I pull my hand from Hex's in order to close Wyonna's door behind us. He doesn't stop walking to wait for me, not even turning to look as he continues down the hallway.
The bad feeling in my gut starts to churn. He may have done a good job at hiding his true emotions in front of Wyonna but now they're making themselves known.
I sigh and jog to catch up to him, my legs working much harder to keep up with him then his are.
He allows me to grab his hand and he tightens his hold on me.
I say nothing but press my lips to his bicep as we walk, knowing he needs the comfort even if I can't express it verbally.
He briefly slows to press his own lips to my forehead before he picks up pace again.
We pass the windows that show the garden in the centre and my eyes focus on the area that Alex Pollar once occupied but I can't look for long as we exit into the main hallway and waiting room. There's more people here then previously and I have to glue myself to Hex's back to make it past them.
Apologies and grunts are heard as everyone shoves their way through, some caring for others and some not.
"Fucks sake" Hex grumbles as he finally finds a path and bee lines it for the front door. We can't even see the reception desk as people crowd around it.
The fresh air is nice and the car park is full.
"What a fucking shit show" Hex mumbles, the wind blows his hair around his face and he uses his hand in an attempt to stop it. It doesn't work.
I don't know if he's referencing the visit with Wyonna or the uanessacry amount of people in the waiting room.
"Yeah" is all I say.
Hex takes the drivers seat as we get in the car. I fiddle around with the radio until a decent song can be heard.
I can almost see the cogs turning in Hex's mind as he thinks, a far away look in his eyes. The silent conversation between himself and his mother doing more for him than anything anyone could verbalise.
"Is Harley home?" He questions out of the blue.
"Uh, yeah, she should be" I respond "why?"
The radio plays in the background as Hex starts the car and pulls out of the carpark in the opposite direction of our apartment.
He shrugs "haven't seen her in a while".
Sometimes I wonder if he forgets that we're basically one person now. Everything I feel; he feels and vice-versa and right now I can feel the sickening depression that's fighting to take over him. It's enough to nearly bring me to tears.
"New update in from the fatal car crash a few days ago. The surviving passenger has been cleared of any serious injuries and has been released from hospital" the radio is the only sound in the car.
Hex reaches over and turns it off.
*
"Oh, this is a nice surprise" Harley exclaims as she answer her front door. She does her best at hiding her surprise but it's evident in her tone.
Hex walks in first, giving Harley a hug as he slings an arm around her shoulders and pulls her into him. Harley and I have similar reactions at the physical contact. Her eyes widen and her mouth drops. Hex preferred to show his affection in ways other than touch, to anyone besides me at least.
"Hi Harley" I greet as Hex pulls away and walks into the kitchen.
Harley hugs me, pulling me in close and whispering hurriedly in my ear.
"What the fuck" her breath fans my ear in a disbelieving chuckle.
Our hug lasts for longer than usual as I use it as an excuse to discreetly respond to her.
"We just saw your mother" I pull back in time to see Harley's face drop and the moment of realisation fill her eyes.
Her eyes move back and forth quickly between me and the kitchen where Hex had walked to.
"I was just making funeral plans" she gulps. My own face pales as I look at the doorway of the kitchen.
I point in the direction, wondering if she had been doing it on the kitchen table and sure enough she nods.
"Shit."
Not a second later, Hex walks back into the lounge room; his face a ghostly white and his hand fisting the back of his head, tangled in his hair.
There's no doubt he saw the planning.
No one says a word as Hex takes a seat on the couch, taking it upon himself to turn the TV on.
I watch him closely, waiting for him to pass out or freak out, either one seems better than this newly composed Hex.
"Banks here?" He must have felt both of our gazes on him. His voice shakes Harley and I out of a daze as she locks the front door behind me.
"N-no, he's not. I can call him to come home, though" I want nothing more then to go over to Hex and touch him, offer him something but my gut is telling me he doesn't want to be fussed over.
"No, I'll see him around another time" he focuses on the sport that's playing on the screen.
Seems Hex and Banks really bonded the other night.
Harley leads me into the kitchen where I see the mass amounts of papers and documents scattered from the table to magnets on the fridge. Every medical record of Wyonna's sits in plan view and separated from the funeral planning.
"Want a drink?" Harley offers as she runs a hand through her hair. She's got no make up on and is dressed in comfortable clothing. Her plans for the day had obviously been to plan the funeral when Hex and I had interrupted her.
