A/n: Talk of COVID, panic attacks and light smutiness.
Y/n's POV
Watching Meredith get hooked up to the ventilator I want to scream at her to wake up and get better but know that I can't. Instead I leave the hospital as quickly as I can and lean against the wall as I take deep, calming breaths. How had this happened? We had all been so careful, Meredith more so because of the kids. Oh god the kids, what do we tell them? How do we tell them that their mummy is in a hospital bed fighting for her life again?
"Wow, hey breathe with me. That's it deep steady breaths." I hear someone says as their hand comes to rest on my shoulder, pulling me into their chest and I follow their instructions as I relax against them. "It's going to be okay, she'll come through this like she has everything else. We'll make sure of it."
"The kids, how do we tell those little angels that their mummy's in a hospital bed again?" I ask against the persons chest and they tighten their hold on me.
"Amelia called them when she collapsed and told them what had happened. They're upset but they know that we're going to do everything we can to make sure she pulls through this." The person says as he places a kiss to the top of my head and I finally recognise the voice as my big brother, Owen. "Why don't you go home and get some sleep y/n. You've been here for nearly a week solid, you need to take some time to yourself before you work yourself to death."
"Owen, I-" I start to say as I pull back from him and he smiles at me knowingly. "God, this needs to end soon Owen. I don't know if I can continue to watch the people I care about getting struck down by this stupid disease."
"I know, go home and get some sleep. I'll keep an eye on Meredith and will call you if anything happens." He says and I sigh but nod in agreement.
"Fine but please make sure you call me if anything happens and I'll come straight in." I tell him and he nods with a chuckle before pushing me towards my car. Driving home I tiredly let myself in and climb upstairs to fall into a restless sleep.
Meredith's POV
Looking around the beach front I see Derek standing off to my left and run over to him with a smile as he wraps me in a hug that I had longed to feel since he died. Trying to relax in his arms I can't help but feel like this was wrong, like I should be hugging someone else instead of the man I had fallen in love with so long ago and I knew exactly who it should be, y/n. Pulling away from Derek he offers me an understanding look as he pushes my hair out of her face before taking my hand and pulling me to sit down on the swings that had appeared.
"You should tell her Meredith." He says and I shake my head as I push myself lightly on the swing.
"I can't, I have the kids to think about and she sees me as nothing more than a friend." I tell him and it's his turn to shake his head. "Besides I'm here, how can I tell her if I'm here?"
"She sees you as more than a friend Mer, Owen's just had to calm her down from a panic attack and send her home. Something she hasn't had for years and we both know it, she's worried about you and the kids." He says and I feel my heart clench at that, I never wanted to cause her any sort of pain. "The kids love her as well you know, have done for long enough and I know that you have as well. I just don't inderstand why you've tiptoed around the obvious attraction for so long."
"Because she's not into me Derek! And if she is she's never let on." I tell him seriously and he shakes his head and chuckles. "Okay, she has but I always thought that she was joking Derek. I never let myself hope that she was serious."
"You need to fight this Mer, I know it's not going to be easy but you need to fight this and when you wake up you need to go for it. You deserve to be happy Meredith and from what I've seen she makes you and the kids happy." He says with a smile and I sigh but know that he's right. "Just remember that I'll always love you and that I support you no matter what. I'm also always looking over you and the kids."
"I know and I will Derek, I promise. But only if you promise not to watch anything intimate the two of us do and no letting Mark watch either." I tell him with a chuckle which makes him laugh before he goes on to tell me how things have been in this weird inbetween place.
*Months later*
Blinking awake I feel the tube in my throat and hear people whispering around me. Trying to dislodge the tube I start to reach up to remove it myself only to have my hand caugh as Bailey comes into my sights and removes it for me. Coughing slightly once it's removed I sip at the water that Bailey offers me after she tilts my bed so that I'm sitting up and I give her a weak smile before clearing my throat.
