least, they weren't on the topic of I was worried about you anymore. And Katsuki knew bringing up the physical aspect of their relationship would be a fairly effective way to shut things up right now.
"Lemme hang up, I'll send you a picture." He said, and to his relief, Deku didn't object. But only as he forced himself to sit up and roll out of bed did he actually realize how damn sore he was. His neck, chest, and the insides of his thighs had gotten plenty of attention, and for as much as he'd enjoyed being on the receiving end, nothing could've prepared him for how it'd feel after all was said and done.
Not that I, uh... really mind. S'kinda nice. To know that he still wants me this way after that goddamn argument even though we can't seem to talk about that shit without going at each other's throats.
Katsuki hadn't told his friends much about what happened after he and Deku had finally started talking again after the argument. He knew Camie was dying to know, knew that Momo was a little worried, knew that Todoroki was wanting more of an answer from his less-than-subtle comments and questions.
Did you guys make up?
Kinda.
How was that date you went on?
S'fine.
Was your training session last night good?
Would've been if he was willing to fight back.
The only information he'd let them in on about the ryokan trip was that it was out of town, about an hour away, and that they'd be alone together. Yet even with just that little information, they wouldn't shut up about him possibly 'getting some, for once.' Maybe he wanted sex, maybe he wanted intimacy, but what he wanted above everything else was simply some sort of resolution.
It feels like we're both trying to avoid it. Neither of us want to yell again. I don't wanna fight him, and he doesn't wanna fight me, and...
The onsen had been the easy option. Did it help? Maybe. Did it fix?
Katsuki pulled his shirt up and over his head before stepping in the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and stared.
God, no.
Had it been hot? Yeah. There wasn't a bit of room for doubt there. Katsuki could see and viscerally feel every bit of Deku on him, solid proof that he wasn't just there as some throwaway toy. He knew that each one of those damn bruises matting his throat, collarbones, and chest came from a place of genuine want, and knew that Deku wasn't the type of person to be intimate with just anyone.
It was special, for sure. Super special.
And it's the biggest goddamn distraction we could've had.
His phone trembled as he held it up to get a picture of his chest, but Katsuki took care to make sure his face was cropped out enough so that his boyfriend wouldn't have to see just how miserable he felt about it now, too.
It was good. It was. But it was just...
Katsuki shoved away the thoughts, sent the picture to Deku, and tried not to think too hard about how he really felt about the situation.
[Katsuki] nice, huh?
There was hardly a second before Deku is typing popped up on the screen again.
[Deku] oh m
[Deku] oh my god
[Deku] holy shit no wonder you're sore
[Deku] it doesnt hurt too bad does it???
He bit his lip, still more than a little irritated that Deku hadn't answered the basic question he'd asked, and instead reverted back to the same-old, same-old mantra of worry, worry, worry.
[Katsuki] I wouldn't have asked for more if I couldn't take it, yknow
[Deku] i mean i. I know that but
[Deku] aha wow
[Deku] sorry just a sec i. gotta run to the bathroo
For a moment, he was confused– but only for a moment, as right in that message lay the answer as to just how Deku felt about him right now.
[Katsuki] you know, you don't have to act like you're not getting off to that
To me.
All he got in response, though, was silence. Anticipation. And at that point, there was no doubt that once again, his boyfriend had cast aside the potential beginnings of an argument for something a little more physical.
But it is easier, right...? If we stopped worrying so much about everything else, if we just focused on the making out and the touching and feeling and quit caring about the other shit going on, then we'd be happier, right? Maybe?
Katsuki looked up in the mirror again, stared at the now-purple bruises, and yet, couldn't summon a single bit of the passionate lust he'd been consumed with during the trip.
It's easier, but it's...
[Deku] kacchan!!
[Deku] look i mean its just
[Deku] hard to uh. not get hard. when i look at you and just see all of me on you you know?
[Deku] shit im sorry if that sounds weird but uh after this weekend i feel like uh
[Deku] i mean
[Deku] does it. um. bother you?
He didn't have to think long about that question, at least.
[Katsuki] doesn't bother me
[Katsuki] not like like I'm much better anyways
It would be useless to pretend like his Valiant-themed dildo wasn't hiding in his nightstand drawers right now, and denying all the times he'd gotten off while staring at gaudy pictures of Deku in torn hero gear or in that goddamn pinup photoshoot would be a crime.
[Deku] ...oh. thats um
[Deku] i guess shouldnt be that surprised but uh. wow
[Deku] if you want i could maybe ah
[Deku] send you some decent pictures later...?
Katsuki's throat went dry from some combination of surprise at his boyfriend's forwardness, excitement at the prospect of getting personal photos– more like lewds, really, and the fact that it'd be so easy, so easy, so simple to just go ahead, get off, and move on.
It's... not like this kind of stuff isn't fun, but I'm so tired of remembering that damn argument every time I see his face.
Typing out his next reply wasn't as easy as the first few.
