The days that followed my stage breakdown were hard. Lydia worked tirelessly in the background, trying to find a way that we could approach the situation without people thinking it was a cop out. Reading Festival were refusing to pay me for the set because I had left stage early and Twitter was blowing up with claims that I was addicted to alcohol and other substances, claims that Leah and I had split and claims that I was in the middle of a management crisis with Gavin.
Leah was incredible, as expected. She even offered to put her own statement out to dismiss the rumours, despite her having been hurt by the situation too. She constantly touched me in some way, whether it was her hand on my thigh as we watched tv or running her fingers across my shoulders as she walked by me in the kitchen. Leah constantly let me know that she was there, she wasn't going anywhere and she meant it when she asked me to stay forever.
After just under a week, Lydia called round to talk through what we could do moving forward. She explained that we couldn't just bury this one, the video had been played millions of times on YouTube, tabloid newspapers were digging up old photos of myself and Leah and using them as clickbait.
"The only way forward is what I'm suggesting." Lydia told Leah and I.
"I don't know, Lyds. Seems like a lot for Alex to take on right now." Leah said apprehensively.
"Yeah, she's right. I'm not sure I'm up to that right now." I said, backing Leah up.
"It would be prerecorded. I've ensured that. Just an opportunity for you to put on record exactly what happened and almost be an advocate for mental health. Completely your choice, Al. You know I'd never let you do something that I thought was going to harm you." Lydia smiled.
"Okay. Can I say I'll think about it for now?" I asked, taking Leah's hand under the table and feeling her fingers tighten their grip around mine for support.
"Of course. Let me know when you know." Lydia said, hugging Leah and I and saying goodbye to Aoife before she left.
Leah and I carried on with our day, making things normal for Aoife was our main priority. Once she was in bed, we had an opportunity to talk properly.
"You know, if you want to do what Lydia suggested earlier Al, I'll support you wholeheartedly." Leah said as she sat down beside me on the sofa.
"I know. Thank you. It's just you know how those things can be twisted. I suppose if it's literally me on a screen though they can't really twist it can they?" I said, my mind jumping from place to place.
"I guess not, they would only be able to report on the words that leave your mouth." Leah said, pulling me into her chest as she noticed my mind was racing.
"I really have made a complete mess of things, Le." I sighed.
"With all the right intentions, Al. Yes, it hurt and yes it was the wrong decision to not tell me but I know why you did it." She reassured me.
"I was just so happy to have a second chance with you, I didn't think of a time when the other letter would need to be discussed. It just seemed like a bad memory." I said into Leah's chest.
"I know. I know that. I love you." Leah said as she lifted my chin to kiss me.
"I love you too. I think I'll do it, the world needs to know that we have mental health to look after too." I said.
"I knew you would. I'm proud of you." Leah said, kissing me again.
After just two days, I found myself sat in front of a camera with a journalist. I spoke openly and honestly about my experiences, some more difficult to talk about than others but all made easier by the presence of Leah's teddy in my hand, out of sight of the camera.
The following day, Amanda took Aoife to the park so Leah and I could travel to the studio. Upon arrival, we were swarmed by paparazzi. Leah took my hand, gripping it tighter than she ever had before and leading me inside, away from the chaos.
"It's live. The Daily Mail have already obtained a transcript and reported it. It's good, Alex. It's really good." Gavin reassured me.
"Let me see." I said, my hands trembling with nerves.
Gavin passed me the iPad, open on a page I never thought I'd have to read.
Courageous Alex Ryan-Williamson opens up in tell all interview.
Alex Ryan-Williamson has been the root of envy for many people around the world since her rise to fame. Many thought the multi-millionaire lived the life we could only dream of but the star says that fame came at a cost.
Read the transcript below ⬇️
Please introduce yourself:
Alex Ryan-Williamson
29 years old
Singer/Songwriter
Firstly, thank you for agreeing to do this today. It must be something you never thought you'd have to do when you signed that first record deal?
Definitely. I think anyone that sees a way to live out their dreams thinks only of the positives. You see stories of fame, stories of the negative impact that fame can have but you always think that won't happen to you.