"You gave us a hell of a scare there Grey, you've got to stop doing that to us." She says and I chuckle slightly. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine, my body feels like I landed on a hard floor and then lay on a bed for months but other than that I'm fine." I tell her and she shakes her head at me with a laugh. "How are my kids?"
"They're okay, missing you like crazy obviously but they've been so good about everything. Zola's practically moved y/n in though, I swear she's either here or at your house with those kids. Amelia was moaning that Bailey wouldn't let her read him a bedtime story because y/n does better voices and then proceeded to fall asleep with a pout on his face because she wouldn't read him a third story." She says and I relax at the knowledge that my kids were in good hands with y/n and that they really did seem to love her just like Derek had said. It makes what I'm about to do so much easier. "You know that girl has been going out of her mind with worry for you and the kids, if you two don't get together soon I think we all moght lose our minds!"
"I plan on fixing that Bailey, I just need to talk to her without being in a god damn hospital bed." I tell her and she grins at me. "How long do I need to stay in this bed until I can go home to my kids?" And y/n? I add mentally but she smirks at me, knowing exactly what I was thinking.
"Once you've recovered a bit of strength and show absolutely no signs of the damn disease we can release you into capable hands." She tells me and I glare at her tiredly. God I've been asleep for months, why am I so tired now? "Right Grey, try and get some more sleep and we can talk later. I'll even try and arrange for y/n to facetime with the kids and actually stay on the call with you." She adds and I nod as I allow myself to relax back in the bed again before falling asleep.
*Timeskip*
Laughing as Jackson helps me avoid the big clap out by wheeling me out the back entrance to his car I slowly climb in and settle myself while he wheels the stuoid wheelchair back into the hospital, why was it policy that patients have to be wheeled out again?
"Right, are you ready to go suprise the kids?" He asks as he climbs into the car and I nod with a smile.
"More than you will ever know Avery." I tell him with a chuckle and he smiles at me as we pull away from the hospital. "You best be safe in Boston and keep in touch."
"I will Mer, you're not getting rid of me that easily you know." He says and I chuckle at him. "So, are you going to finally make a move on y/n? Because I'm tired of watching the pair of you pine after each other, both scared to make the first move."
"That's the plan Jackson." I tell him with a smile as we near the house. "If April gives you a second chance, please for the love of god don't mess it up. You two are perfect for each other so please don't fuck it all up."
"Trust me I won't." He says and I smile at him as he parks in front of the house. Turning to him I smile at him and squeeze his hand before he moves to help me into the house. Walking me up the stairs he leaves me just outside the front door and I jug him before letting him make his way back to the car with one last wave before he's out of sight. Turning to the door I push it open and see Zola and Bailey watching a movie while y/n rocks a fussy Ellis on her hip and I can't help but grin at her when she takes note of me when she looks up. Making her way over to me as I close the door behind me she offers me her hand to guide me into the living room and I happily take it even if I don't need the help.
"Zola, Bailey, can you guys pause the movie for me just now?" Y/n asks them and gets a groan from them before they do as she asks. "You can put it on in a minute but I've got a suprise for you guys that I think you're going to love." She tells them and they turn to her expectantly only to throw themselves at me with squeals of joy. Letting go of y/n's hand I catch them both and hug them tight to me but lean back into y/n as I rock slightly. Feeling her put her hand on my hip for security I turn my head to smile at her and get rewarded with one of those smiles that make me want to kiss the living daylights out of her.
"Mummy!" Bailey exclaims as he hides his face in my neck and I kiss both their heads before feeling my body start to shake.
"Okay kiddos why don't we let your mum sit down before you smother her." Y/n suggests as her hand tightens on my hip slightly and I bite my lip at the feeling. Letting the kids go I lean against y/n's side as she guides me round the sofa and helps me sit down. "Right, I'll go tidy up and let you four settle for a bit."
"You don't have to do that y/n, you're more than welcome to sit with us." I tell her and she smiles at me.