[Katsuki] if u want
But there was some sort of strange silence that followed this time, and when his phone finally did go off several minutes later, Katsuki almost didn't wanna look.
Don't wanna see his gorgeous face. Don't wanna see his perfect body. Don't wanna see—
[Deku] hey, um
[Deku] kacchan, can i call you again?
That was... different.
[Deku] im sorry, i really dont wanna push but im just
[Deku] youre worrying me a bit
[Deku] i know. i know you hate it when i say that
[Deku] but its just
[Deku] something feels off and i dont know what!
[Deku] i dont know if i screwed up over the weekend. if i went too far or something. i dont know if youre really feeling okay. youre just
[Deku] not saying anything
[Deku] and i know, i know you dont have to but i
[Deku] i.
[Deku] are you really happy, kacchan?
Every nerve froze on end as he stared at that last message and read it over, over, over again.
Am I... happy?
He'd been happy over the weekend– he'd been happy when Deku was crawling over him, making him feel good, treating him right– and he'd been happy to take care of Deku when he needed it, too. But in those minutes post-orgasm, right as he'd hit the pavement after falling from cloud nine, something else had made itself crystal-clear to him.
I... don't wanna think about this too much right now. It's early, and I'm tired, and I've got shit to do with other people today, and...
[Katsuki] i'm fine
[Katsuki] sorry for worrying you
[Katsuki] can't call rn friends wanna go out
[Katsuki] tonight?
Untruths were better than lies, but Katsuki hated making the excuse to begin with.
[Deku] im taking the night shift tonight. wont be home until at least 6 am. new years eve means i have to stay longer cause people like to do stupid shit on holidays
[Deku] but if you really cant talk right now or you just dont wanna hear me any more then i get it. its fine.
[Deku] ill check my schedule and see if i can get another day or two free while you're on break
[Deku] please text me if you wanna make plans. or wanna talk. or just. wanna do anything really
[Deku] ill do my best to not keep you waiting
[Deku] have fun with your friends
[Deku] i really, really enjoyed spending this weekend with you, kacchan.
[Deku] and im sorry if i did something wrong. but please, dont forget that i
[Deku] i love you
No more typing, no more conversation, no more trying to push for more. Katsuki knew he was just putting off this confrontation, just as scared to have it as he was to put it off. Yeah, he did want to talk about whatever this awkward barrier was, but...
I... I don't know how.
The better part of him knew not to leave his boyfriend on read, to not let him wonder, wonder, and keep asking questions Katsuki didn't have an answer to.
But the other part, the vulnerable, desperate, nervous part, had no idea what to say.
What won't make everything worse...? I don't want him to be feeling shitty after that weekend.
It was probably pathetic, but he couldn't come up with a response aside from a measly u too. Deku didn't respond– didn't have a reason to, really– so Katsuki shoved his phone back in his pocket, clenched his teeth, and tried to remember just how he'd felt so damn satisfied not twenty-four hours ago.
Thankfully, he had a different problem to shift his focus to right now, one that revolved entirely around the current state of his neck and chest. The winter temperatures made it easier to make excuses, but still...
Katsuki ran a hand up along his neck, tracing messy bruises till they faded to whispers just below his ear.
How the fuck am I gonna hide this?
In all honesty, he really, really hadn't thought they'd be this dark.
Well, he did say they'd bruise. And I said...
"...I'd be mad if it didn't."
Fuck.
If he was in the dorms right now and not his parent's house, Katsuki was sure this wouldn't be as much of an issue. It'd be harder to call up Camie and ask her to come over and give him fucking hickey advice while his parents were sitting right downstairs. He'd considered himself lucky enough that they'd been asleep by the time he'd gotten home last night, and while getting to his room had been easy enough, Katsuki hadn't really considered the aftereffects of pleading harder, harder! at his boyfriend to its full extent.
Okay, yeah. This one's on me.
He sighed, wandered to his closet, and thumbed through the rack of black t-shirts to find one of his two decent turtlenecks interspersed in the mess, still clean. Katsuki shucked it over his head fast enough, ran back to the mirror, but was disappointed almost as fast as he'd been relieved. The turtleneck ran fairly high, yeah, but not high enough.
Dammit.
Nervous fingers curled against his leg as he ran through his short list of options, not sure of what to do. None of his shirts would cover it up, he hardly owned (much less knew how to use) makeup, and shutting himself in his room all day would probably lead to his parents trying to check up on him and his friends getting overly concerned about what was going on. A part of him considered texting Camie and asking for advice– hell, it wasn't as if he'd never seen her and Momo walking around with one or two showing– but at the same time, he wasn't sure if now was when he wanted to have that conversation.
Especially because I never told them where I was going to begin with.
Just as he turned to go back and dig through his closet, though, his phone rang again. Katsuki grit his teeth, tried to quell the nerves bubbling up in his chest, and pulled it out in the hope that his boyfriend wasn't going to try and push a conversation right now.