Absolutely. Can we go back to the start, Alex? As a child, what was your life like?
Amazing. I had an amazing childhood and I feel lucky to be able to say that. My mum and dad were childhood sweethearts, they were devoted to each other and to the happiness and success of each other. I struggle to remember any times when my mum and dad argued or anything like that. They gave me the opportunity to explore different things I might like, allowing me to be sure that music was my passion before I devoted my life to it. I owe everything I have to them.
So, when you lost your mum that must've come as a great shock to you? Can you tell us about that?
My mum was my best friend, I have no shame in admitting that I chose many times to sit in with my mum over going out with my friends. We had the type of relationship that meant that I could look at her as a friend whilst respecting her as my mum. When I was 24, my mum was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, she was given three weeks to live but after just 3 days she passed away. It came as a massive shock to all of us. One day she was my mum and the next she was connected to machines and we had to watch as they switched them off.
You must really miss her, Alex?
Every day. A lot of people say that it gets easier through time and I understand what they mean. You begin to accept that you can't just pick up the phone to them anymore, you accept that you won't get that hug you so desperately need and you begin to accept that life doesn't wait around for anyone. I think the hardest days are when things happen. My wedding, the birth of my child, the times when things have gone wrong. I often find myself looking to the sky and asking her to come back, knowing she can't.
How did you overcome the immediate effect of that loss?
I didn't really. I thought I had, I thought I had coped well with losing her. If that's a thing. I functioned, still performing and showing up but when I met Leah, my dad thanked her for making me smile a real smile again after my mum and I think that's when it hit me that I had been surviving rather than living.
So tell me, how did you meet Leah?
*laughs* I think a lot of people know and love this story but Leah and I actually met on a plane. I won't go into all the details or she might actually kill me but there was some pretty bad weather and we bonded over thinking it was our final moments. We parted ways but a few weeks later we met at a festival that I was performing at. The following night we went on our first date.
Love at first sight?
I think so.
It wasn't always plain sailing with you and Leah though. Would that be an accurate statement to make?
Yeah, I agree with that and I think she would too. Leah and I met as she was coming off the back of the Euros win and I was still just singing in the back of bars with my guitar. Just as we began to get our relationship off the ground, my career boomed and I was suddenly whisked away to perform all over the world. The pressure that comes from that, the scrutiny and the initial parts of any relationship, it wasn't a good mix and I think we lost our way a bit.
Did the comments being made about Leah's captaincy contribute at all to the ending?
Yeah. Obviously for Leah, hearing those things and constantly being on the receiving end of vile hatred like that made it difficult for her to be in a completely different country to me for long periods of time. For me, I was touring and social media wasn't a place I spent a lot of time involved in so I was kind of oblivious to just how had things had got.
She didn't tell you?
No. Not the full extent. Not because she didn't want to or because she was hiding it but because she selflessly didn't want to put a dampener on my success.
And would it?
Of course not. I would've been there to support her but how was she to know that so early into a relationship, you know.
Absolutely. So you and Leah go from couple of the year to a sudden break up. You stayed single for quite some time? Was that completely single or were you casually dating so to speak?
No. I stayed single. I wanted to heal from the parts of myself that caused any negativity within the relationship. It was important to me that I respected Leah, I didn't want her to see that I was doing things like that.
And then you met Grace Murphy?
Yes. Well, I had met her before that. Grace and I both were very interested in charity work and had attended charity events before so we already knew a bit about each other.
Did you ever imagine you would end up with her back then?
No. When I first met Grace my eyes were firmly set on Leah and Leah only.
So how did that happen?
A close friend decided to set us up. As I said, I hadn't been dating so my friend thought it might be time to get back out there.
What was the relationship between yourself and Grace like?
Happy. She was very supportive of me, very loyal. Grace gave me everything I could've wanted, she just wasn't the right person for me.
Did you tell her that?
No. I think I wanted to repay her kindness by giving her what she deserved. I wanted to be the person that she needed me to be.
Do you regret that?
