Paege
My hand surveyed the plush comforter of my bed, reaching out, even before I opened my eyes. I shut them again, apparently unfulfilled. My mind easily caught on to the reason for my sullen state.
Something was missing. Or rather, someone. And without his warmth to cradle me, I all at once became aware of the chill that lingered in the air.
Uhh, I mentally groaned. I must've forgotten to close the window last night. It had been late when I got in and by then I'd been utterly exhausted. So, after taking a much appreciated, tension-releasing shower, I crawled into bed, wrapped myself up in the cover, and crashed hard.
Damn. Was it too early in the morning to be craving him? If so, my body didn't seem to understand the meaning of the notion because I couldn't help myself. No, not by a long shot.
Since we'd patched things up and were spending more time with each other, it's like every fibre of my being hummed with renewed energy. It had occurred to me just how much I'd missed him then, but whenever we were away now, I missed him more. If that was even remotely possible.
A gush of air blew against my face, sending a shiver through my body. My arms extended overhead, joined at the knuckles. The back of my palms glided over the silk-covered pillows as a soundless, almost feral yawn emerged from me.
After settling back into the cloud-like duvet, mostly freed of tension, my arms returned to my side. My eyelids opened lazily again, heavy with lingering traces of sleep. I blinked a few times to chase its remnants away.
A good morning stretch usually did the trick, ironing out the kinks. Whether involuntary or otherwise. But for some odd reason, today was different.
The urge courted and subdued me, like any other day. And as usual, I was unable to resist. Especially before I got out of bed. But something was different, and I just couldn't put my finger on it.
I was still tired and wound up for one, casually casting a lazy glance around my room before my once quieted mind plummeted into a chaotic swarm of unrelenting thoughts.
A few pleasant, I admit, and butterfly-inducing. Memoirs of the steamy night peppered my brain here and there, giving my heart a good run.
But some threatened to plunge the already dwindling mood I found myself in, even deeper into the abyss.
Fortunately, a facet of last night's memoir cornered me, prompting me to tug at the corner of my bottom lip.
Ehem–a heated tendril starring a certain cowboy spiralled light-heartedly through my mind. I shook my head in amusement, not at all surprised but marvelling at the leverage this man had over me.
Ever since Tempers came back into my life, things were admittedly better between Danny and me. Right as rain. And my heart sang naturally as a by-product.
In fact, we'd barely been apart from each other. Save for those unavoidable moments when our attention was needed elsewhere. Or when we were turning in for the night.
But wasn't that something? This magnetism between us was so potent that I could be at the other end of the world, and I would still be powerless against it.
So try as I might to school my expression, I failed miserably. It was a task in itself to expel such intimate images on its own, let alone when they grappled for my sanity. And instead of fighting to keep said thoughts at bay, I closed my eyes to revivify what traces remained of his praise on my skin.
I sucked in a breath, allowing myself to revel in the feeling. Gosh, his mouth alone could make me see the stars. But the sweet nothings he whispered in my ear were like nothing that I'd ever experienced before. They added to the thrill, and I found myself wanting–no needing–to hear them again.
A blush rose on my cheeks, and a streak of giddy embarrassment gripped me. His taunts and desires tainted me. Claimed my heart in a way it could never belong to another. Damn, I had it bad.
My mood improved. A genuine smile struck me, causing my earlier embarrassment to subside, thank God. And I could finally reclaim some semblance of my dignity. But also, I was released from the clutches of his affectations. All of which made me want to stay in bed and reminisce all day.
To distract myself from further torment, my eyes sprung open, and my gaze travelled elsewhere, as I trained my eyes on a few things.
The gauze curtains of my room whipped in and out, dancing like young daisies on a ream of wind. A pretty and innocent thought that was hopefully powerful enough to help me simmer down.
Whispers of the early morning daylight streamed passed the curtains, landing on the duvet in delicate strips while casting soft shadows over the vase on the top right of the vanity.
I could even make out birdsong if I listened closely enough.
There was something deeply appreciated about moments like these. The quiet moments. Moments that were numerous, but more often than not, overlooked with not so much as an ounce of gratitude.
Generally, they were catnip to a morning person, and I wasn't exempt from its embrace.
I'd long taken note of the mundane, thanking God for the very fact that I had opened my eyes that morning. For every breath that I had been blessed with–which was nothing less than a gift. And the time earmarked for me, in which I was mercifully allowed the opportunity to spend more time with my loved ones. And today was no different.