Deku, please, I don't wanna talk about shit over the phone like this. I don't wanna—
But when he looked down, the caller I.D. almost surprised him. This time, it actually was Camie.
Shit.
His first instinct was panic– he wasn't ready, didn't know what to do, but not answering had the chance of coming off as more suspicious.
She'll just call again if I don't pick up. Get it over with.
Katsuki sucked in a breath, shoved the phone against his ear, and prayed for the best.
"Hey, what's—"
"You're going out with us tonight, right?" Camie clamored, cutting off any chance he'd have to start. "I booked a karaoke room downtown! It'll be fun, and yeah, I know you just got back from your sex vacation, but just cause you and your hot boyfriend are having fun doesn't mean I'm about to let you forget about us."
Wait– "I-I'm sorry, did you just say sex vacation!?"
"Uh, yeah?"
A furious heat flooded through him, and all at once, his worries were directed someplace else. "We– holy fuck– I didn't even tell you where we went, how did—"
"One– you didn't answer my texts last night. Two– you said you guys were going away for an overnight trip, and three– you're not denying it." He could practically see Camie's grin on the other end. "Look, Baku. Did you really think you could keep something like that from me for too long?"
"I-I mean, I'm telling you, we didn't really have—"
"Oh, but did you have fun, babe? My bad, should've asked that first."
...fun.
"...yeah. I did." He managed, and despite his former reservations, if Camie was already under the impression that they'd fucked, then maybe—
"Aw, that's awesome!" She said, her excitement a stark contrast to how shitty he felt right now. "Oh! And I was gonna ask, did you wanna invite him along? I think we've got room for one more, and he might be able to snag us some drinks, too... sounds fun, right?"
"I– do you really think that a fucking pro would go buying drinks for us!? I bet he'd rather be caught dead." Katsuki hissed, appalled that she'd even bring up that sort of thing. "Besides. He's on duty tonight, watching out for all the idiots that are gonna be drinking and doing stupid shit. I'm not about to go and make his life more difficult."
"Fine, fine. Party pooper." Camie mumbled. "But yeah, you better come. The reservation is from seven up till midnight. I'll send you the location and all that, so you better get your cute ass over there. Oh, and I think Todo said something about his internship partner like, inviting himself along too? So I need you out there in case the guy's weird and needs to be chased off, m'kay?"
"Got it, got it." But despite his agreement, Katsuki couldn't say he was particularly thrilled about having a newcomer joining them right now, especially with his current... predicament.
This is your chance to ask. Use it.
"Real quick, um—" He began, trying to figure out how to get the words out. "I've just got a, uh, small bit of a problem, and I know you've dealt with this shit before, so I just need some advice 'cause it's kinda not small actually and—"
There was a soft laugh from the other end of the phone, but nothing demeaning. "What's going on?"
Just. Get it out.
"Don't laugh." He mumbled, finally letting out a long sigh as he dragged a hand down his face. "How do you– h-how the fuck do you cover up a hickey."
Silence.
Shouldn't have said anything. Shouldn't have said anything. Shouldn't have—
"Where is it, babe?" She asked instead, far gentler than he'd expected.
...oh.
"Just, uh..." Oddly enough, talking to Camie wasn't as difficult as he'd feared it would be. "You can still see a couple over my collar, and I don't have anything that runs higher than this turtleneck..."
"You don't have any makeup, do you?"
"Not that I really know how to use..."
"Hm... well, have anything you could wear on top of your shirt? Like a scarf or something? It's cold, so you should be able to..."
He'd stopped listening after the word scarf.
"Y-Yeah. I've got something like that."
Haven't worn it in a while, but...
The call fell quiet again, but for the first time that day, his heart rate had started to settle.
"Alright. You gonna be okay? Need me to come over or do anything beforehand?"
He considered that idea for a long moment, but eventually settled on a no. "Nah, s'okay, I think it's... under control now."
I can figure this out.
"Mm. Well, if you need anything, I'm here, 'kay?" She reminded him, and just hearing the sheer sincerity in her voice was enough to make him wonder why he'd been so nervous in the first place. "And get some rest, okay? You sound a little tired."
Tired, huh?
"Yeah, yeah." He brushed it off, trying to ignore the fact that those words sounded so much like Deku's. "Don't forget to send me the location. I'll make it out there on time."
"I know you will. I was just thinking more about..." Camie's voice trailed off, and Katsuki couldn't quite figure out why. "Sorry, nevermind! I'll see you later. Just don't forget to take care of yourself, babe."
She hung up first, leaving Katsuki to sit as her voice crackled away and went silent.
Do... do I really sound that shitty? Deku was acting weirder than usual after our call too...
But he didn't want to dwell on that right now. Didn't wanna remember how distraught Deku had seemed in just a few texts or how concerned he'd been for Katsuki's well being.
I've gotta shower, anyways. I'm supposed to have fun tonight. Can't go out there and look constipated in front of Camie and the other shits right now.
As he took off his shirt and went to hang it back up, though, Katsuki caught sight of the scarf he'd told himself he'd wear later. Black, orange, soft, and beautiful– last year, he'd worn it three or four times a week. Now, though...
