Tw: mention of su!cide
Tommy wasn't quite sure what was happening. Ranboo's face was in front of him. The boy was looking at him, concerned and worried and Tommy didn't know why. Well he did, he knew that he had been shaking and that Ranboo knew he hated seeing notes like that, but why did he care. He shouldn't care. Tommy was fine. Tommy was always fucking fine.
"Do you need to leave?" Ranboo asked and Tommy shook his head, before turning away and looking back to his notebook, staring at it and writing the rest of the sentence he had been working on before. He didn't want Ranboo to care. He didn't want anyone to care. He didn't trust the care in Ranboo's eyes and he didn't trust Ranboo.
Ranboo seemed to notice the dismissal and understand Tommy didn't want to talk. He moved over to his desk and started working, not saying a word. Tommy didn't know whether to feel grateful or untrusting of that. He should feel grateful that Ranboo understood, but it was something Tommy wasn't used to. No one understood him, and he was ok with that.
The class was over not much later and Tommy had packed up and was out the door before Ranboo could follow. He was half running through the corridors, trying to escape Ranboo and the group and all of it, but he really didn't know where he was going.
In the end Tommy found a small area between two cupboards and he stayed there, not knowing what else to do. He was curled up, hidden from the world and it was safe like that. He had no food today, hadn't been left anything, so he didn't really have anything to do other then think. So, he thought.
He started with planning the next part of his assignment, but his mind drifted to that note and to Tubbo. He pulled himself out of that and returned to planning for the assignment. Not too much later he found himself drifting into thoughts of Tubbo once more.
Tommy almost screamed, at himself, at the world and at Ranboo for reminding him of it, but he forced the sound back down his throat, swallowing it. He would not scream. He let his head fall into his knees and sat there in a curled up ball, trying and failing not to cry as memories of his brother filled him so painfully.
Tubbo had been the one stable thing in Tommy's life. The one happy thing. The one thing that kept him around, and now Tubbo was gone and it wasn't fair. And the worst part was that these people were acting like they cared. They were acting like they wanted to be friends but no one ever wanted that with Tommy. They used to want it with Tubbo. He had friends, and they had begrudgingly accepted Tommy into the group as the only way to keep Tubbo around, but they had never wanted Tommy. That was what Tommy knew. That was what Tommy was used to. That was what Tommy wanted. He wished it was Tubbo here, because Tubbo would've been their friends. Tubbo would have and Tommy would have stayed to the side, watching over his twin and keeping him safe.
That was what Tommy was good for. Keeping Tubbo as safe as he could. That was his job. And he had failed. He had kept Tubbo safe from the kids at school, and done the best to protect him from their foster parents, always taking the brunt of the blows, but somehow Tommy hadn't protected Tubbo from himself. Tubbo had left him behind. Tubbo had died and Tommy was left, hurt and alone and his own fucking unlovable self.
"Tommy?" A voice. Shit. A voice. Someone had seen him like this. No one could see him like this! He should have found a better hiding spot. What was wrong with him!? Why had he chosen here!?
"Hey, Tommy, are you ok?" The voice asked and Tommy nodded, not raising his head, not looking to see who's voice it was. Not ready to face the person who had seen him like this.
He heard rustling and then it quieted, and now the voice was much closer, as though the person was sitting down.
"Hi Tommy," They said, "I'm here if you want to talk."
Finally, Tommy looked up, not because he trusted the voice. Not because he felt safe. Not because he wanted to see who it was, but because he wanted to gage the level of danger he was in. That time, Tommy couldn't help but scream as his eyes met the man with the scarred eyes.
"I'm sorry!" Tommy panicked, knowing he couldn't scream, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I swear I didn't mean- I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me!"
"Tommy, I'm not going to hurt you. I know I look like this but I won't hurt you," The man pleaded, but Tommy was frozen in fear, shaking and staring at Techno. The man sighed and pulled out his phone, typing something quickly before putting it away.
"I'm sorry," The man whispered, getting up and moving away, his eyes filled with guilt and pain and- tears? He stood, a few meters away, watching Tommy, who was still frozen in fear, shaking in the little crevice Techno had found him in.
A minute passed and then Wilbur was in front of Tommy, reaching out his hand and Tommy pulled his own up to cover his face protectively. He couldn't get hit in the face. That was hard to hide. He didn't have any make up to hide it with yet.
"Tommy, it's ok, I'm not going to hurt you," Wilbur whispered, quietly reaching out and gently pulling Tommy's hands away. He flinched, trying to pull away, to run, to escape, but he had backed himself into a corner here. He was trapped. Wilbur could do his worst and Tommy had no escape. Wilbur hummed gently, trying to calm him and Tommy's fear tripled. He wasn't supposed to ask questions. He wasn't supposed to ask questions. He wasn't supposed to ask questions. He- he needed to know- he couldn't ask. He couldn't ask, he couldn't!
"What's wrong Tommy?" Wilbur asked gently between hums, giving Tommy a reassuring look.
He couldn't ask. He couldn't ask. He couldn't ask.
He shook his head. He would not ask.
Wilbur continued to hum, waiting for a real response, but he let go of Tommy's hands gently, and instantly Tommy was pulling them up to his ears covering them, wanting the song to stop. Wanting it and Wilbur and those cruel fucking memories to go away.
"What's wrong?" Wilbur asked, startled by Tommy's reaction. Tommy stayed still, unmoving and terrified.
"Tommy?"
Nothing. Tommy just squeezed his eyes closed and tightened the hold over his ears.
"Techno, go get Ranboo," Wilbur called over his shoulder before turning back to Tommy, "Hey Tommy, it's ok."
But it wasn't ok. It wasn't. That was Tubbo's song. Wilbur had no right to hum it. That was Tubbo's and Tubbo's alone. So why had Wilbur hummed it!?
"Don't do that!" Tommy snapped, before frantically covering his mouth now. Why had he said that!? He couldn't say that! He didn't get to tell people not to do things! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!
"Do what?" Wilbur asked, gently, reassuring, not mad? Why wasn't he mad? Tommy had yelled at him. He should be mad! That's what happened. Why wasn't he mad? Was he hiding it? Did he want Tommy to tell him so he could use it against him? Or was he actually asking? Tommy didn't know, he didn't know, he didn't know. He didn't trust Wilbur, that at least he knew.
Wilbur gave him a concerned look, confused as to what was going on, and seemingly absentmindedly, he began to hum the song again. Once more Tommy's hand shot back to his ears and Wilbur stopped as quickly as Tommy had moved.
"It's it me humming?" Wilbur asked, "Is that it?"
Tommy didn't know what to say. Didn't know what to do, but he did slowly let his hands away from his ears. That made Wilbur smile. Tommy didn't trust that. He knew what would happen now. He'd fucking use it against Tommy. That's what they all did when they found out about Tommy's weakness. It was why Ranboo had brought a note like that. It was always that. He let his weakness show and they used it against him. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair, but it was life. It was everything Tommy knew. It was all Tommy had. It was pain and cruelty and suffering. It was his fucking life.
Tommy was a mess. He didn't show it though. He just stared at Wilbur, and then Ranboo when the other boy joined them. He just stared absently. He didn't let himself think of what was to come.
Words: 1500
IMPORTANT A/N: if I ever mention a character called Bruno, that is Ranboo. I'm writing an actual novel to get published, which was originally a fanfic, so I changed Ranboo's name to Bruno in that, and sometimes I accidentally put the wrong name down in this story as well, for which I am very sorry. So, please if you see that, comment on it and I'll fix it for others, I know I've had the wrong name twice already, and have now fixed it, but now you know, there is no mystery character called Bruno. Sorry for any confusion!