I couldn't help the hints of a knowing smile that warmed me just then, shaking my head as a certain string of thoughts began to burrow again.
Facepalming, but not at all amazed that I failed to temper my thoughts, my smile morphed into a goofy grin.
This was all Danny's doing. I was all at once ambushed by thoughts about the man. Again.
I rolled my eyes, casting my gaze skyward to the vaulted wooden ceiling, blushing due to the realization alone that this may very well be one internal battle I would never win. And what could I say? Some things just hit different.
Fisting the duvet in giddy delight, thoroughly charmed, I glanced beside me, seeking Artie Moose–my stuffed moose courtesy of Danny.
I'd finally gotten around to giving him a name when things had grown a bit shaky between Danny and me. Though truth be told, he'd been a wonderful companion when I needed an earnest ear, well before.
Thank heavens, I'd had the foresight to take him with me when I left the Andrews ranch that fateful night. I was so glad that I had.
I fetched Artie, holding the little guy under his armpits, and above the comforter on my tummy. His deep brown eyes stared back at me solemnly, with no judgement in his eyes.
Considering he had seen me through some all-time lows, I appreciated subtle detail very much.
"Good morning, Artie," I smiled, petting his nose with my finger before brushing the top of his ear.
I took a minute to grasp the slow stride of the moment. I mean, hey, in my line of work it was very necessary to take full advantage of these moments when they came.
I knew all too well that from the moment I crossed the threshold of the Inn, the next few hours would be up for grabs. The fast pace, heat and all sorts of challenges would set in and hopefully be resolved by the day's end. But on more than one occasion we had not been wrapped up so neatly.
That was life on a ranch, after all. But I can honestly say, there's no place I'd rather be. I was born into the ranch life. It's what I knew. It was home to me.
Sigh, home. Home naturally led to family which seamlessly directed my thoughts in another direction entirely. One that wiped the smile right off my face.
For the umpteenth time, thoughts of my sister crossed my mind. Was she ok? Did something happen to her? Why hadn't she tried to contact me? I was yet to receive a call from Jos, and that unnerved me to no end. I missed her something fierce, but also grew very pissed.
It felt like forever since I last saw her, and something terrible could've happened. To her. To me. Something had, and yet she was oblivious to my existence. Far less for my near-death experience.
And even though she didn't seem to give a rat's ass about my wellbeing, I still held hope that she was alright. I had to.
With that, the moment was over. I pulled back the duvet, swinging my legs over the side before shoving my feet into my slippers. And with one last shred of resistance, I pushed off the bed, heading into the bathroom to start my day.
*****
Driving down the dirt road towards the ranch, my ringtone filled the vehicle so I reached for my phone, answering on the third ring. The number displayed on the screen didn't look familiar by any stretch.
Pressing the receiver to my ear, I proceeded to park the truck in my usual spot, holding my phone in place on my shoulder as I did. "Hello?"
"Chipmunk?" A hesitant female voice called from the other end of the line. But that's not what caught my attention. The word was insignificant enough, but to me, it held sentiment. It was a name that I hadn't heard in years. A name that only a handful of people knew. And alas, only one remained.
But could it be her? I had pretty much given up hope that one of these days, wherever she had settled in the world, she would reach out and call me.
Could it be Joslyn? I almost couldn't believe it. Am I still deep in the clutches of a dream? I had to be dreaming, right? I hadn't heard from my sister in, forever.
If she was indeed my sister, it was about time Jos checked in. It was long overdue for her to check up on her baby sister.
The nature of my work has rendered me transient for the most part, but a long time ago, for that very reason, I'd spoken with the telephone company about directing all incoming calls from my landline to my cell phone.
I'd ensured that any important calls made to my phone back home would be forwarded to my cell phone instead.
Whether good or bad, I wanted to be reachable in the event that something happened to my sister.
I deafly listened to her call me a few times. My tongue, heavy and movements, stilled. A lump formed in my throat and tears welled in my eyes.
"Hello? Paege?"
Gosh, she left me a long time ago and everything was still raw to me. When she said my name, the hurt weighed down on me all over again.
"Joslyn?"
"Hi, Chipmunk." She coaxed, her soft voice piercing my heart like a dull dagger. "Yes, it's me."
"What? Finally remember you had a baby sister?"
"I deserve that." She admitted before silence fell between us. "Are you home?"
"Thought it wasn't your home anymore."
I was beyond livid. How could I not be?