That's the scarf Deku got me last year for Christmas.
He hadn't touched it in months.
Don't think too hard about it.
The turtleneck was shoved back in the closet in a single sharp, frantic movement, and he sprinted back towards the shower before he had the chance to contemplate what it meant. Scalding water burned away the worry, and for as refreshing as the shower was, the only thing running through his mind were thoughts of teasing fingers, whispered words, and things that could only be said in the privacy of the cozy ryokan. There'd been something there, something real.
Am I just making too big a deal out of everything? Should I just try and forget about that shit? Let it happen?
Fingers clawed trails of shampoo through his hair rougher than they should've.
Why can't I just enjoy the memories of the physical stuff we did together?
Katsuki definitely didn't cry in the shower, not at all.
I... I just wish I knew what to do.
The rest of the afternoon passed by in a blur. He grabbed leftovers from his fridge and ate while his parents were out, tossed and turned in bed till he gave up on trying to nap, and opened and closed he and Deku's texts at least a dozen times in search of an answer to whatever was clouding their relationship. TV hardly served as enough of a distraction, and pulling out his damn dildo to masturbate nearly made him sick. Everything reminded him of Deku, too fresh and too raw.
All I want is for things to be easy again.
But the clock ticked by, by, and before he knew it, the time to leave had arrived. Katsuki made himself presentable, washed his face five times over before he was sure the tearstains were gone, pulled on his turtleneck and a pair of jeans, and stared at the one thing he could barely bring himself to touch.
Don't be so dramatic. It's just a scarf.
He only managed to wind the fabric around his neck after a minute or so of hesitation, and despite its soft texture, Katsuki felt as if he was choking.
Just. A. Scarf.
Violently shaking hands grabbed his wallet and phone, and it was all he could do to not slam the door behind him.
Don't be ridiculous.
But as he hurled himself downstairs, one final, mildly unexpected voice stopped him.
"You're heading out again, Katsuki?"
Why the fuck are you already home, Mom?
"Yeah." He muttered, moving towards the door. "We're doing karaoke tonight."
Katsuki didn't like the tense silence that followed, not one bit.
"Same friends that you spent the weekend with?" She asked, and while it was an honest enough question, he hated the slight sharpness lurking in her words.
"...yeah." He grumbled. "We're just tryin' to take advantage of break. I'm leaving."
"When do you think you'll be back?"
"Later tonight."
"Hmph. Someone's chatty." His mom crossed her arms over her chest and looked more than a little suspicious, but she didn't push it. "Don't be a dumbass out there. I better see your ass back here tomorrow morning."
"I'll be fucking fine." He scowled, turning away. "Bye."
Katsuki made no effort to keep from slamming the door that time, and yet, a part of him couldn't help but wonder if she'd realized he'd been out with someone over the weekend who wasn't from his immediate friend group.
Wonder if she thinks I'm dating someone... I don't think that she'd hate Deku, anyways, but she's the last person I wanna bring up relationship stuff with.
Now, though, it was time to focus on the moment instead of the image he'd conjured of his mother giving him the talk again.
The trip to the karaoke place was fairly easy, and Katsuki was more than a little relieved to see that they'd grabbed a mid-sized, private room. He wasn't sure what lengths Camie had gone to to secure the location for them on this night, but he was damn thankful for it and for her.
She's too fucking good for us, really. Her and Momo both.
He wandered into the facility, down hallways filled with echoes of screeched-out pop music, and finally found the room Camie had reserved at the end. The door opened with an easy click, and Katsuki shut himself in with one last, short breath and a promise to stay calm and relaxed.
"Baku!" Camie greeted, throwing up her hand in a cheerful wave. "You didn't ditch on us after all!"
"You shit, I told you I was coming." He huffed, and grabbed a seat on the bench next to her. "I ain't about to lie. But, uh, thanks for getting this together."
"Yeah, but I mean... if I were you, and I had a hot pro hero as a boyfriend, I'd peace the hell out of here to go get some new year's dick instead of doing karaoke."
"I told you, he's busy." Katsuki hissed. "And we—"
"Camie, what!?" Yaoyorozu interrupted from her girlfriend's other side. "I– I thought you wanted to be here! If you wanted to have sex, we could've just gone to my house!"
His friend flushed, an awkward, slightly-nervous smile on her face. "Well, um! There's always afterwards. Unless you'd be down for getting it on in front of—"
"Would you shut up with all the sex talk!?" He snapped, and suddenly, all of his thankfulness was starting to drain away. "Is Todoroki here yet? God, I need someone who's not so fucking horny on main to drown out the sound of you assholes."
"Oof, that's rich, coming from the asshole who literally asked me for hickey advice a few hours ago." Camie mocked, a shit-eating grin spreading over her face. "Nice scarf, babe. Real subtle. Knew you had it in you."
"You told me something like this was fine!"