Hmm. Regret is a strong word. I was raised to be honest but I was also raised to be careful with the heart of others. I think I was desperate to not be the reason for her heartbreak but in doing that, I suppose I was dishonest. That part I regret.
Grace spoke of letters. Do you know what she was referring to?
Yes. I wrote two letters to Leah. One that said everything I wanted to tell her and another cutting ties with her.
When did you write these letters?
Early morning after a conversation with my Dad.
Were you still with Grace at this point?
Yes.
How did you decide which letter?
I didn't send either letter when I wrote them. I couldn't bring myself to send them. When Grace and I broke up, I sent Leah the first letter I had written.
You say you couldn't bring yourself to send the letter, why was that?
As I said before, I was raised to be honest. I didn't want to break Grace's heart after everything she had been there for me through, so I couldn't send the first whilst we were still together. To send the second I would've been lying, to myself, to Grace and to Leah.
Did Leah know about the other letter?
No. I didn't tell her. At the time, I was so wrapped up in my second chance at love with Leah that I didn't feel the need. I know now that was a mistake and for that, I am truly sorry.
Life hasn't always been kind to yourself and Leah has it?
I don't agree. We have a beautiful, healthy daughter, a loving family, we don't worry about money like I know a lot of people have to. Life has been kind to us but it has also grounded us. It has shown us that no fame, no career and no status in society stops the painful experience of life and I think that's why we both like to give back so much to the fans.
Let's talk about Reading Festival, what happened?
I think during Reading Festival, obviously that song was so personal to me. It symbolises so much of my life with Leah and emotions overtook my body and mind. In that moment, I couldn't think straight. I had to let it out before I burst and I think, although it was on a world stage, it was a good thing.
How so?
I think it has shown people that it's okay to cry. It's okay to be in a bad place mentally and it's okay to show the world that. Emotions, mental health, it isn't something that should be hidden away or kept secret. It is something that it's important to talk about.
How did you feel after that?
I had a lot of support from Leah. Unconditional support if I'm honest. Leah ignored her own hurt to shoulder my hurt and I think it has made us stronger. I think I feel proud. Proud that I have allowed myself to be vulnerable in an industry that often teaches you how to be the opposite.
What would you like to gain from today?
Understanding for others in the spotlight, understanding that we are human. We cry, we laugh, we suffer grief, we have relationship problems and we love. We are our biggest critics.
For people that aren't in the spotlight, I hope that seeing this shows you that you aren't alone. Some of your biggest idols are going through the same things that you are.
Life doesn't wait around for anyone, it can be unfair and it can be hard but it is important we keep trying. It's important that we reach out and talk.
After the interview, it was announced that Alex and Leah Williamson had donated £2m to a widely known mental health charity and pledged to support the calls for mental health to be taken seriously through the UK and Ireland.
Support has come in for Alex on a worldwide scale, messages of love and prayers coming from some of the biggest names in industry as well as praise from local politicians and some of the world's leading mental health charities. Her interview has been hailed as courageous and admirable with her manager Gavin stating:
"Watching Alex grow from a busker to an international sensation has been the ultimate pleasure and privilege of my career but being her friend has been the ultimate pleasure and privilege of my life. The world saw Alex stripped bare on stage that night but she came back fighting with the support of her loving, doting wife Leah and her beautiful little girl, Aoife. On behalf of all those closest to her, we want you to know how proud we are you, Alex and we want to thank Leah for always being her biggest supporter, even when she has forgotten how to support herself."
Alex is yet to comment on social media about the interview but sources close to her have said she will be watching the interview with her family and taking a well earned break from the spotlight. Wife Leah is due to resume training for the new WSL season this week.
And just like that, the world knew my secrets. They knew everything there was to know, good and bad. It was a moment I had dreaded my whole life but now that it was upon me, I no longer felt that dread. I felt relief. I turned to look at Leah who was just smiling at me, her eyes telling a story that her words never could.
"You never cease to amaze me, Alex." Leah said as she wrapped her arms around my neck, mine finding her waist.
"I couldn't have done it without you." I whispered.