How difficult was it to pick up the damn phone, and call? Mom and Dad made us memorize the number of the goddamn landline a thousand times for emergencies, and not once could my older sister reach out to me? That was beyond messed up.
I'd nearly died for heaven's sake.
"I know you're upset with me and I expected as much." Jos began. "I've been trying to pin you down for weeks."
"Weeks, Joslyn?" I ground my teeth together in a heated rage. "You've been gone for ages. Does that sound reasonable to you?"
"No it doesn't," She admitted which surprised me. "I can't take back what I did, or undo the pain it caused you. What I can try to do is help you heal and move forward."
"And this hadn't occurred to you–I dunno–maybe years ago?" I may love her, but she wasn't going to get off so easy.
Those years had been filled with torment. Worrying about her, being alone and not having anyone to lean on in a moment of grief. And now, she had the nerve to think a few nice words, and sentiments could patch things up and unwind time?
Her silence was deafening until she responded. "It had crossed my mind but–I dunno–what few times I picked up the phone to call, the reality of mom and then dad being gone paralyzed me and I chickened out."
Her word struck a chord with me, and though I didn't want to at the moment, I could sympathize.
I killed the engine and hopped out, heading to the barn. I entered, contemplating all that had happened. Where had this energy been all those years ago?
The place was relatively quiet. Then again, give it a good thirty–thirty-five minutes, and we'll see what happens.
Since Tempers had arrived at the ranch well over a few weeks ago, I'd been coming in earlier so I could spend more time with her. I wanted her to get familiar with me, because like it or not, she was stuck with me for the foreseeable future.
Even if, god-forbid things go south between Danny and me. Nothing would keep me from her again.
The work day was yet to start, which explained why the ranch was so relaxed. At least for the next half-hour. The ranch hands usually rose around six-thirty in the morning to get a start on the day.
Danny typically got up earlier to ensure everything was set to run as smooth as possible for the day. He took his role seriously, and that was one of the qualities I admired about him. Because I could relate.
AJ would wake up soon after and Bell would rise a little later, when her mother had finished making breakfast for the ranch. So for the while, my moment of peace continued.
"You're going to have to give me a moment to process this Jos," I said solemnly.
"Ok, Chipmunk," She conceded, tugging on my heart with that damn nickname.
"Is this your contact?" I asked, trying to suppress the rising surge of anger.
"Yes," She replied.
"Ok, I'll save your number and call you later," I assured her, even though that's more than she'd done for me. "I've got to go."
"Bye," Jos offered a parting word.
"Bye." I hung up, ending the call before saving the number to my contact list. I had no idea how to feel, or what I was feeling right now.
I went down the line greeting and chatting up each and every one of the horses like I usually did at the start of every day, coming to a halt at Angel's stall.
His stall was empty, and the door was closed, which sprung an unnerving feeling deep in my stomach. That was extremely odd.
Usually, the only two people daring enough to take Angel out for a spin were Danny and me. However, if Danny were to take Angel, he surely wouldn't have closed the door.
I couldn't decide whether I was just reading too much into things or my uneasiness was warranted, then I turned on my heel, stopping in my tracks at the sight before me.
The door was closed as well. Inhaling a deep breath, I closed the remaining gap with lightning speed, hoping to God that this was all some kind of terrible misunderstanding. But the moment I set foot in the doorway, the flip-flops occurring in my belly that very moment told me otherwise.
"No no no," I muttered to myself, my heart pumping into my windpipe at that point. I took out my phone, hitting speed dial.
"Hey, baby," Danny's husky voice penetrated my ear, sending a momentary shiver reverberating through my body, but I shook it off trying to stay focused. "I was just thinking of you."
"Hey, babe," I began, and before I could get in another word, he picked up on my distress. Rather quickly, might I add.
"Baby, what's wrong?" He asked, his timbre softening in concern to almost a coo, even as he waited for me to respond. He gets like that whenever he was worried about me or would try to console me.
"You wouldn't happen to have Angel and Tempers with you by chance, would you?" I asked, crossing my fingers in a last-ditched effort to make certain things were right as rain and I was simply imagining everything.
Something was very off here.
What the hell was going on?
Where are they?
Where the hell are Angel and Tempers?
"No, I don't," He answered, his voice deepened with concern. "What's going on, baby?"
"Danny, they're-" I gulped, to clear the lump forming in my throat. "-Gone."
"What?!"
"They're gone," I managed to get out in barely a whisper.
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