"Oh yeah, it's totally fine. Never said it wasn't obvious what you're hiding, though."
Katsuki would've stepped out the door right that second had something not slammed against it first, followed by the sound of some strange, muffled arguing before the door was opened and Todoroki, along with some other guy, practically fell in.
"I'll be honest, when you said tag along, I was thinking that you meant more along the lines of just walking next to me." Todoroki scowled at the guy beside him. "Not physically latching onto me and refusing to let go."
"But it was more fun that way, right?" The guy said, his perfect smile far, far too bright. But Katsuki couldn't quite pin a name on him, despite feeling as if he'd seen him before. The newcomer was definitely familiar, but he wasn't sure who it'd been that had that same dark, messy hair, deep brown eyes, and a face that sparkled with nothing but false pleasantries. "Come on, Todo. You didn't shove me off, now did you?"
Todoroki only narrowed his eyes, though, and nearly elbowed his supposed friend in the chest. "You would've grabbed back on again, and I'm not so stupid as to go using my quirk in public. Quit acting like I was thrilled about it."
If nothing else, Katsuki was fairly sure he wasn't the only confused one in the room.
"Um... Todoroki?" Momo started, standing up and walking over to them. "Just, ah... just who is this?"
"You didn't tell them about me?" The newcomer said, absolutely aghast. "After all we've been through together... hm, I don't know how I feel about that."
After all they've been through...? Huh?
"You're more than welcome to stay quiet." Todoroki said, voice stark. "Just because Gale isn't here to deal with you doesn't mean that you're free to pull out your idiocy again."
Just because Gale isn't... wait.
"Oh, so play nice?" The newcomer started, smile widening into something more akin to a grin as he stuck a hand out towards Momo. "If you say so. Hi, I'm—"
"This is my internship partner." Todoroki cut him off, and sighed. "And he's not going to be irritating tonight. I can assure you that he's not always this weird."
"Not sure how I feel about that, coming from you." Katsuki rolled his eyes. "Whatever."
"What– Bakugou, he's a decent training partner. And once he knocks off the act, he's really not too bad." Todoroki frowned. "I would've made him stay behind if I really thought that—"
"Wait, wait. Bakugou!" The guy waved at him, interrupting anything else that Todoroki could've said in his defense. "Don't you remember me?"
Huh?
"Sorry. I'm not one for wasting energy thinking about people that don't matter." He said, mildly annoyed. "I—"
"I don't matter?" He replied, almost in some sort of slight shock. "You don't remember when I nearly beat you in the sports fest first year? When I had you pinned down in front of the whole stadium? Come on, it hasn't been that long. I know I couldn't have forgotten a face as pretty as yours, and so—"
"I think I found your problem." Katsuki growled. "You nearly beat me. Last I checked, that means I won."
But the guy just stuck his hand out again in Katsuki's direction this time, and cocked his head. "Then let's have a proper introduction, shall we? I've always looked up to you– you're so cool, so fiery, and your passion has always made me wanna be stronger, too!"
"Hey, knock it off with the—"
The hand shot forward, wove itself between Katsuki's own, and held tight. "I'm Shindou! Shindou Yo. Come on, don't you remember me, Bakugou?"
Those too-pretty, too-knowing eyes bored holes through his skull, and all at once, he remembered.
Oh, god. Really? This guy?
"You're the fucker with the earthquakes." He said, getting only an excited nod in response. "You put up a goddamn challenge, at least."
"Oh, I know I did. I only lost cause I got cocky." Shindou said, smiling again. "But you– oh, you were fun to fight. I remember how you looked under me. You were squirming around, practically begging me to stop."
That grin turned to something more intense than Katsuki would've liked, and he wasn't sure if he was imagining the vibrations running through his body or if Shindou actually had decided to use his quirk in some sort of mediocre intimidation tactic.
He's just fucking weird. Not a threat, though.
With some mild amusement, a part of him found that he wasn't all too surprised that he and Todoroki had somehow wound up partnered together.
"Why the hell are you here?" He said instead, ignoring the clearly suggestive side of his comments. "Look, I know Todoroki's an idiot, but I don't think he's so stupid as to spend a bunch of time with someone who's gonna act like this twenty-four seven."
And finally, finally, Shindou let go. "Good question." His face switched to something less forced, something more tired. "Honestly? I was bored. Todo usually knows how to give me a good time, and I heard he was going out tonight, so I figured well, why not? Let's have a proper introduction to the people he spends time with outside of practice!"
That, in the very least, sounded a bit more truthful.
Huh.
"So... what's the deal? You guys just friends?" Camie asked, having been watching the whole situation plan out. "Or are you—"
"Just friends." Todoroki said, shooting Shindou a look that said not a word. "As well as my internship partner. Gale took us both on because of our more elemental-like quirks, and... it hasn't been too bad lately."
Katsuki would be willing to bet money on there being more than just friendship there, but decided not to push it. "...alright, then."