"No thanks" I shake my head.
I move onto the kitchen table where Harley had obviously been sat before we arrived. I pick up a paper.
White lily's and pink roses.
"She planned most of her own funeral" Harley speaks quietly as she leans over my shoulder, reading the paper. "I found everything when we moved her. She wrote everything down before she couldn't remember."
I swallow the lump in my throat and place the paper down; picking up another one.
Buried - not cremated.
"It's dated back four years ago" Harley's voice cracks. "She knew".
My chin wobbles but I hold it together, my heart breaking as I remember Hex had seen it.
"It's sad but it sure made my job a lot easier since I'm doing it alone" my eyes snap to Harley as she walks around the table, the hint of resentment in her tone makes me wince.
"I-I can help-" I offer but she cuts me off.
"No, Poppy" she sighs, her palm rubbing her forehead. "This isn't your responsibility; you've done more than we could have ever asked you to" I look back down at the papers to hide the guilt on my face. I hadn't done it for Harley or Wyonna; I had done it for Hex.
I flip a few more papers over and find more instructions and wishes of Wyonna's. She had planned everything down to a tee, even what clothes she wished to be buried in.
"There's-" Harley's voice cracks again "there's letters addressed to Hex and I" she says it so quietly I almost don't hear her as the TV in the next room is loud. I have no doubt Hex has done it on purpose to drown out our voices.
Harley hands me the two letters. Each have the siblings names on the front with the writing underneath that reads; don't read until I'm gone.
The words send a shiver down my spine. Wyonna's still here but the person who wrote those words is already gone. It's almost like she's speaking from the grave while she's still alive.
"I haven't told Hex".
"Right" I clear my throat but it doesn't help to clear the tears in the backs of my eyes. "I-is Banks helping you with all of this? You shouldn't be doing it all by yourself" I ask concerned. It's a lot to take on; I know I couldn't do it alone.
"He's done as much as he can but there's only so much he can do. It's up to Hex and I but I don't think he'll be down to help. I mean, he looked like he was going to pass out earlier" I nod in agreement. He did look like he was going to pass out but I also think he would appreciate Harley wanting to involve him; even if he does say no.
"I think you should ask him" I pull out a chair and take a seat across from her. She looks at me with a face of wariness. "I mean, we never thought he would visit Wyonna and he has. Maybe his way of thinking has changed? I don't see any bad in just asking him" with each word her wariness lessens and by the end she's hesitantly nodding.
She takes one final breath as she gains her confidence and stands "okay, okay. I'll ask".
"You don't want me to do it?" I question but she's already hyped herself up and marches through the kitchen and into the lounge room.
This could go incredibly badly and I could be left stranded at Harley's house if Hex decides to take the car and disappear. But that's the least he can do, the other options include putting a hole in Harley's wall and I would feel awful if he did that, not to mention the strain it would put on the siblings relationship.
I wait to hear the sound of his boots exiting the house or the sound of the remote hitting the wall but I don't. I wish he would turn that TV down so that I can hear what Harley's saying but it remains louder then it should be.
Movement from my peripheral gains my attention as Hex enters the kitchen, Harley close behind him. If I wasn't leaning on my palm then my jaw would have fallen open and landed on the floor.
He presses a firm kiss to the crown of my head as he passes and takes up room in the seat besides me.
He avoids looking at the papers in front of him and instead stares at the wall across from him.
"Okay" Harley clears her throat. "You do these and I'll focus on this stack" she pushes a small mountain of papers across the table in Hex's direction and I watch him closely wondering if he'll look at them.
He sighs deeply and reluctantly plucks the first paper off the top. My hand finds his knee under the table as he reads through, his face getting paler as he goes on.
He gulps as he places it down and moved onto the next one. The same pattern follows as he reads paper after paper, his leg bouncing and skin turning a ghostly colour with each new paper.
I'm not surprised when he finally can't do it anymore.
He looks like he's going to be sick if he touches one more piece of paper.
"Harley, I can't do this" his voice cracks as he waves the papers he has been holding in the air. I take it off him before he damages it. "I can't fucking do this shit" his chair squeaks along the floor as he pushes it back quickly. He stands and starts walking in the direction of the lounge room with his hands tangled roughly in his hair as he tugs.
I stand to follow him.
"It's okay Hex, it's okay" Harley voices as a tear falls from her eye and stains a paper.