"I know but I think it'll be good for the kids to have some time with their mum. I'm sure they're tired of seeing me all the time anyway aren't you kiddos." She says and they shake their heads with pouts and I chuckle at that.
"No! You can't leave!" Bailey shouts and throws himself at y/n making her catch him with one arm seeing as she was still holding Ellis. "Please don't leave."
"Oh buddy, I'm not leaving just now. I was just going to go upstairs to tidy up so that you could spend time with your mummy." She tells him and kisses his hair but he shakes his head. "Okay, I'll stay down here. What if I go into the kitchen and make more cookies for you, Zola and mummy?" She suggest and he looks at her for a moment.
"Promise that you won't leave?" He asks and I watch as she smiles at him, kissing his head again making him laugh.
"I promise buddy." She tells him and he nods before climbing down from her arms after kissing her cheek. "Right, you go cuddle your mummy and tell her what you've done while she was asleep." She says as she sets Ellis down on the sofa to crawl over to me but she clings onto y/n's top, grabbing her chest slightly and I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. Even my youngest has taken a liking to y/n's chest.
"Up!" She says and y/n chuckles as she moves over to me and tries to put Ellis down in my lap but I grin at her mischeviously. Pulling her down next to me I lean my head on her shoulder hoping to convince her to stay.
"I think I might be outnumbered Zola, what do you think?" Y/n asks my eldest who just grins and reaches over to kiss her cheek. "Okay, okay, I surrender to the cuteness. I'll stay here with you four."
"Yay!" Zola and Bailey shout and Ellis continues to tighter her grip on y/n's chest making her grimace.
"Okay, Ellis I think it's about time to trim your nails again honey." Y/n says as she uncurls the little girls fingers from her chest with a slight wince as she rubs the spot she had been grabbed. Seeing Ellis' bottom lip start to wobble she lifts the little girl up and kisses her head making her giggle and it takes everyting I have not to kiss her then and there. "You adorable little menace."
"Y/n, can we go get everything from upstairs to show mummy?" Bailey asks and she nods with a smile.
"Of course you can Bailey but no running on the stairs. I really don't need to have another heart attack when you trip up the stairs." She tells him and he scurries off to his room.
"I'll go with him to make sure he doesn't hurt himself y/n." Zola says and starts to take Ellis who pouts at leaving y/n's hold. "I'll put her down and bring the monitor down when I come back as well y/n." She adds before following after her brother.
"Thank you." I whisper without moving from my position and she looks down at me with a raised eyebrow. "For looking after the kids and being here for them when I couldn't be."
"It was my pleasure Mer, you have three adorable kids who are absolutely amazing." She tells me and I smile up at her. "Although, Ellis seems to have talons instead of nails." She adds and I chuckle as my hand comes up to rub the spot that Ellis had grabbed making her gasp slightly. Feeling her nipple beneath my touch I can't help but twist it slightly before her hand shoots up to take my hand in hers as she shifts slightly. Looking up at her I smile at her as I reach up to cup her cheek making her look down at me again.
"Thank you, for putting your life on hold to look after my trouble makers." I say quietly as I sit up slightly and she smiles at me. "I'm sorry that I scared you y/n, I never want to scare you or cause you any pain."
"You're my best friend Meredith Grey, of course I was scared for you." She says and I shake my head at that. "What's going on in that head of yours?"
"While I was out, I was in some inbetween place." I tell her and pause as I try to figure out how to phrase what I experienced.
"Like you were after the drowning? Where your mum told you that you were anything but ordinary?" She asks and I nod with a smile.
"Kind of, but this time instead of being in the hospital I was on a beach. A beautiful beach and I spoke to Derek and a few others while I was there." I tell her and she tenses up slightly at that and before I can say anymore Zola and Bailey come back downstairs.
"Y/n, where did we put the painting?" Zola asks and y/n gets up to help her find it while Bailey sits next to me and starts to show me what he's got. Watching y/n help Zola I wish that I could explain what I was trying to say to her. "Thank you!"