"Well, maybe we should go ahead and get food?" Momo announced, turning everyone's attention back to the important matter at hand. "I'm a little hungry, and maybe while we're ordering, you guys can put together a list of songs you want to sing?"
Thank god, a distraction.
"Sounds great, babe!" Camie answered. "Alright, alright. Buckle up kids, let's get going."
Katsuki sat back down on the bench next to Camie as Momo sorted through the menu, and he pulled out his phone to search for something to sing along to. While he wasn't huge on the whole singing thing (playing the drums was more his style) he wasn't totally opposed to it either. They'd gone out on shorter karaoke trips in the past and had a good time, but usually it was just him and Camie screaming their lungs out in a booth until their voices were gone. Never had he heard Todoroki sing, and the only thing he'd heard from Momo was a single rare moment when she'd sung something so graceful, so beautiful– which was why he was so surprised when he glanced over at the short list of heavy rock songs she'd left with Camie, so different from the near serenade he'd from her heard before.
"Those– are those for Momo?" He asked, only receiving a steady nod in return.
"You bet. She's a badass, Baku." Camie said, glancing up to see Momo across the room, asking Todoroki and Shindou what they wanted. "And she's my badass."
"She really is, isn't she?" Katsuki murmured. "Keeps all of our shit in line, that's for sure. Well, you and her, I guess."
"Mm, you think so?" She laughed. "I'm glad. Someone's gotta watch out for you while you're off chasing pro hero ass."
The rest of the group was fairly distracted, as Momo had her hands full dealing with figuring out what to order with the 'help' she was getting from Shindou.
Guess I... might as well tell her what happened while they're busy. What we did over the weekend and all that.
It was hard to get started, just like earlier that day had been, but he was banking on it being easier to keep talking once he started.
Just gotta get the words out to someone.
"Camie, uh... this past weekend?" He started, quiet. "Deku had a friend who won some free tickets to this ryokan a bit away from here, and we, uh... had a private onsen with our room." He couldn't meet her eyes, not yet. "I– I know what I asked you earlier. But we didn't have sex. Just made out a lot, and..."
It was fun? I felt good? He felt good?
His phone was practically burning a hole through his hand, those worry-filled messages still haunting his every thought.
Are you really happy, Kacchan?
"And?" She asked again, more to get his attention than probe for an answer.
The words were pushing at his throat, and for as much as just being with his friends was a bit of a break from the feelings warring and tugging at him, everything was begging to come out, come out.
"Do... do you remember that fight we had a couple months back?" Katsuki started, the words chalky in his throat. He waited for a nod, and when he got it, continued. "I-I mean, we've tried, but it just..."
Just say something, dammit...!
"I hate fighting with him like this. Even though it hasn't really been like, fighting-fighting. Just ignoring all of it." He got out, fumbling with what to say. "I-I just– we never really talked shit out, and now it's like...I mean, it feels fucking good. The– the physical stuff. But hell, I..."
What? What is it? What's my goddamn problem?
It was as if a dam had broke– Katsuki couldn't hold back the feelings any longer, could hardly fake the neutral face he'd tried to cling to all the way to the karaoke place.
"A-Am I crazy...?"
I just...
"It feels good– great, even, so why the hell can't I stop thinking about that damn fight?"
I'm so tired, and...
"I-I love him, but it just... it feels like we can't fucking talk to each other! Like we're just trying to cover all this shit up with kissing and hugging and sitting naked in an onsen together instead of just figuring out what's going on! That's– yeah, maybe I'm crazy, maybe I don't know jack shit about relationships, but I think that's kinda a problem, right!?"
He only broke off when his voice tipped into a sharp crescendo, and all of a sudden, realized that every eye in the room was on him.
Oh, no.
Even Shindou was looking.
What am I gonna... what did I just—
"Quit staring."
Wait—
"Go out in the hall for a minute or something." Camie continued. "Give us a little time."
"I'll go ahead and grab some food, then?" Momo's voice echoed, worry barely masked over with her question.
"That works, babe. I'm gonna keep him company for just a minute. I'll let you and the others know when we're done."
Katsuki wasn't sure what was going on, what all he'd just said, but before he had much time to think about it, the room had cleared out and left him alone with his best friend. A hand came up to his shoulder– Camie's hand– and stayed there.
"They're gone." She assured him. "It's just me. Promise."
Where do I even go from here?
"Do you wanna talk a bit more?" She asked, only gentle, only understanding.
Do I?
His eyes drifted down to the phone in his hands, no new messages from Deku on it since their 'talk' earlier that day. Trembling fingers punched in the code, and he pulled up their conversation and handed it to Camie before he could think twice.
"I– I got back in late last night, and we called for a bit today, but..."
Camie scrolled through his messages, features drawn up in a pensive, contemplative crease. Katsuki was well aware of her ability to be serious when it came down to it, especially with people, and right now she really did feel like the only one he could trust.
"...hoo, boy." She murmured, reading the messages over once more. "Alright. I have some thoughts, but... is there anything else you wanna say first?"
In the back of his mind, he knew this had to be quick. They wouldn't have much time to spend on this conversation if they didn't want to keep everyone waiting. So—
Just gonna listen, for now.
"Let's hear it."
She set his phone back in his lap and met his eyes, yet Katsuki could've sworn there was some sort of sadness behind them.
"All of this feels like a classic case of miscommunication, babe." Camie pursed her lips. "He wants to figure stuff out too, but it feels like neither of you really know how. That much is obvious, at least."
"I– I just..." He swallowed. "I don't get it, 'cause before then, everything felt mostly alright. Yeah, he was kinda overprotective, but I should've just gotten over that. Now he's afraid to ask me even something as simple as how I'm doing, and I don't mind a bit of it, it just felt like a lot before hand, and I... I kinda feel like I just fucked it all up...! L-Like, he doesn't seem to have any issues just sticking to the physical stuff, and I mean—"
Katsuki pulled his scarf off, tugged down the collar of his turtleneck, and let Camie stare at the vivid bruises ringing his neck.
"I– I loved it. This. Being able to be close like that... but when we're not sucking face or feeling each other up or sleeping together, it doesn't feel like those same feelings are there nowadays...!"
"Hey, can you look at me?"
It used to be easier.
"Near the start of this relationship, it just... it felt kinda perfect, yeah? And now we've been officially dating for almost six months, but it feels like things have just been falling apart ever since that one damn argument!"
"Please, just look at me."
"I don't wanna– f-fuck, I can see a future with him, and I—"
"Katsuki, look at me!"
Camie's hand shot to his shoulder, gripped it tight, and didn't let go. "Just breathe. Please. You're freaking out a lot right now."
Breathe, breathe, just...
"I'm not going anywhere."
...right.
Katsuki let his eyes fall closed, if only for a moment.
Calm down. Calm down. Just relax a bit, and...
"It's... it's just..." He started, finally coming back to some sort of clarity. "I don't want everything to end before it even begins because of this one thing... and it's not like everything's bad, cause he still makes me smile, laugh, that kinda shit, but..." Katsuki paused. "S'just like there's some sort of cloud hanging over us, and... it won't go away."
His friend was quiet for a long moment, didn't tell him any simple platitudes or give him any hopeful smiles. Camie– no, she was—
She's not just trying to make me feel better.
"Alright." She finally said, letting go of Katsuki's shoulder. "Like I said, it's... easy to tell that he wants things to be better, and I know you want to get all of this figured out too, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"So here's my question, 'kay?" She paused. "Just– just why are you so afraid to talk to him?"
What? "Afraid?"
Camie nodded. "You heard me. Every time you say 'I don't know how to talk to him', you're afraid. I think Midoriya is too, but he's not here right now. So I'm talking to you."
Katsuki frowned, still not understanding. "I- how is that fear? I mean, I don't know how to talk about shit like this, 'cause I've never done it before, and—"
"There's no right way to talk about this stuff." She pushed. "When we talked to you right after your fight, you seemed so much more confident in figuring stuff out. But you guys have waited like, months! And all that time has just made it scarier! If it hasn't gone away on its own after that long, then it probably won't without some sort of intervention, y'know?"
She's... yeah, okay, that makes sense.
"I don't want to see you feeling this bad anymore, Baku." She murmured, and reached up to brush the hair from his face. "I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't want to stress you out anymore. But Midoriya can see it too, and hell, babe. You guys just need to be honest with each other. Honest about what you want, what you like, what you don't. All that stuff."
Just be honest...
"It's not just your job, Baku. But you've gotta let Midoriya feel like he can reach out to you. And I'm glad you had fun on your trip! I'm really, really glad! So deal with all this, yeah? Talk it out, try not to be afraid of saying what needs to be said, and just try not to let this stink up your relationship for much longer."
I... yeah.
Katsuki's fingers closed around his phone, his head finally a bit clearer, and mentally flipped through when he'd be available again.
When can we see each other again? Take a trip like that again?
"Should I text him?" He asked, quiet. Camie gave him a short hum of approval, and before Katsuki allowed himself to think further on it, he opened up his message history again to say something.
"Yeah, do that, and I'll go tell them they can come in again." She patted him one last time before standing up, and Katsuki's fingers finally hit the keyboard.
Just... get the conversation started. He said to text whenever.
Talking didn't feel nearly as impossible with his best friend at his side, after all.
[Katsuki] hope u have a good night at work. That u dont have too many dumbasses to deal with n all that
[Katsuki] i was looking at my schedule n maybe we could do something in february like another weekend thing bc the onsen was rlly fun and i loved spending time w u like that and
[Katsuki] i wanna be able to get away with u for a bit again. Just us. If that's cool
[Katsuki] srry for all this cause ur probs on duty n i know i shoulda sent somethin earlier but
[Katsuki] i love u
[Katsuki] for real
It was far more rushed, less thought-through than his messages usually were, but this time that sort of muscle-memory seemed to be the thing to serve him best.