"You're welcome, I think maybe auntie Amelia might have moved it which is why you couldn't find it." She tells Zola before moving into the kitchen to make a start on dinner making me sigh slightly as I listen to the kids tell me about what they did while I was in the hospital. After about an hour y/n calls that dinners ready and the kids bolt to get ready for dinner while she comes over to help me up. Taking her offered hand I feel her pull me up slowly and can't help pressing against her once I'm up. "How are you feeling?"
"Stiff, my whole body aches and I just want to sleep." I tell her as I rest my head on her shoulder and she runs her hands along my back in a soothing gesture making me arch into her touch.
"How about once we get the kids settled for the night I give you a massage to help you relax?" She suggests and my mind automatically conjures up the image of her massaging me in other places than just my back. "You can also finish what you were saying before the kids interupted us."
"Or I could just show you y/n." I whisper before leaning up to kiss her lightly. Wrapping my arms around her neck I pull myself closer to her as her hands move to rest on my hips as she kisses me back gently. "He wants me to be happy and by god I've wanted to do this for a while now."
"Remind me to thank Derek when I next see him." She tells me and kisses me gently again until my lungs can't handle it and I start coughing. Panicking slighty I move to walk away from her but she holds me close to her and rubs my back as I calm down until the coughing fit ends. "I've got you Mer it's okay." She whispers into my ear and I lean against her with a sigh.
"This sucks." I whine and she nods as she pulls me back to looks at her.
"I know Mer but you're here and healthy. It might take a while but you'll regain your strength and stamina. Just don't rush things or you could hurt yourself." She says and I lean up to kiss her again quickly. "Hmm, not that I'm not enjoying this because I really am but your kids have gone quiet and that can only mean trouble."
"Kids? What are you doing up there?" I call upstairs and they just giggle but don't say anything.
"If you two aren't down here in the next couple of minutes dinner will be cold and I won't let you have ice cream for dessert." Y/n calls up tilting her head back and I smirk before divning in to run my tongue along her skin before biting down on her collar bone and suck leaving a mark in my wake. "Meredith Grey! You little sneak."
"I couldn't resist when you showed me such a beautiful sight." I tell her with a wink before shakily moving over to the table to sit down. Watching her run upstairs I smile when I hear two shrieks before she comes downstairs with two giggling children over her shoulders. "Right you two, sit down and eat and I'll help you convince y/n that you can still have ice cream later."
"Okay." They both agreed as they sit at the table while y/n serves out dinner before sitting across from me and we all dig into dinner. Moaning slightly at how good it was I look over at y/n as we listen to the kids ramble on about what they've done on their school break.
"Just remember that you need to be up bright and early come Monday for classes to start guys." Y/n tells them and they pout at her. "Oh no you don't, you need to do your classes."
"Mummy, do we need to?" Bailey asks and I chuckle at that.
"Yes Bailey, you do need to do your classes." I tell him and he frowns as he pushes his plate away and I raise an eyebrow at him while y/n seems to realise something.
"Bailey, mummy's still going to be here while you're doing your classes buddy. She's not going anywhere." She says and Bailey perks up a bit at that before pouting again and pointing at her. "What about me buddy?"
"Now that mummy's back you'll leave again." He says and I shake my head at that.
"I don't know about that Bailey, I'm on strict orders not to take things too quickly so I'm going to be needing help looking after you all." I tell him and he tilts his head in confusion. "I'm sure if we ask y/n really nicely she'll stay for as long as you want."
"What if we never want her to leave?" Zola asks quietly and I share a look at y/n who smiles at me.
"I don't see a problem with that darling. I love you all so much and if me being here makes you happy I'm sure that we can work something out." Y/n says and Zola nods quietly.
"It would be so much easier if you and mummy were together." She says and that's all the confirmation I need that they're okay with this. Reaching across the table I take y/n's hand making her smile while the kids squeal. "This means that you can never leave y/n. You make mummy happy so you can never leave."
"I think I can live with that condition little love." Y/n tells her as she rubs her thumb along the back of my hand. "Is that okay with you Bailey? If I never leave?" She asks and he just throws himself at her hiding his face in her neck making her chuckle.
"Okay, now that that's settled why don't you two go watch the rest of your movie while I help y/n tidy up." I suggest and they scurry off to the living room to resume watching their movie. Helping y/n with the dishes I lean against her side with a yawn and she pulls me into her side while pressing a gentle kiss to the top of my head.
"Why don't you go upstairs and get some sleep and I'll get the kiddos ready for bed and settled." She says and I nod with a frown. "What's going on in that mind of yours?"
"I don't want to move, I'm so comfortable here but I'm so tired." I tell her and she smiles down at me. "I'm being silly."
"How about I carry you up to bed and then I'll join you once I've put Bailey and Zola to bed?" She suggests and I smile at her. "And if you're still awake when I join you I'll give you that massage I mentioned before."
"Hmm, a massage does sound good y/n but I don't think we're thinking about the same kind of massage." I tell her with a smirk as I shift slightly as her hands drift down my back to cup my backside and squeezes lightly. "Oh, do that again and I won't be held resposible for my actions." I say quietly and she smiles as she pulls me into a careful kiss before scooping me up into her arms making me squeal slightly at the suddenness of it. Looking over to the kids they're completely engrossed in the movie they're watching so y/n carries me up to my room and places me on the bed carefully. Pulling her down on top of me I pull her into another kiss careful not to exert my lungs but I just couldn't hold off any longer as I wrap my legs around her waist pulling her closer to me.
"Hmm, you really are a naughty girl aren't you Meredith." She says as we break away and the way she says it makes me want her even more. "Oh did you like that my naughty girl?"
"Oh god, can we not just put the kids to bed now?" I ask as I roll my hips against her as her hands start unbuttoning my shirt while I yawn again. "I'm sorry, I want to but-"
"Meredith you're just out of hospital after having covid, you're allowed to be tired and worn out." She tells me gently as she sits up and I follow her as I push my shirt off making her smile at me. "Relax love, I'll deal with the kids then I'll join you for whatever you're ready for, be that a massage or sleep I don't mind either way."
"Okay, god I wish I had done this before I almost died y/n. At least then I'd know exactly what you look like and might be able to release some tention." I say with a pout and she smiles at me before lifting her baggy top up making me gasp when I see some bruising. Reaching out my hand I touch them gently and raise an eyebrow before taking note of her nipple where Ellis grabbed earlier and lean forward to kiss it lightly making her breathing hitch as her hips stutter. Pulling it between my teeth gently I sooth the skin with my tongue as my hand comes up to cup her other breast.
"The bruises are from Ellis' sharp nails where she's grabbed onto me for one reason or another. Oh god Mer, you need to stop before this goes to far." She says with a moan at the end and we both freeze when we hear footsteps on the stairs. Pulling away from her I let go of her so that she can right herself before going to see what's going on and I watch her go with a small smile as I clench my thighs together slightly. "Okay, why don't you both say good night to mummy if you're ready for bed and then I'll come in to read a story and tuck you in." I hear her say which gives me enough time time cover myself with an oversized top before they come in to say goodnight. Watching them pad off to Zola's room I can hear y/n reading to them before carrying a fast asleep Bailey through to his room to tuck him in before making her way back to my, our room after closing both doors on her way past them. Tiredly pushing my trousers off I curl into her side and wrap my arms around her.
"Tonight we sleep and tomorrow you can massage me however you damn well please." I mutter into her side and she chuckles but nods as she strokes my hair gently. "Don't ever leave, don't ever want you to leave."
"I won't Mer, I promise I'm not going anywhere." She says and with that I fall asleep with a smile on my face.