I shouldn't overthink it right now. Just talk to him again.
Katsuki looked up to see the door opening again in front of him just as he sent the last message, not expecting a reply till at least the next morning or so. Admittedly, it was kinda embarrassing to have to meet the eyes of all the people he'd just had a near-breakdown in front of, but nobody seemed to have minded the wait. Apparently they'd wound up getting food in their brief few minutes outside the room, and returned with a cheerful chatter and plates of food soon set on the table for everyone to chow down on.
But best of all, nobody asked him what had just happened.
Thank god.
Katsuki went to go reach for an empty plate to pile up with appetizers, but was met with a sudden odd look from Shindou as soon as he grabbed it.
"Oh, hey! Looks like you fun last night." He grinned, gesturing at his neck. "Haha, I figured you were the type to like it rough!"
For a split second, he was confused. But that moment didn't last long, because as soon as the connection was made between the strange pointing and the sudden chill on the back of his neck did he realize that holy fuck, I forgot to put the scarf back on.
"I– for fuck's sake, I didn't have—!"
"It's okay, Bakugou." Shindou shrugged. "I figured that's why you were wearing it anyways. The few times I have seen you around, you never bothered to dress decent!"
Oh my god.
"Why the hell are you even here!?" Katsuki bristled. "If you're just gonna come up here to insult me, then—"
But he stopped mid-sentence as soon as the phone in his pocket buzzed with the notification of a familiar text tone. Logically, it could only be from one person, and talking to Deku far, far outweighed the thought of having to interact with Shindou anymore.
Hm... wonder what he...
[Deku] ah im actually just about to leave for patrol!!!
[Deku] and yeah!! february works!! ill look at my schedule and we can pick out a weekend to do something!!
[Deku] and just, um
[Deku] aha
[Deku] i love you too. so much
[Deku] hope youre having fun with your friends bby:)
[Deku] thanks for texting me. ill talk to you later<3
Katsuki could feel a bit of a stupid, relieved smile growing over his face as he read over those messages again, again.
He doesn't sound angry, at least. So I guess—
"Ooh, who are you talking too?" Shindou interrupted, sticking his head far too close into Katsuki's personal space. "Huh? I don't know anyone named Deku."
"Oi, fuck o—"
As he went to shove Shindou away, though, his phone buzzed with something new. He stole a quick glance down at the screen, just expecting another message, but instantly regretted not shutting off his phone when he had the chance. Because Deku– awkward, amazing, well-meaning Deku– had thought that right then was the perfect time to send a selfie in his hero suit.
[Deku] i know i never sent you those pictures i said i would earlier, but um maybe this'll do for now?
The picture was nice, really. Deku's smile was as bright as he'd remembered, and there was undoubtedly a spark of happiness and relief in his eyes. And yet, for as good as the picture was, Katsuki found himself completely and utterly frozen.
Not now. Not right now. Holy shit, I love you, but could you have possibly chosen—
"Oh. Oh, really now?" Shindou murmured, curious. "Pro Hero Valiant, hm...? Interesting."
Katsuki would've been more than willing to give him a bloody nose right then if not for the building conduct.
"I don't wanna hear one word." He seethed, shutting off his phone like he should've done earlier. "Okay? Only the people in this damn room know. And now, that fucking includes you. Got it!?"
"Of course, chief!" Shindou gave him a thumbs-up and a cheeky grin. "My lips are sealed! Not one word of your hottie pro hero boyfriend is leaving this room!"
Katsuki didn't like the feel of this, but in the very least, Todoroki seemed to trust Shindou enough to at least let him join them. He was annoying as all get out, yeah, but...
I don't have much of a choice but to hope he keeps his mouth shut, do I?
"I know you're a two-faced fuckhead, but you better keep that promise." He reiterated, hands clenched at his sides. "I think even you could understand why we have to keep this shit under wraps, right?"
"Right, right." Shindou nodded. "My lips are sealed. But god, he's a catch. Though I guess it's not a surprise he'd be into someone as cute as you!"
"Quit it." Todoroki grabbed Shindou by the collar and shoved him away from Katsuki. "And now that you know he's taken, I really think you should knock it off with the flirting."
He's just a nuisance. Like some sort of fly that won't get out of your face, but with better looks.
But as Todoroki apologized on Shindou's behalf to him and went away to strike up another conversation, Katsuki checked his phone once more to stare at the slightly-grainy selfie Deku had sent. Quick fingers zoomed in on his smile, freckles barely visible in the poor lighting, but the joy in his eyes and the easy smile on his face and the bruise on his—
Katsuki's heart stopped.
Holy shit.
No doubt about it. He didn't think he'd managed to get anything to stay on Deku, but that—
That's a whole-ass bruise on his neck. Oh– oh my god.
And somehow, just seeing that– that physical proof not just on himself, but on Deku, too– made everything seem that much more real.
He really does want this to work. He wants me, and...
Fingers trailed up to brush against his neck, still tender and sore.
I want him, too.